₦airaland Forum

eni4real:
See this bro.
Clown?? How

You even expected her to act in certain ways, to give eye contact in certain ways. It is not compulsory. And you don't know how old she is, her personality, if she is on her period, if something was bothering her. You can't just conclude that she is freaked by her youth and beauty.. Or what have you!!
Bro Youth leader, hope you get me now??

I don't know how old she is? And how could you possibly know that?
I don't know her personality? How could you possibiliy know that?
Any personality that is rooted in arrogance should be discarded.

The proper attitude of any human being anywhere in the world when talking with someone in a higher office is to give proper eye contact with decorum and humility.
Fidgeting and pressing the phone while being spoken to is not a sign of a decent human being.

If your character is like that of the lady I describe, then change it, asap.

ibkayee:
Yes you are obviously entitled and very bitter

Smiles

Elesta:
Hello family, I have a long post about my terrible marriage. Please bear with me, I just have to pour everything out because it's killing me slowly.
I am in my mid 30's ,got married to this man in his mid 40's who has never been married before.We attend the same church although different branches, so the pastor of his branch and the pastor of my branch brought us together. We started dating and he seemed head over heels and started talking about marriage immediately. At first, the way he was talking and his reaction to things I wasn't interested and I even told him, but he begged me and the pastor begged me so I overlooked and continued especially considering my age. If I wasn't in my mid 30's and if I hadn't done fibroid operation and so, eager to take in, I won't have made this terrible mistake. We also work in the same place so everything seemed perfect.

Now we started making wedding plans just after one month of dating and we got married 4months after because of church process. It seemed blissful but I stumbled on his messages with a lady he was saying before me and eventually at the same time with me. I discovered he kept begging n begging her even while me n him were dating .he kept telling her to agree to attend his church or dey can be going to their separate churches but the girl kept insisting that they should attend the same church. I. e. he should leave his church and she will leave hers. Don't get me wrong, if this had happened before we started dating, I wouldn't have gotten angry. but all these happened while we were serious and even after he came to see my father, I discovered he was still pleading with her as per church matter. Who does that?? So what if she had agreed for the church matter, he would have dumped me n embarrassed my dad??

I brought it to his notice and he kept saying he never meant it, he was just using it as an excuse not to marry her.

Now in the marriage, emotional abuse never ends. Just fewonths into the marriage, he started behaving somehow bcoz I hadn't taken in. all kinds of insults oh. one day, he said if he knew I couldn't have children he won't have married me. this was just 4months into d marriage. any little thing he complains. on weekends, he expects me to get up by 7am m start preparing his breakfast oh. weekend which is supposed to b for resting since we work Monday to Friday. Every little thing, he keeps saying if he knew he won't have married me.
I still remember how he slapped me several times, he insulted me n i insulted him back, that was what caused d slap. even when he saw me crying he wasn't moved. I have complained to family members and friends ,they have spoken to him, he will change for a while and later go back to his terrible ways.
I have never seen this kind of acrimony between couple. I am not a bad looking person, I have dated people in d past, they didn't treat me half as badly as this one. I was just too unserious. I want to leave this torture. but we work in the same place and I am trying to avoid wagging tongues. I just tired. I have seen and experienced mutual love and it's not like this. I long to share love with someone that loves me just the way I am. I don't deserve to be with this animal. When it comes to food, he eats so angry if his food isn't ready on time.

Please I need advice. he went for test n it was discovered he has low sperm count. that made him humble for some fine but recently he started saying again that if he had married a younger lady, d lady would have been pregnant by now. just imagine this kind of torture. God knows I have absorbed so much from this man

i feel your pains sis,its advisable to quit "church" or change the church you attend,you need to reason more from a human perspective and not religious perspective .That man will never change ,he doesn't respect you at all ,even though you give him kids he won't still respect you.The best thing to do is to go separate ways for the time being though i doubt if he's going to change.From the way you described him he looks unreasonable and unwise.I fear he may one day 'end' you,Godforbid sha.I just hope you have your own source of livelihood and not dependent on his ,that's the most important thing.The most important thing is change that stupid branch or church you attend if possible don't go to church for the rest of the year ,don't involve those pastors in your marriage they will only side with your husband and not you.If you want to live long take this my advice .

eni4real:
like how old are you talking about here
Your mindset reeks of entitlement bro

exactly lol!not like Man is her dad or uncle or something!the high horse is not mostly necessary!

