₦airaland Forum

@Op I ain't supporting you on this one. Try and be humble cos I'm sure you simply ain't humble. Work with your husband, he paid ur dowry and also d breadwinner. Plus you need to pray!


Go Watch War Room and be wise.

Elesta:
Hello family, I have a long post about my terrible marriage. Please bear with me, I just have to pour everything out because it's killing me slowly.
I am in my mid 30's ,got married to this man in his mid 40's who has never been married before.We attend the same church although different branches, so the pastor of his branch and the pastor of my branch brought us together. We started dating and he seemed head over heels and started talking about marriage immediately. At first, the way he was talking and his reaction to things I wasn't interested and I even told him, but he begged me and the pastor begged me so I overlooked and continued especially considering my age. If I wasn't in my mid 30's and if I hadn't done fibroid operation and so, eager to take in, I won't have made this terrible mistake. We also work in the same place so everything seemed perfect.

Now we started making wedding plans just after one month of dating and we got married 4months after because of church process. It seemed blissful but I stumbled on his messages with a lady he was saying before me and eventually at the same time with me. I discovered he kept begging n begging her even while me n him were dating .he kept telling her to agree to attend his church or dey can be going to their separate churches but the girl kept insisting that they should attend the same church. I. e. he should leave his church and she will leave hers. Don't get me wrong, if this had happened before we started dating, I wouldn't have gotten angry. but all these happened while we were serious and even after he came to see my father, I discovered he was still pleading with her as per church matter. Who does that?? So what if she had agreed for the church matter, he would have dumped me n embarrassed my dad??

I brought it to his notice and he kept saying he never meant it, he was just using it as an excuse not to marry her.

Now in the marriage, emotional abuse never ends. Just fewonths into the marriage, he started behaving somehow bcoz I hadn't taken in. all kinds of insults oh. one day, he said if he knew I couldn't have children he won't have married me. this was just 4months into d marriage. any little thing he complains. on weekends, he expects me to get up by 7am m start preparing his breakfast oh. weekend which is supposed to b for resting since we work Monday to Friday. Every little thing, he keeps saying if he knew he won't have married me.
I still remember how he slapped me several times, he insulted me n i insulted him back, that was what caused d slap. even when he saw me crying he wasn't moved. I have complained to family members and friends ,they have spoken to him, he will change for a while and later go back to his terrible ways.
I have never seen this kind of acrimony between couple. I am not a bad looking person, I have dated people in d past, they didn't treat me half as badly as this one. I was just too unserious. I want to leave this torture. but we work in the same place and I am trying to avoid wagging tongues. I just tired. I have seen and experienced mutual love and it's not like this. I long to share love with someone that loves me just the way I am. I don't deserve to be with this animal. When it comes to food, he eats so angry if his food isn't ready on time.

Please I need advice. he went for test n it was discovered he has low sperm count. that made him humble for some fine but recently he started saying again that if he had married a younger lady, d lady would have been pregnant by now. just imagine this kind of torture. God knows I have absorbed so much from this man

Although what you're going through might be difficult, I'd advise you to be patient, try to understand yourselves, work things out and come to a compromise .

Since you rushed into the union and didn't get to know each other very well, things like these are bound to happen .
Again, be patient with him and respect him, I believe he'll change for the better . ( your case is not that bad believe me )

7:00am is not too early to ask for his breakfast...it's just that you're not used to it, that's why you felt like you're being ordered around .

Elesta:
Yes oh

I have been reading ur response, thenproblem might even be from u, u boldly called ur husband a lunatic here nawah o

LordKO:
@OP

If not that you don't seem ready to hear the truth or make the marriage work, I'd have given you a feasible solution. Both of you are wrong.

Form her comments, u will understand she no wan make the marriage work atall

eni4real:
Higher office?? Bro, you need to calm down!
All these entitlements are not necessary in the house of God!
She was not there for a job interview ... You can't set criteria for her
You are just asking for her wellbeing.
If she responded well, fine.
If she did not respond well, it doesn't matter. You meant well. And I am sure someone else will respond well..
Don't tag anybody as arrogant because of that. We are different. We can't have the same personalities.
That is why you are a leader.... to manage different personalities effectively!

Alright.
It seems you have a problem with comprehension.

