Dimples129:
Your decision is childish. A whole fucking year Cuntinue

How long will you wait? You have 4 children between you so divorce really isn't an option here so the question Is simply, how much longer? You need to actively work towards forgiving and trying to forget. Start enjoying life again.

Can't believe a woman vomited this jargon.

This is what happens when you take advice from Nairaland resident feminists. Trust me, 95% of married men have at one point or the other cheated on their wives (note s.ex isn't the only form of cheating).
Any married man that has never cheated on her wife should come out and quote me.

You will be making a grave mistake if you continue to take advice from people who do the exact opposite of what they say on Nairaland. How many of them have divorced their husbands? How many of them starve their husbands with sex for a whole year?

Stop taking advice from the wrong sets of people. If you can't find a good mentor, follow your freaking mind and live with the consequences.

I'm not for cheating in relationships or marriage, giving one's partner STD as well is criminal and evil. However, your approach was wrong. You can never win a cheating or randy man by denying him sex. It is like denying your child food because he stole your neighbor's food.

After. 1 year of not sleeping with your husband! One thing going through his mind is that you are equally cheating with someone else! The year long punishment is not advisable! If anybody tells you that your cheating husband does it because he has fell out of love for you! The person is lying! Men cheat due to many reasons but not because they don't love their wives! Women cheat with who they love! If you aren't sleeping with your husband during the 1 year punishment! You are you sharing your sex life with? Do you kill the sex life because your husband deserved punishment thereby you sex starving yourself? Your resort to punishment or depriving your man of sex was commendable though it should timed and both of you should talk and work on regaining the drive in the marriage!
Madam! Go back to your man, in my view, he is a dead man living with a wife capable of poisoning him anytime! If I were him, I will leave the house before I am dispatch to the grave quickly! When women hate, they hate to the extreme! When they love! They love same way! A cheating wife can kill her husband, kill her children and do all manners stupid things to express their love but nobody can tell a cheating man to kill his children!

Please Madam! Try and get people intervene in the yearlong punishment!

EVILFOREST:

Her HUSBAND may have accepted under duress from his wife, just to allow peace reign.
How are you sure the MAN gave it to her....?
It could also be possible the lady got it from another infected partner..?
She may also be sleeping around..
I have encountered cases, where LADIES claim it was there husbands that gave them HIV....but on convincing such men to donate blood to their babies, we ran tests and discovered that they were completely SERO-NEGATIVE.

LADIES can lie....
The worst is that they shed tears when Lying.
I have encountered several of them.

U may be shocked she just has an ordinary vaginal thrush, which she may have contracted from poor personal hygiene.
And since her HUSBAND cheats, he doesn't have any excuse than to accept.
Don't be surprised the other Ladies may be neater than the man's wife.
I'm sorry, I'm a scientist...
I don't just conclude

You are now speculating.

Benita27:
Ma'am, you did the right thing. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, I know the band that'd quickly type "Cheating is in our biology" when a man cheats but would advise a man whose wife cheated on to throw her out, would come here to fault you. Not realising we all have our deal breaker. Just what if you were given HIV?. Whether you sex-starve him or not, he'd still cheat...just as he won't say he has not had sex in the past one year. So he knows he can't let his family find out his escapades as a married man and he was busy cheating?.

My question is; how long would you both live the way you're presently?. Don't remain in any marriage you don't want to just because of what the society or family would say...don't let them hold you ransom...divorce if you want and remain if you could overlook his cheating. This situation isn't helping the both of you.

@desreek9

Please never ever take this advice from these bittered woman I quoted .

It's obvious this woman is a jezebel like someone rightly said on this thread.
Smh

Highly disappointed at your bitterness towards men, Benita .

You must be a divorcee.




Op
I know your husband misbehaved, but please you've punished him enough .
Forgive and forget please.

I'm sure he wouldn't go back to his irresponsible ways .

God bless your marriage.

All male chauvinist who are persecuting her should put themselves in her shoes.

How would u feel if a woman you loved enough to marry, a woman you trusted, a woman you started a family with, cheats on you, contacts an STD, comes home and transmits it to you.
You'd throw her out right?

Do you guys even know the emotional trauma in this?
She's obviously hurting but she's also scared for her life.

The man isn't even remorseful. If he were, he would have been trying to get her back.

You guys should cut her some slack. It's high time women are taught to also think of themselves and not behave like a sheepie.

Madam, leave that marriage if you're strong enough to do that, don't risk your life for society and what people may think.

