₦airaland Forum

Elesta:
Hello family, I have a long post about my terrible marriage. Please bear with me, I just have to pour everything out because it's killing me slowly.
I am in my mid 30's ,got married to this man in his mid 40's who has never been married before.We attend the same church although different branches, so the pastor of his branch and the pastor of my branch brought us together. We started dating and he seemed head over heels and started talking about marriage immediately. At first, the way he was talking and his reaction to things I wasn't interested and I even told him, but he begged me and the pastor begged me so I overlooked and continued especially considering my age. If I wasn't in my mid 30's and if I hadn't done fibroid operation and so, eager to take in, I won't have made this terrible mistake. We also work in the same place so everything seemed perfect.

Now we started making wedding plans just after one month of dating and we got married 4months after because of church process. It seemed blissful but I stumbled on his messages with a lady he was saying before me and eventually at the same time with me. I discovered he kept begging n begging her even while me n him were dating .he kept telling her to agree to attend his church or dey can be going to their separate churches but the girl kept insisting that they should attend the same church. I. e. he should leave his church and she will leave hers. Don't get me wrong, if this had happened before we started dating, I wouldn't have gotten angry. but all these happened while we were serious and even after he came to see my father, I discovered he was still pleading with her as per church matter. Who does that?? So what if she had agreed for the church matter, he would have dumped me n embarrassed my dad??

I brought it to his notice and he kept saying he never meant it, he was just using it as an excuse not to marry her.

Now in the marriage, emotional abuse never ends. Just fewonths into the marriage, he started behaving somehow bcoz I hadn't taken in. all kinds of insults oh. one day, he said if he knew I couldn't have children he won't have married me. this was just 4months into d marriage. any little thing he complains. on weekends, he expects me to get up by 7am m start preparing his breakfast oh. weekend which is supposed to b for resting since we work Monday to Friday. Every little thing, he keeps saying if he knew he won't have married me.
I still remember how he slapped me several times, he insulted me n i insulted him back, that was what caused d slap. even when he saw me crying he wasn't moved. I have complained to family members and friends ,they have spoken to him, he will change for a while and later go back to his terrible ways.
I have never seen this kind of acrimony between couple. I am not a bad looking person, I have dated people in d past, they didn't treat me half as badly as this one. I was just too unserious. I want to leave this torture. but we work in the same place and I am trying to avoid wagging tongues. I just tired. I have seen and experienced mutual love and it's not like this. I long to share love with someone that loves me just the way I am. I don't deserve to be with this animal. When it comes to food, he eats so angry if his food isn't ready on time.

Please I need advice. he went for test n it was discovered he has low sperm count. that made him humble for some fine but recently he started saying again that if he had married a younger lady, d lady would have been pregnant by now. just imagine this kind of torture. God knows I have absorbed so much from this man

My friend will walk out of that marriage ?! Change church God is every where and get married again simple
Low sperm count and he was putting mental stress on you ? Who do you think will suffer most ? He is a bad man,husband and can't father kids..you biological clock is ticking and you are there .hope you know fibroid regrow ? When

Abfinest007:
I got no sympathy for u .what were u doing before u got to ur mid thirties .I guess u chase d serious guys away

You and all the people that liked your post will meet bitterness .your daughters or you will reach old age no marriage

Nonsense

are telling me that this guy has no advantages in life why talking about his bad life only everybody have bad life even you

BABANGBALI:
you don dey jealous because the babe like me

Jealous of what?
Didn't even view ur comment, only went through all her responses before giving my verdict.

Am not the type that give advice without hearing from both parties.

Calling her husband an Idiot speaks volume about her.

Mustsucceed:
You and all the people that liked your post will meet bitterness .your daughters or you will reach old age no marriage

Nonsense

you are very stupid. the question still remain the same what was she doing during her youthful age

lilmax:
maybe if you were serious during the fruitful time of your life, you wouldn't have been in this situation

one thing that irritates me is unserious girls

anyways, its your burden, figure it out

cus no matter what people tell you here, whatever your minds says, you'll do

they're good lessons to learn from this though

same thing I am going through with my current girlfriend....
I love her so much and I have made plans to marry....her come next year
but she is now acting not interested...

she do tell me she can still wait for years...being that she is 25...

Use him for money rituals!

ufotty2001:
you are very stupid. the question still remain the same what was she doing during her youthful age

Woe unto you .wait and c

theButterfly:
I wouldn't have babies with a verbally, physically and emotionally abusive man either, all of which are descriptive of OP's spouse. God forbid bad thing. What would I even be doing in a marriage w| one in the first place?

Many married women in OP's shoes already have a kid or two, thus stay and live in misery w| the foolish rationale that they're doing the kids a favor. I know an Asian woman who was in a similar situation as OP's. She got married 6-months after meeting her now ex-husband. It took her a while to leave but she's now a single mother w| two little kids. Men like him don't change and the mentality that Nigerians have that having kids in situations like this will change the abusive man is often false and a huge trap.

