₦airaland Forum

Bahddo:
thanks bro. I'd relay the advise to my dog

...DOG? LooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooL

joeeee240:
WHY ARE YOU NOT INTERESTED IN TWITTER? OR YOU'RE JUST HIDING

I'm not hiding. I just don't 'fancy' it.

kuchikau1:
....lol na beg i dey beg...just feeling happy today.

Lol... Alright.


I hear you.

Pepsi101:
Please why should a young man spend his valuable time working on a woman who has no respect for him,when he can channel that energy on his siblings or even use it to make money?


Life is too short to waste on inconsequential persons without loyalty and respect.

no one is without blemish dear, though I commend the Op for not painting her black but from the way he typed so far, we all could see that she's got alot of shortcomings to work on.. giving up on her now isn't ideal rather make her a better person for the man that would end up with her and go your way knowing that you did the right thing

joeeee240:
OYA DEBTEM COME AND CARRY HIM

Lol...
Okay.... But i need wheelbarrow...

kuchikau1:
can u imagine a bitter ashawo that feels or think she can out talk a man. She don hide her face. The bashing don too much. Dear abeg rate me!

Lol....

Rate you kor!...

You be agbaya jhare...lol

if after having s.ex the matter still dey worry una it means nothing else can salvage the union


a broken relationship is better than a broken marriage

DebTem:
I'm not hiding.
I just don't 'fancy' it.

LOL BUT NA THIS NAIRALAND WEY MAD PEOPLE LIKE US FULL YOU FANCY?

DebTem:
Lol...

Okay.... But i need wheelbarrow...

LOL... THIS ONE IS COUPLES WHEELBARROW. IT HAS BEEN CUSTOMIZED TO SIZE 98 TO ACCOMMODATE YOUR BUTTOCKS

goldcrossxx:
Greetings All,

To all that followed and commented on the thread created by “amaraokafor”, i decided to create a new thread for this as per the advice of a Nairalander. The below is the thread link and also my response.

https://www.nairaland.com/4484675/should-continue-wait-date-another#67236204

I have been following this thread on proxy and never wanted to comment because, i don’t believe in seeking emotional advise from a Public forum due to the fact that many advisers may be underage, inexperienced and would advise you based on what they have read from one party.

The young lady in question comes from a family of 2 girls and 4 boys of which she’s the 1st daughter and the 2nd is as well single. The relationship is also not 3 yrs as she indicated but was suppose to be exactly 2 yrs on the 1st of May.

A new relationship is always very sweet but the challenges that will follow is what matters most because relationship itself is filled with uncertainties just the same way as life. The way a relationship is handled is what justifies what the outcome would be.

The lady in question is nice and as humans, we all have our flaws. Yes, i am a very quiet and reserved person that hardly go out so it’s safe to say that i am an introvert while she’s not that type. I won’t completely analyze everything and what caused it but i will try within my capacity to disclose some so that those that gave their one sided advise can rethink again.

I am not a married man, as a matter of principle and respect to whoever i am involved with, i don’t double date. My problem with the lady in question was bourne out of the fact that she was disrespectful to me several times, domineering, unstable in the relationship and sometimes blackmail me to achieve her desires and a lot more. Those were what caused our problems from the first few months of my involvement with her. Several reasons may have prompted her actions but i don’t see it as being enough for someone you genuinely love.

I told her from the 1st 3 months of knowing her that marriage is what i want and she agreed accordingly. She met with my family, i met with the parents and made my intentions known to them in less than a year of relationship commencement. In fact if not for the financial challenge due to wrong projection of business dealings, marriage would have happened 2 or 3 months after.

Before i met with her family, she ended the relationship twice and threatened that she will proceed with the next man available that love is not a criteria for her in marriage. After i met with her parents, she did same to the extent of giving me a deadline that if i don’t fulfill her rites, i should go my way which she executed her threats. I will be begging for her not to leave, the mother will beg, the father will also talk to calm her down, people from my side sef the same thing. I HAVE NEVER ENDED MY RELATIONSHIP WITH HER even when i had reasons to have done so but she has done so numerous times.

I later spoke with the Dad and told him that immediately finances arrive, i will come in to do the needful. The man told me no problem that he understands the economic situation and once i am ready, i should come in. But my woman was still not stable as it was one issue after another. The same woman that told me when love they sweet that, she would stand by me through thick and thin but when water pass garri, she said NO that it’s only in marriage.

Already people close to me that knew me and her already were concerned about her actions, the way she talks to me, etc and majority told me outrightly to withdraw. I never did but believed she was going to change. As a concerned man, i do sometimes meditate because no responsible man wants to end up with a woman that doesn’t respect her man and can easily be unpredictable in her actions.

