₦airaland Forum

athorello:
Your maid like one of my sisters is just a bad pikin... They act like they're been controlled by a bad (evil) force (spirit). I don't have problem with stubborn children but evil controlled without conscience ones. They don't take advice, threats and examples of their bad examples. You'll just want to beat them to your full but that doesn't help too. My sister had come face to face with death yet hardly has she changed. At least her way of life is yet cost you or make you answer to questions you know nothing about.

My advice:
She doesn't deserve your help again unless you can genuinely love her like your own baby. She's also very ripe for plucking. So before she becomes a full blown liability, send her back to her people. Or you can decide to test run it for a while; send her home and cut her off meantime. If there's no noticeable change and remorse, make it permanent.

Get another 11-13 year old that you can manage and shower with same love.

Nevertheless, my advice is useless if you feel even with her misdemeanor, she's still very helpful and useful to you. To that end, carry her as your cross (like your own child).

Thanks I appreciate. E go hard me to keep her.

tommy589:
What you wrote is not correct.I believe you have never encountered girls like this that's why it's easy for you to generalise. As the man of the house I have never molested the one staying with us,someone I know questioned if I had slept with her before when my wife called last week to report her.By nature I don't inspire fear in anyone same with my wife too.
Let me share two of many incidents that indicated she is probably beyond redemption;She was caught red-handed with a boy of 20 sometimes ago and denied the boy slept with her in the presence of police when we got to the police station.The recent one of two years ago was when One of the teachers of her former school saw her with another girl coming out of hotel and questioned their mission there,she said they visited her uncle lodging there that just came back from overseas. Girls that act this way are just naturally bad,it's not because they are undergoing an adolescent phase,they just want to be free without any adult supervision.

FREEDOM. That's it. She wants to do whatever she wants to do viod if adult supervision. It would cost the child nothing to forgive the parents for restricting but if its me,she will feel its wickedness. So its safe she goes.

Jackossky:
Girls of nowadays. I for one can't place when they get their temerity from. Op, it's not just your maid but most girls out there, I don't know if they are dumb, they believe guys,hol line and sinker. The worst are those that love boys on their own accord. I'm saying this from what I've observed from someone close to me, like a girl asking a guy what he wants with her with the chat implying she is waiting for the guy to tell her he loves her. When a girl of 18/19 gets pregnant, having finished secondary school, will you allow her to abort the pregnancy or give birth?
What you can do to the girl is continue advising her even though it seems the advise is not working, if possible, give her a close-monitor marking, where you know when she is to ovulate/menstruation and all that.
Tell her the negativities in having boyfriends, boys are liars. At that age, we just want a braggiy right, a feeling of how we get to smash a fine girl, tension is all high and we can say anything just to ..... Tell her that is what boys are, they are just trying to use her and would brag about it among themselves when they are having fun together.

Tell her she is too young for it, she will get to a stage where you she will be handed the free rein and so she should be wise about it. Show her cases of girls around you that got pregnant at a young age, does she live the life they are living? Show her the world in a nutshell, be mindful of the kind of clothes she wear, peruse her phone if need be, and in the end, let her know you have an authority above her.

Beat her less, pray for her like a Christian or Muslim, whenever you are around, make sure she is with you. Take her out when you attend weddings, let her see the world through your eyes, censor her sight, when she see the good things like grand weddings, she will wish to have one, when she see guys owning empires, she will start developing a high taste and you won't see her with those useless men but women of virtue but the downside is she will slay.

Thanks so much. I appreciate. She doesn't stay in doors. We attend family functions,outings and events together. I have told her all these. Would just give her this post to read

lacapine:
FREEDOM. That's it. She wants to do whatever she wants to do viod if adult supervision. It would cost the child nothing to forgive the parents for restricting but if its me,she will feel its wickedness. So its safe she goes.

