₦airaland Forum

ikpuru1234:
It’s obvious to me that my marriage has finally crashed down. I always have an argument with my husband almost every month. To think we have been married for 11 years its an understatement as my marriage keep getting worse each year. My husband has this mentality that his own idea or opinion on a subject it’s the best, therefore, anytime I have a different opinion he will shout and get us into quarrelling.
We have not quarreled since November, so two days ago we were just watching a movie and there was a scene where a church member was discussing her marital problem to the pastor without knowing that pastor and his wife are going through worse rough patches in their own marriage. I quickly stated this is why couples should try and settle their marital problems without a third party. I added this is what I was telling you when you told our friend about our problem. He didn’t even allow me to finish, he started yelling, shouting, calling me names like idiots, pussy, to the extent that he came back from inside the room and spat on me many times, that I had to spat back before he now left my personal space. I was shocked at how much he reacted. If I didn’t know him I would have thought he was under the influence of drug/alcohol. Our kids came out from the room and was shouting we should stop that spatting, screaming it was gross. They are just under 10 years.

The following day, I demanded his audience that I would like to discuss about what happened yesterday. He said he is not listening that I should go and learn about marriage. I told him that him spitting on me was demeaning, and I would not accept it, but he started shouting again and even spat on me 3 times again, saying I cannot do anything, that every time I keep reminding him something of the past. I now told him that our marriage is over. He said if you like pack your things and leave but I will not leave the house for you.

We recently moved to another country so I am not working, he is the only one working. I supported him and left my well paid job to migrate to a different country and this is what I got from him. I believe he did this because I don’t have any job or anywhere to run to in this new place. We have had our shares of arguments but spitting on me I take it as last straw. I would have left house but no place to go. I went to help Centre they said I could get support if I press charges as spitting is also an offence where we are. But I don’t really want to go that route.
I have gotten a part time job which I will resume hopefully end of the month. I have been thinking on two options now. To cut the story short.

Option 1: continue living with him until I get enough money in the next three months, rent a new house and vamoose with my children.
Option 2: live together as housemates, don’t get into much discussion with him, no sleeping together(to me this option is just because of what people, my family will say and kids).

My heart is yearning for option one because he has an anger problem, he has hit me before about 8 years ago, I called police, since then he doesn’t hit me but still comes close to me during arguments by shrugging or just giving me a push. I feel him spitting on me was another way of running away from hitting me. I dread hitting me would have been his option if we were living in Nigeria. Our kids are growing and watching him screaming on top of his voice, this scares my daughter from getting married as she has mentioned he doesn’t want to be screaming with his husband that she will not get married. I also have ended up learning some of his silly behavior just to show him how it feels such as screaming back, cutting phones as he does this all the time if he feels you have a different view, keeping malice for days. Usually I am not that person but I have tried to get him stop doing that all to no avail. Am tired. When my mum came around to our place, on different occasions he made her stay terrible with bad behavior of picking quarrel with me and keeping malice including at my mum. He watches pornography and blames me I don’t give him intimacy. Although I had a talk severally about the impact of that as our kids use his phones and laptop and may be exposed as sometimes he leaves the page on and sleeps off. I told him I will try and give it to him anytime he comes, but few months ago, I noticed he still goes there.
Obviously, we are both not happy in the relationship. He doesn’t show remorse and for the fact that I will be walking on egg shell all the time scares me. I feel like separating for a while will do us good, also we could get counselling and his management on anger if we decide to come back together. He can keep malice forever, always blaming me for all his problems. Very emotional and sensitive human being. I am tired of his immaturity and it seems the older he gets worse it becomes, he will be 45 soon. Any advice on what step to take is highly appreciated.

Let me make an informed guess.

Based on the information you have provided, you probably work for charity or christian ministry that does some work in psychiatric institutions, where you met one of the patients that had been stabilised and you fell in love with him.

Then you married him and after a while he stopped taking his drugs, or the dosage mixture was no longer adequate, hence he relapsed and turned back to his psychotic phases?

Am I right?

Because that is the only logical thing I can deduce from this story where there is nothing you did that contributed to this or triggered it.

Only a psycho would marry a woman that is completely innocent & good-natured and then decide to start spitting at her in an argument over minor TV debate (by the way, what a fcking disgusting outcome).

Oyindidi:
That's men for you.

Yes, Oyindidi.

Men are baastards abi?

And una be angels?

dingbang:
both of you lack understanding. work on it.

There is NOTHING to work on here.

They are major contributors to the miserable institution called marriage.

Sagamite:
Yes, Oyindidi.

Men are baastards abi?

And una be angels?

Nah, some of una too dey do

cummando:
Like divorce? What you see as depression might be a hurdle she has to overcome for a happier tomorrow. Its an advice though. Its left for her to take it or leave it. Its not compulsory

Continue deceiving yourself.

Abi na your pastor dey deceive you.

Oyindidi:
Nah, some of una too dey do

Don't you just like the way una dey tell one-sided stories that shows you peeps as white-wearing, innocent "victims"?

