₦airaland Forum

shakmati:
What kind of yeye advice is this? Can you please treat the issues he raised without this your load of toxicity? This forum provides the chance of being anonymous so the Op has not bared anything to you. He is only seeking advice. You are even telling him there are no other women out there! How myopic and self centred of you!

Op, have you sat your wife down and discussed the way you feel with her? If you are sincerely not interested in living with her again you better seperate from her before something evil happens. Sit with her and talk about it. To marry and live together is not a do or die affair. Or else you can break her neck one day in annoyance or she poisons you when she sees a man she prefers. In all this, make sure you always cater for your children. Living together with her or not.

Thanks bro. I didn't say I want divorce at all cost. I still care for her though but in fairness to her she only display this attitude when ever there is serious financial challenge. I believe a good woman should be able to endure tough time atimes without misbehaving.

Ralaji:
Please I was introduced to this forum by a brother.
Please kindly read my story and drop your advise.
I met this lady 6 years ago immediately I broke up with my last girl friend, she agreed to visit me after a month and we began to have intimacy on her 2nd or 3rd visit. By 4th month she started disturbing me that her parents want to meet me meanwhile she was a free giver whenever she visited,atimes she sleeps over in my place. There is this cool headed girl I was about sealing her deal then that she spoilt for me. On my first plan visit to her place she was not around I guessed she had a date with one of her guys which I got to know through our conversation over the phone, the guy actually camped her for 3 days but she lied to me that she was with her brother. Eventually I went to her place and I met with her mum and dad her dad had health challenge while her sister is staying in their house on the excuse that her husband works in another town but later got to know that she's having issues with her marriage. On that day its as if I was jazzed because I started doing anything herself and her mum ask me to do. While visiting she used to tell me about getting car that it would be nice and being someone that is so trusting and believing that she will do same to me, she also asked whether I have landed property which I said no. At my place of work there some cars that were place for auction then I applied for one and I was grant
She complained about my apartment she said the area is bushy I had to look for another apartment I even run to my mum for financial assistance over this.
While preparing for our wedding I funded most of the expenses they were able to do all these because my people do not stay in the city where we are.
After the wedding I was already in debt and she lost her job when it was like 2 weeks to our wedding.
After the wedding she told me that she had bought a car and that it was with her brother.
I began to spend on the car immediately her brother brought the car starting form number.
Some months after the wedding there was an occasion in their family and they share money I carried the highest being that her elder ones are jobless except 2 of them that are managing, she is the last among them.
Six months after our marriage we had our son. She stood on my neck with her mum that we should do all the shopping for the baby being the first born I eventually spent around #250k on this still in debt. Some of those things are useless today.
Around the time we had our baby she said her colleagues in school have started paying for school fees I said she should defer it till following year but her mum started begging eventually I put up my car for sale I never knew that her car is problem on its own which is sold to her by one of her boyfriends. The car is actually a used Nigeria car package for her like new at #600k being fanciful at that time and very presentable than my own we put mine for sale and his brother stylishly bought it from us to clear her school fees.
When she went for exams she came back with some new clothes which I knew were bought for her by her boyfriend.
She got some money from her uncle like 2 years ago she said she wants to travel abroad she spent all the money on the processing which eventually failed.
Around this time I lost my job too, but was able to get some money which I gave to her to go and get her result in school.
She help me get one temporary job which I did for 3 months but before I left ihelped her secure another job this is after 4 years of our marriage I also helped one of her brothers to get job too.
I got another too but lost it around may this year it is a deposit mobilization job so we were all asked to leave when we could not meet up with the target.
Around June my wife started misbehaving I started noticing that she's sleeping around I felt so bad I had to turn to God for serious prayer still hunting for job but God has been faithful in settling some bills.
I got a financial assistance from someone recently through her to pay for rent and children bills when she said she cannot help with the bill.
I feel so cheated and I even think divorce will be the best when I eventually get my life back on track but I don't want my kids to pass through what I went through because I'm a product of a polygamous settings.
Please don't mind my grammar kindly advise me, the did is done already.
Meanwhile the men of God have told me repeatedly that God says I should not revenge.

