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My Husband And His Mother!!! - Family (8) - Nairaland

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Re: My Husband And His Mother!!! by Magnoliaa(f): 8:51am On Jun 13, 2019
Acidosis:


What's your definition of submission and why should I submit to my wife?




To submit is to do another's wishes, complying with their demands or accepting of what they say. This, in a loving marriage where both partners aim to grow, compromising and considerate of the other, disagreeing to agree, admitting of faults, toning down criticism among others.

Even if this isn't your view of submission—which is what submission truly means—whatever you think it means, why can or should the definition and expectations of it not apply to you as well but your wife?

It's only right and fair. She's just like you are.

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Re: My Husband And His Mother!!! by Acidosis(m): 9:55am On Jun 13, 2019
Magnoliaa:




To submit is to do another's wishes, complying with their demands or accepting of what they say. This, in a loving marriage where both partners aim to grow, compromising and considerate of the other, disagreeing to agree, admitting of faults, toning down criticism among others.

Even if this isn't your view of submission—which is what submission truly means—whatever you think it means, why can or should the definition and expectations of it not apply to you as well but your wife?

It's only right and fair. She's just like you are.

Do you believe a man should take the role of leadership in the home?




[N.B: Home includes father, mother, children, and their relationships with relatives, outsiders, neighbor, church members, etc.]
Re: My Husband And His Mother!!! by armyofone(m): 3:18pm On Jun 13, 2019
I really don't understand why Africans living in the West find it really difficult to fully accept the ways of life of their adopted home/country. Even the ones that schooled in the west and financially comfortable continue to behave like they are in Nigeria environments with their thoughts and behaviors -I'm a doctor, moving to join my wife and children, my parents must follow me to our new home etc really?
Your parents lived, worked and saw you through college in the states - great- anyway it's their responsibilities to care for their minor children!
You as the husband is working and won't be around to play the role of caretaker right ? So who is going to take responsibility for their care ? Your working wife who is raising her children?
At their retirement age, they either stay in their home or move to an assisted living home. You can go visit or have them visit but not live with you permanently.
Op, in your own situation, come to an arrangement whereby you guys rent an apartment for them in the city you both living for easy visitation that is, if they don't want to live in an assisted living home.
Kai !!! We too dey use sentiment complicate things for ourselves -haba!!

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Re: My Husband And His Mother!!! by Pojomojo: 4:29pm On Jun 13, 2019
Dear married men,

Clear your plates from where you ate and wash them & put them away. It doesn’t take away from your masculinity and if you feel funny about it, maybe you need to have an ego and pride check. You are not a toddler. Be reasonable. Don’t act like a 2 year old.
You are a husband. You are not the first child. Your wife is a helpmate yes. She’s your support, yes. She’s your wife. But pls you are not a puppy. Clean up after yourself and don’t leave a trail of litter after you are done. There’s literally no excuse for this behaviour.

Person whey dey shit no dey remember. Na person whey dey pack the shit no go forget.

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Re: My Husband And His Mother!!! by Magnoliaa(f): 10:38pm On Jun 13, 2019
Acidosis:


Do you believe a man should take the role of leadership in the home?




[N.B: Home includes father, mother, children, and their relationships with relatives, outsiders, neighbor, church members, etc.]

Not alone, no.
Re: My Husband And His Mother!!! by Acidosis(m): 7:34am On Jun 14, 2019
Magnoliaa:


Not alone, no.

You don't believe someone must take the lead, even in places/events where two people are not allowed to speak like barbarians (i.e. speaking at the same time)?

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Re: My Husband And His Mother!!! by Magnoliaa(f): 10:37am On Jun 14, 2019
Acidosis:


You don't believe someone must take the lead, even in places/events where two people are not allowed to speak like barbarians (i.e. speaking at the same time)?

What are you driving at with all these questions? What's your point??

You've moved from leadership in the house to speaking in public places now.......... why will two people be talking all over each other? That's what you think when partners come to make decisions together? undecided
Re: My Husband And His Mother!!! by Acidosis(m): 11:39am On Jun 14, 2019
Magnoliaa:


What are you driving at with all these questions? What's your point??

You've moved from leadership in the house to speaking in public places now.......... why will two people be talking all over each other? That's what you think when partners come to make decisions together? undecided

I think you're being hypocritical and careful with the truth.

Would you be comfortable to teach your sons your understanding of leadership in the home? When your DIL tells you to stay away from her home, I hope you wouldn't call your son to beg or exert a "higher" authority? I hope you would genuinely understand that, like your son, your DIL is the leader of her household?
Re: My Husband And His Mother!!! by budaatum: 9:42pm On Jun 14, 2019
nairalee:

Please I don't understand this story it seems something is missing. Pls what happened after the marriage?
You are correct. I've had to go back to him to get more of the story and a lot was missing as they didn't exactly immediately divorce after "your mama, your mama, your mama", though, nothing more happened than initially narrated.

