₦airaland Forum

Dearest OP,
Thank you for sharing. This topic really touched my heart. I would like to add my personal view on it too.

My husband and I are from two distinct socio-economic backgrounds with regards to culture (different countries), societal class, family economical power, and exposure (mind you, these are all factors that are man-made hence can be overcome and redefined). They can however pose a great challenge, but if approached well, also provide a learning platform for success.

I always find myself pondering on an unknown quote that says "We see the world as we are and not as it really is”. Could this really be true It seems that our different perspectives of life are shaped by our background, experiences, and innate belief systems. This has therefore made me come to appreciate the following:
-That there is never one universal ‘truth'; everybody’s ‘truth' is valid and has to be acknowledged.
-The same things that we may be willing to accept from our side of the family can get us so defensive when it is coming from our in-laws (this applies to both men and women).
-It is much easier to accept another’s actions when you come to know the reasons behind the action; it does not mean you agree to it, but at least you get to learn more about why your partner does what he/she does, why in-laws behave the way they do etc. and this helps in the way you react to things.
-Choosing to see things from positive perspectives until proven otherwise helps you to build stronger and wiser relationships with people.


WISDOM WISDOM WISDOM
This is key; knowledge without wisdom is fruitless.
Playing the angel’s advocate, let me use the example of your in-laws wanting to pay for your children's education.

In-laws point of view
They are coming from a place of love.
They want their children (including spouses) and grandchildren to have a better life than they did right from the get go; they would not want to watch them suffer (in their perspective).
They want to help reduce the burden on their children (including spouses) in whatever way they can with whatever means they have.
In their opinion, the best way they can provide support to reduce the burden of their daughter, her husband, and their entire household is to help out with the children’s school fees that way you and your wife can focus on other financial responsibilities (in their opinion, that might be better than the day to day responsibilities etc.).

NB: It could have been your parents doing same for your family.

Wife's point of view
She is coming from a place of love.
She wants the best for the kids.
She has been used to some level of comfort and window of opportunities that she wants her kids to enjoy; and even much more.
She trusts her parents, knowing that they are coming from a place of love, and embraces their support hence does not see the big deal in allowing them to help out.
She believes your children will have a better footage at a brighter future with the kind of education her parents can afford for them.
She believes that your desire to provide for your family should not stop close family from supporting whenever they can.

Your point of view
You are coming from a place of love
You want the best for the kids
The childrens education is something you would like to take care of solely without relying on your inlaws because it gives you a sense of fulfilment as regards being responsible to your family.
You have concerns about how subsequent fees will be paid if your in-laws pass away; also, how do you afford the other financial obligations associated with being in that school example school trips, buying props for school functions, needs of children based on what they see other kids having etc
Your in-laws paying for the childrens education may open up a window for them to make too many key decisions regarding your children’s future
You do not want to be in a position where your in-laws do not respect you as the head of your family.

In this case, you all have valid ‘truths’ (concerns), which are coming from a good place; the question is how to get this across to the other parties in love and understanding, whilst avoiding bruised egos, misunderstandings, unmet emotional needs etc. thus leading to unending conflict. This is where wisdom comes in.

ROLE OF WISDOM
[b]
In-laws[/b]
-They would have told their daughter how they want to support you both and asked her to discuss it with you for both of you to finally decide if it is a good idea or not; they could also have called you both to explain what they want to do and tell you guys to go and think about it and decide, emphasising that they would respect any decision you make (this is a way of teaching their daughter a key principle of marriage, which is that a man and wife should always come together to make decisions for the family; this also helps to build love and respect between you all and foster confidence in your ability to make sound decisions for your family)

Your wife
Your wife would then discuss what her parents suggested and ask you what you thought about it giving way for an open discourse where each person’s view is understood properly and a final decision taken. That way decisions are not made without your input and imposed on you (nobody likes that be it husband or wife).

You
You give your in-laws the benefit of the doubt, knowing that they are in a position to help hence want to do so in love in order to lessen the burden on you and your wife in providing for your family (they may or may not be looking down on you, but their approach may have been offensive); you therefore receive the suggestion with an open heart and gently have a discussion with your wife concerning it, laying out all your concerns and listening to hers as well; finally a compromise is made with a final decision.

The compromise could be:
1. Grandparents pay for the kids education with all parties agreeing on which school is best from the choices grandparents suggested.
2. Grandparents do not need to help out with financing the kids education; let them continue to go to a school you can afford; however it will be greatly appreciated if grandparents buy educational resources or finance extra-educational curricular activities for the kids example the summer school, educational trips, music classes, soccer camps etc
At the end it is a win win situation, and the kids ultimately benefit since everybody’s concern is their welfare.

This is just the way I have learned to do things in order to promote love, respect, trust, unity, and tolerance in my marriage. It might not work for all, of course, but I am sure there are a few things one can pick out, just as I have done from your write up and the numerous responses on the thread.

Wishing you and others the very best in marital and other relationships.

michael142:
Mist of these rich girls na them dey go toast celebrities

yeah

sexdoll:
Time you are wasting in searching for rich gals don't you think you can put it to good use by searching for money directly?

money still hard to find bro

DripDrop:
We know your type. A typical gold digger who will quickly sell his honour for a piece of cake.
Do u think if u utilise their connections u can ever shut them up? Utilizing ur wifes connections shows u married her cos of that and ure a gold digger. They made u and ure their boy. Guy what makes u a man is u hustling ur own way and making ur own connection in this life.
Their grand children are ur kids first before their grand children and as the parents u decide what ur children eat, wear and the school they attend. Or else na another man go raise ur own children for u? Can u call urself a man then? If u cannot pay for ur own children school fees without mummy and daddy's help, why did u born them?
How is ur brain working?

ok, keep hustling and don’t leverage on available support. Keep looking to make “your” own connection. So you afford a public university but your in laws are saying they can help with the fees of a private or better still a school abroad. Then you refuse because you can afford only a public university where the children will have to go through strikes and loads of shits and you call this wisdom. Hello, stop the arrogance and be humble enough to understand life.there is no right way. When you enter the circle of the rich, you will find out “posterity” is always a top concern. Have a paradigm shift and don’t let the level you are on cstop your brain from thinking big.

