₦airaland Forum

Evtspez:
Getting more reasons why I won't marry

If you knew your conscience will hunt you like you described why cheat on your hubby? You should have analyse the long term effect of your actions instead of the 10minutes of pleasure.

Anyways, forgive yourself and turn a new leaf. Love you husband unconditionally and advice him to visit the gym occasionally
Cheers.

In as much as I like your comment, guy you fall hand by saying this is a reason you won't marry

mrjojo:
You can't have it both ways, Prioritize sis, What is more important, Mind blowing sex or a loving husband who provide security and all. Be sincere with yourself. Note, this your new stud will eventually get tired of you, soon enough.


oh, one more thing, never EVER tell anyone about this, especially your husband, else kiss your marriage and peace of mind goodbye, Except u divorcing him for the "stallion"

So what happen to the issue of confession and obtaining forgiveness and peaceful soul. mind you even if she confess to God, it won't be forgiven without confessing to the one she hurts. Dare the consequence and confess but then u hv restore peace to ur heart. Many do not know that Adultery is a serious sin...

Marbella003:
I have a main account but I decided to create this one to post this in order to avoid embarrassment or reveal my identity.

I got married 4 years ago to my husband. He was in his 40s and I was in my 20s. The age difference between us has never really been a problem as we are both educated, well spoken, have similar personalities and share a lot of interests, and as a result we mesh well. My husband is a very caring and thoughtful man. This is one of the traits that made me fall helplessly for him, along with his intelligence and fun personality. I will not reveal anything pertaining to kids as this might punch a hole in my wall of anonymity.

I've always loved my husband and I still do. But I've never really been sexually attracted to him. This is not to say that I find him unattractive. No. He is okay as far as physical appearance goes, but his look has never been the kind to turn me on sexually. To put it plainly, I find that I'm only sexually attracted to young men around my age with tall, athletic bodies and with the energy and agility to please a woman satisfyingly in the bedroom. I met this kind of man in my work place and after we talked a few times I couldn't help but become attracted to him. I realized he was also attracted me, and fast forward to a week ago, we had sex in a hotel room.

I'm ashamed to admit that sex with him was glorious, but it truly was. It was better than anything I had ever done with my husband. I loved how he tossed me around the bed and did stuff to me that my husband doesn't do and I liked how ever part of his body felt firm and strong. After the act I felt a wave of shame wash over me. I recognized that I had committed an atrocity and I knew I had broken my marriage vows. The guilt of what I had done followed me around like a stench. I hated myself for betraying a man that had always loved and cared for me.

The problem I now face is that despite the guilt and the shame I constantly feel, I still yearn to experience another period of sexual bliss with my colleague. I can't help it. I'm torn. I already told my colleague that that one time was the last but deep down I don't want it to be. I know that if I tell my husband about what I did, that it would mark the end of my relationship with my colleague, but I don't know exactly how my husband would receive this information. I don't want him to look at me and see a betrayer of trust; a woman lacking integrity and virtue. No. I even thought of resigning from my job or requesting a transfer so as not to be in close proximity with my colleague but I know that wouldn't solve anything as I still have his social media info and occasionally stalk him(yes I do). I'm so conflicted. I don't know what to do.

What pains me most is how you're trying to justify your act. Nobody holy pass, but don't try to make it look like there's a just reason for the thing you did.

It's things like this that make me feel marriage won't be worth it, at the end.

Abeg, make I unfollow this thread before I vomit.

Evtspez:
Getting more reasons why I won't marry

If you knew your conscience will hunt you like you described why cheat on your hubby? You should have analyse the long term effect of your actions instead of the 10minutes of pleasure.

Anyways, forgive yourself and turn a new leaf. Love you husband unconditionally and advice him to visit the gym occasionally
Cheers.

You don't even get , it's not the guilt that bothers her but the fact that she will still do it again or that she wants to still do it again as she enjoyed it

The way people are going on about it because it's a woman who cheated. Would the advice be the same if the tables were turned!

Katier00:
Do not beat yourself life happens . so just forgive yourself that is first step to recovery, forgive yourself ,yes you did something wrong it is unacceptable anywhere ,anytime any place, but life happens the question is the way forward stop judging yourself and have a decent conversation with your husband .you can lighten up your bedroom, he's just in his forties , he's not 70 . I believe he still have an erection so you can work hard and get that Dream man that you've always wanted and fantasized about . then for your colleague just look into his eyes and tell him it's over, tell him you're a married woman you have children and you respect the institution of marriage tell him all that and he will leave you . so let's just say this is a mistake, it is when you repeat it again that it will become a habit so don't beat yourself about it and I must commend your honesty we are human and sometimes we feel that way, you will feel like sleeping with another person that is not a spouse its natural anyone that will condemn your action is just lying I'm being hypocritical. so please you are just being human but don't let your flesh rule you because you are going to lead yourself to your own destruction ,be strong everything will be ok. one more thing please if you know the kind of husband you're being married to and you know that it's going to change everything by telling him that you slept with another person please don't tell him .just remember, don't do it again ,don't let the flesh possession thank you

