First of it all, I appreciate mrphysics for the contribution, s/he brought physics to the issues at hand.

Amaraokafor:


The financial issues is not hard enough to stop a visit. Believe me the distance as it is today is Same amount with braiding a hair in a local saloon

Check out the bold statement of yours, you are very expensive that is why you see your "smart, intelligent and calculative" LDR boy friend suffering you in the relationship as shown in your quote below. But now you have seen a non-LDR that fit into your profile of extravagant life, hence, the new feeling.

Amaraokafor:


I think this is it!

This is exactly how he is. It's suffered me enough, can't bear it any longer.

Look dear, you and your LDR love each other but with different opposing social personality majorly based on management of finance. The cost of hosting you when you come to visit him, considering your expensive lifestyle, maybe too high compare to some important life needs. I have a friend, he will said "why spending over 120k for fun while I can change someone entire life with N100k".

It is high time you check yourself, adjust and prioritized according to you LDR boyfriend, only if you see reasons with him. The "spice up" the relationship things, how much will it cost N20k, N60k, N150k per outing? If he can buy you a new phone instead of getting battery of N4,500 tells you (1) he value the relationship communication and (2) he can spent high on anything he put value into.

My advice is for you to check yourself in terms of social life/orientation and lifestyle, can you adjust yours to the level of your LDR boyfriend without hurting yourself emotionally? If yes, do and continue with the LDR relationship, if no, please, please and please put a formal breakup into your current relationship.

As for those new guys, most especially the latest guy be careful and study all men CRITICALLY well before marriage thing but don't break up your current relationship because of a new guy you just met.

I guess you already got enough advice here... I sent u a mail before I read through to last page. I had a couple of things to tell you. Pls kindly ignore the mail

Bigsteveg:

Like i said speak for your household alone and stop using your family to judge others

The message already delivered and understood by reasonable people.

Boyooosa:

Sorry, can I ask u some personal questions?

OK.

VcStunner:
I guess you already got enough advice here... I sent u a mail before I read through to last page. I had a couple of things to tell you. Pls kindly ignore the mail

Sorry did not get the mail on time. Thanks

TGM2015:
First of it all, I appreciate mrphysics for the contribution, s/he brought physics to the issues at hand.


Check out the bold statement of yours, you are very expensive that is why you see your "smart, intelligent and calculative" LDR boy friend suffering you in the relationship as shown in your quote below. But now you have seen a non-LDR that fit into your profile of extravagant life, hence, the new feeling.


Look dear, you and your LDR love each other but with different opposing social personality majorly based on management of finance. The cost of hosting you when you come to visit him, considering your expensive lifestyle, maybe too high compare to some important life needs. I have a friend, he will said "why spending over 120k for fun while I can change someone entire life with N100k".

It is high time you check yourself, adjust and prioritized according to you LDR boyfriend, only if you see reasons with him. The "spice up" the relationship things, how much will it cost N20k, N60k, N150k per outing? If he can buy you a new phone instead of getting battery of N4,500 tells you (1) he value the relationship communication and (2) he can spent high on anything he put value into.

My advice is for you to check yourself in terms of social life/orientation and lifestyle, can you adjust yours to the level of your LDR boyfriend without hurting yourself emotionally? If yes, do and continue with the LDR relationship, if no, please, please and please put a formal breakup into your current relationship.

As for those new guys, most especially the latest guy be careful and study all men CRITICALLY well before marriage thing but don't break up your current relationship because of a new guy you just met.

Lol. You got it all wrong. You are calling monies that is not even the issue here at alllllll. You're going to far with what the issues is 20k,60k,100k?This are huge amount of course but although I'm not known to poverty, I'm that lady that says, "All high na high, weda Hennessy or Alomo "

The issue here is I Dont see this guy like I need to. Apart from the calls which I'm obviously tired of already, it's gotten to a point where I need his physical attention especially now that distance is no longer a barrier. But what I get is excuses upon excuses.