Sagamite:
Don't you just like the way una dey tell one-sided stories that shows you peeps as white-wearing, innocent "victims"?

You are mouthed, the men do same when they create threads here.

Something happened yesterday and I almost create a thread here. I rather hug my pillow tight and slept off while bobo was nagging. Person wey dey sleep no dey quarrel.

Oyindidi:
You are mouthed, the men do same when they create threads here.

Men tend not to fake "victim" of women.

Oyindidi:
Something happened yesterday and I almost create a thread here. I rather hug my pillow tight and slept off while bobo was nagging. Person wey dey sleep no dey quarrel.

Kai!

You get little sense sha?

Why you no boil water pour am for im head and then slap him?

Sagamite:
Let me make an informed guess.

Based on the information you have provided, you probably work for charity or christian ministry that does some work in psychiatric institutions, where you met one of the patients that had been stabilised and you fell in love with him.

Then you married him and after a while he stopped taking his drugs, or the dosage mixture was no longer adequate, hence he relapsed and turned back to his psychotic phases?

Am I right?

Because that is the only logical thing I can deduce from this story where there is nothing you did that contributed to this or triggered it.

Only a psycho would marry a woman that is completely innocent & good-natured and then decide to start spitting at her in an argument over minor TV debate (by the way, what a fcking disgusting outcome).

Truly some men are just brutes! While no wife can be completely perfect some men behave in the manner described above even unprovoked!

babythug:
Truly some men are just brutes! While no wife can be completely perfect some men behave in the manner described above even unprovoked!

I see!

And women are just innocent abi, just not completely perfect?

Sagamite:
Men tend not to fake "victim" of women.
Kai!
You get little sense sha?

Why you no boil water pour am for im head and then slap him?

Lol, no need for that, I realized it's for better for worst. When I'm in my worst behaviour too I expect him to tolerate me. That's the beauty of marriage.

Why men dey nag these days?

Really can't believe some people are telling her to be patient? After 11 years? Its not easy to be a woman ohh I swear.

Oyindidi:
Lol, no need for that, I realized it's for better for worst. When I'm in my worst behaviour too I expect him to tolerate me. That's the beauty of marriage.

Why men dey nag these days?

So na combined brain una get.

Konga-ile-shan!

I wouldn't know why a man would nag. I am not one that does such. I act by moving on.

My happiness is priority and in my hands. Not in any woman's hand. Fit in or fit out!

Sagamite:
So na combined brain una get.

Konga-ile-shan!

I wouldn't know why a man would nag. I am not one that does such. I act by moving on.

My happiness is priority and in my hands. Not in any woman's hand.

I learnt that late last year. I'm more selfish now, I careless about other people's happiness.

Oyindidi:
I learnt that late last year. I'm more selfish now, I careless about other people's happiness.

Stop that, girl.

Don't make me teasher teashing you nonsense o.

I care about other people's happiness especially anyone I am dating.

I just wouldn't let them spoil my happiness with unreasonable behaviours and I would not sacrifice my happiness for these.

I am not that romantic! I am yorubatic!

Their happiness have to fit into the sphere of mine. It not, it is free to fester, ferment and metabolise outside it.

Sagamite:
Stop that, girl.

Don't make me teasher teashing you nonsense o.

I care about other people's happiness especially anyone I am dating.

I just wouldn't let them spoil my happiness with unreasonable behaviours and I would not sacrifice my happiness for these.

I am not that romantic! I am yorubatic!

Their happiness have to fit into the sphere of mine. It not, it is free to fester, ferment and metabolise outside it.

More like Yoruba demon?

I was too tenderhearted and I feel used most times. I only do what will make me happy. No time for anybody

Oyindidi:
More like Yoruba demon?

Oyindidi:
I was too tenderhearted and I feel used most times. I only do what will make me happy. No time for anybody

Good!

Sagamite:




Good!

Thought you are from Igbo

Oyindidi:
Thought you are from Igbo

I look Igbo, but I be Yoruba Satan from Sagamu!

Sagamite:
I look Igbo, but I be Yoruba Satan from Sagamu!

Atheist? I have a friend from sagamu

Oyindidi:
Atheist? I have a friend from sagamu

Deist!

I don't believe in any of the crap fables black people subject themselves to and feel terrorised by.

https://www.nairaland.com/505643/sagamite-lets-discuss-agnostic-deism

I bet some black foooool was reading my last post in shock, thinking how can someone call himself "Satan" and spraying holy water on his/her screen.

Anuofia idiots!

Sagamite:
Deist!

I don't believe in any of the crap fables black people subject themselves to and feel terrorised by.

https://www.nairaland.com/505643/sagamite-lets-discuss-agnostic-deism

I bet some black foooool was reading my last post in shock, thinking how can someone call himself "Satan" and spraying holy water on his/her screen.

Anuofia idiots!

Lol, you no be am. E good say you no go marry

Oyindidi:
Lol, you no be am. E good say you no go marry

I prefer my happiness on this Earth and in this world. Those that want to wait, make dem wait for paradise.

