₦airaland Forum

franchasng:
You nailed it.

Advice to guys, if u are not financially okay or if u are still struggling or if u have not made up your mind to settle down, pls avoid ladies within the age range of 26yrs and above. Date ladies below 25yrs.

Once ladies clock 25 in Nigeria, marriage becomes their top priority in life and any man in their life will see hell fire if he doesn't go to pay their dowry asap.

Mr man not all ladies ooo...

But then, ladies below 25yrs are so unstable and arrogant, they hardly give upcoming guys a chance because they are busy forming slayqueens and slaying around until 26 knocks on their door, its a complex situation

joeeee240:
LOL, YOU DIDN'T UNDERSTAND ME RIGHT?

DebTem:
Lol... Abi na.

joeeee240:
LOL.. ..YOU THINK I CARE ABOUT YOUR OPINION OF WHAT'S COOL OR NOT ON NAIRALAND ?

CHESTER48:
reading both sides, they are not the same story.

But this lady loves you actually. She understands you have money issue. Not being buoyant yet. At the same time she wants to know where the relationship is headed. She is desperate to settle down. She feels she has wasted her time with you. See if you love this girl, you can have a traditional wedding atleast. Talk to her, discuss with her, invite few friends in that way you don't spend much. My friend who was a barber is married. How cause he planned it. He took just 3 people from his side. Atleast do that, let her be sure she has finally settled with you. Unless you want to flirt with other girls.

My opinion though. Dunno if it helps.

biacan:
The name you call anytime you jerk off

mistercharles:
Damn!

tenmariner:
Pls op, there is one poster up there @lala something something, kindly disregard her opinion. Posters like that will give bias judgement if u had not deemed it fit to air your own side of the mata. And again, this is a faceless forum no one knows your identity!
Back to the mata;
After careful check on both side, I can tell I that she doesn't want u anymore. No point flogging a dead horse. She wants MARRIAGE at all cost. As a matter of fact, She is ready to marry a MONKEY if he proposes.
I once had a ln ex like that..she was really into marriage marriage and marriage which I wasn't financially prepared for. She left for another guy. My finance picked up immediately she left..in short, a job I applied for using her fone hired me...I was made to understand that she left that rich guy wen she realized that he has a baby mama somewhere.
If u ultimately think she can change, oh well u may choose to reconsider her and make necessary amends

DebTem:
You caught me.

kuchikau1:
....**duty calls**so many patients waiting for some medical advice/treatments. i gotta go... ITS NICE MEETING YOU. Goodbye!

joeeee240:
NEXT TIME

goldcrossxx:
Greetings All,

To all that followed and commented on the thread created by “amaraokafor”, i decided to create a new thread for this as per the advice of a Nairalander. The below is the thread link and also my response.

https://www.nairaland.com/4484675/should-continue-wait-date-another#67236204

I have been following this thread on proxy and never wanted to comment because, i don’t believe in seeking emotional advise from a Public forum due to the fact that many advisers may be underage, inexperienced and would advise you based on what they have read from one party.

The young lady in question comes from a family of 2 girls and 4 boys of which she’s the 1st daughter and the 2nd is as well single. The relationship is also not 3 yrs as she indicated but was suppose to be exactly 2 yrs on the 1st of May.

A new relationship is always very sweet but the challenges that will follow is what matters most because relationship itself is filled with uncertainties just the same way as life. The way a relationship is handled is what justifies what the outcome would be.

The lady in question is nice and as humans, we all have our flaws. Yes, i am a very quiet and reserved person that hardly go out so it’s safe to say that i am an introvert while she’s not that type. I won’t completely analyze everything and what caused it but i will try within my capacity to disclose some so that those that gave their one sided advise can rethink again.

I am not a married man, as a matter of principle and respect to whoever i am involved with, i don’t double date. My problem with the lady in question was bourne out of the fact that she was disrespectful to me several times, domineering, unstable in the relationship and sometimes blackmail me to achieve her desires and a lot more. Those were what caused our problems from the first few months of my involvement with her. Several reasons may have prompted her actions but i don’t see it as being enough for someone you genuinely love.

I told her from the 1st 3 months of knowing her that marriage is what i want and she agreed accordingly. She met with my family, i met with the parents and made my intentions known to them in less than a year of relationship commencement. In fact if not for the financial challenge due to wrong projection of business dealings, marriage would have happened 2 or 3 months after.