Again who ask him to spend money on eateries? At my age sef I don't like those artificial places. I'm local to the core. Few wraps of amala and I'm OK. What's my business with eateries?

Amaraokafor:

Thank you. Wish your marriage more love.

You're welcome dear. From your original post, you come across like a good woman. I pray you get a good man who's going to be deserving of you.

Hemanwel:
You're welcome dear. From your original post, you come across like a good woman. I pray you get a good man who's going to be deserving of you.

I have my flaws. But I'm aspiring to be better.

Amaraokafor:


Lol. You got it all wrong. You are calling monies that is not even the issue here at alllllll. You're going to far with what the issues is 20k,60k,100k?This are huge amount of course but although I'm not known to poverty, I'm that lady that says, "All high na high, weda Hennessy or Alomo "

The issue here is I Dont see this guy like I need to. Apart from the calls which I'm obviously tired of already, it's gotten to a point where I need his physical attention especially now that distance is no longer a barrier. But what I get is excuses upon excuses.

Again who ask him to spend money on eateries? At my age sef I don't like those artificial places. I'm local to the core. Few wraps of amala and I'm OK. What's my business with eateries?

Okay, you have your choices, choose the best and be happy with it.

Best of lucks.

Amaraokafor:


Calm down.
I'm naturally a sociable person, he is not. He has no friends and don't hang out.Because of his introverted attitude, I'd like to say I now find loud places irritating and it's OK. I love the change BUT, I also want us(as lovers) to have our moments, doesn't matter where, how cheap and how unexclusive. When I try to instigate such, he seems cool but when it's time to take such actions he just doesn't bring himself to do it. Again Oga, no be person wet you see you go go out with? Even when I volunteer to see him, he just gives excuses.I have sat down to think where the problem is coming from and still I don't seem to understand.

If you love your life, just move on!
That guy is not interested in you! I mean, he is not in love with you. Maybe, he's been hanging on with the hope of developing some feelings for you but to no avail. That explains his reluctance to spice up the relationship. A guy who genuinely loves you will do anything for your happiness! If you don't move on now, that guy would continue to deceive you until the day he finds the kind of lady he desires, then he'll dump you and you'll start hating on innocent men. Never mind the "I love you" texts you might be getting from him, they are all fake!

Move on lady!

Amaraokafor:


We are presently in same state. He talks a lot but more observant. He is an introvert. But I also noticed he is deeply for calculating... He has explanations to everything because he tackles all corners just in case. So such a person knows what he is doing but one may not know it.

You have said a lot about him, but the bold sentence is everything you need to know about him.


That guy doesn't go after other women, so be patient with him. All I can say is be patient with him.

Amaraokafor:


Lol. You got it all wrong. You are calling monies that is not even the issue here at alllllll. You're going to far with what the issues is 20k,60k,100k?This are huge amount of course but although I'm not known to poverty, I'm that lady that says, "All high na high, weda Hennessy or Alomo "

The issue here is I Dont see this guy like I need to. Apart from the calls which I'm obviously tired of already, it's gotten to a point where I need his physical attention especially now that distance is no longer a barrier. But what I get is excuses upon excuses.

Again who ask him to spend money on eateries? At my age sef I don't like those artificial places. I'm local to the core. Few wraps of amala and I'm OK. What's my business with eateries?

His problem isn't all that money. He can spend any amount on you. That guy is hustling. His second name is hustler. He hasn't seen him self at that stage where he will give much time to romance. He is everything a man is but then he is hustling.

Even if you are with him, when work calls, he will leave you and face work. Your work is getting him back to relationship. He needs to know it's not all about work. Teach him to give time and value to people.

mrphysics:

His problem isn't all that money. He can spend any amount on you. That guy is hustling. His second name is hustler. He hasn't seen him self at that stage where he will give much time to romance. He is everything a man is but then he is hustling.

