₦airaland Forum

Daboomb:
I humbly disagree with you.
Please take a cue from the post of @Adebowale89.
There are so many ways fo de-escalating or even stopping fights in marriages.
Just that both parties are arrogant and full of pride, no one wants to be the "sheep".

BTW: if the son sends thugs but did not show-up himself (to rule out the son)....
What if the thugs were caught and they confess to who sent them (the son), is that not prison awaiting such son?
Charge: Conpiracy to murder, attempted murder
Sentence: 25yrs in prison........ for something that dialogue can resolve?

grafixdon:
You want to beat your father up? Go ahead, one day you'll marry hence you'll understand better.

Tell your mum to stop running her mouth and keep quite when necessary. Your dad isn't a mad man, he can't be beating your mum without reason. Two wrong doesn't make a right. One need to be submissive to another.

grafixdon:
You want to beat your father up? Go ahead, one day you'll marry hence you'll understand better.

Tell your mum to stop running her mouth and keep quite when necessary. Your dad isn't a mad man, he can't be beating your mum without reason. Two wrong doesn't make a right. One need to be submissive to another.

Niceguy123:
you re a very big fool to open ur mouth and spill rubbish, later you come they apologize. Who your apology help

Daboomb:
Immature people like you should NEVER be giving advice, you just cant make-up the experience.

Read the story again, this time S-L-O-W-L-Y...

Even if the father is not here to tell his own side of the story (and we all know that when people report stories like this, they embellish it in such a way as to generate sympathy for themselves ) but a smart and experienced person/Judge will easily see through the one-sided story.
You have jumped to conclusion and even called the father a jerk!
You have called him an abuser.
You have questioned why she should marry a divorcee yet the same you, just two post below, is chastising another person who said she deserved what she got, for marrying a divorced person! You see how confused you are?

Troubledmind:
I'm Frederick (pseudonym) i come from a family where raising your hands against your parent is a taboo, my mum has been with my dad for 21 years, she's a second wife, the first wife is living elsewhere, they got divorced before my mum came, now my dad disrespect my mum everytime, he barks at her for nothing, even things that shouldn't cause trouble he'll pick offense, he beats her in our presence, back then when I was young and helpless I'll just watch and cry but now I'm grown, i can beat him up anytime now because I told him the last time that if he touches my mum again I'll kill him, i regret telling him that but i was enraged, this poor woman endured this for 21yrs, currently I'm not at home, i got a call from my kid sis telling me he has started again, since my last warning he was quiet, now he's back to his old self, the worst thing is, he has other children, he'll always call my siblings and tell them bad things about me and mum, they don't talk to her or me(my elder bro and sis) dont talk to me or mum, I'm the second child from mum and the ninth child from dad, he's always battering mum and causing a rift between me and my siblings.

He pays thier school fees including my old bro who's almost thirty and my immediate younger sis but he refused to pay mine, the only siblings that talk to me is the last born and the youngest girl, the rest sided my dad

Please what do i do, i dont want to be someone who beat up my dad

InvertedHammer:
You are assuming the mother will live long enough to enjoy the result of his hustling considering the way she is being panel-beated regularly. The OP is asking for current solution.
Should he stand aside and watch or join the foray? I advice that you sacrifice your dad's two front teeth. If the people cannot talk about his violence against your mother, they shouldn't talk about your violence against him.

Be a man!

/

I made it clear that he should also take a legal approach while hustling, involve the police and sign an undertaking did you even read what i typed at all?

Fighting his father will only get him more than he bargained for and people would think the father is the good guy here

prechbills1:
the person that has been giving your mom money for food, gave you and her shelter is now a modafvker right?

I guess you can only say this nonsense on social media

CaptJeffry:
Hustle and make money, build a house and move your mum out of that home before your dad kills her. I admire your resilience, I couldn't have held on this long if in your shoes.

Whoever wants to beat up my mum should first dig a grave for himself because I'm gonna put a bullet through his head.

Saintdaprince:
You are dead wrong to tell your dad that you will kill him. You need must apologise to him.

Your mum should have known what makes your dad and her husband angry. The have lived for 21 years and not 21 hours or 21 months.

All I want to see in your family is total turn around of things. It will begin if you and your family really want Peace.

Finally, I know of a man, who is just more than a mere man, He comes into ugly situations when he is invited, He is more than a Friend, He understands the situation in your home and He is longing to be invited to your home. He is faithful, He is love, He is Peace and whenever he steps in, wonders happens. He is Jesus.

Why not talk to him in prayers. Sing the hymnal that says, What a friend we have in Jesus.....

May Jesus be given opportunity to visit your home.

