UjuJoan2:
I don't understand, there's a difference between an under furnished home and a dirty home? Are they cleaning themselves up after visiting your home because your sofa is not imported, or because it is dirty. I imagine that the responsibility of keeping your home neat lies with your wife and maybe her parents should be ashamed for not training her well.

Also, I've noticed that the snobbish rich are those who are not even that rich. The rich don't have the time to snob. If it we're me I'll start treating them in like manners.

Ah where did you brought this from? Is it the same write up? Haba

This

HenryCavill:
Interesting post although it reeks of pride.
1. Your in-laws rarely visited you and you found a problem with it.
2. When things took a downward turn they became more involved you had a problem with it
3. I find it shocking that what stopped you from "slapping your wife to remove her make-up" was the fear of the state govt interfering.

Having put your business out there, I'm sure you don't mind if I make it my business also and contribute my 2 cents.

Had your relatively well to do in-laws not meddled when things took a downward turn with you I'm pretty sure someone would have called them wicked for not bothering.
Your story about them being relatively wealthier I believe was told from a place of spite and jealousy.

You didn't come from a broke background too, I mean how many people can afford to buy themselves a car talk more of give their child one after graduation.

I don't think you like your in-laws very much and frankly you don't love your wife either. You're bent on becoming more successful than them not solely for your own good but to rub it in their nose.

I don't know the relationship you have with them but I can bet it's a toxic one. Who gets angry at a father sending his daughter money married or not. This silly African mentality of men owning their wives is what's driving this narrative. What do you even mean by "luxury food item"

You cannot bar your wife from having a relationship with her family before you they were there and the day you will slap her (which I believe is not very far) they'll be there to take her away from you.

I sincerely hope you find the courage to tell yourself the truth, see beyond your pride and understand the kind of relationship you want to have with your in-laws.

khome:
May God help you Trivia, I learnt smtn today. Thanks for sharing

are you from a rich family?

ashewoboy:


are you from a rich family?

No, why the question?

khome:
No, why the question?

i want to marry you.

I read your write up, coments and replies all through today because it is profond and a sound advice for alot of us. God bless you op. I've learn alot already.

ashewoboy:



i want to marry you.

Lol

I am deeply surprised that this topic did not make front page. Please can someone enlighten me on nairaland front page policy.

MahatmaGhandi:
I am deeply surprised that this topic did not make front page. Please can someone enlighten me on nairaland front page policy.

Wrong, it was on front page first thing this morning, as newer topics makes front page,older ones are pushed down

With all your wife connection, you never blow to the level where you can comfy shut them up.i think you are the one that is arrogant here.why would your children go to a school you can afford when they can go to school you can both afford with her parents support. Oga they are only passing a message, their grand children are princes and princesses.Be humble enough to leverage on their support. There is no right or wrong way as long as humans are involved.if dem no get money, e go be another problem.

majekdom2:
With all your wife connection, you never blow to the level where you can comfy shut them up.i think you are the one that is arrogant here.why would your children go to a school you can afford when they can go to school you can both afford with her parents support. Oga they are only passing a message, their grand children are princes and princesses.Be humble enough to leverage on their support. There is no right or wrong way as long as humans are involved.if dem no get money, e go be another problem.

We know your type. A typical gold digger who will quickly sell his honour for a piece of cake.
Do u think if u utilise their connections u can ever shut them up? Utilizing ur wifes connections shows u married her cos of that and ure a gold digger. They made u and ure their boy. Guy what makes u a man is u hustling ur own way and making ur own connection in this life.
Their grand children are ur kids first before their grand children and as the parents u decide what ur children eat, wear and the school they attend. Or else na another man go raise ur own children for u? Can u call urself a man then? If u cannot pay for ur own children school fees without mummy and daddy's help, why did u born them?
How is ur brain working?

DripDrop:


We know your type. A typical gold digger who will quickly sell his honour for a piece of cake.
Do u think if u utilise their connections u can ever shut them up? Utilizing ur wifes connections shows u married her cos of that and ure a gold digger. They made u and ure their boy. Guy what makes u a man is u hustling ur own way and making ur own connection in this life.
Their grand children are ur kids first before their grand children and as the parents u decide what ur children eat, wear and the school they attend. Or else na another man go raise ur own children for u? Can u call urself a man then?

