₦airaland Forum

This topic is still going strong. I hope OP wont be even more confused than before from all the different opinions

Iwanttoto1:
How ya husband go luvs u when u no fit constructs simpul grammar?

Mumu like you, Foollllllll

ityP:
I want to have u know women are very emotional beings... They crave affection like every human craves oxygen... Hence, when a man shows constant, unfailingly love and attention to his woman, she naturally falls for him... its a simple hypothesis... A woman who loves her man more than the way he loves her would only be a slave to the man... That's cause men don't crave affection like women... We crave respect instead... Most of our mothers never had one single feelings for our dads before marriage... But when they entered marriage and received overflowing love from their husbands, that affection naturally came... Ask mature women, they would confirm this hypothesis

You are quoting our mothers
Does the present breed of women we have today share any resemblance with our mothers?
See the world has changed so much from our mothers them time.
And one has to go with the flow in a wise way
I believe in every relationship
Man and woman have their duties
And the success of the Union boils down to how each party plays there part well.

ojun50:
if you endure u will nt enjoy...... Jst enjoy nd he will leave happily there after

He's already not enjoying it.

...

ojun50:
Yr story long

you saw all this befor u guys got married bt wave it out because u love her, my broda u are in it already jst enjoy the marriage.

endure is the word

Meliaen:
Good question. My ex was obsessed with me. He literally never wanted me out of his sight and did everything to keep me around. A few times I tried breaking up but he begged me each time. I wasn't even working when we broke up so money was never the issue.

His undoing was his positivity. Ex was sadly too positive for his own good. He believed I loved him and I often wondered in my head, "what kind of man is this". Ex would tell me he knows I love him so much. He still believes this. Never have I come across a man like him. You see all these things @Op posted, you'll never find my ex doing such or giving it a thought despite the fact that the handwriting is on the wall. That's who he is. Too positive. Too confident.

Thanks for providing some level of clarity.
I'd presume you were quite young when the relationship kicked off so throwing away 8 years of your life in a false relationship wasn't a big concern.

Oh, well, it's all in the past now. Wishing you all the best in your future relationships.
I hope you find the strength to speak and stand by the truth, even if it hurts.

gaby:
The guy's dream was to have a career/professional wife obviously and when he landed this Doctor, he lost all his manly senses by ignoring crucially important tell tale signs that would have prevented a topic like this.

The guy tries too hard to impress the woman yet she still fails to get impressed, all she feels is more repulsion instead and oga fails to see any of these.

If you know how choking or suffocating it can be when someone you truly have no genuine love for is all over you and trying tooth and nail to impress you, you'd even feel sorry for the woman.

The woman is quiet and reserved my ass...wished there was a way you could see her in a room alone with someone she truly loves only then will you understand that true love knows no inhibitions.

exactly

She sees him as a piece of shit
Lol

I pity the op a little though
He finally came out of the dreamland

Dah the op is really stupid. I pray he see my comment. How can he see hot oil and jump into it

ojun50:
Yr story long

you saw all this befor u guys got married bt wave it out because u love her, my broda u are in it already jst enjoy the marriage.

gaby:
Lol...your account shall keep filling up and running over...

I no sabi carry water for mouth talk...I say it the way it is my brother.

Life school na im I go...that's a very serious school where you no fit dodge class or buy grades by whatever means.

you are still killing me
should I give you my second kidney?
you are immortal

atikulated2019:
you are still killing me
should I give you my second kidney?
you are immortal

Pkingman:
HELP! My Wife Is Abnormal

Hello house, Pls I need mature advice on this issue.
I had to create this account as to remain anonymous.

I've been married for 2 years plus, with a son and expecting another.
The problem is that my wife is not proud of me, not proud to be associated with me and does not show excitement concerning me or gifts that I buy for her.. She is just too plain, too emotionless.

It started from our dating days.. We dated for a year plus.. She never wanted people to know about us. Always hiding me. As if the relationship was a secret. She never asked me for a pin.. I was happy she wasn't the demanding type.
When I proposed to her, I expected her to go over the moon, show excitement and flood social media with pictures.. But no way.
She was just mute and calm about it. She didn't even accept the idea of pre-wedding pictures when I suggested it.. Said it wasn't compulsory, she doesn't have time and energy for that..Few weeks later, she uploaded very beautiful studio pictures of herself alone in nice clothing, shoes, accessories on her facebook timeline without any caption about getting married or love.. Nothing about me at all.