One of my cousin that came to live with my twin did same thing. She leave for school by 7am guess when she gets back from school 7 or 8pm. We questioned her motives, she said its lesson. When she couldn't take it anymore, she sent her back to her mother immediately. She complained that shes always indoors and want to out, to see who? Those useless boys to whisper sweet nothings to your ear, get you pregnant and ruin your life abi. No way, go and be free in your father house. If you want to be useless, do it in your fathers house, not here.

Op do the needful abeg. Send her back to her parents. She can be free in her parents house not your house.

lacapine:
I did. I shouldn't have but I did.

ok

lacapine:
I don't understand child labor. If I have a child age 12, won't she be useful to me and help out with her younger ones? Did you see the part that she goes home during some holls and comes back on her own accord? Yes, a friend of hers has admitted to me before and she has admitted being introduced to same sex sth even before she came to my house. She had told me one time how close she went with a guy but no penetration. It takes a lot for a "slave" to open up at that level no matter the threat. The flogging part, I already stated, I lost it. Thanks for you input.

Ok. If you read widely, you will have seen in many Victorian books that child labour in workhouses and chimney sweeping were considered "normal" and the employers even considered themselves as benevolent. But some people fought against it until society accepted it was not normal.
Your child is your child. But this one isn't. Even your own child, in a civilised society there is limit to how much work you can make her do.

sisisioge:
She's in SS1, Neco is until SS2 or SS3 fa.

Just let her go and write GCE without finishing ss3. That way she will get her Olevel result.... And send her back, anywhere she may be later, at least she has her WAEC results. because she will still stay for another 2 years before she really gets to ss3 and by that time. No let me talk

lacapine:
. I have tried to show her. Her elder sister is a constant reminder of this as she fell pregnant at 18 and dropped out of school to have the baby. Never went back to school and not even with the father of the baby right now. She also had a friend I fought hard to separate her from. Its from.my help I hear how that one clubs, drinks, does drugs and follows older men. I would tell her, had it been I allowed you still be her friend, you might have ended up like her. She would say yes that she is glad she didn't go that way. Right now, I feel she just says it cis she feels that's what I want to hear and she doesn't really mean them.. Her mom has advised, many people have talked. I guess she really wants to be free and that type of freedom she is seeking, I can't give.

you have played your part then. you can free her and let her decide her future the way she wants it. God bless you

lacapine:
. I have tried to show her. Her elder sister is a constant reminder of this as she fell pregnant at 18 and dropped out of school to have the baby. Never went back to school and not even with the father of the baby right now. She also had a friend I fought hard to separate her from. Its from.my help I hear how that one clubs, drinks, does drugs and follows older men. I would tell her, had it been I allowed you still be her friend, you might have ended up like her. She would say yes that she is glad she didn't go that way. Right now, I feel she just says it cis she feels that's what I want to hear and she doesn't really mean them.. Her mom has advised, many people have talked. I guess she really wants to be free and that type of freedom she is seeking, I can't give.

Just allow her to enjoy her Life, Have sex with plenty boys & get pregnant in peace. Dem no dey tell pesin, experience is the best teacher.

Remember that you are not the Savior of the World Okay? Jesus is, not you. So do your job & leave the rest. get another maid, abi na only she dey Lagos?

Kiddyong123ayo:
Just let her go and write GCE without finishing ss3. That way she will get her Olevel result.... And send her back, anywhere she may be later, at least she has her WAEC results. because she will still stay for another 2 years before she really gets to ss3 and by that time. No let me talk

Someone that will get pregnant before the GCE, Mtchew!!!

Send her back home.

But why is that it is the maids that start behaving so rebellious and wanting so much freedom even if you treat them like your own?Your own child will not try all that... going out to see boys and all.

I think it has more to do with upbringing and inferiority complex. I couldn't think of branching a guy's place at that age when sent on an errand. In fact, i wouldn't even stop and talk to a guy when it's dark. This your maid has serious nerves and what my people would call "nsong eyen".

shumuel:
It seems your story isn't true, because i can't understand this ''She doesn't want to go back'' that you keep replying to every good advise given.