Even if you are with him, when work calls, he will leave you and face work. Your work is getting him back to relationship. He needs to know it's not all about work. Teach him to give time and value to people.

He doesn't hustle everyday. No matter how a man hustle will it be that bad not to see his, woman for 8weeks?not even an hour spared?

Hmmm. I read your story and I have been following the comments (abi na analysis from the intelligent guys here). So make I add my own:
1. I agree with those that say the guy does not love you as much as you love him.
2. I seem to agree that if he is married, he may have one or two persons distracting him or that occupies the space. Maybe that is why he does not want you visiting.
3. Me I dated my wife for about 9 years - from when I was in my university days or so till I finished school, service, then come dey hustle for work. We were in different states. Sometimes I no get bread (money) to go see her. But she will always try to come see me. Ask me wetin we dey do wen we see sef? Only kiss and smooch, no sex! Yes oh, no sex. So I married her a virgin.
4. The point I am making is every relationship has it own challenges and expectations. It's not easy though. In my case it was fun. That time sef no GSM phone na .
5. My advice, I suggest you see him or him to see you. Important thing is that you guys should meet (even if you no sleep for him house ) and discuss......lay the cards down. From there a mature lady will be able to tell one a guy is serious or not.
6. Above all my sister, pray, pray and pray to God to guide you, to reveal the hidden secrets to you. Don't rely on only your sense.

mrphysics:


You have said a lot about him, but the bold sentence is everything you need to know about him.


That guy doesn't go after other women, so be patient with him. All I can say is be patient with him.

Hmm. Sincerely I've no strength anymore for patience. It would have been easier if I get to see who I should exercise patience for. Thanks you sir.

Style007:
[/color]Hello Amaraokafor. i was about typing exactly something like this till i saw this exact comment. i will advice you tell your man you want to visit him maybe this week. if he ever comes up with another excuse again. use whatever reason you think will make him accept (he should not worry that you will take care of yourself financially if you come)

if you ever go. after relaxation and everything. speak to your man. remind him how long you both has been together and all and that this one time you need him to honestly explain to you why he always come up with excuses when it's time for both of you to see.
remember if ask in an understanding way the more chances therein he will tell you the truth.

if after every discussion the reason is not MONEY or any other VERY GOOD reason. then my dear i beg you to break up with this guy without looking back.

but, if it's about about financial strain (money) then i think at this age you know what you want for yourself. you know if you can wait or move on.

i read everything you posted here and have understood you are a very understanding lady whose only problem is wanting to is to have her man more closer. and i dare say you mean well..

NOTE 1 if you break up with him without getting to know reasons behind his actions. in my oppinion i will say you will be very very wrong

NOTE 2 their are much more a man thinks of everyday that a even a very understanding lady IF NOT TOLD, will never understand

[color=#770077]

Thanks. I will do as you have said. Thanks

Amaraokafor:


He doesn't hustle everyday. No matter how a man hustle will it be that bad not to see his, woman for 8weeks?not even an hour spared?

It seems your mind is made up already like I said in my first post. In that case, move on.

Let me ask; when you tell him you want to visit, what's his excuse?

mrphysics:


It seems your mind is made up already like I said in my first post. In that case, move on.

Let me ask; when you tell him you want to visit, what's his excuse?

Excuses known so far
"I'm not sure I will be around let me check... "
"I will take my vehicle to mechanic that time.... "
"There are documents I need to submit, let me get back to you ..."
"I'm going through some spiritual matter.... "
"OK.... but let's see tomorrow or next, infact I will get back to you on that"


Or he changes the subject by cracking jokes.

From your last reply to @mrphysics, I have only 3 things to tell you

It's either your guy is married where he is
He has someone else he is seeing in his location
He is not into you but just wasting your time

Open your eyes and don't be deceived and as your mum has rightly said, time waits for no one

ENOUGH SAID

Ikem11:

The message already delivered and understood by reasonable people.

