BuddhaPalm:
Divorce is a slow process in Nigeria.

But you don’t need a divorce to move out.

EfemenaXY:


Divorce. Divorce. Divorce.

Divorce isn’t always the answer to marital problems and should never be taken lightly especially when there are children involved.

This should only ever be the last resort if all else has failed.

Besides, there’s always three sides to every story:

~ His side
~ Her side
~ The truth

Based purely on your side of the story, you need to do some serious soul searching and ask yourself why your wife changed overnight.

The first few years of marriage are the honeymoon stage. You courted this woman for 11 months. That’s quite a while to have studied her. There is no way a person can keep up the pretence for 11 long months (unless yours was a long distance relationship?). There must have been red flags. You just chose to ignore them.

Nonetheless, there HAS to be a reason why she’s suddenly turned 360^os on you. Obviously there appears to be:

1. An emotional black hole in your relationship. The ex turning up is a symptom of the underlying issues with your marriage. A woman would only turn to an ex or another man if her emotional needs aren’t being met. For example when discussing with your wife, do you seek her opinion / input or do you wave aside her views? Do you say “Thank you” to make her feel appreciated when she gives / does something you are a recipient of? What is your sex life like with her? Do you take the time to satisfy her needs? Or is it all about you, you, and you? Is life with you one endless boring routine? Or do you make efforts to spice it up?

2. Trust Issues. When a wife starts stashing away huge sums of cash in secret, it means she’s preparing a nest egg for herself and her kids without you in the picture. Most times this action arises from betrayal or if she perceives you to have betrayed her. Have you ever cheated on her? Or done something to make her feel insecure in your union?

3. Immaturity. A refusal to acknowledge one’s fault / mistake and apologise accordingly is usually down to misplaced pride and immaturity. Wisdom comes with age. How old is your wife?

For a marriage to work, both parties have to roll up their sleeves and get stuck in. You have to ask yourself if there’s any part of you that wants to salvage the marriage. If you do, then you need to ask your wife if she’s still interested in the marriage too.

If the answer is “yes” from both of you, then both of you need to make the effort to save it. Start by seeking help from a neutral third party such as a marriage counsellor. Book a couple of sessions with them so you and wifey can talk through your issues.

Your problems didn’t start today. They’ve festered for over four years so you need to be patient and not expect everything to be miraculously resolved in one day. A lot of patience, perseverance, and constant communication will be needed to get your relationship back to a healthy state.

It is well.

gaby:
Hmmm...deep

Bro, you do not need to get divorced before you run to save your head first, divorce will come in its time most likely from her even because she'd certainly need to move on.

My brother, e better say man no get wife than to get the one wey go dey make you fear to go house. ..

So I take run leave my problem o. Who divorce and lawyer help....life first man..

GoldHorse:
Don't know why some of these stories always sound like super story.

Someone is a liar, a cheat, untrustworthy and on top of it still violent and troublesome and you are coming to nairaland to come and ask for ways to divorce?!!

Even if lawyers no dey your street u no dey see sign post in town?! No park your bag comot for the house. Dey there dey wait for ecpress way and nairaland lawyers.

I no wan abuse person jare, we just dey enter new year.

Doctorfitz:
Like someone said here, a woman's past is even more important than her present because most times they really don't change but cloak their ways.

U missed vital red flags because you were carried away probably by love, beauty or hot fvck. Things that actually won't matter in marriage that is. Love is not enough, beauty isn't. There are too many crazy women presently that I won't even advise men to get married.... I'll advice you divorce the lady for your life's sake.

royalamour:
Met in 2014 November.
Dated for 11 months. All these while she was so homely and accommodating.

She would call to let me know about her movements even when I did not ask for.

She would apologize at any slight opportunity.

It was all rosy.

The parents kept calling and advising me not to let other ladies win me over.

They would visit or call my parents at every given opportunity and I felt "this is it".

We got married almost a year later.

The first 2 weeks of the honeymoon was smooth until the 3rd week and bam! there was disagreement about money.

She stabbed me with a knife though the cut wasn't too deep. It took me months to catch up with reality as the lady I was dating was a total different person.

That was the journey of misery and then it was nagging, disrespect and stuffs until I caught her on the phone telling her ex that she misses him and sh1ts.

I was devastated. This lady refused to apologize. She won't even listen to me whenever I asked to have a heart to heart talk with her.

I had to involve her parents and it was by force before she apologized.

She got pregnant and 9 months later she was delivered of our first son.

2 weeks later, my attention was drawn to constant beeping on her phone and when I checked, my supposed wife was discussing with another of her ex about how tight and intact her vagina was cos she gave birth through CS. And the guy used to be jealous cos he enjoyed the sex they had as she was always tight and shits.