Well, it is until she get's pregnant for your husband, and he sent you packing, that you would know she deserves to had been gone.

That she doesn't want to go back doesn't mean I don't want to send her back. There is a difference between what she wants and what I want. If its any consolation to you, she's going.

OvaSabi1:
When a maid is that bold it means they want to leave your place. They will not say it directly but they want you to be the one to pursue them.

She don dey go.

linasparkle:
I have replied you already

Yea I saw it. Check again

truthsayer009:
Ayyyy! See oh! How old is Regina Daniels please? Wikipedia says she is 18. Please let her have Boyfriend in peace, her mates her buying Houses & Mercedes for their parents.

Abi na. She can buy for her parents now if she so wishes.

truthsayer009:
Yes, you need to practice the act early enough, get enough experience, so you can be ready for full time husband snatching when you eventually become 20 years old. Every trade requires time to perfect, don't you think so?

you are such a clown. Lol..

evolved:
I'd say to advise and/or teach her what interests her for now...

How to handle male interests without selling herself cheap. If u guys gist like adults, discuss boys and their antics wen they want sex...

Probably even gist her of ur own encounters wen u were still out n young... It might help her build d needed trust dat will let her confide in u.

Teach her;
to b proud of her body, to see herself worthy of any and all praises she gets for it. To know that not all who praise her want what is best for her.

To know how to solve the multitudes of interests and decide which to entertain and when to drop the entertained when he messed up.

To realise that as much as she may want to feed her body, she she also strive to feed her mind.

Perhaps give her her own room, get her small periodic allowance to spend however she seems fit.

There are a thousand and one lessons you yourself missed out on while dating, why not see how you can teach her?

At least teach her to have confidence in her body and to add more qualities to her personality beyond just looks, take it that you r saddled with raising a would be wife.

Threatening to send her back to d village/where, what's all that sef?

See her as ur own daughter and take that ownership/responsibility over her, perhaps u she read up some psychology of adolescent parenting and see how u can inculcate in her, the lessons she might need in order to become a good wife and start introducing them in her a little at a time.

If at 20 - 21 she displays sufficient maturity that most 25-29 yr olds of these days hardly have, she'll surely find a good man for herself.

In fact, d Calibre of people she will start rolling with ehn...na u go come dey thank God and she'll have u to thank for it all.

I'm not against a daughter having a boyfriend as soon as possible.. that's why I won't marry any woman who herself doesn't know how to handle her affairs well. Men will always want u.

it's ur job to know which ones want u for sex alone, which ones might b valuable in d long run.

If she's 18 then she's old enough to go on dates if she's interested.. wat u need to do is help her plan her time between her school /trade work, ur own errands, her own personal care, helping out with ur children (which must be sought/ pleaded and rewarded for and not commanded), and her own free time...

U may encourage her to face family/ school work fully Mondays you Fridays, then on Saturday, ask which of her friends she might like to visit, call d persons parents if u know, dash her transport, tell her to call u wen she's there.etc. maybe even drive her down.

Nxt Saturday/month, u might even encourage her to take a boy she likes and a girl friend of hers out.

U give her change to get small chops/sweets with n Transport herself back home.

U don't want her to take such risks yet, ask her to invite a friend home, let d friend join u in ur wrk. Etc. Be the accomplice and guide and desist from acts that will make start seeing you as an enemy.

If that ever happens, you'll lose her trust and before u know it.. she's out, doin things you don't approve of and perhaps even out of your house.

Na her u suppose take learn work o . Cos ur own children will not do any different when they come of age.

So use her to learn how to manage teenage/adolescent exuberance.

