₦airaland Forum

cococandy:
@bold, that’s your opinion.

It works great for some and evidently defined gender roles don’t always work for all homes seeing the number of dysfunctional homes that abound who practice such.

You’re using OP’s topic to further your cause. Stop it.

It works for all homes where the parties involved act responsibly and dutifully. I know we all are here to sell our opinions, but some are based on factual and common statistics.

I'm repeating again that I've not come to further my cause. What's wrong with viewing issues from a different perspective?

Firstly it seem this poster has more than 1 kid
Secondly I think she prefer to live alone
Thirdly I think she is selfish
And lastly there is more to this she is not telling us

daddytime:
You are husbandless as in the word "husband" so long as your mother in law lives, because your mil boy is strongly tied to his mother's apron strings.

This bears every hallmark of a marriage headed for the rocks, no thanks to a monkey that went to the US and still chose to remain a monkey.

She go soon arrange wife for Dre.

I wish you well sis..

Gbam

Madam, never live under same roof with an in law. I keep my family away from my home so as to keep in laws away.
You can't have freedom yet you get the blames for all sacrifices made

I'm sorry I couldn't read just 1 letter like this in the story it's way too long for my soul someone should summarize it for me... Don't know when nairaland turned to waec/neco(comprehension passage)

Sorry dear but your husband is a yeye sissy.
So na for your body him wan get power now take "do something drastic" ?
Your present stance is the best,,,let Dre remain in ML with his mom,,,if he tries anything drastic ,then you respond with a drasticker ( we can speak this rada rada English for Dre and his rada rada mom) action by acting American,,,,,he will come to his senses

Marraige is a union between a man and his wife only. 'For this reason,' says the Word, 'shall a man LEAVE his father and mother and cling to his wife'.

If he cannot leave then he cannot be a husband, simple.
But these are the things to be discovered and discussed during what is called courtship, long before the complications of marraige and babies. So ma'am your ship has sailed. Repair work is awfully tough and will not look anything brand new.

properties4sale:
You don't have single sense!!! I just hate this... Tufiakwa..
This is my issue, all this marriage nonsense, so because the mum said something 2 years ago and its over. .. Abeg, make una go sit down.
Your MIL, is the breadwinner, she can stay where she is, and ur husband join u.

this person don smoke Oshogbo weed...Nairaland abeg where una dey go bring all this kind people from

What is Dre?

erifeoluwasimi:
Madam, never live under same roof with an in law. I keep my family away from my home so as to keep in laws away.
You can't have freedom yet you get the blames for all sacrifices made

So true, worst decision a man will ever chose for his newly wedded wife .

Worst ever.

It always ends in divorce or separation.

Let Dre come to nairaland and narrate his own part of the story cos i can't jurge by hearing from one person. Dre ur hearing is next week.

Please subscribe to my channel by clicking on the link


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=51Fm1ybgDkc

budaatum:
2 likes for the quality of writing, 3 likes for the sense

One night some girl and some guy were going to a party but had an accident and couldn't go anymore so they went to her house and she called the guy's mama.

"Mama", she said. "We had an accident"
"Hehn!" Said mama. "Is anybody hurt?"
"No mama".
"Olorun seun" said mama. "Come now and finish my hair my dear", and mama put the phone down.
The girl turned to the guy, " Mama said I should come do her hair".
Guy looked at clock and yelled, "Hell no"! And they went to bed.

The next morning, they got up early and went to the guy's house where mama stays, and as soon as they entered, mama ripped! "What time is this? Why didn't you come last night? Is that how you disrespect your mother?! And you want to marry my son!?"

On hearing his mama, the guy said, "Mama mi, it was two o'clock in the morning! It would have taken us 2 hours to get here!" But mama was having none of it and ripped some more till eventually, the guy ripped too!

"Would you ask my sister your own daughter to travel at that time?" And mama's response brought thunder.
"This is my house!" He said to his mama. If you cannot be civil to my friend and live in my house by my rules, then get out!"

Mama think say na joke. Every morning the guy would wake up and say, "Good morning mama mi. Are you still here? I want you to leave my house please!" And three weeks later, mama moved out, and the girl and guy got married a year later with mama's blessings.

A year to the day after they were married, the wife and husband were returning from the home office where the wife had just been given Indefinite Leave to Remain when she said, "It's been a while since I have been home to see my mother, I'd like to go and see her". So they arranged for her to go and she was gone for a month. And when she returned, she said she wanted a divorce, "your mama, your mama, your mama!" And they divorced.

She went on to have two beautiful daughters who are now married themselves, while mama is still praying that her 60 year old only son find a suitable woman to give her grandchildren.

