How will you feel, if you buy a brand new 2019 Benz car. Atleast you thot you did and then after you just 1 or 3 years it's looking like a 1993 Mercedes Benz 190.That is what many Nigerian women do to their husbands. Later they will start complaining that he will that he is eyeing other women. They no how looks are important. Even when they grow older. Why don't you also maintain your weight and shape. Hit the gym. Drese good. That is wht I admire abt many American women. If he now is still looking out then you would know he is the problem. But from what you've posted here it seems you're the problem and he must have been sick and tired of complaining. If you leave, that slay mama will just take your place and no guarantee for something better esp since you have a kid and you know how Nigerian families are abt women that already have kids. That is the Reality. However make sure you protect yourself both financially and healthwise.

sisisioge:
4ks!

He did that! 4kssss! Blowdyfellow!

What do you want to do without getting in trouble? Chai! Can you arrange to travel out of the country while liquidating all his assets while at it? As in, you will sell his properties at ridiculous rates, spoil all the unsellable, send a picture of him and the girl to his work place, then call his family to tell them on your way out. Remember not to tell him where u are going o.


Pele...pull yourself together though. Do not let them see your anger.

And what will be your gain for such destructive advice?


Two wrongs does not make a right, sometimes, troubles in marriage reminds us of why we have extended families... Dialogue between families will go a long way in reaching a soothing and beneficial conclusion that will favour both parties.

Family setting is not a child's play, if one has abandoned the elders in the beginning, then, it is time to reap what has been sowed.

CHoccolaTE:
I have even heard of worse cases than OPs.
There was one married man that told his wife to call his side chic and apologise to her after the wife warned the side chic to leave her husband.

My former neighbour beat his wife till her nose broke and was bleeding all over her dress because the stupid man wanted to invite the girlfriend to the house and his wife locked the door and hid the key.


These are just few, I know many other horrifying cases of married men acting like beasts to their wives because in Africa nobody cautions them.
Funny thing is that the baby you bore is for his family and bears his name and will carry on his lineage. But he is body shaming you for losing your beauty after having the child.

Madam OP, if you are open to using diabolical means against him please do so. Or get people to severely beat him up and wound him seriously.
Or just ignore him and bear. If na me I will put little quantities of me and my babies piss and shit in his every meal I prepare for him along with using diabolical means against him.
I love revenge, I don't joke with it.

That your neighbor must be Dangote wey him go treat woman like that. Na this kind men dey make women use rat poison for their food. Idiots

Needtolove:
Hi nairalanders this post is going to be quite disorganized, as I am not such a good writer. Just need an avenue to let our some steam. No advise needed too. The only way forward for me is to quit my marriage.

The reason for this write up is to ease the pain of betrayal that comes from my husband cheating on me with a our neighbor,what really hurts is that after I investigated and found out her identity, I presented him with hard evidence ,instead of an apology he said he is an African man o and polygamy is allowed. He says I should better mind my business as the said girl is not disturbing me. He further stated that the girl is crazy o, so I should not even think of confronting her

Just this morning she had the nerve to come to my apartment with her room mate to clarify some house issues. The nerve of all of them. Really want to make them pay. Really want to make my husband suffer.
This guy body shames me at any chance he gets. (I have a four month old baby) he says am ugly and shapless, and my breast are flat

I want African men to know that women have feelings too, am expected to bottle up my pain and be a woman. When I react violently he calls me mad woman. He is still with her and I am still expected to mind my business.
I will though, but they will both get it.

merahki:



I know you are typing from a good place
But, is this what you would tell your daughter or sister or cousin should they, “God forbid”, find themselves in a situation like this?
Answer this honestly
Then come and modify this post accordingly
Cheers

Dear, i could advise you to leave na. Quit the marriage and go rent or go back to your parents place or possibly marry another man who might also end up a cheat.

Nothing happens when nothing happens. There can't be lizards in the home if there were no slips either in form of cracks in the wall or the door been left open.

It may not be your fault expressly, but it may be your fault impliedly or may not even be your fault at all.

