₦airaland Forum

KevinDein:
Ah, absolutely, the usual I'm not perfect yet my husband adores me the way I'm. But your first paragraph says women should be non sentimental in their choice of men and should be ruthless, even. So basically men should accept women with all their flaws while women must be intolerable of men's shortcomings.

You women can fuckkkk off with your bias, double standards and hypocrisy. Frigging tiring.

Richy4:
I loved how u defined team work and cleverly omitted who was gonna take that final decisions.. the leader right? (The man )

in every social animal , there's always a hierarchy... Try and study the elephants.. even Lions to some extent( I said to some extent because in the case of the Lions, the lionesses provides and are still submissive to the lion which I believe if u hear it one more times u might remove your wigs and it will spoil your holiday mood )

Going by the Good Book's teaching, It says that a woman should be a help mate... since you wanna talk about this in financial bases... if the man decide to pay for the mortgage...and takes care of other bulky expenses, and the woman being the help-mate uses her income to buy groceries for the family... does that mean she was feeding the family? How did u know that the word submit means total slavery...?

Since we're talking about financial angle of marriage
Are u gonna Okay it for a woman to totally submit to the rich husband who was really abusive... Yes, he provided all her need.. she was not lacking in anything money can buy therefore it is politically correct for him to have every right overy her.... and she should submit totally because he was providing.... is that how marriage is viewed this days...?

Are we gonna base our argument on submission on percentage of provision in the family? .. If we provide 50-50, I can't totally submit... if I provide 100% you have all my submission... then if I provide 40% and u provide 60%, who am I to tell u what to do? Haba!! Even my grandma will roll in her grave in astonishment if she hears what the daughters of the land were implying

CHoccolaTE:
I decided to reply this post first because the bolded part caught my attention.
The choice of a husband should be something every young girl takes time to very carefully evaluate and meditate over and over on before it is made. This is not emphasized enough to young girls of dating age that is why there are many married women crying and complaining everyday of suffering under the oppression of their monster husbands. I am a member of many female oriented groups on Facebook and no day passes by without women coming out to narrate some kind of horrifying ordeal she passes through at home but comes outside to put on a happy face.
In western countries women are protected against oppression by laws but hardly so in many African countries such as in Nigeria where a man who didn't do court marriage can decide to throw his wifes things outside in the middle of the night or can decide to abandon her to fend for the children while he chases skirt outside.

African women have no business bring careless with their choice of a spouse. That is what will decide their happiness or misery for the next ten or twenty years.
And I am very strongly of the opinion that no woman should be completely jobless and dependent on her husband. She is just setting herself up for abuse and disrespect from her husband because regardless of what scriptures say, a large percentage of men do not believe that wives should have their needs met by their husbands.
And the failing economy is also something to take into consideration. Women need a good source of income in order to have economic power and leverage and to avoid any kind of tyranny and abuse from husbands that will start regarding them as worthless because they decide to be co breadwinners.

crackhaus:
Find your man, the one who is exactly what you desire as perfect for you... and have a happy life.

The day you realize that the only man who matters is the one you choose to be with, the better for you. Leave nairaland guys and most Nigerian men to be what they want, you can not succeed in making every male fit into your definition of what a man should be.

You know what you want in a man, seek him and pay no attention to the majority.

Cheers.

bukatyne:

I don't believe non earning equals disrespect.

One of my in-laws had a housewife because he wanted her to travel with him anywhere he went. He esteemed her so much they she was the ONLY mediator between her husband and everyone else.

There was so much romance that in their 70s, they bathed together and when the man died, the wife followed two weeks later.

Even death couldn't separate them.

And I have seen several earning wives, breadwinning wives who are constantly disrespected by their earning and non-earning husbands.

As much as the West have laws in place to cushion the effect of a divorce, no law can make a man treat his woman right.

That's why the onus is on her to choose well.

CHoccolaTE:
Its very nice to see the way you are very very objective and always seeing things from objective point of view
In all your posts
Wow, such objectivity

So nice


By the way I didn't say not earning equals disrespect. Everything I write here surely doesn't apply to every single man on earth, I don't have to keep repeating 'some men' or 'most men' in every post about men for people to know this.