Abeg which beer you dey drink Sir ?

chocberry:



Abeg which beer you dey drink Sir ?

Heineken. I no dey take ororo. U get cold one for fridge make I show?

DripDrop:


Heineken. I no dey take ororo. U get cold one for fridge make I show?

Elder, me still dey climb ladder o. Take one cool pure water for there on me

chocberry:



Elder, me still dey climb ladder o. Take one cool pure water for there on me

that one sef make sense.

DripDrop:


that one sef make sense.

khome:
Lol

since you are not from rich family, i will let you go. abi you have a rich friend? let me know.

mylifeisagift:

I laugh at U in swahili..If You think you need money to garner wifeys respect then you are on a long thing.. U are obviously misinformed,based your preposition on an entirely wrong premise hence your view point..
A little more bits of relationship here and there before marriage could have provided more insights...When a woman truly loves hubby money is so so inconsequential..You don marry you don marry but train your son to understand the dynamics of marriage..It is essential for the man( in African context) to be the provider for family, but a temporary lack shouldn't undermine wifeys respect..Like a commenter said Yours is a marriage of convenience..FULL STOP

[color=#990000][/color] without money to maintain a wife in Nigeria now is impossible, stop deceiving yourself nigga... now isn’t the 60s

mylifeisagift:

what obscure shithole did you emerge from??
Whats so difficult to comprehend about the post
Your intellect is obviously convolutedly retarded...No help

Lol..EPAIN AM

Trivia:
They say events come at you either as blessings or lessons. My marriage has been half of both. I married from a relatively richer family, and I must add that the fact that my wife came from a wealthy family, had absolutely no influence on my choice. I met her when her parents were not as wealthy as they would later become, and we were in love. At that time, my parents gave me a ‘mid-budget vehicle’ shortly after my graduation from a state University in Nigeria. And so, even though my father was not Dangote, he could afford quality life and education for his children. My wife’s parents over the years ascended in wealth and riches, and our wedding was relatively big. Dowry from her side of Nigeria was expectantly high, and I paid it with relative ease.

Fast forward to seven years afterwards, when as a man your financial apron-strings to your parents has had to be cut even before leaving your parents’ house, as you make your way for yourself. I have come to learn that these apron-strings are easier to cut for a man than they are for women, especially women from comparatively well to do backgrounds, and hence the troubles for the unwise woman in this situation.
Leaving the comfort of my father’s house in Ibadan, I could afford a mid-income apartment in a sub-urban part of Lagos, with few house gadgets and facilities. My business was doing great, and even though not luxury, our living was comfortable. But then, comfort is subjective, for no matter how much sacrifices I put into stocking my abode with items to ensure comfort for my wife, she and her parents always believed I could do better. They rarely visited, and when they did, would sit in a corner with their noses in the air, and as they leave shortly I would swear they will take a long bath in hand-sanitizers when they got home. Nonetheless, I did do better, and over the years things went on fine at the expense of my personal self-care.

And then came that family-finance stifling recession. You assure yourself that things would be fine, and all you needed to do was double your hustle. Hustle doubled, and results reduced. Bills increased, and nagging followed suit. I have found out that a woman’s nagging on her husband could either be overt or covert. I’d take the overt nagging any day, over the quiet and obvious discontent. At least with the expressed discontent, you can target your financial attention. No matter how much you try, her communication reduces and you know why. She starts visiting her parents more often, and discussing financial choices with them. They start dropping hints into her bank account. She starts paying some bills and buying ‘luxury food-items’, but you cannot complain, even though you know where the money came from. Yet you double, nay, triple your hustle and hope for better days.

And that’s when the problems started- A classic case of he who pays the piper. Her parents start giving instructions without consulting you. It starts with suggestions, and then downright directives on how your home should be run. But you are the man of the house and you direct otherwise. Short of them laughing at your effrontery, they are infuriated that you dare overrule their wishes. Who are you? You observe the gradual disappearance of your wife’s respect for you, while you notice that her parents don’t even factor your presence in any equation. You are vilified, and your wife is torn between obeying her parents’ wishes and abiding by your directives.

