Goodafternoon sir/ma,
I'll be brief with my story, and please pardon any grammatical blunders or error you might read in the course of this essay..
My name is Peace, I'm married with 2 kids, my marriage is 4 years plus, I'm married to a man from a poverty stricken background, he is the first born, with 5 other siblings, 1 month back, He lost his father I. E my father in law to a deadly disease, Shortly after the burial the families met, paid the father's wife off and sent her packing out of the house, cos she didn't have any kid for their father, (Yoruba custom and tradition, if u don't give birth for a man, ure not entitled to his possessions after his demise).
Prior to my father in laws death his younger sister who is a single mother and living in the house with her father before his death, said she can not stay alone in the house, because of reasons best known to her, she is an apprentice and only does weekend job which is not constant, she on her part is willing to settle down, but because no man is forth coming for her, she wants to settle down with her baby father which the family see as irresponsible and also they want her to finish her apprenticeship but it's been 2 year she's spending on the work but she seem not to get the hang of the trade, to cut the long story short,
My husband decided he will rent a room for her pending the time he renovates his fathers house so that she can move back there, but to my surprise, so many things happened during the holidays, his immediate younger sister and her 3 kids, came to spend 3 weeks with us in the house, he was practically feeding 9 of us and said he can no longer rent a room for his sister, the holidays are over now and the sister and her child has started living with us,
Something he vowed that no family member can stay with us..
Please note that I don't have anything against his sister and even the child but what I'm concerned about is the financial implication at the home front, The only thing my hubby does at the home from is feed the family 80%, I do 20% of the feeding, and every other thing that concerns my kids, clothing, the snacks and other things she takes to school is not his business, and sincerely tagged me selfish, self centered on anything.... I cant do that for my kid and do same for the younger sisters child, at least that is not coming from my heart, because I've found that regardless of whatever u do, they will still say u did nothing.. Its been 4 days she brought the child and she's been doing everything possible to ensure that my kid and hers(4 and 5 years respectively) keep doing everything together, take for example, she bought 2 pants for my kid, gave her biscuit thinking I will reciprocate same gestures, but I've said to myself that I can't start what I can't finish, I'm no longer myself in the house.... I don't know what to this and because of this reason, my husband and I are not on talking terms...... Please what advice have u for me.... As I have decided that regardless of whatever go on in the house, I'll just do what ever I've been doing for my kid and just act like nothing happened, but this is killing me cos I know she will relay the information to her sisters and there will be problem....

Hmmm

Nigerian wives and thier sense of entitlement sha.!!

So, if it was your own sister that is having issues and your husband refuse to accommodate her.., how will you feel?

Or if your husband is being hostile to your sister as you are to his.., how will you feel?

Cant you just tolerate and be kind to that lady.., just for the sake of kindness. Just only 3weeks and 4days and you already opening thread on Nl?

Have you thought of tommrow...? Do you know that your sister inlaw can be your benefactor tommrow.

You are not in talking terms with your husband...? Just because he took his own blood sibling in and also has been feeding her.

Madam Wife.., you are just a wicked person. Thats my opinion..!!

Be patient with her until she leaves try and reciprocate love back to her kids and you all family so do not be one sided and allow peace reign..

Swinger60:
Nigerian wives and thier sense of entitlement sha.!!

So, if it was your own sister that is having issues and your husband refuse to accommodate her.., how will you feel?

Or if your husband is being hostile to your sister as you are to his.., how will you feel?

Cant you just tolerate and be kind to that lady.., just for the sake of kindness. Just only 3weeks and 4days and you already opening thread on Nl?

Have you thought of tommrow...? Do you know that your sister inlaw can be your benefactor tommrow.

You are not on talking terms with your husband...? Just because he took his own blood sibling in and also has been feeding her.

Madam Wife.., you are just a wicked person. Thats my opinion..!!

Thanks for being sincere with me...... I'm also being sincere with you... I'm wicked, I can't take care of my kid and hers.... I don't start what I can't finish.....

If it was my blood sister ill house her and her kids.... But she is not my sister nor her kids..

They also didn't think twice before they sent their fathers wife packing just one day after the burial..... I've realized in life that what is your own is yours and not the other way round..... She is nice to me no doubt but when the chips are down... Blood matters most....

Thanks for your sincere comment once again...

Whatever you do today put in mind that tomorrow exist.

Ma'am it wouldn't cost you a dime to be kind.
You don't have to buy things simply to reciprocate.
If it's not coming from your heart, then its useless.