Dear...it is so painful.
but this is not the best...my Dear.
we really need to take our premarital relationships serious...to be honest

nothing like having a responsible man or woman as your spouse.... divorce is not a good thing and it affects both the man, woman and the baby.....

someone like me will rather marry a baby mama than to marry a divorcee

Elesta:
Hello family, I have a long post about my terrible marriage. Please bear with me, I just have to pour everything out because it's killing me slowly.
I am in my mid 30's ,got married to this man in his mid 40's who has never been married before.We attend the same church although different branches, so the pastor of his branch and the pastor of my branch brought us together. We started dating and he seemed head over heels and started talking about marriage immediately. At first, the way he was talking and his reaction to things I wasn't interested and I even told him, but he begged me and the pastor begged me so I overlooked and continued especially considering my age. If I wasn't in my mid 30's and if I hadn't done fibroid operation and so, eager to take in, I won't have made this terrible mistake. We also work in the same place so everything seemed perfect.

Now we started making wedding plans just after one month of dating and we got married 4months after because of church process. It seemed blissful but I stumbled on his messages with a lady he was saying before me and eventually at the same time with me. I discovered he kept begging n begging her even while me n him were dating .he kept telling her to agree to attend his church or dey can be going to their separate churches but the girl kept insisting that they should attend the same church. I. e. he should leave his church and she will leave hers. Don't get me wrong, if this had happened before we started dating, I wouldn't have gotten angry. but all these happened while we were serious and even after he came to see my father, I discovered he was still pleading with her as per church matter. Who does that?? So what if she had agreed for the church matter, he would have dumped me n embarrassed my dad??

I brought it to his notice and he kept saying he never meant it, he was just using it as an excuse not to marry her.

Now in the marriage, emotional abuse never ends. Just fewonths into the marriage, he started behaving somehow bcoz I hadn't taken in. all kinds of insults oh. one day, he said if he knew I couldn't have children he won't have married me. this was just 4months into d marriage. any little thing he complains. on weekends, he expects me to get up by 7am m start preparing his breakfast oh. weekend which is supposed to b for resting since we work Monday to Friday. Every little thing, he keeps saying if he knew he won't have married me.
I still remember how he slapped me several times, he insulted me n i insulted him back, that was what caused d slap. even when he saw me crying he wasn't moved. I have complained to family members and friends ,they have spoken to him, he will change for a while and later go back to his terrible ways.
I have never seen this kind of acrimony between couple. I am not a bad looking person, I have dated people in d past, they didn't treat me half as badly as this one. I was just too unserious. I want to leave this torture. but we work in the same place and I am trying to avoid wagging tongues. I just tired. I have seen and experienced mutual love and it's not like this. I long to share love with someone that loves me just the way I am. I don't deserve to be with this animal. When it comes to food, he eats so angry if his food isn't ready on time.

Please I need advice. he went for test n it was discovered he has low sperm count. that made him humble for some fine but recently he started saying again that if he had married a younger lady, d lady would have been pregnant by now. just imagine this kind of torture. God knows I have absorbed so much from this man

both you and your husband have no sense at all. How can a woman in her thirties and a man in his forties be begged into a marriage by another man only because he is a pastor. You said you want to be loved, do you love the man? Mtchew. Una never see anything

Mustsucceed:
Woe unto you .wait and c

he has a point even though he passed it in a very wrong way.

I have a senior cousin...who declined and took the guy who really wanted marry her unserious when she was 22....she toyed with him...I was living with the family that was how I know....we grew up together.
.to be honest that was the only serious and responsible guy my cousin ever meet...
the rest wasn't serious and they came to mark register...

my cousin now is in her very late 30s...probably 39...and not married.

sometimes good things come early but we must ask God for the wisdom to use them right....

Biglittlelois:
Blaming her for what is happening in her marriage right now is as a result of whatever she did early in life is soo wrong, why not just advice her and go

I blame her too. never , never , ever let a guy hit and you remain in that relationship.

@Elesta

This is still the bonding stage of your marriage most marriages go through this phase which may last for up to 2 years.

U can't quit a marriage this early only a coward does that so no drastic decisions yet.

Childlessness is a big issue in marriage so u guys should sit down and find solution to it. 4 months is enough to give concerns.

If I wasn't in my mid 30's and if I hadn't done fibroid operation and so, eager to take in, I won't have made this terrible mistake. We also work in the same place so everything

listen to UR self.
originally u dont wish to marry d man. but bks u have seen dat age is not with u again u just take d man just to manage d man.
u r d origin of d problem u r having.
your d one killing your husband.
stop pretending if u dont want d marriage Cary UR old age and your fibroid go back to UR Fathers house bks ur not ready for d marriage.
shame on women of nowadays.

Biglittlelois:
Blaming her for what is happening in her marriage right now is as a result of whatever she did early in life is soo wrong, why not just advice her and go

What do you know?
Abeg waka

CameroonianG:
My dear i dey available, we Cameroonia show real and pure love not like 9ja fake niggas. But we don't spend you do everything we asked you

na una own worst pass.