I think you have the patience and wisdom to deal with this. You calmly presented your case and I believe you remain calm when dealing with mama hence the 3 likes. I think you should have moved on when he refused to defend you. You should have told him off big time when he didn't and got him to commit to defending you from attack. What if it were an outsider, would he have said nothing then too?! Talk to him about it now.

The two star is for not living with her and for keeping her in a different state. That's bold! She has not changed. You saw it when she spoke to her husband who must have put up with her as long as her oldest child has lived. Don't go there! If she and her son move to your state, its probably time to move states unless you get that commitment from him to defend you from her in writing! And it likely would be worth less than the ink its written in! A commitment would her would be worth more, but I think that's wishing on a star territory.

I'll be rooting for you. Remain strong.



2 like! Plus 3 like now that I've read it.

Damndidi damn
This is the best I have seen since I was born in this life
Damn
U got me sitting up right as I read
Truly kolanut that will be used by the gods must first grow in the soil of common sense

budaatum:
2 likes for the quality of writing, 3 likes for the sense

One night some girl and some guy were going to a party but had an accident and couldn't go anymore so they went to her house and she called the guy's mama.

"Mama", she said. "We had an accident"
"Hehn!" Said mama. "Is anybody hurt?"
"No mama".
"Olorun seun" said mama. "Come now and finish my hair my dear", and mama put the phone down.
The girl turned to the guy, " Mama said I should come do her hair".
Guy looked at clock and yelled, "Hell no"! And they went to bed.

The next morning, they got up early and went to the guy's house where mama stays, and as soon as they entered, mama ripped! "What time is this? Why didn't you come last night? Is that how you disrespect your mother?! And you want to marry my son!?"

On hearing his mama, the guy said, "Mama mi, it was two o'clock in the morning! It would have taken us 2 hours to get here!" But mama was having none of it and ripped some more till eventually, the guy ripped too!

"Would you ask my sister your own daughter to travel at that time?" And mama's response brought thunder.
"This is my house!" He said to his mama. If you cannot be civil to my friend and live in my house by my rules, then get out!"

Mama think say na joke. Every morning the guy would wake up and say, "Good morning mama mi. Are you still here? I want you to leave my house please!" And three weeks later, mama moved out, and the girl and guy got married a year later with mama's blessings.

A year to the day after they were married, the wife and husband were returning from the home office where the wife had just been given Indefinite Leave to Remain when she said, "It's been a while since I have been home to see my mother, I'd like to go and see her". So they arranged for her to go and she was gone for a month. And when she returned, she said she wanted a divorce, "your mama, your mama, your mama!" And they divorced.

She went on to have two beautiful daughters who are now married themselves, while mama is still praying that her 60 year old only son find a suitable woman to give her grandchildren.

I think you have the patience and wisdom to deal with this. You calmly presented your case and I believe you remain calm when dealing with mama hence the 3 likes. I think you should have moved on when he refused to defend you. You should have told him off big time when he didn't and got him to commit to defending you from attack. What if it were an outsider, would he have said nothing then too?! Talk to him about it now.

The two star is for not living with her and for keeping her in a different state. That's bold! She has not changed. You saw it when she spoke to her husband who must have put up with her as long as her oldest child has lived. Don't go there! If she and her son move to your state, its probably time to move states unless you get that commitment from him to defend you from her in writing! And it likely would be worth less than the ink its written in! A commitment would her would be worth more, but I think that's wishing on a star territory.

I'll be rooting for you. Remain strong.



2 like! Plus 3 like now that I've read it.

WHAT A STOOOOOOORY

YOUMY FRIEND SERIOUSLY NEED A PSYCHIATRIST...

soberdrunk:
Well if you truly love your husband and want to stay married to him you have to endure her, from your husband's actions it is obvious he will pick his mum over you anytime anyday so the choice is yours......

Goddddd people like this voted buhari for the purpose of ending the 2nd northern tenure not for moving Nigeria forward...endure for how long?

liberalchick:
Op, want to start out by saying I am very sorry for what you’re going though.

First, A man dictates or sets the tone on how his extended family treats his wife and his family. In-Laws will always try to push your buttons because you are not family but a real man is who keeps them in check.

I always see most comments here on NL how men should be alpha male yet most are mummy’s boy. Most will quote the Bible about submission but will forget how you have to leave and cleave to forge your OWN family. A real man PROTECTS his family. A man has to make it known that any insult to his family is a disrespect to him, a disrespect to his wife and mother of his kids is a disrespect to him, simple. Families have to know boundaries. Overtime you will have a good and cordial relationship with your in-laws because every role/relationship as regards to your husband is well defined.