Before i met with her family, she ended the relationship twice and threatened that she will proceed with the next man available that love is not a criteria for her in marriage. After i met with her parents, she did same to the extent of giving me a deadline that if i don’t fulfill her rites, i should go my way which she executed her threats. I will be begging for her not to leave, the mother will beg, the father will also talk to calm her down, people from my side sef the same thing. I HAVE NEVER ENDED MY RELATIONSHIP WITH HER even when i had reasons to have done so but she has done so numerous times.

I later spoke with the Dad and told him that immediately finances arrive, i will come in to do the needful. The man told me no problem that he understands the economic situation and once i am ready, i should come in. But my woman was still not stable as it was one issue after another. The same woman that told me when love they sweet that, she would stand by me through thick and thin but when water pass garri, she said NO that it’s only in marriage.

Already people close to me that knew me and her already were concerned about her actions, the way she talks to me, etc and majority told me outrightly to withdraw. I never did but believed she was going to change. As a concerned man, i do sometimes meditate because no responsible man wants to end up with a woman that doesn’t respect her man and can easily be unpredictable in her actions.

I commend her though for her sacrifices. She rejected a guy that had cash, built house and was relatively very comfortable because i knew him. In fact, at a point it was like a competition and my blood pressure was affected when the guy was policing her bumper to bumper since they lived in the same state.

To cut the story short, after several happenings resulting to series of emotional injury, she apologized that she won’t disrespect me again and even knelt down when we finally met to beg and i accepted. Weeks later, she wanted us to meet but i wasn’t chanced to see her and told her i will let her know when i am free. During this time, i was observing her actions but she got upset and told me she doesn’t want the relationship.

I called to resolve the issue but she wasn’t forth coming. Relationship or marriage ooo she said she’s not doing again. I informed the parents and they said it’s not the first time that i should remain calm. I kept calling for resolution in the month of November, December(she only agreed to see me once and her actions weren’t the lady i used to know), January and February but still no show.

Note: Her words to me when she responded was that she can ONLY be my friend that if i don’t want friendship, i should go my way and if i continue to disturb, she will block me. Also note that my finances started picking up late last year and improved early this year to the glory of God.

I continued to beg through the mum till i stopped after realizing that it was stupid of me to have done so. Reason being that i won’t marry the mother and she as a matured lady has the final say to this. I am a principled man and she knows this because Rome wasn’t built in a day. But as a man, i cannot subject myself to all those shenanigans which has always being the problem from the onset. What you beg to enter, you beg to sustain.

So the relationship officially was 1 year and 6 months when she ended it. It was the aspect of reconciliation that kicked off just last month. So my people, even though me i dey sometimes hide inside my shell, i hardly go out at night and i also admit that i can stay for a while without seeing her, but the 4 months is not justified here. Is it not one that you have a relationship with that you can see?

My write up isn’t to castigate her person and it’s also never to praise myself. Seeking emotional advise on Nairaland isn’t my thing but i felt i should throw some light as this will also aid others that wishes to give advise before doing so.

Remain blessed all and excuse my typos.

CC: geniushawlah

Iamd18
jasonscoolari
preetiex
mrphysics
presva
david2
Lakeside79
sisioge
mutemenot
Nwaohafia1
Ambitionsway
Maingwaest
yeyerolling
emerged1
Itsmeurlady
Olajadon
valentineuwakwe
Yoged
Isaacmacdon
Nwalie01
agarawu23
Mowunmiaf
Boyooosa
TGM2015
farady
Style007
Innobarca
Spaxon
Franchasng
Bibicici
Itzonlyme
Patani
Iilyheaven

VampireeM:
The issues I can read from the both posts of the couple is Misunderstanding, Miscommunication and Attitude in the relationship.
IMO, I believe the way you wrote it here wasn't the way you acted towards her likewise your gf that claimed she was not desperate for marriage. Pls if you guys can't be in accord in moving/sustaining the relationship forward you guys should call it quits its too early for all these dramas and involvement of families and outsiders.
Amaraokafor and goldcrossxx please take your relationship off NL and sort yourselves cause the comments here will only make both of you more miserable and not solve anything. Wish you both luck in whatever decision you make.

goldcrossxx:
Greetings All,

To all that followed and commented on the thread created by “amaraokafor”, i decided to create a new thread for this as per the advice of a Nairalander. The below is the thread link and also my response.

https://www.nairaland.com/4484675/should-continue-wait-date-another#67236204

I have been following this thread on proxy and never wanted to comment because, i don’t believe in seeking emotional advise from a Public forum due to the fact that many advisers may be underage, inexperienced and would advise you based on what they have read from one party.

