Guitarlife:

While I respect your opinion , yet again I am stating that the bolded already addresses that area of your concern.

Have you thought that the man can ask the woman to take the key and drive ? But one person has to lead, even a pack of wolves is not led by 2 it never works.

Since we are down to comparing humans with animals, female spiders eat male spiders after intimacy but I don't see you advocating for that?

This clearly shows my position , I wonder why people intentionally choose to twist my position.
The man is the head of the home but from this statement you'd see that the wife is welcome to take initiatives too. This concept is learned over a lifetime for many and at times never learned for some so I won't expect that it'd be so easy for you to comprehend if you haven't already.

I have decided not to comment on this again but you have forced me now, let me explain something. Now A man his wife and 2 kids, an armed robber comes into the house and their is gun that the family can use to defend themselves and a place to hide for 2 people .

The person better trained to handle such scenario. Have you thought the woman might be in the force or have better arms training?

Which 3 people do you think will hide ? The wife and the 2 kids
Which person do you think will carry the gun and face the robber ? The man, he will put his life down for his family.

The person better trained to handle such scenario. Have you thought the woman might be in the force or have better arms training?

Now we have a situation where some one must carry the pregnancy while someone must wait and pray eagerly for safe delivery , who does what here ? The wife carries the pregnancy (An heroic thing and grossly underrated feat in this part of the world)

Now from my analogies you will see that the man and the woman are not equal but rather unique in their differences. The inability of western countries to acknowledge this uniqueness and accomodate it is responsible for the dysfunctionality of marriages over there.
For all their education and exposure marriages hard last 2 years and this should tell you there is something wrong somewhere, I am not saying the African approach is entirely perfect but the foundation has to be well laid to prevent problems.

Lastly, I will tell you something that should drive this home, this happened with my former babe and this was one of the major pointers for me that made me run. We were both travelling - a public transport, so what happened the car broke down in the middle of the road and the driver needed to give us part of the money we paid so we can board another vehicle to our final destination.

So lets just say we paid 10 naira and the journey had only gone 50% so technically the man was supposed to give us 5 naira right ? Well I told my bae to wait for me in the car, I went to meet the driver and after some back and forth the driver gave me 3 naira, I protested but I didnt get ahead so I came back to her and told her I got 3 naira and altho it was not fair we could just overlook the 2 naira.

My bae became irate went to meet the driver and got into a fit or rage long story short she succesfully retrieved 2 naira and came back to me grinning from ear to ear with a sense of accomplishment visibly written on her face. That moment I knew I had made a mistake being with her.
Why ? (Please note I paid for the journey 100%).

1. The rage and anger displayed was something I had never seen in her, I could never have imagined she was capable of such.
2. The audacity to go and re-negotiate with the driver was not only insensitive to me but showed a lack of respect for my judgement.

Are you in-secured because she's a better negotiator than you? Is that what bruised your ego?

3. The reason I choose to allow the driver get away with the 2 naira was because I felt this illiterate drivers sometimes could be violent and dangerous and there was not point risking my life over 2 naira - now her decision to proceed to wrestle for the rest of the money to me showed a lack of proper orientation in value system.

If you were scared of the driver, you would have left the money for the driver and not try to negotiate in the first place.

So I had to type this much to put some things in perspective for you, like I said earlier relationship issues are quite tricky and this event I narrated was only the last straw the broke the camels back as I had seen some traces of this kind of behaviour at some time earlier.

Bsbabe:


I also did not want to respond anymore as respectfully, it appears we have deep divergences on this topic but with this your last example, I can only say a big wow! I don't even know where to pick it up from so I will just leave it at the fact that I am wowed at your decision and the reason for it, especially the bolded.

With respect to the armed robber example you gave, I will also give you a real life example. I have an ex-colleague who's house was attacked in Lekki. Her husband scaled the fence and left his wife (with only a sheet around her), a pre-teen daughter and a baby boy with the armed robbers so go figure.

AZeD1:

Guitarlife:


Lastly, I will tell you something that should drive this home, this happened with my former babe and this was one of the major pointers for me that made me run. We were both travelling - a public transport, so what happened the car broke down in the middle of the road and the driver needed to give us part of the money we paid so we can board another vehicle to our final destination.

So lets just say we paid 10 naira and the journey had only gone 50% so technically the man was supposed to give us 5 naira right ? Well I told my bae to wait for me in the car, I went to meet the driver and after some back and forth the driver gave me 3 naira, I protested but I didnt get ahead so I came back to her and told her I got 3 naira and altho it was not fair we could just overlook the 2 naira.

My bae became irate went to meet the driver and got into a fit or rage long story short she succesfully retrieved 2 naira and came back to me grinning from ear to ear with a sense of accomplishment visibly written on her face. That moment I knew I had made a mistake being with her.
Why ? (Please note I paid for the journey 100%).