Paradise ko, Disabledise ni.

Sagamite:


I prefer my happiness on this Earth and in this world. Those that want to wait, make dem wait for paradise.

Paradise ko, Disabledise ni.

You sound like you're in your 40s. Na that time men dey craze

Oyindidi:
You sound like you're in your 40s. Na that time men dey craze

70s!

Waiting to go to heaven and get 20 virgins.

ikpuru1234:
It’s obvious to me that my marriage has finally crashed down. I always have an argument with my husband almost every month. To think we have been married for 11 years its an understatement as my marriage keep getting worse each year. My husband has this mentality that his own idea or opinion on a subject it’s the best, therefore, anytime I have a different opinion he will shout and get us into quarrelling.
We have not quarreled since November, so two days ago we were just watching a movie and there was a scene where a church member was discussing her marital problem to the pastor without knowing that pastor and his wife are going through worse rough patches in their own marriage. I quickly stated this is why couples should try and settle their marital problems without a third party. I added this is what I was telling you when you told our friend about our problem. He didn’t even allow me to finish, he started yelling, shouting, calling me names like idiots, pussy, to the extent that he came back from inside the room and spat on me many times, that I had to spat back before he now left my personal space. I was shocked at how much he reacted. If I didn’t know him I would have thought he was under the influence of drug/alcohol. Our kids came out from the room and was shouting we should stop that spatting, screaming it was gross. They are just under 10 years.

The following day, I demanded his audience that I would like to discuss about what happened yesterday. He said he is not listening that I should go and learn about marriage. I told him that him spitting on me was demeaning, and I would not accept it, but he started shouting again and even spat on me 3 times again, saying I cannot do anything, that every time I keep reminding him something of the past. I now told him that our marriage is over. He said if you like pack your things and leave but I will not leave the house for you.

We recently moved to another country so I am not working, he is the only one working. I supported him and left my well paid job to migrate to a different country and this is what I got from him. I believe he did this because I don’t have any job or anywhere to run to in this new place. We have had our shares of arguments but spitting on me I take it as last straw. I would have left house but no place to go. I went to help Centre they said I could get support if I press charges as spitting is also an offence where we are. But I don’t really want to go that route.
I have gotten a part time job which I will resume hopefully end of the month. I have been thinking on two options now. To cut the story short.

Option 1: continue living with him until I get enough money in the next three months, rent a new house and vamoose with my children.
Option 2: live together as housemates, don’t get into much discussion with him, no sleeping together(to me this option is just because of what people, my family will say and kids).

My heart is yearning for option one because he has an anger problem, he has hit me before about 8 years ago, I called police, since then he doesn’t hit me but still comes close to me during arguments by shrugging or just giving me a push. I feel him spitting on me was another way of running away from hitting me. I dread hitting me would have been his option if we were living in Nigeria. Our kids are growing and watching him screaming on top of his voice, this scares my daughter from getting married as she has mentioned he doesn’t want to be screaming with his husband that she will not get married. I also have ended up learning some of his silly behavior just to show him how it feels such as screaming back, cutting phones as he does this all the time if he feels you have a different view, keeping malice for days. Usually I am not that person but I have tried to get him stop doing that all to no avail. Am tired. When my mum came around to our place, on different occasions he made her stay terrible with bad behavior of picking quarrel with me and keeping malice including at my mum. He watches pornography and blames me I don’t give him intimacy. Although I had a talk severally about the impact of that as our kids use his phones and laptop and may be exposed as sometimes he leaves the page on and sleeps off. I told him I will try and give it to him anytime he comes, but few months ago, I noticed he still goes there.
Obviously, we are both not happy in the relationship. He doesn’t show remorse and for the fact that I will be walking on egg shell all the time scares me. I feel like separating for a while will do us good, also we could get counselling and his management on anger if we decide to come back together. He can keep malice forever, always blaming me for all his problems. Very emotional and sensitive human being. I am tired of his immaturity and it seems the older he gets worse it becomes, he will be 45 soon. Any advice on what step to take is highly appreciated.

why did you marry him. Next time don't rush foolishly. You better divorce him and collect half

Oyindidi:
That's men for you.

but you married them cos the nice guy didn't have swag so shut it

MIKOLOWISKA:
why did you marry him. Next time don't rush foolishly. You better divorce him and collect half

Hasty judgement

MIKOLOWISKA:
but you married them cos the nice guy didn't have swag so shut it

Look here scum! Don't tell me to shut it next time

BellaElla:
Unbelievable! In this 2018?

broken home is your portion with this mentality o
You better learn to be submissive
Or look for fvckboy to marry

Oyindidi:
Look here scum! Don't tell me to shut it next time

don't worry your own broken marriage is loadIng
Shebi you say you don't have home training

Oyindidi:
Hasty judgement

nope. When a man is showing himself and you also cannot control yourself it's time to go before it escalates. Also the divorce will get her sound of flesh