Please advise. Thanks.

i want to reach out but what i want to discuss is with you no offence.i may not be in the best position to make suggestions,but i am sure my little input may go a long way. lets discuss steppingup4lyf@gmail.com

divinelove:
Mr op u are not a firm man, u are the type that your wife can easily push around to get what she wants done financially. How on Earth can u spend 250k on baby shopping when u are still struggling. U also borrowed to do wedding as evident in the debt thereafter.

All Women are selfish, the only reason they love their husband is bc they provide for the family. Once u can't provide any woman will maltreat and disrespect his husband.

U only know the woman u are married to if u go out of job for a while.

Op the Bible says that a man that can't provide for his household is worst than an infidel and anyone that can't work should not eat. Now provision for family must be done with wisdom so your source don't run dry so u don't spend above your means while doing this.

Your inability to manage your finances and be firm and stick to budget has doomed u. When u marry a spender as wife and u are not firm in financial decisions then she will send u back to the village n move on before u know it.

Money is the center of all your problems plus unsupportive n faithful wife.

Honestly if I catch my wife with another man the marriage will be dissolved that day, that is the only thing I can't tolerate in marriage

if she must cheat then I better not catch her cheating ass bc I can't forgive that n the Bible will support me to divorce her.

Advice - learn to be a firm and assertive man

Thanks bro. I appreciate your contribution.

Ralaji:
Please I was introduced to this forum by a brother.
Please kindly read my story and drop your advise.
I met this lady 6 years ago immediately I broke up with my last girl friend, she agreed to visit me after a month and we began to have intimacy on her 2nd or 3rd visit. By 4th month she started disturbing me that her parents want to meet me meanwhile she was a free giver whenever she visited,atimes she sleeps over in my place. There is this cool headed girl I was about sealing her deal then that she spoilt for me. On my first plan visit to her place she was not around I guessed she had a date with one of her guys which I got to know through our conversation over the phone, the guy actually camped her for 3 days but she lied to me that she was with her brother. Eventually I went to her place and I met with her mum and dad her dad had health challenge while her sister is staying in their house on the excuse that her husband works in another town but later got to know that she's having issues with her marriage. On that day its as if I was jazzed because I started doing anything herself and her mum ask me to do. While visiting she used to tell me about getting car that it would be nice and being someone that is so trusting and believing that she will do same to me, she also asked whether I have landed property which I said no. At my place of work there some cars that were place for auction then I applied for one and I was granted.
She complained about my apartment she said the area is bushy I had to look for another apartment I even run to my mum for financial assistance over this.
While preparing for our wedding I funded most of the expenses they were able to do all these because my people do not stay in the city where we are.
After the wedding I was already in debt and she lost her job when it was like 2 weeks to our wedding.
After the wedding she told me that she had bought a car and that it was with her brother.
I began to spend on the car immediately her brother brought the car starting form number.
Some months after the wedding there was an occasion in their family and they share money I carried the highest being that her elder ones are jobless except 2 of them that are managing, she is the last among them.
Six months after our marriage we had our son. She stood on my neck with her mum that we should do all the shopping for the baby being the first born I eventually spent around #250k on this still in debt. Some of those things are useless today.
Around the time we had our baby she said her colleagues in school have started paying for school fees I said she should defer it till following year but her mum started begging eventually I put up my car for sale I never knew that her car is problem on its own which is sold to her by one of her boyfriends. The car is actually a used Nigeria car package for her like new at #600k being fanciful at that time and very presentable than my own we put mine for sale and his brother stylishly bought it from us to clear her school fees.
When she went for exams she came back with some new clothes which I knew were bought for her by her boyfriend.
She got some money from her uncle like 2 years ago she said she wants to travel abroad she spent all the money on the processing which eventually failed.
Around this time I lost my job too, but was able to get some money which I gave to her to go and get her result in school.
She help me get one temporary job which I did for 3 months but before I left ihelped her secure another job this is after 4 years of our marriage I also helped one of her brothers to get job too.
I got another too but lost it around may this year it is a deposit mobilization job so we were all asked to leave when we could not meet up with the target.
Around June my wife started misbehaving I started noticing that she's sleeping around I felt so bad I had to turn to God for serious prayer still hunting for job but God has been faithful in settling some bills.
I got a financial assistance from someone recently through her to pay for rent and children bills when she said she cannot help with the bill.
I feel so cheated and I even think divorce will be the best when I eventually get my life back on track but I don't want my kids to pass through what I went through because I'm a product of a polygamous settings.
Please don't mind my grammar kindly advise me, the did is done already.
Meanwhile the men of God have told me repeatedly that God says I should not revenge.