Respon

eni4real:
Higher office?? Bro, you need to calm down!
All these entitlements are not necessary in the house of God!
She was not there for a job interview ... You can't set criteria for her
You are just asking for her wellbeing.
If she responded well, fine.
If she did not respond well, it doesn't matter. You meant well. And I am sure someone else will respond well..
Don't tag anybody as arrogant because of that. We are different. We can't have the same personalities.
That is why you are a leader.... to manage different personalities effectively!

Alright.
It seems you have a problem with comprehension, or maybe you have the same character flaw.

Responding like a human being when spoken to by someone in a higher office(and yes, it is a higher office) is not just a requirement in job application.
It is a basic human principle. I deal with people everyday.

And where exactly did I tell you I arrested her for behaving like an ass?
I only said I was just looking at her. Which is not a crime the last time I checked.

I drew my inference just like Any human being would, and made a rational conclusion that she is an ass.
She doesn't even know what I think. It doesn't even matter to me much.
I only brought the story here because it is relevant to the topic.

Now focus on the topic at hand and stop playing like fake Dr Phil.

I really don't know how some people are wired.

Una dey try o.

So because of fibroid and ticking biological clock, you dated a stranger for just one month, 'married', then started opening leg for a STRANGER!

How were you able to do it without cringing?

Because of one quack pastor?

Hmn!!!

Anyways, the writing is on the wall. The foundation you both laid was a very weak one...all done out of desperation.
He was even deceitful with his double dating.

The situation is even more complex now that your 'horseband' has low sperm count and is still deluded.

If you are all about having kids and you feel leaving the 'marriage' empty handed is not an option, you can stick around till a miracle happens and you take in. Then discard him with his annoying personality and midlife crises issues.

But I know I can't breed with someone I hate.

The decision is yours.

bukatyne:
Do you want solutions you can try to improve things or do you want NL to help you hang your husband?

I think it is the latter.

I am telling you straight up without mincing words..Divorce his murdafuccking stupid ass..Dont even think about it..Just go file a divorce..I hope you were joined in court sha...He isnt worth it one bit!

Have you gone back to update your pastors that begged you of the current situation? What did they do?

Elesta:
very very well without him. I am not ugly, I am not a bad person, neither am I eating from hand to mouth. I really can't wait to divorce him

Elesta:
Thank you so much. Each time I threaten to pack out of the house, you need to see the way he will start begging and even call people to beg me. I think he has a serious psychological problem. Chronic inferiority complex has affected him so much, it's now psychological. He doesn't have parents anymore but his elder brother is very reasonable and always scolds him when I report him. I need to talk to him. but I am scared of raising children in such an environment .my parents don't want me to leave bcoz of what people will say. I wish I can just travel out. that might b d best option. but getting visa isn't easy. We work in the same place,thats why I haven't left him since bops of plenty talk

abeg ppl will always talk jor...... provided u wouldn't loose ur job.

ibkayee:
Me also

Let's laugh together then.

youngest85:
I stopped reading when I read ' he begged me and pastor begged me'
They begged you to embark on a life time journey in which you are not interested in partner?

Time to blame has gone. She needs to solution. Pls don't compound her problem by blaming her.

TSRC:
Let's laugh together then.

Hio hio hio

I can't pass judgement for hearing only one side of the story,
My advise is go and make your marriage work, no one will do this for you, is only you and God can fixe this,
Don't listen to wrong advise here telling you to divorce your man, the is nothing like perfect or best husband materials don't allow anyone to deceived you, marriage is not a joke is full of challenges sometimes too bitter and sweet.

ibkayee:
Hio hio hio

I give up. You win the laugh war.

Nddnbdn

Dhotseal:
What kind of marriage did you contract. Statutory or Traditional?

You need to seek legal advice asap.
You sound very intelligent, so I am surprised you fell for this "my pastor begged me crap".

When you are ready to take action, reach out to us at hawkviewattorneys@gmail.com.

Kind regards.

All the best.

This one dey try sell market... Hope ure a competent and not a charge and bail wig on gown somebody.

Bdb

TSRC:
Alright.
It seems you have a problem with comprehension.

Respon
Alright.
It seems you have a problem with comprehension, or maybe you have the same character flaw.

Responding like a human being when spoken to by someone in a higher office(and yes, it is a higher office) is not just a requirement in job application.
It is a basic human principle. I deal with people everyday.

And where exactly did I tell you I arrested her for behaving like an ass?
I only said I was just looking at her. Which is not a crime the last time I checked.