That yr threat about returning her to do village when. It will soon become stale and you'd surprised when one day she'd answer you to go ahead and return her.

you made a.lot of sense. Really appreciate. Walahi na she I been wan really use learn work and that freedom wey you dey talk so, it would be 21 years before I can give. I have a 15 years old I can give such freedom without being scared. She has a mind of her own but this one is easily carried away with sweet words. She doesn't have the maturity yet. I don't think its just age. Maturity has to come to play too.

1Sharon:
Kindly fućk off. If you had given that girl sex education you shouldn't worry too much. But I'm sure you didnt and are here wanting to reap where you didn't sow. If you don't let her live her life with boys, that doesn't mean she won't. If you tell her not to fvck boys, that doesn't mean she won't.

Many are mad, few are roaming.

lacapine:
Many are mad, few are roaming.

Yes o. Some ppl don't know they are mad

1Sharon:
Kindly fućk off. If you had given that girl sex education you shouldn't worry too much. But I'm sure you didnt and are here wanting to reap where you didn't sow. If you don't let her live her life with boys, that doesn't mean she won't. If you tell her not to fvck boys, that doesn't mean she won't.

shift

King44:
I remember at age 15 to early 18 I almost made my mom walk through hell, I was a thorn in her skin but right now I wish I had never been heartless and I am thankful for that, though she is not ur child but u raised her as long as she has not for once looked you straight into the eye and tell you what you have done for her is nothing that means she is not an ingrate, she doesn't want anything better than the love u have showered on her, she is just being young and dumb don't give up on her yet one day she would look back and say how grateful she is for raising her as a daughter despite being a helper and wish she hasn't let you go through those stress of sharpening her path... just hold on

looking back, what informed your attitude? We can learn from it. Your post is so heart piercing.

lacapine:
Hera is complicated kind of. Her parents never legally married but they.sha lived together and made babies. Her dad abandoned them to remarry another woman who he currently lives with and has babies with too. So her mum is alone..

You can see the import of what I'm talking about. A very complex background already.

You can work with the spirit of God in carrying out your vision for her life.

If you know how hear what God says, you can be equipped with directions from God on how to navigate the road ahead.

All the same, the Lord will bless your good heart. Stay positive about your plans for her and heavens will give you the grace to rejoice later.

lacapine:
looking back, what informed your attitude? We can learn from it. Your post is so heart piercing.

maturity

evolved:
I'd say to advise and/or teach her what interests her for now...

How to handle male interests without selling herself cheap. If u guys gist like adults, discuss boys and their antics wen they want sex...

Probably even gist her of ur own encounters wen u were still out n young... It might help her build d needed trust dat will let her confide in u.

Teach her;
to b proud of her body, to see herself worthy of any and all praises she gets for it. To know that not all who praise her want what is best for her.

To know how to solve the multitudes of interests and decide which to entertain and when to drop the entertained when he messed up.

To realise that as much as she may want to feed her body, she she also strive to feed her mind.

Perhaps give her her own room, get her small periodic allowance to spend however she seems fit.

There are a thousand and one lessons you yourself missed out on while dating, why not see how you can teach her?

At least teach her to have confidence in her body and to add more qualities to her personality beyond just looks, take it that you r saddled with raising a would be wife.

Threatening to send her back to d village/where, what's all that sef?

See her as ur own daughter and take that ownership/responsibility over her, perhaps u she read up some psychology of adolescent parenting and see how u can inculcate in her, the lessons she might need in order to become a good wife and start introducing them in her a little at a time.

If at 20 - 21 she displays sufficient maturity that most 25-29 yr olds of these days hardly have, she'll surely find a good man for herself.

In fact, d Calibre of people she will start rolling with ehn...na u go come dey thank God and she'll have u to thank for it all.

I'm not against a daughter having a boyfriend as soon as possible.. that's why I won't marry any woman who herself doesn't know how to handle her affairs well. Men will always want u.

it's ur job to know which ones want u for sex alone, which ones might b valuable in d long run.

