₦airaland Forum

Martinez19:
lol. The woman has more solid grounds on this issue. She used HER MONEY to build the house. It's not advisable to force love. It's either he loves her or not. He should recognise what has happened has happened, If he can't stop his wickedness, manipulation and pride and accept 50-50 ownership for the sake of love, then he Bleep off.

The op has played her part in trying to mend the relationship by offering a 50-50 ownership of the house. If the husband can't humble himself and change his ways, he should Bleep off. He is meant to apologise for trying to kick his wife out. How callous!

HEseesall:
When he told me he wants to use his share for his parents, we agreed my share would be used for get a property then we start to build from there and that's what i did, i expected he knows i would use my name cos i keep the documents, now he is saying he wants his own name only not jointly, who says that pls, at least i compromised for jointly,

HEseesall:
He doesnt want that, i suggested it he said no, he has to be in charge fully not jointly

eniolorunfe:
Whew!!!

If I were you, I would be in church first thing tomorrow morning to thank God for His deliverance.

This is a real blessing in disguise!!! So, you would have been on the streets with your children begging a man to let you into a home that you used your share of funds to build.

What if you also spent your share on your family, what would he have done Abi you sef no get family weh need money?

Be Wise Woman!!! God just exposed his heart and delivered you.

I doubt if this man ever loved you sef. It's time to wake up and sharp up.

Don't put your family in the dark about this happenings, they are probably the only ones that love you geniunely and have your real interest at heart.

Eketem:
Same way he would have told them if you built the house in his name and he kicked you out as planned


Madam I have no more advice if you like go and dash him the house when he kicks you out come and throw a pity party. I don't understand Nigerian women and their desperation. He would have kicked you out without a second thought and you are acting like he is a real husband instead of doing thanksgiving

Pataricatering:
but you said nothing about the husband telling her to pack out ? Your advice is so biased and one sided ! She already said he did not want joint ownership - he wants to own the property solely but you are here saying she did not suggest it ! When she said clearly that she did and he refused ! Someone who listens to advice like yours will be a slave n her own home ! You did not say a word about a husband who was ready to throw his wife out simply because he thought the house was his ? I don’t know why some men think women are not human and therefore should be treated like animals ! I’m married and if my husband dares asks me to pack out I will burn that house down !

OgaInnocent:
So why did you register it with your name
Pls answer this question

HEseesall:
I had to open this account for anonymity
I'm in a dilemma, let me start like this, when i and my husband first got married we did a joint business that fetched us a huge amount of money, the aim was to build a house, when we got the money, he decided to use his' for his parents (i had no problem with that) then mine for what we wanted to use it for

Two weeks ago we had a major misunderstanding, it was soo intense to the extent that he told me to park out of the house, in the heat of things i told him that cannot be possible that the house is in my name, he was shocked, saying it is impossible we built it together that it's in his name, i had to remind him what happened then, he was furious saying it was wrong of me to use my name, that he cant believe he has been staying in a house that does not belong to him, he told his family what i did claming victim, then he packed out saying he wont come home till i change the name to his full name, i begged him to no avail, i dont even know how to tell my people, imagine if it was in his name, i and the kids would have been out of the house by now, he has requested for transfer from his office to another state cos of this, who does that?? He cant expect me to change it to his name.

Pls i need other advise to go about this, he is a good man but he feels his ego has been bruised, i need other options.


MODIFIED For those viewing this, i have made some clarifications down to page (1),

HEseesall:
I had to open this account for anonymity
I'm in a dilemma, let me start like this, when i and my husband first got married we did a joint business that fetched us a huge amount of money, the aim was to build a house, when we got the money, he decided to use his' for his parents (i had no problem with that) then mine for what we wanted to use it for

Two weeks ago we had a major misunderstanding, it was soo intense to the extent that he told me to park out of the house, in the heat of things i told him that cannot be possible that the house is in my name, he was shocked, saying it is impossible we built it together that it's in his name, i had to remind him what happened then, he was furious saying it was wrong of me to use my name, that he cant believe he has been staying in a house that does not belong to him, he told his family what i did claming victim, then he packed out saying he wont come home till i change the name to his full name, i begged him to no avail, i dont even know how to tell my people, imagine if it was in his name, i and the kids would have been out of the house by now, he has requested for transfer from his office to another state cos of this, who does that?? He cant expect me to change it to his name.