Daboomb:
A lot of immature people have adviced you to beat your Dad (which is what l suppose you really want to hear) but before you do, l want you to ponder on one thing:
You have other grown-up brothers from the other wife of your father.
Can you beat those men as well?
What if you beat your Dad and one of them bigger brothers decided and beat the hell out fo you for beating "his own Dad"?
What if two or three of them even team-up and beat sheege sense into your head, can you handle that? Dont forget that he is not your own exclusive Dad, others wont fold their hand and watch you kill him for them

Because you are stronger than your Dad 'now', you think that gives you the license to take laws into your hand, not minding that you are placing a "curse" on your own head? Think about it for a minute, just one minute.
What is good for the Goose, is also good for the Gander.

Now, let me x-ray what you wrote, and hold you to account by your own words.

*Your Dad pays the school fees of everyone else, except you! What does that say of you?
*The other children side with your Dad! What does that say about your own character?
*You say your Dad "barks"! What does that say about you, as a son?
*You say your Dad 'causes rift' between you and your other siblings! What does that say about your personality and behaviour in the family?

The above clearly shows that you are a PROBLEM CHILD otherwise, your other siblings will not side with your Dad (at least not all of them).
For your Dad to refuse to pay your own school fees while paying for others, even a 30yr old, shows that he is a responsible man but you are just disobedient child of the family and you think using your mother's situation as an excuse, will allow you to get back at your Dad.

Generally speaking, let us assume your Dad and mother do quarrel a lot and being a man, he would definitely have the upper hand (no man will keep beating a woman, if she is not fighting back, over and over again. It is against the laws of conflict. Just think about it).
A good child will try to get to the root of the matter and try to "make peace" between the two, not take sides and want to beat one-up, for the other.
For your Dad to have lived with your mother for 21yrs, means there is something good about him and something good about your Mum...but differences do develop in all marriages and since a ship cant have two captains, without sinking, one of the parents must adopt the "sheep attitude" if the other has adopted a "goat attitude". But if yoru Dad is the Goat and your Mum also decides she wants to be a Goat, then they have to slug it out physically - That is a matter of choice for each of them.

Again, a sane child would have solicited the help of other older siblings, to amke peace in the marriage but a wayward one like you cant think along that line. You are just itching to beat up that old man, for all the anger you have bottled-up inside, against him.

But let me assure you of a few things:
- Karma is a bitch, beat up the man (assuming he is helpless), then watch what happens to you in future, even if you claim you wont touch your wife, it could just be a neighbours son that would pay you back..... but surely, you will get paid back with better 'interest'.

- If you beat that 'old man' up, there are "things" that the older generation can do to 'stronger young' men like you, to teach them the lesson of their life (you have made your self the 'enemy within' and would be treated as such).
Dont blame anybody if you become paralysed or run mad very soon.

- Your other older sibling, especially the Males, are watching you closely (they may not have said anything now) but the day they hear that you lay hands on their father, that is the day they would teach you a good lesson in life.

My advice for you, since it appears you are beyond redemption, is to move your Mum out of the house, to a house you rent for her outside so that she can be Queen and authority in that place.
While l dont support spouses getting physical with each other, especially older people, l think 21yrs is enough time to study and understand one's spouse and their 'temperament'. If by now, they still cant live together peacefully, she should seek alternative accomodation and leave the "mad man" alone to his madness.

Daboomb:
Why are you sounding like a woman who got a raw deal from her husband?
Jeez! Cant you write without all these emotions?

Not just Nigeria but all over the world, Children treat their Mothers better than their fathers (on the average)
And this should not come as a suprise to any father or any smart person for that matter!

- Child stays in Mum's tommy for 9months, bond already established before birth
- Child suckles Mum's breast for another 9-24months, that is a no-brainer (even wives can attest to this breast sucking thing )
- Mum backs child for another three years or so
Fathers are trained to be stoic and independent, with self pride so the attachment to the child is not always there.

Fathers do what they do for their children.....and see it as a DUTY, for so as to create and attachment with the child for future exploitation.
That is where the difference lie.

And there are millions of homes where the mother will attest to it that the best thing that ever happened to them, is their husband.
Not everyone comes from a shitty home like yours ....and get over it please.

Beey:
Some comments make me mad.Like this one.Is there a reason good enough to beat a grown woman? Is she his wife or daughter? Were you there when his mom was running her mouth like you said? Gosh, these kind of comments just piss me off.It's like you are saying for his dad to get respect he must beat his mom up.Respect is earned & can't be obtained through force.Either you protect your mom because leaving her to be beaten up is betrayal in itself, or have her consider separation from your dad until a solution is found.

prechbills1:
the person that has been giving your mom money for food, gave you and her shelter is now a modafvker right?

I guess you can only say this nonsense on social media

Daboomb:
A lot of immature people have adviced you to beat your Dad (which is what l suppose you really want to hear) but before you do, l want you to ponder on one thing:
You have other grown-up brothers from the other wife of your father.
Can you beat those men as well?
What if you beat your Dad and one of them bigger brothers decided and beat the hell out fo you for beating "his own Dad"?
What if two or three of them even team-up and beat sheege sense into your head, can you handle that? Dont forget that he is not your own exclusive Dad, others wont fold their hand and watch you kill him for them

Because you are stronger than your Dad 'now', you think that gives you the license to take laws into your hand, not minding that you are placing a "curse" on your own head? Think about it for a minute, just one minute.
What is good for the Goose, is also good for the Gander.

