OgaInnocent:

Thank you. Some persons are validating her without hearing the husband part of the story... Even if they agreed to build the house togeda, and circumstance made the man to spend his own part in hospital, that shouldn't make her register the house in her own name, Not even mr n Mrs... Can you imagine that? She is just telling you that you have used ur money in hospital, hence you are not part of the house ownership.

You know people just jump into conclusion without critically analyzing the situation. No right thinking man will tolerate the nonsense the woman did. She’s initially at fault here.

HEseesall:



The property only is in my name but we built it together

So why did you register it with your name
Pls answer this question

this one na gmail girl

Amumaigwe:


You are obviously single and at best with a casual boy friend who you may drop and pick up another at will. Therefore you lack the experience yourself to advise a married woman ( with children) who is seeking how to put her marriage back in shape. Until such a time you are able to attract a responsible man to marry you, don't offer such an infantile advise to a married woman again.

Did you read very at all. She has been asked to leave damn it. The only reaaon shes not in her parents home is Cos the property is not in the Man's name. No pastors would have housed her and kids if the man succeeded
Everyone is taking about the property, this marriage is hanging already before the property issue came up. Your parents should be your first point of call not some pastors and Rev or whatever.if she

OP, what is wrong with you?

So you get house, get kids and a foolish husband who is willing to leave you alone and you are here complaining. To slap you dey hungry me.

Graxie:
My dear tell your family, what do you mean by they will antagonize him? What if he has succeeded in chasing you out? Won't your family know? Do you want to die in silent? Please before pastor, first tell your papa and mama. Meanwhile, if this narration is true, count your loses, you are a single mom. He feels betrayed, he knows he doesn't have upper hand to humiliate you that's why he took transfer. Move on, such men are chauvinist, they don't care!!!

NL women n their emotions....never fvvking logical at all!!!

This lady ain’t loyal...


How much was your share?
How much was his?
How much did he give his parents?
How much did you spend to complete the house ?

Your husband was angry and threw the regular bomb that married men throw that you should pack your load and leave then he actually found out he has been living with a sinister.

Madam, you need to reassess your self, the property should be in the names of you two in the first place, regardless of whose money.

Any court of law will dissolve a marriage and share properties acquired while in marriage.

The reason why I hate Nigerian men, big ego, small brain.

LewsTherin:


Ok, got that.

Now like I said, normally, I am all for playing the fool in a relationship but your husband has set a bad precedent. First, he changed a joint agreement meant for your joint family in favour of his own family. Then he kicked you out of his house (as he thought it was). Then he insists you use your share of a joint decision, a decision that he reneged on, for his own benefit. Insisted on that twice ie before he knew it was in yiur name and after he knew it was in your name.

That is not good. Basically he has shown he is willing to abandon you and your kids if he “feels” like it. Sweetheart, no offense intended, but you don't have a good husband.

My advice to you and those in similar straits is
First, pray for your husband. Pray for God to change his person, to change his ways. If he claims to be a Christian, he sure as heck isn't showing Christ-like characters

Plan for your kids. Not to the exemption of your husband, but until he shows he can be different, plan to be able to live without him for your kids. I didn't say leave him. I said to be able to live without him. Different things.

Like you have been adviced, get an independent third party to mediate and see how that goes. I understand why you don't want to let your family know but it is dicey if they don't especially as he has involved his family from the beginning. I don't agree, but I understand. Maybe a compromise will be to tell your dad. Not your mum, not your sisters. Women by nature are very emotional and they can let their emotions overwhelm them. Tell your dad in confidence and ask him to keep it that way.

Finally, under no circumstances whatsoever should you add his name to that document. In mediations, the best you should do is to place the property in a trust for your children. Children! Not you, not him, not Mr and Mrs. Put it in the names of ALL your kids with a caveat that it cannot be sold by any one until all kids are above 18 years old.

Most of all, seek mediation and pray a lot for him.

My own advice.

Best advice so far

all i can say is that that marriage is already over!

once trust is gone, it's gone!