Someone said divorce is not an option because you have kids, but I don't think they considered what would happen to those kids if both their parents are infected with HIV.

Protect yourself and your kids madam.

dingbang:
Biko madam the std you contracted is curable.. Its not like you had Ebola.. Na you go use your hand take spoil your marriage o

It is the husband that spoiled the marriage o

tayo60:
Forgive him and move on. Woman, save your marriage.

What if it's not worth it...

Ask yourself, are you ready to quit the marriage?, cos the center can't hold for long, You can't continue to be on the fence. For the past one year I can assure you he has been getting it outside, so he is not borthered. I suggest first you get a dild0, and start taking care of your kids and yourself. And lest I forget, your husband is not remourseful, he is only scared of embarrassment not the deed, take note
Condoms seems to be the only way here, which is what you should have suggested earlier, but it's never too late

desreek9:
Please take time to read this, I really need your advice.

I am a working mother of four kids (2 sets of twins) been married since 2012; I and my husband communicate well, our sex life is great (we explore diff. styles) and I make sure everyone is contented and satisfied or so i thought.
How i found out he was cheating

I noticed I didn't see my period for two months which is weird, I checked if i was with child but it was negative, before then I noticed burning feeling when i pee and pains so i decided to see a doctor, that was how i received the greatest shock of my life. I was told i had STD, I was in shock, crying and shaking cos i know i got it from my husband, was told to do an HIV test.

After the longest wait of my life and vomiting due to anxiety and panic, it was negative. Three months later was still negative, I went home thinking of ways to kill my husband. Later that night i first asked him if he was cheating he blatantly denied but when i showed him the test result, he was dumbfounded and started begging, i asked him why with tears rolling down my eyes, he couldn't give any reason because he knows everything was great btw us, i told him we would never make love anymore that i can't risk my life because of sex, he was begging me saying he would change, i told him i can never trust him cos once a cheat, always a cheat.

My people, it's over a year and we've not had sex, he can't chase me away from the house because we both built it and the land is in my name, sometimes he comes home late but i really don't care since we have separate bedroom. He said he can't leave because he will have to tell his and my people but he doesn't want the embarrassment.

Apart from all these, every other aspect is great at home, so my question is this; is my decision too harsh or am i justified?

EVILFOREST:

Her HUSBAND may have accepted under duress from his wife, just to allow peace reign.
How are you sure the MAN gave it to her....?
It could also be possible the lady got it from another infected partner..?
She may also be sleeping around..
I have encountered cases, where LADIES claim it was there husbands that gave them HIV....but on convincing such men to donate blood to their babies, we ran tests and discovered that they were completely SERO-NEGATIVE. Many came crying that we shouldn't disclose such to their husbands.
However we counseled them to let them know.

LADIES can lie....
The worst is that they shed tears when Lying.
I have encountered several of them.

U may be shocked she just has an ordinary vaginal thrush, which she may have contracted from poor personal hygiene.
And since her HUSBAND cheats, he doesn't have any excuse than to accept.
Don't be surprised the other Lady may be neater than the man's wife.
I'm sorry,
I'm a scientist...
I don't just conclude...

Don't know why I'm thinking same way. The guilt of the husband actually cheating may have made him accept responsibility for the wife's "STD".
Not all std are STD, it may just be a general urogenital infection caused by different thing, including poor vulva hygiene. Poor toilet habit etc. Do we blame STD for Virgins who have foul smelling secretions with severe itching (from candidiasis) They should go for tests and continue afresh. Whatever it is, if he's repentant, forgive him , hope he'll truly change.

desreek9:
Please take time to read this, I really need your advice.

I am a working mother of four kids (2 sets of twins) been married since 2012; I and my husband communicate well, our sex life is great (we explore diff. styles) and I make sure everyone is contented and satisfied or so i thought.
How i found out he was cheating

I noticed I didn't see my period for two months which is weird, I checked if i was with child but it was negative, before then I noticed burning feeling when i pee and pains so i decided to see a doctor, that was how i received the greatest shock of my life. I was told i had STD, I was in shock, crying and shaking cos i know i got it from my husband, was told to do an HIV test.

After the longest wait of my life and vomiting due to anxiety and panic, it was negative. Three months later was still negative, I went home thinking of ways to kill my husband. Later that night i first asked him if he was cheating he blatantly denied but when i showed him the test result, he was dumbfounded and started begging, i asked him why with tears rolling down my eyes, he couldn't give any reason because he knows everything was great btw us, i told him we would never make love anymore that i can't risk my life because of sex, he was begging me saying he would change, i told him i can never trust him cos once a cheat, always a cheat.