1. The rage and anger displayed was something I had never seen in her, I could never have imagined she was capable of such.
2. The audacity to go and re-negotiate with the driver was not only insensitive to me but showed a lack of respect for my judgement.
3. The reason I choose to allow the driver get away with the 2 naira was because I felt this illiterate drivers sometimes could be violent and dangerous and there was not point risking my life over 2 naira - now her decision to proceed to wrestle for the rest of the money to me showed a lack of proper orientation in value system.

So I had to type this much to put some things in perspective for you, like I said earlier relationship issues are quite tricky and this event I narrated was only the last straw the broke the camels back as I had seen some traces of this kind of behaviour at some time earlier.

Guitarlife:

With all due respect let me say this , you have a problem with point 2 right ? What of point 1 and 3 ? Do you have a problem with those too ?

GlitteringStar2:

Cherokee:

Funny fellow. Ever heard that birds of the same plumage flock together ? Not only you can't suddenly turn a Caucasian by mere association, you will always be the outsider you are.

Ifeoma77:

Jesus!!! Are you for real??
I have typed 5 different responses and deleted all 5 because I am trying to be respectful.
All I'll say is; thank God you're moving to Canada. Please take advantage of the free health care and see a psychologist/therapist. You have deep issues and the way you interpret events is very skewed

Ifeoma77:


We are definitely best friends, I like your style joor

Ifeoma77:

Jesus!!! Are you for real??
I have typed 5 different responses and deleted all 5 because I am trying to be respectful.
All I'll say is; thank God you're moving to Canada. Please take advantage of the free health care and see a psychologist/therapist. You have deep issues and the way you interpret events is very skewed

Guitarlife:

Ifeoma I can picture you with your mouth still wide open. Yes I ran away from her, I ran and never looked back. The rage, the temper displayed and like I stated the audacity was very distubing for me, if we decide she will handle something I should respect and accepet the manner she handles it even if I feel I could have done it better.

This ensures there are no conflicts and unnecessary arguments.

And can I point out that this was just a relationship, if we were married I'd have no choice than to swallow it ofcourse but am grateful it was not too late to run so I did an Usain Bolt

czaratwork:
If you are in Nigeria and not yet in Canada and contributing to this headship and authority in marriage please wait until you land here and face the moment of truth. Nobody will tell you that you need to plan how to make your marriage work here. If you carry on with that headship mentality, it's just a matter of time before it happens. I have seen a man feeding a baby in a pram here all by himself. Such a thing would not happen in Nigeria, shame no go even gree the man.

I understand guitarlife's viewpoint that his babe is claiming equality in Naija and his fears that with all the privileges women have here, he may be the houseboy when they move to Canada but your assumptions may be wrong. She could turn out to be the best. There is no thing as good as looking at the reality and considering the options to make it work best for 2 of you. My 2 cents.

Bsbabe:


Permit me to ask though. Could the real reason you ran away be because she showed you up and you felt emasculated as she succeeded where you had failed? Could it be that you felt threatened by a strong woman? Have you thought of that? That maybe you are just not wired to handle a strong woman?

Bsbabe:


Permit me to ask though. Could the real reason you ran away be because she showed you up and you felt emasculated as she succeeded where you had failed? Could it be that you felt threatened by a strong woman? Have you thought of that? That maybe you are just not wired to handle a strong woman?

Guitarlife:

She was literally almost getting into a fight with a driver ? Do you understand what that means ? What kind of woman goes on such a shameful display ?
The rage, the temper ? Well I understand some people might think nothing of that but me I dont consider strength to be the ability to fight or become irate, its the ability to remain calm in the face of provocation.

My consideration was for the greater good and thats what a man does, think about safety and make better judgements. What if in her bid to argue her case the man injured her or something ?
Dont just be unnecessarily subjective here, this isn't so blurred is it ?

Guitarlife:


She has a strong personality...I do not see any wrong in what she did.but what do I know ...


While I respect your opinion , yet again I am stating that the bolded already addresses that area of your concern.

Have you thought that the man can ask the woman to take the key and drive ? But one person has to lead, even a pack of wolves is not led by 2 it never works.
This clearly shows my position , I wonder why people intentionally choose to twist my position.
The man is the head of the home but from this statement you'd see that the wife is welcome to take initiatives too. This concept is learned over a lifetime for many and at times never learned for some so I won't expect that it'd be so easy for you to comprehend if you haven't already.

I have decided not to comment on this again but you have forced me now, let me explain something. Now A man his wife and 2 kids, an armed robber comes into the house and their is gun that the family can use to defend themselves and a place to hide for 2 people .

Which 3 people do you think will hide ? The wife and the 2 kids
Which person do you think will carry the gun and face the robber ? The man, he will put his life down for his family.

