₦airaland Forum

It is an indication of frustration and possible mental derailment. The earlier she seeks both psychological and psychiatric attention, the better. Na so e dey start.

Hozier:
choi, what has happened to the Coco I know? These days, half of your comments are filled with arguements and malignant remarks.

NOETHNICITY:
Bros, kai, nawa for you o.

A question for you

how can you tell if the woman is truly remorseful and regrets her actions and not just trying to stay in the marriage for now.

u need a much more deeper understanding of the true nature of a woman.

u said the woman could ve ran away with the guy and abandoned her marriage. That she stayed bcoz she still loves her hussy.

going by the husband's narration this is not likely to be true since he said the man in question is already married with kids and may be unwilling to abscond with her. And Frm the tone of conversation between the cheating woman and her boyfriend, it seems the boyfriend is even the reluctant party in the affair. More devastating is the fact that the woman was clearly begging for his attention.

2ndly, The hussy caught her red handed. Not like she went to confess her actions. So how can you tell if she's no longer still interested in the affair ?

These are the factors he needs to consider before he can forget and put everything behind him.

If a woman is in love with you then you will always ve an advantage whether she's married or not. And the hussy even said she's been exhibiting an indifferent disposition for sexxxx with him lately. And this is a testament to the fact that a good part of her might no longer be with him.

bros, u sound intelligent to me but plz don't be naive.

U are right though. Women are complicated..

Hozier:
choi, what has happened to the Coco I know? These days, half of your comments are filled with arguements and malignant remarks.

Lol
I saved the gentle comments for people who have sense. That’s sorely lacking these days

Mznaett:
Simple and short...

Hmnnn

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Princedapace:
U are right though. Women are complicated..

infact that guy needs to be very careful now that he caught her in the act.
Now she might ve to change strategy and adopt a new means of reaching out to her boyfriend. She will tread more carefully this time.
He just might never ever catch her at it again.

he needs to be very careful now

lazygal:
Na me be number 3_ ...but I thank God.. For you to pick me out means my faith in God is threatening you put of all nairalanders you picked us?
This is truly a thing of joy.. Am not scared of death .death is inevitable .you will also die like every other person on earth...my only fear is to meet God wiyh y faith not being complete .....
If December is what God has destined for me am fine ..if not ...then I believe that month should be when you will testify that trully life and death belongs to no one but to him who created you

What did you say to him?

DOUBLEWAHALA:
I will appreciate anybody with a summary

Learn to forgive your wife, talk to her let her let you know w the areas you are not good at. For a married woman to fleet outside her marriage then something is missing, am sure its not financial but it could be affection issues.
You have to forgive her so that you can be happy with yourself.

Now that you have caught her, be very careful with your life

germainediva:
It's painful but remember you cheated on her too....no one is above mistake...if you still love her....forgive her and you both should work on your marriage...but if you can't live with it...then move on...marriage is not a do or die...

This present day women and their equal right nonsense sha.

Take it or leave it, equal right has no place in the home

ibkayee:
It doesn't give her liberty to nor does it make it right, but it's difficult to feel much sympathy for you, the sermon about trust in marriage you added was quite funny too

Hope you can work through it the same way she did when you were the one cheating, good luck

Anty, the home belongs to the man. He paid the bride price; he feeds the home and keeps the home functioning via his sweat. In fact you threw your father's name away and started bearing his name. He can even take a second wife if he wants.

You women have got to accept that the man is the head and owns you so long as he pays price on your head.

Take it or leave it, the man is free to have more than one woman if he can be responsible in dealing with them and can love them equally. The same thing can't be said about a woman.

I welcome your emotion-controlled, feminism-inspired response.

nairanaira12:
[s]Anty, the home belongs to the man. He paid the bride price; he feeds the home and keeps the home functioning via his sweat. In fact you threw your father's name away and started bearing his name. He can even take a second wife if he wants.

You women have got to accept that the man is the head and owns you so long as he pays price on your head.

Take it or leave it, the man is free to have more than one woman if he can be responsible in dealing with them and can love them equally. The same thing can't be said about a woman.