Now, let me x-ray what you wrote, and hold you to account by your own words.

*Your Dad pays the school fees of everyone else, except you! What does that say of you?
*The other children side with your Dad! What does that say about your own character?
*You say your Dad "barks"! What does that say about you, as a son?
*You say your Dad 'causes rift' between you and your other siblings! What does that say about your personality and behaviour in the family?

The above clearly shows that you are a PROBLEM CHILD otherwise, your other siblings will not side with your Dad (at least not all of them).
For your Dad to refuse to pay your own school fees while paying for others, even a 30yr old, shows that he is a responsible man but you are just disobedient child of the family and you think using your mother's situation as an excuse, will allow you to get back at your Dad.

Generally speaking, let us assume your Dad and mother do quarrel a lot and being a man, he would definitely have the upper hand (no man will keep beating a woman, if she is not fighting back, over and over again. It is against the laws of conflict. Just think about it).
A good child will try to get to the root of the matter and try to "make peace" between the two, not take sides and want to beat one-up, for the other.
For your Dad to have lived with your mother for 21yrs, means there is something good about him and something good about your Mum...but differences do develop in all marriages and since a ship cant have two captains, without sinking, one of the parents must adopt the "sheep attitude" if the other has adopted a "goat attitude". But if yoru Dad is the Goat and your Mum also decides she wants to be a Goat, then they have to slug it out physically - That is a matter of choice for each of them.

Again, a sane child would have solicited the help of other older siblings, to amke peace in the marriage but a wayward one like you cant think along that line. You are just itching to beat up that old man, for all the anger you have bottled-up inside, against him.

But let me assure you of a few things:
- Karma is a bitch, beat up the man (assuming he is helpless), then watch what happens to you in future, even if you claim you wont touch your wife, it could just be a neighbours son that would pay you back..... but surely, you will get paid back with better 'interest'.

- If you beat that 'old man' up, there are "things" that the older generation can do to 'stronger young' men like you, to teach them the lesson of their life (you have made your self the 'enemy within' and would be treated as such).
Dont blame anybody if you become paralysed or run mad very soon.

- Your other older sibling, especially the Males, are watching you closely (they may not have said anything now) but the day they hear that you lay hands on their father, that is the day they would teach you a good lesson in life.

My advice for you, since it appears you are beyond redemption, is to move your Mum out of the house, to a house you rent for her outside so that she can be Queen and authority in that place.
While l dont support spouses getting physical with each other, especially older people, l think 21yrs is enough time to study and understand one's spouse and their 'temperament'. If by now, they still cant live together peacefully, she should seek alternative accomodation and leave the "mad man" alone to his madness.

mikejj:
is ur dad from osun state??

grafixdon:
I see accumulated anger, bitterness and frustration from that man's angel. No sane man will start hitting his wife without reason. When you're frustrated, little things will start annoying you even when you should overlook it.

They've completely destroyed that man's ego, the only way he know he could get it back is by violent, he's not like this before, I'm very sure about this. They turned him to monster so they have to enjoy it while last. (note, I hate people that beat their wife ill never support such act) but imaging this boy telling his father he'll beat him up (to his face).

Don't be sentimental when you're commenting on issues like this. Bible says 'Honour thy father and thy
mother: that thy days may be long upon the land... '.

He pays all of his children's bills expect for this arrogant boy. I've said this before and I'm saying it again, two wrong doesn't make a right, if the man is angry, let the woman be calm.

ksbusari:
does a mad Man use Techno Phone? does someone like you exists on Nairaland? werrey

mamawin:
Why on earth would you ask such? except you know somebody that matches the description, one's state of origin has nothing to do with one's character. you must have been misled.
op, try and persuade your mum to leave before this results into death. but you need to ask her some questions oo, do you think you may be the source of their quarrels? try begging your dad for a change, take elders from the family along and see if it works. don't ever try to raise a finger to your dad please.

mhisbliss:
Ya i see her numerous comments there, sometimes you cant help but wonder where we went wrong

Ya quora, lots of smart people there and more coordinated

Rajosh:
what's the link to quora. I'm tired of childish posts and comments here

Daboomb:
Always read and comprehend, before making your contribution!

- The man was divorced, before marrying his Mum (Check out the meaning of divorced)
- Once you are divorced, you are entitled to re-marry
- Marriages of first-timers ( no previous marriage) also suffer similar trials, fighting and even breakup, so whats your point?
- A lot of second-attempt marriages are very successful and worth emulating, so dont generalise.


BTW:
Where did you read that his Mum made the life of the first wife unbearable .............. or are you a 'sent-out-packing' first wife?
Where did you read that the old man is dating another lady and that is the cause of their fight?

delishpot: