greyham:


The big issue I'm seeing here is financial.

He is not making enough to fund your visit to spend a few days with him. I believe if money was not a thing, you can afford to see each other at least once a week or two.

The truth is two of you are still in love but distance and finances are putting a big strain on it. Solve your financial challenges first, then distance will be less of a problem.

I wish you good luck

The financial issues is not hard enough to stop a visit.Believe me the distance as it is today is Same amount with braiding a hair in a local saloon

Amaraokafor:


Thanks and I see a lot of sense in this.
But this is not the first time something like this is playing out. I turned down a man's offer and then after waiting for me to accept and I didn't, I see him months later married to someone else. It's the third time it's happened already. I'm bothered before, why I'm bothered now is that I don't see him apart from calls.

Then Pray, meet your spiritual father or mentor for advise and weigh their words and follow your heart.
Time is of essence in the life of every young lady.
Next, if you don't see yourself being carried along on his day to day activities, it's a warning danger sign.
Any man who want to marry you should make you his confidant. All the best darling.

Amaraokafor:



Oga, you don't understand

I'm more crazy than that you put up there. But, the present situation of things now is not one that one can visit unexpectedly. I wish I can say more....

That aside. I'm dating a, man that when you discuss with him and talk, he sees sense in the discussion. He agrees and you think everything is settled. But na wash

He won't make a move on what is eventually concluded.

Are you sure you want to get married to a man who isn't proactive? Consider this scenario in your marriage, everytime you propose a new project, he says it's cool, only for him to do nothing about it. Are you ready to be the only one who drives the marriage forward, that's even if he comes around to propose to you. Think of how long it will take to get him to start wedding preparations, how long it will take for him to see your parents, to take you to his parents or meet your friends and have you meet his friends. I know there are men like this, but are you ready to spend the rest of your life making excuses for your spouse to your family, friends, etc. think hard about this. Three years is enough for you to know what your marriage will be like.

OLAJADON:

it a two way scenario,
first, if you decide to stay and at the end he just wasted Ur time or if you decide to go out with another guy and you later regret your actions then he won't want to take you back or pretend to take you back for revenge.
my suggestion is you best know this your guy than us here, deep down your heart does his actions speaks he loves you, forget the fact that he professes love, talk is cheap watch is action.
it may also be that he is too introverted if so then I will suggest you leave him because you both don't have the same love language, I won't suggest a marriage where you will have to be the one to always put your husband through in every situation. it won't last.
I am not saying you should break up with him but I would suggest you play a smart game so you won't loss on both side.

we men can be cunny at times, what ever step you take use your head so you won't loss on both sides

Thanks

NwaliE01:

Then Pray, meet your spiritual father or mentor for advise and weigh their words and follow your heart.
Time is of essence in the life of every young lady.
Next, if you don't see yourself being carried along on his day to day activities, it's a warning danger sign.
Any man who want to marry you should make you his confidant. All the best darling.

Thanks.

Amaraokafor:



Oga, you don't understand

I'm more crazy than that you put up there. But, the present situation of things now is not one that one can visit unexpectedly. I wish I can say more....

That aside. I'm dating a, man that when you discuss with him and talk, he sees sense in the discussion. He agrees and you think everything is settled. But na wash :-

He won't make a move on what is eventually concluded.

please ma.

what does your would-be husband do for a living?
from the conversations I have read , it seems to be your husband is always too occupied with his job

Saintmary:

Are you sure you want to get married to a man who isn't proactive? Consider this scenario in your marriage, everytime you propose a new project, he says it's cool, only for him to do nothing about it. Are you ready to be the only one who drives the marriage forward, that's even if he comes around to propose to you. Think of how long it will take to get him to start wedding preparations, how long it will take for him to see your parents, to take you to his parents or meet your friends and have you meet his friends. I know there are men like this, but are you ready to spend the rest of your life making excuses for your spouse to your family, friends, etc. think hard about this. Three years is enough for you to know what your marriage will be like.

To be fair, he seems ready just that you understand the state of the nation as it is. There were times, several times I threatened to walk out but it's all to make him be on his toes. It didn't work. I still find myself coming back. But I'm currently fed up and deeply frustrated.Im having this guilt already because it seems I may be liking someone else. Why I'm a bit scared is, I don't know if it's because I am lonely and depressed or just a natural thing?

