₦airaland Forum

teresafaith:
A recent study suggests men whose wives keep their name are viewed as more feminine

Visiting my family in the Midwest over the holidays, I returned to a topic that’s become very familiar ever since I became engaged a little more than a year ago: Whether I plan to change my last name after I get married.

Given that I’m the youngest person in my family to have the name Berman, my relatives were eager to know whether that lineage would end with my wedding in about a month or with my death (hopefully a long time from now). I assured them I’d stay a Berman forever.

This is something I’ve known for some time. A college friend recently told me he remembers my answer when asked about a future name change well before I knew whether I’d get married or my fiancé appeared on the scene. Incredulously, I apparently said something along the lines of: “I have a byline to maintain.”

Certainly, my career provides a valid rationale for keeping my name, but I’ve never understood why I have to give one. If I’m being honest, it’s hard for me to wrap my head around the logic behind why a recently married woman would change her name (except in a few, very exceptional circumstances).

I was recently reminded that this opinion is very much in the minority: A study published earlier this month in the journal Sex Roles found that the husbands of women who chose to keep their surname were more likely to be perceived as feminine than those whose wives changed their names.

“There are stereotypes about men whose wives retain their surnames after marriage,” said Rachael Robnett, a psychology professor at the University of Nevada-Las Vegas and one of the authors of the study. That may be in part because the notion that a woman who marries a man is supposed to change her name is so entrenched in our society, she said.

Robnett’s research is only the latest evidence that the name change tradition has held on in a very strong way. According to a 2009 analysis of 2004 government data , just 6% of married, native-born American women had an “unconventional” last name, which includes keeping their maiden name, hyphenating their last name or taking on two last names. There’s some indication this trend may be shifting;
about 20% of women who married relatively recently kept their last names, according to a Google survey conducted by the New York Times. But the bulk of women marrying men still appear to be changing their names.
“As a gender researcher, I’ve noticed that there is pretty strong adherence to gender roles within heterosexual relationships,” Robnett said. “In so many other domains of society we actually see people pushing against traditional gender roles” like in the workplace, she added. So why is this one of the few traditions that continues to persist with little question? There are a variety of reasons, according to researchers:
• “It’s hard to make an argument for why it’s important other than it’s just important to the woman,” said Emily Shafer, a sociologist at Portland State University. And in the family or personal realm, we expect women to be “other interested” instead of self-interested, she said.
“To say I want to keep my name is in a way saying I’m going to put my identity ahead of traditional norms surrounding family,” she said.
• “There’s no good solution when kids show up,” Shafer said. We’re still at a point where it’s incredibly rare for a child to take on their mother’s last name or receive a hyphenated last name. That means that even when a woman keeps her surname, it ultimately gets lost in the next generation in many cases. That may be motivation for women to simply give into the tradition and change their names, she said.

• Fear of scrutiny: Robnett said she decided to look into how men whose wives kept their last names were perceived because she wanted to get a sense of whether husbands’ opinions were playing a role in their wives’ choices. “Obviously this isn’t a decision that women are making in a vacuum,” she said. “Maybe men are somewhat aware that these stereotypes exist.”
Other research indicates women who keep their names may also face scrutiny after they make that decision, which they’d rather avoid, Robnett said.

• It seems romantic: Robnett notes the idea of a woman changing her name when she marries a man is tied up in a lot of the romantic ideas we have about love and marriage, which can be hard to push back on. In many cases the decision to change a last name is viewed as a signal of “devotion and love for their spouse” as well as “a show of family unity,” Robnett said.
But, she notes, the power of those ideas may be helping to maintain the stereotypes surrounding women who keep their last names and the stereotypes surrounding their husbands.
• Perhaps the most salient reason for why women by and large change their last names upon marrying a man: It’s what we’re used to , according to Laurie Scheuble, a sociologist at Penn State University.