I didn't say earning equals disrespect. Some men disrespect their wives because they don't earn anything or don't provide anything. Its a very common thing in Nigeria.

bukatyne:


This Easter is great.

CHoccolaTE:
So many Nigerian men have these disgusting double standard for marriage.
They are just really naturally selfish and self centered its so disgusting.
They want to cheat on their wives because they are supposedly "naturally polygamous" but will want a 100% faithful wife as if adultery was not forbidden for BOTH men and women. So which religious books are they following when they justify adultery with their naturally polygamous excuse?

They will be busy looking for financially independent wife that is providing for themselves and also contributing to house upkeep from her salary but they will also demand 100% submission from her. What kind of narcissistic and inconsiderate expectation is that please?

Excuse me but I don't even care if you think its because of arrogance or pride but a woman who is financially independent cannot be 100% submissive. What will she be gaining from the marriage then if she brings money to take care of your needs in the house but you still boss her around like an employee. Even men at their place of work can never be wiling to obey their boss if he isn't paying them their salary or if they are using their own cash to run the boss's company.

I am not even encouraging the wife to disrespect their husbands because they are financially independent, no. But I don't see why men will find it disrespectful if a woman who brings her hard earned money to pay rent or school fees or even food items wants to be part of the decision making process in her house. They want a docile sheep they can profit financially from and still control like a slave from at the same time.
Scammers.

The status quo about wives always submitting to authority of husband changed the moment you men decided that women should be financially independent and join their husbands in providing for their families.

The origin of the whole wives submission and husbands providing thing is from the Abrahamic religious books (Quran and Bible) which decreed that women submit to husbands while men go out and fend for the family. Islam makes it clear that wives are under no obligation to provide for the family and Christianity explicitly stated that men who cannot provide for their families are infidels.

Nowhere was it stated that it is the duty of the wife to join her husband is providing but you men want to guilt trip women into believing that they are failures if they don't join you in providing for the family. But you will never accept that you are also under obligation to cook or clean or take care of children just like the woman. The best you can get from men when it comes to house chores is a little assistance while the man will not fail to keep reminding his wife that he is just assisting her and house work is not for the husband.

Such irritating selfishness. Tufia

And lastly, that bullshit excuse of women becoming arrogant after they start earning more than their husbands or when the man is jobless is just complete crap because men do WORSE to women if the woman is completely dependent on them. Its in the nature of humans, males and females, to have more pride and ego when they are doing well in life or when they have a lot of money. Husbands who earn far more than their wives also exhibit tyrant and oppressive behaviours to their wives. Majority of them will always insult or degrade their wives and insult them because she depends on them. Some will even shamelessly keep girlfriends openly and flaunt it in front of their wives because they think she cannot go anywhere since she has no money. If she complains to outsiders, nobody chides the man or cautions him. They will tell the wife to get a job and start contributing to the family so that the man can respect her.
But when a man is dependent on the wife everyone wants the woman to increase her submission to him to hundredfold and not show any sign of arrogance and to patiently help him build himself up and pray for him.

Nonsense.

EbukaHades10:
What is the moral instruction of this super story now?

CHoccolaTE:
Its just such a pity that Nairaland has been overrun by jambites seeking admission into the university.

Mtsheew.

Posting immature comments everywhere because they have nothing better to do.

Chubhie:
Don't take it personal. She never posted a personal stuff. Rather what she posted is very observable to the blind. Why the need to scare her to beat a retreat? Guilty conscience perhaps?

I understand the need to defend the natural order,traditions and religions. They've served a need and outgrown their relevance. Times have changed and we must all elvove with the times as a progressive society or self destruct.

mrsthang:
@OP,I will go off point a bit, sorry.


It is important that women become very ruthless and non sentimental in their choice of partner.A man you choose to marry will contribute a lot to your mental stability in the long run.

It is better to lay out your expectations BEFORE marriage and see if values match up.

A good number of men are very clear as to their expectations ,some very unrealistic.This plays out in the dating phase and yet we find women thinking marriage would suddenly make the person change and become more considerate?

If you are dating someone and playing househelp while also footing bills,how would this translate after marrying?

A- very traditional will expect you to do all the housework ,will expect to make all decisions while you don't contribute any of your money to running the house.

B-will expect you to work,do all the chores,submit your money to him and he will then dispense as he pleases.