LilMissFavvy:
What was the old cargo of a guy doing as well? He married her in his late fourties when all his youthful strength is gone, and low sperm count/weak erection has set in.

Just to add to what you have said, and after wasting his youth ful exuberances, he wants children by fire by force, not knowing he has donated his valuable sperm cells to the gods..... RUBBISH MAN, I FEEL LIKE SPITTING ON HIS FACE

LilMissFavvy:
If he isn't beating you, I would have said you should stay married, and save money for IVF. How long can you condone a man hitting you in the name of marriage? He has low sperm count yet still maltreating a woman, he is a joke. Don't you ever quit your job. You aren't the first or last couple with a bitter marriage. wether you stay in the marriage or not, don't allow the issue of ''what colleagues will say'' to make you quit your source of livelihood, except you are sure of finding another job. No wonder he was single even in his fourties.

Ma'am, that guy no get joy. Him go beat am die one day o. The ones when dem Don put for mog, dem no imagine say e go reach that level o.

Sis OP, sorry about your sitaution. Cut your losses and gets the eff outta there. A husband who believes he has done you a favor by marrying you will never get enough value for his make-belief sacrifice. From your description, you are dealing with a narcissist. You don't want to stick around too long because like someone mentioned earlier, they will try to break you, make you believe you are nothing without them, isolate you and so on.

You guys working together will not be easy after you leave but try as best to be civil and if him think say he be 'werey', u sef must unleash the dragon in you.

Finally, I hope you meet someone who is actually worth your time and patience. No one is perfect but there are definitely better men out there.

ibkayee:
Yes you are obviously entitled and very bitter

OK.
I don't know you. I have noticed you now.

Carlyboi:
exactly lol!not like Man is her dad or uncle or something!the high horse is not mostly necessary here!

Smiles

Elesta:
Hello family, I have a long post about my terrible marriage. Please bear with me, I just have to pour everything out because it's killing me slowly.
I am in my mid 30's ,got married to this man in his mid 40's who has never been married before.We attend the same church although different branches, so the pastor of his branch and the pastor of my branch brought us together. We started dating and he seemed head over heels and started talking about marriage immediately. At first, the way he was talking and his reaction to things I wasn't interested and I even told him, but he begged me and the pastor begged me so I overlooked and continued especially considering my age. If I wasn't in my mid 30's and if I hadn't done fibroid operation and so, eager to take in, I won't have made this terrible mistake. We also work in the same place so everything seemed perfect.

Now we started making wedding plans just after one month of dating and we got married 4months after because of church process. It seemed blissful but I stumbled on his messages with a lady he was saying before me and eventually at the same time with me. I discovered he kept begging n begging her even while me n him were dating .he kept telling her to agree to attend his church or dey can be going to their separate churches but the girl kept insisting that they should attend the same church. I. e. he should leave his church and she will leave hers. Don't get me wrong, if this had happened before we started dating, I wouldn't have gotten angry. but all these happened while we were serious and even after he came to see my father, I discovered he was still pleading with her as per church matter. Who does that?? So what if she had agreed for the church matter, he would have dumped me n embarrassed my dad??

I brought it to his notice and he kept saying he never meant it, he was just using it as an excuse not to marry her.

Now in the marriage, emotional abuse never ends. Just fewonths into the marriage, he started behaving somehow bcoz I hadn't taken in. all kinds of insults oh. one day, he said if he knew I couldn't have children he won't have married me. this was just 4months into d marriage. any little thing he complains. on weekends, he expects me to get up by 7am m start preparing his breakfast oh. weekend which is supposed to b for resting since we work Monday to Friday. Every little thing, he keeps saying if he knew he won't have married me.
I still remember how he slapped me several times, he insulted me n i insulted him back, that was what caused d slap. even when he saw me crying he wasn't moved. I have complained to family members and friends ,they have spoken to him, he will change for a while and later go back to his terrible ways.
I have never seen this kind of acrimony between couple. I am not a bad looking person, I have dated people in d past, they didn't treat me half as badly as this one. I was just too unserious. I want to leave this torture. but we work in the same place and I am trying to avoid wagging tongues. I just tired. I have seen and experienced mutual love and it's not like this. I long to share love with someone that loves me just the way I am. I don't deserve to be with this animal. When it comes to food, he eats so angry if his food isn't ready on time.