If she's 18 then she's old enough to go on dates if she's interested.. wat u need to do is help her plan her time between her school /trade work, ur own errands, her own personal care, helping out with ur children (which must be sought/ pleaded and rewarded for and not commanded), and her own free time...

U may encourage her to face family/ school work fully Mondays you Fridays, then on Saturday, ask which of her friends she might like to visit, call d persons parents if u know, dash her transport, tell her to call u wen she's there.etc. maybe even drive her down.

Nxt Saturday/month, u might even encourage her to take a boy she likes and a girl friend of hers out.

U give her change to get small chops/sweets with n Transport herself back home.

U don't want her to take such risks yet, ask her to invite a friend home, let d friend join u in ur wrk. Etc. Be the accomplice and guide and desist from acts that will make start seeing you as an enemy.

If that ever happens, you'll lose her trust and before u know it.. she's out, doin things you don't approve of and perhaps even out of your house.

Na her u suppose take learn work o . Cos ur own children will not do any different when they come of age.

So use her to learn how to manage teenage/adolescent exuberance.

That yr threat about returning her to do village when. It will soon become stale and you'd surprised when one day she'd answer you to go ahead and return her.

You made so much sense. I really appreciate. I learnt new stuffs. Really appreciate.

King44:
I remember at age 15 to early 18 I almost made my mom walk through hell, I was a thorn in her skin but right now I wish I had never been heartless and I am thankful for that, though she is not ur child but u raised her as long as she has not for once looked you straight into the eye and tell you what you have done for her is nothing that means she is not an ingrate, she doesn't want anything better than the love u have showered on her, she is just being young and dumb don't give up on her yet one day she would look back and say how grateful she is for raising her as a daughter despite being a helper and wish she hasn't let you go through those stress of sharpening her path... just hold on

I get. Thanks.

Lexusgs430:
Your actions are not followed by severe consequences..... You are voicing your concerns, and she us simply ignoring all your concerns.....

Who is the leader? You or your maid?....

Hhhhmmmm!

missyblissy:
One of my cousin that came to live with my twin did same thing. She leave for school by 7am guess when she gets back from school 7 or 8pm. We questioned her motives, she said its lesson. When she couldn't take it anymore, she sent her back to her mother immediately. She complained that shes always indoors and want to out, to see who? Those useless boys to whisper sweet nothings to your ear, get you pregnant and ruin your life abi. No way, go and be free in your father house. If you want to be useless, do it in your fathers house, not here.

Op do the needful abeg. Send her back to her parents. She can be free in her parents house not your house.

Sure. Thanks

Kiddyong123ayo:
Just let her go and write GCE without finishing ss3. That way she will get her Olevel result.... And send her back, anywhere she may be later, at least she has her WAEC results. because she will still stay for another 2 years before she really gets to ss3 and by that time. No let me talk

lol. No talk. I understand.

alizma:
you have played your part then. you can free her and let her decide her future the way she wants it. God bless you

Amen. Bless you too.

ImaIma1:
But why is that it is the maids that start behaving so rebellious and wanting so much freedom even if you treat them like your own?Your own child will not try all that... going out to see boys and all.

I think it has more to do with upbringing and inferiority complex. I couldn't think of branching a guy's place at that age when sent on an errand. In fact, i wouldn't even stop and talk to a guy when it's dark. This your maid has serious nerves and what my people would call "nsong eyen".

I agree. Its inferiority complex and upbringing. She is so quick to tell a guy I miss you, my king, my own, I'd like to see you etc. Serious see finish. Thanks

IDERAWOLE:
You can see the import of what I'm talking about. A very complex background already.

You can work with the spirit of God in carrying out your vision for her life.

If you know how hear what God says, you can be equipped with directions from God on how to navigate the road ahead.

All the same, the Lord will bless your good heart. Stay positive about your plans for her and heavens will give you the grace to rejoice later.

Amen. Thanks. I am a Christian and can't say I personally hear God in the personal sense of it. God would help me navigate. Thanks.