Reading through different literatures and news,there has been an increase in the rate of infidelity among married people..and
my question has been

1.why will a married individual cheat?
2.How can you say you live your spouse but still cheat on them?.it doesn't make sense


Now there are plethora of reasons why people cheat,some of which are:

1.abuse(emotional and physical)
2.inability for one partner to satisfy the other
sexually.
3.financial problems.
4.Some people are just plain flirts and can be manipulated


my question is why not separate or divorce if you have problems? why do you still stay in the marriage and sleep around?.. I see cheaters as been selfish and who want the best of two worlds.you want a spouse and kids and still someone who will warm your bed and heart

if you know you can't stay with one person please don't marry,you can still enjoy your life without been married...marriage has been degraded over the years unfortunately

Honesty and faithfulness pays.I seee people preaching forgiveness every time one partner cheats,it is easier to forgive than to forget.

will I still be able to trust a wife who I have been faithful with for so long but who choose to cheat on me..yes I can forgive..but then will I forget?....will I trust her again?... can it ever be the same between us?..will I stop thinking about it?

these are some of the problems people who are cheated on have?...trust issues.if trust is removed from marriage,then what remains?


Finally, my advise to married people and soon-to-be married people is that ,don't do anything that will break the trust your spouse have.... if you do...it will hunt you for a long time..stay away from cheating.. be faithful,loyal and honest to your spouse. If you can be faithful,plaee don't marry,marriage is a bond.


Cc.Dominique
Cc.mynd44

Well said op.. Nice one.

Personally I just need a child or two to call my own. I can go to a motherless baby home when I am fully financially stable or look for a guy that likes me and have him impregnate me provided I take care of the baby.

This life is very very simple. After some men would have spent 800k on wedding and bride price, the woman will still cheat and bring bad luck to her husband.

Seriously Marriage is over rated

Wilfredpat22:
Personally I just need a child or two to call my own. I can go to a motherless baby home when I am fully financially stable or look for a guy that likes me and have him impregnate me provided I take care of the baby.

This life is very very simple. After some men would have spent 800k on wedding and bride price, the woman will still cheat and bring bad luck to her husband.

Seriously Marriage is over rated

Good...I understand your angle..I don't get why people will marry and cheat?.. if people can't stay faithful ,then let them not marry.. to marry is not by force... be single and cheat..no one will say anything.....how can we long be our spouse and cheat on them?..doesn't make sense!!!. happy weekend

johndwayy:
Well said op.. Nice one.

thank you

Those things you listed up there are not true.

We cheat because we want to cheat.

We don't cheat because of what people cannot do for us.

That is giving someone the remote of your life.

It is like telling someone, "you just made me angry right there, I want to die"....& then you kill yourself.

Wilfredpat22:
Personally I just need a child or two to call my own. I can go to a motherless baby home when I am fully financially stable or look for a guy that likes me and have him impregnate me provided I take care of the baby.

This life is very very simple. After some men would have spent 800k on wedding and bride price, the woman will still cheat and bring bad luck to her husband.

Seriously Marriage is over rated

If you've seen the joy of having two parents or a united family bonded by love you won't ask for this. Trust me.

Uchenaija:
Those things you listed up there are not true.

We cheat because we want to cheat.

We don't cheat because of what people cannot do for us.

That is giving someone the remote of your life.

It is like telling someone, "you just made me angry right there, I want to die"....& then you kill yourself.

cheating is bad..that is the head and tail and my epistle

Uchenaija:


If you've seen the joy of having two parents or a united family bonded by love you won't ask for this. Trust me.

I agree..but it is far better to have separated parents than have a"united family " that cheating is the order of the day. I wouldn't be able to look either of my parents who has cheated on their other half in the face kindly

Uchenaija:


If you've seen the joy of having two parents or a united family bonded by love you won't ask for this. Trust me.

I am from a broken home. There is no love in this world sir

Wilfredpat22:
Personally I just need a child or two to call my own. I can go to a motherless baby home when I am fully financially stable or look for a guy that likes me and have him impregnate me provided I take care of the baby.