After she came back and "your mama, your mama, your mama!" He was advised to beg her, so he did. But she wouldn't have it, so he was advised to beg her again, and she still wouldn't have it, so he was advised to beg again, this time, on his knees with tears in his eyes, which he did. It was while he was on his knees with tears in his eye's begging her please that she told him she had found someone else. So he got up, went to his advisers, who told him to beg some more, at which point he told his advisers to fuq off, that even if she accepted now he'd very likely strangle her in her sleep!

It was at that point that they separated and she went to Nigeria for a few months and lost her passport and called him to send her documents to get a visa to return, which he did. And on her return did she start divorce proceedings claiming he had behaved unreasonably, which he would not accept so they had to wait a statutory few years to get a divorce on the grounds of irreconcilable differences.

While she was away, he met another woman who moved in with him. One day, after wife had gotten new documents and returned, she came to collect her stuff and saw the other woman's stuff in the wardrobe and accused him of bringing another woman into her matrimonial home. This infuriated him so he threw her and her stuff out and she left.

Years later he was on the way to his sister's daughter's birthday, and for some reason I know not of, he visited his ex-wife who lived in the vicinity and she asked if her by now 4 year old daughter could go with him to which he agreed. And all his family wondered where he got a 4 year old girl from and if he and his ex-wife were getting back together when they discovered who's daughter she was.

As I already said, this was like 20 years later and she has two daughters, last time he checked, he told me, both of who have graduated from university, while he is unmarried, his new woman having died of cancer. He remains childless while his mother prays everyday.
Re: My Husband And His Mother!!! by nairalee(m): 10:00pm On Jun 14, 2019
budaatum:

You are correct. I've had to go back to him to get more of the story and a lot was missing as they didn't exactly immediately divorce after "your mama, your mama, your mama", though, nothing more happened than initially narrated.

After she came back and "your mama, your mama, your mama!" He was advised to beg her, so he did. But she wouldn't have it, so he was advised to beg her again, and she still wouldn't have it, so he was advised to beg again, this time, on his knees with tears in his eyes, which he did. It was while he was on his knees with tears in his eye's begging her please that she told him she had found someone else. So he got up, went to his advisers, who told him to beg some more, at which point he told his advisers to fuq off, that even if she accepted now he'd very likely strangle her in her sleep!

It was at that point that they separated and she went to Nigeria for a few months and lost her passport and called him to send her documents to get a visa to return, which he did. And on her return did she start divorce proceedings claiming he had behaved unreasonably, which he would not accept so they had to wait a statutory few years to get a divorce on the grounds of irreconcilable differences.

While she was away, he met another woman who moved in with him. One day, after wife had gotten new documents and returned, she came to collect her stuff and saw the other woman's stuff in the wardrobe and accused him of bringing another woman into her matrimonial home. This infuriated him so he threw her and her stuff out and she left.

Years later he was on the way to his sister's daughter's birthday, and for some reason I know not of, he visited his ex-wife who lived in the vicinity and she asked if her by now 4 year old daughter could go with him to which he agreed. And all his family wondered where he got a 4 year old girl from and if he and his ex-wife were getting back together when they discovered who's daughter she was.

As I already said, this was like 20 years later and she has two daughters, last time he checked, he told me, both of who have graduated from university, while he is unmarried, his new woman having died of cancer. He remains childless while his mother prays everyday.

Pls there's something a little confusing about this story. Was the second woman that came the other woman? Or was it the same woman? Pls u didn't differentiate it well
Re: My Husband And His Mother!!! by budaatum: 10:06pm On Jun 14, 2019
nairalee:


Pls there's something a little confusing about this story. Was the second woman that came the other woman? Or was it the same woman? Pls u didn't differentiate it well
The second woman was after the wife and had nothing to do with the husband and wife's separation or divorce.
Re: My Husband And His Mother!!! by nairalee(m): 10:13pm On Jun 14, 2019
budaatum:

The second woman was after the wife and had nothing to do with the husband and wife's separation or divorce.

Then why did she reveal herself as the other woman when she's the first woman?
Re: My Husband And His Mother!!! by budaatum: 11:09pm On Jun 14, 2019
nairalee:

Then why did she reveal herself as the other woman when she's the first woman?
No one revealed themself as "the other woman"!

While she was away after he had begged and begged and begged, and after sending her documents to travel back, he met another woman who moved in with him, and her only relevance to the story was wife, who had already said she (wife) had found someone else, accused him of bringing another woman into her matrimonial home. This infuriated him so he threw her (wife) and her (wife's) stuff out and she (wife) left.
Re: My Husband And His Mother!!! by nairalee(m): 1:37am On Jun 15, 2019
budaatum:

No one revealed themself as "the other woman"!

While she was away after he had begged and begged and begged, and after sending her documents to travel back, he met another woman who moved in with him, and her only relevance to the story was wife, who had already said she (wife) had found someone else, accused him of bringing another woman into her matrimonial home. This infuriated him so he threw her (wife) and her (wife's) stuff out and she (wife) left.