I was devastated. I drew her attention to it and she denied feigning ignorance. It was when I showed her screenshots that she accepted and asked me to forget about it, that what has happened has happened.

She would never say sorry. So called her elder brother and he begged me and begged her to apologize, still she won't.

I reported to the mother. This didn't help matters. The aunts numbering about 4 had to beg on her behalf.
I let it slide.

Things got worse and it came to a point where she would not cook. Even times when I return home from long journeys, I most times will have to go into the kitchen to sort myself.

Mum got sick and I asked that she come to us so that we can go to bigger hospital for proper check up and hell was let loose.

She stopped cooking and would only cook whenever she desires.

Time past and my life became almost miserable.

I would close from the office and won't be able to go home. I would stroll into a beer parlour and while away time till maybe 10pm and would sneak out very early even before she wakes up.

Earlier in 2016, I had empowered her with 1.2 million to start a business and one dime I didn't see as return on investment with her citing low patronage as the reason for the collapse of the business.

It was until the elder brother who was staying with us asked her for money and she refused that the dude disclosed that she made about 2.6 million from sales of items and services she rendered in the shop she denied making nothing from. She could not deny this fact but for my son I let it slide.

My wife would bring her female friend into the home and this lady even when she was engaged to a guy still go out to sleep with other guys.
I asked her to stop been friends with her and she blatantly refused. She would go ahead to invite the lady into my home and rain insults on me because I don't want them together.

This final one was the calls she was making with her ex most times when I was away in the office.
I noticed and she couldn't deny it. I later learnt that her cheat of a friend was the middle person that delivers messages to my wife whenever I was around.

I can't take it anymore.

I don't wanna die before my time.

I can't eat in my house anymore as she threatened to poison me and nothing will happen. This was let out in a heat of a moment while we were exchanging words.

What's the express way to divorce without complications?

NB: The dad has asked me to quit before I start to develop HBP.

Swagtrills:
hmmmm, am actually short of words at the moment cos am also going through a similar scenario, though we are not yet married. she tells me virtually everything even without asking, but recently when i visited her on Christmas day, some of her friends also came around and was asking her in my presence that awon boyfriends yen ko (pardon me cos i dont speak yoruba much), but i know it means how are ur boyfriends. After they left, i asked her what that was all about, and she said, shes a crazy friend and that is how she talks. There is no denying, she's not materialistic and not too demanding.

Willie2015:


U may not know the whole story....

the husband may have been the whole cause....

He got no option than to endure it...

royalamour:
Met in 2014 November.
Dated for 11 months. All these while she was so homely and accommodating.

She would call to let me know about her movements even when I did not ask for.

She would apologize at any slight opportunity.

It was all rosy.

The parents kept calling and advising me not to let other ladies win me over.

They would visit or call my parents at every given opportunity and I felt "this is it".

We got married almost a year later.

The first 2 weeks of the honeymoon was smooth until the 3rd week and bam! there was disagreement about money.

She stabbed me with a knife though the cut wasn't too deep. It took me months to catch up with reality as the lady I was dating was a total different person.

That was the journey of misery and then it was nagging, disrespect and stuffs until I caught her on the phone telling her ex that she misses him and sh1ts.

I was devastated. This lady refused to apologize. She won't even listen to me whenever I asked to have a heart to heart talk with her.

I had to involve her parents and it was by force before she apologized.

She got pregnant and 9 months later she was delivered of our first son.

2 weeks later, my attention was drawn to constant beeping on her phone and when I checked, my supposed wife was discussing with another of her ex about how tight and intact her vagina was cos she gave birth through CS. And the guy used to be jealous cos he enjoyed the sex they had as she was always tight and shits.

I was devastated. I drew her attention to it and she denied feigning ignorance. It was when I showed her screenshots that she accepted and asked me to forget about it, that what has happened has happened.

She would never say sorry. So called her elder brother and he begged me and begged her to apologize, still she won't.

I reported to the mother. This didn't help matters. The aunts numbering about 4 had to beg on her behalf.
I let it slide.

Things got worse and it came to a point where she would not cook. Even times when I return home from long journeys, I most times will have to go into the kitchen to sort myself.

Mum got sick and I asked that she come to us so that we can go to bigger hospital for proper check up and hell was let loose.

She stopped cooking and would only cook whenever she desires.

Time past and my life became almost miserable.

I would close from the office and won't be able to go home. I would stroll into a beer parlour and while away time till maybe 10pm and would sneak out very early even before she wakes up.

Earlier in 2016, I had empowered her with 1.2 million to start a business and one dime I didn't see as return on investment with her citing low patronage as the reason for the collapse of the business.

