Let me start with, "what someone is praying for, another is planning to dispose."

Don't take my above statement personal yet, just wait for few questions.

1. Did the relation start being boring or it became boring per time?
2. The long distance, can it be shortened?
3. Is he working/studying there or just playing (I doubt he's playing)?
4. Does he love you (from your view)?
5. Do you think he has another lady over there?
6. Apart from this long distance barrier, is there any other thing that can't make you cope again? If the long distance issue is solved, will you be completely happy with him?
7. Have you let him know how you feel about the long distance?
8. What step have you taken concerning what's not pleasing you in your dear relationship?

If your answer to number one is "it started boring", then I'm sorry, both of you are the same. You two don't know how to spice up and it's a problem. Let me tell you, if you leave him for a more lively guy while you remain boring, the new guy is very likely to dump you for a more lively girl in the nearest future.
If the relationship became boring per time, then it's not a serious issue, just locate what you guys used to do then and bring life into it again. Yes! You too can do it!

2. If the long distance can be shortened, try doing that. Any of you can relocate for frequent physical visit.

3. If he is working or studying over there, why are you concerned this much on something temporal? Are you comparing your relationship to those in movies? Come on! Don't ever do that. Perfect, I mean a PERFECT relationship with NO ISSUES exist ONLY in movies.
Wait till he's done with what he's doing there or try moving closer to him.

4. If you're quite certain he loves you, my sister, stick to him like "you are going no where". Trust me, those public lovy-dovy relationship that freak you out there are mostly full of pretence. Real love is very rare, if you find one pls hold him tight and show him more reasons to love you.

5. If you feel or think he has another lady over there, make your findings right, you're a lady, you people make better research than American intelligence squad. Catch him on the wrist before you react, don't decide on assumption.

6. If the distance is the only problem you have in d relationship, you have got a relationship that's to be called a perfect relationship. Others have have more than one more-terrible issues in their relationships, yet the package it and present it to you go public as the best. Solve yours or learn to cope.

7. If you haven't let him know how you feel about this, I think I should find you and suspend a knock on your head
Who else would you discuss it with if not your man? Come on! Arrange a physical meeting and pour your heart. Let him have NOT a glimpse but the details of how you feel. He can do something if he's reasonable.

8. You, what have you done to it apart from coming to Nairaland? If nothing, another knock awaits you here. Do something!


From my perspective, I think you're having this rethink simply because of that new lover boy you just met who is showing you attention.
Remember: All that glitter ain't a gold.
I'm a guy too, we can be very psychologically smart. We know when to shoot and how to make a perfect shot with innocent and brilliant appearance.
Also, know that d devil you've known for long is better than d god you're about to meet.

All in all, A WHOLE LIFETIME IS NOT ENOUGH TO KNOW HALF OF HUMAN ATTITUDE. If you're partialarly happy in your relationship, try to make it full happiness instead of jumping to another relationship with no ASSURANCE. You deserve some ACCOLADES too sis.

I'm sorry for the relevant epistle in case anyone finds it irrelevant.

I wish you all the best.

Amaraokafor, are you from Imo state?

Be honest with me bcz i know you very well


How many men have you slept with within this 3years of your relationship with this guy?

I will upload your data here if you didnt answer my question..


Na wey your younger sister don marry, na e you know say, u go stop to dey slay

Relationships are not the way Nigerians treat it.


If it doesnt make you happy, move the Bleep on. Life is not hard. What's wrong with double dating?

Amaraokafor:


Calm down.
I'm naturally a sociable person, he is not. He has no friends and don't hang out. When I try to instigate such, he seems cool but when it's time to take such actions he just doesn't bring himself to do it. Again Oga, no be person wet you see you go go out with? Even when I volunteer to see him, he just gives excuses.I have sat down to think where the problem is coming from and still I don't seem to understand.