YACAA:
Dearest OP,
Thank you for sharing. This topic really touched my heart. I would like to add my personal view on it too.

My husband and I are from two distinct socio-economic backgrounds with regards to culture (different countries), societal class, family economical power, and exposure (mind you, these are all factors that are man-made hence can be overcome and redefined). They can however pose a great challenge, but if approached well, also provide a learning platform for success.

I always find myself pondering on an unknown quote that says "We see the world as we are and not as it really is”. Could this really be true It seems that our different perspectives of life are shaped by our background, experiences, and innate belief systems. This has therefore made me come to appreciate the following:
-That there is never one universal ‘truth'; everybody’s ‘truth' is valid and has to be acknowledged.
-The same things that we may be willing to accept from our side of the family can get us so defensive when it is coming from our in-laws (this applies to both men and women).
-It is much easier to accept another’s actions when you come to know the reasons behind the action; it does not mean you agree to it, but at least you get to learn more about why your partner does what he/she does, why in-laws behave the way they do etc. and this helps in the way you react to things.
-Choosing to see things from positive perspectives until proven otherwise helps you to build stronger and wiser relationships with people.


WISDOM WISDOM WISDOM
This is key; knowledge without wisdom is fruitless.
Playing the angel’s advocate, let me use the example of your in-laws wanting to pay for your children's education.

In-laws point of view
They are coming from a place of love.
They want their children (including spouses) and grandchildren to have a better life than they did right from the get go; they would not want to watch them suffer (in their perspective).
They want to help reduce the burden on their children (including spouses) in whatever way they can with whatever means they have.
In their opinion, the best way they can provide support to reduce the burden of their daughter, her husband, and their entire household is to help out with the children’s school fees that way you and your wife can focus on other financial responsibilities (in their opinion, that might be better than the day to day responsibilities etc.).

NB: It could have been your parents doing same for your family.

Wife's point of view
She is coming from a place of love.
She wants the best for the kids.
She has been used to some level of comfort and window of opportunities that she wants her kids to enjoy; and even much more.
She trusts her parents, knowing that they are coming from a place of love, and embraces their support hence does not see the big deal in allowing them to help out.
She believes your children will have a better footage at a brighter future with the kind of education her parents can afford for them.
She believes that your desire to provide for your family should not stop close family from supporting whenever they can.

Your point of view
You are coming from a place of love
You want the best for the kids
The childrens education is something you would like to take care of solely without relying on your inlaws because it gives you a sense of fulfilment as regards being responsible to your family.
You have concerns about how subsequent fees will be paid if your in-laws pass away; also, how do you afford the other financial obligations associated with being in that school example school trips, buying props for school functions, needs of children based on what they see other kids having etc
Your in-laws paying for the childrens education may open up a window for them to make too many key decisions regarding your children’s future
You do not want to be in a position where your in-laws do not respect you as the head of your family.

In this case, you all have valid ‘truths’ (concerns), which are coming from a good place; the question is how to get this across to the other parties in love and understanding, whilst avoiding bruised egos, misunderstandings, unmet emotional needs etc. thus leading to unending conflict. This is where wisdom comes in.

ROLE OF WISDOM
[b]
In-laws[/b]
-They would have told their daughter how they want to support you both and asked her to discuss it with you for both of you to finally decide if it is a good idea or not; they could also have called you both to explain what they want to do and tell you guys to go and think about it and decide, emphasising that they would respect any decision you make (this is a way of teaching their daughter a key principle of marriage, which is that a man and wife should always come together to make decisions for the family; this also helps to build love and respect between you all and foster confidence in your ability to make sound decisions for your family)

Your wife
Your wife would then discuss what her parents suggested and ask you what you thought about it giving way for an open discourse where each person’s view is understood properly and a final decision taken. That way decisions are not made without your input and imposed on you (nobody likes that be it husband or wife).

You
You give your in-laws the benefit of the doubt, knowing that they are in a position to help hence want to do so in love in order to lessen the burden on you and your wife in providing for your family (they may or may not be looking down on you, but their approach may have been offensive); you therefore receive the suggestion with an open heart and gently have a discussion with your wife concerning it, laying out all your concerns and listening to hers as well; finally a compromise is made with a final decision.

The compromise could be:
1. Grandparents pay for the kids education with all parties agreeing on which school is best from the choices grandparents suggested.
2. Grandparents do not need to help out with financing the kids education; let them continue to go to a school you can afford; however it will be greatly appreciated if grandparents buy educational resources or finance extra-educational curricular activities for the kids example the summer school, educational trips, music classes, soccer camps etc
At the end it is a win win situation, and the kids ultimately benefit since everybody’s concern is their welfare.

This is just the way I have learned to do things in order to promote love, respect, trust, unity, and tolerance in my marriage. It might not work for all, of course, but I am sure there are a few things one can pick out, just as I have done from your write up and the numerous responses on the thread.

Wishing you and others the very best in marital and other relationships.