What I am saying is don't be hostile towards her or her kids. At one point, she'll surely leave your home. Please encourage the bonding between both of your kids.

I suggest you start talking to your husband. Giving him the silent treatment is not going to help your cause. Talk to him and know his plans and offer to help if necessary.

All of you coming to advice this lady, you are wasting your time...in her second comment, she just said she is wicked.

If she fit talk am, e mean say, your advice is like water in a basket. save it and keep going.

Godbress arroffyou

Laeroy:


Thanks for being sincere with me...... I'm also being sincere with you... I'm wicked, I can't take care of my kid and hers.... I don't start what I can't finish.....

If it was my blood sister ill house her and her kids.... But she is not my sister nor her kids..

They also didn't think twice before they sent their fathers wife packing just one day after the burial..... I've realized in life that what is your own is yours and not the other way round..... She is nice to me no doubt but when the chips are down... Blood matters most....

Thanks for your sincere comment once again...

SageMK:
Whatever you do today put in mind that tomorrow exist.

Ma'am it wouldn't cost you a dime to be kind.
You don't have to buy things simply to reciprocate.
If it's not coming from your heart, then its useless.

What I am saying is don't be hostile towards her or her kids. At one point, she'll surely leave your home. Please encourage the bonding between both of your kids.

I suggest you start talking to your husband. Giving him the silent treatment is not going to help your cause. Talk to him and know his plans and offer to help if necessary.

He just didn't say anything again at some point during the discussion, at first he said just the lady until the lady brought in her kid after going to spend holiday with her grandma, I don't have problems with the girl, because of course she does eye service dats actually fine with me cos two captains can't sail a ship, I have not enjoyed this marriage since its inception, it's always family problems here and there, the most cause of conflict in this home has always been finance, u can't expect me to start taking care of your family when since inception of this marriage u didn't reciprocate same gestures to mine......
I insist that I can't do what I do for my kid to her kid, if anything happens to my marriage, my kids are st ll technically theirs... Hers ain't mine.... I no dey reciprocate any gesture to them... I can only do what I can do for her and bog offfff.....

I can't start giving my kids stuffs and leave hers out of this.... Just this term I know my kid will suffer... Cos there are some things I want to do for her but I can't because of the other girl.......

And before people start tagging me selfish and self centered..... Yes oo I'm selfish. M at least this is coming from my heart.... I'm not a man pleaser...... What ever I do for her is a privilege and not a right.. MI have chosen not to do it

Laeroy:


He just didn't say anything again at some point during the discussion, at first he said just the lady until the lady brought in her kid after going to spend holiday with her grandma, I don't have problems with the girl, because of course she does eye service dats actually fine with me cos two captains can't sail a ship, I have not enjoyed this marriage since its inception, it's always family problems here and there, the most cause of conflict in this home has always been finance, u can't expect me to start taking care of your family when since inception of this marriage u didn't reciprocate same gestures to mine......
I insist that I can't do what I do for my kid to her kid, if anything happens to my marriage, my kids are st ll technically theirs... Hers ain't mine.... I no dey reciprocate any gesture to them... I can only do what I can do for her and bog offfff.....

I can't start giving my kids stuffs and leave hers out of this.... Just this term I know my kid will suffer... Cos there are some things I want to do for her but I can't because of the other girl.......

And before people start tagging me selfish and self centered..... Yes oo I'm selfish. M at least this is coming from my heart.... I'm not a man pleaser...... What ever I do for her is a privilege and not a right.. MI have chosen not to do it

I thought u needed advice that's why u came here to type this epistle. Since no one can change ur mind, why don't u just keep being d wicked person that u are. After all its ur life and dat of ur family.

Laeroy:


Thanks for being sincere with me...... I'm also being sincere with you... I'm wicked, I can't take care of my kid and hers.... I don't start what I can't finish.....

If it was my blood sister ill house her and her kids.... But she is not my sister nor her kids..

They also didn't think twice before they sent their fathers wife packing just one day after the burial..... I've realized in life that what is your own is yours and not the other way round..... She is nice to me no doubt but when the chips are down... Blood matters most....

Thanks for your sincere comment once again...

You are wicked indeed! Kindness doesn't cost a thing madam. You said if it's your own sister, you will house her... But you can't do same for your husband's sister Haba.
I read your post twice trying to see if there's anywhere the said woman offended you but I didn't see such. From what you wrote, it's clear she's nice to you but you are simply wicked like you said and not willing to be nice to her.

