₦airaland Forum

Pkingman:
HELP! My Wife Is Abnormal

Hello house, Pls I need mature advice on this issue.
I had to create this account as to remain anonymous.

I've been married for 2 years plus, with a son and expecting another.
The problem is that my wife is not proud of me, not proud to be associated with me and does not show excitement concerning me or gifts that I buy for her.. She is just too plain, too emotionless.

True talk: She's Not Proud of You. Deal with it...

But then, you know b4 marrying her.

She probably thinks you are too WorWorism. I mean too WUGLY

PaulAris:
I think you gotta trigger her jealous button a lil(ok, a lot maybe). But the aim is to put her in place.
All this mess you facing is cause you've been taken for granted.
So you gotta step up to that position you ought to be, and that is someone that she's got a lot more value and respect for.
All this cries you've been making to her ears about she not going social with you and all that, you really gotta let it stop.
Don't even give a damn about if she decides to tag you or not.
With the less attention and cries you'll be giving her, she's gonna think again before she makes those her nasty moves.
Now this is why most men are fighting hard for men like you to take hold of their balls and not let some lady toss about anytime she wants.
You think if you knew your worth she'd be doing you like this?
Damn, women can identify a needy ass from a Man.
So get your balls together and quit being someone taken for granted!
And hey, get some damn Chicks!

Meliaen:
God bless your wisdom. As for me, I only started to feel free when he got married. I mean, I began to live only after he got married for he used to blame me for the misfortune of breaking up. The first few years weren't easy but I can now say to a great extent we've all moved forward.

victorian:
Oga, you are not tall dark and handsome. Talk true make devil shame.

Anyways I understand what she's going through. Cause I almost got myself entrapped in such kind of marriage but counselling with my Pastor saved me on-time.
I'm not saying u are a bad person, neither am I saying u are ugly but the thing is this : you can be someonelse dream man , perfect and Denzel looking to another woman except your wife. Your wife has the idea of how her ideal man should look like.
Not all women are tall, dark and handsome as their ideal looking man. Some prefer average height, natural for looks with a muscular or athletic body. That's why God created us in different shapes and sizes.
And your wife who got married in her 30s must have seen it all, got heartbroken by the kind of guys, she would have love to marry and settle down with. But reality dawned on her, such guys won't make A good husband to her. Then u strolled along into life, she realised u are serious with marriage. She checked herself, she's not getting younger, what da heck! Lemme marry. I will simply resign my self to this marriage as long as I have a family with him. Who cares about happiness and love. Most marriages sef are just there.
And with what friends will always ring into our ears everyday. Marriage is not about love, it's about marrying a man who is ready and capable to stay married. Just be humble and calm, have your kids and have a business or career going for yourself. That's all. We don't always marry who we wish to marry and here we are with our kids. You cannot be selective anymore, forget about falling in love and just Marry!
That's exactly how your wife feels. She's resigned to her fate with u. She cannot leave u, cos she's determined to stay married. Her happiness is irrelevant as long as she's Mrs.

What a life


In my own case, I stopped myself on-time from marrying the guy who proposed to me, after opening my heart to my Pastor. My Pastor said do I want to be lifeless in the marriage, I said no with tears almost running down my cheeks. He said good, then don't marry him, cos u will regret it. Tell him kindly u simply don't love him, which is the truth. There and then I felt so free and alive, I even felt like hugging the pastor with so much joy! Lol
I told the guy, I'm sorry dear, I can't go thru with it. And I don't regret it. I feel free and alive! . I don't care about my age. I just want to feel at peace wit my soul and being.

victorian:
Amen my Sis.
Don't mind him, he's the blackmailing type.