Thank you. All I see is a man who has this I am a man mentality. I am a man is not by refusing other people’s interest. If there is anything the rich care about, it’s posterity and they will do anything to see that it works according to plan. The op only needs to have meritocracy in his thoughts and have a shift

God bless this op tremendously

mylifeisagift:
I laugh at U in swahili..If You think you need money to garner wifeys respect then you are on a long thing.. U are obviously misinformed,based your preposition on an entirely wrong premise hence your view point..
A little more bits of relationship here and there before marriage could have provided more insights...When a woman truly loves hubby money is so so inconsequential..You don marry you don marry but train your son to understand the dynamics of marriage..It is essential for the man( in African context) to be the provider for family, but a temporary lack shouldn't undermine wifeys respect..Like a commenter said Yours is a marriage of convenience..FULL STOP

Nigga, calm down.

nairalanduseles:
funny how Nigerians like to use useless grammar.......i swear come uk they will be like what are u on about mate......yeye grammar for shithole ppl

Walahi

Troublemaker007:
Bro, your case is even good. Mine, I am not just the bread winner in my family but the bakery to my wife’s family, my only sister, her husband (jobless) and daughter plus anothe baby on the way, my aunt who single handily sponsored me to school and her family (3 kids and a jobless husband who got fired last two years from his lecturing job). Sometimes I feel like running away with my wife.

.

God bless Nigerians for so much sense. I'm just here to learn. But with this write-up, marriage becomes terrifying for the unmarried. Truth is, find you a lady who truly loves you for who/what you are. Find you a strong-willed lady that doesn't divulge everything that happens in her own matrimonial home to friends or family. I'm not saying there are issues she can't speak about. Find you a praying lady, a lady with a regenerated soul.

Note: a lady that genuinely prays for you would respect you.

This thread reinforces my stance.

Let water seek their own level.

And ladies from wealthy homes marry their kind so they don't work on egg shells all their lives.

Interestingly, fellow rich families really do not have these hangups.

This thread is also very funny...

In a traditional marriage, everyone has their duties. If your family will deride subtly or openly a wife who can't cook, keep house or have kids, why do you expectany less from her family when you can't provide?

Y'all want to eat your cake and have it.

Learn from the whites..... the ones interested in traditional marriages already understand that they must provide well for their families and don't sit down debating the importance of money.

Even ask yourself.... 'apart from the money, what other value am I bringing to the table'?

Another irony of this thread is that the peeps saying 'don't marry a woman from a wealthy home' are hustling to be rich and pray to have daughters.

The average Nigerian Man is an enigma.

YACAA:
Dearest OP,
Thank you for sharing. This topic really touched my heart. I would like to add my personal view on it too.

My husband and I are from two distinct socio-economic backgrounds with regards to culture (different countries), societal class, family economical power, and exposure (mind you, these are all factors that are man-made hence can be overcome and redefined). They can however pose a great challenge, but if approached well, also provide a learning platform for success.

I always find myself pondering on an unknown quote that says "We see the world as we are and not as it really is”. Could this really be true It seems that our different perspectives of life are shaped by our background, experiences, and innate belief systems. This has therefore made me come to appreciate the following:
-That there is never one universal ‘truth'; everybody’s ‘truth' is valid and has to be acknowledged.
-The same things that we may be willing to accept from our side of the family can get us so defensive when it is coming from our in-laws (this applies to both men and women).
-It is much easier to accept another’s actions when you come to know the reasons behind the action; it does not mean you agree to it, but at least you get to learn more about why your partner does what he/she does, why in-laws behave the way they do etc. and this helps in the way you react to things.
-Choosing to see things from positive perspectives until proven otherwise helps you to build stronger and wiser relationships with people.


WISDOM WISDOM WISDOM
This is key; knowledge without wisdom is fruitless.
Playing the angel’s advocate, let me use the example of your in-laws wanting to pay for your children's education.

In-laws point of view
They are coming from a place of love.
They want their children (including spouses) and grandchildren to have a better life than they did right from the get go; they would not want to watch them suffer (in their perspective).
They want to help reduce the burden on their children (including spouses) in whatever way they can with whatever means they have.
In their opinion, the best way they can provide support to reduce the burden of their daughter, her husband, and their entire household is to help out with the children’s school fees that way you and your wife can focus on other financial responsibilities (in their opinion, that might be better than the day to day responsibilities etc.).

NB: It could have been your parents doing same for your family.

Wife's point of view
She is coming from a place of love.
She wants the best for the kids.
She has been used to some level of comfort and window of opportunities that she wants her kids to enjoy; and even much more.
She trusts her parents, knowing that they are coming from a place of love, and embraces their support hence does not see the big deal in allowing them to help out.
She believes your children will have a better footage at a brighter future with the kind of education her parents can afford for them.
She believes that your desire to provide for your family should not stop close family from supporting whenever they can.

Your point of view
You are coming from a place of love
You want the best for the kids
The childrens education is something you would like to take care of solely without relying on your inlaws because it gives you a sense of fulfilment as regards being responsible to your family.
You have concerns about how subsequent fees will be paid if your in-laws pass away; also, how do you afford the other financial obligations associated with being in that school example school trips, buying props for school functions, needs of children based on what they see other kids having etc
Your in-laws paying for the childrens education may open up a window for them to make too many key decisions regarding your children’s future
You do not want to be in a position where your in-laws do not respect you as the head of your family.

In this case, you all have valid ‘truths’ (concerns), which are coming from a good place; the question is how to get this across to the other parties in love and understanding, whilst avoiding bruised egos, misunderstandings, unmet emotional needs etc. thus leading to unending conflict. This is where wisdom comes in.