Please don't transfer your wickedness to your kids. Allow them to do things together with your sister in-law's kid. Teach them love and not segregation, you also should learn to love. See the lady as your sister. There's nothing in life that is permanent, she might get a better job tomorrow.
Please feel free and stop being bitter for nothing. Stop eating yourself to avoid high BP. No hard feelings though...let the love of God reign in your heart.

@op; smh as I read your comments: u well so? Just take a look at how you described your husband’s background and I quote “I'm married to a man from a poverty stricken background,” I ask again; u well so?

That aside, I can’t understand why you are gloating at being called wicked, self-centered and selfish? Nah this kin traits na em person go dey proud of? @Swinger60 rightfully asked you if this were your own blood sister would you behave in this manner to her? And this was your response; “If it was my blood sister ill house her and her kids.... But she is not my sister nor her kids..” It obviously shows that you are not being nice. CHANGE YOUR WAYS AS NO ONE KNOWS TOMORROW AND WHAT IT BRINGS ON ONES DOOR STEP. So be careful in this life and do your best to help a fellow human being in need. Stop this your grumbling and open your hands to assist from your heart as YOUR HUSBAND'S FAMILY MEMBERS ARE NOT GOING TO STAY WITH YOU FOREVER.

Nah this kin thing dey vex me when a wife can allow her family members into her home but when it comes to allowing their husband’s family members they begin to grumble like this op is doing. You better sort yourself out with your hubby and create peace in your home and do away with this nasty attitude you are displaying before you spread it to your kids and they subsequently inherit your terrible characteristic traits.

Laeroy:


He just didn't say anything again at some point during the discussion, at first he said just the lady until the lady brought in her kid after going to spend holiday with her grandma, I don't have problems with the girl, because of course she does eye service dats actually fine with me cos two captains can't sail a ship, I have not enjoyed this marriage since its inception, it's always family problems here and there, the most cause of conflict in this home has always been finance, u can't expect me to start taking care of your family when since inception of this marriage u didn't reciprocate same gestures to mine......
I insist that I can't do what I do for my kid to her kid, if anything happens to my marriage, my kids are st ll technically theirs... Hers ain't mine.... I no dey reciprocate any gesture to them... I can only do what I can do for her and bog offfff.....

I can't start giving my kids stuffs and leave hers out of this.... Just this term I know my kid will suffer... Cos there are some things I want to do for her but I can't because of the other girl.......

And before people start tagging me selfish and self centered..... Yes oo I'm selfish. M at least this is coming from my heart.... I'm not a man pleaser...... What ever I do for her is a privilege and not a right.. MI have chosen not to do it

You are doing eye service too. Your last paragraph proved that. You are scared of showing your true colour cos you feel she will tell her sisters. You are a bad woman.

Bunny19:
I thought u needed advice that's why u came here to type this epistle. Since no one can change ur mind, why don't u just keep being d wicked person that u are. After all its ur life and dat of ur family.

She thought she would meet her fellow wicked people here that will give her clues on her to send her sister in-law packing, incite her and praise her. I have her type in the family and we arranged her matter when we got fed up. This Op needs to be dealt with.

It takes great foresight not to start what you can't finish.
It seems your resources are limited and entirely budgeted for your child. Best focus them on your child then.
From time to time, you can try to extend such kindness to the other child, as much as you can.

Swinger60:
Nigerian wives and thier sense of entitlement sha.!!

So, if it was your own sister that is having issues and your husband refuse to accommodate her.., how will you feel?

Or if your husband is being hostile to your sister as you are to his.., how will you feel?

Cant you just tolerate and be kind to that lady.., just for the sake of kindness. Just only 3weeks and 4days and you already opening thread on Nl?

Have you thought of tommrow...? Do you know that your sister inlaw can be your benefactor tommrow.

You are not on talking terms with your husband...? Just because he took his own blood sibling in and also has been feeding her.

Madam Wife.., you are just a wicked person. Thats my opinion..!!

her husband is senseless

greatme2good:


You are doing eye service too. Your last paragraph proved that. You are scared of showing your true colour cos you feel she will tell her sisters. You are a bad woman.

Mumu... I can show my true colours.... But I'm human I don't like being insensitive to people... Especially because she's someone I like.... Didinrin

greatme2good:


You are wicked indeed! Kindness doesn't cost a thing madam. You said if it's your own sister, you will house her... But you can't do same for your husband's sister Haba.
I read your post twice trying to see if there's anywhere the said woman offended you but I didn't see such. From what you wrote, it's clear she's nice to you but you are simply wicked like you said and not willing to be nice to her.