I give you an example. This here school is where my children will go, because that’s what I can afford and they are happy in this school, you say. And the response through her, of course because they don’t call you directly but speak to your wife. They say, ‘what? That school? Okay, find a better school in your neighbourhood and let us know how much it costs.’ You get to know about this when your wife starts hunting for a new (expensive) school. I can’t afford that for the two of them, you say. ‘Don’t worry,’ she responds. ‘Mummy said she will pay for it.’ Now, domestic violence is a big matter to the state government and the news is rife with men sent to jail for wife battery. Otherwise, you would have sent those series of slaps in quick succession, enough to wipe her make-up clean off and change her phone network. Besides, if you had done that, her parents would be glad to take her back in their huge mansion, while you battle for your children’s custody or even access to them. Since you can’t react, you swallow your anger and put your foot down, albeit tenderly.

But things did change for the better part of 2017, far better than before, and during the festive season you conveniently sent bags of rice and vegetable oil to them. Occasionally, you send recharge cards and cash, no matter how small to them, while maintaining your physical absence. You can now restrict your wife’s visit to them. I must add, that the respect has grown tremendously, and hilariously too. Now they call for permission before they send her on errands. Now their calls always go unanswered because I am busy, and they graciously understand, and just wanted to check up on you.

Lessons: In family relationships, money is important. Your love is noticed when supported with money. Maintain your respect with strategic absence. Money used strategically buys your wife's (and in-laws) respect. Teach your wife to always reveal lesser information than necessary; the less you reveal to people (in-laws) about what goes on internally, the better, and more respect both of you get. There can only be one captain in a ship, and as a husband you need to put your foot down, sometimes diplomatically. Your ships must sail in one direction, and orders are from only one captain. As much as possible, reduce or eliminate holes in your matrimonial walls, to prevent matrimonial lizards from creeping in. No matter what you are going through, you will go through it. I knew that that phase would pass, and I pray I live to tell this tale to my kids when they are about to get married. Importantly, I have learnt that my boys should pick from a home and not a house with arrogant in-laws with the feeling of entitlement. And if you can avoid it, try not to marry a woman from a wealthy background, unless you can assure yourself of her humility.

This has got to be the best thing I have read here. So well written# you should consider writing a book. You sure know how to put your thoughts into words.

Even,though I always fund it very hard to read long epistles like this,the OP's grammatical flows kept me running down like a broken tap.........

Daeylar:

Serious nonsense.
Why do some men even feel as if it's right for them to even think about slapping or beating their wives just because the wife says or does something they don't like.?

Typical African Culture, most of them were raised seeing their dad beating their mom at the slightest provocation, like the mom not putting enough salt in the soup.
Now there's a law and DV is a crime so I think they have to consciously discipline themselves. The next generation of men would be better in that aspect.


Nevertheless apart from that the write up was apt. OP is really mature albeit egoistic but he handled his situation well enough. I commend him and pray his marriage lasts the test of all.

crismark:

some gals in dis forum will tag u broke ass... am even angry u gave her 5k..if it was me ehn 5naira she wont get...

How will they say that? Am living comfortable here it's just I don't have time for women accept the ones that are close, I have dated a formal Governor's daughter and also a minister now but the girl died last year. I can't count how many rich girls I have dated before but since I came back to Abj fully it has been very hard to get a woman from well to do family mind you am not dating for their money and I have never asked for money rather I love trying to impress them on my own. What I actually want is a woman that's independent, don't want a burden right now the girl i met when i traveled wants me to pay for her house rent and school fees, which kind country be this? Am just tired maybe I should wait until I become a multimillionaire lol...

crismark:

2ru talk bro... but by den dose ones go don reach 40 to 50 na...nd d way dis my age grade of gals dey behave ehn, no wan ready to be independent lady

lol, no bro; you got it all wrong. I meant ladies of the same age; just makes sure you have a means of livelihood and you live on your own. Your monthly income and the kind of house you live isn't of importance.

