₦airaland Forum

Hmmmmm When you feel your own is worse
You go to NL and see a bigger problem.

OP I would advice you settle your issues outside NL.
Cos you would receive batching and insults from people that can not even wipe their bumbum properly talk less of being in a relationship.

But if I were you I'd take the FTC advice.

kimbraa:
I perfectly understand as what she wrote on her thread didn't correlate with what you just wrote. Now, creating a thread on nairaland to counter her seem to me like a case where couples wash their dirty linen in public. Even if you both make up, the scars caused by these events would still be there as humans don't forget that easily so it would've been best you hadn't create the thread.

On the contrary, I believe it was needful to have created the counter thread. Nobody is washing any dirty linen in public here because these people concerned are not posting in their offline identity. It is all anonymous. The OP just wanted a balanced view, had no original intention of making the thread. I read his comment and the advice that prompted the thread.

I will advice him to call his babe and sit her down and have a serious chat. Avoid involvement of parents, friends or other third parties. Make a decision of whether to go forward or to call it quits. Forget the advice here on Nairaland. What works for A might not work for B. You might end up in a blissful union with the said lady. Thank you!

This is the reason why a slowpoke has the guts to call us "Lazy"

Lalas247:
so proving his innocent instead of fixing things behind closed doors is better?
anyway its your choice if u feeling airing out dirty laundry online is better then do u ..

I tell you girl the op in question is just immature still can't believe he brought his relationship issues on social media

goldcrossxx:
Greetings All,

To all that followed and commented on the thread created by “amaraokafor”, i decided to create a new thread for this as per the advice of a Nairalander. The below is the thread link and also my response.

https://www.nairaland.com/4484675/should-continue-wait-date-another#67236204

I have been following this thread on proxy and never wanted to comment because, i don’t believe in seeking emotional advise from a Public forum due to the fact that many advisers may be underage, inexperienced and would advise you based on what they have read from one party.

The young lady in question comes from a family of 2 girls and 4 boys of which she’s the 1st daughter and the 2nd is as well single. The relationship is also not 3 yrs as she indicated but was suppose to be exactly 2 yrs on the 1st of May.

A new relationship is always very sweet but the challenges that will follow is what matters most because relationship itself is filled with uncertainties just the same way as life. The way a relationship is handled is what justifies what the outcome would be.

The lady in question is nice and as humans, we all have our flaws. Yes, i am a very quiet and reserved person that hardly go out so it’s safe to say that i am an introvert while she’s not that type. I won’t completely analyze everything and what caused it but i will try within my capacity to disclose some so that those that gave their one sided advise can rethink again.

I am not a married man, as a matter of principle and respect to whoever i am involved with, i don’t double date. My problem with the lady in question was bourne out of the fact that she was disrespectful to me several times, domineering, unstable in the relationship and sometimes blackmail me to achieve her desires and a lot more. Those were what caused our problems from the first few months of my involvement with her. Several reasons may have prompted her actions but i don’t see it as being enough for someone you genuinely love.

I told her from the 1st 3 months of knowing her that marriage is what i want and she agreed accordingly. She met with my family, i met with the parents and made my intentions known to them in less than a year of relationship commencement. In fact if not for the financial challenge due to wrong projection of business dealings, marriage would have happened 2 or 3 months after.

Before i met with her family, she ended the relationship twice and threatened that she will proceed with the next man available that love is not a criteria for her in marriage. After i met with her parents, she did same to the extent of giving me a deadline that if i don’t fulfill her rites, i should go my way which she executed her threats. I will be begging for her not to leave, the mother will beg, the father will also talk to calm her down, people from my side sef the same thing. I HAVE NEVER ENDED MY RELATIONSHIP WITH HER even when i had reasons to have done so but she has done so numerous times.

I later spoke with the Dad and told him that immediately finances arrive, i will come in to do the needful. The man told me no problem that he understands the economic situation and once i am ready, i should come in. But my woman was still not stable as it was one issue after another. The same woman that told me when love they sweet that, she would stand by me through thick and thin but when water pass garri, she said NO that it’s only in marriage.