Now we have a situation where some one must carry the pregnancy while someone must wait and pray eagerly for safe delivery , who does what here ? The wife carries the pregnancy (An heroic thing and grossly underrated feat in this part of the world)

Now from my analogies you will see that the man and the woman are not equal but rather unique in their differences. The inability of western countries to acknowledge this uniqueness and accomodate it is responsible for the dysfunctionality of marriages over there.
For all their education and exposure marriages hard last 2 years and this should tell you there is something wrong somewhere, I am not saying the African approach is entirely perfect but the foundation has to be well laid to prevent problems.

Lastly, I will tell you something that should drive this home, this happened with my former babe and this was one of the major pointers for me that made me run. We were both travelling - a public transport, so what happened the car broke down in the middle of the road and the driver needed to give us part of the money we paid so we can board another vehicle to our final destination.

So lets just say we paid 10 naira and the journey had only gone 50% so technically the man was supposed to give us 5 naira right ? Well I told my bae to wait for me in the car, I went to meet the driver and after some back and forth the driver gave me 3 naira, I protested but I didnt get ahead so I came back to her and told her I got 3 naira and altho it was not fair we could just overlook the 2 naira.

My bae became irate went to meet the driver and got into a fit or rage long story short she succesfully retrieved 2 naira and came back to me grinning from ear to ear with a sense of accomplishment visibly written on her face. That moment I knew I had made a mistake being with her.
Why ? (Please note I paid for the journey 100%).

1. The rage and anger displayed was something I had never seen in her, I could never have imagined she was capable of such.
2. The audacity to go and re-negotiate with the driver was not only insensitive to me but showed a lack of respect for my judgement.
3. The reason I choose to allow the driver get away with the 2 naira was because I felt this illiterate drivers sometimes could be violent and dangerous and there was not point risking my life over 2 naira - now her decision to proceed to wrestle for the rest of the money to me showed a lack of proper orientation in value system.

So I had to type this much to put some things in perspective for you, like I said earlier relationship issues are quite tricky and this event I narrated was only the last straw the broke the camels back as I had seen some traces of this kind of behaviour at some time earlier.

deTimo:
What a thread!
What a read
What a day.

I learnt from all the divide lines. It's both the "how to" and "how not to"

Life is good. Anyway we see it. Just flow with what works for and with you.

Lemme go tune the shouting down. Hope parents are protected from kids challenging parents with human equality.

Guitarlife:

She was literally almost getting into a fight with a driver ? Do you understand what that means ? What kind of woman goes on such a shameful display ?
The rage, the temper ? Well I understand some people might think nothing of that but me I dont consider strength to be the ability to fight or become irate, its the ability to remain calm in the face of provocation.

My consideration was for the greater good and thats what a man does, think about safety and make better judgements. What if in her bid to argue her case the man injured her or something ?
Dont just be unnecessarily subjective here, this isn't so blurred is it ?

Guitarlife:

She was literally almost getting into a fight with a driver ? Do you understand what that means ? What kind of woman goes on such a shameful display ?
The rage, the temper ? Well I understand some people might think nothing of that but me I dont consider strength to be the ability to fight or become irate, its the ability to remain calm in the face of provocation.

My consideration was for the greater good and thats what a man does, think about safety and make better judgements. What if in her bid to argue her case the man injured her or something ?
Dont just be unnecessarily subjective here, this isn't so blurred is it ?

Majesticniyi:




Bro, you lost from the very start of the conversation. There is absolutely no way you would win an argment about equality of genders online. These ladies and supporting men live 'politically correct' online but are the most submissive to their husbands (the men, demanding submission) in the real world. And if the conversation swings to your favour....gbam, they call you stupid!


#SubmissionIsNotSlavery

SkyWalk12:
I can’t wait to be surrounded by Caucasians and Asians. The years I’ve spent with you guys is enough.

Bsbabe:


"The rage"..."the temper"..."being irate"... "almost getting into a fight"... all these are from your perspective and is your side of the story though. And from the little we know of your expectations of women, even raising her voice a pitch higher may just be her showing enough disrespect to prove she can never be a 'submissive' wife.

I really do wish you the best in finding what you seek but I believe you should take some time to think about what the married people here have told you and that is you will never find that perfectly submissive human being you seek as no human being (male or female) is wired to be an 'addendum' or a 'footnote'. You will have to sacrifice some of your firmly held beliefs for you to make that partnership work if you don't want it to end up being a failed project (and yes, I use the word partnership). My two cents.

jmnsimone:
LMAO, this is one of the reasons I'm relocating, I need to surround myself with better people, not those who see women as subordinates.

SkyWalk12:
*picks up all the 2 cents on the thread* I need money for good furniture.

DadR:
I didn't really intentionally omit verse 21 but since you have assumed so and tagged me an hypocrite, no froblem . As I mentioned earlier, I'm not in for any form of argument.

Peace!