₦airaland Forum

sacramento1212:
Except you guys had a disagreement from the onset, where i fault you was using your name as the sole owner of the property from the onset.

Even if he used his own share of the money for the parents as you indicated, i see no reason why you shouldn't have used Mr & Mrs XYZ as the property owner since you never had any issue with him using his own funds for the parents.

Your husband is upset and i wouldn't advise changing the name at this time since he has refused joint names for the change as that would be dangerous. I suggest you involve families since he told you to pack out of the house which further triggered all these problems.

Finally, your husband's version of what happened might be different from this thread you created but my advise is based on what you have written here.

He asked her to pack out.

LewsTherin:
Ok, got that.

Now like I said, normally, I am all for playing the fool in a relationship but your husband has set a bad precedent. First, he changed a joint agreement meant for your joint family in favour of his own family. Then he kicked you out of his house (as he thought it was). Then he insists you use your share of a joint decision, a decision that he reneged on, for his own benefit. Insisted on that twice ie before he knew it was in yiur name and after he knew it was in your name.

That is not good. Basically he has shown he is willing to abandon you and your kids if he “feels” like it. Sweetheart, no offense intended, but you don't have a good husband.

My advice to you and those in similar straits is
First, pray for your husband. Pray for God to change his person, to change his ways. If he claims to be a Christian, he sure as heck isn't showing Christ-like characters

Plan for your kids. Not to the exemption of your husband, but until he shows he can be different, plan to be able to live without him for your kids. I didn't say leave him. I said to be able to live without him. Different things.

Like you have been adviced, get an independent third party to mediate and see how that goes. I understand why you don't want to let your family know but it is dicey if they don't especially as he has involved his family from the beginning. I don't agree, but I understand. Maybe a compromise will be to tell your dad. Not your mum, not your sisters. Women by nature are very emotional and they can let their emotions overwhelm them. Tell your dad in confidence and ask him to keep it that way.

Finally, under no circumstances whatsoever should you add his name to that document. In mediations, the best you should do is to place the property in a trust for your children. Children! Not you, not him, not Mr and Mrs. Put it in the names of ALL your kids with a caveat that it cannot be sold by any one until all kids are above 18 years old.

Most of all, seek mediation and pray a lot for him.

My own advice.

This is so on point, poster read this.

Endowed595:
He asked her to pack out.

Yes the husband was wrong to have done that. I completely agree with you.

LewsTherin:
Ok, got that.

Now like I said, normally, I am all for playing the fool in a relationship but your husband has set a bad precedent. First, he changed a joint agreement meant for your joint family in favour of his own family. Then he kicked you out of his house (as he thought it was). Then he insists you use your share of a joint decision, a decision that he reneged on, for his own benefit. Insisted on that twice ie before he knew it was in yiur name and after he knew it was in your name.

That is not good. Basically he has shown he is willing to abandon you and your kids if he “feels” like it. Sweetheart, no offense intended, but you don't have a good husband.

My advice to you and those in similar straits is
First, pray for your husband. Pray for God to change his person, to change his ways. If he claims to be a Christian, he sure as heck isn't showing Christ-like characters

Plan for your kids. Not to the exemption of your husband, but until he shows he can be different, plan to be able to live without him for your kids. I didn't say leave him. I said to be able to live without him. Different things.

Like you have been adviced, get an independent third party to mediate and see how that goes. I understand why you don't want to let your family know but it is dicey if they don't especially as he has involved his family from the beginning. I don't agree, but I understand. Maybe a compromise will be to tell your dad. Not your mum, not your sisters. Women by nature are very emotional and they can let their emotions overwhelm them. Tell your dad in confidence and ask him to keep it that way.

Finally, under no circumstances whatsoever should you add his name to that document. In mediations, the best you should do is to place the property in a trust for your children. Children! Not you, not him, not Mr and Mrs. Put it in the names of ALL your kids with a caveat that it cannot be sold by any one until all kids are above 18 years old.

Most of all, seek mediation and pray a lot for him.

My own advice.

Lewstherin Telamon... this is a very sound advice. truth be told the guy is being completely selfish. but I don't know the full story. from what the OP said I completely agree with her not changing the ownership of the house.
also she needs to inform her family. BTW I don't get the logic behind asking for transfer. If it's granted and the issue's resolved what happens?
Op this issue tells me there's a lot of problem you need to resolve in your family. In fact I can pick so many things wrong in this short write up. You two need to talk.

dingbang:
How did you manage to put your name as the owner or the house without letting him know? You are a snitch

Snitch how?

They both made profits...

He used his to build for his parents; she used hers to build for both of them.