Already people close to me that knew me and her already were concerned about her actions, the way she talks to me, etc and majority told me outrightly to withdraw. I never did but believed she was going to change. As a concerned man, i do sometimes meditate because no responsible man wants to end up with a woman that doesn’t respect her man and can easily be unpredictable in her actions.

I commend her though for her sacrifices. She rejected a guy that had cash, built house and was relatively very comfortable because i knew him. In fact, at a point it was like a competition and my blood pressure was affected when the guy was policing her bumper to bumper since they lived in the same state.

To cut the story short, after several happenings resulting to series of emotional injury, she apologized that she won’t disrespect me again and even knelt down when we finally met to beg and i accepted. Weeks later, she wanted us to meet but i wasn’t chanced to see her and told her i will let her know when i am free. During this time, i was observing her actions but she got upset and told me she doesn’t want the relationship.

I called to resolve the issue but she wasn’t forth coming. Relationship or marriage ooo she said she’s not doing again. I informed the parents and they said it’s not the first time that i should remain calm. I kept calling for resolution in the month of November, December(she only agreed to see me once and her actions weren’t the lady i used to know), January and February but still no show.

Note: Her words to me when she responded was that she can ONLY be my friend that if i don’t want friendship, i should go my way and if i continue to disturb, she will block me. Also note that my finances started picking up late last year and improved early this year to the glory of God.

I continued to beg through the mum till i stopped after realizing that it was stupid of me to have done so. Reason being that i won’t marry the mother and she as a matured lady has the final say to this. I am a principled man and she knows this because Rome wasn’t built in a day. But as a man, i cannot subject myself to all those shenanigans which has always being the problem from the onset. What you beg to enter, you beg to sustain.

So the relationship officially was 1 year and 6 months when she ended it. It was the aspect of reconciliation that kicked off just last month. So my people, even though me i dey sometimes hide inside my shell, i hardly go out at night and i also admit that i can stay for a while without seeing her, but the 4 months is not justified here. Is it not one that you have a relationship with that you can see?

My write up isn’t to castigate her person and it’s also never to praise myself. Seeking emotional advise on Nairaland isn’t my thing but i felt i should throw some light as this will also aid others that wishes to give advise before doing so.

Remain blessed all and excuse my typos.

CC: geniushawlah

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Awww... blowing kisses, he quoted me. You sound just like My Man ( I mean u talk like him) but amaraokafor u nor tell us all this part oo, u were acting as if the guy no send u at all but well, I understand that we as ladies sometimes need assurance from our spouse so please don't take it personal, I think u people should spend time to communicate and express your feelings to each other. Let go of the past and start afresh, u guys are meant for each other... aww, love is sweet oo

Yankiss:
On the contrary, I believe it was needful to have created the counter thread. Nobody is washing any dirty linen in public here because these people concerned are not posting in their offline identity. It is all anonymous. The OP just wanted a balanced view, had no original intention of making the thread. I read his comment and the advice that prompted the thread.

I will advice him to call his babe and sit her down and have a serious chat. Avoid involvement of parents, friends or other third parties. Make a decision of whether to go forward or to call it quits. Forget the advice here on Nairaland. What works for A might not work for B. You might end up in a blissful union with the said lady. Thank you!

YOU GET SENSE FOR THAT FIRST PART. NO MIND SOME UNINTELLIGENT CHILDREN ON NL

joeeee240:
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND THE QUESTION I ASKED YOU. NEGATIVE ADVICE OR WHATEVER YOU CALL IT CAN BE GOTTEN BOTH ONLINE AND OFFLINE. IT IS THE INDIVIDUALS INVOLVED THAT TAKE THE BAD ADVICE THAT SHOULD BE BLAMED. YOU GUYS ARE JUST BEING SHALLOW WHEN YOU SAY SOCIAL MEDIA SPOILS RELATIONSHIPS.

respect people opinion if op wasn't prepared to hear all sides he shouldn't create a topic.
nothing about shallow its called an opinion

u can't bend me into.taking ur flawed view dear .. if u don't lke my comment pls don't quote me next time

joeeee240:
SHUT UP

You're already a disgrace to your family that's why you brought your ignorance on a public forum.....

biacan:
I tell you girl the op in question is just immature still can't believe he brought his relationship issues on social media

only a kid will support such display from two adults .....
abeg leave that kd biko even the way he types know I'm humouring him.
I'm telling u when I saw the ladies thread I didn't even waste my energy .. I know she was being irrational .. then the man too come do another topic..

so if she does wrong he too should follow..