by the time that hot guy comes to band her big ass again she won't come back to tell us sha

may God forgive you as I would encourage you to go for serious mercy prayers using psalm 51 morning noon and night
For 31 days.
you will see you will have rest both from self blames, and the worst aspect being the lustful urges from your colleague and everyotherone.
But before that make a serious decision
For a total Change within yourself nomatter whatever, you stand on the strong side of never trying it again.

So that the prayers haven seen that you have repented within you will also hold you stronger spiritually
Because sex has a spiritual side also.

For now don't tell your husband
or else you will be battling two things so dangerous.
May God help you.

JasonScoolari:

I'm telling you.. Some Nairalanders are kinda animals.... Sooner than later she will poison the innocent man, just to go on with her useless colleague and other Guy's. Is it not better she start prostitution? I pray the man finds out...

Awe4luv:
Nigerians problem....everything is prayer....spirit of adultery right.....smh!

You off point oga

Biglittlelois:
I have this belief that there is a special kind of punishment and curse for adulterers, a curse that not only affects them, but also their family, and I know this belief is more like a caution to me when I eventually get married.

And also to those who are counselling them to never confess the evil but rather take it to the grave. they are joking with eternal punishment. Adultery is a heinous sin and can be forgiven by true contritition and confession. Except they are not Christians...

Indispensable85:
You were obviously a prostitute before getting married.
A leopard can never remove it's spots,never!
The only reason you did what you did was just for sexual adventure because of what and who you truly are... olosho!
You have a man who loves and cares for you but your only problem is that he doesn't Bleep you as hard as you want because you were an ashawo before getting married.Shame onto you!

grin I'm telling you.. Some Nairalanders are kinda animals.... Sooner than later she will poison the innocent man, just to go on with her useless colleague and other Guy's. Is it not better she start prostitution? I pray the man finds out...

zynzyn:
This is happening A LOT!!

Caring, loving man but wife is still unfaithful for purely sexual reasons! Women love pleasure probably more than men, FACT!!

Truth is, even the best, most caring husbands today must still find a way to do DNA test on their kids!!

they would deny that fact my guy and makes giving sex to a guy look as though they doing us any good......I really hate this bro....OP forget, I no dey wish u wellno

Saffi:
Ogbeni please just shut up ahbeg. Women like to fucck, women like to have sex, this is not the 1930s where women will just glue their legs together and suffer. She made a mistake that many people make including men , so what is all this emotional crap you’re typing here? Women cheat, such is life but advise her to do better instead of crying like a sissy.

I don't have your time.

Saffi:
Men cannot handle cheating partners mentally like women do and that is just the truth. If you tell him now, the thought of you opening your legs to another man will constantly play in his head when he looks at you, which will eventually ruin your marriage. As a woman, if you cheat on your husband, you must take it to the grave otherwise you have yourself to blame.

To the sex part, encourage your hubby to look appealing for you. Work out together, eat well, mould him into the man that you want him to be physically. Tell him what you want him to do in bed. There’s only so much you can do, but for the sake of your vows and your home, good sex is really not worth it. You have to mentally train yourself to avoid temptation, that is the only way to stay faithful. And realistically most couples go through this at one point, so don’t beat yourself up too much. Dust your shoulders and do better and do not risk your family and your marriage for prick again. It is a temporary satisfaction and You will regret it.

something that will not work, do u know the kind of personality the hubby possess?...he should just keep managing the preek like that just the way she does during courtship....na the money wey the guy get enter her eyes....

virgoquin:
Highest fifteen mins pleasure and the rest days you live to regret it.

That's so saddening to know that the highest Pleasure you've had only lasted 15 minutes. When some guys minimum duration is 30 minutes. I did not mention my name ooo

RTSC:
I hate them with perfect hatred.

Ashawo.

I guess her husband is too relaxed.

She must be a whọre who has more sexual experiences and high body counts compares to even the older man (her husband)
This is another reason why a virgin is better for a wife.

The truth is, she won't stop being a whọre until she destroys everything.