The tradition of women changing their last names to match their husbands’ has its origins in the property transfer that took place upon marriage, Scheuble said. Essentially, women went from being part of their parents’ family to becoming their husbands’ property.
“Although we don’t have that property aspect anymore, we still have this whole gendered notion that women somehow are obligated to take the last names of their husbands,” she said. “It’s turned over to normative tradition.”

For the majority of boys and girls, the heterosexual couples they see have the same last name and so they don’t imagine doing anything different, Scheuble said. That was the case for my fiancé, who says that before we started dating he assumed that if he married, his wife would take his last name. He adjusted pretty easily to the idea that I’d be keeping my name, but nonetheless, it wasn’t what he’d grown up expecting.

My comfort in keeping my name may extend in part from having had the opposite experience. My mom kept her last name and, as it happens, so did most of the moms of my friends. And in my experience, many of the concerns that are often raised by the notion of a woman keeping her last name — that the family wouldn’t feel like a unit, that there would be challenges traveling or picking up kids from school, etc. — never came to pass.

But for people whose mothers changed their names after marrying, it can be hard to convince them that there won’t be challenges to having a partner with a different surname. Scheuble says she often talks with her college students about why they plan to change their names or expect their future wives to, and will play Devil’s Advocate. For example, she may respond to concerns that everyone should have the same last name with a question about why it can’t be the wife’s, but it does little to change their minds.
“The big thing about marital naming is that women still take their husband’s last name, that’s a big thing,” she said. “It’s the last socially acceptable sexism.”


https://www.morningstar.com/news/market-watch/TDJNMW_20171227124/update-why-so-many-women-still-take-their-husbands-last-name.html

All these plenty talks about keeping last name.
This is Africa and we have traditional rites that come with marriages..If it is the Husbands wish for the wife to keep her last name the prerogative is His..The wife has no claims to that..Except in very rare circumstances when branding is invloved..

BeansAndBread:
I think this is caused because we've over adopted the Western Culture. I'll speak for Islam only; Islamically a woman bears her father's name even after marriage. So if you'll find in many strict Islamic countries women despite after marriage still bear names like Zainab bint Mu'awiyah(Zainab daughter of Mu'awiyah).

So we need to do away with the Western Culture and adopt the Islamic one I know some people will pounce on me but that's the hard reality, we're still under the clutches of colonialism.

Start with your wives and your daughters first. Go back and compel tour mother and your aunts to revert, then we would know you are a real Islamist

carinmom:
My family's name is equally important, I just can't imagine myself discarding it and adopting someone's name. What if the marriage did not work?

Even if you marry an Otedola?

Everybody has a choice.As for me my surname stays the highest I can do is to add his if he wants it.But that surname that goes well with my name is going nowhere it stays even after marriage.

carinmom:
My family's name is equally important, I just can't imagine myself discarding it and adopting someone's name. What if the marriage did not work?

dear muslimah... that's the way of the world

zicoraads:
Even if you marry an Otedola?

Let me answer you for me even if it otedola the name stays(my surname).

dubemnaija:
God punish all APC members and their families, Masha Allah, Amin!

that swear carry fire, the secretariat will feel it, Come take 1 coldddddddd orijin

mylifeisagift:
All these plenty talks about keeping last name.
This is Africa and we have traditional rites that come with marriages..If it is the Husbands wish for the wife to keep her last name the prerogative is His..The wife has no claims to that..Except in very rare circumstances when branding is invloved..

Don't bring this is Africa because name changing is a western thing.Many ladies prefer hyphenating the name some don't even change it even in this country.

BeansAndBread:
I think this is caused because we've over adopted the Western Culture. I'll speak for Islam only; Islamically a woman bears her father's name even after marriage. So if you'll find in many strict Islamic countries women despite after marriage still bear names like Zainab bint Mu'awiyah(Zainab daughter of Mu'awiyah).

So we need to do away with the Western Culture and adopt the Islamic one I know some people will pounce on me but that's the hard reality, we're still under the clutches of colonialism.