IamD18:
It's nice you as the man in question created this thread to clarify and seek for proper advice without condemning her but giving a balance details of what transpired between you both.

According to your thread and her thread, all I see in the said lady is DESPERATION , and as a result of that comes her disrespectfullness and nagging.

And one of worst thing that can happen to any man is to mingle with a desperate lady who isn't reserved and principled in her life.

I keep on saying this ; Women should channel and prioritize other positive things in their life apart from marriage , their craves and marriage achieving goals is now getting disgusted and irritating.

This said lady is ungrateful and not thankful to meet a man who didn't care to take advantage of her due to her desperation for marriage, she's so so lucky.

She sounds like a cheat according to your story with her threats to leave for another man, she MIGHT possibly be seeing another man but looking for an opportunity to opt out from your relationship with her because you aren't yet financially ready for marriage.


But with all due respect sir!

I simply do not think she worth a patient man like you, don't ever bother yourself for a woman who started a relationship with you with desperation to marry you, don't do that. Relationship should be all about courting and getting to know each other well before getting down for marriage, not an avenue to threaten and pressurize a partner for marriage.

It's obvious you love the lady, but one thing you must learn from me now is that A MAN CANNOT LOVE AND BE WISE AT THE SAME TIME , it can't happen.

She loves you, that's why she apologized to you and you love her, that's why you are tolerating her.

But the relationship goals of you both are different, she's desperate for marriage and you are desperate to make money before opting in for marriage.

My advise is this; Live and let her live, whatever will be MUST be

Focus on making a better end, financially and allow her focus on marriage elsewhere since she can't wait.

Sorry Mr. but you are totally wrong with your assumptions and conclusion on the woman being desperate... Did you not read the part WHERE SHE REFUSED A RICH MAN just because of Him.. Any desperate woman won't do that.

This two people love themselves.. THERE TWO MAJOR PROBLEMS are incompatibility and DISTANCE... She wants to see him more, do romantic things with him, go out with him among others. While he is an introvert and possibly a man who loves working more than anything..

The disrespect from the lady is coming from loneliness but most of us won't understand...

In conclusion: They both love themselves. If they can't bridge the distance or see more often then THEY SHOULD BOTH MOVE ON... The girl seems to have many admirers so she can move on and the Man can also look for introvert like him.. SIMPLE...

besides both told the story the way it will favour them.. This one two years, that one three years...

For a marriage to succeed you need a very solid foundation. A lot of couples especially women think that once they get married then that is it. Its like an achievement.
OP I think you and your lady should take the time ( only if you want to) to get to know each other properly without the drama to make sure you are very compactable if you want a very happy life together. Also its only both of you that know if you want to take your relationship further or not, no one can make that decision for you.

Lalas247:
respect people opinion if op wasn't prepared to hear all sides he shouldn't create a topic.
nothing about shallow its called an opinion

u can't bend me into.taking ur flawed view dear .. if u don't lke my comment pls don't quote me next time

AN OPINION CAN BE SHALLOW AND YOUR OPINION WAS FÛCKING SHALLOW. THIS IS HOW PEOPLE DECEIVE THEMSELVES. SO IT'S AN OPINION IT CAN'T BE NONSENSE. Y'ALL ARE JUST DUMB FOR THINKING LIKE THIS AND THEN MAKING IT WORSE BY JUSTIFYING IT WITH SOMETHING AS LAME AS "OPINION"

biacan:
She said she has three sisters including her that their elder sister is married remaining she and her younger sister....... looks like the guy is lying he's wasting her time and don't want to give others a chance to woe her...... amaka if you're reading this thread break up with him and give those guys that are ready for you a chance...... remember you're a lady don't ever trade your time with a man.......