He keeps complaining about your weight, I guess that didn't start today, but how have you approached his complains. If you didn't know what to do, did you ask him what he wanted from you in a peaceful matured way?

Did you sit him down you to make him understand how is body shaming attitude erodes yourself esteem?

Don't forget men fall for what they see and as do women for what they hear, hence the saying" marriage is continuous work".

It may be the man's fault entirely cos he is damaged by society and faulty foundations mostly caused by broken or unstable homes. I have seen the deja vu in my practice as a behaviorial psychologist. I am even recovering from it too.

I hated my dad for cheating and infact, I disowned him and left the house at 16, never looked back cos of that.

Basically denied him the right he exercised over me as a parent. Went rogue.

Approximately 20years later, I find myself doing exactly what I almost killed by poor dad for, with no reason or moral justification at all.

Though I have been able to manage the pains and emotional trauma I have occasioned, but I can't take it away completely.

I often sit down and wonder why? I married the most beautiful, honest, loyal, God fearing, better cook and what have you, lady that has ever walked the face of this planet.

So why cause her irreparable pain and psychological damage?

I don't know.

But the questions that occured was not why I do what I do, but having realized how my choices and life style affects those I can care about, what was I gonna do about it?

I have since taking responsibilities for my actions by desperately trying not to subconsciously become like my dad who unconsciously found himself acting the way he knows best cos that was how the father before him and his foster uncle acted. "The void".

Every once in a while, I slip when she is getting to trust me denovo and trust me I do hate myself for it as I find myself all alone without my best friend.

Your husband is trying desperately to free himself from his regrets that is eating him from within by trying to accept his stupidity and foolery as an acceptable way of life, hence the reference to African men. Which he knows deep down is a LIE. A stupid coverup.

Even when an African man marries more than one wife, he never disrespects the first. It's a fact.

He tries desperately to make other women respect the first, so that he can atleast have a peaceful home.

Your husband is in the ring with his worst monster, which is overpowering him and he is gradually submitting.

Every man including pastors and other religions men or men who supposedly ought to possess high moral standard have one big monster he just can't shake off except with the Grace of God. It's the curse of man I suppose.

He is hurting you as a way of escaping his own realities confronting him.

He hates the fact that his biggest monster is overpowering him hence you are the innocent green grass that suffers even though he has shown to protect the grass at all cost.

Perhaps he married you in the first place to fill that void, which is now wider than ever.

Hence he is everywhere and no where in particular. Most male child from polygamous, broken homes or those who never won the approval of their father and can't seem to over come this void, suffer from this.

Thus, his solice in nagging the living day light out of you and his resort to the believe that since you have failed to fill that void, another woman might be able to so do.

Another fallacy of misplaced theory as no woman can help a man who is not ready to help himself. But a woman can help a man discover who he is or what he ought to become.

Sorry to say, your husband is an evasive social metaphysist. You could read some books on that. I belt you don't even know his temperament and zodiac signs, hence you are approaching him and his monsters the wrong way.

Find out how he is and how he thinks. That should by all means be your starting point.

It's not your fault, it's his insecurities and low self esteem eating him out from within. You are the closest and the weakest person he can possibly put his frustrations on.

Deep down within him, he knows, the new mad woman he is using as facade, won't last more than a year or two.

He either moves to another or finds a way out of his mess with some scars for being in the cheating ring too long. We ve' all been there. The fowl always comes home to roast if it's not too late in time.

Mind you, this can also be caused by the kind of friends he keeps or what he reads. He is simply undisciplined and directionless, so he hops into any available ride going no where.

There is a thread on this forum that was my greatest undoing until I found a way round it's influence as a young married man.

Now that you know the most possible root cause of the problem, what are you going to do about it?

If you don't have the energy to fight for your marriage and whoop his ass into the man you desire with the application of your superior emotional intelligence into a responsible married man, you should walk away, quit the marriage which is way easier to do at this time.

Well, until realities sets in when you are out in the cold after ten years out of marriage. Perhaps maybe you find a man who wouldn't use adultery to mask his inadequacies as a fast failing man.

But most men have what they use in escaping their demons. Some take religion as their own narcotics, you know only getting high on religiousities and doctrinations without a shred of Christ like attitude rather than alcohol, weed, sex, gambling or what have you!