HEseesall:



He doesnt want that, i suggested it he said no, he has to be in charge fully not jointly

Madam I don't know your full story but your own side of the story is quite faulty. "He used his own part of the money" that statement is so wrong for a married couple. You guys are not business partners, you guys are ONE body now not 2 separate bodies. The money, belongs to both of you and the children. Gushhh!!! are guys having trust issues or what as a couple husband and wife aren't supposed to be sharing spoils rather they build on it. You never mentioned where he build the supposed "his parent's" house. Is it in the village or in the city. If it's in the village then that house is not his parents house rather it's your family house in the village for Christmas celebrations and fortunately, his parents/ your second parents are enjoying from your goodwill. Then the almighty "Your own share". There's has never been a share for you or him, it's still all of your money. Whatever it's used for is own by both of you and the kids. All properties should be in Mr & Mrs. That house is not only yours simple. Saying that he doesn't want to agree to the terms of changing the name to Mr & Mrs as a reply to a comment shows that you never suggested it in reality. Please apologize to your husband because I think you've not done that properly, change that name to Mr & Mrs ASAP and delete this thread you used to get seek for cheap sympathy.

he just expose himself. Ab3g.dnt write/ change ur sweat property to his name. If u do it for love sake, u'll blame urself last last not ur village pipu.Once u change d document,he'll kick u out..Be wise

Poster I am a man. Don't let your husband play the emotional game with you. I don't know why people are always stinging .. humans are just greedy. Once you change the name to his. He will chase you out I assure you.

HEseesall:
I had to open this account for anonymity
I'm in a dilemma, let me start like this, when i and my husband first got married we did a joint business that fetched us a huge amount of money, the aim was to build a house, when we got the money, he decided to use his' for his parents (i had no problem with that) then mine for what we wanted to use it for

Two weeks ago we had a major misunderstanding, it was soo intense to the extent that he told me to park out of the house, in the heat of things i told him that cannot be possible that the house is in my name, he was shocked, saying it is impossible we built it together that it's in his name, i had to remind him what happened then, he was furious saying it was wrong of me to use my name, that he cant believe he has been staying in a house that does not belong to him, he told his family what i did claming victim, then he packed out saying he wont come home till i change the name to his full name, i begged him to no avail, i dont even know how to tell my people, imagine if it was in his name, i and the kids would have been out of the house by now, he has requested for transfer from his office to another state cos of this, who does that?? He cant expect me to change it to his name.

Pls i need other advise to go about this, he is a good man but he feels his ego has been bruised, i need other options.


MODIFIED For those viewing this, i have made some clarifications down to page (1),

Kiss ur marriage good bye if u neglect ur parents & go to ur pastor
Most marriage have crashed coz of my pastor say this & that
Ur parents are in the best position to calm ur husband down coz its anger that is burning inside him
Since its not a cheating case its not that a major case
But my advice to u next time learn how to shape ur mouth anytime ur having misunderstanding with ur husband
U women are fond of that don't be surprise that its coz of the things u said to him prompted him to act this way
Again if u don't want to bring more problem to urself don't carry this issue go meet ur pastor

madridguy:
You both should settle this amicably but don't change the properties document to his name otherwise you will cry over it.

dingbang come see better advice, not that thing you wrote there.

Daeylar:


Why say the woman should stay single, ? Because of what? Is her ex husband the only man in the world?

Some of you won't come down from the clouds and realise men abound plentifully on this earth and a woman can always make her choice from the pick of men, or she can CHOOSE to remain single.

you know all these fools think the sun shines out of their arses ! They don’t know times are changing !

[quote author=Evacroft post=69374242]U guys did a joint business and shared profit ,then ur husband decided that all his own money will be put back to his parent thinking he will fall back on urs,did u guys discuss ur own share will be for both of u and did u both agree the money should be use for his parents?
Your husband is selfish by using all his money which I doubt cos if the money was as much as using it to build a house then that is no small money and I doubt he gave everything to his parent except they were sick and he was treating them with d money,that aside.
What is the stance of his parents on this?
The highest compromise u can make is Mr a and Mrs b, let ur first name show also on d docs. Don't give him full access since he has already told u to pack out he will leave u cos he strongly believe u cheated him out. And I don't know why he went running to his parents as soon has u guys had issues.