SaucyBenks:
useless woman... Cheap thing! I pray your husband finds out... Good men are often treated badly in relationships... I hate marriage! I really wish I have the words to explain how I feel for your useless self right now.... When you opened your legs like the way the red Sea was divided, your mind never ran to your husband n how he's busy working himself out to provide for the family while someone who doesn't even know how you n your husband both started is busy enjoying what your husband rightly owns, how he dipped his dick in your married pussy and dipped it out with all your creamy juices around it and in his mind, he calls you a Bleep mate but in your senseless mind, you've found what you been looking for and your husband can go to hell abi... Idiot! Shameless thing! Go on for another round n let's see how you'll conceal this for long... Madam scratchy cunt!

Take am easy bros. The matter is vexatious, really. But take am easy. I am sure she's already in a bad state, so don't make it worse for her. Of course she would collect the prick again and find justification. If the story is true, I think she's been knacked more than once already. Bad thing dey sweet. The fact is the thinking of cheating people is myopic. Before you start, make sure you plan how it ends. Like I explained to her before, the respect for her husband is gone, and the man would notice. He would also notice that she has suddenly become sexually adventurous in a slutty way. Except the husband is also cheating, the marriage is gone if he finds out what she's done.

monimekaz:
And if you are basing your argument on non-facts ..it is like advertising one's stupidity

Thats exactly what you displayed, stupidity

HitSong:
I guess her husband is too relaxed.

She must be a whọre who has more sexual experiences and high body counts compares to even the older man (her husband)
This is another reason why a virgin is better for a wife.

The truth is, she won't stop being a whọre until she destroys everything.

That is the thing.

She can't stop.
She would increase her sexual partners, disgrace her husband, and destroy her own family.

Tufiakwa.

emkz:
Take am easy bros. The matter is vexatious, really. But take am easy. I am sure she's already in a bad state, so don't make it worse for her. Of course she would collect the prick again and find justification. If the story is true, I think she's been knacked more than once already. Bad thing dey sweet. The fact is the thinking of cheating people is myopic. Before you start, make sure you plan how it ends. Like I explained to her before, the respect for her husband is gone, and the man would notice. He would also notice that she has suddenly become sexually adventurous in a slutty way. Except the husband is also cheating, the marriage is gone if he finds out what she's done.

honestly bro... Marriage is a scam, love is scam too... Let me hear any useless girl that'll open her mouth to say I love you to me again!

GLORIOUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Apparently, you married that hubby of yours because of money or because he spent lavishly on you. You never really loved or liked him.

How on Earth would a man or woman marry someone whom he/she is not sexually attracted to.

MY ADVICE
1. Confess your sin to God and repent. Confessing to your hubby will do a lifelong damage that will affect not only you, but also your kids, parents and family. Restitution that hurts other people and destroys their lives is unwise, and I can't find any basis for that in the scripture.

2. Resign or request for a transfer WITH IMMEDIATE EFFECT.

3. Avoid all forms of contact or talks with the sinful partner.

4. Save your marriage by working on your hubby's sexual attractiveness.

Harlot

Marbella003:
I have a main account but I decided to create this one to post this in order to avoid embarrassment or reveal my identity.



I'm ashamed to admit that sex with him was glorious, but it truly was. It was better than anything I had ever done with my husband. I loved how he tossed me around the bed and did stuff to me that my husband doesn't do and I liked how ever part of his body felt firm and strong.

The problem I now face is that despite the guilt and the shame I constantly feel, I still yearn to experience another period of sexual bliss with my colleague. I can't help it. I'm torn. I already told my colleague that that one time was the last but deep down I don't want it to be. I know that if I tell my husband about what I did, that it would mark the end of my relationship with my colleague, but I don't know exactly how my husband would receive this information. I don't want him to look at me and see a betrayer of trust; a woman lacking integrity and virtue. No. I even thought of resigning from my job or requesting a transfer so as not to be in close proximity with my colleague but I know that wouldn't solve anything as I still have his social media info and occasionally stalk him(yes I do). I'm so conflicted. I don't know what to do.

Take it from a guy that's interested in older women
Simply do what makes you happy.
Your husband does not have to know. Ensure the guy is reasonable enough to know how to behave around you and respect you no matter what.
Peace

Katier00:
Do not beat yourself life happens . so just forgive yourself that is first step to recovery, forgive yourself ,yes you did something wrong it is unacceptable anywhere ,anytime any place, but life happens the question is the way forward stop judging yourself and have a decent conversation with your husband .you can lighten up your bedroom, he's just in his forties , he's not 70 . I believe he still have an erection so you can work hard and get that Dream man that you've always wanted and fantasized about . then for your colleague just look into his eyes and tell him it's over, tell him you're a married woman you have children and you respect the institution of marriage tell him all that and he will leave you . so let's just say this is a mistake, it is when you repeat it again that it will become a habit so don't beat yourself about it and I must commend your honesty we are human and sometimes we feel that way, you will feel like sleeping with another person that is not a spouse its natural anyone that will condemn your action is just lying I'm being hypocritical. so please you are just being human but don't let your flesh rule you because you are going to lead yourself to your own destruction ,be strong everything will be ok. one more thing please if you know the kind of husband you're being married to and you know that it's going to change everything by telling him that you slept with another person please don't tell him .just remember, don't do it again ,don't let the flesh possession thank you

You respect her honesty yet you don't want her to tell her husband if the result of that action may be dire , isn't that hypocritical on your own part For one thing honesty goes beyond coming to a faceless forum to talk about your cheating ways

DeeMain:
I don't like what I hate! What do you hope to achieve by posting this here?

