Acecube:
So guys don't have emotion ?

Eluala:


If you don't want to join the statistics, run from this idiot as far away as you can. She has already started killing you. You are already having high blood pressure during courtship, what will happen when you are now married and real issues keep coming up? My brother you have been quite naive. LOVE WITH SENSE PLEASE SO THAT YOU WILL LIVE. I have been married for 14 years so trust me when I give you this advise.

Lalas247:

Because if you r getting advice from Random strangers a matter between you and a potential wife .. then you should get your head cheacked and examined .... the people he is asking do not know them on a personal level , actually don’t know what really happened just whatever bs both of them type is what we go by ...


So when ur parents argue or have a disagreement they go on Twitter and disgrace each other
We wonder why relationships don’t last long ........

Les:
Did she lie or did you lie or are you sure you're the one she's referring to?? Someone said she has 3sisters and you are saying she's has just 2, Wassup Na?

goldcrossxx:
Greetings All,

To all that followed and commented on the thread created by “amaraokafor”, i decided to create a new thread for this as per the advice of a Nairalander. The below is the thread link and also my response.

https://www.nairaland.com/4484675/should-continue-wait-date-another#67236204

I have been following this thread on proxy and never wanted to comment because, i don’t believe in seeking emotional advise from a Public forum due to the fact that many advisers may be underage, inexperienced and would advise you based on what they have read from one party.

The young lady in question comes from a family of 2 girls and 4 boys of which she’s the 1st daughter and the 2nd is as well single. The relationship is also not 3 yrs as she indicated but was suppose to be exactly 2 yrs on the 1st of May.

A new relationship is always very sweet but the challenges that will follow is what matters most because relationship itself is filled with uncertainties just the same way as life. The way a relationship is handled is what justifies what the outcome would be.

The lady in question is nice and as humans, we all have our flaws. Yes, i am a very quiet and reserved person that hardly go out so it’s safe to say that i am an introvert while she’s not that type. I won’t completely analyze everything and what caused it but i will try within my capacity to disclose some so that those that gave their one sided advise can rethink again.

I am not a married man, as a matter of principle and respect to whoever i am involved with, i don’t double date. My problem with the lady in question was bourne out of the fact that she was disrespectful to me several times, domineering, unstable in the relationship and sometimes blackmail me to achieve her desires and a lot more. Those were what caused our problems from the first few months of my involvement with her. Several reasons may have prompted her actions but i don’t see it as being enough for someone you genuinely love.

I told her from the 1st 3 months of knowing her that marriage is what i want and she agreed accordingly. She met with my family, i met with the parents and made my intentions known to them in less than a year of relationship commencement. In fact if not for the financial challenge due to wrong projection of business dealings, marriage would have happened 2 or 3 months after.

Before i met with her family, she ended the relationship twice and threatened that she will proceed with the next man available that love is not a criteria for her in marriage. After i met with her parents, she did same to the extent of giving me a deadline that if i don’t fulfill her rites, i should go my way which she executed her threats. I will be begging for her not to leave, the mother will beg, the father will also talk to calm her down, people from my side sef the same thing. I HAVE NEVER ENDED MY RELATIONSHIP WITH HER even when i had reasons to have done so but she has done so numerous times.

I later spoke with the Dad and told him that immediately finances arrive, i will come in to do the needful. The man told me no problem that he understands the economic situation and once i am ready, i should come in. But my woman was still not stable as it was one issue after another. The same woman that told me when love they sweet that, she would stand by me through thick and thin but when water pass garri, she said NO that it’s only in marriage.

Already people close to me that knew me and her already were concerned about her actions, the way she talks to me, etc and majority told me outrightly to withdraw. I never did but believed she was going to change. As a concerned man, i do sometimes meditate because no responsible man wants to end up with a woman that doesn’t respect her man and can easily be unpredictable in her actions.

I commend her though for her sacrifices. She rejected a guy that had cash, built house and was relatively very comfortable because i knew him. In fact, at a point it was like a competition and my blood pressure was affected when the guy was policing her bumper to bumper since they lived in the same state.

To cut the story short, after several happenings resulting to series of emotional injury, she apologized that she won’t disrespect me again and even knelt down when we finally met to beg and i accepted. Weeks later, she wanted us to meet but i wasn’t chanced to see her and told her i will let her know when i am free. During this time, i was observing her actions but she got upset and told me she doesn’t want the relationship.

I called to resolve the issue but she wasn’t forth coming. Relationship or marriage ooo she said she’s not doing again. I informed the parents and they said it’s not the first time that i should remain calm. I kept calling for resolution in the month of November, December(she only agreed to see me once and her actions weren’t the lady i used to know), January and February but still no show.

Note: Her words to me when she responded was that she can ONLY be my friend that if i don’t want friendship, i should go my way and if i continue to disturb, she will block me. Also note that my finances started picking up late last year and improved early this year to the glory of God.

I continued to beg through the mum till i stopped after realizing that it was stupid of me to have done so. Reason being that i won’t marry the mother and she as a matured lady has the final say to this. I am a principled man and she knows this because Rome wasn’t built in a day. But as a man, i cannot subject myself to all those shenanigans which has always being the problem from the onset. What you beg to enter, you beg to sustain.