The other woman he brought to the matrimonial home was not the third woman naa. She supposed to be the other woman prior to the aforementioned woman apart from the wife.
Re: My Husband And His Mother!!! by budaatum: 6:09am On Jun 15, 2019
nairalee:


The other woman he brought to the matrimonial home was not the third woman naa. She supposed to be the other woman prior to the aforementioned woman apart from the wife.
I never mentioned a "third lady" or "third woman" in the story. There was mother, wife, and the woman who moved in with him after wife left. And he does not agree that it was a "matrimonial home" since she had gone off with another man.
Re: My Husband And His Mother!!! by nairalee(m): 6:42am On Jun 15, 2019
budaatum:

I never mentioned a "third lady" or "third woman" in the story. There was mother, wife, and the woman who moved in with him after wife left. And he does not agree that it was a "matrimonial home" since she had gone off with another man.

U didn't mention "third woman" explicitly but there are three women essentially so that's what I'm trying t imply. So when she doesn't admit it was a matrimonial home why can't she allow the other woman to be invited to the family? The earlier woman should look inward and address this marital scuffle
Re: My Husband And His Mother!!! by budaatum: 6:48am On Jun 15, 2019
nairalee:


U didn't mention "third woman" explicitly but there are three women essentially so that's what I'm trying t imply. So when she doesn't admit it was a matrimonial home why can't she allow the other woman to be invited to the family? The earlier woman should look inward and address this marital scuffle
Three women. Mother, wife and girlfriend after wife had left. Wife claimed it was her matrimonial home that her husband brought a woman into after she, wife, asked for a divorce and left.

Sorry dude, but I think you are confusing yourself here. The guy got a girlfriend after his wife left him for another man. I doubt she has any right to claim "matrimonial home" after she'd abandoned it and only came to collect her stuff. Or has he no right to move on after his wife had asked for a divorce?
Re: My Husband And His Mother!!! by nairalee(m): 6:56am On Jun 15, 2019
budaatum:

Three women. Mother, wife and girlfriend after wife had left. Wife claimed it was her matrimonial home that her husband brought a woman into after she, wife, asked for a divorce and left.

Sorry dude, but I think you are confusing yourself here. The guy got a girlfriend after his wife left him for another man. I doubt she has any right to claim "matrimonial home" after she'd abandoned it and only came to collect her stuff. Or has he no right to move on after his wife had asked for a divorce?

We're saying almost the same thing. The only problem I have is that why didn't the other woman make her desires known earlier? Now that we've all gotten to this point she now wants to reveal her true self. Remember the mother gave her all she needed in the beginning. Now that the last woman is behaving this way, birds of the same feather flock together

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Re: My Husband And His Mother!!! by budaatum: 8:58am On Jun 15, 2019
nairalee:


We're saying almost the same thing. The only problem I have is that why didn't the other woman make her desires known earlier? Now that we've all gotten to this point she now wants to reveal her true self. Remember the mother gave her all she needed in the beginning. Now that the last woman is behaving this way, birds of the same feather flock together
I don't know which "other woman" you refer to. Do you mean the wife? If so then you're missing the fact that she was just lying and using the man all along to get the visa she wanted, and if she had told him, then he would not have married her and she would not have gotten it.
Re: My Husband And His Mother!!! by Magnoliaa(f): 2:53am On Jul 25, 2019
Acidosis:


I think you're being hypocritical and careful with the truth.

Would you be comfortable to teach your sons your understanding of leadership in the home? When your DIL tells you to stay away from her home, I hope you wouldn't call your son to beg or exert a "higher" authority? I hope you would genuinely understand that, like your son, your DIL is the leader of her household?

I feel you're talking about my understanding of leadership as if it's warped, but anyway, yes, I'll teach it to them. Hm. I--i don't just know why you're carrying this superiority/inferiority/subservient/master thingy on your head. You think it's everybody that likes to "chook" their rules, notions, self into others' life? *IF* my DIL tells me to stay from her home, I'll gladly do. What am I looking for in the first place? What's my business with their homes and how they choose to run? They're grown ups. See, you're still making it about 'force' and exerting control over another when you think my DIL will be telling me that. Leave whatever decision my son will make to him.

They should both "lead" and be in charge of the running of their homes (if they see marriage as such). I'd genuinely understand. They married (because they love each), they are one and the same and are in a partnership.

All your questions are based on you thinking I hold some conventional and traditional beliefs, world-views etc. So I get why you'd be thinking along the lines of me being the typical, overbearing, contentious etc MIL who watches her children moves like a hawk, breathing down their neck and so on.

I believe in the equality of the sexes, so why would you think I'd believe my DIL does not have a say about her home?

When you believe something, it carries along equally similar beliefs not something contradictory - or rather - when you don't believe in one thing, that the beliefs that might come as a result of you believing that one thing, shatters.

You'd keep missing the point if you keep looking at it from a master/lord and a servant/underneath angle.

Re: My Husband And His Mother!!! by Alejobs: 8:14pm On Jul 26, 2019
Can we pray our way to security as a nation or we need serous overhaul of our security architecture?

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Re: My Husband And His Mother!!! by Pojomojo: 8:50am On Dec 24, 2019
Alejobs:
Can we pray our way to security as a nation or we need serous overhaul of our security architecture?

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