₦airaland Forum

Jentle244:
I feel ur pain really

First of all what I would say is this: He body shames u at any given opportunity. I would say say u work on ur body, do some exercise, avoid fatty foods, watch your diet. and be discipled about it. I guess ur husband married u a slim lady? go back to that ur former shape.

If u ask me I don't like women who are fat unnecessarily. thruth be told.

So work on ur weight and body size.




Secondly, are u a spiritual woman?

A woman who kneels before God will stand before men.

I use to know an aunt whose husband cheats on her. Every time she complains to my mum until my mum told her what to do. She prayed a prayer that no man who cheats on his wife to pray


"O Lord my his penis never stand if he meets a strange woman" an it worked like fire cause God has said whatever God has joined together let no man put asunder, that girl is trying to put asunder(divide) in your marriage.


So what am trying to say is that u must be a prayer woman if u want a peaceful home.





Thirdly, Know how to cook, especially his favorite. it is said that the way to a man's heart is through the stomach which invariably means food, good food as at that. if u don't know learn from ur friends.

Fourthly, Be romantic, my sister know how to dob it in bed, like the above saying, another way to a Man's heart is through sex. This is the 21st century where the internet is at our finger tips. learn how to seduce him, learn how to u know moan, wriggle your body etc. Am not saying u should watch porn.



And Lastly, Be supportive: supportive in the sense that u are supportive emotionally, money wise and prayer wise.


In terms of money if u don't have something doing, men tend to get irritated especially when he has a girl outside. Learn a handwork such as decoration, pastry, confectioneries, catering etc



The ball is in your Court



I rest my case

Needtolove:
Hi nairalanders this post is going to be quite disorganized, as I am not such a good writer. Just need an avenue to let our some steam. No advise needed too. The only way forward for me is to quit my marriage.

The reason for this write up is to ease the pain of betrayal that comes from my husband cheating on me with a our neighbor,what really hurts is that after I investigated and found out her identity, I presented him with hard evidence ,instead of an apology he said he is an African man o and polygamy is allowed. He says I should better mind my business as the said girl is not disturbing me. He further stated that the girl is crazy o, so I should not even think of confronting her

Just this morning she had the nerve to come to my apartment with her room mate to clarify some house issues. The nerve of all of them. Really want to make them pay. Really want to make my husband suffer.
This guy body shames me at any chance he gets. (I have a four month old baby) he says am ugly and shapless, and my breast are flat

I want African men to know that women have feelings too, am expected to bottle up my pain and be a woman. When I react violently he calls me mad woman. He is still with her and I am still expected to mind my business.
I will though, but they will both get it.

ejibaba:
Stop this kind of childish blames...She didn't fail in any way... I know a man who married the wife a Virgin. A spiritually focused brother, but he opened up in tears last month that he is cheating on the wife for the last 2months. Life doesn't depend on how smart you are if it will play a script to teach you something it will...just pray the script is not more than what you can bear.

kennygee:
Dear woman, I can imagine the emotional and psychological pain you're going thru, however, making a decision right now might not be wise cause it will be an emotional one.

Just keep praying for him and ask God for strength to overcome. It is only when there's a crack in the wall that a lizard can enter.

Start working out the little way you can, start dressing really nice, so nice you'll get compliments outside. It will improve your self esteem, wear make up, smell nice. It might not stop him from cheating but it will build up your self esteem and confidence so much that you'll see you're not the problem.

You'll be in a better place to decide if you want to stay with him or leave.

All the best.

I hope you have a job or a business sha?

Cause the best security a woman can have is her own money.

truthsayer009:
How do you people even Marry Men like this? The Man you married is Useless, please forgive my french.

You cannot simply tell me you never noticed this Callousness during your courting days, there is a big difference between cheating & disrespect.
Even if he wants to cheat, why a close neighbor? There are other ways to do that.

A this point, you have no other choice than to move out.

tosyne09:
There are 7.8Billion people on planet. (earth).

The report shows

Women = 5.6Billion

If the union is unbearable, kindly quit. before you quit and start looking for new angel in town. know this: that you are solely responsible for your own happiness. so, take that responsibility by becoming a believer......I recommend Christianity and if you're one already, interact with your bible and allow God's peace in your life.

