Canadachi:
Haaaa,I am so happy I can finally comment ...So I been a silent reader for about a year and I decided to register because of this marriage arguement.Most men on here are not ready to get married oh...which one is submit and head in marriage?smh

Ndukaezennia1:
Hehehehehehehehe! Typical Nigerian hypocrisy being displayed here. Why did you omit verse 21 of this your lengthy bible post. My people verse Ephesian 5:21 says "Submit to one another out of Reverence for Christ (The NIV bible titles from vs21 to end as (Instruction to Christian household). But the typical Nigerian guy will always ignore that verse 21. But its ok. My brother @guitarlife if you are going to stay in Canada you must revisit your mindset of submission although I have reasons to believe you didn't want to marry the lady in question. Your submission story is just a cover loool! We have all used it before and gone ahead to marry crazier women. My wife told me worse than this lady told you I still went ahead and married her because I was crazily in love with this crazy girl. Three years down the line. I have a woman who will transfer her whole salary to me if I am short of cash, do my laundry( I do not know how much washing a shirt cost, she washes and irons like a pro), send me to market with soup list,I have customers now..Lol! hand me okra to cut, taught me how to make spaghetti and plantain (infact she swears I fry plantain better than her so she has stopped frying plantain, I do that now..Loool!But all in all I have a woman who is willing to love me with her all, who is still not afraid to call me out whenever she feels I am wrong. If that is the partnership, my guy I will take it and to be sincere I am happy. I will not lie and say I wasnt scared prior marriage but I have learnt that all you need is a good woman. if the so called partnership is me taking part in house chores. It hasn't killed me yet. This our Canadian journey she gave it her all infact I just started participating. My opinion is let us all work with stuff that will work for us. Naija favors we men all the time but if you are planning to move here with your spouse my dear naija brothers readjust o. Bikokwa to avoid had I known. If you dont want to you can do like our Igbo brothers relocate alone and be sending money down but then there are still downsides to that..

SkyWalk12:
I can’t wait to be surrounded by Caucasians and Asians. The years I’ve spent with you guys is enough.

Ifeoma77:

Guitarlife:

Are you sure you are not my former girlfriend, the bolded was exactly what she said, I ran for my life na Margaret thatcher be that.

Goodluck with what you think , mind I tell you that this is exactly the formula the west and north america practices, how come their rate of divorce is the highest in the world ?

Have you ever been in a car where all the passengers can drive ? So how many of you drove the car ? Why did all of you not hold the steering simply because you all can drive ?

A vehicle with two people driving it will crash, there has to be an atmosphere of love and submission, the man knows to love his wife and protect her with his life the wife knows to support and submit, I repeat submitting is not a slave.

Have you thought that the man can ask the woman to take the key and drive ? But one person has to lead, even a pack of wolves is not led by 2 it never works.

SkyWalk12:
I can’t wait to be surrounded by Caucasians and Asians. The years I’ve spent with you guys is enough.

vcole:
Highlighted in red is universal health coverage with no private sector options in Canada. The private services which you refer to in the UK would be paid for by individuals either out of pocket or like you mentioned by their insurance but would not be covered financially by their NHS insurance.

SkyWalk12:
I can’t wait to be surrounded by Caucasians and Asians. The years I’ve spent with you guys is enough.

salford1:

Asians are not too different from Africans lol.

Bsbabe:


And I assume from your analogy here that the man automatically is the driver. Pray tell, is that because he is the better driver? May I ask why if it happens he is not, he cannot be confident enough to hand the steering wheel over to his wife, knowing she is able to handle this situation better than him while he supports? I believe that is the crux of AZeD1's post about partnership.

A man must be confident to know when he should hand over the reins to his wife to lead, knowing that it does not mean she is usurping his position as the 'head' as you insist he is, but that as a leader, he identifies the strengths his wife possesses and supports her. That includes supporting where she is unable to attend to 'homely' duties that unfortunately some have decided belong to the woman alone. With respect to the submission you say the 'Holy Book' instructs women, I believe it is only a mad woman that will be 'loved' by her husband and will not 'submit'. Note that the love referred to here must be Christlike as instructed of the men as well. So you as a man must be able to do anything for your wife, lay down your life for her, protect her from the 'mouths that will wag when they see she is not the one doing the cooking and so on'. Love her enough to allow her to be herself - whether she knows how to cook and clean or not (afterall Jesus loved us exactly as we are). Help her (with patience) to develop and better herself and excel at whatever she chooses to do. When you are able to show that kind of love, without judging and without pre-set expectations, then you can expect submission. On the other hand as well, it is only a mad man that will have total submission from his wife and won't love her. Submission is this sense for me is the respect the wife has for the husband as a 'head' as you have chosen to call it but not as a slave-master relationship. Ensure that even if you are making the decisions as a wife, you get his buy in and make it collective. Women who are wise know how to get their stuff done while making the man believe it is his decision. Ensure you do not bruise his ego. Make him happy while making yourself happy.