ROLE OF WISDOM
[b]
In-laws[/b]
-They would have told their daughter how they want to support you both and asked her to discuss it with you for both of you to finally decide if it is a good idea or not; they could also have called you both to explain what they want to do and tell you guys to go and think about it and decide, emphasising that they would respect any decision you make (this is a way of teaching their daughter a key principle of marriage, which is that a man and wife should always come together to make decisions for the family; this also helps to build love and respect between you all and foster confidence in your ability to make sound decisions for your family)

Your wife
Your wife would then discuss what her parents suggested and ask you what you thought about it giving way for an open discourse where each person’s view is understood properly and a final decision taken. That way decisions are not made without your input and imposed on you (nobody likes that be it husband or wife).

You
You give your in-laws the benefit of the doubt, knowing that they are in a position to help hence want to do so in love in order to lessen the burden on you and your wife in providing for your family (they may or may not be looking down on you, but their approach may have been offensive); you therefore receive the suggestion with an open heart and gently have a discussion with your wife concerning it, laying out all your concerns and listening to hers as well; finally a compromise is made with a final decision.

The compromise could be:
1. Grandparents pay for the kids education with all parties agreeing on which school is best from the choices grandparents suggested.
2. Grandparents do not need to help out with financing the kids education; let them continue to go to a school you can afford; however it will be greatly appreciated if grandparents buy educational resources or finance extra-educational curricular activities for the kids example the summer school, educational trips, music classes, soccer camps etc
At the end it is a win win situation, and the kids ultimately benefit since everybody’s concern is their welfare.

This is just the way I have learned to do things in order to promote love, respect, trust, unity, and tolerance in my marriage. It might not work for all, of course, but I am sure there are a few things one can pick out, just as I have done from your write up and the numerous responses on the thread.

Wishing you and others the very best in marital and other relationships.

You are wise my sister.

bukatyne:
You are wise my sister.

Easier said than done. Would you want your parent to meddle in your family affairs? (i'm not sayin your parent can't settle some issues for you, as y'all are still learning) You sound like you would delibrately make your husband look weak. Oh! I guess you didn't read the part where you don't know who the head of your home is, maybe its your husand or your parent (lowkey)

Moinoni123:
Easier said than done. Would you want your parent to meddle in your family affairs? (i'm not sayin your parent can't settle some issues for you, as y'all are still learning) You sound like you would delibrately make your husband look weak. Oh! I guess you didn't read the part where you don't know who the head of your home is, maybe its your husand or your parent (lowkey)

what is this one saying?

Humanistme:
what is this one saying?

re-read if you don't understand. Bye

bukatyne:
This thread reinforces my stance.

Let water seek their own level.

And ladies from wealthy homes marry their kind so they don't work on egg shells all their lives.

Interestingly, fellow rich families really do not have these hangups.

This thread is also very funny...

In a traditional marriage, everyone has their duties. If your family will deride subtly or openly a wife who can't cook, keep house or have kids, why do you expectany less from her family when you can't provide?

Y'all want to eat your cake and have it.

Learn from the whites..... the ones interested in traditional marriages already understand that they must provide well for their families and don't sit down debating the importance of money.

Even ask yourself.... 'apart from the money, what other value am I bringing to the table'?

Another irony of this thread is that the peeps saying 'don't marry a woman from a wealthy home' are hustling to be rich and pray to have daughters.

The average Nigerian Man is an enigma.

N the average Nigerian woman is a fvvking Gordian KNOT!!!
Seek ya own level feminist!!!
Otuoshi!
Bukatyne ko....Bukatone ni!

Belafonte:
One more thing. Registry is for the woman's protection, thing is it leaves you unprotected. Refuse to compromise your protection for hers. She may try to blackmail you emotionally saying you'll do it if you love her, let her know she'll do what you want if she loves you.

Happy weekend to you too.

thank so much. I really appreciate this

MARKETfund:
Bros do not swallow every advice and suggestions you see hear hook, line and sinker. Otherwise you'll regret ever coming to know an unanimous forum such as this.

The guy advising you appears selfish and self-centered from his write up.
You, your spouse and your unborn children has a lot to gain by registering your marriage with the government.

1)Have thought of some applications possibly foreign related you may need to fill in the future that requires evidence of marriage between you and your spouse?
2) Have you thought of same for your spouse if she's the one applying for Such too for the benefit of the family?
3)how about your children, assuming such is required from them at any stage of their life.
4)in the event of death how can you be sure your family is safe if one relative as a result of the lacuna claims that your wife bewitched you (their brother) and took you away all these years without them knowing your whereabout.
5) if the Union is not consummated traditionally either the product of such union is viewed as bastards (would you love your children to carry such stigma?)

in conclusion, legal marriage is vital to family happiness because it provides a secure environment in which to raise children.

What that guy is talking about is obtainable in developed countries. Where a woman is awarded a certain share out of her husband's wealth in the event of divorce, whether they had kids or not. It's not applicable here. DON'T be deceived!

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
This is another angle entirely.

I will learn more about this registry thing and find the best possible decision to take.

Thank u sir.

crismark:
i don find rich gals taya i no see...sometimes sef i go jst baff enter lekki still yet i no go see rich gals. na only dose ones weh dey squat 4 one room i dey see... and d issue na say me nd dem find d same tin come dat place.. dem dey find rich boys, me i dey find rich gals..

Permit me to say, you are VERY funny. I laughed my heart out infact, I was looked at by pple around like sure say all is well.

crismark:
i don find rich gals taya i no see...sometimes sef i go jst baff enter lekki still yet i no go see rich gals. na only dose ones weh dey squat 4 one room i dey see... and d issue na say me nd dem find d same tin come dat place.. dem dey find rich boys, me i dey find rich gals..