It was until the elder brother who was staying with us asked her for money and she refused that the dude disclosed that she made about 2.6 million from sales of items and services she rendered in the shop she denied making nothing from. She could not deny this fact but for my son I let it slide.

My wife would bring her female friend into the home and this lady even when she was engaged to a guy still go out to sleep with other guys.
I asked her to stop been friends with her and she blatantly refused. She would go ahead to invite the lady into my home and rain insults on me because I don't want them together.

This final one was the calls she was making with her ex most times when I was away in the office.
I noticed and she couldn't deny it. I later learnt that her cheat of a friend was the middle person that delivers messages to my wife whenever I was around.

I can't take it anymore.

I don't wanna die before my time.

I can't eat in my house anymore as she threatened to poison me and nothing will happen. This was let out in a heat of a moment while we were exchanging words.

What's the express way to divorce without complications?

NB: The dad has asked me to quit before I start to develop HBP.

BlacSmit:
If this is truth. I advice that you secure yourself first and move out of the shared apartment cos your relationship is very toxic at the moment.

Secure your finance and priceless valuables as well.

Your can start the divorce proceedings from your hideout like dino melaye. (sarcasm intended)

Josephamstrong1:
Men of todaaaaaaay!
How did we get here?
Back in day, you don't hear all these shitty cow dung stories about wives fighting and stabbing or trying to stab their husbands. As a matter of fact, we married more than two wives and yet we have them under control.
And here we are, can't even manage a relationship, talk more of one wife in a marriage.
The land needs cleansing.
The gods need to be appeased.
Aru!

specter:


hmmmmm. From your story, you are balled, spineless and a pansy. I don't know your age, but I witnessed the same thing until I had to return to my old self.

Most women of steel will never respect or submit to a man of your kid. You are too common no body want what's too common and divorce is not even your problem cos anyother woman you marry is bound to do far worse.

You need to work on yourself. Become a man and not just a scrotum wielding entity who calls himself a man.

A man is a lion that leads a lioness. She is a lioness and you just need to become a lion. Let the lion in you roar from the deep and before the world or she hears you roar, the damage is already done or she will start melting at your roar.

Say no words to her, keep all the evidence you have to your self and make silent plans to move out of the house with your son. Yes. Leave with your son. If he is young or bring in mum to babysit since you can comfortably take care of both.

Don't let her know where you are or your intention to move. If she knows your office, restrict her from gaining access to you generally.

You need time to clear your head. And educate yourself on the psychology of woman. They are superior emotional intelligent being and your major problem is that you lack knowledge of emotional intelligence and psychology hence she is able to manipluate you as a spoilt child knows how to manipulate over pampering parents.

Take absence for a year and please move out your stuffs, ensure she has not less than 6months left of the present rent and leave a bed and her stuffs. Just make sure she has some measure of comfort whilst you are out.

Use the year to build you self and your son before you decide if you wanna proceed to divorce.

I almost divorced earlier last year. She was becoming disrespectful and she was never the cheating type and she is not the cheating kind. But if she were, I believed she would cos she despised me to that extent.

Things got bad cos I was doing the stupid husband stuff until I stood my ground and read the riot act and then she began to see the bad boy she was fell in love with. And that was when I realized she fell in love with the bad ,hard guy and not the over pampering idiot I was fast becoming.

Immediately I got better in emotional intelligence, body language, speech and communication psychology she went into panic mode and calmed down as I could read her antics from miles and will know who perfectly to respond and she never got me in her corner again. I dey kobalise am full time and it's been sweet cos I get to keep the loving husband, the bad boy and the disciplinarian all rolled into one.

I am not there yet, but I think I should be able to handle her like a lion would a lioness.

You only have one life, make the best of it. She is the best woman for you, but you are losing you discipline grip and manliness hence she is gravitating towards her self to fill the vaccum you are creating cos you lack balls and spine. Don't beat her. Don't even exchange words with her. But let your altitude provoke her so she will speak after you move and this should be via social media so she can tell you her mind and her devilish pan if any and you know how to respond appropriately and not respond. I will send you some materials I am using if you are interested.

Good luck.

Saffi:
You will be surprised. Good women are becoming more scarce, So many ladies pretend to get that ring. Most girls go through the hoe phase, before deceiving one man. It’s not just easy to leave someone you’ve invested so much in, I feel sorry for that Man.

sandra50:

You tried forgiving a cheating wife.thats how my Aunty killed my uncle with exactly thesame character..he cried while I was talking to him that he had no peace and wanted to run away but was opportuned to until he had stroke and died afterwards..now his wife is sleeping with different men in his house.