Wedding came... She opted for a small quiet wedding.. Although we could afford a big wedding.. I was surprised.. So unfeminine... Women always prefer loud crowded weddings to show off.. She was supposed to be extremely excited as she was getting married esp at over 30 years when a woman is considered by societal standards to be hopeless and too old for marriage but no! She went about the whole festivities like nothing special was happening to her.

After the wedding, she didn't upload our wedding pictures on social media like normal women do. I then uploaded few pictures of us and tagged her. She immediately untagged herself and told me I could post whatever I wanted without necessarily tagging her.
Months after, she uploaded 2 pictures of herself alone in wedding gown and traditional attire.. None of mine till date.
She doesn't have any picture of me or us together on her facebook profile, she doesn't upload any picture of me or us on her whatsapp. It's always her picture alone or with our baby or her parents and siblings.
She hardly even takes pictures with me at social functions. She prefers personal pictures. Sometimes, she will even crop me out of her pictures and post only herself. She just keeps going on as if I don't exist. When I ask her why, she says she doesn't need to display me online to know she is married to me.
On my birthday, she didn't wish me HBD on any social media platform but she uploaded pictures of her 2 male colleagues at work(she is a medical doctor, a surgeon in training and planning to relocate abroad soon) and wished them HBD, wrote nice things about them.
Back home, all I got was a small get together, cake, drinks and gifts but I would have preferred to be acknowledged online as well. On her birthday, I dare not show her off or say anything on social media, she won't find it funny.. She prefers everything we do is private.
The part that breaks my heart is her attitude towards gifts.. When I met her, she was working, earning big, lived alone and had a car.I was happy she wasn't demanding or greedy... But I noticed if I buy her something, she just coldly thanks me and that's all. I am an Architect, working in a firm and also into private jobs.. I recently completed a project and was paid in millions.. I thought I should surprise my wife so I bought her a new car(an SUV).... She acted so plain.. Just said thank you and that was all.. Instead of displaying it all over social media platforms, write lovey dovey epistles about me and celebrate me like other women do.

By all standards, I am handsome, tall, dark, educated, nice guy, well to do, so why is she not proud to show me off?
Why does she not want me to show her off?

In all fairness, she has been a very nice partner so far but why this cold abnormal attitude ?This is not how women ought to behave.
I am getting tired already,i have discussed this with her but she doesn't wish to change.
What could be wrong with her?

What's the sex like? Does the earth move for you guys?

If you're proud of each other in the bedroom then I don't see any cause for alarm.

bLacKGoLd3:
Thanks for providing some level of clarity.
I'd presume you were quite young when the relationship kicked off so throwing away 8 years of your life in a false relationship wasn't a big concern.

Oh, well, it's all in the past now. Wishing you all the best in your future relationships.
I hope you find the strength to speak and stand by the truth, even if it hurts.

Thank you. I was well over 25 when we broke. Though he was domineering, I should have asserted myself better than I did in the breaking up regard.

megareal:
Sorry, I have to quote you. Your analysis leaves me perplexed because I am just like the wife of the OP. I have never shown my husband off on social media. No wedding pix, no cute lovey dovey stuff. I don't wish him happy birthday or comment on his post cos we are not friends.
Apart from our circle, folks on social media don't know I'm married to him. I love hubby like crazy, I'm proud of him and would sacrifice anything for him but in my mind, social media is a taboo when it comes to family. I hide my family like kilode. Hubby has never complained nor commented. I don't need to announce to the world that my marriage is good.

I am also very none enthusiastic when given gifts. They don't trip me, reason I couldn't be bought by any man when single. I used to react that way when hubby gave me gifts, even when he bought me a car, now I muster up a little excitement to thank him just so he wouldn't feel bad. I am not demanding neither do I care about his money.

Why I am writing this is because I see myself in that woman, and since I am just like her I'm wondering if your analysis is wrong. I do not have a secret lover or love interest. I've only ever loved my husband in the real sense of the word and the thought of cheating has never crossed my mind, so I'm wondering, could you be wrong about her?.