Trivia:
They say events come at you either as blessings or lessons. My marriage has been half of both. I married from a relatively richer family, and I must add that the fact that my wife came from a wealthy family, had absolutely no influence on my choice. I met her when her parents were not as wealthy as they would later become, and we were in love. At that time, my parents gave me a ‘mid-budget vehicle’ shortly after my graduation from a state University in Nigeria. And so, even though my father was not Dangote, he could afford quality life and education for his children. My wife’s parents over the years ascended in wealth and riches, and our wedding was relatively big. Dowry from her side of Nigeria was expectantly high, and I paid it with relative ease.

Fast forward to seven years afterwards, when as a man your financial apron-strings to your parents has had to be cut even before leaving your parents’ house, as you make your way for yourself. I have come to learn that these apron-strings are easier to cut for a man than they are for women, especially women from comparatively well to do backgrounds, and hence the troubles for the unwise woman in this situation.
Leaving the comfort of my father’s house in Ibadan, I could afford a mid-income apartment in a sub-urban part of Lagos, with few house gadgets and facilities. My business was doing great, and even though not luxury, our living was comfortable. But then, comfort is subjective, for no matter how much sacrifices I put into stocking my abode with items to ensure comfort for my wife, she and her parents always believed I could do better. They rarely visited, and when they did, would sit in a corner with their noses in the air, and as they leave shortly I would swear they will take a long bath in hand-sanitizers when they got home. Nonetheless, I did do better, and over the years things went on fine at the expense of my personal self-care.

And then came that family-finance stifling recession. You assure yourself that things would be fine, and all you needed to do was double your hustle. Hustle doubled, and results reduced. Bills increased, and nagging followed suit. I have found out that a woman’s nagging on her husband could either be overt or covert. I’d take the overt nagging any day, over the quiet and obvious discontent. At least with the expressed discontent, you can target your financial attention. No matter how much you try, her communication reduces and you know why. She starts visiting her parents more often, and discussing financial choices with them. They start dropping hints into her bank account. She starts paying some bills and buying ‘luxury food-items’, but you cannot complain, even though you know where the money came from. Yet you double, nay, triple your hustle and hope for better days.

And that’s when the problems started- A classic case of he who pays the piper. Her parents start giving instructions without consulting you. It starts with suggestions, and then downright directives on how your home should be run. But you are the man of the house and you direct otherwise. Short of them laughing at your effrontery, they are infuriated that you dare overrule their wishes. Who are you? You observe the gradual disappearance of your wife’s respect for you, while you notice that her parents don’t even factor your presence in any equation. You are vilified, and your wife is torn between obeying her parents’ wishes and abiding by your directives.

I give you an example. This here school is where my children will go, because that’s what I can afford and they are happy in this school, you say. And the response through her, of course because they don’t call you directly but speak to your wife. They say, ‘what? That school? Okay, find a better school in your neighbourhood and let us know how much it costs.’ You get to know about this when your wife starts hunting for a new (expensive) school. I can’t afford that for the two of them, you say. ‘Don’t worry,’ she responds. ‘Mummy said she will pay for it.’ Now, domestic violence is a big matter to the state government and the news is rife with men sent to jail for wife battery. Otherwise, you would have sent those series of slaps in quick succession, enough to wipe her make-up clean off and change her phone network. Besides, if you had done that, her parents would be glad to take her back in their huge mansion, while you battle for your children’s custody or even access to them. Since you can’t react, you swallow your anger and put your foot down, albeit tenderly.

But things did change for the better part of 2017, far better than before, and during the festive season you conveniently sent bags of rice and vegetable oil to them. Occasionally, you send recharge cards and cash, no matter how small to them, while maintaining your physical absence. You can now restrict your wife’s visit to them. I must add, that the respect has grown tremendously, and hilariously too. Now they call for permission before they send her on errands. Now their calls always go unanswered because I am busy, and they graciously understand, and just wanted to check up on you.

