₦airaland Forum

twhy111:
base on what statistics?? Or because you're a female and you feel the need to rise to other comrade defense?

UyaiIncomparabl:
MIGHT, not certain.

crackhaus:
Let me just tell you my impression of you.

You love HARD and hate even HARDER.
So yea, you're definitely going to be all submissive to the man you will fall in love with, true love I mean.

twhy111:
Then your resolution does not align with getting married. Of course as an adult nobody has the right to tell you how to live your life.
But should in case you decide to get married then you need to give the term 'submission' a thought.

UyaiIncomparabl:
Wrong! Trying hard to guess my black mind.

crackhaus:


It wasn't that hard to guess.

essenceplus:
Bro you're a serious trouble hunter

mrsthang:
@uyaiincomparabl

Dictionary meaning: Submission is the action of accepting or yielding to a superior force or to the will or authority of another person.

Some people are born and are naturally able to accept husband as authority,others are born and question it.

There are men who naturally do not want to be head of anything,they are happy to hand over that role to their woman and simply let her lead the home.

There are women who naturally take charge and seamlessly manage their home and others who want to sit back and let all the decisions be made by their man.

There are also men who are born to lead,who make decisions without being questioned about it and their homes are still great.

Again,there's another couple who live as the wind blows,take charge in doing and making decisions based on what you're good at

There is no shame in any of the above scenarios.None is better than the other,I think the key is finding what works for you and finding a partner that fits into your ideology.

Personally,I have never agreed with the word simply because I do not believe people should lead based on genit alia..

When 2 people come together and learn to acknowledge their different strengths,headship, neckship or tailship won't really matter I think.

I was raised by a very submissive mother,she spent her time teaching me that it is the acceptable way.My father is the typical you must be submissive male,his own method of leading, interesting.He was good at making decisions,but he left the people under his authority seething with resentment.

I didn't understand how despite having such a submissive wife,they were and still are at complete logger heads. Perhaps this colored my view.

I struggled all my life to fit into this acceptable mould,was labelled stubborn by male counterparts and told I would never be able to live "under" a man.


Eventually,i learned to accept and do me and then went on to marry a man who isn't concerned about submission but is more interested in peace and quiet at home. Almost at 10 years of marriage.



I have learned that we all have different capabilities and once we identify those, whomever is better at one role takes charge when it's time to execute it,that way I contribute my best when it's my turn and the husband contributes his when it's his turn.

My husband sometimes struggles with his own indoctrination that a man should lead,it's all he's known since birth but within himself,nature has made him more of a mellow personality who would rather sit back and let someone else crack their heads while he gets on with other things.


We are all so beautifully made, similar but with so many differences.

Whatever choice you make, however you live, it is fine as long as you are happy.

No matter how submissive or dominant you are,marriage will always have it's own niggles.

Forget what people say or think, work out what is best for you and your partner.

In my opinion,that's all that matters.

If we all learn to respect other people's choices and not see our way as the wrong or right way,there would be more cohesion and this conversation wouldn't even happen.

Cheers!

TheNaijanBlog:
Very well said!! People are just generalizing on this thread, while some men are projecting their issues, and consoling themselves with “oh women will submit readily to a man with money” who cares? If you like a submissive wife marry one! No need to start acting like others that want different are in denial, SOME men actually don’t care for this submissive bullshit! They just want a partner they can live in peace with. Best comment yet. I always support “do you” mentality.

mrsthang:
@uyaiincomparabl

Dictionary meaning: Submission is the action of accepting or yielding to a superior force or to the will or authority of another person.

Some people are born and are naturally able to accept husband as authority,others are born and question it.

There are men who naturally do not want to be head of anything,they are happy to hand over that role to their woman and simply let her lead the home.

There are women who naturally take charge and seamlessly manage their home and others who want to sit back and let all the decisions be made by their man.

There are also men who are born to lead,who make decisions without being questioned about it and their homes are still great.

Again,there's another couple who live as the wind blows,take charge in doing and making decisions based on what you're good at

There is no shame in any of the above scenarios.None is better than the other,I think the key is finding what works for you and finding a partner that fits into your ideology.

Personally,I have never agreed with the word simply because I do not believe people should lead based on genit alia..

When 2 people come together and learn to acknowledge their different strengths,headship, neckship or tailship won't really matter I think.

I was raised by a very submissive mother,she spent her time teaching me that it is the acceptable way.My father is the typical you must be submissive male,his own method of leading, interesting.He was good at making decisions,but he left the people under his authority seething with resentment.

I didn't understand how despite having such a submissive wife,they were and still are at complete logger heads. Perhaps this colored my view.

I struggled all my life to fit into this acceptable mould,was labelled stubborn by male counterparts and told I would never be able to live "under" a man.