Pls i need other advise to go about this, he is a good man but he feels his ego has been bruised, i need other options.


MODIFIED For those viewing this, i have made some clarifications down to page (1),

LewsTherin:
Ok, got that.

Now like I said, normally, I am all for playing the fool in a relationship but your husband has set a bad precedent. First, he changed a joint agreement meant for your joint family in favour of his own family. Then he kicked you out of his house (as he thought it was). Then he insists you use your share of a joint decision, a decision that he reneged on, for his own benefit. Insisted on that twice ie before he knew it was in yiur name and after he knew it was in your name.

That is not good. Basically he has shown he is willing to abandon you and your kids if he “feels” like it. Sweetheart, no offense intended, but you don't have a good husband.

My advice to you and those in similar straits is
First, pray for your husband. Pray for God to change his person, to change his ways. If he claims to be a Christian, he sure as heck isn't showing Christ-like characters

Plan for your kids. Not to the exemption of your husband, but until he shows he can be different, plan to be able to live without him for your kids. I didn't say leave him. I said to be able to live without him. Different things.

Like you have been adviced, get an independent third party to mediate and see how that goes. I understand why you don't want to let your family know but it is dicey if they don't especially as he has involved his family from the beginning. I don't agree, but I understand. Maybe a compromise will be to tell your dad. Not your mum, not your sisters. Women by nature are very emotional and they can let their emotions overwhelm them. Tell your dad in confidence and ask him to keep it that way.

Finally, under no circumstances whatsoever should you add his name to that document. In mediations, the best you should do is to place the property in a trust for your children. Children! Not you, not him, not Mr and Mrs. Put it in the names of ALL your kids with a caveat that it cannot be sold by any one until all kids are above 18 years old.

Most of all, seek mediation and pray a lot for him.

My own advice.

HEseesall:
I had to open this account for anonymity
I'm in a dilemma, let me start like this, when i and my husband first got married we did a joint business that fetched us a huge amount of money, the aim was to build a house, when we got the money, he decided to use his' for his parents (i had no problem with that) then mine for what we wanted to use it for

Two weeks ago we had a major misunderstanding, it was soo intense to the extent that he told me to park out of the house, in the heat of things i told him that cannot be possible that the house is in my name, he was shocked, saying it is impossible we built it together that it's in his name, i had to remind him what happened then, he was furious saying it was wrong of me to use my name, that he cant believe he has been staying in a house that does not belong to him, he told his family what i did claming victim, then he packed out saying he wont come home till i change the name to his full name, i begged him to no avail, i dont even know how to tell my people, imagine if it was in his name, i and the kids would have been out of the house by now, he has requested for transfer from his office to another state cos of this, who does that?? He cant expect me to change it to his name.

Pls i need other advise to go about this, he is a good man but he feels his ego has been bruised, i need other options.


MODIFIED For those viewing this, i have made some clarifications down to page (1),

HEseesall:
I had to open this account for anonymity
I'm in a dilemma, let me start like this, when i and my husband first got married we did a joint business that fetched us a huge amount of money, the aim was to build a house, when we got the money, he decided to use his' for his parents (i had no problem with that) then mine for what we wanted to use it for

Two weeks ago we had a major misunderstanding, it was soo intense to the extent that he told me to park out of the house, in the heat of things i told him that cannot be possible that the house is in my name, he was shocked, saying it is impossible we built it together that it's in his name, i had to remind him what happened then, he was furious saying it was wrong of me to use my name, that he cant believe he has been staying in a house that does not belong to him, he told his family what i did claming victim, then he packed out saying he wont come home till i change the name to his full name, i begged him to no avail, i dont even know how to tell my people, imagine if it was in his name, i and the kids would have been out of the house by now, he has requested for transfer from his office to another state cos of this, who does that?? He cant expect me to change it to his name.