This life is very very simple. After some men would have spent 800k on wedding and bride price, the woman will still cheat and bring bad luck to her husband.

Seriously Marriage is over rated

Wouldn't you rather have your own experience and try your best to build a better relationship/marriage than relying and assuming that marriage is overrated? Even if you are from a broken home doesn't mean you will experience such in your own life and it's not also proper to generalize.

Another unfair assumption.

Wilfredpat22:


I am from a broken home. There is no love in this world sir

johndwayy:

Wouldn't you rather have your own experience and try your best to build a better relationship/marriage than relying and assuming that marriage is overrated? Even if you are from a broken home doesn't mean you will experience such in your own life and it's not also proper to generalize.

Mr John or whatever you call yourself just keep quiet because you don’t know the effect of my parents marriage or my previous failed relationship has done to me. So just swerve off my mention if you don’t have anything sensible to say

Go and make money and stop disturbing females on social media

Wilfredpat22:


I am from a broken home. There is no love in this world sir

Seriously, I don't really know what to say to you dear.

I know it can be disheartening for you. I know it's painful.

All I can say is that I've seen hundreds of people who have had solid families.

They might be in the minority, but then even if they whole world is sinking into dysfunctional families, some have succeeded.

I know you have your choice to make, I know you'd get the best too.

So just dream for the best, and go for whatever that makes you happy.

The sin of cheating is a very unforgivable sin.

TonyeBarcanista:
The sin of cheating is a very unforgivable sin.

I agree sir

Bros.. There's no sin that's unforgiveable.. Nothing happens without a reason. Besides, what's the guarantee that the next relationship you are moving to will be devoid of cheating or dishonesty?

TonyeBarcanista:
The sin of cheating is a very unforgivable sin.

johndwayy:
Bros.. There's no sin that's unforgiveable.. Nothing happens without a reason. Besides, what's the guarantee that the next relationship you are moving to will be devoid of cheating or dishonesty?

please and please..there is absolute no good reason to cheat.....if there are problems..you walk away!!!!..cheating is dishonesty and unfaithfulness......even if one forgives a cheating partner,will one forget the act..will one still be able to trust them?......

Now I understand why you are this bitter and completely generalize that there's no love in this world anymore. But just like Uchenaija has said to you, there are many people with solid relationships and solid families, and it's very possible for you achieve it and be happy.
Because you've had a failed relationship and from a broken home doesn't mean you have to assume there's no love again in this world or give up on relationship or marriage. Everyday here on nairaland and across social media, we hear different stories of how people have been cheated on, manipulated and deceived, yours is not in isolation and it happens almost every time. But does it mean we will assume and conclude that there's no love again or people are not experiencing blissful relationships or families?
Please free your mind from hate and bitterness... Forgiveness is key, push yourself to forgive your parents and your partner that hurt you in your previous relationship and open your mind to experience peace and bliss... This life is beautiful!
Thanks for the advice, I'm making money already and I don't disturb females on social media.

Wilfredpat22:


Mr John or whatever you call yourself just keep quiet because you don’t know the effect of my parents marriage or my previous failed relationship has done to me. So just swerve off my mention if you don’t have anything sensible to say

Go and make money and stop disturbing females on social media

babyfaceafrica:
please and please..there is absolute no good reason to cheat.....if there are problems..you walk away!!!!..cheating is dishonesty and unfaithfulness......even if one forgives a cheating partner,will one forget the act..will one still be able to trust them?......

Of course, there's never a good reason to cheat as well as hurt your partner or spouse in anyway.. Not just cheating. That's the truth. I don't have any problem with cheating, but it's persistent cheating and the unwillingness to change and seek help. As for the issue of trust, it can be rebuilt and earned with time... As long as your partner that cheated is willing and committed to it. I am speaking from personal experience and I know what I'm saying.

johndwayy:

Of course, there's never a good reason to cheat as well as hurt your partner or spouse in anyway.. Not just cheating. That's the truth. I don't have any problem with cheating, but it's persistent cheating and the unwillingness to change and seek help. As for the issue of trust, it can be rebuilt and earned with time... As long as your partner that cheated is willing and committed to it. I am speaking from personal experience and I know what I'm saying.