I drew my inference just like Any human being would, and made a rational conclusion that she is an ass.
She doesn't even know what I think. It doesn't even matter to me much.
I only brought the story here because it is relevant to the topic.

Now focus on the topic at hand and stop playing like fake Dr Phil.

Bro Youth Leader, accept that you have entitlement issue..
Don't try to explain yourself...
Repent now...

MissR69:
any wise person can see that you are the major cause of whatever bad thing that has happened in your marriage through your post and replies, but many are not going to tell you this because of one reason or another. if you marry another man without changing somethings about you you will have this same experience again. i wish you well in your decision all the same

Hi dearie?

My sister, they are different angles to look at this issue.
First, referring to the low sperm count, you are not bound to remain in a marriage done on deception. But I dont that he deceived you here because he himself was not aware, until he went for a test, unless you are sure he was aware of his issue before the wedding and he hid it from you.
Secondly, If your husband is physically abusing and he has serious issue with anger, my sister, do not wait till he kills you. Run for your life

AwkaetitiBabe:
@Op I ain't supporting you on this one. Try and be humble cos I'm sure you simply ain't humble. Work with your husband, he paid ur dowry and also d breadwinner. Plus you need to pray!


Go Watch War Room and be wise.

Sometimes you talk like someone that does not have sense. But today, you said some things that made sense, except that part you mentioned war room.

koyyes:
I really don't know how some people are wired.

Una dey try o.

So because of fibroid and ticking biological clock, you dated a stranger for just one month, 'married', then started opening leg for a STRANGER!

How were you able to do it without cringing?

Because of one quack pastor?

Hmn!!!

Anyways, the writing is on the wall. The foundation you both laid was a very weak one...all done out of desperation.
He was even deceitful with his double dating.

The situation is even more complex now that your 'horseband' has low sperm count and is still deluded.

If you are all about having kids and you feel leaving the 'marriage' empty handed is not an option, you can stick around till a miracle happens and you take in. Then discard him with his annoying personality and midlife crises issues.

But I know I can't breed with someone I hate.

The decision is yours.

She should wait till the has a kid before leaving so she can be a single mother? It's better and easier for her to leave now that kids aren't in the picture b|c there are no children tieing them together.

MissR69:
any wise person can see that you are the major cause of whatever bad thing that has happened in your marriage through your post and replies, but many are not going to tell you this because of one reason or another. if you marry another man without changing somethings about you you will have this same experience again. i wish you well in your decision all the same

Thank God u saw what I saw, I have read her post and comments here, really am surprised

Sad but, with all due respect i blame ladies for such troubles..

Elesta:
Hello family, I have a long post about my terrible marriage. Please bear with me, I just have to pour everything out because it's killing me slowly.
I am in my mid 30's ,got married to this man in his mid 40's who has never been married before.We attend the same church although different branches, so the pastor of his branch and the pastor of my branch brought us together. We started dating and he seemed head over heels and started talking about marriage immediately. At first, the way he was talking and his reaction to things I wasn't interested and I even told him, but he begged me and the pastor begged me so I overlooked and continued especially considering my age. If I wasn't in my mid 30's and if I hadn't done fibroid operation and so, eager to take in, I won't have made this terrible mistake. We also work in the same place so everything seemed perfect.

Now we started making wedding plans just after one month of dating and we got married 4months after because of church process. It seemed blissful but I stumbled on his messages with a lady he was saying before me and eventually at the same time with me. I discovered he kept begging n begging her even while me n him were dating .he kept telling her to agree to attend his church or dey can be going to their separate churches but the girl kept insisting that they should attend the same church. I. e. he should leave his church and she will leave hers. Don't get me wrong, if this had happened before we started dating, I wouldn't have gotten angry. but all these happened while we were serious and even after he came to see my father, I discovered he was still pleading with her as per church matter. Who does that?? So what if she had agreed for the church matter, he would have dumped me n embarrassed my dad??

I brought it to his notice and he kept saying he never meant it, he was just using it as an excuse not to marry her.