At best and for the sake of love, she COULD have built in their joint name.

It seems the husband wants the house in HIS NAME so he is able to throw her out if they have issues.

HEseesall:
He doesnt want that, i suggested it he said no, he has to be in charge fully not jointly

He wants to fully own a house he did not build?

Hmmmm.

You said your husband is a good man; you are the only person with the licence to declare him good so he is.

The next question is 'What did you do to piss off a good husband so much that he wanted you to pack out and when you couldn't, abandoned you in the house?'

AlPeter:
Lewstherin Telamon... this is a very sound advice. truth be told the guy is being completely selfish. but I don't know the full story. from what the OP said I completely agree with her not changing the ownership of the house.
also she needs to inform her family. BTW I don't get the logic behind asking for transfer. If it's granted and the issue's resolved what happens?
Op this issue tells me there's a lot of problem you need to resolve in your family. In fact I can pick so many things wrong in this short write up. You two need to talk.

Dude! You are the first person on Nairaland that has gotten my name! May you shelter in the palm of the Creator's hand!!

HEseesall:
He doesnt want that, i suggested it he said no, he has to be in charge fully not jointly

Let's say ur husband name is mike and your name is joy, surname Philips.

You can change it to Mr. Mike and Mrs. Joy Phillips.

Evacroft:
U guys did a joint business and shared profit ,then ur husband decided that all his own money will be put back to his parent thinking he will fall back on urs,did u guys discuss ur own share will be for both of u and did u both agree the money should be use for his parents?
Your husband is selfish by using all his money which I doubt cos if the money was as much as using it to build a house then that is no small money and I doubt he gave everything to his parent except they were sick and he was treating them with d money,that aside.
What is the stance of his parents on this?
The highest compromise u can make is Mr a and Mrs b, let ur first name show also on d docs. Don't give him full access since he has already told u to pack out he will leave u cos he strongly believe u cheated him out. And I don't know why he went running to his parents as soon has u guys had issues.

Don't go to any pastor or imam,they will compound ur problems,go to God in prayers to change his heart . If he remains adamant then leave him be. Cos I don't know why he will pack out and seek for a transfer because of this issue, except u wronged him badly earlier. Stand ur ground and goodluck

Yes it is not a small money, his dad had an ailment he had to be flown out, he used the remaining to complete their house, he's the first born, now they think i'm evil cos of all he did for them, it's really saddening

LewsTherin:
By the way, do you guys work together? Run a joint business? Or it was only that one event?

Just that one time

Eketem:
I am confused as to why you are begging him.

You both got paid from a business
He used his own share for his parents, you used your own to build a house now he got angry and decided to kick you out of your own house, you told him it wasn't possible.

He gets angry and moves out
Let him stay out, he is a wicked man that would have been happy to see you out on the streets with your kids begging him up and down.

I don't understand why you are now begging him.

I don't know why Nigerian women are so desperate to keep wicked men

Listen to what this guy above said, he has given you the best advise you can get about this issue.

Nawa oo men and their ego, this needs to be on front page


lalasticlala oooo

lol. What sort of husband is that? Madam, if you love yourself, don't change the name to his. That man is full of pride, manipulative and mean. He wanted to throw you out of the house? If his name was on it, you would have been out. It's either he loves you or not. If he can't swallow his pride and strive to mend your relationship for the sake of love then forget the mean man. Who throws his wife that loves him out of the house over a mere disagreement?

He can't eat his cake and have it.

LewsTherin:
Dude! You are the first person on Nairaland that has gotten my name! May you shelter in the palm of the Creator's hand!!

May the light be with you too. lol... Blood and bloody ashes now you're going to make me spend another 3 month on it.

Sorry to say but you're married to a very desperately wicked man.

Who does that?
Involve third party he respects but don't ever change the name to his own. Think about it, the only reason you're still living there is because the house was in your name already..

AlPeter:
May the light be with you too. lol... Blood and bloody ashes now you're going to make me spend another 3 month on it.

Watch your mouth you filthy aes sedai pet! Have you read all the books? All 15?

Mother's milk in a cup but every now and then I read book 15 over again. Now is a good time to start again. I got nothing better to do anyways

HEseesall:
I had to open this account for anonymity
I'm in a dilemma, let me start like this, when i and my husband first got married we did a joint business that fetched us a huge amount of money, the aim was to build a house, when we got the money, he decided to use his' for his parents (i had no problem with that) then mine for what we wanted to use it for

Two weeks ago we had a major misunderstanding, it was soo intense to the extent that he told me to park out of the house, in the heat of things i told him that cannot be possible that the house is in my name, he was shocked, saying it is impossible we built it together that it's in his name, i had to remind him what happened then, he was furious saying it was wrong of me to use my name, that he cant believe he has been staying in a house that does not belong to him, he told his family what i did claming victim, then he packed out saying he wont come home till i change the name to his full name, i begged him to no avail, i dont even know how to tell my people, imagine if it was in his name, i and the kids would have been out of the house by now, he has requested for transfer from his office to another state cos of this, who does that?? He cant expect me to change it to his name.