You are very stupid. Hear yourself.

Comparing culture and religion (Western , Islamic . . . )

BeansAndBread:
I think this is caused because we've over adopted the Western Culture. I'll speak for Islam only; Islamically a woman bears her father's name even after marriage. So if you'll find in many strict Islamic countries women despite after marriage still bear names like Zainab bint Mu'awiyah(Zainab daughter of Mu'awiyah).

So we need to do away with the Western Culture and adopt the Islamic one I know some people will pounce on me but that's the hard reality, we're still under the clutches of colonialism.

Even in African culture you're still your father's child

free2ryhme:
always the feminists card

these women sha !

they are quick to forget that men and woman are not equal but unique in their own way and it is not about superiority.

yet they end up using their own father's name so who is a man so who is fooling who ?

If not slave mentality and bloated ego, why would you want your wife to adopt your name which is a British custom?
Even Islam that is so repressive of women recommends that women keep their maiden name.

flyca:
Changing to my husband's name is not too feasible for me.
That will mean changing all the names in all my docs.
Thankfully, my oga understands that it has nothing to do with feminism or what not. Just feasibility.

I agree.

carinmom:
My family's name is equally important, I just can't imagine myself discarding it and adopting someone's name. What if the marriage did not work?

Tell who pay ur bride price that. Here on nl I don't give a fvck booby doesn't give a flying fvck too.

Una go just come dey disturb person.

BeansAndBread:
I think this is caused because we've over adopted the Western Culture. I'll speak for Islam only; Islamically a woman bears her father's name even after marriage. So if you'll find in many strict Islamic countries women despite after marriage still bear names like Zainab bint Mu'awiyah(Zainab daughter of Mu'awiyah).

So we need to do away with the Western Culture and adopt the Islamic one I know some people will pounce on me but that's the hard reality, we're still under the clutches of colonialism.

Your sense is like that of bread and beans


its poor!

FrenchWay:
...
Me wey be guy sef... If Dangote or Otedola gimme him daughter; I go even change my surname to their own.
My name Haliru Dutsinma go turn to Haliru Otedola

You are funny,if you marry bill gates daughter or mark Zuckerberg and wealthy non Nigerians you go answer the papa name and wife name join.

carinmom:
My family's name is equally important, I just can't imagine myself discarding it and adopting someone's name. What if the marriage did not work?

I pity you sister...

farem:
Start with your wives and your daughters first. Go back and compel tour mother and your aunts to revert, then we would know you are a real Islamist

My mum doesn't bear my dad's name

jboy73:
Because the man purchased you.
Its a way of telling other men or potential suitors that you've already bin purchased, and paid for... The last name is like a tag... A purchase receipt

So you are a retailer?

Where I like in this post is where it was said when kids show up, they take up their father's name. This settles the dust

BeansAndBread:
I think this is caused because we've over adopted the Western Culture. I'll speak for Islam only; Islamically a woman bears her father's name even after marriage. So you'll find in many strict Islamic countries women despite after marriage still bear names like Zainab bint Mu'awiyah(Zainab daughter of Mu'awiyah).

So we need to do away with the Western Culture and adopt the Islamic one I know some people will pounce on me but that's the hard reality, we're still under the clutches of colonialism.

Seems you have cockroaches drilling holes in your brain

Berlyn1:
I am Just here to read comments. ...ignore me

seconded

carinmom:
My family's name is equally important, I just can't imagine myself discarding it and adopting someone's name. What if the marriage did not work?

your husband name is now “someone's ” pathetic of you. feminism can never work 100yrs to come

if the marriage didnt work still bear is name because you and whatsoever you own he has paid for
in benin constitution a wife calls her husband “noyemwen" meaning who own me including everything she has both house cars etc western ideology is getting deep in africa minds which we will eradicate

It should be the woman's choice, if she wants to change her name or not or hyphenate both last names
Also the man is free to take his wife's last name, or hyphenate both,
Or both can just find an alternative.
That will be the names the kids bear.