But if you wanna fight, then you should set a war room in your house were you cry out to his Maker. The heart of a king is in the hands of his maker.

Don't confront him, confront the God who gave him to you as your husband with His words.

Read books and also listen to audio tapes. You ve' got millions for free audios on self esteem and marriages on YouTubes. Nothing is new under the sun. T.D.Jakes is a favourite. At least he is been married for 37 years.

Find out how others before you did it.

Report him to his God. This is exactly what my wife did and still does cos she before now married her worse nightmares she wouldn't wish her worst enemy.

She bleeping reported me to God rather than confront me directly cos I was bleeping tired of the marriage and just needed a way out.

It was not what I expected. Just a different ball game and I wanted a fast escape by any means possible. .

Nor blame me, I only have one life to live and didn't believe much in love at that time as I saw it as a scam that empowered women in marriage. I know better now though. :-

Has her prayers be working? Like magic cos I, as a spiritual man on my own accord, soon found myself with an invisible big bother who makes my life miserable each time I fall outta line.

He whoops my ass back in line and she just sits back and enjoys my silent torments while sipping kunu or zobo.

My invisible friend made me realized exactly what was going on with me and why I did the stupid things I did.

Am I perfect? No , but I have since become a better man who has began reading books on how to keep a better and happier home.

Mind you, I did far worse than your man has done all together but she fought against me, and for me side by side on her kneels and with her tears.

Today, I got an invisible big bro that fights with me to ensure I don't go back to Egypt no matter what.

We are not there yet, but things are not what they were years back. Guess you learn from my story.

Frankiss44:


That's what majority of them don't understand.. I have seen men cheat with women that their wives are far more beautiful than... Cheating of a thing is just the quest for something different, it has nothing to do with shape or beauty most of the times

A friend once told me he can't be glued to CNN for the rest of his life when he is on premium subscription.. You understand what that means right?

It just takes discipline and being content. Some men cannot fathom being with just one woman for the rest of their lives

Ojady:
My dear needtolove,

I have read and cannot deny the pain in your post, and for what its worth, allow me to say I perceive, may not actually feel it, your pain. The pain to love and see your love unreturned and expressed to another, not only known to you but also flaunted condescendingly before your very eye. I equally acknowledge the powerlessness of having a baby to cope with in the face of such humiliation. First, I apologize to you and pray that this time too, like any other trials you have overcame in the past, will pass ; and that you will look back and appreciate the wisdom bestowed upon you from Heaven to prevail.

I will not say fight him/them, I will not say move out, simply because, the grass is not always green on the other side and also because, changes now are not only about and for you but also the baby. i would rather you focus on the task at hand - SURVIVAL! There is a time for everything under the sun, and now, is the time to survive, STRATEGICALLY! Your husband, like most men will argue, may be erroneously ( and perhaps due to a lack of communication how to) expressing the fact that he cannot ask you/ demand for sex (anyhow) at the frequency it was, before the baby. It may also be that the said lady is: more adventurous, is highly promiscuous and ready to do ANYTHING both reckless or 'slayworthy' to satisfy a need that a gazillion dicks cannot meet. It may also be that fate/the gods/God is testing you through the fire to reveal your true worth as a worthy partner. "

It might also be that she dated married men when she was single. Why is it hard for you women to think it from this angle?

I wonder why all of you are acting like OP might be a total saint. Just because the hubby is not here to give his own side of the story.

Millions of Nigerian girls are out there dating married men and causing problem in other women's marriages...so its expected when they get married and single girls date their hubbies too.

I have learnt to not pity women who gets cheated on due to personal experiences.

Ranchhoddas:
The number of anti-prayer posts on this thread

So many God-haters

Sheeesh

Children of perdition everywhere.

OP I have nothing to say. Nothing is black or white.

If it's by prayers, you'd be the happiest man alive. USE YOUR HEAD...