Pls i need other advise to go about this, he is a good man but he feels his ego has been bruised, i need other options.


MODIFIED For those viewing this, i have made some clarifications down to page (1),

folly22:
Let them all know o and let him be aware they all know about it in case he wants to try another stunt in the future, those people can calm his nerves down. Pls consider using Mr and Mrs but if at all you concluded on making him the sole owner, let my people be aware of it, as many as possible sef

adubiay:
One major problem we have in Africa is that we don't pay attention to details before we start saying rubbish, @op said she bought the LAND with her money in her name, but they BOTH contributed to build the house. I guess the husband never knew the land is in the wife's name when he was pumping his money into the project, that might have formed basis for his anger, though he is over reacting, pls madam don't scatter your marriage based on some advise here from children who are not married, admit you are wrong by putting only your name, and bring your husband back home. You have ego too, so ur caption here that your husband has ego is wrong.

HEseesall:
I had to open this account for anonymity
I'm in a dilemma, let me start like this, when i and my husband first got married we did a joint business that fetched us a huge amount of money, the aim was to build a house, when we got the money, he decided to use his' for his parents (i had no problem with that) then mine for what we wanted to use it for

Two weeks ago we had a major misunderstanding, it was soo intense to the extent that he told me to park out of the house, in the heat of things i told him that cannot be possible that the house is in my name, he was shocked, saying it is impossible we built it together that it's in his name, i had to remind him what happened then, he was furious saying it was wrong of me to use my name, that he cant believe he has been staying in a house that does not belong to him, he told his family what i did claming victim, then he packed out saying he wont come home till i change the name to his full name, i begged him to no avail, i dont even know how to tell my people, imagine if it was in his name, i and the kids would have been out of the house by now, he has requested for transfer from his office to another state cos of this, who does that?? He cant expect me to change it to his name.

Pls i need other advise to go about this, he is a good man but he feels his ego has been bruised, i need other options.


MODIFIED For those viewing this, i have made some clarifications down to page (1),

LewsTherin:
Ok, got that.

Now like I said, normally, I am all for playing the fool in a relationship but your husband has set a bad precedent. First, he changed a joint agreement meant for your joint family in favour of his own family. Then he kicked you out of his house (as he thought it was). Then he insists you use your share of a joint decision, a decision that he reneged on, for his own benefit. Insisted on that twice ie before he knew it was in yiur name and after he knew it was in your name.

That is not good. Basically he has shown he is willing to abandon you and your kids if he “feels” like it. Sweetheart, no offense intended, but you don't have a good husband.

My advice to you and those in similar straits is
First, pray for your husband. Pray for God to change his person, to change his ways. If he claims to be a Christian, he sure as heck isn't showing Christ-like characters

Plan for your kids. Not to the exemption of your husband, but until he shows he can be different, plan to be able to live without him for your kids. I didn't say leave him. I said to be able to live without him. Different things.

Like you have been adviced, get an independent third party to mediate and see how that goes. I understand why you don't want to let your family know but it is dicey if they don't especially as he has involved his family from the beginning. I don't agree, but I understand. Maybe a compromise will be to tell your dad. Not your mum, not your sisters. Women by nature are very emotional and they can let their emotions overwhelm them. Tell your dad in confidence and ask him to keep it that way.

Finally, under no circumstances whatsoever should you add his name to that document. In mediations, the best you should do is to place the property in a trust for your children. Children! Not you, not him, not Mr and Mrs. Put it in the names of ALL your kids with a caveat that it cannot be sold by any one until all kids are above 18 years old.

Most of all, seek mediation and pray a lot for him.

My own advice.