Check this summary of recent UN report and learn

Men = 2.2Billion

So, they advised women to be careful in showing attitudes to any man because out of the 2.2 Billion men:

One billion are married already.
130 million are in prison.
70 million are mentally ill.
That means that we have just about 1 billion men available for marriage and out of the 1billion:

50% are jobless
3% are gay
5% are Catholic Priests
10% are your relatives
35% are above 66years
So, ladies both the married and singles, you have to rethink before treating any man like trash.

For details visit UN demography report.

Jentle244:
I feel ur pain really

First of all what I would say is this: He body shames u at any given opportunity. I would say say u work on ur body, do some exercise, avoid fatty foods, watch your diet. and be discipled about it. I guess ur husband married u a slim lady? go back to that ur former shape.

If u ask me I don't like women who are fat unnecessarily. thruth be told.

So work on ur weight and body size.




Secondly, are u a spiritual woman?

A woman who kneels before God will stand before men.

I use to know an aunt whose husband cheats on her. Every time she complains to my mum until my mum told her what to do. She prayed a prayer that no man who cheats on his wife to pray


"O Lord my his penis never stand if he meets a strange woman" an it worked like fire cause God has said whatever God has joined together let no man put asunder, that girl is trying to put asunder(divide) in your marriage.


So what am trying to say is that u must be a prayer woman if u want a peaceful home.





Thirdly, Know how to cook, especially his favorite. it is said that the way to a man's heart is through the stomach which invariably means food, good food as at that. if u don't know learn from ur friends.

Fourthly, Be romantic, my sister know how to dob it in bed, like the above saying, another way to a Man's heart is through sex. This is the 21st century where the internet is at our finger tips. learn how to seduce him, learn how to u know moan, wriggle your body etc. Am not saying u should watch porn.



And Lastly, Be supportive: supportive in the sense that u are supportive emotionally, money wise and prayer wise.


In terms of money if u don't have something doing, men tend to get irritated especially when he has a girl outside. Learn a handwork such as decoration, pastry, confectioneries, catering etc



The ball is in your Court



I rest my case

ikennahillary:
Please don't get me wrong ,but the african content here is the additional wife which to me should not be a problem.

I believe having a 2nd or 3rd wife is his right , it now depends on how he presents the case.

Well just take the right discussion and don't physically hot nobody cos that will be a huge crime and for sure purnishable my the law depending on the nature of the offence.

Please just be patient and harm no one.

Peace out.

CHoccolaTE:
I have even heard of worse cases than OPs.
There was one married man that told his wife to call his side chic and apologise to her after the wife warned the side chic to leave her husband.

My former neighbour beat his wife till her nose broke and was bleeding all over her dress because the stupid man wanted to invite the girlfriend to the house and his wife locked the door and hid the key.


These are just few, I know many other horrifying cases of married men acting like beasts to their wives because in Africa nobody cautions them.
Funny thing is that the baby you bore is for his family and bears his name and will carry on his lineage. But he is body shaming you for losing your beauty after having the child.

Madam OP, if you are open to using diabolical means against him please do so. Or get people to severely beat him up and wound him seriously.
Or just ignore him and bear. If na me I will put little quantities of me and my babies piss and shit in his every meal I prepare for him along with using diabolical means against him.
I love revenge, I don't joke with it.

Ugosample:
this is a WRONG report

men and women are almost the same number globally..

there are disparities within regions
but on a global scale it's almost level

in China that is 1.34billiom
They have much more men than women
And that is JUST China alone


https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_sex_ratio

this should educate you

trapQ:
Oga, like I said what you don't know is bigger than you.

Even in Nigeria you cannot have more than one legal wife. That is the standard.
You can have 100 wives and everyone knows that person is your wife but you cannot have more than one legal wife.

Don't advise ladies what to do when you've not felt 1% of their pain. For every peaceful polygamous family you know , there are at least 20 violent ones and besides that's not what we're talking about here.

Come back to give this same advise when you have a wife who cheats with your neighbor and gives no fvck about it.

Ginalex:
Loud it so those "pray for him crew" will hear.
You pray for someone who deserves to be prayed for not this one.

Needtolove:
Hi nairalanders this post is going to be quite disorganized, as I am not such a good writer. Just need an avenue to let our some steam. No advise needed too. The only way forward for me is to quit my marriage.