It's not like he spent a dime on u. But he simply used emotional blackmail on you. Thinking with such attitude u will go back to him. Smhhh
I'm glad u didn't allow him push u into changing your decision

Do u know there was even one guy like that, weve not even started dating o. He simply wooed me and I was like lemme think about. I didn't really fancy him, lemme not lie but I felt telling him no! Outright will not be the right thing to do.
So I said lemme think about it, gimme til next week. Before next week I sent him a message : sorry we can't date. I'm not feeling your looks.
The guy called my line immediately and said I have crushed his heart. Tears are falling from his eyes, have just ruined his day. He fell in love with me the first day and he thought am already his. I looked at my phone and I was like in my mind, is this guy OK?
How can i be yours, when I said lemme think about it.

He was like he's so heartbroken, he can't even continue work today anymore and he started talking like he was crying. Then he cut the call.

I say na WA o.. See me see trouble! We never start and he's crying or pretending to cry, God abeg o! Thank God I didn't date him o or even collected a pin from him.

Can u see how manipulative some guys can be? How much more yours?

victorian:
Oga, you are not tall dark and handsome. Talk true make devil shame.

Anyways I understand what she's going through. Cause I almost got myself entrapped in such kind of marriage but counselling with my Pastor saved me on-time.
I'm not saying u are a bad person, neither am I saying u are ugly but the thing is this : you can be someonelse dream man , perfect and Denzel looking to another woman except your wife. Your wife has the idea of how her ideal man should look like.
Not all women are tall, dark and handsome as their ideal looking man. Some prefer average height, natural for looks with a muscular or athletic body. That's why God created us in different shapes and sizes.
And your wife who got married in her 30s must have seen it all, got heartbroken by the kind of guys, she would have love to marry and settle down with. But reality dawned on her, such guys won't make A good husband to her. Then u strolled along into life, she realised u are serious with marriage. She checked herself, she's not getting younger, what da heck! Lemme marry. I will simply resign my self to this marriage as long as I have a family with him. Who cares about happiness and love. Most marriages sef are just there.
And with what friends will always ring into our ears everyday. Marriage is not about love, it's about marrying a man who is ready and capable to stay married. Just be humble and calm, have your kids and have a business or career going for yourself. That's all. We don't always marry who we wish to marry and here we are with our kids. You cannot be selective anymore, forget about falling in love and just Marry!
That's exactly how your wife feels. She's resigned to her fate with u. She cannot leave u, cos she's determined to stay married. Her happiness is irrelevant as long as she's Mrs.

What a life


In my own case, I stopped myself on-time from marrying the guy who proposed to me, after opening my heart to my Pastor. My Pastor said do I want to be lifeless in the marriage, I said no with tears almost running down my cheeks. He said good, then don't marry him, cos u will regret it. Tell him kindly u simply don't love him, which is the truth. There and then I felt so free and alive, I even felt like hugging the pastor with so much joy! Lol
I told the guy, I'm sorry dear, I can't go thru with it. And I don't regret it. I feel free and alive! . I don't care about my age. I just want to feel at peace wit my soul and being.

victorian:
Amen my Sis.
Don't mind him, he's the blackmailing type.

It's not like he spent a dime on u. But he simply used emotional blackmail on you. Thinking with such attitude u will go back to him. Smhhh
I'm glad u didn't allow him push u into changing your decision

Do u know there was even one guy like that, weve not even started dating o. He simply wooed me and I was like lemme think about. I didn't really fancy him, lemme not lie but I felt telling him no! Outright will not be the right thing to do.
So I said lemme think about it, gimme til next week. Before next week I sent him a message : sorry we can't date. I'm not feeling your looks.
The guy called my line immediately and said I have crushed his heart. Tears are falling from his eyes, have just ruined his day. He fell in love with me the first day and he thought am already his. I looked at my phone and I was like in my mind, is this guy OK?
How can i be yours, when I said lemme think about it.

He was like he's so heartbroken, he can't even continue work today anymore and he started talking like he was crying. Then he cut the call.

I say na WA o.. See me see trouble! We never start and he's crying or pretending to cry, God abeg o! Thank God I didn't date him o or even collected a pin from him.