@OP, your wife MAY just be like me. I don't presume to know what goes on in your marriage, but I'd advise you take most of the advice given here with caution. An innocent woman may just be accused wrongly by folks whose first explanation to everything is cheating.

Just one question: Does your husband show you off on social media? If Yes, do you untag yourself when he tags you to pictures?

victorian:
I can't marry any man out there. I have my own taste!
Sighs, Nigerians

I did not intend to offend you. Neither, was it my intention to trivialize your right as a member of the society or as a woman.

djon78:
You are quoting our mothers
Does the present breed of women we have today share any resemblance with our mothers?
See the world has changed so much from our mothers them time.
And one has to go with the flow in a wise way
I believe in every relationship
Man and woman have their duties
And the success of the Union boils down to how each party plays there part well.

Duties are as follows:
Men, love your woman so much that she has no choice but to reciprocate.
Women, respect your man so much that he has no choice but to shower more love.
This still works like craze bro. Problem is, most men are not ready to give their all in relationships, instead they flirt and cheat. Women too, make it difficult for men by adopting screwed feminist mentality... As such, they don't respect their man as they should and hence, it directly affects how much affection the guy can show

GrossPrice:
I did not intend to offend you. Neither, was it my intention to trivialize your right as a member of the society or as a woman.

Thanks.

davide470:
Just one question: Does your husband show you off on social media? If Yes, do you untag yourself when he tags you to pictures?

He doesn't, he knows my stance on that.

To my mind, nothing is wrong, just not the expressive personality. Doesn't mean she cares less. She probably has seen a lot in life and at work to develop very little attachment to mundane things like cars, gifts etc. Op should thank his stars for being blessed. Some peeps would like to switch places with you even with some top payments sef. Dupe tie ooooo.

DeeMain:
OP, from your 3 posts on this thread there is a chance your wife loves you but doesn't like publicising her marriage. There is a chance the crucifying majority are wrong. Stay open to this possibility till you get to the root of this.

There may be a psychological reason for her behaviours - her not wanting to show you off, her not being excited about your gifts. The reasons might be quite different from those suggested by most posters here.

Humans are complex beings.

You need more information. To get to the bottom of this.

Has she always been this way? Is this weird private behaviour exclusive to you in all cases? Is she excited when she receives gifts from other people? Has she always been this way even in her childhood?

She may not even know why she acts the way she does. But you can lovingly partner with her with loving probing to get to the root cause. It may even be as a result of something that happened in her childhood or adolescence or family. It may be a coping mechanism against a past trauma.

Maybe she needs help and understanding. Maybe.

Or maybe they are right.

All you need is more info.

Bottom line, I am not saying people saying she doesn't love you are wrong. All I'm saying is "what if they are wrong?" All I'm suggesting are different reasons that can make someone act the way she does.

God's grace.

PS: @megareal your post motivated me to write this. I initially felt the topic had been overflogged till I read your beautiful piece. There are 1001 possible reasons for her behaviours and there is a possibility that the crucifying majority are wrong. Humans, I repeat, are complex beings.

Thank you. Glad to know someone else sees this from a different angle. What we often think as pertain other individuals may be far from the truth. Humans as you said, are very complex individuals. I know I am.

Pkingman:
HELP! My Wife Is Abnormal

Hello house, Pls I need mature advice on this issue.
I had to create this account as to remain anonymous.

I've been married for 2 years plus, with a son and expecting another.
The problem is that my wife is not proud of me, not proud to be associated with me and does not show excitement concerning me or gifts that I buy for her.. She is just too plain, too emotionless.

It started from our dating days.. We dated for a year plus.. She never wanted people to know about us. Always hiding me. As if the relationship was a secret. She never asked me for a pin.. I was happy she wasn't the demanding type.
When I proposed to her, I expected her to go over the moon, show excitement and flood social media with pictures.. But no way.
She was just mute and calm about it. She didn't even accept the idea of pre-wedding pictures when I suggested it.. Said it wasn't compulsory, she doesn't have time and energy for that..Few weeks later, she uploaded very beautiful studio pictures of herself alone in nice clothing, shoes, accessories on her facebook timeline without any caption about getting married or love.. Nothing about me at all.