My people, it's over a year and we've not had sex, he can't chase me away from the house because we both built it and the land is in my name, sometimes he comes home late but i really don't care since we have separate bedroom. He said he can't leave because he will have to tell his and my people but he doesn't want the embarrassment.

Apart from all these, every other aspect is great at home, so my question is this; is my decision too harsh or am i justified?

WOMEN OF NOW ADAYS. SOLOMON HAD 700 WIVES AND 300 CONCUBINES, DID YOU HEAR ANY ONE OF THEM COMPLAIN?
HE SAID HE WAS SORRY, SO WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT?

The slavery of an African woman called marriage

All those men here talking shìt would u remain with a woman who gave u an std??

Op follow your heart and use it head. If i were u I'll put the well being of my kids first. If u don't need him for ur kids well being especially financially u can call it quits. Cos truth be told he will continue to cheat.
He isn't even remorseful.... chai. We women suffer too much.

Dunkofia20:
Pls o some people are still commenting by this time hmmmmmm am here because of work and night duty for that matter can come do the night for me i need good sleep

NA MAI GUARD YOU BE?
LOL

Tundeiab:


WOMEN OF NOW ADAYS. SOLOMON HAD 700 WIVES AND 300 CONCUBINES, DID YOU HEAR ANY ONE OF THEM COMPLAIN?
HE SAID HE WAS SORRY, SO WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT?

Well we are not in the days of king Solomon.
If u want that type of marriage u can get it for yourself.

Did and any of king Solomon's wives or concubines build house for him?
Did he vow to be faithful to any of them?

desreek9:
Please take time to read this, I really need your advice.

I am a working mother of four kids (2 sets of twins) been married since 2012; I and my husband communicate well, our sex life is great (we explore diff. styles) and I make sure everyone is contented and satisfied or so i thought.
How i found out he was cheating

I noticed I didn't see my period for two months which is weird, I checked if i was with child but it was negative, before then I noticed burning feeling when i pee and pains so i decided to see a doctor, that was how i received the greatest shock of my life. I was told i had STD, I was in shock, crying and shaking cos i know i got it from my husband, was told to do an HIV test.

After the longest wait of my life and vomiting due to anxiety and panic, it was negative. Three months later was still negative, I went home thinking of ways to kill my husband. Later that night i first asked him if he was cheating he blatantly denied but when i showed him the test result, he was dumbfounded and started begging, i asked him why with tears rolling down my eyes, he couldn't give any reason because he knows everything was great btw us, i told him we would never make love anymore that i can't risk my life because of sex, he was begging me saying he would change, i told him i can never trust him cos once a cheat, always a cheat.

My people, it's over a year and we've not had sex, he can't chase me away from the house because we both built it and the land is in my name, sometimes he comes home late but i really don't care since we have separate bedroom. He said he can't leave because he will have to tell his and my people but he doesn't want the embarrassment.

Apart from all these, every other aspect is great at home, so my question is this; is my decision too harsh or am i justified?

You did right but holding it too long will ruin ur marriage, create a balance, at least he's learnt his lesson, of he repeats it again, sign a contract with gold circle or magnum, u can be an ambassador

Please tell us how a man that comes home late probably after banging a strange lady in a hotel has learnt his lesson? Or you skipped that part where he comes home late?

godofuck231:


You did right but holding it too long will ruin ur marriage, create a balance, at least he's learnt his lesson, of he repeats it again, sign a contract with gold circle or magnum, u can be an ambassador

desreek9:
Please take time to read this, I really need your advice.

I am a working mother of four kids (2 sets of twins) been married since 2012; I and my husband communicate well, our sex life is great (we explore diff. styles) and I make sure everyone is contented and satisfied or so i thought.
How i found out he was cheating

I noticed I didn't see my period for two months which is weird, I checked if i was with child but it was negative, before then I noticed burning feeling when i pee and pains so i decided to see a doctor, that was how i received the greatest shock of my life. I was told i had STD, I was in shock, crying and shaking cos i know i got it from my husband, was told to do an HIV test.

After the longest wait of my life and vomiting due to anxiety and panic, it was negative. Three months later was still negative, I went home thinking of ways to kill my husband. Later that night i first asked him if he was cheating he blatantly denied but when i showed him the test result, he was dumbfounded and started begging, i asked him why with tears rolling down my eyes, he couldn't give any reason because he knows everything was great btw us, i told him we would never make love anymore that i can't risk my life because of sex, he was begging me saying he would change, i told him i can never trust him cos once a cheat, always a cheat.