Can u see how manipulative some guys can be? How much more yours?

slimjohn2k5:
Bro this story no complete, u said u noticed this before u guys got married right? How did u people have sex, does she frown or u guys have timetable for sex. Just wondering a woman that was relaxed for u to HV sex with her, must have been hurt by u for her to be acting this way.
Talk to her

ojun50:
Yr story long

you saw all this befor u guys got married bt wave it out because u love her, my broda u are in it already jst enjoy the marriage.

Pkingman:
What could be wrong with her?

Saviola247:
Bro, in short terms, your wife has a spiritual husband. Until she is delivered, you will keep complaining. Maybe her spiritual husband has told her that if she does any of these things you are complaining for you, that he might kill her. So take your wife for deliverance.

femi4:
She is not crazy about you.

I always tell men, marry the woman that loves you and not the one that you love.
You are more like the available option for her cos age wasn't on her side.
I would have said that the love will grow but there was no mutual love in the first place

She married you out of societal pressure, you are nothing close to her Dream man.

But there is hope, you can use reverse psychology to put her on her toes.

BETPAWA:
There is something she's not telling you about...

How do you people make love?

Does she moan?..d

Does she scream your name out loud when you hit the Gspot?

Pkingman:
HELP! My Wife Is Abnormal

Hello house, Pls I need mature advice on this issue.
I had to create this account as to remain anonymous.

I've been married for 2 years plus, with a son and expecting another.
The problem is that my wife is not proud of me, not proud to be associated with me and does not show excitement concerning me or gifts that I buy for her.. She is just too plain, too emotionless.

It started from our dating days.. We dated for a year plus.. She never wanted people to know about us. Always hiding me. As if the relationship was a secret. She never asked me for a pin.. I was happy she wasn't the demanding type.
When I proposed to her, I expected her to go over the moon, show excitement and flood social media with pictures.. But no way.
She was just mute and calm about it. She didn't even accept the idea of pre-wedding pictures when I suggested it.. Said it wasn't compulsory, she doesn't have time and energy for that..Few weeks later, she uploaded very beautiful studio pictures of herself alone in nice clothing, shoes, accessories on her facebook timeline without any caption about getting married or love.. Nothing about me at all.

Wedding came... She opted for a small quiet wedding.. Although we could afford a big wedding.. I was surprised.. So unfeminine... Women always prefer loud crowded weddings to show off.. She was supposed to be extremely excited as she was getting married esp at over 30 years when a woman is considered by societal standards to be hopeless and too old for marriage but no! She went about the whole festivities like nothing special was happening to her.

After the wedding, she didn't upload our wedding pictures on social media like normal women do. I then uploaded few pictures of us and tagged her. She immediately untagged herself and told me I could post whatever I wanted without necessarily tagging her.
Months after, she uploaded 2 pictures of herself alone in wedding gown and traditional attire.. None of mine till date.
She doesn't have any picture of me or us together on her facebook profile, she doesn't upload any picture of me or us on her whatsapp. It's always her picture alone or with our baby or her parents and siblings.
She hardly even takes pictures with me at social functions. She prefers personal pictures. Sometimes, she will even crop me out of her pictures and post only herself. She just keeps going on as if I don't exist. When I ask her why, she says she doesn't need to display me online to know she is married to me.
On my birthday, she didn't wish me HBD on any social media platform but she uploaded pictures of her 2 male colleagues at work(she is a medical doctor, a surgeon in training and planning to relocate abroad soon) and wished them HBD, wrote nice things about them.
Back home, all I got was a small get together, cake, drinks and gifts but I would have preferred to be acknowledged online as well. On her birthday, I dare not show her off or say anything on social media, she won't find it funny.. She prefers everything we do is private.
The part that breaks my heart is her attitude towards gifts.. When I met her, she was working, earning big, lived alone and had a car.I was happy she wasn't demanding or greedy... But I noticed if I buy her something, she just coldly thanks me and that's all. I am an Architect, working in a firm and also into private jobs.. I recently completed a project and was paid in millions.. I thought I should surprise my wife so I bought her a new car(an SUV).... She acted so plain.. Just said thank you and that was all.. Instead of displaying it all over social media platforms, write lovey dovey epistles about me and celebrate me like other women do.