Good for u

Amaraokafor:


Thanks. I will do as you have said. Thanks

Welcome
please since you want to settle down with him. i think it will also be wise if you ask him things like.

1. what he wants for the both of you

2. if he plans to settle down anytime soon

discuss with him your fears. tell him about men you have rejected because you really love him just everything

after everything i believe from the discussions you will know what he really wants from you.. please if he does not have anything for you, i advice you move on without looking back


peace

Amara na eri Amala.... The story doesn't look real but maybe.


I did ask you,
Have you complained to your family and his family about your worries? If they all know you both want to marry.

Does your man or both of you enjoy intimacy anytime you both are together? Doing it and enjoying it are not the same.
There must be a reason for him not wanting to be with you always.

One of my good friend avoided his girl for 1 year bc the girl asked him to get her pregnant since most times the guy always move from one state to another for work, the girl said she was afraid the guy might impregnate another woman and hurt her.
The guy got angry, avoided her for 1 year and finally married her.

So I ask you, Did you in any way put pressure on him?
He don't want to lose you but he is thinking more on the future after marriage.
Another thing is... Always support him and do not make him feel he is always wrong.

I also will love to read more of why you love your man, he is caring, he loves you a lot, he is good and all that.

Have you visited him before without his approval? If not, Why?
Are you saying you can not visit your man or go to his house even when he is not around?
I know most girls in love will even go to sleep in your house when you are not even around.

If you are planning to marry and your families are aware, then you are not doing it the mature and responsible way.

Unless it's the usual boyfriend and girlfriend.

Amaraokafor:


OK.

Fine, do u know his source of income? How much do u think he earns monthly? You mentioned that he sends money to you occasionally, like how much is the biggest shot and how often?
Do you personally have a reliable source of income or probably, are your FAM relatively rich?
If u respond to all these questions sincerely, I will help u solve part of your worries. Mind u, ain't a pastor nor a marriage counsellor, rather will use experience and street knowledge to help u out.

TheeDetective:
From your last reply to @mrphysics, I have only 3 things to tell you

It's either your guy is married where he is
He has someone else he is seeing in his location
He is not into you but just wasting your time

Open your eyes and don't be deceived and as your mum has rightly said, time waits for no one

ENOUGH SAID

Amaraokafor

Listen to this please.

Boyooosa:

Fine, do u know his source of income? How much do u think he earns monthly? You mentioned that he sends money to you occasionally, like how much is the biggest shot and how often?
Do you personally have a reliable source of income or probably, are your FAM relatively rich?
If u respond to all these questions sincerely, I will help u solve part of your worries. Mind aiint a pastor nor a marriage counsellor, rather will use experience and street knowledge to help u out.

He is a hustler. Although money had been issues.
Myself I lost my job and family is OK.I m not comfortable with the kinds of jobs being offered. Family is relatively OK and ready to financially set me up to start business. I'm more business oriented. But I noticed they want to give it to me after marriage....

innobarca:
Amara na eri Amala.... The story doesn't look real but maybe.


I did ask you,
Have you complained to your family and his family about your worries? If they all know you both want to marry.

Does your man or both of you enjoy intimacy anytime you both are together? Doing it and enjoying it are not the same.
There must be a reason for him not wanting to be with you always.

One of my good friend avoided his girl for 1 year bc the girl asked him to get her pregnant since most times the guy always move from one state to another for work, the girl said she was afraid the guy might impregnate another woman and hurt her.
The guy got angry, avoided her for 1 year and finally married her.

So I ask you, Did you in any way put pressure on him?
He don't want to lose you but he is thinking more on the future after marriage.
Another thing is... Always support him and do not make him feel he is always wrong.

I also will love to read more of why you love your man, he is caring, he loves you a lot, he is good and all that.

Have you visited him before without his approval? If not, Why?
Are you saying you can not visit your man or go to his house even when he is not around?
I know most girls in love will even go to sleep in your house when you are not even around.