Big red flag. Start seeing the handwriting on the wall. I always say it if a man is really serious about a lady and he's not that buoyant enough to spend. A court wedding is more than enough. Is he well to do and comfortable enough?

I'm the one left hanging in the air

are.


When you are in the air most times you have no idea where you are.
Get down the air and find your way!!!

You didn't state your age.

If you are in your late 20's and you feel this new guy is ready please go for him.

Desperation for marriage no good. Cos ur junior sis don marry u self wan marry. In all honesty dump that guy jor. 3 years haba

Amaraokafor:


Calm down.
I'm naturally a sociable person, he is not. He has no friends and don't hang out. When I try to instigate such, he seems cool but when it's time to take such actions he just doesn't bring himself to do it. Again Oga, no be person wet you see you go go out with? Even when I volunteer to see him, he just gives excuses.I have sat down to think where the problem is coming from and still I don't seem to understand.

Flee from such dull men dey will ruin ur life. I betvu DAT wen u get married u can't do a thing without there permission they will even wnt u to he full housewife.
If ur not d type DAT cheats, test him make him understand u put him in d mood of jealousy if he doesn't fall den he's probably a sadist den u hv to run more Dan ur legs can carry u.
Am a guy sometimes we men can just keep u without a word because of maybe ur charisma, gud sex etc.
So think twice on this.

obowunmi:
Relationships are not the way Nigerians treat it.


If it doesnt make you happy, move the Bleep on. Life is not hard. What's wrong with double dating?

There's really nothing wrong with double dating....until you're at the receiving end!

From all I can see you just want an excuse to leave him, I suspect you are already having feelings for someone lease

I usually avoid judging issues like this based on one person's testimony usually the other partner will have his or her own issues to raise

I can see from alit of good advise you you are wuick to state how it's been done and you are tired.

You only seem.to accept comments telling you to move on

You are just looking for validation for what you have already decided. Maybe because you know something they don't which you didn't state here?

You are seeing the other guy obviously and are shopping for validation due to a guilty conscience I suspect ?

Anyways you are not simcere and there's more to this.

Have you been intimate with the itehr guy?
(which is suspect you have )

Here's what I really think happened

Yes this overly busy ffiancee of yours probably doesn't make enough time for.you and you have been.okay with it for a while (3 years isn't a short time it took you this long to realize all this?)

You went out met this nee guy and he has swept you off your feet , you guys have been intimate and you are developing feelings for you and now he may be talking of getting serious with you and now you realize this is a fauzx parse because you still have e your fiancee who is overly busy

Now.you are trying to justify your actions and break up

Well good radiance if I am.wromg good radiance again

We.all.have our problems talk with your man the grass is always greener on the neighbors lawn till you are standing on it

mrphysics:

Are you sure he's financially stable?

All I see is a guy with many responsibility with the demand for his income more than the income. That guy has a lot bothering him about his finances.

You're nailed it!
But someone with such problems shouldn't aim too high now.The issues are these, I presume, he prioritize things that are irrelevant.

I laugh in Greek. I specialize in LDR and I know they fail 9 out of 10. Biko move on if you really wanna settle but let him know you're moving on.

Talking to him abt what the relat'ship holds for u both and where its taking u to shouldn't be a phone thing. Let it be physical, where u will both look into each other's face and see what's going on. Goodluck

Did I just hear u say u wanna wait, Oh spare me! Is he d only gentleman? C'mon, Time waits 4 no man, move on with life, do u knw what he's doing at d moment? Ok, Ok, Ok, I understand, u knw what? Call him & let him knw what u r passing tru. BOL.

Tell him you habe several suitors and watch his reactions. Allow him to decide for you what to do, he may want you to conclude the discussion by do not. Allow him to make a choice, either you should go ahead with your suitor or wait for him.

From your post and replies, i realised you have tried to spice things up in your relationship. Sometimes, we human waste our time on people that we won't end up with in the future. I think it is time to give another man a chance in your life.