People like this are the reason I don't take female advise, read their comments or respond to their comments on nairaland.

If you take girls advice here on nairaland, then be rest assured you are on the path of self destruction.

More reason why I need a baby mama. Too much drama.

biacan:
You're already a disgrace to your family that's why you brought your ignorance on a public forum.....

THE IGNORANT PERSON HERE IS YOUR DAFT SELF

Who do we believe now?

Lalas247:
so proving his innocent instead of fixing things behind closed doors is better?
anyway its your choice if u feeling airing out dirty laundry online is better then do u ..

They are no longer together. She ended the relationship and there is nothing to fix.

joeeee240:
THE IGNORANT PERSON HERE IS YOUR DAFT SELF

Go hide your head in shame boy you've been casted

Avedonn:
People like this are the reason I don't take female advise, read their comments or respond to their comments on nairaland.

If you take girls advice here on nairaland, then be rest assured you are on the path of self destruction.

And who is asking for your opinion

This is a sign that it won't work

This is a sign that it won't work.....

TEYA:
They are no longer together. She ended the relationship and there is nothing to fix.

oh OK ...
well its bound to happen...
hopefully they both learn from this ..

goldcrossxx:
I still get your point anyway but if you carefully analyze my message, i never castigated her and i still repeat, she’s a nice lady. Even though it was completely wrong for her to have created the thread, i don’t take it to the heart. I only seek advise from very experienced mentors that will say things the way they are whether i am or she’s wrong.

It was really wrong of ur lady to bring ur private issues to nairaland or any social media at all. When i first read her story a couple of days back, i wanted to comment but decided not to, seeing the way people were advising her which could be misleading. she kept replying proving that she just wants to get married by all means, weda for luv or not. when a lady is fed up with her guy she looks for a reason to leave. but if she still genuinely luvs u, she will look for a reason to stay and hang on. Its obvious she is tired of the relationship. People shld not marry because of they luv the idea of getting married or in her case she jst wants to be a Mrs. I hv been in a long distant relationship back to back. As much as its tiring and i get to see my partner once in 2/3months, i still find a reason to hang on till the end, and i never cheated. when the relationship ends i will tell myself i am never doing long distance relationship again bt in one way or the other i still find myself in another one.@goldcrossxx sit ur lady down and let her know ur intentions are real and she should give u tym to sort tins out, if u cant come to a reasonable understanding then u guys should go ur seperate ways. cos if all this drama in ur relationship how will marriage look like. I'm a lady and i know how ladies can be so desperate wen it comes to marriage. Goodluck

Lalas247:
Because if you r getting advice from Random strangers a matter between you and a potential wife .. then you should get your head cheacked and examined .... the people he is asking do not know them on a personal level , actually don’t know what really happened just whatever bs both of them type is what we go by ...


So when ur parents argue or have a disagreement they go on Twitter and disgrace each other
We wonder why relationships don’t last long ........

They are not embarrassing each other and we don't have to do relationship the way our forefathers did them, u didn't hear of such Cs they probably had no social media then to communicate with if not they wld have done worse. I suppose u have never been in love before, because if you have , you'd know that what these two are doing here is normal, haven't u seen people telling their relationship issues to total strangers because they are confused and they need help? If you have not been der, some have and trust me, it never made the relationship worse but stronger. I bet you that after all this drama, this two lovebirds will get to understand themselves better.

Brimstone1:
Worst thing to happen in a relationship is not when you break up or when your partner dies. It is that moment you decide to drag your private life out to be discussed by uncouth, ill-mannered, inexperienced and jobless Nairalanders. Shame on you, Op.