Don't go to any pastor or imam,they will compound ur problems,go to God in prayers to change his heart . If he remains adamant then leave him be. Cos I don't know why he will pack out and seek for a transfer because of this issue, except u wronged him badly earlier. Stand ur ground and goodluck.


Pls, all u need to do right now is to present ur matter to God for his guidance and take note dat no matter the pressure from either ur husband or anyone, u won't make him sole owner of the property so far each party has contribution in it. If he truly love you and his family he won't demand for a transfer when loving once are dying to ve connection with their love ones. I believe something is wrong some where, Dont rush into making decisions, keep calm, remember not to succumb to his pressure or demand. if u should satisfy his wish den ur actions might comes back to hurts u and ur kids .
I just signed a partnership deed dat was prevented by my wife this evening, all wat we owned together as legal evidence and she always be the first to invite lawyer to prepare necessary documents. When she started complaint about how I spend on cars she stop running the joint account with me and i don't see any thing wrong in dat. pls Don't allow love or emotion to override ur judgement o. Or else u will later pay dearly in future.

do not change the name if not you will regret it. somebody that is willing to throw u out. look well before you leap.

HEseesall:



He doesnt want that, i suggested it he said no, he has to be in charge fully not jointly

Sis please ,don't do it for Christ Sake it will definitely backfires on you and the kids will suffers it.
This has nothing to do with Ego , he's just be callous, selfish and greedy. A man who doesn't care aftermath or side effect of his actions in his children life or future.
This can be so doing of an IGBO man but notwithstanding if you give up on this said property he control and remote you as pleases him, many of our GRANDMOTHERS and MOTHERS has suffered and STILL suffering the same fate in the name of pleasing animals inhuman forms in the name of keeping a marriage. EGO KO OWO NI.
P.S
I am Igbo man from Okija in Ihiala L.G.A of Anambra State, all this UNNECESSARY INTRODUCTION is to clarify my above mention and to avoid tribals war here.
SHALOM.

HEseesall:
I had to open this account for anonymity
I'm in a dilemma, let me start like this, when i and my husband first got married we did a joint business that fetched us a huge amount of money, the aim was to build a house, when we got the money, he decided to use his' for his parents (i had no problem with that) then mine for what we wanted to use it for

Two weeks ago we had a major misunderstanding, it was soo intense to the extent that he told me to park out of the house, in the heat of things i told him that cannot be possible that the house is in my name, he was shocked, saying it is impossible we built it together that it's in his name, i had to remind him what happened then, he was furious saying it was wrong of me to use my name, that he cant believe he has been staying in a house that does not belong to him, he told his family what i did claming victim, then he packed out saying he wont come home till i change the name to his full name, i begged him to no avail, i dont even know how to tell my people, imagine if it was in his name, i and the kids would have been out of the house by now, he has requested for transfer from his office to another state cos of this, who does that?? He cant expect me to change it to his name.

Pls i need other advise to go about this, he is a good man but he feels his ego has been bruised, i need other options.


MODIFIED For those viewing this, i have made some clarifications down to page (1),

you do well my sister. Don't change anything to his name, you people cannot be suffering all the time because of one useless ego (not refering to your husband in particular please). Just do everything you can to calm him, and keep apologizing and if you are into religion, then take it to the Lord in prayer. You've done no wrong.

The husbands pack out of my house routine has justified the wife's actions. If the house was not in her name, or if the husband had built it, what would the situation be right now?

Wrong marriage with faulty foundation. Whats all dis my money, his money in marriage? His share my share, ?? I dont get . If its a Christian marriage, u both r joined as one., but i see u both are attached to material things and so, cant find an amicable setrlement. Hes asking u out of d house, he is wicked. And you keeping property in your name, r u expecting dat smday u will keep all d proceeds of d property to urself alone?? What is more important to u? because right now u r bothered abt the children , meaning the children r important, but now d property is more important than the husband?