Amaraokafor:


Thanks.
I have tried to make a move to establish physical contacts in his stead, but it's been met with several blockages from his end. When I try to create such Avenue to go out, he keeps postponing it. It's either he complains he is sick and can't make it or he attributes it to a busy schedule that can take a whole week. Even after the busy schedule I'd expect him to say "let's do it now I've the chance"but nothing comes out of it. If I try to instigate it again, he accepts but makes no move at all. It's funny because it's like a prank.

Only you will instigate, cajole, talk sense, into person. Na only you waka come. Time waits for no one. Give him a deadline. If no changes on his end within his probation period then you are free to do whatever you so choose.

Please guys, give her good ASSURANCE, a Life time INSURANCE.

Amaraokafor:
Good morning nairalanders. Forgive my blunders if you find any.

I need a candid advice for a decision in life I'm about to make. I have been dating this guy for three years now and even if we like each other, I'm beginning to realize that I'm getting tired of the relationship.

I come from a family of three girls and four boys. My elder sister is married as well as my younger sister.I'm the one left hanging in the air. I'm not a desperate lady, but recently I'm beginning to realize that feigning ignorance to this particular issue is beginning to take its toll on me.

I'm in a LDR that has seen little or no results for the past three years. Although there's a reasonable online contact, but physical presence is like a war. Sometimes I don't get to see him for months.The thing again is I'm chasing other guys away from me. Kept saying I'm taken but it's like I'm deceiving myself. I'm tired. I've tried to let go several times but couldn't just bring myself to do it.


Recently another guy came into my life and he seems really nice.He asked me out for a lunch date but I've been mute. I don't want to double date and my present relationship is beginning to make me deeply sad. I like my present man but the relationship is so dull. It's too empty. There are no memories. It's like Im not even in a relationship to start with. Apart from the fact we profess love to each other, I think it's the most dull and under performing relationship ever.He is responsible and cool headed, but the way he handles our relationship leaves me completely empty, extremely sad and hopeless.

I want to date again, but it's like I need a push. I have this ugly reputation for overstreching patience. This suffering inside and smiling outside syndrome. So people don't get to know how extremely sad I'm until I open up. I'm extremely sad.


Talk to me.
I will listen.

You are humble.

Always remember this quote..."THINGS MIGHT GET TO THOSE WHO WAIT...BUT IT'S THINGS LEFT BY THOSE WHO HUSTLE"

Babe I'm not a relationship counsellor but what I have to say is this.

Call your man and discuss this particular issue you said here to him and tell him how exactly you feel about the relationship been empty. When talking to him be bold and don't entertain fear or stammer when talking to him so he will know you're serious.

after your discussion with him let him give you his thought and plans don't allow him to tell you he want to think about it because he might definitely come out with a blessed excuse that will make you feel the shit he said is okay.

If is idea and objective doesn't suit your desire please kiss him goodbye and try having another date.

Success to you. Please do it peacefully.

funshint:

There's really nothing wrong with double dating....until you're at the receiving end!

Dating is a time to try out people who could work or not work for you.


You don't have the time, so you need to double date.

yeyerolling:
Desperation for marriage no good. Cos ur junior sis don marry u self wan marry. In all honesty dump that guy jor. 3 years haba

I'm not desperate o. If I don't get "hellod "by guys that should call for worries and lead to desperation to get married at all means. I love this my man. I want to marry him. I know he has money issues. But, I want to be seeing him. But it's not happening. I be tried to make several steps towards that but met several stumbling blocks. I'm completely exhausted.

Amaraokafor:


Thanks.
I have talked to him. I have raised lots of prospect for the future which we agreed on. I have given him a lot of heads up and better ways to handle future things that's not money consuming. I'm using every means available including prayers to set it right.I want to ask a question, can you plan a future with a man you see just once in 4 or 3 months?

If for a fact you did all this as stated above, my sister you don try, kindly take a bow. The clock is ticking my dear and like your mum said, time wait for no one. Goodluck.