Please don't transfer your wickedness to your kids. Allow them to do things together with your sister in-law's kid. Teach them love and not segregation, you also should learn to love. See the lady as your sister. There's nothing in life that is permanent, she might get a better job tomorrow.
Please feel free and stop being bitter for nothing. Stop eating yourself to avoid high BP. No hard feelings though...let the love of God reign in your heart.

Mad cow, I have said it repeatedly that I like her however she's not my sister and her kid is not my child, my child is my child and I know the number of kids I have, we are related by marriage not blood, I cannot be responsible for my kids and hers whatever I do for her kid isn't a right... And I choose not to do it... It's not by force and that's exactly how I feel about it....I still stand on the fact that I like her... She didn't offend me.... However I have my limitations

Bunny19:
I thought u needed advice that's why u came here to type this epistle. Since no one can change ur mind, why don't u just keep being d wicked person that u are. After all its ur life and dat of ur family.

Hahaha... And keep being the good pretentious person that you are

Laeroy:


Mumu... I can show my true colours.... But I'm human I don't like being insensitive to people... Especially because she's someone I like.... Didinrin

Bitter woman, see how you are contradicting yourself. You like her but hate her child how does it sound to you. Bitterness kills faster than cancer Ode.

First of all, your hubby broke the rule. He said relatives would visit and go, but now, here he is accommodating a relative. He has not even told you how long his sister is staying. Many relatives break marriages, no matter the good you do to them, if they don't love you, noway. Don't start what you can't finish, I agree with you. But from time to time, make sure you buy some stuff for the other child, since you are not really financially equipped. A lady that dates an irresponsible fellow, gets pregnant, cannot graduate from apprenticeship, etc, may even be a bad influence, but try and show kindness, it would not be wrong if you and hubby contribute money in future to help her get a place, so that peace can reign. You said if she were your sister you would get her a place, but she is your husband's sister, show some love, contribute with hubby and get her a place in future.

avast01:
It takes great foresight not to start what you can't finish.
It seems your resources are limited and entirely budgeted for your child. Best focus them on your child then.
From time to time, you can try to extend such kindness to the other child, as much as you can.

Thank u bro..... Exactly what I will... I was just thinking what if I give my child this and I give her child same with mine, a time will come I can't continue the same gestures, how will it feel... Do I start this and continue enduring given my limited income, will I keep doing everything I do for my kid to her kid too... My dear, I looked at it and told myself



PEACE DON'T DECEIVE YOURSELF U CAN'T DO IT 100%....SHE is not my child...

greatme2good:

Bitter woman, see how you are contradicting yourself. You like her but hate her child how does it sound to you. Bitterness kills faster than cancer Ode.

Sweet woman..... I don't hate her child..... But I can't be financially responsible to the both of them..... Their brother isn't doing same for me and my siblings....

Let them go bear their burdens... Didirin

Laeroy:


Mad cow, I have said it repeatedly that I like her however she's not my sister and her kid is not my child, my child is my child and I know the number of kids I have, we are related by marriage not blood, I cannot be responsible for my kids and hers whatever I do for her kid isn't a right... And I choose not to do it... It's not by force and that's exactly how I feel about it....I still stand on the fact that I like her... She didn't offend me.... However I have my limitations

Self centered bitch...your heart is so darkened with bitterness and wickedness that you refuse to let love reign in your heart. So opinionated yet you seek for advice! You are a simpleton.

Laeroy:


Thanks for being sincere with me...... I'm also being sincere with you... I'm wicked, I can't take care of my kid and hers.... I don't start what I can't finish.....

If it was my blood sister ill house her and her kids.... But she is not my sister nor her kids..

They also didn't think twice before they sent their fathers wife packing just one day after the burial..... I've realized in life that what is your own is yours and not the other way round..... She is nice to me no doubt but when the chips are down... Blood matters most....

Thanks for your sincere comment once again...

This is hilarious
Your honesty is a breath of fresh air, and NO you're not wicked, you're just human. Believe me, a good number of women including those attacking you will feel the exact same way if they found themselves in the same situation.
Starting the gesture is never the problem, but sustaining it over a long period can be burdensome especially when you're on a budget.

Pertaining the issue, just keep doing what you can do. What I mean is, the things you can do for both kids with a happy heart and without putting a strain on yourself and finances, keep doing it.
Anything that you cannot do with a cheerful heart, don't do it as that will only fester more bitterness in your heart.