Please advise. Thanks.

my brother, i feel your pain.its not time for criticism. its time for solution. its not going to be easy.but it is possible.i want to reach out but what i want to discuss is with you no offence.i may not be in the best position to make suggestions,but i am sure my little input may go a long way. lets discuss steppingup4lyf@gmail.com

Steppingup4lyf:
my brother, i feel your pain.its not time for criticism. its time for solution. its not going to be easy.but it is possible.i want to reach out but what i want to discuss is with you no offence.i may not be in the best position to make suggestions,but i am sure my little input may go a long way. lets discuss steppingup4lyf@gmail.com

Bro please check your mailbox.

Ralaji:
Thanks bro. I appreciate your contribution.

U are welcome

I pray u get back on your feet financially as soon as possible in Jesus name.

Almost every woman will maltreat her husband if he goes jobless, so forgive your wife. But warn her about your zero tolerance for infidelity.

Ralaji:
Ok jesmond. Thanks o but have dated so many girls before her.

.

Dated and disappointed so many girls

That is how they will come and write matter that will paint them as saints, the woman is the problem, her only mistake was falling in love with you. You even call her a cheerful giver ( animashaun, anfani adugbo), you that had sex with a woman on second day of meeting her is a what?
May God forgive you and i pray your woman finds it easy to bear the shock she is about to get from you.

Ralaji:
Bro please check your mailbox.

have seen and replied

carammel:
That is how they will come and write matter that will paint them as saints, the woman is the problem, her only mistake was falling in love with you. You even call her a cheerful giver ( animashaun, anfani adugbo), you that had sex with a woman on second day of meeting her is a what?
May God forgive you and i pray your woman finds it easy to bear the shock she is about to get from you.

Madam. Thanks for your contribution but I never said I had sex with her on second day of our meeting but I said on her 2nd or 3rd visit which was more than a month after meeting her.Thanks all the same.

divinelove:
Mr op u are not a firm man, u are the type that your wife can easily push around to get what she wants done financially. How on Earth can u spend 250k on baby shopping when u are still struggling. U also borrowed to do wedding as evident in the debt thereafter.

All Women are selfish, the only reason they love their husband is bc they provide for the family. Once u can't provide any woman will maltreat and disrespect his husband.

U only know the woman u are married to if u go out of job for a while.

Op the Bible says that a man that can't provide for his household is worst than an infidel and anyone that can't work should not eat. Now provision for family must be done with wisdom so your source don't run dry so u don't spend above your means while doing this.

Your inability to manage your finances and be firm and stick to budget has doomed u. When u marry a spender as wife and u are not firm in financial decisions then she will send u back to the village n move on before u know it.

Money is the center of all your problems plus unsupportive n faithful wife.

Honestly if I catch my wife with another man the marriage will be dissolved that day, that is the only thing I can't tolerate in marriage

if she must cheat then I better not catch her cheating ass bc I can't forgive that n the Bible will support me to divorce her.