C-will do house chores without breaking a sweat while you are the bread winner.

D-will out earn you and be happy to let you run things,may not even care about your cash.

E- 50-50 finances with chores split evenly or almost evenly.

It goes on and on,we as females have a choice as to whom we decide to spend our lives with.

Find the one that keys in to your own vision,do not make the mistake of thinking that a wicked, selfish person will mellow and become an angel.

Humans vary so much in their wants and needs,there is always a suitable person no matter how long it takes.

Not every woman is built to be submissive and a number of men are happy for the women to make final decisions.

There are also men who lead their homes seamlessly.

Yet again there are homes where there is partnership and each partner makes decisions based on their proficiency.

It goes on and on,we just need to respect our differences.

I would say discuss money, religion,raising kids, sex,chores ,headship,tailship, neck ship,abuse etc before saying I do.


Marriage is a windy road with two imperfect people,there are ups and downs,but it can be mostly beautiful if it is done with the right person.

CHoccolaTE:
So many Nigerian men have these disgusting double standard for marriage.
They are just really naturally selfish and self centered its so disgusting.
They want to cheat on their wives because they are supposedly "naturally polygamous" but will want a 100% faithful wife as if adultery was not forbidden for BOTH men and women. So which religious books are they following when they justify adultery with their naturally polygamous excuse?

They will be busy looking for financially independent wife that is providing for themselves and also contributing to house upkeep from her salary but they will also demand 100% submission from her. What kind of narcissistic and inconsiderate expectation is that please?

Excuse me but I don't even care if you think its because of arrogance or pride but a woman who is financially independent cannot be 100% submissive. What will she be gaining from the marriage then if she brings money to take care of your needs in the house but you still boss her around like an employee. Even men at their place of work can never be wiling to obey their boss if he isn't paying them their salary or if they are using their own cash to run the boss's company.

I am not even encouraging the wife to disrespect their husbands because they are financially independent, no. But I don't see why men will find it disrespectful if a woman who brings her hard earned money to pay rent or school fees or even food items wants to be part of the decision making process in her house. They want a docile sheep they can profit financially from and still control like a slave from at the same time.
Scammers.

The status quo about wives always submitting to authority of husband changed the moment you men decided that women should be financially independent and join their husbands in providing for their families.

The origin of the whole wives submission and husbands providing thing is from the Abrahamic religious books (Quran and Bible) which decreed that women submit to husbands while men go out and fend for the family. Islam makes it clear that wives are under no obligation to provide for the family and Christianity explicitly stated that men who cannot provide for their families are infidels.

Nowhere was it stated that it is the duty of the wife to join her husband is providing but you men want to guilt trip women into believing that they are failures if they don't join you in providing for the family. But you will never accept that you are also under obligation to cook or clean or take care of children just like the woman. The best you can get from men when it comes to house chores is a little assistance while the man will not fail to keep reminding his wife that he is just assisting her and house work is not for the husband.

Such irritating selfishness. Tufia

And lastly, that bullshit excuse of women becoming arrogant after they start earning more than their husbands or when the man is jobless is just complete crap because men do WORSE to women if the woman is completely dependent on them. Its in the nature of humans, males and females, to have more pride and ego when they are doing well in life or when they have a lot of money. Husbands who earn far more than their wives also exhibit tyrant and oppressive behaviours to their wives. Majority of them will always insult or degrade their wives and insult them because she depends on them. Some will even shamelessly keep girlfriends openly and flaunt it in front of their wives because they think she cannot go anywhere since she has no money. If she complains to outsiders, nobody chides the man or cautions him. They will tell the wife to get a job and start contributing to the family so that the man can respect her.
But when a man is dependent on the wife everyone wants the woman to increase her submission to him to hundredfold and not show any sign of arrogance and to patiently help him build himself up and pray for him.

Nonsense.

mrsthang:
@OP,I will go off point a bit, sorry.


It is important that women become very ruthless and non sentimental in their choice of partner.A man you choose to marry will contribute a lot to your mental stability in the long run.

It is better to lay out your expectations BEFORE marriage and see if values match up.

A good number of men are very clear as to their expectations ,some very unrealistic.This plays out in the dating phase and yet we find women thinking marriage would suddenly make the person change and become more considerate?