I am sorry OP but any man that stays silent while a woman carrying his child, a woman that he says he is in love with, is being harassed is weak. What’s the point of staying with someone that doesn’t have your back? However, I understand situations are different and things that work for me might not work for you. So, if you love your husband then you have to ask him how important is HIS family to him?

Good one.

dear marriage no easy ,if you really love your husband and want the marriage to work ,allow your husband to live with you and let you and your husband find accommodation for his parents .

She is Ur fellow woman. Hope you'd be a better mother in-law in the future?.
My advice to you, allow Ur man get the job but you guys will have clearly spelt out boundaries that his parents should never exceed for the sake of peace.

'.....once I smell trouble coming from afar, I run to the opposite direction as fast as my leg can....'

These up here are your words. So you could have just avoided all what you are experiencing by not marrying that 'boy' in the first place.

Anyways, kudos to you on avoiding trouble all these while but I wonder how long you can continue with it since your partner is becoming difficult and separation is not an option for you.

Dem no get old people's home for that side? That's where backward negroe MILs belong so they don't polute the civilized society with their inventless mentality.

You people in the west are living in another world sha.. According to you, you living apart already buh married or i didn't get the write-up? Husband in ml and wife and kids in ny. Husband wants to move to ny where his families are buh wife isn't in support because extended family will follow. Smh. God will kuku help you people.

Op. Seems like you already got it figured out. You don't need our help

It's a big problem when you marry a mummy's boy. Advise to ladies...if your potential husband can't make a complete statement without mentioning his mother you better run as fast as your leg can carry you. Firstly you'll find yourself in a polygamous family with the mother as the first wife *you are the second wife. Secondly it's nothing but war *Infact 2nd world war is child's play.

I am totally disappointed in you. All the lady wants is an advice from you not insult. You are nothing but an illiterate. Anyone who can not comment on issues online without insulting people is an illiterate. As a matter of fact, you are not fit to have a social media account. Work on yourself please!

Biggermembersro:
Some people's sole aim in this world is to provoke people intentionally, I am a "slow to react to anger" kind of person and I always stay in my lane and mind my business, once I smell trouble coming from afar, I run to the opposite direction as fast as my leg can carry me, I come from a tribe where you have to respect elders no matter the situation same as what my Bible says so what gives abeg.......


.

I admire your wisdom in dealing with this issue. That said, anyone who tells you to endure this shiit is toxic. Ignore them.

But what kind of love made you marry a mama's puppet? It never ends well dear.

olugabbie:
I am totally disappointed in you. All the lady wants is an advice from you not insult. You are nothing but an illiterate. Anyone who can not comment on issues online without insulting people is an illiterate. As a matter of fact, you are not fit to have a social media account. Work on yourself please!

chief who in particular are you talking to

Mum doesn't get to visit my house within the first five years of marriage!

Hits the gavel!!

Biggermembersro:
Some people's sole aim in this world is to provoke people intentionally, I am a "slow to react to anger" kind of person and I always stay in my lane and mind my business, once I smell trouble coming from afar, I run to the opposite direction as fast as my leg can carry me, I come from a tribe where you have to respect elders no matter the situation same as what my Bible says so what gives abeg.......


My husband always praise his mum cos she trained him to med school here in U.S.A, of course who wouldn't just like I don't joke with my dad cos he did well for his six kids, so he adores his mum, praises her in every situation, always at her beck and call, I didn't see it as a big deal cos, well, it's his mum, we met here in NY, he and his family stay in Maryland while I was schooling in NY, the plan was when we get married I'll go back and forth till I finish school then move to Maryland, so I took in, you know first pregnancy how difficult it is, so one of those days i went to ML for the weekend one time, during that period, his mum had a get together so everyone is expected to be there, being in my first trimester, I was sick and told her I can't be there, she insisted and I told her I'll try, when the time came I was too ill to go anywhere so I didn't go, all for his mum to come later that night and was shouting saying and I quote "when I tell my son your husband to run he will run, even if I tell him to jump he will do just that so who are you to tell me you can't come, what silly sickness, if I blow that your belly, highest is you'll loose the pregnancy and then take in again,nothing is going to happen" that is exactly what she said, I was shocked, my husband was there looking he didn't say anything, his father was there, he shouted at her that why would she say something like that, his mum shut him down saying all manner of unsayable things because she was more like the breadwinner, his sister, that one cannot talk if not the mother will insult her very existence just because she got pregnant out of wedlock but she still married the father ooo, me, my mouth was open, I couldn't talk cos I dont even know what to say, when they left hubby didnt even try to ease my mind or anything, the next day I jejely left for NY, vowing that my leg will never step into ML anymore.