Eventually,i learned to accept and do me and then went on to marry a man who isn't concerned about submission but is more interested in peace and quiet at home. Almost at 10 years of marriage.



I have learned that we all have different capabilities and once we identify those, whomever is better at one role takes charge when it's time to execute it,that way I contribute my best when it's my turn and the husband contributes his when it's his turn.

My husband sometimes struggles with his own indoctrination that a man should lead,it's all he's known since birth but within himself,nature has made him more of a mellow personality who would rather sit back and let someone else crack their heads while he gets on with other things.


We are all so beautifully made, similar but with so many differences.

Whatever choice you make, however you live, it is fine as long as you are happy.

No matter how submissive or dominant you are,marriage will always have it's own niggles.

Forget what people say or think, work out what is best for you and your partner.

In my opinion,that's all that matters.

If we all learn to respect other people's choices and not see our way as the wrong or right way,there would be more cohesion and this conversation wouldn't even happen.

Cheers!

UyaiIncomparabl:
NO!
Why do you people preach submission and you still cheat and call it man's nature?

bukatyne:
Male adultery is accommodated.

essenceplus:
Shatap. SARS fall on you talk without the thrash

UyaiIncomparabl:
Mrsthang, your input was spot on. Thanks.

Bukatyne, thanks too.

twhy111:
That is the perception you're giving yourself, but it doesn't dispute the fact that both sex are culprit of fornication.

lilmax:
lol the men here are having fun while the girls are acting like they're going through a phase, trying to figure out if they need a man's protection or not

even looking at the poster's picture self,it's not hard to tell

chill and enjoy life instead of this gra gra aura

TheNaijanBlog:
Very well said!! People are just generalizing on this thread, while some men are projecting their issues, and consoling themselves with “oh women will submit readily to a man with money” who cares? If you like a submissive wife marry one! No need to start acting like others that want different are in denial, SOME men actually don’t care for this submissive bullshit! They just want a partner they can live in peace with. Best comment yet. I always support “do you” mentality.

crackhaus:
It's not a mentality, I'm talking real life here.

It doesn't matter a woman's nationality, black or white and in-between, there are three things that make women submissive almost to the point of servitude:

1. True Love, emotion-based.

2. True spirituality, religion-based.

3. Money, vanity-based.


If money really does not make you see a man as the authority in the home, one of the other two always does.

crackhaus:
I know you can't read & comprehend without assistance, so let me help.




Now what were you postulating again?

essenceplus:
Note submission isn't doing as you're told as that's totalitarian and not involving of the other party

Submission means considering the other party even if you hold a different view. It means putting the other party into consideration and allowing yourself be led.

Submission is power under control not powerlessness

Submission isn't do as you're told. Submission is involvement but the head taking the lead.

Submission implies powerful but under authority. Its not the absence of oneself but entrusting your will in the total control of the head.

TheNaijanBlog:
“Postulating” I know in your mind... you know what? Never mind. I have read your posts on this thread and I am not impressed, too low IQ for me so you won’t get a debate from me. However, let me drop a nugget before I go...

Comprehension- it’s best you take your own advice. Unlike you, I don’t have time to school you. Google “some” however, if the shoe fits...

TheNaijanBlog:
“Postulating” I know in your mind... you know what? Never mind. I have read your posts on this thread and I am not impressed, too low IQ for me so you won’t get a debate from me. However, let me drop a nugget before I go...

Comprehension- it’s best you take your own advice. Unlike you, I don’t have time to school you. Google “some” however, if the shoe fits...

Ranchhoddas:
Now who is getting emotional? You see someone who is ready to take you on you wanna tuck your tail between your legs

TheNaijanBlog:
What are you on about? I know you think you have a gotcha moment but if you can read you will see he is not asking me a question relevant to the thread, he is calling me out for misquoting him, however, I wasn’t even referring to him. Why engage with someone that has a simple comprehension problem?

I have responded with relevant replies to those that asked valid questions, this didn’t deserve one.

Meanwhile I see you ran with your tail from my comment and rushed to this one because you are afraid to confront facts.

Abeg don’t disturb me. Do you, marry a submissive wife no one is stopping you but stop harassing girls that don’t subscribe to it, it’s a free world.

doitforyou:
There is nothing like "what does submission mean to you?" the word submission only means one thing "to yield to a higher authority". The meaning of the world will NEVER change no matter how much some Nigerian women dance around it when asked. Most Nigerian women will start by " I believe i should submit BUT" because they don't want to be bashed for rejecting that word or they start with "I am a christian so I have to BUT" most women will NOT subscribe to the real definition of 'Submission'. As you can see with the responses on this thread, most will start with standard "I believe women should submit but" will then go on to explain scenarios that are NOT submissive ones

For example is just like how some women will say "I am not a feminist because" and then go on to describe feminism, all because they don't want to be tagged with the 'dirty' word. See as some women on this thread are ascribing non submissive scenarios to the word "submissive" because women have been conditioned that respect and submission mean the same thing.