Wedding came... She opted for a small quiet wedding.. Although we could afford a big wedding.. I was surprised.. So unfeminine... Women always prefer loud crowded weddings to show off.. She was supposed to be extremely excited as she was getting married esp at over 30 years when a woman is considered by societal standards to be hopeless and too old for marriage but no! She went about the whole festivities like nothing special was happening to her.

After the wedding, she didn't upload our wedding pictures on social media like normal women do. I then uploaded few pictures of us and tagged her. She immediately untagged herself and told me I could post whatever I wanted without necessarily tagging her.
Months after, she uploaded 2 pictures of herself alone in wedding gown and traditional attire.. None of mine till date.
She doesn't have any picture of me or us together on her facebook profile, she doesn't upload any picture of me or us on her whatsapp. It's always her picture alone or with our baby or her parents and siblings.
She hardly even takes pictures with me at social functions. She prefers personal pictures. Sometimes, she will even crop me out of her pictures and post only herself. She just keeps going on as if I don't exist. When I ask her why, she says she doesn't need to display me online to know she is married to me.
On my birthday, she didn't wish me HBD on any social media platform but she uploaded pictures of her 2 male colleagues at work(she is a medical doctor, a surgeon in training and planning to relocate abroad soon) and wished them HBD, wrote nice things about them.
Back home, all I got was a small get together, cake, drinks and gifts but I would have preferred to be acknowledged online as well. On her birthday, I dare not show her off or say anything on social media, she won't find it funny.. She prefers everything we do is private.
The part that breaks my heart is her attitude towards gifts.. When I met her, she was working, earning big, lived alone and had a car.I was happy she wasn't demanding or greedy... But I noticed if I buy her something, she just coldly thanks me and that's all. I am an Architect, working in a firm and also into private jobs.. I recently completed a project and was paid in millions.. I thought I should surprise my wife so I bought her a new car(an SUV).... She acted so plain.. Just said thank you and that was all.. Instead of displaying it all over social media platforms, write lovey dovey epistles about me and celebrate me like other women do.

By all standards, I am handsome, tall, dark, educated, nice guy, well to do, so why is she not proud to show me off?
Why does she not want me to show her off?

In all fairness, she has been a very nice partner so far but why this cold abnormal attitude ?This is not how women ought to behave.
I am getting tired already,i have discussed this with her but she doesn't wish to change.
What could be wrong with her?

Some few women are like this o but in this ur case bro, i am sure she does not love u as u love her. I thought she didn't like social media but she crops u out of her picture and posts on social media. Haba dats wicked. Dis particular one shows she doesn't love u. Its obvious. Uploading her male colleagues picture on ur birthday? Habaaa very disrespectful. besides, hope she isn't older than u? Stop giving her all dat attention for now. Dat should be d first line of action. I wish we can talk bro. My uncle was in dis ur situation and believe me it didn't end well cos he didn't act fast about it. i think she does not see u as her ideal man but things can change. I really wish to speak to u

tolanibae:
This is one of the most educating thread on nairaland so far.

Where Op is the case study

.

CanadianNaija:
There's nothing wrong with your wife. I have never posted a boyfriend, no felt the need to. I don't do DPs either.

I can send the pics of gifts to friends if i need to show them something, but i will never post a gift, or do all those lovey dovey stuff on my social media because it's never interested me. I have also untagged myself lot's of times from boyfriends that tried to go against my wish, displaying PDA.

It doesn't mean i wasn't in love or is still not in love, I've just never liked it, and i don't know why.
I show excitement when i receive gifts from my man, will i post it on my social media where friends and family can see it? No.

It's obvious that you're too busy worrying about what strangers think about your marriage that you are not taking out time to appreciate what you have. Everybody is not social media crazy, or need validation from strangers, so calm down before you push her away.

Sorry ma'am this is marriage we're talking about. Its past d issue of boyfriend and girlfriend. I wonder why Op married her after seeing the signs when he knew he couldn't cope. Its not just her habit. Its beyond that. Something is wrong somewhere. If truly she doesn't like social media, why did she post herself in her wedding gown alone? Did she wed a ghost? It doesn't make sense.

.

ThisCouldBeUs:
You talk too much[s][/s]

Lol... this frog meme cracked me up

CanadianNaija:
There's nothing wrong with your wife. I have never posted a boyfriend, no felt the need to. I don't do DPs either.