I welcome your emotion-controlled, feminism-inspired response.[/s]

Lol

ibkayee:
Lol

Hate it or love it, you are never and will never be equal to the man on the home front

nairanaira12:
Hate it or love it, you are never and will never be equal to the man on the home front

I don't plan to have a bride price paid 'on my head' and I also have my own money, you're preaching to the wrong person unfortunately lol

Can I marry you?

ibkayee:
I don't plan to have a bride price paid 'on my head' and I also have my own money, you're preaching to the wrong person unfortunately lol

ibkayee:
I don't plan to have a bride price paid 'on my head' and I also have my own money, you're preaching to the wrong person unfortunately lol

Better for you. Individuals having damaged and thwarted mentality like you have no business being married. You also have no business raising kids. You will be very bad influence on children. I hope you'll stay single to prevent spreading the disease of abnormality to hapless and innocent others.

ArchangeLucifer:
1. dpsam
2. josade44
3. lazygal
4. industrialfan
5. omoelerin1
6. tsmith
7. nyben4eva
8. mastercc
9. okangprecious
10. henribj




Dear Nairalanders, send your last messages to these monikers.

Since they refuse to listen despite my clear warning.

December will be their last on earth.

My Word is Bond.

I AM a CHOSEN,
I am a chosen
I am a chosen
Archangel Lucifer who are you....

nairanaira12:
Better for you. Individuals having damaged and thwarted mentality like you have no business being married. You also have no business raising kids. You will be very bad influence on children. I hope you'll stay single to prevent spreading the disease of abnormality to hapless and innocent others.

Lol I'm still getting married, I don't associate with your ilk in my daily life so none of that nonsense over here

I was thinking the same thing about you lol. Insecure little men like you who need women to be entirely dependant on them just so they can control and lord it over her are weak and need to be quarantined and eradicated from the gene stock

You are making a lot of sense this morning

ibkayee:
Lol I'm still getting married, I don't associate with your ilk in my daily life so none of that nonsense over here

I was thinking the same thing about you lol. Insecure little men like you who need women to be entirely dependant on them just so they can control and lord it over her are weak and need to be quarantined and eradicated from the gene stock

nairanaira12:
Anty, the home belongs to the man. He paid the bride price; he feeds the home and keeps the home functioning via his sweat. In fact you threw your father's name away and started bearing his name. He can even take a second wife if he wants.

You women have got to accept that the man is the head and owns you so long as he pays price on your head.

Take it or leave it, the man is free to have more than one woman if he can be responsible in dealing with them and can love them equally. The same thing can't be said about a woman.

I welcome your emotion-controlled, feminism-inspired response.

Bros, don't get too carried away. No one is struggling with the man as the head of the family, however, he doesn't own his wife. She is in fact his partner. This is what it is here and everywhere else. Stop being too overzealous so that your days might be long. Ask dude, ask those that are successful in marriages and hear how each went in without waging war at the out set! It is well o, I know you are about to start insulting me too ...have a great day

Betafuture, I like you moniker. Please unbehalf of your wife I beg, forgive her. Are you God? Even the Almighty won't take all those cries before He clears your mind of the guilt.

She is remorseful and that's all you need. Am sure she is deeply sorry, please forgive her and hold her close reassuring her you still love her. Consider who the Almighty is to us, we go astray from His will, we do all manner of things but He is faithful to forgive us when we cry out for it.

Forgive your wife, every marriage has trying times.

It is well with your marriage.

sisisioge:
Bros, don't get too carried away. No one is struggling with the man as the head of the family, however, he doesn't own his wife. She is in fact his partner. This is what it is here and everywhere else. Stop being too overzealous so that your days might be long. Ask dude, ask those that are successful in marriages and hear how each went in without waging war at the out set! It is well o, I know you are about to start insulting me too ...have a great day

Anty, a husband OWNS his wife. This is why bride price is paid by the man. Do you know the meaning of bride price? It means Owó Orí (the money on your head). Anyone who pays money on your head owns you, considering the place of importance of the head to the body. If there are elders in your family, go and meet them so that they can school you on the deep meaning of the bride price. You seem to be deeply lacking in that area.

The oyibo people that are giving you this unreasonable notion of husband /wife partnership, do you think they pay bride price? No, they don't.