Please I need advice. he went for test n it was discovered he has low sperm count. that made him humble for some fine but recently he started saying again that if he had married a younger lady, d lady would have been pregnant by now. just imagine this kind of torture. God knows I have absorbed so much from this man

In as much as I'm judging from ur own side of d stories, I would like to say he has an attitudinal problem but u also are a bit disrespectful, unless u are not fit ( healthy), I do not see a reason why ur husband should remind to cook by by 7 AM . u can cook by 7am n then take a rest by 9-10am . I want to fault him for his abusive way over not making babies right away , Even if it entirely ur fault which is not . now u are inseparable, pls do not advice anybody to marry on d account of begging by pastor or whosoever, marry only when u are in love .

eni4real:
Smiles

Lol surprised you told him the truth

My dear, some posts we see daily shows how bad marriages have gotten. May God help women.

UnknownQueen:
Just to add to what you have said, and after wasting his youth ful exuberances, he wants children by fire by force, not knowing he has donated his valuable sperm cells to the gods..... RUBBISH MAN, I FEEL LIKE SPITTING ON HIS FACE

guywitzerogal:
she force you to read?

Jobless Nigerian youth

My sister that guys heart is made up and he really feels he has nothing special to benefits from yu anymore as yur age doesn't suits his old age dream

In his calculation he believes by the next 4 years yu ar already an old woman nd he still want to enjoy or experience fresh blood rather than what he is undergojng



That guy attitude can only get worst believe me bcs his mind is made up to enjoy a younger girls


Solutions is to for yu to endure more of his madness or yu walk away with hope to see a married or divorced man that can marry yu


Only a married or divorced man can marry yu for who yu without looking back

ibkayee:
Lol surprised you told him the truth

There are many kinds of truths.

Nigeria is more developed than America is a true statement in some quarters.

TSRC:
There are many kinds of truths.

Nigeria is more developed than America is a true statement in some quarters.

In foolishness, yes

addictedwriter:
have dated people in d past, they didn't treat me half as badly as this one. I was just too unserious.....
ur statement above was one of ur greatest undoing. I still don't understand wat u ladies gain from being not serious with those who wanted u. Guys r wising up now, u do shakara as a woman to a serious man, u end up being a laughing stock to the serious men u rejected.. So sad!!!!

No, don't blame her.
Somebody said it is her personality.

ibkayee:
In foolishness, yes

I laugh.

TSRC:
I don't know how old she is? And how could you possibly know that?
I don't know her personality? How could you possibiliy know that?
Any personality that is rooted in arrogance should be discarded.

The proper attitude of any human being anywhere in the world when talking with someone in a higher office is to give proper eye contact with decorum and humility.
Fidgeting and pressing the phone while being spoken to is not a sign of a decent human being.

If your character is like that of the lady I describe, then change it, asap.

Higher office?? Bro, you need to calm down!
All these entitlements are not necessary in the house of God!
She was not there for a job interview ... You can't set criteria for her
You are just asking for her wellbeing.
If she responded well, fine.
If she did not respond well, it doesn't matter. You meant well. And I am sure someone else will respond well..
Don't tag anybody as arrogant because of that. We are different. We can't have the same personalities.
That is why you are a leader.... to manage different personalities effectively!

TSRC:
I laugh.

Me also

Let me just read comments, because if I should type what's on my mind now....



But just know that you deserve every treatment you're getting from that man.

he insulted you and you insulted him back when you know say you no get power to beat am? Anyhow sha. I will give my advice later.

Woman you are actually foolish... The way you sounding about the entire issue shows you are not ready to settle down. Societal pressure forced you into something you didn't want and instead of you to use wisdom you are throwing in the towel.. Do you think things will change with another man? You are a vindictive person and come across dangerous.. It will even benefit the man to marry some other person.. And BTW I don't think you saying the whole truth, there are some twist in the story.

ibkayee:
Lol surprised you told him the truth

I couldn't hold it.

What a very sad story, people marry for the wrong reasons

Elesta:
I cooked rice d previous evening and I told him to please just warm it in d morning since he likes eating early, that was another problem ohmhe said, how can I b telling him to warm food.Imagine.I am living with a lunatic

You gotta breathe... Let go of the ego. Life is simply simple. I'm sure there's a solution to all these. You guys can use the Banana therapy to boost your fertility level. For early cooking, you can do it or simply buy sleeping tea and give to him so he can sleep longer and thereby increase ur sleep time.

No one is perfect, try to work through it all and if it doesn't improve, you can quietly exit.