If you are dating someone and playing househelp while also footing bills,how would this translate after marrying?

A- very traditional will expect you to do all the housework ,will expect to make all decisions while you don't contribute any of your money to running the house.

B-will expect you to work,do all the chores,submit your money to him and he will then dispense as he pleases.

C-will do house chores without breaking a sweat while you are the bread winner.

D-will out earn you and be happy to let you run things,may not even care about your cash.

E- 50-50 finances with chores split evenly or almost evenly.

It goes on and on,we as females have a choice as to whom we decide to spend our lives with.

Find the one that keys in to your own vision,do not make the mistake of thinking that a wicked, selfish person will mellow and become an angel.

Humans vary so much in their wants and needs,there is always a suitable person no matter how long it takes.

Not every woman is built to be submissive and a number of men are happy for the women to make final decisions.

There are also men who lead their homes seamlessly.

Yet again there are homes where there is partnership and each partner makes decisions based on their proficiency.

It goes on and on,we just need to respect our differences.

What matters is that the home front and the individuals in it stay happy.Can we boldly say the ones that don't follow the usual man is the head pattern are unhappy? Every ones parameter for happiness varies,none is more valid than the other.

I would say discuss money, religion,raising kids, sex,chores ,headship,tailship, neck ship,abuse etc before saying I do.


Marriage is a windy road with two imperfect people,there are ups and downs,but it can be mostly beautiful if it is done with the right person.


Disclaimer: I am no expert,my own marriage is almost at the 10 year mark and the only thing I didn't give a thought to is now what is haunting me, lol.Outside that,things are very good

No, I am not submissive neither do I believe that I'm made to be monogamous yet there's a man who loves me to the moon and back,lol.


Bottom line,choose wisely.

CHoccolaTE:
So many Nigerian men have these disgusting double standard for marriage.
They are just really naturally selfish and self centered its so disgusting.
They want to cheat on their wives because they are supposedly "naturally polygamous" but will want a 100% faithful wife as if adultery was not forbidden for BOTH men and women. So which religious books are they following when they justify adultery with their naturally polygamous excuse?

They will be busy looking for financially independent wife that is providing for themselves and also contributing to house upkeep from her salary but they will also demand 100% submission from her. What kind of narcissistic and inconsiderate expectation is that please?

Excuse me but I don't even care if you think its because of arrogance or pride but a woman who is financially independent cannot be 100% submissive. What will she be gaining from the marriage then if she brings money to take care of your needs in the house but you still boss her around like an employee. Even men at their place of work can never be wiling to obey their boss if he isn't paying them their salary or if they are using their own cash to run the boss's company.

I am not even encouraging the wife to disrespect their husbands because they are financially independent, no. But I don't see why men will find it disrespectful if a woman who brings her hard earned money to pay rent or school fees or even food items wants to be part of the decision making process in her house. They want a docile sheep they can profit financially from and still control like a slave from at the same time.
Scammers.

The status quo about wives always submitting to authority of husband changed the moment you men decided that women should be financially independent and join their husbands in providing for their families.

The origin of the whole wives submission and husbands providing thing is from the Abrahamic religious books (Quran and Bible) which decreed that women submit to husbands while men go out and fend for the family. Islam makes it clear that wives are under no obligation to provide for the family and Christianity explicitly stated that men who cannot provide for their families are infidels.

Nowhere was it stated that it is the duty of the wife to join her husband is providing but you men want to guilt trip women into believing that they are failures if they don't join you in providing for the family. But you will never accept that you are also under obligation to cook or clean or take care of children just like the woman. The best you can get from men when it comes to house chores is a little assistance while the man will not fail to keep reminding his wife that he is just assisting her and house work is not for the husband.

Such irritating selfishness. Tufia

And lastly, that bullshit excuse of women becoming arrogant after they start earning more than their husbands or when the man is jobless is just complete crap because men do WORSE to women if the woman is completely dependent on them. Its in the nature of humans, males and females, to have more pride and ego when they are doing well in life or when they have a lot of money. Husbands who earn far more than their wives also exhibit tyrant and oppressive behaviours to their wives. Majority of them will always insult or degrade their wives and insult them because she depends on them. Some will even shamelessly keep girlfriends openly and flaunt it in front of their wives because they think she cannot go anywhere since she has no money. If she complains to outsiders, nobody chides the man or cautions him. They will tell the wife to get a job and start contributing to the family so that the man can respect her.
But when a man is dependent on the wife everyone wants the woman to increase her submission to him to hundredfold and not show any sign of arrogance and to patiently help him build himself up and pray for him.