My people, it's over a year and we've not had sex, he can't chase me away from the house because we both built it and the land is in my name, sometimes he comes home late but i really don't care since we have separate bedroom. He said he can't leave because he will have to tell his and my people but he doesn't want the embarrassment.

Apart from all these, every other aspect is great at home, so my question is this; is my decision too harsh or am i justified?

Mind you some stds come with pool contact and toilets. That y some men cup their genitals with their palm when in a toilet to protect the penis tip from touching the seat and bowl, the skin inside the tract can contact like a woman's body, and some women don't know this yet

Geniro:


Most you people commenting are not married hence the unrealistic replies or advice. 1 year is too long to Harbour malicious intent. She was even foolish enough to say she is having a cordial relationship with the man, a cordial relationship without sex.

That man is balling hard outside with his numerous chick's while she cooks and caters for him and the home . Whose loss is it? Hers or the man?

She will come begging and the man will deal with her.

She could have sought a way forward after the man owned up. Get him tested, have a chat with him, visit a marriage counselor, and in the worst case scenario insist he wears a condom if he wants to make love to you.

You call a married man who isn't remorseful that he infected his wife who gave him 4 kids STDS and who still probably sleeps with his numerous chicks outside "balling?" Seriously!!!! . How did this generation of men get to this point of selfishness & despicable sense of reasoning? And you are even asking whose loss that is...Let me answer you that. If the woman dies from heartache or high blood pressure or one of the deadly diseases the man might be carrying around, do you think that shameless man can take care of those lovely kids? The woman knows this so....it's better to be safe than sorry.

@ she will come begging & the man will deal with her. If you were the OP's husband & you have this mentality after everything you have done to her, then you are wicked & hopelessly irredeemable. So, after infecting her & not taking steps to treat your mess, you will still deal with her? Do you seriously think you can take this easy advice of yours if your wife infects you with STD and still has this sense of entitlement that you must forgive her immediately and continue the way things were otherwise she will "deal" with you?

Please note, that the man owned up doesn't mean he's sober and remorseful. Remember the man ONLY confessed when she confronted him with her test result. She even asked him just few seconds before then & he denied. The randy man is not sorry he cheated. He's only sorry HE HAS BEEN FOUND OUT! So, just because the wife found out is not enough to keep him from continuing to cheat. And that's what the wife knows.

PS: I like real men who own up to their mistakes no matter how hard it sounds. I keep telling people that my problem is not with cheating. My problem is the lies behind the cheating (the lies before, during and after). That's what will determine your fate with me

Benita27:
As I never fùck any Nlander yet, there's nothing to be scared of. Save your threats for that day.

Hmmm... i wont believe this... Somebody will come up to counter this your statement now.

PaperLace:
YOUR DECISION ISN'T "HARSH".
1.Women are not robots. Cheating hurts them. It isn't enough to use condoms, you have to be psychologically prepared to have sex with him.
2. Forgiveness is gradual, it isn't instant.
3. No one should coerce or threaten you into forgiving.
4. Don't make yourself feel bad, he is the cheat.

OP, my problem with your lack of forgiveness is that, it's coming from a place of revenge;
1. You mentioned dual ownership of the house, you haven't let go _'cos you feel you are seated pretty and he can't do anything. Enviable way to sit for a NIGERIAN WIFE.

2. You mentioned he comes home late. Do you feel he isn't remorseful ENOUGH?

Whichever one it is, forgive your husband, he has apologised. Call your husband and tell him your grievances, if he loves you _he'll do things to make the weight easier on you.

He should go for necessary tests. Your good health is more important than the marriage or his libido (harsh but true). You both can also see a professional counsellor to guide you through this. Don't mention it to any unprofessional third party, it should remain a secret.

This is fine advice.
The OP is really in a tight position.
As a guy, I personally don't and won't trust the husband not to cheat again.

This situation will affect the OP's psychological drive to let the man touch her; fear and the likes.
It's a real difficult position but as you advised, both should regularly go for check-up together and she should just forgive the kolo of a husband if she still wants to be with him. ( not just because he can't do anything).

I just wish her well and pray never to be in her position

mazimee:
Those of you saying she was wrong with her decision can you give her a guarantee that she won't be infected with HIV the next time? Can y'all guarantee that she won't be a regular visitor to the hospital not because of anything else but to get treatment for STD/STI?