Amaraokafor:


The financial issues is not hard enough to stop a visit.Believe me the distance as it is today is Same amount with braiding a hair in a local saloon

oh my God

eniolaamos7:





please ma.

what does your would-be husband do for a living?
from the conversations I have read , it seems to be your husband is always too occupied with his job

The kind of job he does gives him so much time. Trust me. He works for nobody.

My dear i hardly comment here.. Buh i hv ds advice for u.. Run for ur life.. D guy z unserious . Me hv a babe too dati kept in anoda state always assuring her, bt deep down i knw m saving her for quuckie weneva i visit d town she is. So forget dat guy nd gv a more serious guy a chance.

Amaraokafor:
Good morning nairalanders. Forgive my blunders if you find any.

I need a candid advice for a decision in life I'm about to make. I have been dating this guy for three years now and even if we like each other, I'm beginning to realize that I'm getting tired of the relationship.

I come from a family of three girls and four boys. My elder sister is married as well as my younger sister.I'm the one left hanging in the air. I'm not a desperate lady, but recently I'm beginning to realize that feigning ignorance to this particular issue is beginning to take its toll on me.

I'm in a LDR that has seen little or no results for the past three years. Although there's a reasonable online contact, but physical presence is like a war. Sometimes I don't get to see him for months.The thing again is I'm chasing other guys away from me. Kept saying I'm taken but it's like I'm deceiving myself. I'm tired. I've tried to let go several times but couldn't just bring myself to do it.


Recently another guy came into my life and he seems really nice.He asked me out for a lunch date but I've been mute. I don't want to double date and my present relationship is beginning to make me deeply sad. I like my present man but the relationship is so dull. It's too empty. There are no memories. It's like Im not even in a relationship to start with. Apart from the fact we profess love to each other, I think it's the most dull and under performing relationship ever.He is responsible and cool headed, but the way he handles our relationship leaves me completely empty, extremely sad and hopeless.

I want to date again, but it's like I need a push. I have this ugly reputation for overstreching patience. This suffering inside and smiling outside syndrome. So people don't get to know how extremely sad I'm until I open up. I'm extremely sad.


Talk to me.
I will listen.

sorry if I am late but lemme say my own.

If you can't endure your partners imperfections now how will you endure it when you are fully married? Marriage is full of ups and downs and your bf is just showing you a glimpse of the expectations in marriage. Infact, he is showing you how a true relationship truly is . and that is, it is not really rosy. It is a rose surrounded by thorns.

Pls accept the challenge and never you use because of distance or any petty excuse to dump him. That new guy may be all that now but most men always have their bag of tricks rolled up in their sleevs . learn to relax. Breathe in and hold on your guy for now. At least until u have a real reason to quit. But until then, you can use d new guy to cure cold and oil engine but never you dump your cool guy. Building is harder than destroying . keep building what u have dear. But still keep your cards open to friendships and good relationships. U don't know who ur future husband may be. Only God.

Hey sis,
Just tell your boyfriend /fiance that you are done with him. Please dont make your life a gamble o. This dude might even be hatching other plans with someone else. I may be wrong but like someone said; time waits for no man.

Isaacmacdon:
Discuss! Discuss! Discuss! He seems like the guy is cool-headed. My dear, you have a duty to take this guy off that cool plain.

You keep saying you've done everything to make him come out alive, but you didn't specifically state what exactly you did. You then made mention of another guy in your life, obviously, it's either you've started cheating on your bf with that guy or you're looking for a means to cheat.

A lady who is really serious about her relationship mustn't let anything come in between. Until we tend to accept other people's differences in attitude and behavior, we may never change them into what we wish they could be.

You've started comparing him with other guys, when you're not sure if those guys would eventually give you what you want.

Stop being selfish! You're only concerned about your own personal pleasure; think about the other person. Think of ways to make him want you.

My two cents.

Thanks but let me be clear.
I want to see my man, please can you bring him to me?
When is it a crime to see someone that's planning to marry me. You claim is because of the other guy, OK! That other guy should go his way. Where is my own man? Can you bring him to me?

humblenature:
sorry if I am late but lemme say my own.

