₦airaland Forum

Yankee101:
Cos women stay longer with kids when men go out to hustle. And the women sell their narrative as the truth. Men are not expressive.

When you walk into a room an your parents are arguing the mum starts crying and the child innocently think tears means innocence and a lack of them means guilt. So the father is always guilty by default.

Sometimes it's too late before the kids realize their mothers have been lying or misleading them by words, actions, innuendos and body language. Kids realize only after they become parents themselves that there can't always be just one wrong person in a relationship. But by this time the dad is old, heart broken and most likely to die sooner than the woman because his heart has been wrongly accused and he never defended himself for one day. He'll rather be the devil than argue or shatter their child's wrong world that was shaped by a woman.

Do women in your city also don't go out to hustle??


I don't understand why you guys are typing because the man spends time providing and blah blah.

GRACEGLORY:
Any father who is under appreciated should check himself. Mine has always been over appreciated, and my children over appreciates me too.

who asked you? Mtcheeeeew

I looooooooooooove my Daddy..

eyinjuege:
So you mean you don't know any female bankers, doctors, practicing lawyers, people who sell things in the market?
Anyway, from now on, please do this assignment for me. Start noting the ratio of women to man you see in all places where money is being made, like the banks, hospitals, offices, markets, schools and all other service provision places. Please do that.
Remind me of your findings after 1 week.
Don't forget, many of these people are also married with families o.

I was actually joking.. Anyways lots of women work in Nigeria but that's not the problem, the problem is they don't contribute financially to the running of the home.


Why would I say women don't work? My wife has a job so I wouldn't say that.


You should've understood what I meant earlier.

zinnydan:
I love my father and I really appreciate him

I like who I am seeing in ur dp. Are you the one?

...... because the children are brainless enough not to understand that it was their father who picked the right mum for them.

The hardest thing to do in life is to pick the right partner for marriage.

As a man, if you are an illiterate pick an over Sabi, If you are spiritually broke, pick a mountain-of-fire-shekinah-glory sister. Make sure you pick a gap-filler.

However, if you are financially broke, abeg relocate to your village and marry because these na-Dem-dey-rush-us babes will surely show you pepper.

bizza45:
fathers are really under-appreciated I know that but children tends to draw close to their mum cos they see her everyday and everytime and also women sabi change d mind of her pikin. she paints herself good and d man bad..

Thats often true... bt fathers also contribute(some fathers exibit negative attitudes towards their wives in the presence of their children unknown to them that kids pay close attention to them...

Why on earth should i appreciate a father who was never there for his children?

A father hides under the excuse he is making money for the family and ignores his rship with his children. no bond between him and his children.

A mother will work and also balance the rship btw her and her children.

who is to blame here?

Icecreamy:
That norm of father going to work and mother always with the children doesn't exist anymore. In most families both parents go to work, if children don't appreciate their fathers, I don't think it has anything to do with him going to work, there are probably other reasons.

But I believe most children appreciate both parents.

Thanks for this little piece.infact,in most cases,Women are now the bread winners

Elder001:
I was actually joking.. Anyways lots of women work in Nigeria but that's not the problem, the problem is they don't contribute financially to the running of the home.


Why would I say women don't work? My wife has a job so I wouldn't say that.
You should've have understood what I meant earlier.

That's not true.
They contribute wella.
I know many female bankers who are the breadwinners in their homes.
Many female Drs who are major contributors.
And many other women in various walks of life
Do you think these women just work to take vacations? Majority of them can't even afford vacations due to the financial responsibilities on them.

some fathers no be am...someone should judge this case for me please and tell me if i am wrong.

My mom came back from the US of recent after spending some time with my elder sis. She stayed in my place and she brought with her two iphones. after I had tried to do some work on the iPhone so we can use it here in Nigeria, the guy who helped us to do it finally brought it back. My Dad quickly collected one of the phone's that was working and told my mum over three times, not to give it to anybody even after noticing I had interest in one of the phones.

I was a bit uncomfortable with the statement coz it was as if he was directing it to me. Meanwhile he was busy asking me to come and show him how to operate the phone. So I got up and told him I didn't like it. I asked him these questions, Is it wrong for my mom to give me her property? Isn't she my mum, don't I have a right to enjoy what is hers? why tell her not to give it to anybody repeatedly?

My elder sis who was there began to tell me I should shut up that my dad is in a better position to enjoy my mum's property than me. I was disappointed and i asked her out of my house. i felt her statement was wrong. She was biased and wasn't saying the truth. mum didn't say anything.

My dad is fond of trying to stop my mum from helping me many times even when I was in school. He doesn't earn any money and would not be happy that my mum is helping him provide for his family.

I can buy an iPhone if i want but I am angry because I feel my father should allow me enjoy my mother's generosity the same way my father enjoyed that of his aged mum when the woman was alive.