Permit me to say, you are VERY funny. I laughed my heart out infact, I was looked at by pple around like sure say all is well.

crismark:
i don find rich gals taya i no see...sometimes sef i go jst baff enter lekki still yet i no go see rich gals. na only dose ones weh dey squat 4 one room i dey see... and d issue na say me nd dem find d same tin come dat place.. dem dey find rich boys, me i dey find rich gals..

Permit me to say, you are VERY funny. I laughed my heart out infact, I was looked at by pple around like sure say all is well.

kunletexs:
Permit me to say, you are VERY funny. I laughed my heart out infact, I was looked at by pple around like sure say all is well.


Permit me to say, you are VERY funny. I laughed my heart out infact, I was looked at by pple around like sure say all is well.

but am saying d truth na

Moinoni123:
re-read if you don't understand. Bye

I just did and it still doesn't make sense. it has nothing to do with her comment.

Psoul:
"I have discovered that love doesn't guarantee the success of a relationship. Love cannot help you stick to one person all year round, and on the other hand, cheating isn't always a product of not loving your partner.

In fact, loving someone doesn't guarantee not falling in love with someone else. Relationships work out mostly because of our heads not our hearts.

It works out because of our emotional maturity, empathetic intelligence and self discipline; because, time will come when you'll see more beautiful, handsome, romantic, intelligent, sexy, rich, curvy and God fearing people than the one you're in a relationship with.

In those times, love will not help you. Self control will help you. Emotional intelligence will come to your rescue and commitment will keep you going.

With those characteristics, no matter how you feel for someone else, the person you're committed to will rank first in your life.

You think happily married people don't see better people than the ones they married to? You think they don't feel funny sometimes? You think they don't catch feelings? They do!

But understanding that commitment is greater than feelings and it is the great arsenal that destroys those unhelpful impulses.

You can fall in love with anyone, but building a relationship takes absolutely more than what attracted you to them and takes more than love.

We are too fond of loving when it's convenient and sweet. We are too fond of loving when love is there; but that can only last for just the first 3 - 6 months of the relationship in many cases.

After then, you'll realise that the feelings have dropped and it's now your responsibility to make the relationship work, not love's responsibility.

Relationships cannot be readymade. You have to build it and it's never always about love, it requires commitment and intelligence.

On the long run in marriages, it's not just love that keeps them together forever, it's determination and commitment.

Everyone falls in love; it takes little or no effort to do that. But staying in love? Building a relationship? Only the strong and committed ones do that.

That's why we must find that one person and commit to that one, discipline yourself and bridle your emotions.

Building a relationship is hard work, it's like building a career, It's like pursuing a dream.

It's always tough. At some point it will be so bitter but you can make it work by putting your heads together. You can scale through the trying times by staying focused and committed.

The kind of love that attracts two people together is not the kind of love that will keep them together. Be emotionally strong, be self disciplined and above all, have the God factor that will give you the grace needed to reign you in.

God Bless.

Wise words, thank you papa.

norris123:
How will they say that? Am living comfortable here it's just I don't have time for women accept the ones that are close, I have dated a formal Governor's daughter and also a minister now but the girl died last year. I can't count how many rich girls I have dated before but since I came back to Abj fully it has been very hard to get a woman from well to do family mind you am not dating for their money and I have never asked for money rather I love trying to impress them on my own. What I actually want is a woman that's independent, don't want a burden right now the girl i met when i traveled wants me to pay for her house rent and school fees, which kind country be this? Am just tired maybe I should wait until I become a multimillionaire lol...

I once paid the house rent for the parents of my ex. Dumbest thing I ever did.

spartanian:
Wise words, thank you papa.

Thanks bro. May ur wisdom never go down.

Lol, even the broke ass men are forming "deep resonance" with this post
Same men that will tag a woman and her family gold diggers if they happen to ask him for a pin
My sisters money is Gooood
if you are from a rich home, your husband cant try nonsense
See how the poster quickly respected himself because if he makes "pim" he wont see his kids again
he cant even beat his wife in peace cos he knows he will end up in kirikiri maximum
Chai, my daughters must enjoy this kind of prestige in their husbands home abeg
If you do anyhow, you see anyhow
I am sure the poster knows his inlaws didnt even need his bags of rice and oil, so what face exactly is he redeeming here?
Instead of the men to think of how to be better husbands in poverty and riches, knowing that anyone's economy can take a downturn anyday
No! They will rather gather under atree and keep chanting "we go marry poor woman oooo, if we wan kill am, nothing go happen"
This is why I advocate that parents shouldn't sell off their kids in the name of bride price
Shebi if thenman was the only one doling out money to his inlaws, he will beat and her and chase her out of the house, and the inlaws wont even make pim, they will will still come back cap in hand and beg for food.
This thread is lesson to all those that give birth to more kids than they can take care of
Give your daughters a good life so that no man will think he is doing you a favour by marring, feeding and housing your daughter
So naija man fit humble like this
No wonder una do dey do pim for obodo oyibo
Poster thank God you are back on your feet now, its obvious that you are only equipped to make decisions when your wallet is breathing

Trivia:
They say events come at you either as blessings or lessons. My marriage has been half of both. I married from a relatively richer family, and I must add that the fact that my wife came from a wealthy family, had absolutely no influence on my choice. I met her when her parents were not as wealthy as they would later become, and we were in love. At that time, my parents gave me a ‘mid-budget vehicle’ shortly after my graduation from a state University in Nigeria. And so, even though my father was not Dangote, he could afford quality life and education for his children. My wife’s parents over the years ascended in wealth and riches, and our wedding was relatively big. Dowry from her side of Nigeria was expectantly high, and I paid it with relative ease.