Ambitionsway:
Babe I'm not a relationship counsellor but what I have to say is this.

Call your man and discuss this particular issue you said here to him and tell him how exactly you feel about the relationship been empty. When talking to him be bold and don't entertain fear or stammer when talking to him so he will know you're serious.

after your discussion with him let him give you his thought and plans don't allow him to tell you he want to think about it because he might definitely come out with a blessed excuse that will make you feel the shit he said is okay.

If is idea and objective doesn't suit your desire please kiss him goodbye and try having another date.

Success to you. Please do it peacefully.

Thanks

Amaraokafor:


I'm not desperate o. If I don't get "hellod "by guys that should call for worries and lead to desperation to get married at all means. I love this my man. I want to marry him. I know he has money issues. But, I want to be seeing him. But it's not happening. I be tried to make several steps towards that but met several stumbling blocks. I'm completely exhausted.

tell him its over. Chances are he wont beg u. Like ur mama said no time o

stop saying u are taking, accept a hand of friendship 2en guys come around u

Amaraokafor:



You're nailed it!
But someone with such problems shouldn't aim too high now.The issues are these, I presume, he prioritize things that are irrelevant.

Check the guy, he has a vision and he wants to attain it before anything else. That's how they do. They don't prioritize marriage or relationship and they have been told that relationship will cost them alot. As much as possible, they tend to keep their relationship at the phone level.

He isn't prioritizing things that are irrelevant, that guy has so many things/people depending on him. He is very calculative of how much your constant presence would cost him. So he postpones your meeting with him.

Their type are smart, intelligent, and calculative. They didn't get an easy way to their money, he suffered to earn it and he wants to set things right before going for things that will tend to 'decrease' that money.

Nwaohafia1:
Chioma waited for 5 years and got 45 million naira Porsche.


Little patience my dear

u wan compare her age to chioma age abii u no hear say her elder and junior sis don marry

Amaraokafor:
Good morning nairalanders. Forgive my blunders if you find any.

I need a candid advice for a decision in life I'm about to make. I have been dating this guy for three years now and even if we like each other, I'm beginning to realize that I'm getting tired of the relationship.

I come from a family of three girls and four boys. My elder sister is married as well as my younger sister.I'm the one left hanging in the air. I'm not a desperate lady, but recently I'm beginning to realize that feigning ignorance to this particular issue is beginning to take its toll on me.

I'm in a LDR that has seen little or no results for the past three years. Although there's a reasonable online contact, but physical presence is like a war. Sometimes I don't get to see him for months.The thing again is I'm chasing other guys away from me. Kept saying I'm taken but it's like I'm deceiving myself. I'm tired. I've tried to let go several times but couldn't just bring myself to do it.


Recently another guy came into my life and he seems really nice.He asked me out for a lunch date but I've been mute. I don't want to double date and my present relationship is beginning to make me deeply sad. I like my present man but the relationship is so dull. It's too empty. There are no memories. It's like Im not even in a relationship to start with. Apart from the fact we profess love to each other, I think it's the most dull and under performing relationship ever.He is responsible and cool headed, but the way he handles our relationship leaves me completely empty, extremely sad and hopeless.

I want to date again, but it's like I need a push. I have this ugly reputation for overstreching patience. This suffering inside and smiling outside syndrome. So people don't get to know how extremely sad I'm until I open up. I'm extremely sad.


Talk to me.
I will listen.

What exactly do you want the guy to do? It seems you know what you are looking for in the relationship,if you really do,let him know your mind. There are some guys they are not brave enough to take decision when it comes to some issues in a relationship. If there are things you are expecting him to do,engineer him to do it if you really love him. And if he is not willing to do it,you dialogue with legs.

mrphysics:

Are you sure he's financially stable?

All I see is a guy with many responsibility with the demand for his income more than the income. That guy has a lot bothering him about his finances.

Exactly my thought.