I hate when people say things they won't advice their sisters to do simply because they feel they have an Opinion. Yes, this may not be the best decision, but it is the safest she can make right now.



Madame, if your husband haven't shown any signs of responsibility, please continue to stay safe.

Well, the truth is, the husband won't show any sign of responsibility at this stage. Even if he does, it will just be a play to the gallery. She could have made a better decision at the inception of it (adultery saga). Not that I blame her, after all, she did what she thought was best at that point in time, perhaps, due to the disappointment. The problem now is, the man is far gone in the wild. Seriously, a whole year of no marital intercourse? For a man that was not even loyal when all the styles were being explored. That marriage needs prayer, and above all it needs love.

What u have done it's right,but the length or time is too much.do u want to kill d man? Well all d same he had learnt his lesson.but since he promised he had changed u can give him d benefit of doubt and make sure he uses condom and let him do test as well amd follow him to be sure d test is from genuine sorce

It's not the sex he had that is my problem, its the UNPROTECTED sex he had risking his wife in the process.

He should have learnt his lesson but you made matters worst.

Am sure by now he constantly gets sex outside so how would you rewrite tbe rules after he is used to what you allowed him to do. Your decision made matters worst. How long are you willing to continue like this? Have you prepared your mind never to have sex in the rest of your life? If you want sex, how will you get it? Outside your marriage like your husband?

Do something now and save both yourselves the trouble.

Pangea:


Walahi!
Dis your picture and the story actually made my coffee come out of my nose!
I don laugh tire here o

Happy to make sum1 laugh any day anytime.

Rokia2:
The fact that you opened this thread is enough to prove you are now sick of all this. You miss your husband and want the sex badly but pride and ego wouldn't let you put your guard down. But you just want strangers on the internet to tell you what you know you need to do. SMH

This is beyond childish. For a whole fu..c.king year you two have been living together fooling yourselves thinking you are fooling the world. Living in complete denial of the whole issue. What's the essence in staying together to be miserable? I guess some people just enjoy been depressed and miserable cause I see absolutely no logic in this whole thing.

You either forgive or divorce simple as that. Why do people live to please other people? Are people gonna die your death for you? Make a freaking decision and stop acting like kids. Instead of been embarrassed of what people will say, you guys should be embarrass of yourselves for letting your marriage deteriorate to this level.


What sort of a woman are you though? He cheated yes wrong but your job was to either forgive or leave. Why stay and make life miserable for him like this? You can sell the God damn house and everyone take their own share. But no the two of you decided to stay together just to live a terribly loveless and dysfunctional marriage. Teaching your children what exactly?

I'm a guy but I kind of support her on this. God has saved the woman from other STDs,she should just concentrate on her children. anybody that cheats once has a tendency of cheating some other times

Most of you all advising the OP, she is on a right track ve failed to see ur parent once or even still cheat, yet they ve accomodated themselves.

OP, u ve ur life to live, carry on with what rocks ur boat but know every decision we make ve its advantages nd disadvantages.

The truth u already know, u both cant continue like this for the next 5yrs. Either u start cheating or he makes up his mind to get another woman into the house nd damn the consequencies.....

Best of luck in ur decision.

Jman06:
Op your decision is good. Never tolerate a cheating man. How i wish you are in America, you would have easily have him thrown out of the house. Imagine, the useless man is not even remorseful hence he continued to cheat. If he was geniunely repentant he would have endured till now. One year of abstinence is not too much of a sacrifice to make to show that he has truely changed.

Op since he is not ready to change, get yourself a man who is ready to stay faithful to you. Don't throw in the towel unless you see genuine repentance in him, else he Will take his infidelity to a higher level.

Better still, go to court, get a divorce and have the property sold so you can have your own share of the money recovered from the sale.

It's high time ladies stopped taking sh1ts from men but have them lead responsible lives.

u talk as if it easy to get a faithful man.

U don punish am reach na.....u wan over do am bah? Be preparing for the worst.... When shit happens, and as adults, we shld learn how to deal with issues nd move on.....not stand on ur point as a statue...

All i see is a matter goin worse......when una no b bf nd gf

If he give anoda woman belle na, u go com hia again abi.......... We will always v smtin to say sha, da one no b problem

frenzyduchess:
Please tell us how a man that comes home late probably after banging a strange lady in a hotel has learnt his lesson? Or you skipped that part where he comes home late?

If he is still unrepentant and keeps late, hotels and all, go see ur father and return his bride price, as has will now be free to him