Lessons: In family relationships, money is important. Your love is noticed when supported with money. Maintain your respect with strategic absence. Money used strategically buys your wife's (and in-laws) respect. Teach your wife to always reveal lesser information than necessary; the less you reveal to people (in-laws) about what goes on internally, the better, and more respect both of you get. There can only be one captain in a ship, and as a husband you need to put your foot down, sometimes diplomatically. Your ships must sail in one direction, and orders are from only one captain. As much as possible, reduce or eliminate holes in your matrimonial walls, to prevent matrimonial lizards from creeping in. No matter what you are going through, you will go through it. I knew that that phase would pass, and I pray I live to tell this tale to my kids when they are about to get married. Importantly, I have learnt that my boys should pick from a home and not a house with arrogant in-laws with the feeling of entitlement. And if you can avoid it, try not to marry a woman from a wealthy background, unless you can assure yourself of her humility.

This is one of the most educative family-related posts I’ve read on this forum. This piece is laced with a bit too much of honesty. I’m not married yet but this post is very relatable. Although I might not need this at the moment, I believe I’ll need this in the nearest future. OP, I doff my hat!

Trivia:
They say events come at you either as blessings or lessons. My marriage has been half of both. I married from a relatively richer family, and I must add that the fact that my wife came from a wealthy family, had absolutely no influence on my choice. I met her when her parents were not as wealthy as they would later become, and we were in love. At that time, my parents gave me a ‘mid-budget vehicle’ shortly after my graduation from a state University in Nigeria. And so, even though my father was not Dangote, he could afford quality life and education for his children. My wife’s parents over the years ascended in wealth and riches, and our wedding was relatively big. Dowry from her side of Nigeria was expectantly high, and I paid it with relative ease.

Fast forward to seven years afterwards, when as a man your financial apron-strings to your parents has had to be cut even before leaving your parents’ house, as you make your way for yourself. I have come to learn that these apron-strings are easier to cut for a man than they are for women, especially women from comparatively well to do backgrounds, and hence the troubles for the unwise woman in this situation.
Leaving the comfort of my father’s house in Ibadan, I could afford a mid-income apartment in a sub-urban part of Lagos, with few house gadgets and facilities. My business was doing great, and even though not luxury, our living was comfortable. But then, comfort is subjective, for no matter how much sacrifices I put into stocking my abode with items to ensure comfort for my wife, she and her parents always believed I could do better. They rarely visited, and when they did, would sit in a corner with their noses in the air, and as they leave shortly I would swear they will take a long bath in hand-sanitizers when they got home. Nonetheless, I did do better, and over the years things went on fine at the expense of my personal self-care.

And then came that family-finance stifling recession. You assure yourself that things would be fine, and all you needed to do was double your hustle. Hustle doubled, and results reduced. Bills increased, and nagging followed suit. I have found out that a woman’s nagging on her husband could either be overt or covert. I’d take the overt nagging any day, over the quiet and obvious discontent. At least with the expressed discontent, you can target your financial attention. No matter how much you try, her communication reduces and you know why. She starts visiting her parents more often, and discussing financial choices with them. They start dropping hints into her bank account. She starts paying some bills and buying ‘luxury food-items’, but you cannot complain, even though you know where the money came from. Yet you double, nay, triple your hustle and hope for better days.

And that’s when the problems started- A classic case of he who pays the piper. Her parents start giving instructions without consulting you. It starts with suggestions, and then downright directives on how your home should be run. But you are the man of the house and you direct otherwise. Short of them laughing at your effrontery, they are infuriated that you dare overrule their wishes. Who are you? You observe the gradual disappearance of your wife’s respect for you, while you notice that her parents don’t even factor your presence in any equation. You are vilified, and your wife is torn between obeying her parents’ wishes and abiding by your directives.

I give you an example. This here school is where my children will go, because that’s what I can afford and they are happy in this school, you say. And the response through her, of course because they don’t call you directly but speak to your wife. They say, ‘what? That school? Okay, find a better school in your neighbourhood and let us know how much it costs.’ You get to know about this when your wife starts hunting for a new (expensive) school. I can’t afford that for the two of them, you say. ‘Don’t worry,’ she responds. ‘Mummy said she will pay for it.’ Now, domestic violence is a big matter to the state government and the news is rife with men sent to jail for wife battery. Otherwise, you would have sent those series of slaps in quick succession, enough to wipe her make-up clean off and change her phone network. Besides, if you had done that, her parents would be glad to take her back in their huge mansion, while you battle for your children’s custody or even access to them. Since you can’t react, you swallow your anger and put your foot down, albeit tenderly.