Your husband can decide to make you a partner if he feels like it, but you are NEVER his partner by default. He has paid price on your head to your parents; that means he now owns and directs you. You dropped your name and also moved under his roof to signify his ownership of you and everything about you. Kindly wake up and be reasonable.

olubankemi:
Betafuture, I like you moniker. Please unbehalf of your wife I beg, forgive her. Are you God? Even the Almighty won't take all those cries before He clears your mind of the guilt.

She is remorseful and that's all you need. Am sure she is deeply sorry, please forgive her and hold her close reassuring her you still love her. Consider who the Almighty is to us, we go astray from His will, we do all manner of things but He is faithful to forgive us when we cry out for it.

Forgive your wife, every marriage has trying times.

It is well with your marriage.

That "Are you God" statement is out of it. Even God approves it if you divorce your wife based on sexual immorality

nairanaira12:
Anty, a husband OWNS his wife. This is why bride price is paid by the man. Do you know the meaning of bride price? It means Owó Orí (the money on your head). Anyone who pays money on your head owns you, considering the place of importance of the head to the body. If there are elders in your family, go and meet them so that they can school you on the deep meaning of the bride price. You seem to be deeply lacking in that area.

The oyibo people that are giving you this unreasonable notion of husband /wife partnership, do you think they pay bride price? No, they don't.

Your husband can decide to make you a partner if he feels like it, but you are NEVER his partner by default. He has paid price on your head to your parents; that means he now owns and directs you. You dropped your name and also moved under his roof to signify his ownership of you and everything about you. Kindly wake up and be reasonable.

Well, what can I say? May God bless you with a superwoman patient enough to condole your excesses. Good afternoon.

sisisioge:
Well, what can I say? May God bless you with a superwoman patient enough to condole your excesses. Good afternoon.

Go to elders in your family and let them enlighten you. Stop copying oyibo. Their ways are different from our ways. We have our culture and they have theirs. Because oyinbo does it doesn't make it the standard and doesn't make it right.

betafuture:
I am very sorry, it seems like anytime I post on Nairaland is actually the time I have great challenges in my life, however, my posts also reflect the chronicle of my life. You may wish to check out my last posting about how I was sacked in the Bank with a debt that was guaranteed by a junior staff, whose job was threatened by the loan I obtained and she guaranteed for me. please find the link https://www.nairaland.com/2282140/loan-incured-before-termination-appointment Like I mentioned in that post, I got a job as with a Rep member and he appointed me as the Special assistant on a salary of 80k monthly and my boss paid my rent, of which I engage with my lender to take 50k with me monthly and right off the excess interest and stop disturbing the junior colleague, an arrangement they agreed to and everybody was fine, save that I had to struggle to cope with 30k monthly as a family man, working in Abuja. My wife never complained. I just gave her 25k from the salary, once received, to buy food for the family why I tried to manage with the remaining 5k. It was tough! Luckily, a junior lady cousin who works in a bank was posted to Abuja and we had to accommodate her. She was very kind and understood my plight. Sometimes, she drops up to 50k for my wife to augment the house expenses. She would tell me and sometimes, I would take additional 10k to ad to my pocket money.

The home was running, my son, my wife and my cousin, including myself were very happy. As a banker, I had learned the skill of marketing and networking and negotiation. In the course of my sojourn in the national assembly I met a head of a parastatal wjo needed me to do some strategic alliance between his organization and my boss. We later became great friends, and i realized I could access a scholarship to study in the UK through him. To cut the story short, I pursued this opportunity to the latter and I got a Federal government scholarship to pursue a Masters degree in the UK. I saw this as an opportunity to rewrite the story of my life. Two months in the UK, I began to look for means to bring my wife and son to join me in the UK. While I was in UK, I made it a point of duty to send 150k to my wife in Nigeria on monthly basis (Remember I was on scholarship) and I also do student work in the UK. Because we did not sell our car during the crisis, I also gave the custody of the car to her.

