₦airaland Forum

Alfa males have pushed this one into bad marriage.

Well I pity the op, but the only remedy as the situation is now is to call the marriage over since she z being tortured everyday.

NEVER tolerate any kind of abuse.

Abuse isn't just about having him hit you or beat you up. Abuse comes in all structures – mental and Emotional as well.

While physical wounds can mend, the psychological and emotional injuries are significantly more hard to recuperate.

Along these lines, don't endure it in the event that he attempts to put down you, debase you, or gaslight you. That is an all out major issue.

Make sure you connect physically, emotionally, and mentally.
Easier said than done, but these three things are crucially important.

If you’re just physically connected, but you don’t connect emotionally or mentally, then you won’t make it for the long haul.

Or maybe you connect mentally, but your intimacy is just “meh.” The relationship may be doomed.

You have to have strong bonds in all areas of your relationship, so make sure you keep an eye on that from the very beginning.


I Love You.

TSRC:
As a youth leader I was speaking to a lady in church on Sunday asking about her general well being.

She couldn't even make proper eye contact, and was busy behaving like the queen of England because of beauty and youth.

I just dey look am.

What kind of mindset is this??

One of the many dangers of feminism.

It makes the ladies think time is always on their side and as such, they can do anything they like.

Anything like giving men shït.

But forgetting that what goes around comes around.

Now it's your turn to eat the same shït.

You are now old, probably unattractive now, almost out of options, and even worse still, ready to accept any type of guy...

Your past life now haunts you as you recall all those guys you gave shït when the ball was in your court, but now you can't have them.

Which leaves you with a very painful feeling of regrets and had I known.

I only have a few words for you: Enjoy the shït.

Nonsense.

At this time in ur marriage I don't think u need advice from people,u are to advise urself. u don't allow third parties to tell u what to do just like ur pastors have done. I just hope people will learn from this. Don't be deceived by innocent faces u see at religious homes. And finally, take ur safety serious first before shame. u can always bounce out of shame.�

eni4real:
What kind of mindset is this??

When you get older, you will understand.

TSRC:
When you get older, you will understand.

like how old are you talking about here
Your mindset reeks of entitlement bro

Elesta:
Hello family, I have a long post about my terrible marriage. Please bear with me, I just have to pour everything out because it's killing me slowly.
I am in my mid 30's ,got married to this man in his mid 40's who has never been married before.We attend the same church although different branches, so the pastor of his branch and the pastor of my branch brought us together. We started dating and he seemed head over heels and started talking about marriage immediately. At first, the way he was talking and his reaction to things I wasn't interested and I even told him, but he begged me and the pastor begged me so I overlooked and continued especially considering my age. If I wasn't in my mid 30's and if I hadn't done fibroid operation and so, eager to take in, I won't have made this terrible mistake. We also work in the same place so everything seemed perfect.

Now we started making wedding plans just after one month of dating and we got married 4months after because of church process. It seemed blissful but I stumbled on his messages with a lady he was saying before me and eventually at the same time with me. I discovered he kept begging n begging her even while me n him were dating .he kept telling her to agree to attend his church or dey can be going to their separate churches but the girl kept insisting that they should attend the same church. I. e. he should leave his church and she will leave hers. Don't get me wrong, if this had happened before we started dating, I wouldn't have gotten angry. but all these happened while we were serious and even after he came to see my father, I discovered he was still pleading with her as per church matter. Who does that?? So what if she had agreed for the church matter, he would have dumped me n embarrassed my dad??

I brought it to his notice and he kept saying he never meant it, he was just using it as an excuse not to marry her.

Now in the marriage, emotional abuse never ends. Just fewonths into the marriage, he started behaving somehow bcoz I hadn't taken in. all kinds of insults oh. one day, he said if he knew I couldn't have children he won't have married me. this was just 4months into d marriage. any little thing he complains. on weekends, he expects me to get up by 7am m start preparing his breakfast oh. weekend which is supposed to b for resting since we work Monday to Friday. Every little thing, he keeps saying if he knew he won't have married me.
I still remember how he slapped me several times, he insulted me n i insulted him back, that was what caused d slap. even when he saw me crying he wasn't moved. I have complained to family members and friends ,they have spoken to him, he will change for a while and later go back to his terrible ways.
I have never seen this kind of acrimony between couple. I am not a bad looking person, I have dated people in d past, they didn't treat me half as badly as this one. I was just too unserious. I want to leave this torture. but we work in the same place and I am trying to avoid wagging tongues. I just tired. I have seen and experienced mutual love and it's not like this. I long to share love with someone that loves me just the way I am. I don't deserve to be with this animal. When it comes to food, he eats so angry if his food isn't ready on time.