Advice - learn to be a firm and assertive man

I don't know You.But may God bless You for this Wisdom . @OP best advice so far.

yettymuse:
I have been trying to pen a word. I'm glad you took this out of my mouth. Women don suffer for this country. Tueh! Oga Op, go and deal with your insecurities and be the best man to your wife

Can you imagine

After births, does he think that place will become tighter

Everything, they will put fault on women

Dyt:
but you see nothing wrong when married men cheat?

men ehn

A cheating married woman will eventually either kill her husband directly herself or have him killed by another means.

Any man living in same house with a constantly cheating wife... His life is in God's hands

oweniwe:
A cheating married woman will eventually either kill her husband directly herself or have him killed by another means.

Any man living in same house with a constantly cheating wife... His life is in God's hands

A man cheating is no better than a woman cheating.
A cheating man puts not only the woman's life in danger, but also that of their children. Many women and their children's lives have been destroyed by their father's concubines.
We will not talk about the danger to the man's life himself, simply because he cannot keep his 3rd leg in one place.

Dyt:
how do you expect me to reading just your part?

what if you didnt say it all?

you want me to condemn her and praise you?

ok o mr Ralaji
try to make your marriage work o
communication is important
tell her all about how you feel.

What kind of woman is this for christ sakes? I am a man and I am shaking reading the OP's story. Just go away and stay away, please.

Acidosis:
Women are generally selfish. The only way to cope is to marry one that loves you more than you love her. Once you fall hopelessly with a selfish woman, one that doesn't love you as much as you do, forget it, you're doomed for life.

@OP

BTW, you don't need to tell me your wife's tribe. I already know.

...wish you all the best in managing this cycle.

You spoilt your nice submission with tribalism but I won't blame you.

Na dis country all of us dey.

yettymuse:
Men that can write plenty epistle like this, FEAR THEM! loose mouthed and completely uncouth. You gave us a clear descriptive essay from start to finish. From meet-up to hit-rock.

Oga search yourself. Sometimes you're the toxic one, sometimes you are the one that needs a complete detoxification, You do not completely write off a woman that married you, bore kids for you, stayed with you through thick and thin, even got you a job when you loose yours to complete strangers on a faceless forum. You want to hear what exactly?? Divorce...

OH yea, go ahead, divorce her and come back here to get a medal!
You think say any fish still remain inside this ocean?? Uncle, na bonga fish and abalo fish remain. Don't loose what you have whilst chasing shadows.

You are a very ugly girl who stays in Ibadan. You don't have what it takes to trash talk men on NL. If you were a bit more good looking, your pride and hatred towards men would have been justified. Just go away from this thread.

Acidosis:
You're from a polygamous home; chances are you will repeat the same cycle.
There's no way out for you unless you're spiritually strong.

Your woman is not the problem, the problem is YOU, the family you came from. If you were OKAY, you wouldn't have considered her for marriage.

Which kain yarn be dis for christ sakes? God help oo.

resurgent4oodua:
You are a very ugly girl who stays in Ibadan. You don't have what it takes to trash talk. If you were a bit more good looking, your pride and hatred towards men would have been justified. Just go away from this thread.

You castrated fool that can't even afford a balanced diet. When you're done exhausting your free 10mb, run off to wrap yourself under the bridge where you've sought shelter. Modafucka!

yettymuse:
You castrated fool that can't even afford a balanced diet. When you're done exhausting your free 10mb, run off to wrap yourself under the bridge where you've sought shelter. Modafucka!

Lol. I knew you would go unhinged in response. Just leave men issues alone and face whatever you believe in (some disgruntled feminist BS). Our brother needs advice on his marital issue and that he shall get.

We ain't here for battle of the sexes. You can move over to romance section yetunde, omo ibadan!!!!

resurgent4oodua:
Lol. I knew you would go unhinged in response. Just leave men issues alone and face whatever you believe in (some disgruntled feminist BS). Our brother needs advice on his marital issue and that he shall get.