FIRST SUSPICION

When she was about coming to the UK with my 7 years old son, we decided to give out some of our home appliances and sell most of them including the car. Since I was not in Nigeria, she was to manage the transactions. Because I opened her e-mail address, i do see her mails, so i could see the alert on her GTB. The first thing that prompted me was that the amount she received for the sales of our car was 100k higher than what she declared to me. (The fund was meant to buy the flight tickets for her and my son). There were other expense transactions that were over declared, but the actual amount debited to her account were quite low. I did not confront her on these issues until she arrived UK with my son. When I did, I could see the way she manipulatively and professionally lied her way out of the whole issue. I did not pick an offense, hence i made her to understand that I was never convinced. Since then my instinct told me that if she could lie to me so much on finance, maybe there are other things going on in her life that I never known. However, I opened her Facebook account for her years ago in Nigeria, but I never bothered to check it. Out of curiosity, I tried login into her Facebook account and I discovered she has changed the password. My first reaction was to check it, but had I done that, she would have been conscious, then I used my skill as an trained IT security expert to crack her password and then access her Facebook. I ran through all her messenger message and everything was fine. Apart from a certain guy who always beg her for assistance and prayer, there was nothing really suspicious about her messanger and then, we continued with our normal life.

After a week in UK, she started to work as a carer (her visa permitted her to work fully), and she began to make money. I know how much enters her account and we decide how to spend. My son also start schooling and life began to have meaning again. I finished my masters with a distinction and the best graduating student in my department and my University offered me automatic admission for PhD, with part scholarship.l To remain, we needed to source funds to show evidence that my family can stay with me in the UK and show evidence of the balance of school fees. We sourced for money everywhere. She brought all she had and we had to borrow both from UK and Nigeria. My boss was very supportive and I commenced the PhD this September. As a family, we have a problem. My son is now 8 years and we have been trying to make another baby but it does not seem to be forthcoming. We have been to hospitals in the UK, we were both tested and once told my sperm motility was low, treated, but later we were considered both ok.

Since her arrival in the UK, I noticed that my wife suddenly repel sexxx. Sometimes, we had sexxxx just once in a month, she would find a way of brushing away by advances. At a level, i had to ask if there was any problem, but she said it was because of the new environment, her jobs and what have you. This further told me that all was not well in my marriage. She knows I love her and I would do anything for her. While we were yet trying to pay my tuition, her mum got a US visa and all the children were making contributions for her journey, I had to take from my school fees and send to Nigeria and manage my school to give us more time. I tried to ensure that we continually live like one happy family.

Do not let me sound like one perfect good guy. I had also lived a rough bad life in the past and she is aware. During my days in the bank, I had been sexually reckless and irresponsible. There was a time I left office to a gal house, fckked her and I never knew that the condom we used was stick to my shoe. I drove with it home, entered home very late at night, my wife was already angrily waiting for me in the house, only to see a used condom with sperm inside attached to the soul of my shoe. It was an issue that we had to battle with for weeks, even though I never confess it was from, I told a story that it must have got gummed to me at the mechanic village where I had gone to pick my car in the evening (She was aware that someone has accused my mechanic of having sexxx in his car, leaving condom at the back seat). after few weeks, we resolved the issue and we continued leaving normal life. However, there was also a time I suspected her activities on Facebook and I realised a guy whom she has known in the past has been pestering her and she seems to be encouraging him (That was during our period of financial crisis). I had confronted her, she had denied they never had anything but the guy was just pestering her. I apologised and went sober. I called the guy (who was also married) and lived in another faraway city. The guy denied having anything to do with her that she just knew her while growing up. The guy originally blasted me, but later called back and apologized and promised never to disturb her again. I was hurting for months, after which I forgave, forgot and moved on. Let me also state that during the period of my financial crisis, I made a covenant with God, after listening to a message, that whatever the case maybe, I will remain faithful to my wife. This I have manage to keep despite advances from both married and single friends and acquaintances.