Please I need advice. he went for test n it was discovered he has low sperm count. that made him humble for some fine but recently he started saying again that if he had married a younger lady, d lady would have been pregnant by now. just imagine this kind of torture. God knows I have absorbed so much from this man

Report him to the pastor he brought to you that first time. If he doesn't change, please divorce him and move on with your life before you end up 6 feet's under the ground

All I know is that I'm available, i dont mind remnants

What kind of marriage did you contract. Statutory or Traditional?

You need to seek legal advice asap.
You sound very intelligent, so I am surprised you fell for this "my pastor begged me crap".

When you are ready to take action, reach out to us at hawkviewattorneys@gmail.com.

Kind regards.

All the best.

Always summarise your stories before posting, this is the time most of us returns from work. No time for long stories.

eni4real:
like how old are you talking about here
Your mindset reeks of entitlement bro

Entitlement? Is that a new word you learnt?
What exactly was I entitled about?

*it seems this night is not going to be boring after all. I have a clown on my tail *

Hello,

Sorry about your abusive and emotional truma you are presently going through this is a lesson to all singles ladies and guys, dont pity a sister or a brother to marry them you would regret your decision for the rest of your life, love is never blind but emotion, love with your head not your heart....its either you exit the marriage or you both work it out by going for counseling Pastors are humans and are always prone to wrong advised mismatch you are learning in the hardway!!!!

youngest85:
I stopped reading when I read ' he begged me and pastor begged me'
They begged you to embark on a life time journey in which you are not interested in partner?

and me too what all ds guys calling themselves pastors have done to people....even Satan dey fear

Chiefochiefo:
Always summarise your stories before posting, this is the time most of us returns from work. No time for long stories.

she force you to read?

Hmmm..... I'm trying to figure how you been in relationships but decided to not date...but marry a stranger. Is it you have soooo much faith in your pastor?.... that you must do why he says? You need to go back to him.... afterall... he is the one that put you two together... he is the one that should now be doing the advising....let him finish what he started.

Elesta:
Hello family, I have a long post about my terrible marriage. Please bear with me, I just have to pour everything out because it's killing me slowly.
I am in my mid 30's ,got married to this man in his mid 40's who has never been married before.We attend the same church although different branches, so the pastor of his branch and the pastor of my branch brought us together. We started dating and he seemed head over heels and started talking about marriage immediately. At first, the way he was talking and his reaction to things I wasn't interested and I even told him, but he begged me and the pastor begged me so I overlooked and continued especially considering my age. If I wasn't in my mid 30's and if I hadn't done fibroid operation and so, eager to take in, I won't have made this terrible mistake. We also work in the same place so everything seemed perfect.

Now we started making wedding plans just after one month of dating and we got married 4months after because of church process. It seemed blissful but I stumbled on his messages with a lady he was saying before me and eventually at the same time with me. I discovered he kept begging n begging her even while me n him were dating .he kept telling her to agree to attend his church or dey can be going to their separate churches but the girl kept insisting that they should attend the same church. I. e. he should leave his church and she will leave hers. Don't get me wrong, if this had happened before we started dating, I wouldn't have gotten angry. but all these happened while we were serious and even after he came to see my father, I discovered he was still pleading with her as per church matter. Who does that?? So what if she had agreed for the church matter, he would have dumped me n embarrassed my dad??

I brought it to his notice and he kept saying he never meant it, he was just using it as an excuse not to marry her.

Now in the marriage, emotional abuse never ends. Just fewonths into the marriage, he started behaving somehow bcoz I hadn't taken in. all kinds of insults oh. one day, he said if he knew I couldn't have children he won't have married me. this was just 4months into d marriage. any little thing he complains. on weekends, he expects me to get up by 7am m start preparing his breakfast oh. weekend which is supposed to b for resting since we work Monday to Friday. Every little thing, he keeps saying if he knew he won't have married me.
I still remember how he slapped me several times, he insulted me n i insulted him back, that was what caused d slap. even when he saw me crying he wasn't moved. I have complained to family members and friends ,they have spoken to him, he will change for a while and later go back to his terrible ways.
I have never seen this kind of acrimony between couple. I am not a bad looking person, I have dated people in d past, they didn't treat me half as badly as this one. I was just too unserious. I want to leave this torture. but we work in the same place and I am trying to avoid wagging tongues. I just tired. I have seen and experienced mutual love and it's not like this. I long to share love with someone that loves me just the way I am. I don't deserve to be with this animal. When it comes to food, he eats so angry if his food isn't ready on time.