I commend her though for her sacrifices. She rejected a guy that had cash, built house and was relatively very comfortable because i knew him. In fact, at a point it was like a competition and my blood pressure was affected when the guy was policing her bumper to bumper since they lived in the same state.

To cut the story short, after several happenings resulting to series of emotional injury, she apologized that she won’t disrespect me again and even knelt down when we finally met to beg and i accepted. Weeks later, she wanted us to meet but i wasn’t chanced to see her and told her i will let her know when i am free. During this time, i was observing her actions but she got upset and told me she doesn’t want the relationship.

I called to resolve the issue but she wasn’t forth coming. Relationship or marriage ooo she said she’s not doing again. I informed the parents and they said it’s not the first time that i should remain calm. I kept calling for resolution in the month of November, December(she only agreed to see me once and her actions weren’t the lady i used to know), January and February but still no show.

Note: Her words to me when she responded was that she can ONLY be my friend that if i don’t want friendship, i should go my way and if i continue to disturb, she will block me. Also note that my finances started picking up late last year and improved early this year to the glory of God.

I continued to beg through the mum till i stopped after realizing that it was stupid of me to have done so. Reason being that i won’t marry the mother and she as a matured lady has the final say to this. I am a principled man and she knows this because Rome wasn’t built in a day. But as a man, i cannot subject myself to all those shenanigans which has always being the problem from the onset. What you beg to enter, you beg to sustain.

So the relationship officially was 1 year and 6 months when she ended it. It was the aspect of reconciliation that kicked off just last month. So my people, even though me i dey sometimes hide inside my shell, i hardly go out at night and i also admit that i can stay for a while without seeing her, but the 4 months is not justified here. Is it not one that you have a relationship with that you can see?

My write up isn’t to castigate her person and it’s also never to praise myself. Seeking emotional advise on Nairaland isn’t my thing but i felt i should throw some light as this will also aid others that wishes to give advise before doing so.

Remain blessed all and excuse my typos.

CC: geniushawlah

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I'm sorry to say it, but our yoruba sisters constitute the largest percentage of the YOUMUSTMARRYME type of ladies

joeeee240:
LOL... THIS ONE IS COUPLES WHEELBARROW. IT HAS BEEN CUSTOMIZED TO SIZE 98 TO ACCOMMODATE YOUR BUTTOCKS

Couples?.

Ha!... I laugh.

joeeee240:
LOL BUT NA THIS NAIRALAND WEY MAD PEOPLE LIKE US FULL YOU FANCY?

Lol....Yeah.

I like it here.

DebTem:
:| .... Couples?.

Ha!... I laugh.

YES NA. YOU DON'T WANT TO BE ALL LONELY IN YOUR PORSCHE W.BARROW

DebTem:
Lol....Yeah.

I like it here.

OH WELL, BUT YOU GOTTA BE ON INSTAGRAM RIGHT?

joeeee240:
YES NA. YOU DON'T WANT TO BE ALL LONELY IN YOUR PORSCHE W.BARROW

Indeed. Ha!. I laugh again.

joeeee240:
OH WELL, BUT YOU GOTTA BE ON INSTAGRAM RIGHT?

No. I'm not.

DebTem:
Indeed.
Ha!. I laugh again.

ALRIGHT.. .SEE YOU AROUND

goldcrossxx:
I don’t like anything that has to do with seeking advise from the public. Even 3rd parties, i hardly consult because when they have their own issues, they won’t come and meet you to mediate. I wouldn’t have countered this thread, i never planned on doing so but when i read a lot of comments, i decided to knowing fully well i am in no way revealing identities. There must always be a reason for an action and that’s why i hardly comment on romance and family sections.

U really sound like my ex-fiance. He is a very private person, and he was the one that taught me never to bring personal issues to social media and it has paid off for me cos all those advising (misleading) u online will never even take the advice they dish out. smh. A lot of people aren't happy in their relationships so they don't mind advising u to pull out wen the going gets tough. I also learnt never to discuss with friends cos i found out too late that they are all frenemies. So now, i am my own best friend. In my pains, struggles or laughter, i keep all to myself. Teach her wat it means to protect her relationship cos she clearly doesnt know. If the relationship doesnt work out, den it was never meant to be in the first place. Just see it as God protecting u from future happenings. My dear just relax, U go dey alright last last.

joeeee240:
OYA DEBTEM COME AND CARRY HIM

NO ooooooo! **runs outta thread.**

DebTem:
No. I'm not.

OK.. NEXT TIME YOU WANT TO COME AND MAKE ME LAUGH COME WITH A BIKINI PIC AND ELEVEN INTEGERS

DebTem:
Lol...

Okay.... But i need wheelbarrow...