Olabestonic001:
Most of you are really easily deceived. Women are good wordsmith and knows how to get the narrative to favor their desired end.

I've a feeling that she's not telling us alot. She said from the proceeds of the business, the man used his 'own part' (I'm damned sure they both agreed) to save the life of her father-in-law. The other was used to purchase a land and she (thinking she's smarter) bought it in her name. The husband never knew such.

The man apparently thought he had a great wife- began to judiciously pumped money into the land and a house 'germinated' outta it. One day, they had a sharp disagreement and she reminded the man that he had no portion in the property. He became angry and left the house. She tried to 'give the olive branch' but he was still stunned. The issue wasn't looking good.
She most likely reminded him that he 'squandered' his own share on his 'family' and that caused him to wonder what his wife was driving at.

He annoyingly and foolishly asked for a transfer away. She got wind of it and discovered that that man some of you foolishly called wicked for his 'stupid' request wasn't nearly as bad. He still provides for the family and leaving her in the 'big house' she is claiming is too much for her to bare. A divorce is looming! Worst still, even with the house, she still doesn't have the upper hand. So, she came here, gave her version so that people will queue behind her. And boy, are they?

Woman, let me tell you; you definitely know you betrayed and have wronged that man. He used a part of your deal to take care of his father and felt your agreement meant you loved his father! Your action to make the land in your name and you saw him dancing that he's building a family house not knowing he isn't is a bad choice ma. He himself is a man that needs wisdom.

Kindly go back to your man and ensure you show remorsefulness for betraying him while he takes care of his parents (remember, they're yours too). Don't mind those cheering you on here. Many of them don't understand marriage but takes it for agitation. And if you want to remain married, show genuine repentance and you'll be shocked he won't even ask you to change it to his name again.

God will save your home.

HEseesall:
The property only is in my name but we built it together

dingbang:
How did you manage to put your name as the owner or the house without letting him know? You are a snitch

Olabestonic001:
Most of you are really easily deceived. Women are good wordsmith and knows how to get the narrative to favor their desired end.

I've a feeling that she's not telling us alot. She said from the proceeds of the business, the man used his 'own part' (I'm damned sure they both agreed) to save the life of her father-in-law. The other was used to purchase a land and she (thinking she's smarter) bought it in her name. The husband never knew such.

The man apparently thought he had a great wife- began to judiciously pumped money into the land and a house 'germinated' outta it. One day, they had a sharp disagreement and she reminded the man that he had no portion in the property. He became angry and left the house. She tried to 'give the olive branch' but he was still stunned. The issue wasn't looking good.
She most likely reminded him that he 'squandered' his own share on his 'family' and that caused him to wonder what his wife was driving at.

He annoyingly and foolishly asked for a transfer away. She got wind of it and discovered that that man some of you foolishly called wicked for his 'stupid' request wasn't nearly as bad. He still provides for the family and leaving her in the 'big house' she is claiming is too much for her to bare. A divorce is looming! Worst still, even with the house, she still doesn't have the upper hand. So, she came here, gave her version so that people will queue behind her. And boy, are they?

Woman, let me tell you; you definitely know you betrayed and have wronged that man. He used a part of your deal to take care of his father and felt your agreement meant you loved his father! Your action to make the land in your name and you saw him dancing that he's building a family house not knowing he isn't is a bad choice ma. He himself is a man that needs wisdom.

Kindly go back to your man and ensure you show remorsefulness for betraying him while he takes care of his parents (remember, they're yours too). Don't mind those cheering you on here. Many of them don't understand marriage but takes it for agitation. And if you want to remain married, show genuine repentance and you'll be shocked he won't even ask you to change it to his name again.

God will save your home.

adubiay:
One major problem we have in Africa is that we don't pay attention to details before we start saying rubbish, @op said she bought the LAND with her money in her name, but they BOTH contributed to build the house. I guess the husband never knew the land is in the wife's name when he was pumping his money into the project, that might have formed basis for his anger, though he is over reacting, pls madam don't scatter your marriage based on some advise here from children who are not married, admit you are wrong by putting only your name, and bring your husband back home. You have ego too, so ur caption here that your husband has ego is wrong.