I can send the pics of gifts to friends if i need to show them something, but i will never post a gift, or do all those lovey dovey stuff on my social media because it's never interested me. I have also untagged myself lot's of times from boyfriends that tried to go against my wish, displaying PDA.

It doesn't mean i wasn't in love or is still not in love, I've just never liked it, and i don't know why.
I show excitement when i receive gifts from my man, will i post it on my social media where friends and family can see it? No.

It's obvious that you're too busy worrying about what strangers think about your marriage that you are not taking out time to appreciate what you have. Everybody is not social media crazy, or need validation from strangers, so calm down before you push her away.

We are talking about someone's spouse here and not "boyfriend-girlfriend ". The woman in question is his wife for God sake! It is understandable when you don't post a boyfriend's pics on social media because of the fear of eventual breakup, but certainly not ones spouse.

umilitypays:
Op Cc: Pkingman

Your wife does not love you, simple!

Your wife is not proud of you!

I used to be an international level relationship counsellor, and during those times, I met and counselled women of all races, class and profession. So I will be honest with you, no mincing words!

Your wife married you out of no other available choice. Your wife got heartbroken by her dream man, and she couldn't get another of her dream men to propose and marry her, her type of men weren't coming forth while her age advances without pity, and family was pressuring her to settle down, and you came onboard and she noticed you are serious to settle down and have the finance to settle down, so she decided to just marry you in order to fulfill all righteousness of being married.

Deep down her heart, you are the least of the type of men she admires and trips for. In fact, it still surprises and disgusts her that she married u, she can't believe it, she looks at u and get upset. When I was a relationship counselor, I learned a lot from women, it built my level of confidence with women and it helped me understood women of all races and class better. They confided in me. Many married women don't love their husbands, they married their husbands out of no choice. Their dream men weren't coming, some got heartbroken by their dream men, some their dream man wasn't financially buoyant to marry them and family pressure pushed to marry the rich men they married.

You maybe tall, dark, handsome but that's to you. Not all women love dark, tall and handsome, some ladies prefer average height guys, some prefer slim guys, some prefer plump guys, some even prefer fat guys, some prefer skinny guys, some prefer rugged looking guys, some prefer Churchy looking guys, so for ladies, they don't have a definite look of an ideal man, forget what you read online, it is only men that have a defined qualities of what they see as hot lady; big protruding buttocks, firm breast, flat tummy, ladies are not like men, sometimes the man they see as handsome maybe ugly to many other women, that's women for you.

And women's love radiate beyond physical looks, they consider inconsequential things and qualities u may hear and shiver, that's women, they are weird creatures, doesn't mean u are not so many ladies ideal man.

@ the bolded got me cracked up. Their life is so freaking complicated!

izombie:
Op i saw this your post late so i am typing this on page 19. Let me start by saying that in every relationship, the person that cares less about the relationship is in charge. In this case, your wife. Now listen and listen good. The more you try to suck up to her the more you irritate her. This is how to treat this kind of people, stop trying to impress her. Stop buying her gifts. Just buy the things you need at home for everyone. Remain a good husband to her but stop complaining about her social media but instead stop posting pictures of you and her online, just like she's doing. Check her profile relationship status, if it doesn't say married, don't complain about it, just change yours to single. Even if hers says "in a relationship", put yours to single.
Stop buying her any birthday present. Just say happy birthday to her and that should be all. Pay her with her own coin. Act aloof. I tell you, she'll start appreciating you more.

This is the best solution I've seen on here.You seems to understand women's psychology. I won't say more than this

JoannaSedley:
Op. I hope we have left you more confused than you were when you posted this.
The power of nairaland 101.....confuse them till they deactivates.

this got me ROTFL

DukeNija:
This is not true. She posts her own pics and those of her colleagues but crops him out? She wasn’t even excited when he bought her a brand new car. Jeez! Are you kidding? The woman doesn’t love him one bit. Who asks her husband not to post her pics on her own birthday. Like who does that? The man is doomed

This says it all. She wants nothing to do with this bros, not even his gifts can change that. What a sad state to be in.

I've finally read all comments

@ op, I don't have any advice for you, I'm quite a young man and haven't been lucky with women so I don't understand them.

But from my knowledge about life, philosophy and psychology, I will say that there is something missing in this jigsaw (marriage of yours). And for your sake, you have to find it.

Chaw.