Pls i need other advise to go about this, he is a good man but he feels his ego has been bruised, i need other options.

no other option but to leave it in your name. God saved you,else you would have been the one that packed out.

HEseesall:
When he told me he wants to use his share for his parents, we agreed my share would be used for get a property then we start to build from there and that's what i did, i expected he knows i would use my name cos i keep the documents, now he is saying he wants his own name only NOT JOINTLY, who says that pls, at least i compromised for jointly,

Ah! NEVER, NEVER change it to his own name only, you will pay dearly for it. That man is a wicked man. Let the house be in your name only. Ahhhhh!

HEseesall:
Thanks, i am thinking of telling our pastor, i dont want to tell my family cos they may antagonise him, thanks for your imput

once you tell your pastor, be rest assured he'll ask you to obey your husband.

you are his wife so building the house with your name alone is a big red flag, moreso without his knowledge what type of wife does that? It shows you are preparing for divorce.

There are two sides to a story and I know you are not telling us the whole truth. In the building of the house there is no way the man could not have made a lot of contribution n sacrifice (may be not financial) to see it completed believing it's our house, complete betrayal.

If you are a Christian then always Know that your husband is your head.

He asked you to leave the house but believe me he doesn't mean it, it's just a way for men to show they are in charge.

There is alot of trust issues already but the only way out is to have joint ownership that allows him 60% if you still wants him as your husband. There is no way he will stay in a house u own alone as the wife.

sacramento1212:
Except you guys had a disagreement from the onset, where i fault you was using your name as the sole owner of the property from the onset.

Even if he used his own share of the money for the parents as you indicated, i see no reason why you shouldn't have used Mr & Mrs XYZ as the property owner since you never had any issue with him using his own funds for the parents.

Your husband is upset and i wouldn't advise changing the name at this time since he has refused joint names for the change as that would be dangerous. I suggest you involve families since he told you to pack out of the house which further triggered all these problems.

Finally, your husband's version of what happened might be different from this thread you created but my advise is based on what you have written here.

I understand you but don't forget that her husband also doesn't want to use Mr. & Mrs XYZ instead he is insisting that Mr XYZ alone be used, such greedy man. If he can't share, the woman shouldn't share. From the story, the husband is mean, proud and wicked. He thought the house was in his name and he wanted to send her out over a disagreement, who does that?

divinelove:
you are his wife so building the house with your name alone is a big red flag, what type of wife does that?

She built it with her money, so she owns it. Which is worse? She or her husband who didn't spend a penny to build the house but wants it in his name alone?

Martinez19:
I understand you but don't forget that her husband also doesn't want to use Mr. & Mrs XYZ instead he is insisting that Mr XYZ alone be used, such greedy man. If he can't share, the woman shouldn't share. From the story, the husband is mean, proud and wicked. He thought the house was in his name and he wanted to send her out over a disagreement, who does that?

Suggesting for the property name to be changed from sole ownership to joint ownership (Mr and Mrs XYZ) was after the fracas and the husband's actions now is based on annoyance. From day 1, that property shouldn't have been in the wife's name alone but a joint name if she wasn't comfortable for it to be in the husband's name.

The husband is selfish no doubt but my opinion is based on what transpired from the onset.

divinelove:
you are his wife so building the house with your name alone is a big red flag, moreso without his knowledge what type of wife does that? It shows you are preparing for divorce.

There are two sides to a story and I know you are not telling us the whole truth. In the building of the house there is no way the man could not have made a lot of contribution to see it completed believing it's our house, complete betrayal.

He asked you to leave the house but believe me he doesn't mean it, it's just a way for men to show they are in charge.

There is alot of trust issues already but the only way out is to have joint ownership that allows him 60% if you still wants him as your husband. There is no way he will stay in a house u own alone as the wife.

But it is right for the man to use his name alone? Yeye dey smell. That's for all the jobless women littered all over the world.
Say that to Patience Jonathan, Allison Madueke and Folorunsho Alakija.

sacramento1212:
Suggesting for the property name to be changed from sole ownership to joint ownership (Mr and Mrs XYZ) was after the fracas and the husband's actions now is based on annoyance. From day 1, that property shouldn't have been in the wife's name alone but a joint name if she wasn't comfortable for it to be in the husband's name.