We ain't here for battle of the sexes. You can move over to romance section yetunde, omo ibadan!!!!

mtchewwwwwwwwwwwwww..

resurgent4oodua:
You are a very ugly girl who stays in Ibadan. You don't have what it takes to trash talk men on NL. If you were a bit more good looking, your pride and hatred towards men would have been justified. Just go away from this thread.

oweniwe:
A cheating married woman will eventually either kill her husband directly herself or have him killed by another means.

Any man living in same house with a constantly cheating wife... His life is in God's hands

A cheating married man will eventually either kill his wife directly or have her killed by other means.

Any woman living in same house with a constantly cheating husband....
Her life is in God's hands

9JAFULLBREED:

I sabi the girl now. She's a man hating feminist who bashes men at every turn. I guess she was hurt by a man earlier in life. Just look at their response to the OP's problem! No empathy or compssion whatsoever. God will keep guiding and protecting men.

resurgent4oodua:
I sabi the girl now. She's a man hating feminist who bashes men at every turn. I guess she was hurt by a man earlier in life. Just look at their response to the OP's problem! No empathy or compssion whatsoever. God will keep guiding and protecting men.

You just don’t get it brotha! I think she’s a single mother and bitter at the same time


I think she’s not presently where she don brag say she go be in Life ( Elenu Razor Type) For example those I too sabi or fine girl then wey come now end up as a single broke bitter woman (SBBW)

9JAFULLBREED:
You just don’t get it brotha! I think she’s a single mother and bitter at the same time


I think she’s not presently where she don brag say she go be in Life ( Elenu Razor Type) For example those I too sabi or fine girl then wey come now end up as a single broke bitter woman (SBBW)

That's how most of them are and it's their fault. We men are also facing our problems but we don't lash out as much as they do. Only very young boys who congregate in the romance section slut shame women.

9JAFULLBREED:
You just don’t get it brotha! I think she’s a single mother and bitter at the same time


I think she’s not presently where she don brag say she go be in Life ( Elenu Razor Type) For example those I too sabi or fine girl then wey come now end up as a single broke bitter woman (SBBW)

and you CAME up with this conclusion by what assertion? Do not allow faceless nairaland forum relegate you into a nuisance.

Adesuwag:
and you CAME up with this conclusion by what assertion? Do not allow faceless nairaland forum relegate you into a nuisance.

Keep QUIET Boy!

....

The only problem I see here is the allegations of cheating if you ask me.


You need good financial management skills, why spending money you dont have?

This is your side of the story, we never know of your wife's side.
But then, assuming all you said were true. Including the allegation of cheating.
If I were in your shoes, I'll call her, talk to her, and let her know that I know about her sexcapades. If she GENUINELY change and felt sorry. I can carry on with the relationship (But the hurtful thing is that, they hardly change).
However, if she continues her wayward life, divorce will be inevitable because at the end such women can kill. Don't go and die of high BP in the name of you want to sustain your marriage.
Forgive if she truly repents or divorce if not. As simple as that.
Infidelity is the only allegation I see here. Double your hustle as pertaining to money issue.
Plus she also need a serious coaching on "CONTENTMENT".
May the good Lord guide you.

Ralaji:
So sure it was too obvious around June July. Though it has subsided now.
When you notice where you visit regularly has suddenly become so wide
She began to password her phone which she was not doing before
Once saw a blue film on her phone guess was sent by one of the men she sleeps with
Perceived condom smell around her region on more than 2 occasion around June July.
And lots more

Really? Where you visit has become so wide means she cheated? How dumb.
So your own dyck that sleeps with her no go widen am na another person go widen am


Bros your ego is bruised and its making you jealous and insecure

No one manipulated you to get married. She was your gf and got pregnant and you married.

She has by your own account helped you numerous times to get work?.she is no witch. 4 years of marriage abegi

Stop your pity party and man up. Your insecurity is reeking stock this and Be a Father to your kids