Do not listen to please when you start the process for your life because once you start it and stop afterward she will poison you before you finally throw her out and bring in her ex to be your son's father.
Even if it takes time to divorce her better calm down and go through the whole process for the sake of your son.you will definitely have access to your son and your son will understand everything when he grows..if you want to be alive let that woman go.
She has so rendered you manless that she could counter your order and still bring the woman to the house.

Bizibi:
if the husband has been the cause,that woman will quickly divorce him and go back to her ex.....the man is soft and there are some of his type I know here in abuja.when I read about her ex I knew she is not over with the said ex boyfriend.....abeg forget if you marry a deceitful person be it man or woman these are the results one will get in a marriage.

royalamour:
Met in 2014 November.
Dated for 11 months. All these while she was so homely and accommodating...

Adiwana:
If this mumu of an op divorces his wife then he's a greater fool than i imagine.Everybody is saying divorce.Divorce for what??You saw texts and you know she's fvking her side nigga,smash that phone on the ground.She attempts to fight you,you are a man ffs overpower her and the throw her out of your house.She said heaven will not fall if she poisons you,then the gates of hell will not stand in your way if you smash that her phone on the ground.Stamp your authority in your house you this weakling.Bring out that beast in you and fling her shit out of the door.Seize that child once you've conducted a DNA test and guess what,nothing will happen.Let her go and marry that nigga she's smashing.African culture maintains he will not marry her so far as she's still married to you.Let her bring back her Dowry and let the son stay with you.By tradition he bears your name and will not go to his mothers house.You are in charge here.Lock her up if she persists and keeps on harassing you.Do something you lil livered mf and show her you paid for her Dowry not the other way round.You initiating that divorce move will automatically seal your fate.MAN UP FOOL

royalamour:
Met in 2014 November.
Dated for 11 months. All these while she was so homely and accommodating.

She would call to let me know about her movements even when I did not ask for.

She would apologize at any slight opportunity.

It was all rosy.

The parents kept calling and advising me not to let other ladies win me over.

They would visit or call my parents at every given opportunity and I felt "this is it".

We got married almost a year later.

The first 2 weeks of the honeymoon was smooth until the 3rd week and bam! there was disagreement about money.

She stabbed me with a knife though the cut wasn't too deep. It took me months to catch up with reality as the lady I was dating was a total different person.

That was the journey of misery and then it was nagging, disrespect and stuffs until I caught her on the phone telling her ex that she misses him and sh1ts.

I was devastated. This lady refused to apologize. She won't even listen to me whenever I asked to have a heart to heart talk with her.

I had to involve her parents and it was by force before she apologized.

She got pregnant and 9 months later she was delivered of our first son.

2 weeks later, my attention was drawn to constant beeping on her phone and when I checked, my supposed wife was discussing with another of her ex about how tight and intact her vagina was cos she gave birth through CS. And the guy used to be jealous cos he enjoyed the sex they had as she was always tight and shits.

I was devastated. I drew her attention to it and she denied feigning ignorance. It was when I showed her screenshots that she accepted and asked me to forget about it, that what has happened has happened.

She would never say sorry. So called her elder brother and he begged me and begged her to apologize, still she won't.

I reported to the mother. This didn't help matters. The aunts numbering about 4 had to beg on her behalf.
I let it slide.

Things got worse and it came to a point where she would not cook. Even times when I return home from long journeys, I most times will have to go into the kitchen to sort myself.

Mum got sick and I asked that she come to us so that we can go to bigger hospital for proper check up and hell was let loose.

She stopped cooking and would only cook whenever she desires.

Time past and my life became almost miserable.

I would close from the office and won't be able to go home. I would stroll into a beer parlour and while away time till maybe 10pm and would sneak out very early even before she wakes up.

Earlier in 2016, I had empowered her with 1.2 million to start a business and one dime I didn't see as return on investment with her citing low patronage as the reason for the collapse of the business.

It was until the elder brother who was staying with us asked her for money and she refused that the dude disclosed that she made about 2.6 million from sales of items and services she rendered in the shop she denied making nothing from. She could not deny this fact but for my son I let it slide.

My wife would bring her female friend into the home and this lady even when she was engaged to a guy still go out to sleep with other guys.
I asked her to stop been friends with her and she blatantly refused. She would go ahead to invite the lady into my home and rain insults on me because I don't want them together.

This final one was the calls she was making with her ex most times when I was away in the office.
I noticed and she couldn't deny it. I later learnt that her cheat of a friend was the middle person that delivers messages to my wife whenever I was around.

I can't take it anymore.

I don't wanna die before my time.

I can't eat in my house anymore as she threatened to poison me and nothing will happen. This was let out in a heat of a moment while we were exchanging words.

What's the express way to divorce without complications?

NB: The dad has asked me to quit before I start to develop HBP.