HRHQueenPhil:
wow, dis is serious
1. invite ur pastor or someone he highly respects and a lawyer.

2. kneel down and beg him in their midst and ask d lawyer 2 change it 2 his name.( this is if u want peace}

now, if u are scared he would turn around and throw u out l8a,
1. call a lawyer and file for a divorce
2. sell d house, invest d money and move 2 a smaller house

It is well with u

babadee1:
Your husband is not a good person. He's extremely selfish and proud. Maybe it's good for both of you to take a break for a while. Let him figure out if what he wants is a house or a family. And you can also take the time to figure out whether this marriage is actually worth it for you. Give it a few weeks you'll be able to think more clearly by then.

HEseesall:
I had to open this account for anonymity
I'm in a dilemma, let me start like this, when i and my husband first got married we did a joint business that fetched us a huge amount of money, the aim was to build a house, when we got the money, he decided to use his' for his parents (i had no problem with that) then mine for what we wanted to use it for

Two weeks ago we had a major misunderstanding, it was soo intense to the extent that he told me to park out of the house, in the heat of things i told him that cannot be possible that the house is in my name, he was shocked, saying it is impossible we built it together that it's in his name, i had to remind him what happened then, he was furious saying it was wrong of me to use my name, that he cant believe he has been staying in a house that does not belong to him, he told his family what i did claming victim, then he packed out saying he wont come home till i change the name to his full name, i begged him to no avail, i dont even know how to tell my people, imagine if it was in his name, i and the kids would have been out of the house by now, he has requested for transfer from his office to another state cos of this, who does that?? He cant expect me to change it to his name.

Pls i need other advise to go about this, he is a good man but he feels his ego has been bruised, i need other options.


MODIFIED For those viewing this, i have made some clarifications down to page (1),

Pataricatering:
the property was built with her money - read the article well ! He used his own money for his mother ! If he had built the house he would have put it in his own name so he can send her packing anytime - so why should she put his name on what she used her money to build ?

Olabestonic001:
Most of you are really easily deceived. Women are good wordsmith and knows how to get the narrative to favor their desired end.

I've a feeling that she's not telling us alot. She said from the proceeds of the business, the man used his 'own part' (I'm damned sure they both agreed) to save the life of her father-in-law. The other was used to purchase a land and she (thinking she's smarter) bought it in her name. The husband never knew such.

The man apparently thought he had a great wife- began to judiciously pumped money into the land and a house 'germinated' outta it. One day, they had a sharp disagreement and she reminded the man that he had no portion in the property. He became angry and left the house. She tried to 'give the olive branch' but he was still stunned. The issue wasn't looking good.
She most likely reminded him that he 'squandered' his own share on his 'family' and that caused him to wonder what his wife was driving at.

He annoyingly and foolishly asked for a transfer away. She got wind of it and discovered that that man some of you foolishly called wicked for his 'stupid' request wasn't nearly as bad. He still provides for the family and leaving her in the 'big house' she is claiming is too much for her to bare. A divorce is looming! Worst still, even with the house, she still doesn't have the upper hand. So, she came here, gave her version so that people will queue behind her. And boy, are they?

Woman, let me tell you; you definitely know you betrayed and have wronged that man. He used a part of your deal to take care of his father and felt your agreement meant you loved his father! Your action to make the land in your name and you saw him dancing that he's building a family house not knowing he isn't is a bad choice ma. He himself is a man that needs wisdom.

Kindly go back to your man and ensure you show remorsefulness for betraying him while he takes care of his parents (remember, they're yours too). Don't mind those cheering you on here. Many of them don't understand marriage but takes it for agitation. And if you want to remain married, show genuine repentance and you'll be shocked he won't even ask you to change it to his name again.

God will save your home.