Elesta:
I cooked rice d previous evening and I told him to please just warm it in d morning since he likes eating early, that was another problem ohmhe said, how can I b telling him to warm food.Imagine.I am living with a lunatic

hahahaha


Uself no well ooooo

youngest85:
I stopped reading when I read ' he begged me and pastor begged me'
They begged you to embark on a life time journey in which you are not interested in partner?

I tire, these religious people ehn.

Elesta:
Very good question oh. I have actually left several times but family members and pastors usually settle the matter,but I know I have had enough. d moment I able to rent an apartment, I will certainly leave and we will work out the divorce from there

Don't divorce him yet but I will advice you to as quickly as possible leave your house to another place but the motive shouldn't be divorce... Give him time to stay alone to see if he will come back to his senses... When he comes begging you give him the final condition that any day he hits you , you will leave his life... As for the insults, you said it all... He is suffering from chronic inferiority complex...

Elesta:
I cooked rice d previous evening and I told him to please just warm it in d morning since he likes eating early, that was another problem ohmhe said, how can I b telling him to warm food.Imagine.I am living with a lunatic

Auntie, if you continue living with this devil just know that when you die through him, you killed yourself.

Just leave now that you still have some youth and health left in you.

Ignore anyone that tells you to stay and pray. You have already been clearly shown that you live with a devil. You don't need any prayer anymore about this matter

Elesta:
Hello family, I have a long post about my terrible marriage. Please bear with me, I just have to pour everything out because it's killing me slowly.
I am in my mid 30's ,got married to this man in his mid 40's who has never been married before.We attend the same church although different branches, so the pastor of his branch and the pastor of my branch brought us together. We started dating and he seemed head over heels and started talking about marriage immediately. At first, the way he was talking and his reaction to things I wasn't interested and I even told him, but he begged me and the pastor begged me so I overlooked and continued especially considering my age. If I wasn't in my mid 30's and if I hadn't done fibroid operation and so, eager to take in, I won't have made this terrible mistake. We also work in the same place so everything seemed perfect.

Now we started making wedding plans just after one month of dating and we got married 4months after because of church process. It seemed blissful but I stumbled on his messages with a lady he was saying before me and eventually at the same time with me. I discovered he kept begging n begging her even while me n him were dating .he kept telling her to agree to attend his church or dey can be going to their separate churches but the girl kept insisting that they should attend the same church. I. e. he should leave his church and she will leave hers. Don't get me wrong, if this had happened before we started dating, I wouldn't have gotten angry. but all these happened while we were serious and even after he came to see my father, I discovered he was still pleading with her as per church matter. Who does that?? So what if she had agreed for the church matter, he would have dumped me n embarrassed my dad??

I brought it to his notice and he kept saying he never meant it, he was just using it as an excuse not to marry her.

Now in the marriage, emotional abuse never ends. Just fewonths into the marriage, he started behaving somehow bcoz I hadn't taken in. all kinds of insults oh. one day, he said if he knew I couldn't have children he won't have married me. this was just 4months into d marriage. any little thing he complains. on weekends, he expects me to get up by 7am m start preparing his breakfast oh. weekend which is supposed to b for resting since we work Monday to Friday. Every little thing, he keeps saying if he knew he won't have married me.
I still remember how he slapped me several times, he insulted me n i insulted him back, that was what caused d slap. even when he saw me crying he wasn't moved. I have complained to family members and friends ,they have spoken to him, he will change for a while and later go back to his terrible ways.
I have never seen this kind of acrimony between couple. I am not a bad looking person, I have dated people in d past, they didn't treat me half as badly as this one. I was just too unserious. I want to leave this torture. but we work in the same place and I am trying to avoid wagging tongues. I just tired. I have seen and experienced mutual love and it's not like this. I long to share love with someone that loves me just the way I am. I don't deserve to be with this animal. When it comes to food, he eats so angry if his food isn't ready on time.

Please I need advice. he went for test n it was discovered he has low sperm count. that made him humble for some fine but recently he started saying again that if he had married a younger lady, d lady would have been pregnant by now. just imagine this kind of torture. God knows I have absorbed so much from this man

Marriage is not by force, if it's not working..... Walk away....

Are you concerned about how people would view your failed marriage?

They are not the one's involved in this situationship, but you.......

Marriage is about Love & Emotions and caring..... All this vital ingredients are missing from your situationship.....

The moment violence resides in a marriage, it's best to walk out alive, than carried out dead.....

Why can't he prepare his own meals? Did he marry a wife or slave.........