When you Identify who or what is more important to you, you will decide right.

LewsTherin:


Ok, got that.

Now like I said, normally, I am all for playing the fool in a relationship but your husband has set a bad precedent. First, he changed a joint agreement meant for your joint family in favour of his own family. Then he kicked you out of his house (as he thought it was). Then he insists you use your share of a joint decision, a decision that he reneged on, for his own benefit. Insisted on that twice ie before he knew it was in yiur name and after he knew it was in your name.

That is not good. Basically he has shown he is willing to abandon you and your kids if he “feels” like it. Sweetheart, no offense intended, but you don't have a good husband.

My advice to you and those in similar straits is
First, pray for your husband. Pray for God to change his person, to change his ways. If he claims to be a Christian, he sure as heck isn't showing Christ-like characters

Plan for your kids. Not to the exemption of your husband, but until he shows he can be different, plan to be able to live without him for your kids. I didn't say leave him. I said to be able to live without him. Different things.

Like you have been adviced, get an independent third party to mediate and see how that goes. I understand why you don't want to let your family know but it is dicey if they don't especially as he has involved his family from the beginning. I don't agree, but I understand. Maybe a compromise will be to tell your dad. Not your mum, not your sisters. Women by nature are very emotional and they can let their emotions overwhelm them. Tell your dad in confidence and ask him to keep it that way.

Finally, under no circumstances whatsoever should you add his name to that document. In mediations, the best you should do is to place the property in a trust for your children. Children! Not you, not him, not Mr and Mrs. Put it in the names of ALL your kids with a caveat that it cannot be sold by any one until all kids are above 18 years old.

Most of all, seek mediation and pray a lot for him.

My own advice.

Cool advice sir/ma.

I love the later part about the name to put on the document but please work on your children so they won't be influenced negatively by the so called husband.


In addition, please pray through! Marriages receive deadly blows from different angles. I wish you victory!

iamkeyz:

Why should he build his own house?
Can't men live in a house built by women?

This table you are shaking ehn

You want a Nigerian man to live in a house built by a Nigerian woman in Nigeria and you are asking the opinion of Nigerian man on nairaland. Issorait

Most advices that people will give you will eventually lead you astray, lots of them are single and naive about marital affair. If they advice you on divorce who will marry you ? With 2 kids, I will never support violence in marriage and have it at the back of ur mind that no marriage is perfect and a peaceful home is built by a good wife. You are wrong to have kept the ownership of the house from your man, since you agree to spend the rest of ur life with a man,definitely all you owns belong's to both you. From your story the man is actually wrong but he's a really man to have stay away from the house you built because you have lots of confidence since you owns the house and I must confess to you that submission is the major issue that prompt or raise the anger initially, in Africa tradition allow a man to tell his wife to return back to her family in other to learn or seek marital advice from her parent that will make her more submissive. My candid advise,look for ur man beg him and both of you should make amendment for the sake of the kids that will suffer a broken home.

CASTOSVILLA:
Madam I don't know your full story but your own side of the story is quite faulty. "He used his own part of the money" that statement is so wrong for a married couple. You guys are not business partners, you guys are ONE body now not 2 separate bodies. The money, belongs to both of you and the children. Gushhh!!! are guys having trust issues or what as a couple husband and wife aren't supposed to be sharing spoils rather they build on it. You never mentioned where he build the supposed "his parent's" house. Is it in the village or in the city. If it's in the village then that house is not his parents house rather it's your family house in the village for Christmas celebrations and fortunately, his parents/ your second parents are enjoying from your goodwill. Then the almighty "Your own share". There's has never been a share for you or him, it's still all of your money. Whatever it's used for is own by both of you and the kids. All properties should be in Mr & Mrs. That house is not only yours simple. Saying that he doesn't want to agree to the terms of changing the name to Mr & Mrs as a reply to a comment shows that you never suggested it in reality. Please apologize to your husband because I think you've not done that properly, change that name to Mr & Mrs ASAP and delete this thread you used to get seek for cheap sympathy.

but you said nothing about the husband telling her to pack out ? Your advice is so biased and one sided ! She already said he did not want joint ownership - he wants to own the property solely but you are here saying she did not suggest it ! When she said clearly that she did and he refused ! Someone who listens to advice like yours will be a slave n her own home ! You did not say a word about a husband who was ready to throw his wife out simply because he thought the house was his ? I don’t know why some men think women are not human and therefore should be treated like animals ! I’m married and if my husband dares asks me to pack out I will burn that house down !