If you can't endure your partners imperfections now how will you endure it when you are fully married? Marriage is full of ups and downs and your bf is just showing you a glimpse of the expectations in marriage. Infact, he is showing you how a true relationship truly is . and that is, it is not really rosy. It is a rose surrounded by thorns.

Pls accept the challenge and never you use because of distance or any petty excuse to dump him. That new guy may be all that now but most men always have their bag of tricks rolled up in their sleevs . learn to relax. Breathe in and hold on your guy for now. At least until u have a real reason to quit. But until then, you can use d new guy to cure cold and oil engine but never you dump your cool guy. Building is harder than destroying . keep building what u have dear. But still keep your cards open to friendships and good relationships. U don't know who ur future husband may be. Only God.

I don't want to cure cold and engine. I can't double date. I'm past that already. I don't want the headache. I know marriage is not rosy. But two heads is better than one and I'm not OK with this feeling of loneliness and confusion.

Amaraokafor:


Thanks.
I have tried to make a move to establish physical contacts in his stead, but it's been met with several blockages from his end. When I try to create such Avenue to go out, he keeps postponing it. It's either he complains he is sick and can't make it or he attributes it to a busy schedule that can take a whole week. Even after the busy schedule I'd expect him to say "let's do it now I've the chance"but nothing comes out of it. If I try to instigate it again, he accepts but makes no move at all. It's funny because it's like a prank.

boring,dumb d guy & move on with ur life but i hope u are not desperate about marriage, just pray & hope for d best in dat angle

Amaraokafor:


Thanks but let me be clear.
I want to see my man, please can you bring him to me?
When is it a crime to see someone that's planning to marry me. You claim is because of the other guy, OK! That other guy should go his way. Where is my own man? Can you bring him to me?

If he doesn't want to come to you, then you should go. Either the mountain or Mohammed one must respond.
I have a question for you, as it ever been like this from the beginning. Were you staying in the same state before or one of you relocated?

Amaraokafor date this new guy and break off with the old guy!
You are not happy, what are you still doing there??

cCation:

If he doesn't want to come to you, then you should go. Either the mountain or Mohammed one must respond.
I have a question for you, as it ever been like this from the beginning. Were you staying in the same state before or one of you relocated?

It has always been like this.
I initiated to see several times. But at the dying minute he give excuses that will eventually scatter the whole thing.

D guy may be a ghost

Wtf!!! marriage is not a rosy bed but if u feel marriage is to be endured,u need to see a doc

Amaraokafor:


Thanks but let me be clear.
I want to see my man, please can you bring him to me?
When is it a crime to see someone that's planning to marry me. You claim is because of the other guy, OK! That other guy should go his way. Where is my own man? Can you bring him to me?

for the first time in 25 years, your post, i mean this quote comment made me cry. **i want to see my man, please can u bring him for me?** please dnt make me cry please.

Amaraokafor:


Thanks but it's not like that at all sir!
I have not had any physical contact with the other guy longer than few minutes.
I wasn't at all interested until I begin to feel loneliness overwhelmed me all over again. I be been lonely for a long time now. I hardly see my man. My man remains the last person to touch me intimately for a long time and still is. But I'm tired of the loneliness.

I have made my grievances known. Seems he is taking my loneliness for granted. I'm exhausted with talking about it.

I strongly doubt your sincerity

You have absolved yourself totally of any wrong doing and have gone to lengths to paint your fiancee of 3 years as inactive, unwilling to make it work, uncaring and unconcerned?

I find these things consistent with pathological liars when they are trying to deflect attention from someone obvious flaw in their character

It takes two to make a relationship end or work , now you have gone to lengths to tells us how he has not done or tried to do anything to make this work, and how you have tried constantly but yet he doesn't meet you half way.

It took you 3 years to get to this point ? Something doesn't add up .

There's alot more to this story if at all it isn't made up

He works he is busy from what I can deduce from your comments ? Are you employed?

He seems like an introvert and a private person while you sound like an extrovert who likes the lights and sounds , loud music and crowds ?