Wisdom is profitable.

Laeroy:


Sweet woman..... I don't hate her child..... But I can't be financially responsible to the both of them..... Their brother isn't doing same for me and my siblings....

Let them go bear their burdens... Didirin

Segregation dwells in your heart. You don't do something cos you are expecting anything in return. It's simply not in your nature to be nice and nothing can change it, not even the love you have for your husband. I'm off your mention.

Op I guess you're tired of your marriage because if you weren't you wouldn't say all this. Your husband sister is also your sister and her kids are your nephew and neices by law. If you know you can't treat them equally then I would advise you put a hold on whatever special treat you've to offer your kids till they leave.

No man's an island, don't take out the anger you feel towards your husband's family to those innocent children am sure you wouldn't want such for your own children.

LilMissFavvy:
First of all, your hubby broke the rule. He said relatives would visit and go, but now, here he is accommodating a relative. He has not even told you how long his sister is staying. Many relatives break marriages, no matter the good you do to them, if they don't love you, noway. Don't start what you can't finish, I agree with you. But from time to time, make sure you buy some stuff for the other child, since you are not really financially equipped. A lady that dates an irresponsible fellow, gets pregnant, cannot graduate from apprenticeship, etc, may even be a bad influence, but try and show kindness, it would not be wrong if you and hubby contribute money in future to help her get a place, so that peace can reign. You said if she were your sister you would get her a place, but she is your husband's sister, show some love, contribute with hubby and get her a place in future.

Thanks for your advice sis.......

I learnt some great lessons from what they did to their fathers wife.... A day after the burial, they told her she couldn't continue living in the house, they sent her away and the woman to the best of my knowledge tried for their father, but at the end.. They said so many nasty things about her So u see, I can't in any way please them, cos if tomorrow the chip goes down, I know what will be my lot, I rather not
Start what I can't finish, cos to tell u the truth, the kid has been bad influence to my child since they started being together, she's stubborn doesn't take to correction and God forgive me unkempt, I don't like the relationship she has with my child.... Please don't crucify me (this is how I feel) but on a second thought, I try to force my self to like her, unlike her mother Dat I like effortlessly.... Please let me just stop here before the bitter woman crew unleash their venom on me....

greatme2good:

Self centered bitch...your heart is so darkened with bitterness and wickedness that you refuse to let love reign in your heart. So opinionated yet you seek for advice! You are a simpleton.

Scum bag, u say I don't love... But I do love Jesus, I love my siblings, and I love my kids......... Now SCrew yourself.... Bitch

Laeroy:


Thanks for your advice sis.......

I learnt some great lessons from what they did to their fathers wife.... A day after the burial, they told her she couldn't continue living in the house, they sent her away and the woman to the best of my knowledge tried for their father, but at the end.. They said so many nasty things about her So u see, I can't in any way please them, cos if tomorrow the chip goes down, I know what will be my lot, I rather not
Start what I can't finish, cos to tell u the truth, the kid has been bad influence to my child since they started being together, she's stubborn doesn't take to correction and God forgive me unkempt, I don't like the relationship she has with my child.... Please don't crucify me (this is how I feel) but on a second thought, I try to force my self to like her, unlike her mother Dat I like effortlessly.... Please let me just stop here before the bitter woman crew unleash their venom on me....

Be honest, is this the real reason you don't want to treat the girl as you do yours or it's the finances?

greatme2good:

Segregation dwells in your heart. You don't do something cos you are expecting anything in return. It's simply not in your nature to be nice and nothing can change it, not even the love you have for your husband. I'm off your mention.

Since you're this nice and kind.... U can simple send some money to me or his sister and the kid so that she can rent an apartment or better still some money for her feeding and upkeep.... HYPOCRTITE .... I KNOW YOU WOULD SAY, WHY SHOULD I? AFTER ALL YOU DON'T KNOW HER NOR RELATED TO HER, YOU REALLY DON'T HAVE TO KNOW THEM BEFORE U BE OF HELP.......

HYPOO................ CRITE

Op do you really want advice or you just want support and validation for your actions

crackhaus:

Be honest, is this the real reason you don't want to treat the girl as you do yours or it's the finances?

No hard feelings....but I don't like where she's coming from, the finances, and everything attached....
But I always have to exert self control and remind myself that she was a victim of circumstance, she didn't ask to be in the present state that she is...et al