The husband is selfish no doubt but my opinion is based on what transpired from the onset.

i believe op knows her husband that's why she used just her name. If he thinks it should have been joint, why did he try to chase her with the thought that the house was in his name alone? That was his plan from onset to have the house to himself alone.

Martinez19:
She built it with her money, so she owns it. Which is worse? She or her husband who didn't spend a penny to build the house but wants it in his name alone?

The only way out if she still wants her husband is to concead 60% ownership to the man. There is serious trust issues already therefore sole ownership by either party is unthinkable in the interest of their marriage

divinelove:
you are his wife so building the house with your name alone is a big red flag, moreso without his knowledge what type of wife does that? It shows you are preparing for divorce.

There are two sides to a story and I know you are not telling us the whole truth. In the building of the house there is no way the man could not have made a lot of contribution n sacrifice (may be not financial) to see it completed believing it's our house, complete betrayal.

If you are a Christian then always Know that your husband is your head.

He asked you to leave the house but believe me he doesn't mean it, it's just a way for men to show they are in charge.

There is alot of trust issues already but the only way out is to have joint ownership that allows him 60% if you still wants him as your husband. There is no way he will stay in a house u own alone as the wife.

Women also makes sacrifice when a family project is ongoing but they do not whimper and throw tantrum all over town. Just that the land is under his wife's name and he is vomiting blood. Bunch of egomaniacal hoodwags.

divinelove:
you are his wife so building the house with your name alone is a big red flag, moreso without his knowledge what type of wife does that? It shows you are preparing for divorce.

There are two sides to a story and I know you are not telling us the whole truth. In the building of the house there is no way the man could not have made a lot of contribution n sacrifice (may be not financial) to see it completed believing it's our house, complete betrayal.

If you are a Christian then always Know that your husband is your head.

He asked you to leave the house but believe me he doesn't mean it, it's just a way for men to show they are in charge.

There is alot of trust issues already but the only way out is to have joint ownership that allows him 60% if you still wants him as your husband. There is no way he will stay in a house u own alone as the wife.

that man wanted the property in his name alone, else why did he try to chase her? To show he is in charge? That's so lame.

If it were the lady who didn't spend a penny you'll probably tell her to apologise and forget about being a joint owner since her children will inherit it.

Op you already know what to do. If you make a mistake you alone will suffer it.

Babybunny:
i believe op knows her husband that's why she used just her name. If he thinks it should have been joint, why did he try to chase her with the thought that the house was in his name alone? That was his plan from onset to have the house to himself alone.

May be the husband was displaying questionable character but i am only commenting based on her write up because we haven’t heard the husband’s version of the whole matter. So one wouldn’t know if truly the husband had all these planned out from the onset or not.

sacramento1212:
Suggesting for the property name to be changed from sole ownership to joint ownership (Mr and Mrs XYZ) was after the fracas and the husband's actions now is based on annoyance. From day 1, that property shouldn't have been in the wife's name alone but a joint name if she wasn't comfortable for it to be in the husband's name.

The husband is selfish no doubt but my opinion is based on what transpired from the onset.

I understand you but still the husband doesn't seem like someone that would have wanted the house to be in the name of Mr & Mrs XZY from the onset. He is simply manipulating her to get the house to himself. Bleep his annoyance. When the woman apologised and finally wanted the house to be in the name of Mr & Mrs XYZ, why won't he accept? Don't he want peace? The fact that he would want his wife out of the house after a major disagreement speaks volume about his ego and mean nature. He deserves not remorse. He even played the victim - - what a manipulative man.

divinelove:
The only way out if she still wants her husband is to concern 60% ownership to the man. There is serious trust issues already therefore sole ownership by either party is unthinkable in the interest of their marriage

60% you say?
Would you advice the man so If it were the other way round? Bunch of egoistic hypocrites.

Martinez19:
I understand you but still the husband doesn't seem like someone that would have wanted the house to be in the name of Mr & Mrs XZY from the onset. He is simply manipulating her to get the house to himself. Bleep his annoyance. When the woman apologised and finally wanted the house to be in the name of Mr & Mrs XYZ, why won't he accept? Don't he want peace? The fact that he would want his wife out of the house after a major disagreement speaks volume about his ego and mean nature. He deserves not remorse. He even played the victim - - what a manipulative man.

The foundation of that marriage is faulty. A marriage built on a solid foundation wouldn’t trigger all these. There’s no trust between both parties and the reason for all the bullshitting. There’s more to this than what the OP posted here.