ImaIma1:


It just takes discipline and being content. Some men cannot fathom being with just one woman for the rest of their lives

Same thing to goes to women

Needtolove:
Thank you all for your kind words, I am putting myself together piece by piece and saving up gradually. Still at the house because of my baby. I will wait it out, but am planning my exit. I won't do anything that will land me in trouble because of my baby. Learning to be selfish too.

Sending love and light your way❤️

kennygee:
Dear woman, I can imagine the emotional and psychological pain you're going thru, however, making a decision right now might not be wise cause it will be an emotional one.

Just keep praying for him and ask God for strength to overcome. It is only when there's a crack in the wall that a lizard can enter.

Start working out the little way you can, start dressing really nice, so nice you'll get compliments outside. It will improve your self esteem, wear make up, smell nice. It might not stop him from cheating but it will build up your self esteem and confidence so much that you'll see you're not the problem.

You'll be in a better place to decide if you want to stay with him or leave.

All the best.

I hope you have a job or a business sha?

Cause the best security a woman can have is her own money.

so she starts praying for him while the man goes around fucking?how will the prayer even get to him?so she should neglect the baby she's supposed to be taking care and start straining herself because of a he goat of a husband.if it was the woman that is cheating would you give this same advice to him ?

ojkalito:
Most of our women have been programmed to think marriage is the highest achievement for them hence they ignore the red flags during courtship and even when married all in the name of saving their marriage, little wonder they end up in situations like this and if not managed properly could lead to Iraq and Iran war. Can you imagine the advice the girl I quoted gave

I have been reading shocking comments

ibkayee:

All threads asking for advice will be one sided stories though, we can’t confirm everyone’s side for everything na. Best we can do is deliberate on how plausible the post is and go from there and in this case, her story is not far fetched at all. If the husband now comes on to give his own story then ehen we can compare

but you already condemned the man

CHoccolaTE:
I have even heard of worse cases than OPs.
There was one married man that told his wife to call his side chic and apologise to her after the wife warned the side chic to leave her husband.

My former neighbour beat his wife till her nose broke and was bleeding all over her dress because the stupid man wanted to invite the girlfriend to the house and his wife locked the door and hid the key.


These are just few, I know many other horrifying cases of married men acting like beasts to their wives because in Africa nobody cautions them.
Funny thing is that the baby you bore is for his family and bears his name and will carry on his lineage. But he is body shaming you for losing your beauty after having the child.

Madam OP, if you are open to using diabolical means against him please do so. Or get people to severely beat him up and wound him seriously.
Or just ignore him and bear. If na me I will put little quantities of me and my babies piss and shit in his every meal I prepare for him along with using diabolical means against him.
I love revenge, I don't joke with it.

Lol
My kind of woman

I refrain from certain comments. While what he did is disrespectful and wrong, why do all of you (females) cry foul when you are in the hot seat. I've seen so many men bear toxic marriages to save face, or save thier children. Men are also victims of abuse. The other day I heard a woman complaining that her husband had developed a slight pot belly from his former six pack when they were dating. I had to point out that his schedule had changed and so had his focus. He now thinks about every one but himself and his body and Mind suffers for it. Women worry about being out of shape after pregnancy. Men take it and smile. Infidelity I today's marriages run rampant. When women are at the recieving end its all hurt and other b.s when men are, the women are feminists, independent etc... You all need to get your mind right

Emaprince:
Same thing to goes to women

exactly

row2ray:
I refrain from certain comments. While what he did is disrespectful and wrong, why do all of you (females) cry foul when you are in the hot seat. I've seen so many men bear toxic marriages to save face, or save thier children. Men are also victims of abuse. The other day I heard a woman complaining that her husband had developed a slight pot belly from his former six pack when they were dating. I had to point out that his schedule had changed and so had his focus. He now thinks about every one but himself and his body and Mind suffers for it. Women worry about being out of shape after pregnancy. Men take it and smile. Infidelity I today's marriages run rampant. When women are at the recieving end its all hurt and other b.s when men are, the women are feminists, independent etc... You all need to get your mind right

this is another TRUTH

men equally suffer in their marriages o

but you know men deal with things differently

Emaprince:
It might also be that she dated married men when she was single. Why is it hard for you women to think it from this angle?