Nonsense.

CHoccolaTE:
So many Nigerian men have these disgusting double standard for marriage.
They are just really naturally selfish and self centered its so disgusting.
They want to cheat on their wives because they are supposedly "naturally polygamous" but will want a 100% faithful wife as if adultery was not forbidden for BOTH men and women. So which religious books are they following when they justify adultery with their naturally polygamous excuse?

They will be busy looking for financially independent wife that is providing for themselves and also contributing to house upkeep from her salary but they will also demand 100% submission from her. What kind of narcissistic and inconsiderate expectation is that please?

Excuse me but I don't even care if you think its because of arrogance or pride but a woman who is financially independent cannot be 100% submissive. What will she be gaining from the marriage then if she brings money to take care of your needs in the house but you still boss her around like an employee. Even men at their place of work can never be wiling to obey their boss if he isn't paying them their salary or if they are using their own cash to run the boss's company.

I am not even encouraging the wife to disrespect their husbands because they are financially independent, no. But I don't see why men will find it disrespectful if a woman who brings her hard earned money to pay rent or school fees or even food items wants to be part of the decision making process in her house. They want a docile sheep they can profit financially from and still control like a slave from at the same time.
Scammers.

The status quo about wives always submitting to authority of husband changed the moment you men decided that women should be financially independent and join their husbands in providing for their families.

The origin of the whole wives submission and husbands providing thing is from the Abrahamic religious books (Quran and Bible) which decreed that women submit to husbands while men go out and fend for the family. Islam makes it clear that wives are under no obligation to provide for the family and Christianity explicitly stated that men who cannot provide for their families are infidels.

Nowhere was it stated that it is the duty of the wife to join her husband is providing but you men want to guilt trip women into believing that they are failures if they don't join you in providing for the family. But you will never accept that you are also under obligation to cook or clean or take care of children just like the woman. The best you can get from men when it comes to house chores is a little assistance while the man will not fail to keep reminding his wife that he is just assisting her and house work is not for the husband.

Such irritating selfishness. Tufia

And lastly, that bullshit excuse of women becoming arrogant after they start earning more than their husbands or when the man is jobless is just complete crap because men do WORSE to women if the woman is completely dependent on them. Its in the nature of humans, males and females, to have more pride and ego when they are doing well in life or when they have a lot of money. Husbands who earn far more than their wives also exhibit tyrant and oppressive behaviours to their wives. Majority of them will always insult or degrade their wives and insult them because she depends on them. Some will even shamelessly keep girlfriends openly and flaunt it in front of their wives because they think she cannot go anywhere since she has no money. If she complains to outsiders, nobody chides the man or cautions him. They will tell the wife to get a job and start contributing to the family so that the man can respect her.
But when a man is dependent on the wife everyone wants the woman to increase her submission to him to hundredfold and not show any sign of arrogance and to patiently help him build himself up and pray for him.

Nonsense.

CHoccolaTE:
So many Nigerian men have these disgusting double standard for marriage.
They are just really naturally selfish and self centered its so disgusting.
They want to cheat on their wives because they are supposedly "naturally polygamous" but will want a 100% faithful wife as if adultery was not forbidden for BOTH men and women. So which religious books are they following when they justify adultery with their naturally polygamous excuse?

They will be busy looking for financially independent wife that is providing for themselves and also contributing to house upkeep from her salary but they will also demand 100% submission from her. What kind of narcissistic and inconsiderate expectation is that please?

Excuse me but I don't even care if you think its because of arrogance or pride but a woman who is financially independent cannot be 100% submissive. What will she be gaining from the marriage then if she brings money to take care of your needs in the house but you still boss her around like an employee. Even men at their place of work can never be wiling to obey their boss if he isn't paying them their salary or if they are using their own cash to run the boss's company.

I am not even encouraging the wife to disrespect their husbands because they are financially independent, no. But I don't see why men will find it disrespectful if a woman who brings her hard earned money to pay rent or school fees or even food items wants to be part of the decision making process in her house. They want a docile sheep they can profit financially from and still control like a slave from at the same time.
Scammers.