I am an introvert and he sounds normal to me.but to a club hopper who has to go out every night he will seem like a boring person, and a relationship between a club hopper and an introvert will.wuickly get dull
That is an example but like I said I strongly doubt your sincerely due to how you went over and above to.paint him as being the cause of your pain .. no one.does that to someone they love sincerely

You didn't even try to paint him as caring not once you just tried at every point to paint him as an uncaring inactive douche bag. I think you are an emotionally manipulative person who is extremely self absorbed

If I know him I would tell him to dump you

You claimed you moved closer , you claimed you reach out and he doesn't respond as.you want you claim you sit and talk yet he doesn't tr
You said I so many times it's clear.your world revolves around you

You are needy and insecure , you seek validation and will wuicky grow tired of commitment ...

Have you heard of women who wake.up after 15 years of marriage and 4 kids and suddenly pack their bags and leave the husband for another man saying he made her feel young again without thinking how it affects their kids ? Yep that sounds like what you would fo

What you seek no man can give you, you will.always feel misunderstood and constantly seek something new

The issue isn't with this man it's with you

If he was so bad you stuck with him for 3 years ? As restless as you sound ? I doubt it

Oome tell us the truth what changed ? Did he loose his job and money and you want to follow a Yahoo boy ,?

Listen young lady you know what you want to do stop playing games

Amaraokafor:


The financial issues is not hard enough to stop a visit.Believe me the distance as it is today is Same amount with braiding a hair in a local saloon

And when you arrive, will you not eat, visit places, buy some new stuff for yourselves? Will you not like he gives you a bit more for the transport and pocket money when you're about to leave?

I'm sure these cost more than braiding hair in a local saloon, but if you don't mind the above make it clear to him before you visit. Let him know you only want to spend a few days with him

Lakeside79:


I strongly doubt your sincerity

You have absolved yourself totally of any wrong doing and have gone to lengths to paint your fiancee of 3 years as inactive, unwilling to make it work, uncaring and unconcerned?

I find these things consistent with pathological liars when they are trying to deflect attention from someone obvious flaw in their character

It takes two to make a relationship end or work , now you have gone to lengths to tells us how he has not done or tried to do anything to make this work, and how you have tried constantly but yet he doesn't meet you half way.

It took you 3 years to get to this point ? Something doesn't add up .

There's alot more to this story if at all it isn't made up

He works he is busy from what I can deduce from your comments ? Are you employed?

He seems like an introvert and a private person while you sound like an extrovert who likes the lights and sounds , loud music and crowds ?

I am an introvert and he sounds normal to me.but to a club hopper who has to go out every night he will seem like a boring person, and a relationship between a club hopper and an introvert will.wuickly get dull
That is an example but like I said I strongly doubt your sincerely due to how you went over and above to.paint him as being the cause of your pain .. no one.does that to someone they love sincerely

You didn't even try to paint him as caring not once you just tried at every point to paint him as an uncaring inactive douche bag. I think you are an emotionally manipulative person who is extremely self absorbed

If I know him I would tell him to dump you

You claimed you moved closer , you claimed you reach out and he doesn't respond as.you want you claim you sit and talk yet he doesn't tr
You said I so many times it's clear.your world revolves around you

You are needy and insecure , you seek validation and will wuicky grow tired of commitment ...

Have you heard of women who wake.up after 15 years of marriage and 4 kids and suddenly pack their bags and leave the husband for another man saying he made her feel young again without thinking how it affects their kids ? Yep that sounds like what you would fo

What you seek no man can give you, you will.always feel misunderstood and constantly seek something new

The issue isn't with this man it's with you

If he was so bad you stuck with him for 3 years ? As restless as you sound ? I doubt it

Oome tell us the truth what changed ? Did he loose his job and money and you want to follow a Yahoo boy ,?

Listen young lady you know what you want to do stop playing games

I never said he is bad. You seem not to get me.
Do I want to marry him? Yes!
Do I love him? Yes!
Do I cheat on him? No!
Do I prefer him?Yes!

Then what's the problem?

I want to be able to see my man.

He is cool, no doubt. But make I dey see am na. If he wants to dump me,its going to be sad but it's better. Al least I know where I stand.

Amaraokafor:


I'm not desperate o. If I don't get "hellod "by guys that should call for worries and lead to desperation to get married at all means. I love this my man. I want to marry him. I know he has money issues. But, I want to be seeing him. But it's not happening. I be tried to make several steps towards that but met several stumbling blocks. I'm completely exhausted.