An uncle of mine is undergoing this now.
.......he has kids who are graduates on is surgron.....the wife was a full housewife and she is still a full housewife till tomorow.....she poision d heart of this children by telling dem their dad was occultic.....the man is now old and broke.....but d children are secretly sending money to their mum.......he was almost begging to survive b4 ....the entire village steped into the matter......and today d man is enjoying his old age..

.......the villagers drove d woman away......

Much Love to my father (Hero)

Elder001:
I was actually joking.. Anyways lots of women work in Nigeria but that's not the problem, the problem is they don't contribute financially to the running of the home.


Why would I say women don't work? My wife has a job so I wouldn't say that.


You should've understood what I meant earlier.

You sir is wrong on this.Many women run their homes.i know many of them who do.Not just on the aspect of making money but running it.ie paying school fees,bills etc.Even some who do not run it,contribute at least 40% unless you are talking about the rich.This is because no average Nigerian home runs solely on the mans pocket.Facts

i love my father he is a rare gem

When I was a kid, me and my siblings always want our father to die. But unfortunately to us it was our mother whom we loved so much that died. My father is still alive approaching 90yrs now.

elninosanz:
The answer is simple. Most men take care of the physical needs, and leave taking care of the emotional, intellectual and spiritual needs to the wife. Children by nature tend to appreciate the person who takes care of their emotional needs because they don't understand what it takes to provide food on the table. It is until a child begins to earn money himself(or herself) after University that they begin to understand how difficult the job of providing is. That's why most times children tend to appreciate Fathers more later on in life

Having said that, a Man is the head of the Family. He must provide not just for the physical needs of the child, but must find TIME to provide for the overall well-being of the child. I understand how tough the country is, and doing both is definitely difficult. However, we MUST find ways of trying, or else our children will become delinquent.

What you said is very true! I only started appreciating my dad last year when making money for myself

I'm taking in his monetary footsteps and now understand why he took many decisions he did when i was younger

enemyofprogress:
who asked you? Mtcheeeeew

Your monicker betrays you

Mustiboy:
A father is the breadwinner of the family. He wakes up for work while the rest of the family are still fast asleep and comes back late at night when they must have gone to bed. All this he does to put food on the table for his family. Then why do the children get to shower him little or no love at all? The answer to this question may vary according to individual perspective.

As the child grows up, it gets emotionally connected to the one who is always around- the mother. Children tend to forget someone whom they don’t always see, or at worst, feel insecure with his/her presence. Does this explain the under-appreciation of fathers? Not entirely. Another point of view to this issue is the African mothers. You may ask what the mother has got to do with this, well, it’s quite simple: the African mother has a way of presenting the father in a non-pleasant way to the children. Let’s take this scenario as a case study : the children of John, who is away at work, come back from school and tell their mother they need money to buy the items needed for their forthcoming practicals in school. The mother tell God will provide, as it is the way of Africans. Later in the night, when the father has arrived from work tired and exhausted, she tells him, while in bed, about the need of the children and the husband provides as it is his responsibility. The mother then gives the children what they need and never tells them where the money came from. With this, the children feel safe confiding in their mother for their financial needs because they believe she is the one providing for them.

Fathers have a lot of work to do in registering their presence in their respective families. It is never enough to be there financially, the children need more of love and support. The mother also has a crucial role to play in helping the child appreciate the father. She needs to explain to the child why the father cannot always be around and make it understand that it cares. The father, on the other hand, should try to build a subtle relationship with the children and not to be too dictational and fierce with the children in order not to scare them away. As a father, make your children know you love them, take them out on vacations, pay attention to them, and most essentially, keep contact with them when you’re around and when you’re not. The child needs you to be at your best, dad!

Why do you think fathers are under-appreciated?

My father is the best gift from God to me and really appreciate his with all my heart.

GRACEGLORY:
Your monicker betrays you

who asked you? Mtcheeeeew

Elder001:
Do women in your city also don't go out to hustle??


I don't understand why you guys are typing because the man spends time providing and blah blah.

In Africa abi which country/continent?

In the most of Northern Nigeria for example the 'Kuleh' or purdah system prohibits women from going out at all except accompanied. You can talk political correctness about equality of women and their role in providing or your can read hard statistics worldwide.

I live in the United States and men still do most of the heavy lifting except in African American communities where incarceration of the black man is the highest of any demography (for reasons that are different but also related as the men are raised mostly by females) and the women take the jobs.


So what's your question again?

Tonymario58:
Any house where the father is under-appreciated, the mother should be blamed in most cases

The mother of the hux must have ridicule the man in his absence......

Keneeby:
When I was a kid, me and my siblings always want our father to die. But unfortunately to us it was our mother whom we loved so much that died. My father is still alive approaching 90yrs now.