People blaming the op... I wonder if you ever put yourself in people's shoes before judging. Imagine you were the op and your girl brings a story here. U see people castigating nd calling you names...it is only human to put up a defense when you are being falsely judged. So posting this clarifying thread is in no way immature at all... Yall come here forming mature nd stuff, this is romance section... If everyone claims to be mature and no one puts his/her life problems seeking advice, what becomes of this romance thread...

tenmariner:
Pls op, there is one poster up there @lala something something, kindly disregard her opinion. Posters like that will give bias judgement if u had not deemed it fit to air your own side of the mata. And again, this is a faceless forum no one knows your identity!
Back to the mata;
After careful check on both side, I can tell I that she doesn't want u anymore. No point flogging a dead horse. She wants MARRIAGE at all cost. As a matter of fact, She is ready to marry a MONKEY if he proposes.
I once had a ln ex like that..she was really into marriage marriage and marriage which I wasn't financially prepared for. She left for another guy. My finance picked up immediately she left..in short, a job I applied for using her fone hired me...I was made to understand that she left that rich guy wen she realized that he has a baby mama somewhere.
If u ultimately think she can change, oh well u may choose to reconsider her and make necessary amends

That Lalas247 girl has a weak thought process and poor judgement. I believe the Op will ignore all her childish rants.

joeeee240:
AN OPINION CAN BE SHALLOW AND YOUR OPINION WAS FÛCKING SHALLOW. THIS IS HOW PEOPLE DECEIVE THEMSELVES. SO IT'S AN OPINION IT CAN'T BE NONSENSE. Y'ALL ARE JUST DUMB FOR THINKING LIKE THIS AND THEN MAKING IT WORSE BY JUSTIFYING IT WITH SOMETHING AS LAME AS "OPINION"

Stop typing in all Caps.
Not cool

itsmeurLady:
Awww... blowing kisses, he quoted me. You sound just like My Man ( I mean u talk like him) but amaraokafor u nor tell us all this part oo, u were acting as if the guy no send u at all but well, I understand that we as ladies sometimes need assurance from our spouse so please don't take it personal, I think u people should spend time to communicate and express your feelings to each other. Let go of the past and start afresh, u guys are meant for each other... aww, love is sweet oo

...why menstuation dey SMELL?

@Op, creating a thread to counter her is not the best thing to do cos if you really love her like you claim, you would have draw her closer and have heart to heart talk with her, tell her your mind and everything cos the thread she create was to express her mind, you could have pick from her opinions and make time 4 her, This is just too childish of you.
My Advice; Give yourselves space, it woulnt work with this mindset and the foundation both of you are setting is not healthy. what will be will be, so let it go 4 nw.

Lalas247:
respect people opinion if op wasn't prepared to hear all sides he shouldn't create a topic.
nothing about shallow its called an opinion

u can't bend me into.taking ur flawed view dear .. if u don't lke my comment pls don't quote me next time

blood don dey comot from ur dirty toto abi?

VampireeM:
The issues I can read from the both posts of the couple is Misunderstanding, Miscommunication and Attitude in the relationship.
IMO, I believe the way you wrote it here wasn't the way you acted towards her likewise your gf that claimed she was not desperate for marriage. Pls if you guys can't be in accord in moving/sustaining the relationship forward you guys should call it quits its too early for all these dramas and involvement of families and outsiders.
Amaraokafor and goldcrossxx please take your relationship off NL and sort yourselves cause the comments here will only make both of you more miserable and not solve anything. Wish you both luck in whatever decision you make.

Well-done chief judge.

itsmeurLady:
They are not embarrassing each other and we don't have to do relationship the way our forefathers did them, u didn't hear of such Cs they probably had no social media then to communicate with if not they wld have done worse. I suppose u have never been in love before, because if you have , you'd know that what these two are doing here is normal, haven't u seen people telling their relationship issues to total strangers because they are confused and they need help? If you have not been der, some have and trust me, it never made the relationship worse but stronger. I bet you that after all this drama, this two lovebirds will get to understand themselves better.

my dear being inlove doesn't mean u act like kids..
but they broke up apparently so whats the gain... ?,

like I said before my opinion u don't have to agree live your love life on social media .... it's your choice ..
funny how a lot of relationship are ruined because they put even the pettiest of disagreement online

have a great day.