It's disgusting that some people in this thread are saying that because a woman was purchased she has to bear the Man's name,
To many people here a woman is nothing more than an object or a slave. How can someone use Purchased for a human being again.

Ghostmode2two:
Where I like in this post is where it was said when kids show up, they take up their father's name. This settles the dust

Exactly my view too.
I will not really care much if my wife takes up my surname. I will not object if she chose to answer her father's name only.
My main contest will be for my Children to bear my Surname only. They are free to fill their mother's maiden name when asked in a form.

The world is Patriarchal.

When it gets to the stage that children have to bear both their parents name; then their will be no need for ceremonious marriages as we have it today. What will be obtainable is for two people to come together to procreate and co-parent their offspring.

Still I often feel the concept of Marriage is unnecessarily overrated and over-demanded for... I think it serves no other purpose than to maintain the prevailing social structure.

Procreation, fertilisation, and reproduction occurs when a viable sperm meets a fertile egg.. it has nothing to do with ceremonies or legal agreement or traditional binding.

Am open to better expose though.

madgoat:
Seems you have cockroaches drilling holes in your brain

Mad goat!

I prefer hyphenated surnames.

flyca:
Changing to my husband's name is not too feasible for me.
That will mean changing all the names in all my docs.
Thankfully, my oga understands that it has nothing to do with feminism or what not. Just feasibility.

I hyphenated my surname and I tell you, it's been cumbersome because I was someone who did investments right from when I was a student. I just hope I won't lose my stocks and shares. They might not be worth a lot but I bought them from my pocket money as a student when I could have been wearing the latest fashion.
Now, I can't pay the dividend warrants into my account (as they are in my maiden name) as my name has changed on my accounts, even if slightly and the federal government has given till end of this year to clean up dividend payments.

DuBLINGreenb:
Carry your feminism to the Muslim and Arab world. All these women once you give them chance they want chances.
We say wear what you like they are now going naked,
We gave them assurance they must get atleast 30% in every sphere of life now they want everything some pity us and say 50/50,
We say you can keep your father's last name now they want to keep it and dump our names.
We gave them deaconess and some gave them bishop now they want female pope.

In the Arab world it was just yesterday women were allowed to start driving cars? You people should go there and free your sisters.

It should not be a rule that you should not bear your husbands last name but if you want to do it personally fine, na you and ur husband sabi but don't do as if it is punishment.
Surely if your name is already globally recognised your husband will understand with you this is not issue to campaign about.

Please who is the 'we' that is giving women these 'chances'?

ivolt:
If not slave mentality and bloated ego, why would you want your wife to adopt your name which is a British custom?
Even Islam that is so repressive of women recommends that women keep their maiden name.

what does you own village custom dictates about wives maiden ?

when you find out let us know

Daeylar:
It should be the woman's choice, if she wants to change her name or not or hyphenate both last names
Also the man is free to take his wife's last name, or hyphenate both,
Or both can just find an alternative.
That will be the names the kids bear.

It's disgusting that some people in this thread are saying that because a woman was purchased she has to bear the Man's name,
To many people here a woman is nothing more than an object or a slave. How can someone use Purchased for a human being again.

technically, women are purchased in Nigeria and many parts of the world. You are just being emotional about it.

Daeylar:
It should be the woman's choice, if she wants to change her name or not or hyphenate both last names
Also the man is free to take his wife's last name, or hyphenate both,
Or both can just find an alternative.
That will be the names the kids bear.

It's disgusting that some people in this thread are saying that because a woman was purchased she has to bear the Man's name,
To many people here a woman is nothing more than an object or a slave. How can someone use Purchased for a human being again.

Sister don't mind them imagine one was saying if you give women something they ask for more,like as if women are not human beings and have human rights.