I wonder why all of you are acting like OP might be a total saint. Just because the hubby is not here to give his own side of the story.

Millions of Nigerian girls are out there dating married men and causing problem in other women's marriages...so its expected when they get married and single girls date their hubbies too.

I have learnt to not pity women who gets cheated on due to personal experiences.

your third paragraph could be true tho

but then...
not all women

Emaprince:
Same thing to goes to women

When a thread comes up that refers to women, we will go that route. However, this thread is about a cheating husband. It is not a competition or battle of the sexes

ejibaba:

Funny enough, there are men praying for their wife and their marriage.

indeed
those are sensible men.

sod09:
but you already condemned the man

Because he sounds like a dickhead from what the OP has written. I can’t be hunting for the husband for his explanation, I go by what is posted on the forum

Needtolove:
Hi nairalanders this post is going to be quite disorganized, as I am not such a good writer. Just need an avenue to let our some steam. No advise needed too. The only way forward for me is to quit my marriage.

The reason for this write up is to ease the pain of betrayal that comes from my husband cheating on me with a our neighbor,what really hurts is that after I investigated and found out her identity, I presented him with hard evidence ,instead of an apology he said he is an African man o and polygamy is allowed. He says I should better mind my business as the said girl is not disturbing me. He further stated that the girl is crazy o, so I should not even think of confronting her

Just this morning she had the nerve to come to my apartment with her room mate to clarify some house issues. The nerve of all of them. Really want to make them pay. Really want to make my husband suffer.
This guy body shames me at any chance he gets. (I have a four month old baby) he says am ugly and shapless, and my breast are flat

I want African men to know that women have feelings too, am expected to bottle up my pain and be a woman. When I react violently he calls me mad woman. He is still with her and I am still expected to mind my business.
I will though, but they will both get it.

every man cheats I just bought my side chick a corolla yestaday na d life when we meet jor

ibkayee:

Because he sounds like a dickhead from what the OP has written. I can’t be hunting for the husband for his explanation, I go by what is posted on the forum

lmao I don't know why this is funny

sod09:
lmao I don't know why this is funny

Make I laff join

Hm deep, but lets be honest,most women (married) are the ones who fuels men's cheating urge...you mentioned body shaming, Wat exactly is it& Is it something u can work on to get better?.women suld forget this thier notion of "he must take me as I am" ogbeni, there are somethings that can't be "taking as it is ". a lady wit a bad character,a lazy dirty lady, a lady who is bothered about her look & size ...etc.know Wat make ur man date & marry u from the 1st day & try maintaining it.strive to look younger witout looking rediculous...tho ur case is alrdy late because his mind is set on another @tm,my advice is take the above hints, improve ur selve, work & achive some goals to prove his body shaming a wrong

ImaIma1:


It just takes discipline and being content. Some men cannot fathom being with just one woman for the rest of their lives

Change is constant, being with just one woman with the rest of one's life is a choice and not a compulsory task.


I do not support, encourage or like cheating in anyway but when things like these come up, an equilibrium should be met.

Staying outta marriage could be more regrettable, so, if one can adjust and adapt to new conditions in such growing stage is better.

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i strongly dont believe this story is complete

somthing must have led to somthing that shit got deep to this stage(extent the niiga is proud of cheating )

else he must have had that mentality which u must have noticed and gone ahead

......gaps everywhere

incomplete story,no advice,i read comments,i pass

Needtolove:
Thank you all for your kind words, I am putting myself together piece by piece and saving up gradually. Still at the house because of my baby. I will wait it out, but am planning my exit. I won't do anything that will land me in trouble because of my baby. Learning to be selfish too.

Good morning,

Naturally, all cheating husband always respect their wife except the man is naturally disrespectful to female folks. If your husband is naturally disrespectful to female folks, you will have easily noticed that few weeks into your relationship. If you have noticed this behavior and ignored, please continue to ignore and stay safe. If didn't notice this then you must have been blind by any or all of gift, sex performance, charming appearance, money, etc. If this is the case, you may need to take your lessons and readjust yourself and face reality of your choice.