most people that cheat do so because of selfishness.. and most cheaters rarely change.They just become more careful.Well I don't know your trust level..mine is high!!..I don't trust people easily,but once I trust you, I can do anything for you, and once you betray that trust it will take a very long time to mend...people should just avoid hurting their partner,even after forgiveness, it won't be the same ever!!

babyfaceafrica:
most people that cheat do so because of selfishness.. and most cheaters rarely change.They just become more careful.Well I don't know your trust level..mine is high!!..I don't trust people easily,but once I trust you, I can do anything for you, and once you betray that trust it will take a very long time to mend...people should just avoid hurting their partner,even after forgiveness, it won't be the same ever!!

Yes oh, those chronic cheaters just become more careful when caught. But I believe in second chance particularly if the person is showing signs of being sorry and regret. We are humans and can find ourselves doing some things that ordinarily and normally we preach against and abhor.. Mistakes happen, cheating is not exclusive. But if your partner is willing and ready to get help and change, then why not forgive and move on with the relationship, with time, trust will become normal as it was before. Why I'm saying all this is, there's no guarantee that your next relationship or partner won't cheat, so is that how one will be jumping from relationship to relationship? If someone is committed to a relationship and cheats "mistakenly", if the person is sorry about his/her actions and regrets it and also willing and ready to change and get help.. Why not continue and help the person? Besides, love covers all.

johndwayy:
Bros.. There's no sin that's unforgiveable.. Nothing happens without a reason. Besides, what's the guarantee that the next relationship you are moving to will be devoid of cheating or dishonesty?

To you abi?

As long as I am concerned, the sin of cheating is highly unforgivable one and is not subject to dialogue of any form.

PS: I don't give second chance even if she summon my grand-ancestors to intervene

Thanks

johndwayy:

Yes oh, those chronic cheaters just become more careful when caught. But I believe in second chance particularly if the person is showing signs of being sorry and regret. We are humans and can find ourselves doing some things that ordinarily and normally we preach against and abhor.. Mistakes happen, cheating is not exclusive. But if your partner is willing and ready to get help and change, then why not forgive and move on with the relationship, with time, trust will become normal as it was before. Why I'm saying all this is, there's no guarantee that your next relationship or partner won't cheat, so is that how one will be jumping from relationship to relationship? If someone is committed to a relationship and cheats "mistakenly", if the person is sorry about his/her actions and regrets it and also willing and ready to change and get help.. Why not continue and help the person? Besides, love covers all.

lolz

No 1..no one cheats mistakenly.

No 2..yes there is no guarantee that the next partner will not cheat and there is also no guarantee that the cheater will change..it is all gamble

No 3...we all err and make mistakes and should take responsibility for what happens.

No 4...forgiving the cheater is easy,forgetting the act and not reacting is hard..I mean very hard.for example...you start doubting her every word and action...if she comes late,,you mind immediately thinks she has gone back to cheating, you start questioning her every move...there is simply no trust again

No 5..love does not conquer all...because if the cheater really lives you like they claim..she won't cheat!..I don't understand how you can love someone and still cheat on them..is that possible?


and lastly it is not easy to be faithful and loyal.. do you know how setback emotionally a partner will be when he finds out his partner cheated after all his efforts to stay loyal to her.Do you know some people cheat as a revenge.

TonyeBarcanista:
To you abi?

As long as I am concerned, the sin of cheating is highly unforgivable one and is not subject to dialogue of any form.

PS: I don't give second chance even if she summon my grand-ancestors to intervene

Thanks

you must be really a faithful man

Wilfredpat22:


Mr John or whatever you call yourself just keep quiet because you don’t know the effect of my parents marriage or my previous failed relationship has done to me. So just swerve off my mention if you don’t have anything sensible to say

Go and make money and stop disturbing females on social media

From this comment we can all assume that your experience has made you very bitter indeed. Life isn't so hard you know. There was nothing insulting in the guy's mention, but you're all of a sudden up in arms and contentious.

Take it easy.