The reason for this write up is to ease the pain of betrayal that comes from my husband cheating on me with a our neighbor,what really hurts is that after I investigated and found out her identity, I presented him with hard evidence ,instead of an apology he said he is an African man o and polygamy is allowed. He says I should better mind my business as the said girl is not disturbing me. He further stated that the girl is crazy o, so I should not even think of confronting her

Just this morning she had the nerve to come to my apartment with her room mate to clarify some house issues. The nerve of all of them. Really want to make them pay. Really want to make my husband suffer.
This guy body shames me at any chance he gets. (I have a four month old baby) he says am ugly and shapless, and my breast are flat

I want African men to know that women have feelings too, am expected to bottle up my pain and be a woman. When I react violently he calls me mad woman. He is still with her and I am still expected to mind my business.
I will though, but they will both get it.

kennygee:
Dear woman, I can imagine the emotinal and psychological pain you're going thru, however, making a decision right now might not be wise cause it will be an emotional one.

Just keep praying for him and ask God for strength to overcome. It is only when there's a crack in the wall that a lizard can enter.

Start working out the little way you can, start dressing really nice, so nice you'll get compliments outside. It will improve your self esteem, wear make up, smell nice. It might not stop him from cheating but it will build up your self esteem and confidence so much that you'll see you're not the problem.

You'll be in a better place to decide if you want to stay with him or leave.

All the best.

I hope you have a job or a business sha?

Cause the best security a woman can have is her own money.

specter:
Dear, i could advise you to leave na. Quit the marriage and go rent or go back to your parents place or possibly marry another man who might also end up a cheat.

Nothing happens when nothing happens. There can't be lizards in the home if there were no slips either in form of cracks in the wall or the door been left open.

It may not be your fault expressly, but it may be your fault impliedly or may not even be your fault at all.

He keeps complaining about your weight, I guess that didn't start today, but how have you approached his complains. If you didn't know what to do, did you ask him what he wanted from you in a peaceful matured way?

Did you sit him down you to make him understand how is body shaming attitude erodes yourself esteem?

Don't forget men fall for what they see and as do women for what they hear, hence the saying" marriage is continuous work".

It may be the man's fault entirely cos he is damaged by society and faulty foundations mostly caused by broken or unstable homes. I have seen the deja vu in my practice as a behaviorial psychologist. I am even recovering from it too.

I hated my dad for cheating and infact, I disowned him and left the house at 16, never looked back cos of that.

Basically denied him the right he exercised over me as a parent. Went rogue.

Approximately 20years later, I find myself doing exactly what I almost killed by poor dad for, with no reason or moral justification at all.

Though I have been able to manage the pains and emotional trauma I have occasioned, but I can't take it away completely.

I often sit down and wonder why? I married the most beautiful, honest, loyal, God fearing, better cook and what have you, lady that has ever walked the face of this planet.

So why cause her irreparable pain and psychological damage?

I don't know.

But the questions that occured was not why I do what I do, but having realized how my choices and life style affects those I can care about, what was I gonna do about it?

I have since taking responsibilities for my actions by desperately trying not to subconsciously become like my dad who unconsciously found himself acting the way he knows best cos that was how the father before him and his foster uncle acted. "The void".

Every once in a while, I slip when she is getting to trust me denovo and trust me I do hate myself for it as I find myself all alone without my best friend.

Your husband is trying desperately to free himself from his regrets that is eating him from within by trying to accept his stupidity and foolery as an acceptable way of life, hence the reference to African men. Which he knows deep down is a LIE. A stupid coverup.

Even when an African man marries more than one wife, he never disrespects the first. It's a fact.

He tries desperately to make other women respect the first, so that he can atleast have a peaceful home.

Your husband is in the ring with his worst monster, which is overpowering him and he is gradually submitting.

Every man including pastors and other religions men or men who supposedly ought to possess high moral standard have one big monster he just can't shake off except with the Grace of God. It's the curse of man I suppose.

He is hurting you as a way of escaping his own realities confronting him.

He hates the fact that his biggest monster is overpowering him hence you are the innocent green grass that suffers even though he has shown to protect the grass at all cost.

Perhaps he married you in the first place to fill that void, which is now wider than ever.

Hence he is everywhere and no where in particular. Most male child from polygamous, broken homes or those who never won the approval of their father and can't seem to over come this void, suffer from this.

Thus, his solice in nagging the living day light out of you and his resort to the believe that since you have failed to fill that void, another woman might be able to so do.

Another fallacy of misplaced theory as no woman can help a man who is not ready to help himself. But a woman can help a man discover who he is or what he ought to become.

Sorry to say, your husband is an evasive social metaphysist. You could read some books on that. I belt you don't even know his temperament and zodiac signs, hence you are approaching him and his monsters the wrong way.