From your post, I am not sure your husband is a violent type, only that he is cheating and rubbing it on your face. So, it is highly possible that the above may not applies. A critical look into your may suggest a revenge mission or "I will show you attitude" from your husband considering his response and choice of choosing your neighbor. There is likelihood of no intimate relationship between them if your husband is good man, at least none of your posts suggested he has be cheating, at least, after marriage. The question here is, have you been denying sex? Have you not been taking to heed to his instructions and suggestions? Have you ever been proving "we own this house together" or "I am not your slave" or similar attitude to your husband? You may need to look inward because the choice of your husband side chick and stands deviate from normal. If the cause his him, you must have definitely and clearly know this within two months of relationship.

We surely need more information. Did your husband suddenly change? Have you always been making him to know you cared less or accusing him infidelity or attaching any of his action/reactions to perceived woman outside? So before you make your final decision, you need to ask yourself some sincere questions and look things through the lense of your husband.

Good luck to you, please the interest of the baby should be above any interest you may have. Thank you.

Op please follow this advice

kennygee:
Dear woman, I can imagine the emotional and psychological pain you're going thru, however, making a decision right now might not be wise cause it will be an emotional one.

Just keep praying for him and ask God for strength to overcome. It is only when there's a crack in the wall that a lizard can enter.

Start working out the little way you can, start dressing really nice, so nice you'll get compliments outside. It will improve your self esteem, wear make up, smell nice. It might not stop him from cheating but it will build up your self esteem and confidence so much that you'll see you're not the problem.

You'll be in a better place to decide if you want to stay with him or leave.

All the best.

I hope you have a job or a business sha?

Cause the best security a woman can have is her own money.

.
.
Op please follow this advice

Jentle244:




I feel ur pain really

First of all what I would say is this: He body shames u at any given opportunity. I would say say u work on ur body, do some exercise, avoid fatty foods, watch your diet. and be discipled about it. I guess ur husband married u a slim lady? go back to that ur former shape.

If u ask me I don't like women who are fat unnecessarily. thruth be told.

So work on ur weight and body size.




Secondly, are u a spiritual woman?

A woman who kneels before God will stand before men.

I use to know an aunt whose husband cheats on her. Every time she complains to my mum until my mum told her what to do. She prayed a prayer that no man who cheats on his wife to pray


"O Lord my his penis never stand if he meets a strange woman" an it worked like fire cause God has said whatever God has joined together let no man put asunder, that girl is trying to put asunder(divide) in your marriage.


So what am trying to say is that u must be a prayer woman if u want a peaceful home.





Thirdly, Know how to cook, especially his favorite. it is said that the way to a man's heart is through the stomach which invariably means food, good food as at that. if u don't know learn from ur friends.

Fourthly, Be romantic, my sister know how to dob it in bed, like the above saying, another way to a Man's heart is through sex. This is the 21st century where the internet is at our finger tips. learn how to seduce him, learn how to u know moan, wriggle your body etc. Am not saying u should watch porn.



And Lastly, Be supportive: supportive in the sense that u are supportive emotionally, money wise and prayer wise.


In terms of money if u don't have something doing, men tend to get irritated especially when he has a girl outside. Learn a handwork such as decoration, pastry, confectioneries, catering etc



The ball is in your Court



I rest my case

Whaaaaaaaaaat really...... so in essence "for a marriage to work the woman has to do all the work at the expense of her desires,she has to give up her self as if he did her a favor by marrying her?"what about what she wants? what if she is all this and he's still cheating on her maybe the body part she is lacking but does he hv to rob it on her like that? ......gosh SMH....if that woman is your sister or a woman u love,will u allow a man to treat her like that?... let's be honest with ourselves please,we are all human and have feelings as well

the institution of marriage has lost it value.....for God's sake as a young lady who desire to have a happy married life tomorrow why destroy another woman marriage....some pple will say it's karma,but it starts from somewhere Hmmmm I guess there is only but a few responsible single ladies out there... may God help us.....

OP.....

please pray for yourself and the grace to train your child....there is no marriage in heaven and it is not ur ticket to make heaven either but it can make you condemn ur life for all eternity....live for you child happiness