Please I need advice. he went for test n it was discovered he has low sperm count. that made him humble for some fine but recently he started saying again that if he had married a younger lady, d lady would have been pregnant by now. just imagine this kind of torture. God knows I have absorbed so much from this man

I have read your messages and I have few advice for you

I am not blaming you for what happened but I am blaming the society that doesn't want women to be unmarried

They believe every woman should be married whether you like it or not

Now for you to remain in that marriage and be happy is doubtful

Relax yourself and plan on how to live your normal life with out that man

Behave as if nothing happens, just keep looking at his attitudes and save money for the next move

When I say save money, I mean start planning by reducing cost and save money

That rainny day is coming and when it comes, you would have been prepared for it

Don't be in a hurry to have children or in a hurry to get married because of age, good health and happiness should be your priority.

All those things that you are desperate off can only come from God and with God's approval

It's better you are leaving alone and have peace of mind than leaving with a beast that have no feelings or regards for you

Am sorry to say that your husband is a low life man

He doesn't value anyone and wants the best attention and affection even when he had nothing to offer

When you are fed up of staying with him, pls move out peacefully

Forget about what people will say, if you keep listening to what people will say, you will never ever do anything right for yourself

There is a guy out there that will love you to a fault

Dhotseal:
What kind of marriage did you contract. Statutory or Traditional?

You need to seek legal advice asap.
You sound very intelligent, so I am surprised you fell for this "my pastor begged me crap".

When you are ready to take action, reach out to us at hawkviewattorneys@gmail.com.

Kind regards.

All the best.

thank you. will contact you

The problem is the church, all they want is just for people to get married. I am sure there are many decisions you would have taken before the marrage but because of the expectations from the church, you kept quite and hope for the best, my sister, just do what will give you peace

TSRC:
Entitlement? Is that a new word you learnt?
What exactly was I entitled about?

*it seems this night is not going to be boring after all. I have a clown on my tail *

See this bro.
Clown?? How

You even expected her to act in certain ways, to give eye contact in certain ways. It is not compulsory. And you don't know how old she is, her personality, if she is on her period, if something was bothering her. You can't just conclude that she is freaked by her youth and beauty.. Or what have you!!
Bro Youth leader, hope you get me now??

sisisioge:
Dearest Lord in heaven...show this lady mercy!

Aunty, don't let him kill you, don't let him waste you time. In fact, why would you still wanna have children with him sef? Well, think really hard. This is your mess.

Elesta kindly follow any advice our sisisioge tells you here because she is one matured lady who has experience about such things.

Send her a pm so that sisioge can advise you more.

Dhotseal:
What kind of marriage did you contract. Statutory or Traditional?

You need to seek legal advice asap.
You sound very intelligent, so I am surprised you fell for this "my pastor begged me crap".

When you are ready to take action, reach out to us at hawkviewattorneys@gmail.com.

Kind regards.

All the best.

did both statutory and traditional

You have to run away from the marriage as soon as possible. No one deserves a toxic partner. Dump his ass.

Abfinest007:
I got no sympathy for u .what were u doing before u got to ur mid thirties .I guess u chase d serious guys away

De lady is dying emotionally n u are adding more salt to injury.She needs solution to her current predicament in marriage and not a reminder of her past mistakes (if there is any). Don't contribute to someone drinking sniper with ur comment in tym like this...oo.

frozen70:
I have read your messages and I have few advice for you

I am not blaming you for what happened but I am blaming the society that doesn't want women to be unmarried

They believe every woman should be married whether you like it or not

Now for you to remain in that marriage and be happy is doubtful

Relax yourself and plan on how to live your normal life with out that man

Behave as if nothing happens, just keep looking at his attitudes and save money for the next move

When I say save money, I mean start planning by reducing cost and save money

That rainny day is coming and when it comes, you would have been prepared for it

Don't be in a hurry to have children or in a hurry to get married because of age, life and happiness should be your priority.

All those things that you are desperate off can only come from God and with God's approval

It's better you are leaving alone and have peace of mind than leaving with a beast that have no feelings or regards for you

Am sorry to say that your husband is a low life man

He doesn't value anyone and wants the best attention and affection even when he had nothing to offer

When you are feed up of staying with him, plsove out peacefully

Forget about what people will say, if you krrp listening to what people will say, you will never ever do anything write for yourself

There is a guy out there that will love you to a fault

Thank you very much. I know I am very capable of being loved right that's y I frowned at his behaviour right from time. Thanks for your advice. I am looking at leaving d country if I get a visa

Abfinest007:
I got no sympathy for u .what were u doing before u got to ur mid thirties .I guess u chase d serious guys away

God bless you for this comment, anyday you come Warri beep me make I give u 2 bottles of Cold Odeku

Op, do not stay in a toxic relationship because of what people will say. I always tell anyone who care to listen, 'don't sabotage yourself because of what people will say. What they say is not your business. Your business is to be happy. Everything else is immaterial.