Now in the marriage, emotional abuse never ends. Just fewonths into the marriage, he started behaving somehow bcoz I hadn't taken in. all kinds of insults oh. one day, he said if he knew I couldn't have children he won't have married me. this was just 4months into d marriage. any little thing he complains. on weekends, he expects me to get up by 7am m start preparing his breakfast oh. weekend which is supposed to b for resting since we work Monday to Friday. Every little thing, he keeps saying if he knew he won't have married me.
I still remember how he slapped me several times, he insulted me n i insulted him back, that was what caused d slap. even when he saw me crying he wasn't moved. I have complained to family members and friends ,they have spoken to him, he will change for a while and later go back to his terrible ways.
I have never seen this kind of acrimony between couple. I am not a bad looking person, I have dated people in d past, they didn't treat me half as badly as this one. I was just too unserious. I want to leave this torture. but we work in the same place and I am trying to avoid wagging tongues. I just tired. I have seen and experienced mutual love and it's not like this. I long to share love with someone that loves me just the way I am. I don't deserve to be with this animal. When it comes to food, he eats so angry if his food isn't ready on time.

Please I need advice. he went for test n it was discovered he has low sperm count. that made him humble for some fine but recently he started saying again that if he had married a younger lady, d lady would have been pregnant by now. just imagine this kind of torture. God knows I have absorbed so much from this man

LilMissFavvy:
My dear, some posts we see daily shows how bad marriages have gotten. May God help women.

So it is ONLY WOMEN that are into marriage or suffering from bad marriages and they are ht eonly ones that need help?
So, Men dont also suffer in marriage or have emotions that are being abused?
SMH for all these one-sided opinions.

eni4real:
Bro Youth Leader, accept that you have entitlement issue..
Don't try to explain yourself...
Repent now...

Good.
Now I have finally tamed you of your fake inferences.

If you have a character or "personality" of no regard for authority.
Change it. It will not help you.

sisisioge:
Madam, your own is a dear. The guy apparently loves and cares about you, unlike hers. Biko let me not put my single mouth in your marital issues. It is well.

kikikikikikikiiiii �������@single mouth.De statement funny me die!

theButterfly:
She should wait till the has a kid before leaving so she can be a single mother? It's better and easier for her to leave now that kids aren't in the picture b|c there are no children tieing them together.

We are on the same page here.

But you see, not everyone thinks the same because we all have different priorities.

I clearly stated that I personally cannot breed with someone I hate.

TSRC:
Good.
Now I have finally tamed you of your fake inferences.

If you have a character or "personality" of no regard for authority.
Change it. It will not help you.

Constituted authority
You are not even the pastor ooo
How many years is your tenure as the youth leader??
Too much entitlement!!!

Sister Rose, i blame you for accepting to marry a man that you knew next to nothing about just within one month of you meeting him just because your pastor and his pastor brought the two of you together. That was the first mistake you made, the second mistake was dancing to the tune of the pastors to marry the unknown man, who does that? except some of you so called born again Christians that sees pastors as being next to God and always willing and ready to accept whatever they tell you without using your own mind. I'm very sure brother Sylvanus knew he was having low sperm count before going through his pastor to look for wife and unfortunately you fell for him, that is one of the problems i have with some of these so called pastors, pairing their members together for marriage not minding if they are compatible or not.

It is obvious that you are married to a man that does not deserve you right from day one and so i am going to tell you what you wont like to hear and what many people will not tell you here, leave that man alone and move on with your life, forget about religion and all the bullshiiiiiit about for better for worse, mind you, marriage is a life long relationship, so the question is for how long how are you to live you life in sadness, mystery, with a man that does not appreciate nor truly love you. There are lots of men and women{Christians} hanging on to marriage that is not working and they are not happy in it, but they are holding on to it because of their pastors, religion, families and the fokn society.

Sister Rose i have said my own and it is not every time that i am always this serious on nairaland but you are lucky to hear this from me today because there is full network in my brain today, so take time to ponder over my piece of advice.

cc: enemyofprogress
enemyofpeace
iyangbali
notoriousbaby
dominique
fatymore
lankybaby
vickyrotex
folake4u
funjosh

tradepunter:
Woman you are actually foolish... The way you sounding about the entire issue shows you are not ready to settle down. Societal pressure forced you into something you didn't want and instead of you to use wisdom you are throwing in the towel.. Do you think things will change with another man? You are a vindictive person and come across dangerous.. It will even benefit the man to marry some other person.. And BTW I don't think you saying the whole truth, there are some twist in the story.

I am just curious, how did you come to this conclusion.....l want to know, just out of plain curiosity.