...... kai.....this girl don finsh me o! Wheelbarrow?

joeeee240:
LOL... THIS ONE IS COUPLES WHEELBARROW. IT HAS BEEN CUSTOMIZED TO SIZE 98 TO ACCOMMODATE YOUR BUTTOCKS

...lol..come, make una mind una self o.

PierreAbutu:
I'm sorry to say it, but our yoruba sisters constitute the largest percentage of the YOUMUSTMARRYME type of ladies

....hmmmm...na tribal war u wan start na o!

joeeee240:
YES NA. YOU DON'T WANT TO BE ALL LONELY IN YOUR PORSCHE W.BARROW

....join am for the wheel barrow. Una equate! Lol

kimbraa:
I perfectly understand as what she wrote on her thread didn't correlate with what you just wrote. Now, creating a thread on nairaland to counter her seem to me like a case where couples wash their dirty linen in public. Even if you both make up, the scars caused by these events would still be there as humans don't forget that easily so it would've been best you hadn't create the thread.

Women!

Smh

kuchikau1:
...... kai.....this girl don finsh me o! Wheelbarrow?

Lol... Abi na.

kuchikau1:
....hmmmm...na tribal war u wan start na o!

That's why I said I was sorry

joeeee240:
OK.. NEXT TIME YOU WANT TO COME AND MAKE ME LAUGH COME WITH A BIKINI PIC AND ELEVEN INTEGERS

Eerrmmm... Oookkay

goldcrossxx:
Nairaland ke , i have no mentor on Nairaland. My mentor na old man that doesn’t even know whether Nairaland exist or not. I am a private person. Thanks for your contribution all the same.

Just like someone said up there, go and give thanks to God Almighty for delivering you from the web you entangled yourself in.

THIS IS NO JOKE.

While at it, put a pause to anything marriage for now and develop your mind first as it relates to who you really are as a male species and balance that knowledge with a branch into the female world . Then finally, read good books on courtship/marriage.

I read her thread and read yours and I noticed one glaring truth: YOU AINT READY FOR MARRIAGE JUST YET!

SENSE PILL: Money, nice personality and big Jrod do not sustain a marriage. Only the contains of a pseudo crazy cranium does

If you try it in this state of yours, another woman wrapper that goes washing his wife's panties would be born.

On a final note and to all guys, Watch it when a female species use the word OGA to address you or any other guy.... For he who brings ant infested fagg0t to the homestead should not complain when visited by LIZARDS.

A word they say is enough for....

[quote author=goldcrossxx post=67314532][/quote]reading both sides, they are not the same story.

But this lady loves you actually. She understands you have money issue. Not being buoyant yet. At the same time she wants to know where the relationship is headed. She is desperate to settle down. She feels she has wasted her time with you. See if you love this girl, you can have a traditional wedding atleast. Talk to her, discuss with her, invite few friends in that way you don't spend much. My friend who was a barber is married. How cause he planned it. He took just 3 people from his side. Atleast do that, let her be sure she has finally settled with you. Unless you want to flirt with other girls.

My opinion though. Dunno if it helps.

DebTem:
Eerrmmm... Oookkay

LOL, YOU DIDN'T UNDERSTAND ME RIGHT?

IamD18:
It's nice you as the man in question created this thread to clarify and seek for proper advice without condemning her but giving a balance details of what transpired between you both.

According to your thread and her thread, all I see in the said lady is DESPERATION , and as a result of that comes her disrespectfullness and nagging.

And one of worst thing that can happen to any man is to mingle with a desperate lady who isn't reserved and principled in her life.

I keep on saying this ; Women should channel and prioritize other positive things in their life apart from marriage , their craves and marriage achieving goals is now getting disgusted and irritating.

This said lady is ungrateful and not thankful to meet a man who didn't care to take advantage of her due to her desperation for marriage, she's so so lucky.

She sounds like a cheat according to your story with her threats to leave for another man, she MIGHT possibly be seeing another man but looking for an opportunity to opt out from your relationship with her because you aren't yet financially ready for marriage.


But with all due respect sir!

I simply do not think she worth a patient man like you, don't ever bother yourself for a woman who started a relationship with you with desperation to marry you, don't do that. Relationship should be all about courting and getting to know each other well before getting down for marriage, not an avenue to threaten and pressurize a partner for marriage.

It's obvious you love the lady, but one thing you must learn from me now is that A MAN CANNOT LOVE AND BE WISE AT THE SAME TIME , it can't happen.

She loves you, that's why she apologized to you and you love her, that's why you are tolerating her.

But the relationship goals of you both are different, she's desperate for marriage and you are desperate to make money before opting in for marriage.

My advise is this; Live and let her live, whatever will be MUST be

Focus on making a better end, financially and allow her focus on marriage elsewhere since she can't wait.

Oga u have PhD in counseling based on marriage stuff..i love ur advise