THE REAL ISSUE

Now, we are living in the UK and very happy, she is working full-time, while I pursue my PhD full-time, work part-time and my son schools full-time and we were all happy, save the issue of delayed pregnancy and (to me, the poor sex life from her). Let me also state that I bought her a Samsung phone (when she arrived last year), which I have full access to because I know her password. Few months ago, she told me she wanted a bigger phone that she would send the one I bought her to my younger brother in Nigeria who had been disturbing her for a phone. Even though, I thought we did not need to spend money on a new phone at that crucial time because of the looming school expenses, I consented just for her to be happy and she got herself a Samsung galaxy s8 plus for 700pounds, which she would repay of 2 years. The first thing that prompted me about the phone was that she changed her password, but I never mind because I thought she was preventing my son, who always loved to play game on her phone from accessing the phone. However, after few weeks, I began to feel very uncomfortable about the whole stuff. My instinct just told me all was not well. Whatever was it, I could not place my finger on it. But after reviewing my work with my supervisor in the University yesterday, I just felt like going home to rest, instead of studying in the school and then, I met wife in the house with my son. She was trying to order some items online for my son for Christmas and on arrival, she gave her phone to select what we should buy for him, and then, the FB message came into her phone and I could read...'it is not what you think, I have been very busy'

I selected the item I thought was ok, gave returned her phone, picked my laptop and logged in to her Facebook. My wife pretended she was enganging me in discussion, but was responding to the message from a guy, who obviously was her lover and she wrote (I was reading from my computer without her knowledge) 'You know I will ALWAYS LOVE YOU'. and the other guy responded 'I love you more baby' (By this time, I was already burning on the seat, but I somehow managed to keep my calm). She wrote 'But you don't call me' ...and she stood up and went to the kitchen (I wanted to gather enough evidence before I reacted), but immediately she got to the kitchen, she deleted the conversation. At this time, I could not take it. My son was in the sitting room, watching cartoon. I went to her in the kitchen and aggressively confronted her. She originally pretended she did not know what I was saying, but when she say the aggression and seriousness in me she started begging and crying. I lost control of my emotion. I was angry and shouting. My son was there. He was too young, but very intelligent. he understood everything and began to blame his mum, at the same time asking me ti give mum a second chance. I was bitterly hurting. I felt like tearing her into pieces, but if I tried that in UK, it will be straight to jail. She could not state the reason behind her action. She was still trying to lie. She said the guy was her ex and they recently became friends on Facebook and the guy is trying to rekindle the old relationship. The guy is based in Nigeria, they do not even see. Everything she said was incoherently sense. All she wanted was that I should forgive her. I should not tell anybody. She cried, wept and what have you. I was hurting. If it were to by Nigeria, she would have left my house yesetrday, but in UK, it is difficult. The love turned to hatred. She managed to convince me to enter room with her, so that she will discuss the issue with me, without getting our son involved. In the room, it was the same crying and plea for forgiveness and a promise it would never happen again. I told her i was ok, but she would not let me out. I had to angrily shove her away from the door and she hit her head against the wardrobe. i was too angry, too sad, and too hateful to care. i called her all manners of unprintable names. I cursed her, I was just too angry. She kept begging. I left for the sitting room and she came back, knelt down before me and kept begging. My son was crying that two of us were making him sad. The young boy even threatened to tell his teacher in the school on monday. I was too angry to listen. I just told her to let me be. She stood up with tears in her eyes to enter the toilet, I checked her Facebook account again and realised that the lover had sent another message thus: "My dear I don't call you always to protect your home, but I always check your pictures every night before I go to bed" As I was reading, she stupidly deleted that again in the toilet. (Please note that my wife always post our family pictures on facebook, stating how I am the best husband in the world).

My anger erupted again and I rushed to meet her in the bathroom and asked her why she deleted the last message of the guy and she tearfully answered that she did not want me to see anything that could aggravate my anger the more. I angrily snatched the phone from her and smashed it on the floor. She knelt down at my feet and continued to cry and beg for forgiveness, but I was hurting so badly. I left for sitting room again and my son was confusedly crying. She came back and knelt before me and continued begging and weeping and begged we should go back to the room to discuss, at least to protect our son. After a while, i followed her. There was nothing to say; the same weeping, crying and promises to not do it again and swearing that they never had anything together. I told her I needed to talk to the guy and she pleaded I should not. I told her she is giving me an impression that she is protecting the guy so that she could continue her illicit affairs with him and told her it would not work. The can change tactics, but its is only a matter of time. I told her, I would forgive her, but I cannot trust her again and when there is no trust in marriage, the marriage is gone. I also told her I must engage that guy that she should give me his number, but she said her phone is no longer working. I made her feel comfortable that I have forgiven her, but honestly I am hurting. I went back to my laptop, continued chat with the guy on her messenger, but he was now online. We both slept on the same bed, i realised she could not sleep. In the middle of the night she woke me up to beg again, she was offering a make-up sexxx, but I was not interested. I told her i had forgiven her, but I am still hurting and there is no way i could have erection with her. In the morning, I checked her messanger, i discovered the iddiot has responded, still claiming to love her. I checked his profile, I realised he is a muslim, who has a wife with two kids. His location was not shown, but most of his pics her in Nigeria apart from two which have foreign background. I also realize he has limited posts on FB, but the phone number on his FB page is US phone number.