The young lady in question comes from a family of 2 girls and 4 boys of which she’s the 1st daughter and the 2nd is as well single. The relationship is also not 3 yrs as she indicated but was suppose to be exactly 2 yrs on the 1st of May.

A new relationship is always very sweet but the challenges that will follow is what matters most because relationship itself is filled with uncertainties just the same way as life. The way a relationship is handled is what justifies what the outcome would be.

The lady in question is nice and as humans, we all have our flaws. Yes, i am a very quiet and reserved person that hardly go out so it’s safe to say that i am an introvert while she’s not that type. I won’t completely analyze everything and what caused it but i will try within my capacity to disclose some so that those that gave their one sided advise can rethink again.

I am not a married man, as a matter of principle and respect to whoever i am involved with, i don’t double date. My problem with the lady in question was bourne out of the fact that she was disrespectful to me several times, domineering, unstable in the relationship and sometimes blackmail me to achieve her desires and a lot more. Those were what caused our problems from the first few months of my involvement with her. Several reasons may have prompted her actions but i don’t see it as being enough for someone you genuinely love.

I told her from the 1st 3 months of knowing her that marriage is what i want and she agreed accordingly. She met with my family, i met with the parents and made my intentions known to them in less than a year of relationship commencement. In fact if not for the financial challenge due to wrong projection of business dealings, marriage would have happened 2 or 3 months after.

Before i met with her family, she ended the relationship twice and threatened that she will proceed with the next man available that love is not a criteria for her in marriage. After i met with her parents, she did same to the extent of giving me a deadline that if i don’t fulfill her rites, i should go my way which she executed her threats. I will be begging for her not to leave, the mother will beg, the father will also talk to calm her down, people from my side sef the same thing. I HAVE NEVER ENDED MY RELATIONSHIP WITH HER even when i had reasons to have done so but she has done so numerous times.

I later spoke with the Dad and told him that immediately finances arrive, i will come in to do the needful. The man told me no problem that he understands the economic situation and once i am ready, i should come in. But my woman was still not stable as it was one issue after another. The same woman that told me when love they sweet that, she would stand by me through thick and thin but when water pass garri, she said NO that it’s only in marriage.

Already people close to me that knew me and her already were concerned about her actions, the way she talks to me, etc and majority told me outrightly to withdraw. I never did but believed she was going to change. As a concerned man, i do sometimes meditate because no responsible man wants to end up with a woman that doesn’t respect her man and can easily be unpredictable in her actions.

I commend her though for her sacrifices. She rejected a guy that had cash, built house and was relatively very comfortable because i knew him. In fact, at a point it was like a competition and my blood pressure was affected when the guy was policing her bumper to bumper since they lived in the same state.

To cut the story short, after several happenings resulting to series of emotional injury, she apologized that she won’t disrespect me again and even knelt down when we finally met to beg and i accepted. Weeks later, she wanted us to meet but i wasn’t chanced to see her and told her i will let her know when i am free. During this time, i was observing her actions but she got upset and told me she doesn’t want the relationship.

I called to resolve the issue but she wasn’t forth coming. Relationship or marriage ooo she said she’s not doing again. I informed the parents and they said it’s not the first time that i should remain calm. I kept calling for resolution in the month of November, December(she only agreed to see me once and her actions weren’t the lady i used to know), January and February but still no show.

Note: Her words to me when she responded was that she can ONLY be my friend that if i don’t want friendship, i should go my way and if i continue to disturb, she will block me. Also note that my finances started picking up late last year and improved early this year to the glory of God.

I continued to beg through the mum till i stopped after realizing that it was stupid of me to have done so. Reason being that i won’t marry the mother and she as a matured lady has the final say to this. I am a principled man and she knows this because Rome wasn’t built in a day. But as a man, i cannot subject myself to all those shenanigans which has always being the problem from the onset. What you beg to enter, you beg to sustain.