Find out how he is and how he thinks. That should by all means be your starting point.

It's not your fault, it's his insecurities and low self esteem eating him out from within. You are the closest and the weakest person he can possibly put his frustrations on.

Deep down within him, he knows, the new mad woman he is using as facade, won't last more than a year or two.

He either moves to another or finds a way out of his mess with some scars for being in the cheating ring too long. We ve' all been there. The fowl always comes home to roast if it's not too late in time.

Mind you, this can also be caused by the kind of friends he keeps or what he reads. He is simply undisciplined and directionless, so he hops into any available ride going no where.

There is a thread on this forum that was my greatest undoing until I found a way round it's influence as a young married man.

Now that you know the most possible root cause of the problem, what are you going to do about it?

If you don't have the energy to fight for your marriage and whoop his ass into the man you desire with the application of your superior emotional intelligence into a responsible married man, you should walk away, quit the marriage which is way easier to do at this time.

Well, until realities sets in when you are out in the cold after ten years out of marriage. Perhaps maybe you find a man who wouldn't use adultery to mask his inadequacies as a fast failing man.

But most men have what they use in escaping their demons. Some take religion as their own narcotics, you know only getting high on religiousities and doctrinations without a shred of Christ like attitude rather than alcohol, weed, sex, gambling or what have you!

But if you wanna fight, then you should set a war room in your house were you cry out to his Maker. The heart of a king is in the hands of his maker.

Don't confront him, confront the God who gave him to you as your husband with His words.

Read books and also listen to audio tapes. You ve' got millions for free audios on self esteem and marriages on YouTubes. Nothing is new under the sun. T.D.Jakes is a favourite. At least he is been married for 37 years.

Find out how others before you did it.

Report him to his God. This is exactly what my wife did and still does cos she before now married her worse nightmares she wouldn't wish her worst enemy.

She bleeping reported me to God rather than confront me directly cos I was bleeping tired of the marriage and just needed a way out.

It was not what I expected. Just a different ball game and I wanted a fast escape by any means possible. .

Nor blame me, I only have one life to live and didn't believe much in love at that time as I saw it as a scam that empowered women in marriage. I know better now though. :-

Has her prayers be working? Like magic cos I, as a spiritual man on my own accord, soon found myself with an invisible big bother who makes my life miserable each time I fall outta line.

He whoops my ass back in line and she just sits back and enjoys my silent torments while sipping kunu or zobo.

My invisible friend made me realized exactly what was going on with me and why I did the stupid things I did.

Am I perfect? No , but I have since become a better man who has began reading books on how to keep a better and happier home.

Mind you, I did far worse than your man has done all together but she fought against me, and for me side by side on her kneels and with her tears.

Today, I got an invisible big bro that fights with me to ensure I don't go back to Egypt no matter what.

We are not there yet, but things are not what they were years back. Guess you learn from my story.

lilyheaven:
I took time to read your post.
She has to stay back and fight for her marriage.
Spiritually not physically.
First she has to forgive her husband, if not, she won't be able to pray.
If she will be able to read your post, I believe she will have a rethink towards her marriage.

This days I don't complain, I just wake up 1am to tell God about it. It has been working for me

Mznaett:
You don't advise a woman who's going through so much pains in her marriage to pray .

If you do, you are not different from the "man" who put her in such a messy situation.

@op

If I were you, the moment I find out my partner is cheating on me, I'm out.

There's no point questioning his action.

Mariangeles:
Like seriously , I think that Kennygee is a male under the guise of a female

Juliearth:
Divorce isn't always the way out. A child is involved, have you thought of the effect divorce would have on this child. I know you are entitled to air your opinion,but let's be guided on the kind of counsel thst we give because this woman is broken. Inasmuch as domestic violence is not involved, she needn't leave. As for the mental abuse, a revamped self esteem would help counter the after effect. She needs to build a world of confidence around her and get something doing to keep herself busy. The man is a prodigal son and when life deals him some blows, he definitely would trace his way back home( they always do).

imitateMe:
Why are you so aggressive? You ought to encourage her to pray and love her husband more, cook good food for him and submit totally to him. Please reconsider. Thank you dear.

Jentle244:
Same thing I would still tell my sister, would still support her in prayer.

Divorce is never a way out. I believe she did see the warning signs but went ahead.



You see in all this it is the child that will suffer it. You can't compared a child that is single parented to one whose dad and mom is there. Trust me there is a huge difference