HEseesall:



I am not a blogger who wants traffic, you can choose not to believe if you want, i just need advice and other options,

Don't you ever change the name of the property to his alone. Never. Mr & Mrs... will be better. Telling you this because men are very calculative.

He will come around, after his right senses must have finished booting. Act like nothing happened, when he returns. No need involving pastor. Will you change the name to his alone, if the pastor suggests that??. Knowing fully well that your husband won't hesitate to send you out .
Relax your mind and don't be weak...nothing will happen to your marriage.

OR

You can still call the pastor... Family members and apologize for not telling him earlier that you bought the land with your name and not his. You sorry for leading him astray by buiLding a house that wasn't with his name. But amends can be made by using a Mr &Mrs. If after this, he says no, "Let him go fvck himself "

JoannaSedley:
Not everybody believes in fairy tales.

you call Bible fairytale...??Hmmm... HUMANS... OK, Noone escapes death... You get to know sooner

Alot of You are getting things wrong here....


The only thing the wife Own is THE LAND

HEseesall:



The property only is in my name but we built it together

They built the house TOGETHER!!!


2NDLY.....

What did she do to Warrant a GOOD man wanting her to leave?

And when she refused, he packed out and transfered?

Madam you're are partially truthful with emblems of lies. On a norms i would have analysed your write and tel your lies to everyone here but I'm too tired right now.

But this is a rough idea and you know what I'm about to say is the truth.

You guys truly did a joint business, yes it fetched both of you money , yes you both used the money for your respective plans yes, but the truth is

You used your own share of the profit to buy the land in your name yes, your husband and you both contributed to the development to finishing yes, he believe you both own in based on trust and you've both come a long way with business and this shouldn't be an issue.

As a typical Africa man he was trying to apply the rule of husband is the head of the family yes, he made a threat for you to leave the house like a typical power drunk African man yes, Since you've also subconsciously prepared for this day by using your sole name on the property you decided to slap his face back with this harsh reality that your name is on the document yes. On discovering this by your husband an initial threat became an eye opener yes.

His ego won't let him, he feel betrayed after years of coming a long way. the truth is you planned this all along. If you truly care about your home you would have put a Mr n Mrs on the document without been told for future of the family if either of the husband or wife dies suddenly. cause in the end you acknowledge he's a good man which means he must have been taking care of the family financially. And you also acknowledge you're working but only you can't take care of the family which means he has been doing his duties all along.

You need to go back to the very beginning your family ha lost the trust which is the bedrock of every marriage. No change it to his name cause his now wise, the meting point you should negotiate now is Mr n Mrs if he cant take that to repair the family then he has something up his sleeves also.

lifeisbeautiful:
Most advices that people will give you will eventually lead you astray, lots of them are single and naive about marital affair. If they advice you on divorce who will marry you ? With 2 kids, I will never support violence in marriage and have at the back of mind that no marriage is perfect and a peaceful home is built by a good wife. You are wrong to have kept the ownership of the house from your man, since you agree to spend the rest of life with a man definite all you owns beyond's to both you. From your story the man is actually wrong but he's a really man to have stay away from the house you built because you have lots of confidence since you own the and I must confess to you that submissive is the major issue that prompt or raise the anger initially, in Africa tradition allow a man to tell his wife to return back to her family in other to learn or seek marital advice from her parent that will make her submissive. My candid advise,look for ur man beg him and both of should make amendment for the sake of the kids that will suffer a broken home.

beg him for what ? - beg him because he is acting like a two year old ? Pls grow up and stop giving silly advice .