TSRC:
Entitlement? Is that a new word you learnt?
What exactly was I entitled about?

*it seems this night is not going to be boring after all. I have a clown on my tail *

Yes you are obviously entitled and very bitter

CanineOfJackal:
Elesta kindly follow any advice our sisisioge tells you here because she is one matured lady who has experience about such things.

Send her a pm so that sisioge can advise you more.

OK. thanks

Sister this is unfortunate but you are the cause of all this to allow your pastors to push you into this mess, my advice to you is that it is too early now for you to leave that marriage because it will be too late if you have a child with this animal called himself husband, you still have a bright future, quit the marriage, a word is enough for the wise

Elesta:
Hello family, I have a long post about my terrible marriage. Please bear with me, I just have to pour everything out because it's killing me slowly.
I am in my mid 30's ,got married to this man in his mid 40's who has never been married before.We attend the same church although different branches, so the pastor of his branch and the pastor of my branch brought us together. We started dating and he seemed head over heels and started talking about marriage immediately. At first, the way he was talking and his reaction to things I wasn't interested and I even told him, but he begged me and the pastor begged me so I overlooked and continued especially considering my age. If I wasn't in my mid 30's and if I hadn't done fibroid operation and so, eager to take in, I won't have made this terrible mistake. We also work in the same place so everything seemed perfect.

Now we started making wedding plans just after one month of dating and we got married 4months after because of church process. It seemed blissful but I stumbled on his messages with a lady he was saying before me and eventually at the same time with me. I discovered he kept begging n begging her even while me n him were dating .he kept telling her to agree to attend his church or dey can be going to their separate churches but the girl kept insisting that they should attend the same church. I. e. he should leave his church and she will leave hers. Don't get me wrong, if this had happened before we started dating, I wouldn't have gotten angry. but all these happened while we were serious and even after he came to see my father, I discovered he was still pleading with her as per church matter. Who does that?? So what if she had agreed for the church matter, he would have dumped me n embarrassed my dad??

I brought it to his notice and he kept saying he never meant it, he was just using it as an excuse not to marry her.

Now in the marriage, emotional abuse never ends. Just fewonths into the marriage, he started behaving somehow bcoz I hadn't taken in. all kinds of insults oh. one day, he said if he knew I couldn't have children he won't have married me. this was just 4months into d marriage. any little thing he complains. on weekends, he expects me to get up by 7am m start preparing his breakfast oh. weekend which is supposed to b for resting since we work Monday to Friday. Every little thing, he keeps saying if he knew he won't have married me.
I still remember how he slapped me several times, he insulted me n i insulted him back, that was what caused d slap. even when he saw me crying he wasn't moved. I have complained to family members and friends ,they have spoken to him, he will change for a while and later go back to his terrible ways.
I have never seen this kind of acrimony between couple. I am not a bad looking person, I have dated people in d past, they didn't treat me half as badly as this one. I was just too unserious. I want to leave this torture. but we work in the same place and I am trying to avoid wagging tongues. I just tired. I have seen and experienced mutual love and it's not like this. I long to share love with someone that loves me just the way I am. I don't deserve to be with this animal. When it comes to food, he eats so angry if his food isn't ready on time.

Please I need advice. he went for test n it was discovered he has low sperm count. that made him humble for some fine but recently he started saying again that if he had married a younger lady, d lady would have been pregnant by now. just imagine this kind of torture. God knows I have absorbed so much from this man

I strictly don't advice couple to divorce. Its a wrong thing to do. From your explanation, it means both of you are not a true born again Christians.
Since you have adhered to your pastor and entered into a covenant (Marriage) with someone you are yet to know deeply, I suggest the following:
1. Accept Jesus as your Lord and personal saviour.
2. Change to a good Church that Preaches the word of God.
3. Effectively pray about your marriage especially with Psalms and Mid Night prayers.
4. If you have health issues, met a doctor and solve the problem.
5. Show your husband Love. Ask him for forgiveness and pray for him.
6. Step up in your obligations like doing your house chores, cooking for him etc. Don't also fail at the other room.
7. Call him and ask him things you do to him that hurts him and stop it.
8. Don't ever you involve family and outsiders in anything that has to do with your marriage.
9. Lastly, try and attend the same church with him. Going to different churches can divide a family. Pray always and see what God Almighty will do in your marriage. I wish you the very best.