Fast forward to seven years afterwards, when as a man your financial apron-strings to your parents has had to be cut even before leaving your parents’ house, as you make your way for yourself. I have come to learn that these apron-strings are easier to cut for a man than they are for women, especially women from comparatively well to do backgrounds, and hence the troubles for the unwise woman in this situation.
Leaving the comfort of my father’s house in Ibadan, I could afford a mid-income apartment in a sub-urban part of Lagos, with few house gadgets and facilities. My business was doing great, and even though not luxury, our living was comfortable. But then, comfort is subjective, for no matter how much sacrifices I put into stocking my abode with items to ensure comfort for my wife, she and her parents always believed I could do better. They rarely visited, and when they did, would sit in a corner with their noses in the air, and as they leave shortly I would swear they will take a long bath in hand-sanitizers when they got home. Nonetheless, I did do better, and over the years things went on fine at the expense of my personal self-care.

And then came that family-finance stifling recession. You assure yourself that things would be fine, and all you needed to do was double your hustle. Hustle doubled, and results reduced. Bills increased, and nagging followed suit. I have found out that a woman’s nagging on her husband could either be overt or covert. I’d take the overt nagging any day, over the quiet and obvious discontent. At least with the expressed discontent, you can target your financial attention. No matter how much you try, her communication reduces and you know why. She starts visiting her parents more often, and discussing financial choices with them. They start dropping hints into her bank account. She starts paying some bills and buying ‘luxury food-items’, but you cannot complain, even though you know where the money came from. Yet you double, nay, triple your hustle and hope for better days.

And that’s when the problems started- A classic case of he who pays the piper. Her parents start giving instructions without consulting you. It starts with suggestions, and then downright directives on how your home should be run. But you are the man of the house and you direct otherwise. Short of them laughing at your effrontery, they are infuriated that you dare overrule their wishes. Who are you? You observe the gradual disappearance of your wife’s respect for you, while you notice that her parents don’t even factor your presence in any equation. You are vilified, and your wife is torn between obeying her parents’ wishes and abiding by your directives.

I give you an example. This here school is where my children will go, because that’s what I can afford and they are happy in this school, you say. And the response through her, of course because they don’t call you directly but speak to your wife. They say, ‘what? That school? Okay, find a better school in your neighbourhood and let us know how much it costs.’ You get to know about this when your wife starts hunting for a new (expensive) school. I can’t afford that for the two of them, you say. ‘Don’t worry,’ she responds. ‘Mummy said she will pay for it.’ Now, domestic violence is a big matter to the state government and the news is rife with men sent to jail for wife battery. Otherwise, you would have sent those series of slaps in quick succession, enough to wipe her make-up clean off and change her phone network. Besides, if you had done that, her parents would be glad to take her back in their huge mansion, while you battle for your children’s custody or even access to them. Since you can’t react, you swallow your anger and put your foot down, albeit tenderly.

But things did change for the better part of 2017, far better than before, and during the festive season you conveniently sent bags of rice and vegetable oil to them. Occasionally, you send recharge cards and cash, no matter how small to them, while maintaining your physical absence. You can now restrict your wife’s visit to them. I must add, that the respect has grown tremendously, and hilariously too. Now they call for permission before they send her on errands. Now their calls always go unanswered because I am busy, and they graciously understand, and just wanted to check up on you.

Lessons: In family relationships, money is important. Your love is noticed when supported with money. Maintain your respect with strategic absence. Money used strategically buys your wife's (and in-laws) respect. Teach your wife to always reveal lesser information than necessary; the less you reveal to people (in-laws) about what goes on internally, the better, and more respect both of you get. There can only be one captain in a ship, and as a husband you need to put your foot down, sometimes diplomatically. Your ships must sail in one direction, and orders are from only one captain. As much as possible, reduce or eliminate holes in your matrimonial walls, to prevent matrimonial lizards from creeping in. No matter what you are going through, you will go through it. I knew that that phase would pass, and I pray I live to tell this tale to my kids when they are about to get married. Importantly, I have learnt that my boys should pick from a home and not a house with arrogant in-laws with the feeling of entitlement. And if you can avoid it, try not to marry a woman from a wealthy background, unless you can assure yourself of her humility.

LADIES/WOMEN....this is a lesson for you....It is not every woman a man can touch talkless of BEAT. Water will always find its level....Raise your standards!!!!

Trivia:
They say events come at you either as blessings or lessons. My marriage has been half of both. I married from a relatively richer family, and I must add that the fact that my wife came from a wealthy family, had absolutely no influence on my choice. I met her when her parents were not as wealthy as they would later become, and we were in love. At that time, my parents gave me a ‘mid-budget vehicle’ shortly after my graduation from a state University in Nigeria. And so, even though my father was not Dangote, he could afford quality life and education for his children. My wife’s parents over the years ascended in wealth and riches, and our wedding was relatively big. Dowry from her side of Nigeria was expectantly high, and I paid it with relative ease.