So the relationship officially was 1 year and 6 months when she ended it. It was the aspect of reconciliation that kicked off just last month. So my people, even though me i dey sometimes hide inside my shell, i hardly go out at night and i also admit that i can stay for a while without seeing her, but the 4 months is not justified here. Is it not one that you have a relationship with that you can see?

My write up isn’t to castigate her person and it’s also never to praise myself. Seeking emotional advise on Nairaland isn’t my thing but i felt i should throw some light as this will also aid others that wishes to give advise before doing so.

Remain blessed all and excuse my typos.

CC: geniushawlah

Iamd18
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IamD18:
It's nice you as the man in question created this thread to clarify and seek for proper advice without condemning her but giving a balance details of what transpired between you both.

According to your thread and her thread, all I see in the said lady is DESPERATION , and as a result of that comes her disrespectfullness and nagging.

And one of worst thing that can happen to any man is to mingle with a desperate lady who isn't reserved and principled in her life.

I keep on saying this ; Women should channel and prioritize other positive things in their life apart from marriage , their craves and marriage achieving goals is now getting disgusted and irritating.

This said lady is ungrateful and not thankful to meet a man who didn't care to take advantage of her due to her desperation for marriage, she's so so lucky.

She sounds like a cheat according to your story with her threats to leave for another man, she MIGHT possibly be seeing another man but looking for an opportunity to opt out from your relationship with her because you aren't yet financially ready for marriage.


But with all due respect sir!

I simply do not think she worth a patient man like you, don't ever bother yourself for a woman who started a relationship with you with desperation to marry you, don't do that. Relationship should be all about courting and getting to know each other well before getting down for marriage, not an avenue to threaten and pressurize a partner for marriage.

It's obvious you love the lady, but one thing you must learn from me now is that A MAN CANNOT LOVE AND BE WISE AT THE SAME TIME , it can't happen.

She loves you, that's why she apologized to you and you love her, that's why you are tolerating her.

But the relationship goals of you both are different, she's desperate for marriage and you are desperate to make money before opting in for marriage.

My advise is this; Live and let her live, whatever will be MUST be

Focus on making a better end, financially and allow her focus on marriage elsewhere since she can't wait.

Bahddo:
I can totally relate. That's how my ex was, a nice girl but wrapped up in her own emotions and somewhat unstable. She said it was over up to 3 times, and when I don't say anything, she would pull the tears card. I finally got fed up and ended it. Mehn... Glad I've gone past all that nonsense..

These are warning signs. If you don't want to spend your marriage fighting and looking for ways to escape a marital nightmare, better let go now.

joeeee240:


YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND THE QUESTION I ASKED YOU. NEGATIVE ADVICE OR WHATEVER YOU CALL IT CAN BE GOTTEN BOTH ONLINE AND OFFLINE. IT IS THE INDIVIDUALS INVOLVED THAT TAKE THE BAD ADVICE THAT SHOULD BE BLAMED. YOU GUYS ARE JUST BEING SHALLOW WHEN YOU SAY SOCIAL MEDIA SPOILS RELATIONSHIPS.

IamD18:
It's nice you as the man in question created this thread to clarify and seek for proper advice without condemning her but giving a balance details of what transpired between you both.

According to your thread and her thread, all I see in the said lady is DESPERATION , and as a result of that comes her disrespectfullness and nagging.

And one of worst thing that can happen to any man is to mingle with a desperate lady who isn't reserved and principled in her life.

I keep on saying this ; Women should channel and prioritize other positive things in their life apart from marriage , their craves and marriage achieving goals is now getting disgusted and irritating.

This said lady is ungrateful and not thankful to meet a man who didn't care to take advantage of her due to her desperation for marriage, she's so so lucky.

She sounds like a cheat according to your story with her threats to leave for another man, she MIGHT possibly be seeing another man but looking for an opportunity to opt out from your relationship with her because you aren't yet financially ready for marriage.


But with all due respect sir!

I simply do not think she worth a patient man like you, don't ever bother yourself for a woman who started a relationship with you with desperation to marry you, don't do that. Relationship should be all about courting and getting to know each other well before getting down for marriage, not an avenue to threaten and pressurize a partner for marriage.

It's obvious you love the lady, but one thing you must learn from me now is that A MAN CANNOT LOVE AND BE WISE AT THE SAME TIME , it can't happen.

She loves you, that's why she apologized to you and you love her, that's why you are tolerating her.

But the relationship goals of you both are different, she's desperate for marriage and you are desperate to make money before opting in for marriage.

My advise is this; Live and let her live, whatever will be MUST be

Focus on making a better end, financially and allow her focus on marriage elsewhere since she can't wait.

Lalas247:


Imagine even if the lady use emotion Create nonsense thread the guy to follow ... tufiakwa ...
Real Men are hard to find these days just take Look at op ... smh
Exactly they should break up ..

biacan:
Don't you ever quote her again better be respectful

anonymuz:
I've been in this guy situation...it's so frustrating,to extent that you'll want to think you have a spiritual problem. Well,I moved with my life and very happy with myself even as I'm still single.

joeeee240:


SHUT UP YOU DAFT THING

TEYA:

So real women are allowed to use emotions to create thread but real men are not? See the way people were insulting the guy on the other thread and to think he is on nairaland reading it all, but just because he maturedly wrote to tell his side of the story means he is not a "real man"?

biacan:
[s]Never knew you can be this mannerless better take your stupidity elsewhere....smh[/s]