Na so life day b
Just accept it

ima4sure:
An uncle of mine is undergoing this now.
.......he has kids who are graduates on is surgron.....the wife was a full housewife and she is still a full housewife till tomorow.....she poision d heart of this children by telling dem their dad was occultic.....the man is now old and broke.....but d children are secretly sending money to their mum.......he was almost begging to survive b4 ....the entire village steped into the matter......and today d man is enjoying his old age..

.......the villagers drove d woman away......

Women fear them bro
My old man was once a victim of that but it too d grace of god oo... Till today learnt alot from dat man.... He once told me "I am happy u guys (children) learnt life d hard way.

U fit be first class for school no means say u go b first class for u marriage o


Never tolerate nonsense from a lady

ekems2017:
Children are not blind to see that mothers are always there. Who stays awake at night with the child? Who sleeps in the hospital with the child? Who removes the best cloth from the bottom of the box, sell and give the money to the child to cater for the need at that time? Who goes extra mile to provide food? Who stays awake to pray for the child to mention but a few?
My dear fathers love their children but a mothers love can never be measured with that of a father. Even you op you know.

You have made some valid points. Well done!

Mustiboy:
A father is the breadwinner of the family. He wakes up for work while the rest of the family are still fast asleep and comes back late at night when they must have gone to bed. All this he does to put food on the table for his family. Then why do the children get to shower him little or no love at all? The answer to this question may vary according to individual perspective.

As the child grows up, it gets emotionally connected to the one who is always around- the mother. Children tend to forget someone whom they don’t always see, or at worst, feel insecure with his/her presence. Does this explain the under-appreciation of fathers? Not entirely. Another point of view to this issue is the African mothers. You may ask what the mother has got to do with this, well, it’s quite simple: the African mother has a way of presenting the father in a non-pleasant way to the children. Let’s take this scenario as a case study : the children of John, who is away at work, come back from school and tell their mother they need money to buy the items needed for their forthcoming practicals in school. The mother tell God will provide, as it is the way of Africans. Later in the night, when the father has arrived from work tired and exhausted, she tells him, while in bed, about the need of the children and the husband provides as it is his responsibility. The mother then gives the children what they need and never tells them where the money came from. With this, the children feel safe confiding in their mother for their financial needs because they believe she is the one providing for them.

Fathers have a lot of work to do in registering their presence in their respective families. It is never enough to be there financially, the children need more of love and support. The mother also has a crucial role to play in helping the child appreciate the father. She needs to explain to the child why the father cannot always be around and make it understand that it cares. The father, on the other hand, should try to build a subtle relationship with the children and not to be too dictational and fierce with the children in order not to scare them away. As a father, make your children know you love them, take them out on vacations, pay attention to them, and most essentially, keep contact with them when you’re around and when you’re not. The child needs you to be at your best, dad!

Why do you think fathers are under-appreciated?

From your write up,you had answered the question.let add by saying that the society had stereotyped fathers as being irresponsible although not all, who rarely have time for their family. Many fathers don't take responsibility of caring for their family. They spend their money and wealth on irrelevant things to the detriment of their home so you don't expect the society to appreciate them. As a father, your family comes first after your maker( for those who believe in God) as without them all your effort ends in futility.

elninosanz:
The answer is simple. Most men take care of the physical needs, and leave taking care of the emotional, intellectual and spiritual needs to the wife. Children by nature tend to appreciate the person who takes care of their emotional needs because they don't understand what it takes to provide food on the table. It is until a child begins to earn money himself(or herself) after University that they begin to understand how difficult the job of providing is. That's why most times children tend to appreciate Fathers more later on in life

Having said that, a Man is the head of the Family. He must provide not just for the physical needs of the child, but must find TIME to provide for the overall well-being of the child. I understand how tough the country is, and doing both is definitely difficult. However, we MUST find ways of trying, or else our children will become delinquent.

There are great responses to this nagging question out here but yours...yours takes the cake for me buddy. So true.

lielbree:
Bottom line truth is that men cheat too much. No matter how good u are as a husband in terms of providing, once u cheat your wife will be miserable except she's equally a cheat.

Once the kids sense their mom is miserable automatically they know daddy is the cause of the misery.

The become closer to mom and end up tolerating their dad at best or even hating him.

So if u want your wife and kids to appreciate u stop cheating! My father in law is always so proud to say to his sons that he was married to his wife for 50years an NEVER cheated!!! They had 7soms and 3daughters... it is possible to stay faithful

You sounded like a cheat.

alexistaiwo:
It is simply because most fathers don't care to establish any emotional connection with their children.

Only a mother will scold her child, spank him/her and in the next 20 minutes, she will find a way to draw the child close to explain why she had to discipline the child.

30 minutes later, the child has forgotten the beating, only the lessons remain in memory.





How many fathers can do that?

Fathers are meant to be the disciplinarians in the families.

Tonymario58:
Any house where the father is under-appreciated, the mother should be blamed in most cases

You cannot be more correct.