Cheating in a relationship or marriage makes my skin crawl. Can't stand cheats.

Wilfredpat22:
Personally I just need a child or two to call my own. I can go to a motherless baby home when I am fully financially stable or look for a guy that likes me and have him impregnate me provided I take care of the baby.

This life is very very simple. After some men would have spent 800k on wedding and bride price, the woman will still cheat and bring bad luck to her husband.

Seriously Marriage is over rated

Women who cheat bring badluck to their husband

Are you for real

We are each responsible for our actions and will all face the consequences individually. If a person believes that his or her irresponsibility will only affect someone else, what is stopping them? Where is the accountability in our actions

Please such spreading such fallacy. A cheating woman (or man) is only cursing herself, not her husband.

babyfaceafrica:
lolz

No 1..no one cheats mistakenly.

No 2..yes there is no guarantee that the next partner will not cheat and there is also no guarantee that the cheater will change..it is all gamble

No 3...we all err and make mistakes and should take responsibility for what happens.

No 4...forgiving the cheater is easy,forgetting the act and not reacting is hard..I mean very hard.for example...you start doubting her every word and action...if she comes late,,you mind immediately thinks she has gone back to cheating, you start questioning her every move...there is simply no trust again

No 5..love does not conquer all...because if the cheater really lives you like they claim..she won't cheat!..I don't understand how you can love someone and still cheat on them..is that possible?


and lastly it is not easy to be faithful and loyal.. do you know how setback emotionally a partner will be when he finds out his partner cheated after all his efforts to stay loyal to her.Do you know some people cheat as a revenge.

Point of correction.. Love conquers all.. That's the truth. We as humans err daily and fall into errors.. But it's our willingness to change and become a better person that's what matters. There's no sin that's greater than any, they are all the same. Both cheating, manipulation, assault and abuse, dishonesty and lies etc... I'm not trying to hold brief for anyone oh, particularly perpetual cheaters, but if anyone does wrong and acknowledges his/her wrongdoing and also willing to change and turn a new leaf, why should the person not be forgiven and given a second chance? Yes, trust would definitely be reduced to zero level, but with time, actions, words and doings, and genuine commitment from the person that cheated, it'll gradually be restored and go back to normal.. I'm also talking from personal experience.
Have you asked yourself.. What if you cheat on your partner? Will you kill yourself and refuse to forgive yourself? I know cheating is not something that just happens, it's a process and very calculated and done in secrecy.. But the truth is, it does happen and can actually happen to anyone. So we should acknowledge all these and focus nore on the reason why it happened particularly if the person involved is showing signs of regret and repentance. Of course, it's easy to forgive but not to forget, because it's like a wound and trust was betrayed.. But I still maintain that if the person is genuinely sorry for his/her actions and shows it, becomes more open and transparent in everything he/she does, why not take back the person and start building trust? Instead going all over to start a new relationship with no guarantee whether the new partner won't cheat or not.
Lastly, any partner that lies, abuse or assaults, is dishonest, manipulates and have any of those negative stuffs will eventually cheat, cos the tendency is there. Cheating is not exclusive at all.

Very correct and true

UjuJoan2:


Women who cheat bring badluck to their husband

Are you for real

We are each responsible for our actions and will all face the consequences individually. If a person believes that his or her irresponsibility will only affect someone else, what is stopping them? Where is the accountability in our actions

Please such spreading such fallacy. A cheating woman (or man) is only cursing herself, not her husband.

TonyeBarcanista:
To you abi?

As long as I am concerned, the sin of cheating is highly unforgivable one and is not subject to dialogue of any form.

PS: I don't give second chance even if she summon my grand-ancestors to intervene

Thanks

LOL
Bros what if you're the one that cheated, won't you forgive yourself? This thing can happen to anyone, so let's be careful what we say.
I hate cheating and don't condone it.. But I also believe in forgiveness base on genuine repentance and willingness to get help. From comments here, it's as if someone that cheated has HIV and can't be a normal person again, because of the fallacious assumption that once a cheat is always a cheat.. It's not true and so unfortunate that that's what most of us believe.