From my wife's FB account, I sent a message thus:

Hi, Mr Farouq, my name is Adams, I am Grace husband
I just wish to inform you that all the rubbish you have been doing with my wife are now exposed to me
I advise you in the name of whatever thing you believe, STAY AWAY FROM MY WIFE.

I also realize you are a married man. If you have any moral integrity and respect for family values, you will know that
responsible men do not run after married women or break homes.

I do not care whatever you claim you think of her, just heed this warning STAY AWAY FROM MY WIFE.

He read it an never respond. I went to her facebook setting and unfriended him.

I left home in the morning to go study in the library, but honestly, I could not assimilate anything. I am so emotionally broken down, so psychologically disturbed. The whole event kept playing in my head. I found it difficult to rationalise it. I continued to find fault in my being and my personality. I know I am very attractive handsome young man. Despite showing I am married, ladies still flock around me. I am also a passionate lovemaker. I dress well and look neat. I don't seem to understand where I have failed. Sometimes I just close my eyes and i feel tears dripping, but I have got to be strong. As for her, she has remained in the room since morning, hiding her head in shame and crying profusely. I have cut off communication with her since I came back from school and I have enganged myself in drinking spirit maybe my spirit will be strenghtened.

This is my story, this is my ordeal. Please I need advice.

Thanks.

if you would have loved a second chance when you were flirting, then give her one. everyone deserves a second chance.

Oga pls forgive her and move on

Just go settle with your partner and continue building your family

cococandy:
Yes

For one reason or another;
Would you be more comfortable cheating on your husband if he has chested on you than if he hasn't?

pattybf:
Worst u say?

It wasn't worst when he was sleeping around n lying ba? Which I know he's still doing anyways!

Bloody hypocrites everywhere!

So if your husband jumped into fire you would do the same, right? Or will you steal because you caught him stealing?

What nonsense!

You cheat because you want to, not because your husband does!

Don't tell me that.

If your caught your husband cheating and couldn't cope, L E A V E. Period.

Just dealt with a real life case of an adulterous woman who when caught red handed initially begged the husband with crocodile tears. When he assembled both their families on the issue, she suddenly turned around to say her husband also cheated. So they resolved to call it even IF he was found guilty: After thoroughly investigating her alleged husband's infidelity, it was found that the man was COMPLETELY INNOCENT.

Every adult is a free moral agent, capable of making choices.

nairanaira12:
Anty, a husband OWNS his wife. This is why bride price is paid by the man. Do you know the meaning of bride price? It means Owó Orí (the money on your head). Anyone who pays money on your head owns you, considering the place of importance of the head to the body. If there are elders in your family, go and meet them so that they can school you on the deep meaning of the bride price. You seem to be deeply lacking in that area.

The oyibo people that are giving you this unreasonable notion of husband /wife partnership, do you think they pay bride price? No, they don't.

Your husband can decide to make you a partner if he feels like it, but you are NEVER his partner by default. He has paid price on your head to your parents; that means he now owns and directs you. You dropped your name and also moved under his roof to signify his ownership of you and everything about you. Kindly wake up and be reasonable.

bros ,e don do now ,u go dey let most of intending bride to be who are watching and or reading reading ur post to get scared . Arrrgh! Eleyi gidigan oo ,e je ebure .

nairanaira12:
Go to elders in your family and let them enlighten you. Stop copying oyibo. Their ways are different from our ways. We have our culture and they have theirs. Because oyinbo does it doesn't make it the standard and doesn't make it right.

I agree with u on this gbam! The reason why we yet to find our rythm . Time was when ladies were seen as prostitute when they wear jeans trouser ,or were adorned with male apparel . But now ,they call it fashion and what is in -vogue ish!