Fast forward to seven years afterwards, when as a man your financial apron-strings to your parents has had to be cut even before leaving your parents’ house, as you make your way for yourself. I have come to learn that these apron-strings are easier to cut for a man than they are for women, especially women from comparatively well to do backgrounds, and hence the troubles for the unwise woman in this situation.
Leaving the comfort of my father’s house in Ibadan, I could afford a mid-income apartment in a sub-urban part of Lagos, with few house gadgets and facilities. My business was doing great, and even though not luxury, our living was comfortable. But then, comfort is subjective, for no matter how much sacrifices I put into stocking my abode with items to ensure comfort for my wife, she and her parents always believed I could do better. They rarely visited, and when they did, would sit in a corner with their noses in the air, and as they leave shortly I would swear they will take a long bath in hand-sanitizers when they got home. Nonetheless, I did do better, and over the years things went on fine at the expense of my personal self-care.

And then came that family-finance stifling recession. You assure yourself that things would be fine, and all you needed to do was double your hustle. Hustle doubled, and results reduced. Bills increased, and nagging followed suit. I have found out that a woman’s nagging on her husband could either be overt or covert. I’d take the overt nagging any day, over the quiet and obvious discontent. At least with the expressed discontent, you can target your financial attention. No matter how much you try, her communication reduces and you know why. She starts visiting her parents more often, and discussing financial choices with them. They start dropping hints into her bank account. She starts paying some bills and buying ‘luxury food-items’, but you cannot complain, even though you know where the money came from. Yet you double, nay, triple your hustle and hope for better days.

And that’s when the problems started- A classic case of he who pays the piper. Her parents start giving instructions without consulting you. It starts with suggestions, and then downright directives on how your home should be run. But you are the man of the house and you direct otherwise. Short of them laughing at your effrontery, they are infuriated that you dare overrule their wishes. Who are you? You observe the gradual disappearance of your wife’s respect for you, while you notice that her parents don’t even factor your presence in any equation. You are vilified, and your wife is torn between obeying her parents’ wishes and abiding by your directives.

I give you an example. This here school is where my children will go, because that’s what I can afford and they are happy in this school, you say. And the response through her, of course because they don’t call you directly but speak to your wife. They say, ‘what? That school? Okay, find a better school in your neighbourhood and let us know how much it costs.’ You get to know about this when your wife starts hunting for a new (expensive) school. I can’t afford that for the two of them, you say. ‘Don’t worry,’ she responds. ‘Mummy said she will pay for it.’ Now, domestic violence is a big matter to the state government and the news is rife with men sent to jail for wife battery. Otherwise, you would have sent those series of slaps in quick succession, enough to wipe her make-up clean off and change her phone network. Besides, if you had done that, her parents would be glad to take her back in their huge mansion, while you battle for your children’s custody or even access to them. Since you can’t react, you swallow your anger and put your foot down, albeit tenderly.

But things did change for the better part of 2017, far better than before, and during the festive season you conveniently sent bags of rice and vegetable oil to them. Occasionally, you send recharge cards and cash, no matter how small to them, while maintaining your physical absence. You can now restrict your wife’s visit to them. I must add, that the respect has grown tremendously, and hilariously too. Now they call for permission before they send her on errands. Now their calls always go unanswered because I am busy, and they graciously understand, and just wanted to check up on you.

Lessons: In family relationships, money is important. Your love is noticed when supported with money. Maintain your respect with strategic absence. Money used strategically buys your wife's (and in-laws) respect. Teach your wife to always reveal lesser information than necessary; the less you reveal to people (in-laws) about what goes on internally, the better, and more respect both of you get. There can only be one captain in a ship, and as a husband you need to put your foot down, sometimes diplomatically. Your ships must sail in one direction, and orders are from only one captain. As much as possible, reduce or eliminate holes in your matrimonial walls, to prevent matrimonial lizards from creeping in. No matter what you are going through, you will go through it. I knew that that phase would pass, and I pray I live to tell this tale to my kids when they are about to get married. Importantly, I have learnt that my boys should pick from a home and not a house with arrogant in-laws with the feeling of entitlement. And if you can avoid it, try not to marry a woman from a wealthy background, unless you can assure yourself of her humility.

You are bless for sharing this great life experience
Thanks a million

Trivia:
They say events come at you either as blessings or lessons. My marriage has been half of both. I married from a relatively richer family, and I must add that the fact that my wife came from a wealthy family, had absolutely no influence on my choice. I met her when her parents were not as wealthy as they would later become, and we were in love. At that time, my parents gave me a ‘mid-budget vehicle’ shortly after my graduation from a state University in Nigeria. And so, even though my father was not Dangote, he could afford quality life and education for his children. My wife’s parents over the years ascended in wealth and riches, and our wedding was relatively big. Dowry from her side of Nigeria was expectantly high, and I paid it with relative ease.

Fast forward to seven years afterwards, when as a man your financial apron-strings to your parents has had to be cut even before leaving your parents’ house, as you make your way for yourself. I have come to learn that these apron-strings are easier to cut for a man than they are for women, especially women from comparatively well to do backgrounds, and hence the troubles for the unwise woman in this situation.
Leaving the comfort of my father’s house in Ibadan, I could afford a mid-income apartment in a sub-urban part of Lagos, with few house gadgets and facilities. My business was doing great, and even though not luxury, our living was comfortable. But then, comfort is subjective, for no matter how much sacrifices I put into stocking my abode with items to ensure comfort for my wife, she and her parents always believed I could do better. They rarely visited, and when they did, would sit in a corner with their noses in the air, and as they leave shortly I would swear they will take a long bath in hand-sanitizers when they got home. Nonetheless, I did do better, and over the years things went on fine at the expense of my personal self-care.