So the relationship officially was 1 year and 6 months when she ended it. It was the aspect of reconciliation that kicked off just last month. So my people, even though me i dey sometimes hide inside my shell, i hardly go out at night and i also admit that i can stay for a while without seeing her, but the 4 months is not justified here. Is it not one that you have a relationship with that you can see?

My write up isn’t to castigate her person and it’s also never to praise myself. Seeking emotional advise on Nairaland isn’t my thing but i felt i should throw some light as this will also aid others that wishes to give advise before doing so.

Remain blessed all and excuse my typos.

CC: geniushawlah

Iamd18
jasonscoolari
preetiex
mrphysics
presva
david2
Lakeside79
sisioge
mutemenot
Nwaohafia1
Ambitionsway
Maingwaest
yeyerolling
emerged1
Itsmeurlady
Olajadon
valentineuwakwe
Yoged
Isaacmacdon
Nwalie01
agarawu23
Mowunmiaf
Boyooosa
TGM2015
farady
Style007
Innobarca
Spaxon
Franchasng
Bibicici
Itzonlyme
Patani
Iilyheaven

Spaxon:
well said

Michelle55:
no one is without blemish dear, though I commend the Op for not painting her black but from the way he typed so far, we all could see that she's got alot of shortcomings to work on.. giving up on her now isn't ideal rather make her a better person for the man that would end up with her and go your way knowing that you did the right thing

midehi2:
thanks darling, i think she will get the mention

Pepsi101:
If she has shortcomings,she has to identify them and put in the efforts to become a better person.


The young man is looking for a good woman and not some misguided adult to babysit.

Michelle55:
and you feel she isn't good enough for him if worked on?

Pepsi101:
Perhaps,she can be good if she put in the works, also the parents can come in handy to help her.




I don't subscribe to the saying that the young man should be the one to mould her character,when there are lots of good girls who don't have ordinary boyfriend.


There are better things the young man should do with his time.

Michelle55:
of course she will need to put effort as well.. thanks for your input though thought you are still asleep

Pepsi101:
Just woke up

Michelle55:
alright.. good morning and do have a pleasant day ahead

sisisioge:
Well well well...since she has ended the relationship herself. Both of you might as well continue on your separate ways.


BTW, being an introvert is not an excuse not to see your partner when in a relationship. Also, seeking comfort from her family members over the relationship while the going was tough for you wasn't cool. I wouldn't want my bf reporting me to my mom and dad all the time.

LivingFree:
My ears are burning

Baby girl! It's been forever and a day, I hope you're well

Didn't think you missed me since you never holla all the other times I came back but lala has paved the way for us

Didn't wanna derail this thread so I waited until now to reply. Hit me up on another thread and we can catch up.

IamD18:
It's nice you as the man in question created this thread to clarify and seek for proper advice without condemning her but giving a balance details of what transpired between you both.

According to your thread and her thread, all I see in the said lady is DESPERATION , and as a result of that comes her disrespectfullness and nagging.

And one of worst thing that can happen to any man is to mingle with a desperate lady who isn't reserved and principled in her life.

I keep on saying this ; Women should channel and prioritize other positive things in their life apart from marriage , their craves and marriage achieving goals is now getting disgusted and irritating.

This said lady is ungrateful and not thankful to meet a man who didn't care to take advantage of her due to her desperation for marriage, she's so so lucky.

She sounds like a cheat according to your story with her threats to leave for another man, she MIGHT possibly be seeing another man but looking for an opportunity to opt out from your relationship with her because you aren't yet financially ready for marriage.


But with all due respect sir!

I simply do not think she worth a patient man like you, don't ever bother yourself for a woman who started a relationship with you with desperation to marry you, don't do that. Relationship should be all about courting and getting to know each other well before getting down for marriage, not an avenue to threaten and pressurize a partner for marriage.

It's obvious you love the lady, but one thing you must learn from me now is that A MAN CANNOT LOVE AND BE WISE AT THE SAME TIME , it can't happen.

She loves you, that's why she apologized to you and you love her, that's why you are tolerating her.

But the relationship goals of you both are different, she's desperate for marriage and you are desperate to make money before opting in for marriage.

My advise is this; Live and let her live, whatever will be MUST be

Focus on making a better end, financially and allow her focus on marriage elsewhere since she can't wait.