My conclusion again goes back to AZeD1's comment that marriage is a partnership and believe me, you can't wait for your wife to be what you want before you love her. Love her irrespective. Just as she can't wait for you to be the loving husband before she submits to you. Both must happen concurrently.

Guitarlife:

Guitarlife:

grin grin Are you sure you are not my former girlfriend, the bolded was exactly what she said, I ran for my life na Margaret thatcher be that.

Goodluck with what you think , mind I tell you that this is exactly the formula the west and north america practices, how come their rate of divorce is the highest in the world ?

Have you ever been in a car where all the passengers can drive ? So how many of you drove the car ? Why did all of you not hold the steering simply because you all can drive ? grin grin grin grin

A vehicle with two people driving it will crash, there has to be an atmosphere of love and submission, the man knows to love his wife and protect her with his life the wife knows to support and submit, I repeat submitting is not a slave.

Have you thought that the man can ask the woman to take the key and drive ? But one person has to lead, even a pack of wolves is not led by 2 it never works.

uchepixy:
Anyone interested in an apartment in Mississauga msg me pls.

salford1:
We can quote bible and cultural proverbs from now till tomorrow, truth is that some women will change when they come under stress or feel empowered.

Guitarlife:


Imagine me , who never cross the boundary of Naija even Ghana sef I never reach God just carry one of the most sought after Visa's in the world give me without going to see any Visa officer, I hear dem dey humble people for Walter Carrington but right now Trump got norrin on me

Is God not wonderful ?

Guitarlife:


Babe did you see the bolded ? I guess we are on the same page then.

maternal:


Everyone has their own reason. One shouldn't be too judgmental. The issue is some Toronto people aren't willing to look outside the GTA. That's problematic.

TheCongo2:


Lol... funny dude
You had cracked me laughing and rolling on floor

Guitarlife:
Okay guys lets just get back I dont want us to spend 24 hours dragging these issues, apparently both sides are misunderstood to some extent by either sides which is understandable.

But I am not happy with the aggressive and abusive manner some people have taken this arguement, we are humans and will never completely agree on all issues, thats okay. Its not a big deal so why do we need to start disrespecting people with the manner of our expressions ?

This is the time for us to start counting our blessings in the year 2018 and invoking those of 2019 down lol.

Imagine me , who never cross the boundary of Naija even Ghana sef I never reach God just carry one of the most sought after Visa's in the world give me without going to see any Visa officer, I hear dem dey humble people for Walter Carrington but right now Trump got norrin on me

Is God not wonderful ?

salford1:
It is good to have this argument or better still discussion so people can be prepared. We can quote bible and cultural proverbs from now till tomorrow, truth is that some women will change when they come under stress or feel empowered.

What type of stress am I talking about?
Immigrants face a list of major life changes including adjusting to a new family dynamic where men are often no longer the sole providers. Many have to face being unqualified for jobs, while facing major financial pressures. Back home men were responsible for major finances, the wives were usually just supplementing the family income. Now both major finances and expenses will be bourne by both husbands and wives.

The role reversal is causing a lot conflict, parenting problems and domestic violence in immigrant families, because the whole family dynamic is changing. For some men, it's going to be a huge blow for self-esteem, self-confidence and for their masculinity as can be seen by some commenters on this thread. The stress of adjusting and creating a new life in a new and strange country can push families and relationships to boiling point. Some are working survival jobs at least till they get something better, and they're working different shifts and they may not even see each other many times. House chores would be left undone. Kids can easily be neglected too. There are also stresses when it comes to parenting, with children quickly adapting to life in Canada, often abandoning traditional values and norms. Kids are integrating much faster than parents.

When you add all this mix together, common chores will become overwhelming for the women. In Nigeria, alot of us have families around us to help, nannies, drivers, etc. Once you get to Canada, there would be no one to assist. We are often not prepared well for this.

Keeping the family as one will now depend on how well the man can adapt to these changes by deviating from cultural norms and traditional beliefs.

May God help us all.

TEECANN:


Hello @Bsbabe,

Top of the day to you.

Please if you don't mind, I just sent you a PM. Kindly help attend to it.

Thanks.