This woman, Marbella003, is at least honest and good intentioned though she fell to sexual temptation, so let's cut her some slack please. She's already feeling guilty and haunted by her action though weak in the face of the temptation she is facing which is why she came here for advice. Please let's not add to her pain.

The Pharisees and the crucify-her gang should park one side abeg. She asked for help and advice not mobbing.

Nobody holy pass.

He/she that is without sin should cast the first stone. Marbella003, go home and sin no more. That's what Jesus told a woman caught in the act.

Ask God for mercy and strength. Forgive yourself too and get close to God.

See a good sex therapist on your sexual issues with your husband. There must be a middle ground.

Best wishes.

Eschew That "nobody holy pass slogan" Many people are more holy than others right from the beginning of time till now. sins aint equal if you read your scripture well. Christ told Pilate that those who handed him over to him (Pilate) are guilty of greater sin. Jn. 19:11 And same John taught about categories of sin: sin leading to death and not. 1 Jn. 5:16-17. Adultery like fornication is one sin God frowns at in his commandment. But as a loving and merciful father he forgives. However, no matter what advise people give her, if it doesnt include confession to her husband she hurts God won't even forgive her. It is sad we live in an era that trivialises sin. For the umpteenth time, many people are holy than others.

you couldn't care less about love, the good man, your kid(s), even God.

you got presented with the choice to do this despicable act, or do the honorable thing...and you made a choice that is a reflection of who you are. SHAME ON YOU!

whether you tell him or not, you have ruined everything. you have created a yardstick mentally now to judge your husband by.

mind you, not only are you pathetic, even the guy who successfully bedded you, a married woman, def already knows that you are pathetic, hence his success.

anyways na your bed, your life, your choices. i'm just so irked by the kind of shit the women of this generation be doing. like say no be reasonable mama raise dem. spits!

zeb04:
now you know how women feel when the table turns.

By the way, madam forgive yourself and move on. Focus on your marriage and avoid your colleague , whichever way possible.

Your advice should go both ways so men too should forgive themselves and move on whenever they cheat

bukatyne:
This thread is one of the first I am seeing men give concrete advise as regards a cheating wife.

None of the dramatics, we are getting there.

@OP: You married your husband for money hence the 20yr gap while you desire a young guy sexually.

So far, your husband has been good to you, doing his own side of the bargain. Still you found a side bobo and after round 1, you want more (naturally).

These facts tell me that you are currently not capable to think long term or deep enough to match actions with consequences.

If you were,
1. You wouldn't have married papi when it is a young man that sets you on fire.

2. After sleeping with the young man, you would have cleaned mouth because you know that long term is destruction.

That side, except you have a mind shift, you will sleep with the young guy again and again and when he is done, you will pick someone else.

It is good that you did not lay the blame on him however on yourself so the solution is not him changing or gyming but your mindset has to change.

Unfortunately in sexual matters, the intended heart wants what it wants.

So you need to retrain that heart to desire your husband and learn styles that make up in charge so you tell him what to do.

You would be shocked that your husband also desires to flip you but is scared you might not like it.

You can also initiate role play where you are his girl and ask him to do whatever he likes.

Again, older men marry younger women for their youth. Have you brought youthfulness to his life or are you waiting passively for him to initiate?

Worst case, get good dildos and fvck yourself to stupor if that would satiate you.

Need I say you should go and sin no more?

However, if you want to destroy your marriage and future of your kids, you can ride on with the dude.

Another wisdom filled post. You hit it right there, on spot. Love isn't enough for a long lasting marriage. Most times, we need to know in details what your heart really needs, not just what we desire. She Prolly went for financial security and also being that she's Prolly naive too relationship wise, (I doubt if she's had enough experience being in a relationship), maybe she wanted a protection sort of, maybe that's why she went for a man way older than her, maybe she only loved her man because, they pursue the same goal careerwise, while ignoring other salient but important aspect of her marital life. But whatever the case maybe, she needs to reorientate what she wants in her man. She needs to build him up with his support to her sexual taste.

Martin0:
hmmmmm

say your mind my friend

See y am scared of getting married