Sincerely I was tempted to abort and divorce my husband because I don't understand how someone can say evil like that, even if it was a joke, that was nonsense, since then I've been in NY, I gave birth here, Dre has been the one coming here, it's not like me and his mum don't talk, she calls and we talk, sometimes I call too, all for recently, infact last week Dre says he got an opening for a job here and he wants to take it, I blatantly told him NO, because his parents couldnt work anymore due to health and all so they are staying with him in ML, him moving here means his mum will do that too, I told him no that I like things the way they are, no issues, nothing, I cannot stay in the same house with his mum because we will have issues that one is certain, he started shouting, I reminded him of what his mother said two years ago, he now said it is the past, which past? Now that I'm working I am expected to leave my babies with her, call me delusional the instinct of a mother is to protect her children, even if she may not do anything, we will still have issues and I don't want that before someone say I'm disrespectful when I talk back.

If I decide to turn American now, I'll just tell him he can't bring anyone here without my permission, but no, I won't tell him that, some of their laws here is stupid to be honest and I'm a nice person and I was born and bred in the north in Nigeria also I don't want to escalate issue, I am the only one here, my family is in Nigeria and i never mentioned any of this to them so it won't turn to family issues, now he's not talking to me saying he will take drastic measures, it will not pass divorce and custody battle of which I know I will win but I don't want that for my kids, they need their parents in the same home not divorced, my own is he should stay where he is and take care of his parents and continue worshiping his mum, is it that hard?

I dey vex abeg, pls advice on other options fam.

HOW COMFORTABLE ARE U LEAVING SEPARATELY FROM UR HUSBAND COS OF HIS MUM.THOUGH I UNDERSTAND THAT THE MUM CAN BE A THREAT BUT LEAVING SEPARATELY WHEN U HAVE THE CHOICE TO BE TOGETHER IS AS GOOD AS BEING DIVORCED.AND U SAID U DON'T LIKE WAHALA.U WILL HAVE TO CHOOSE BETWEEN THE REAL DIVORCE OR LIVE AS A FAMILY.I THINK URE GETTING USED TO STAYING ALONE AND INDEPENDENT MINDEDNESS.

ishawlar:
Let Dre come to nairaland and narrate his own part of the story cos i can't jurge by hearing from one person. Dre ur hearing is next week.

my nigga!

Dreew:
I admire your wisdom in dealing with this issue. That said, anyone who tells you to endure this shiit is toxic. Ignore them.

But what kind of love made you marry a mama's puppet? It never ends well dear.

Thank you oooh..I wonder how people reason in life....some people still dey talk endure...endure wetin Someone that confidently said,if I punch DAT your stomach..the highest thing is,you loose the pregnancy ,and then take in again...as in just like that......AFRICAA,AFRICAAA,WHY ARE WE like this

cococandy:
of course. Equality is the problem. Very sane logic from you.
A woman who sounds like she’s off the hinge sometimes is your definition of equality because you have purposefully wholeheartedly CHOSEN to misunderstand what’s equality means. And you can’t be convinced otherwise because you need to say what will fit into your bias and misogyny.

A post with zero logic. Do better.

.

He is 100% correct. Stop using that stale word "misogyny". Which women uses whenever a man makes a comment that doesn't suit them.

A woman that conquered her husband will SURELY conquer her children. I have seen a lot of this in several families where the wife is the breadwinner or maybe the husband might be the breadwinner but the quiet type who allows the wife to have her way with him and dictate how the family is run.

It is very important to put every woman in check.

A man that allows his wife to call the shots is prepping his kids for disaster. Women are NEVER the best in training children the best way. Forget say men dey pursue money, hence leaving women at home to carter for the kids.

Any woman that have control over the hubby, will surely want to control her kids home too because they were all her toys

Stay far away from power... It is toxic and usually over abused when in a woman's grasp.

Biggermembersro:
It's like you did not read everything so read it again, she use to be the breadwinner but not anymore, she is a person that anything she says is final so tell me how it will be if she does same in my home.

I love your response to this,it shows you are well exposed and respectful.My own point is that, no normal Mother in- law would ever say such words to her Son's wife while pregnant.
She seems to have some kind of demonic backup to spew out those words.
As for you dear,you must take all solution approach to bail out your husband.Maybe he had been bewitched by his mum from childhood.
I am three decades on earth, my observation is that any Son whom a Mother love to pamper most would not reach far in life and such could have multiple crises in the future.
Seek your God unbehalf of your husband to remove the demonic veil off his mind.
Your husband seems to have lost his mind ability to think straight and you must protect your home to save your marriage.
Pls.do not allow her to move in with you,the case might be worst.You have to brace up and snatch your husband from the demonic grip of his mum.
May God help you to save your marriage.