The status quo about wives always submitting to authority of husband changed the moment you men decided that women should be financially independent and join their husbands in providing for their families.

The origin of the whole wives submission and husbands providing thing is from the Abrahamic religious books (Quran and Bible) which decreed that women submit to husbands while men go out and fend for the family. Islam makes it clear that wives are under no obligation to provide for the family and Christianity explicitly stated that men who cannot provide for their families are infidels.

Nowhere was it stated that it is the duty of the wife to join her husband is providing but you men want to guilt trip women into believing that they are failures if they don't join you in providing for the family. But you will never accept that you are also under obligation to cook or clean or take care of children just like the woman. The best you can get from men when it comes to house chores is a little assistance while the man will not fail to keep reminding his wife that he is just assisting her and house work is not for the husband.

Such irritating selfishness. Tufia

And lastly, that bullshit excuse of women becoming arrogant after they start earning more than their husbands or when the man is jobless is just complete crap because men do WORSE to women if the woman is completely dependent on them. Its in the nature of humans, males and females, to have more pride and ego when they are doing well in life or when they have a lot of money. Husbands who earn far more than their wives also exhibit tyrant and oppressive behaviours to their wives. Majority of them will always insult or degrade their wives and insult them because she depends on them. Some will even shamelessly keep girlfriends openly and flaunt it in front of their wives because they think she cannot go anywhere since she has no money. If she complains to outsiders, nobody chides the man or cautions him. They will tell the wife to get a job and start contributing to the family so that the man can respect her.
But when a man is dependent on the wife everyone wants the woman to increase her submission to him to hundredfold and not show any sign of arrogance and to patiently help him build himself up and pray for him.

Nonsense.

crunchyg:
With this nonsense mindset, I see you approaching evening news papers stage

merahki:
Kindly educate me on the females as newspaper analogy
Like the ranges, components, effects, whatnots
Thank you

Icekeeng:
It's a PUBLIC forum, emphasis on PUBLIC. if you can't stand the heat..... don't even think of creating a thread!

crackhaus:
Find your man, the one who is exactly what you desire as perfect for you... and have a happy life.

The day you realize that the only man who matters is the one you choose to be with, the better for you. Leave nairaland guys and most Nigerian men to be what they want, you can not succeed in making every male fit into your definition of what a man should be.

You know what you want in a man, seek him and pay no attention to the majority.

Cheers.

cococandy:
While I agree with most of this post, I don’t agree with 100% submission from the woman if the man is the 100% breadwinner.

There’s more to marriage than money and it doesn’t matter if he brings in millions of dollars every month and she brings in nothing. She’s still a human being who has a right to be heard in that marriage. Her opinion should ALWAYS be considered in the running of the home. ALWAYS.

And vice versa (for those who need it to be said).

emmaodet:
I know of families were the women earn very high and still respects their husbands.
Some are even holding big posts in their respective offices and you won't know.
Am not saying men are saints because alot too are uncultured and irresponsible but believe me, we are having high rate of irresponsible ladies nowadays with wrong foundations who should be far, far, far ,far away from marriage. It is a bitter truth that the average lady won't agree with me

CHoccolaTE:
Okay. Many women should be far, far far, far away from marriage abi?
Men nko? Those ones that are known to be less compassionate and more criminal minded that women, their own case is worse. An unmeasurable number of men also have no business getting married.
What about the unrepentant cheats and irresponsible men who abandon their children or the wife beaters or lazy efulefus that refuse to provide if they find out that their wives make a lot of money Or the ones that abuse their daughters or the ones that endanger their families with their criminal activities or the ones sneaking and sleeping with house helps if wife goes out, or drunkards or eegbo smokers or sociopaths frustrating their wives under the guise of being head of house?

Mtsheew

ImaIma1:
Surely there are still noble men out there...focus on those ones. Surround yourself with positivity instead.

It is getting tiring seeing threads complaining about men and women.

CHoccolaTE:
Anty abeg next time dont open the thread if you don't like them.

No be only its getting tiring.

ImaIma1:
Sista i can open ANY thread and comment on it.

No be only eat their cake and have it. Gender wars up and down.