The right question will be "do you subscribe to submission in a marriage?" NO. RESPECT is much better.

PrimadonnaO:
Uyaincomparabl, whatever I would have said would have been similar to this.

@Acidosis made sense, too... only that he sprinkled a lil bit of nonsense in it, too.

liberalchick:
Thanks for the mention.

I can’t speak for anyone else’s marriage but I will try as much as possible to explain from my own perspective.

Let’s start with the definition of ‘submissive’

“ready to conform to the authority or will of others; meekly obedient or passive.”

Yea. So no to submission it is not my MO, the word always rubbed me the wrong way, it always gave me lord and master vibes. So yeah when I was dating I stayed clear of men that believed in submission. It wasn’t for me. Marriage is too long to cede your rights to another human being that is also prone to mistakes.

My husband and I believe both of us have individual rights and choices and no one’s rights is greater than the other. I have an issue with giving someone the role of de-facto ‘leader’ because of his sex, Nigerian men that always like to use the analogy “there cannot be two captains in a ship” forget that the captain of that ship was NOT chosen because of his sex, the captain had to EARN it.
I have seen some family suffer because it had a de-facto leader that was unfortunately not wise or knowledgeable

I have noticed that over the course of our marriage, subconsciously, I now defer some situations to my husband because overtime he has made very good decisions, thus he earned that blind confidence.

In our house no de-factor leader, each one of us is a leader in whatever skill we are expert in, my husband manages the finances not because he is the ‘head’ but because he is very good at it! I am much more entrepreneurial so I am in charge of the side business we created because I am good at! He is the leader when it comes to investment and finances, I am the leader when it comes to our joint business. My husband didn't marry me to be a lord over me or be a dictator, he married me because he believes I can complement him and together we BOTH as equal partners contributing our individual skills, diversities and differences can create a beautiful family.

One thing I also noticed with some Nigerian men is they prefer their wives fear them rather than RESPECT them. They erroneously conflate fear and respect, the two cannot exist together. I respect my husband a lot, he is so full of wisdom and he takes his responsibilities seriously. He in turn respects me a lot and he values my opinion because he sees me as a human being first. You don’t need to shout or command another human being to earn their respect that is FEAR and it erodes with each command.

I also want to add that, some men also quote the Bible to justify submission but conveniently ignore “thou shall not commit adultery” which is one of the Ten Commandments.

Gaggi:
While it sounds all modern and sensible, I wonder if Mr liberalchick will agree that he is a co-head with his wife or even admit the wife is the head of the house. It's the internet, anyone can say anything. Then again, some men were born weak and it's only natural for the wife to step up as nature abhors vacuum. Every alpha male takes charge and his wife must submit.

A wife should submit to the man all things being equal. I'm not even talking from a religious standpoint. Women are emotional and they take rash decisions, it will be unwise to let them take control of key decisions on behalf of the family. However, I do believe that women have input in how things should be done in a lot of areas.
They should take charge of certain aspects of the relationship or home, they can even give advise on finances if she is a better manager of resources.
I know some men are pussiesss and degenerate low life's who depend on women for survival, I expect the female partners of such men to come online and say proudly that she doesn't submit to her partner. How can she when she is in a relationship with a 'sheeemale'?

PS: submission is not slavery. It is staying under the umbrella of another because he is the leader and you trust him to protect and take care of your interest. Afterall if you didn't why date or marry him?

By the way for me, a woman who allows a man to be a man is the sexiest woman ever.

crackhaus:
It's not a mentality, I'm talking real life here.

It doesn't matter a woman's nationality, black or white and in-between, there are three things that make women submissive almost to the point of servitude:

1. True Love, emotion-based.

2. True spirituality, religion-based.

3. Money, vanity-based.


If money really does not make you see a man as the authority in the home, one of the other two always does.

bukatyne:
And interestingly, the average Nigerian husband isn't willing to bring any of these to the table.

I prefer reading foreign articles on relationships/marriage.

I might not agree with most of what they say however they understand that they have responsibilities towards the kind of home they want.

You will read some blogs where posters will be praying/advising a wife how to engage her husband so she stops working to enable her a 'true' submissive wife.

A husband wants his wife to stop wearing trousers and he buys the types of dresses he wants on her.

The men would be studying the Bible so they are fit spiritual leaders.

Even the non-religious ones would talk of what they need to do so their wives are submissive. They will say a mark of a submissive wife is one who doesn't work so she can concentrate on chores.

I once read some people who believed women should not be educated in college. They can do general studies online or in the library while they focus on building a home and marry early.

Not like Naija that wants the girl educated to P. HD and thereafter, tell her not to work.

You might not agree with their methods however, they think things through.

Our brothers?

Hmmmmmm.