And then came that family-finance stifling recession. You assure yourself that things would be fine, and all you needed to do was double your hustle. Hustle doubled, and results reduced. Bills increased, and nagging followed suit. I have found out that a woman’s nagging on her husband could either be overt or covert. I’d take the overt nagging any day, over the quiet and obvious discontent. At least with the expressed discontent, you can target your financial attention. No matter how much you try, her communication reduces and you know why. She starts visiting her parents more often, and discussing financial choices with them. They start dropping hints into her bank account. She starts paying some bills and buying ‘luxury food-items’, but you cannot complain, even though you know where the money came from. Yet you double, nay, triple your hustle and hope for better days.

And that’s when the problems started- A classic case of he who pays the piper. Her parents start giving instructions without consulting you. It starts with suggestions, and then downright directives on how your home should be run. But you are the man of the house and you direct otherwise. Short of them laughing at your effrontery, they are infuriated that you dare overrule their wishes. Who are you? You observe the gradual disappearance of your wife’s respect for you, while you notice that her parents don’t even factor your presence in any equation. You are vilified, and your wife is torn between obeying her parents’ wishes and abiding by your directives.

I give you an example. This here school is where my children will go, because that’s what I can afford and they are happy in this school, you say. And the response through her, of course because they don’t call you directly but speak to your wife. They say, ‘what? That school? Okay, find a better school in your neighbourhood and let us know how much it costs.’ You get to know about this when your wife starts hunting for a new (expensive) school. I can’t afford that for the two of them, you say. ‘Don’t worry,’ she responds. ‘Mummy said she will pay for it.’ Now, domestic violence is a big matter to the state government and the news is rife with men sent to jail for wife battery. Otherwise, you would have sent those series of slaps in quick succession, enough to wipe her make-up clean off and change her phone network. Besides, if you had done that, her parents would be glad to take her back in their huge mansion, while you battle for your children’s custody or even access to them. Since you can’t react, you swallow your anger and put your foot down, albeit tenderly.

But things did change for the better part of 2017, far better than before, and during the festive season you conveniently sent bags of rice and vegetable oil to them. Occasionally, you send recharge cards and cash, no matter how small to them, while maintaining your physical absence. You can now restrict your wife’s visit to them. I must add, that the respect has grown tremendously, and hilariously too. Now they call for permission before they send her on errands. Now their calls always go unanswered because I am busy, and they graciously understand, and just wanted to check up on you.

Lessons: In family relationships, money is important. Your love is noticed when supported with money. Maintain your respect with strategic absence. Money used strategically buys your wife's (and in-laws) respect. Teach your wife to always reveal lesser information than necessary; the less you reveal to people (in-laws) about what goes on internally, the better, and more respect both of you get. There can only be one captain in a ship, and as a husband you need to put your foot down, sometimes diplomatically. Your ships must sail in one direction, and orders are from only one captain. As much as possible, reduce or eliminate holes in your matrimonial walls, to prevent matrimonial lizards from creeping in. No matter what you are going through, you will go through it. I knew that that phase would pass, and I pray I live to tell this tale to my kids when they are about to get married. Importantly, I have learnt that my boys should pick from a home and not a house with arrogant in-laws with the feeling of entitlement. And if you can avoid it, try not to marry a woman from a wealthy background, unless you can assure yourself of her humility.

is there a way I can give you two likes?

top notch writeup

lessons learnt.

BabbanBura:
Well said bro. The true character of love shows up better in the dark than in the light - The woman has demonstrated a bad character, albeit innocently or her true values, by exposing you to the redicule, disrespect and dictatorship of her parents instead of covering your unclothedness and working behind the scene to get you to your feet without anyone getting to know and disregarding you.
I had a girl that went to her mother to collect money for me disguise as money to take care of meeting her needs. I judiciously used that money and in return i trained all the younger ones in school and inproved the biz of the mum but no one, till today which is some 5 years after, knew that it was for me she collected that money, and no one knew that it was that money that propelled me to become who i am today.
Ladies, stand and hustle with your man, if you must go out to raise help, do not expose him or present him as incapable, let not the help u try to offer rob him of his respect as a man

Tell me more!

ibkkk:
Tell me more!

You gals should learn to stick with ya men and support them during trying times and not align with ya relations to humiliate the hubbies

What to know more?

Wait woo, this babe wetin u wan wey u dey follow me up n down like fully charged di.ck

So the lady's family feels and knows there daughter deserves to live by a certain standard but didnt see the need to empower( not just schooling but getting a job or starting a biz) for their daughter prior marriage to ensure she will be able to afford their desired lifestyle and also provide adequate support to her eqyally hardworking husband to ensure this lifestyle is secured even after marriage. Because i do not believe husband and wife went broke at the same time, the likely scenario is that this same wife has not been doing anything meaningful to afford this so called lifrstyle hence the need to run to her parents when hubby is down rather than shock it in for him till he gets back. The girls parent know what they are doing, it is about control and not support. If it is for support then empower your own daughter too so two good heads can really become one and not expect eldorado from one head and make him look weak when he crumbles under the weight.

tunjilana:
So the lady's family feels and knows there daughter deserves to live by a certain standard but didnt see the need to empower( not just schooling but getting a job or starting a biz) for their daughter prior marriage to ensure she will be able to afford their desired lifestyle and also provide adequate support to her eqyally hardworking husband to ensure this lifestyle is secured even after marriage. Because i do not believe husband and wife went broke at the same time, the likely scenario is that this same wife has not been doing anything meaningful to afford this so called lifrstyle hence the need to run to her parents when hubby is down rather than shock it in for him till he gets back. The girls parent know what they are doing, it is about control and not support. If it is for support then empower your own daughter too so two good heads can really become one and not expect eldorado from one head and make him look weak when he crumbles under the weight.

Bro u get sense. Bro pls can i have your number. So we chat. Going thru sometin similar