Amaraokafor:


I'm not desperate o. If I don't get "hellod "by guys that should call for worries and lead to desperation to get married at all means. I love this my man. I want to marry him. I know he has money issues. But, I want to be seeing him. But it's not happening. I be tried to make several steps towards that but met several stumbling blocks. I'm completely exhausted.

Did u 2 meet online?

Amaraokafor:


It has always been like this.
I initiated to see several times. But at the dying minute he give excuses that will eventually scatter the whole thing.

I can see you love this Guy/Man, and relationship is worth fighting for. Talk to any of his friends about it. Am sure you should one of at least one. Organise a meeting in His house and talk things over. Seriously no one can tell you what to do, but only you by yourself. My advice, * Don't allow pride and annoyance to set in. Talk to your Man. Forget people saying 3years is too much. Some of them are experiencing Abuse from their partner. Thank God he is not a man that beats you.

Amaraokafor:


Calm down.
I'm naturally a sociable person, he is not. He has no friends and don't hang out. When I try to instigate such, he seems cool but when it's time to take such actions he just doesn't bring himself to do it. Again Oga, no be person wet you see you go go out with? Even when I volunteer to see him, he just gives excuses.I have sat down to think where the problem is coming from and still I don't seem to understand.

This one is serious o

He has no friends and don't hang out.

Sit him down and talk to him, if you can, shake his mind that you'll quit the relationship if he doesn't disclose the problems. if he truly loves you he will cooperate

greyham:


And when you arrive, will you not eat, visit places, buy some new stuff for yourselves? Will you not like he gives you a bit more for the transport and pocket money when you're about to leave?

I'm sure these cost more than braiding hair in a local saloon, but if you don't mind the above make it clear to him before you visit. Let him know you only want to spend a few days with him

Not at all.
If I ask for money he will send, but to see na WW4!!!
DO you now see where my problem lies?

Amaraokafor:


I don't want to cure cold and engine. I can't double date. I'm past that already. I don't want the headache. I know marriage is not rosy. But two heads is better than one and I'm not OK with this feeling of loneliness and confusion.

listen carefully. Don't listen to that angry voice in your heart. I know how it feels. Don't scatter anything you have taken time to build. Another woman will fix it and enjoy it. Instead, allow it to self destruct or rejuvenate itself. U r a builder. The same relationship u want to start now do u know what d future holds for it? I am telepathic and reading ur words alone tells me are forcing itself to be what u r not. Pls don't listen to it. Patience does not have an expiring date. That's why it's called patience. Have patience . don't leave ur present guy for a new guy.

Conclusively, I put it to you that your decision u r trying to make is not rational because it is the presence of this new guy that is giving u the courage to do this. It will be rational if you do it when there is no other option(new guy) around then u will see that u will make a wiser decision.

humblenature:
sorry if I am late but lemme say my own.

If you can't endure your partners imperfections now how will you endure it when you are fully married? Marriage is full of ups and downs and your bf is just showing you a glimpse of the expectations in marriage. Infact, he is showing you how a true relationship truly is . and that is, it is not really rosy. It is a rose surrounded by thorns.

Pls accept the challenge and never you use because of distance or any petty excuse to dump him. That new guy may be all that now but most men always have their bag of tricks rolled up in their sleevs . learn to relax. Breathe in and hold on your guy for now. At least until u have a real reason to quit. But until then, you can use d new guy to cure cold and oil engine but never you dump your cool guy. Building is harder than destroying . keep building what u have dear. But still keep your cards open to friendships and good relationships. U don't know who ur future husband may be. Only God.

Cure cold and oil engine? so you're encouraging her to sleep with the new guy?

Just go abeg

ladygudhead:
Did u 2 meet online?

No.

Amaraokafor:


Calm down.
I'm naturally a sociable person, he is not. He has no friends and don't hang out. When I try to instigate such, he seems cool but when it's time to take such actions he just doesn't bring himself to do it. Again Oga, no be person wet you see you go go out with? Even when I volunteer to see him, he just gives excuses.I have sat down to think where the problem is coming from and still I don't seem to understand.

Amara,first this your guy does he cheat?secondly does he reside were you reside as in the same state?am feeling everything about him is nice except the fact that he doesnt talk and not too out-going, but since you love him so why dont you make him the husband you want,just saying tho.