It will end in praise IJN!

vcole:

Both my spouse and I were lucky enough to have been raised with gender equality as a priority. So, getting married while in Nigeria saw us deciding to take on duties in our home based on capabilities and not gender. He is the better cook and has been the cook in our home from the outset. This includes family gatherings and when we host. My kids would hardly come to me for meals unless they are literally starving to death or he is not home. I do not like cooking and I have no qualms admitting that. I am better at cleaning and organizing and I do this to OCD perfection. I am also super hands on and DIY. I washed cars growing up and would take my folks cars for servicing or repairs so in our home I service the cars or take for repairs and we do them interchangeably. I also fix stuff around the house cos I know how to. We switch up tasks as necessary and this has never been a problem. Whoever is capable and available handles it.

maternal:


Anyone who assaults me will get assaulted back. Minus those exceptions. The concept is not hard to understand. Perhaps a person should keep their hands to themselves if they don't want to be hit ? My Mother, daughter, and sister respect themselves and don't go around hitting people. And if they do, then they better be ready for the consequence. I don't hit people twice my size and strenght because I don't want to be beaten up. Get that feminists/ priviliage BS outta here my friend.

Bsbabe:


@Guitarlife, I don't think I am on the same page with you at all o. No vex but I beg to differ. For me, marriage is a partnership in which both have their roles which are very much interrelated. For you it is a hierarchy where the man is the head and the woman is a lower mortal. All i was saying here is that let's even assume like you said, he is the 'head', can't the head be confident enough to know that he doesn't have the 'required competence' to lead at all times?

Guitarlife:

While I respect your opinion , yet again I am stating that the bolded already addresses that area of your concern.

Have you thought that the man can ask the woman to take the key and drive ? But one person has to lead, even a pack of wolves is not led by 2 it never works.
This clearly shows my position , I wonder why people intentionally choose to twist my position.
The man is the head of the home but from this statement you'd see that the wife is welcome to take initiatives too. This concept is learned over a lifetime for many and at times never learned for some so I won't expect that it'd be so easy for you to comprehend if you haven't already.

I have decided not to comment on this again but you have forced me now, let me explain something. Now A man his wife and 2 kids, an armed robber comes into the house and their is gun that the family can use to defend themselves and a place to hide for 2 people .

Which 3 people do you think will hide ? The wife and the 2 kids
Which person do you think will carry the gun and face the robber ? The man, he will put his life down for his family.

Now we have a situation where some one must carry the pregnancy while someone must wait and pray eagerly for safe delivery , who does what here ? The wife carries the pregnancy (An heroic thing and grossly underrated feat in this part of the world)

Now from my analogies you will see that the man and the woman are not equal but rather unique in their differences. The inability of western countries to acknowledge this uniqueness and accomodate it is responsible for the dysfunctionality of marriages over there.
For all their education and exposure marriages hard last 2 years and this should tell you there is something wrong somewhere, I am not saying the African approach is entirely perfect but the foundation has to be well laid to prevent problems.

Lastly, I will tell you something that should drive this home, this happened with my former babe and this was one of the major pointers for me that made me run. We were both travelling - a public transport, so what happened the car broke down in the middle of the road and the driver needed to give us part of the money we paid so we can board another vehicle to our final destination.

So lets just say we paid 10 naira and the journey had only gone 50% so technically the man was supposed to give us 5 naira right ? Well I told my bae to wait for me in the car, I went to meet the driver and after some back and forth the driver gave me 3 naira, I protested but I didnt get ahead so I came back to her and told her I got 3 naira and altho it was not fair we could just overlook the 2 naira.

My bae became irate went to meet the driver and got into a fit or rage long story short she succesfully retrieved 2 naira and came back to me grinning from ear to ear with a sense of accomplishment visibly written on her face. That moment I knew I had made a mistake being with her.
Why ? (Please note I paid for the journey 100%).

1. The rage and anger displayed was something I had never seen in her, I could never have imagined she was capable of such.
2. The audacity to go and re-negotiate with the driver was not only insensitive to me but showed a lack of respect for my judgement.
3. The reason I choose to allow the driver get away with the 2 naira was because I felt this illiterate drivers sometimes could be violent and dangerous and there was not point risking my life over 2 naira - now her decision to proceed to wrestle for the rest of the money to me showed a lack of proper orientation in value system.

So I had to type this much to put some things in perspective for you, like I said earlier relationship issues are quite tricky and this event I narrated was only the last straw the broke the camels back as I had seen some traces of this kind of behaviour at some time earlier.

SkyWalk12:
Lmaooooooo. Ifeoma!! Free my life!!!

But like you and I are still best friends abi?