If you are planning to marry and your families are aware, then you are not doing it the mature and responsible way.

Unless it's the usual boyfriend and girlfriend.

None of the above. I'm not understanding just the way some of you may not understand. Right from the onset we talk but rarely see. There's a change of location now, same thing still happening. I m tired.

Amaraokafor:


Not at all.
If I ask for money he will send, but to see na WW4!!!
DO you now see where my problem lies?

Hi Amara, this caught my attention though I have been reading comments. Please do not leave your man for another person, I have seen he loves you so much but he is currently facing a lot probably his finance or he's working on something that doesn't need distraction. As a man, Sometimes you will just like to be on your own while working on your future, it happens to me too, your man is currently working on how to secure a better future for you both but you will not understand it. Please sister, don't loose your man because of this little thing instead sit down with him and tell him how you have been trying to cope if possible call any of his friends and explain all to him.

Amaraokafor:
Good morning nairalanders. Forgive my blunders if you find any.

I need a candid advice for a decision in life I'm about to make. I have been dating this guy for three years now and even if we like each other, I'm beginning to realize that I'm getting tired of the relationship.

I come from a family of three girls and four boys. My elder sister is married as well as my younger sister.I'm the one left hanging in the air. I'm not a desperate lady, but recently I'm beginning to realize that feigning ignorance to this particular issue is beginning to take its toll on me.

I'm in a LDR that has seen little or no results for the past three years. Although there's a reasonable online contact, but physical presence is like a war. Sometimes I don't get to see him for months.The thing again is I'm chasing other guys away from me. Kept saying I'm taken but it's like I'm deceiving myself. I'm tired. I've tried to let go several times but couldn't just bring myself to do it.


Recently another guy came into my life and he seems really nice.He asked me out for a lunch date but I've been mute. I don't want to double date and my present relationship is beginning to make me deeply sad. I like my present man but the relationship is so dull. It's too empty. There are no memories. It's like Im not even in a relationship to start with. Apart from the fact we profess love to each other, I think it's the most dull and under performing relationship ever.He is responsible and cool headed, but the way he handles our relationship leaves me completely empty, extremely sad and hopeless.

I want to date again, but it's like I need a push. I have this ugly reputation for overstreching patience. This suffering inside and smiling outside syndrome. So people don't get to know how extremely sad I'm until I open up. I'm extremely sad.


Talk to me.
I will listen.

get him talk.. you guys need to define your relationship.

i'm in a along distance relationship too. we see only when i return from studies, but we chat and video call like everyday..



so babe, get him to define the relationship

Amaraokafor:


Excuses known so far
"I'm not sure I will be around let me check... "
"I will take my vehicle to mechanic that time.... "
"There are documents I need to submit, let me get back to you ..."
"I'm going through some spiritual matter.... "
"OK.... but let's see tomorrow or next, infact I will get back to you on that"


Or he changes the subject by cracking jokes.

Really gone thru tumour I think..

Amaraokafor:



It's normal for humans to be desperate to get happiness. As a young man yourself, if you are not desperate to make money and have a happy family, then there's something wrong somewhere. The thing is, one should not allow desperation to to block common sense.

Like I pointed earlier, I was never that kind of lady who is desperate. I only realize, of course with this present issue that I may just be wasting my time and removing other opportunities in my life. I'm not docile. I'm industrious and I want to be happy and have my own family BUT I'm also careful and that's why I'm seeking for advice despite several attempts to make my man sit up and at least establish as much physical contacts as possible so things can begin to take positive shape. As it is, I don't even know where I stand.

if u stand and keep watching ur whole productive love life would pass before ur very eyes so wisen up.....

Amaraokafor:


He is a hustler. Although money had been issues.
Myself I lost my job and family is OK.I m not comfortable with the kinds of jobs being offered. Family is relatively OK and ready to financially set me up to start business. I'm more business oriented. But I noticed they want to give it to me after marriage....

The distance BTW u guys?