By all standards, I am handsome, tall, dark, educated, nice guy, well to do, so why is she not proud to show me off?
Why does she not want me to show her off?

In all fairness, she has been a very nice partner so far but why this cold abnormal attitude ?This is not how women ought to behave.
I am getting tired already,i have discussed this with her but she doesn't wish to change.
What could be wrong with her?

victorian:
sorry we can't date. I'm not feeling your looks.

MrLankeeee:
Maybe she has spiritual husband.

Meliaen:
Look there's nothing to be proud of or show off with what was posted. These things happen. Mind you, my ex was a good man and he found someone like I.

UyaiIncomparabl:
You talk too much.

Pkingman:
On her relationship with me at home: She is a perfect partner.. Very friendly and jovial, respects me.. Despite her busy schedule, she still takes out time to keep the home running.. Cooks and does chores, without bothering me to assist.. I hate domestic chores ..we have no maid because she said she doesn't need a maid. My mum and hers take turns to visit and assist.

On Intimacy... Good.. Top notch.. Na she dey rush me sef. We play, pray and laugh.. We even watch football matches together. We both support Arsenal. We hardly quarrel.

On social functions : She isn't the very outgoing type.. More of an indoor person but we attend dew occasions together and she acts just okay... Not cold, not overly excited.. But if we take pictures together, she will never upload that but will rather upload her personal picture.

On gifts : I don't know if it's because she has her own money and can easily afford anything I buy for her.. She has never asked me for anything, even cash I give her because I believe I have to. She only says thank you, no excitement at all. Is this how independent women act?
I complained about this to her parents and siblings.. They said that's how she is.. But I don't feel good about this.. It's so not feminine. As if I am not adding anything to her.

On changing my attitude towards her : She doesn't even want me to put her up on social media as well.. So if I stop that, it won't bother her.
I can't just start giving her cold attitude at home.. No reason for that. Besides, she may just enjoy the space and shun me.. That will be to my own detriment because she sure knows how to keep to herself and mind her business while I can't .

My concern is that my friends, relatives, colleagues show off their partners and celebrate them online. They take pictures and post.. They use their spouses on their DPs.If I don't do same, won't people think my marriage is having issues? And my wife being the reason for this just doesn't sit well with me. I am uncomfortable about it because normal women don't behave like this. They are proud of being married. They are usually crazy about their husbands and look for every opportunity to show them off,display gifts and all that... How many women will husband buy new car for And they won't show off online, at least on whatsapp? Even though she already has a car she bought before we got married, I thought this will be different, being a new car and a SUV...Haba!

ThothHermes:
UyaiIncomparabl

Is this what I will experience from you

omonikiba:
My attitude towards my husband is about 80% of your wife. I don't ever post my husband's pics on social media not even on my dp. To me it is immaturity. I don't post my kids pics either.

On showing appreciation, that is an attitude of a self controlled woman, she is not greedy and strong willed. I dont ask my husband for money and when he got me a car all I said was and it's over due! Later I prayed for him and that's all. No special excitement, pictures and all of that. He was even asking i send the pics to my friends and am like that's pride!

I'll rather my friends and family see the car as a surprise not announcung myself. Some of these social media show offs eehhh, if you go deeper, you'll see and know that the only excitement is in the smiles they put up while snapping to show off. Nothing special that spice up their union.

Be ccontempted of your wife's attitude and chatacter, some men are looking for such a woman to wife.

OSUigboKiller:
Lol
What people go through when they marry a bitter girl that has been used and dumped by many and probably, one of her ex is doing very well and she's jealous and bitter about it.
The bitter truth is that, it can only get worse.
Chao

solasoulmusic:
Love opens you up literally so the things you were fearful to do you suddenly become bold. When people post you forget about those who will tell you that its for likes its a public declaration that this the the one I love. Its warning shot to all the greedy ones its a Risk too so Don't take that opportunity for granted and don't settle for those who wont do the same it will make you bitter.

Before love I was just Sola now I am Sola Soul...