But things did change for the better part of 2017, far better than before, and during the festive season you conveniently sent bags of rice and vegetable oil to them. Occasionally, you send recharge cards and cash, no matter how small to them, while maintaining your physical absence. You can now restrict your wife’s visit to them. I must add, that the respect has grown tremendously, and hilariously too. Now they call for permission before they send her on errands. Now their calls always go unanswered because I am busy, and they graciously understand, and just wanted to check up on you.

Lessons: In family relationships, money is important. Your love is noticed when supported with money. Maintain your respect with strategic absence. Money used strategically buys your wife's (and in-laws) respect. Teach your wife to always reveal lesser information than necessary; the less you reveal to people (in-laws) about what goes on internally, the better, and more respect both of you get. There can only be one captain in a ship, and as a husband you need to put your foot down, sometimes diplomatically. Your ships must sail in one direction, and orders are from only one captain. As much as possible, reduce or eliminate holes in your matrimonial walls, to prevent matrimonial lizards from creeping in. No matter what you are going through, you will go through it. I knew that that phase would pass, and I pray I live to tell this tale to my kids when they are about to get married. Importantly, I have learnt that my boys should pick from a home and not a house with arrogant in-laws with the feeling of entitlement. And if you can avoid it, try not to marry a woman from a wealthy background, unless you can assure yourself of her humility.

I can relate with your experience.It looks 100% like mine.You are 100% right ! .I agree with you.

So because someone does not agree with the issues raised by OP he's now a prïck and likened to a lunatic eh @chocberry, @DripDrop?


Never believe a one sided story, moreso where there are many sides to the same story. We may draw inferences from the narrative, however, if you choose to believe the scenario as OP put it, sorry to mention, you're believing in a well crafted fable suited to edify none other than OP himself. Moreover, after once reading a "he said/she said" story in this same family section, I've come to take - to the damage of my analytical kidneys- more than my fair share of a pinch of salt when reading many of Nairaland's e-tales.


P/S One does not have to be married to air views on married issues same as one needn't know how to drive to see reckless driving or one having children to know how to raise them.

My personal opinion biko (should NOT be misconstrued as fact)!

chocberry:


Wrong, it was on front page first thing this morning, as newer topics makes front page,older ones are pushed down

I see

Kobicove:
Don't let anyone fool you, money is very important when it comes to sustaining a marriage in Nigeria.

By the way OP, the quality of your grammar is a testament to the fact that you went to good schools...that means your parents were relatively well-off to have been able to afford such schools

yes we go same school, but the school far o.

Trivia just won thread of the month in my opinion. Hey Seun we should do something like this to encourage the smart ones. Trivia your proper use of English was top notch, your story was entertaining and educative (sleep clear from eye for a good reason), your example came at the right time and further improved your message, you weren't nagging but sir I want to solve my marital problems with your wisdom, you were so good that e-feminist didn't attempt to bash you for contemplating 'hitting' your wife to re-format your self and that was funny. You had entertainment, lesson, great writing skills and emotion all in one piece. I score you 100% and give you 10/10

This topic is about marrying from wealthy family, If you see the stories of marrying from poor family, my brother, you will think twice.
You start from pant, bra, setiing up father in law, mother in law, paying sister in law school fees, setting brother in law in music business. It's a whole lot more drama. Thank your star you have a shoulder to cry on, If you were married to a poor family, the little you had will become nothing because of the responsibilities imposed on you.

Michealsinzo:
[color=#990000][/color] without money to maintain a wife in Nigeria now is impossible, stop deceiving yourself nigga... now isn’t the 60s

Na u dey even decieve yourself.. Na those days e matter pass..And hope u ain't thinking what i mean a wife is a poor one..
Am a Medical Doctor married to a nurse..My Heartrob practically asks for nothing..Sometimes she even foot the bills unaware to me( I could be overwhelmed with work, most times)..It hasnt for once affected her character..As a matter of fact during our courting days when man was struggling to find his feet, she was more financially uptight. ( She NEVER rubbed it in my face)..This was exactly one of the reasons i stuck with her thru thick n thin...MONEY doesn't equate love..What you have in Nigeria in most cases is a Union based on Convenience trust me bro