OlawaleBammie:
Ahh, though i can't thoroughly judge him cus hearing a lady's side of a story to judge without listening to d other half's story is uncalled for.
But goin by ur story!! how could he b dis mean?? am taken aback i swear, this is too much to shoulder especially for women who are generally emotionally sensitive.
Op see, dont let anyone dciv u, u hav to face d truth here, wat u need is PRAYER, U NEED PRAYER, just turn to God since its Him dat joined u guys together throu His servants from d onset, pls pray to Him to help soften his heart, as a lady u need care,
U can as well(am sure u would hav informed dem) call d attentions of ur pastors to see into it and help u in prayer cus i cant advice u to elope from ur marriage




Last thin i want to say is... pls sorry to say this but it come to me as an observation..

U said u re good looking and as am seeing, u re educated, why were u unserious with ur previous relationships?? why did u choose nt to grow together with ur dream man but dumping dem??, i hope u re nt one of those ladies dat place schooling to acquire d last available certificate on der head as if that wil guarantee there brighter future?. why did u play with der emotions and let dem feel used and dumped by u??( cus man also use to feel used).
Because this marriage of urs happened under pressure as ur writeup hinted, age and health issues presured u to enter into such marriage and not affections, love, feelings, intimacy and d likes

You must be very weak fellow.
Kid!
Very judgemental weak and senseless post

desvi:
you want her to see the same pastor who helped her get into this mess? seriously?



no, you don't

What was she suppose to do?
Act like ghost or just go solo.

Did nt the bible say confess ur fault one to another?

HitSong:
You must be very weak fellow.
Kid!
Very judgemental weak and senseless post

The guy up there na kid

CameroonianG:
My dear i dey available, we Cameroonia show real and pure love not like 9ja fake niggas. But we don't spend you do everything we asked you

Define love?

Biglittlelois:
Blaming her for what is happening in her marriage right now is as a result of whatever she did early in life is soo wrong, why not just advice her and go

No
The past has defined your present and it will ALWAYS Hunt you.

Touching but not unreparable. You only need to calm down and observe certain clues. Even a mad man or woman is decodable. It is all about being able to read the codes or signals.

Get ready for work now. I'll surely ask you a few questions and you'll begin to see the codes I'm talking about.

Listen and read all you want here from arm chair counsellors, meanwhile, talk is cheap. So be very careful what you take away from here. Many are not even marry and they'll be giving you all kinds of advices here.

In the meantime, calm down, take a different approach to his actions, be very slow to react to his tantrums. If we understand how a human beings brain was wiredto work, you can tame anybody.

kingemzy5:
We aren't talking about your mother here don't get it twisted

They are neither not connecting all the events to the unfortunate happenings in your miserable life.

HitSong:
No
The past has defined your present and it will ALWAYS Hunt you.

Should the hunting now be forever? Haba!

Isn't there room to make errors and get it corrected? Counsellor!

Don't swallow what a pained woman says hook, line and sinker. Hear from both sides. Tonto Dike said worse. But it turned out she was the problem all along.

I repeat, hear from both sides.


I'm gone.......

And you are still by him, trying for a child
Keep tightening the noose that your Chi has loosened up for you

Elesta:
I cooked rice d previous evening and I told him to please just warm it in d morning since he likes eating early, that was another problem ohmhe said, how can I b telling him to warm food.Imagine.I am living with a lunatic

You're very sick.
You can never find peace if you don't amend this your silly, proud and insensitive ways.
That man is very unfortunate to have married you. He deserves better.

Woman don talk her own, e dey sweet yoko yoko for her mouth. Have you heard from the man how terrible a wife she probably is?

Mid thirties old evening newspaper feeling entitled and pompous. "He insulted me, and I insulted him back"...oya na, as madam no-nonsense fire for fire. Yet you expect a happy marriage? You're mad. Go and learn humility and submissiveness

Now you're comparing husband and boyfriend. That's the stupid mentality of many useless women. "I have dated in the past and none of them treated me half as bad as this one". See aunty wey mumu. Silly comparisons.. Why didn't any of your so-called boyfriends marry you? Boyfriends that didn't have to bear your responsibility and live with your baggage. So it can never be the same thing as a husband on whose shoulders you would dump the full weight of your annoying baggage full time.

Madam carry your bad character go siddon for one corner. Don't make the poor man's life miserable.

Elesta:
I cooked rice d previous evening and I told him to please just warm it in d morning since he likes eating early, that was another problem ohmhe said, how can I b telling him to warm food.Imagine.I am living with a lunatic

You too have issues. Since he likes eating early, why not wake up early to warm the food. You seem not to be a submissive person.

baby124:
Tell him since you both work, he will have to help out around the house as a responsible husband. Did you guys do any marriage counseling and is he really a Christian? Or he just goes to church because he wants to get married.

Madam! Don’t call your husband a lunatic! I know you are angry but it’s not good. It shows you have anger issues and you have a sharp mouth! Remember you are both from different upbringing. You have to make it work for you.

All these foolish advice and mentality...
More reason you people don't last in marriage this days...

happney65:
I am telling you straight up without mincing words..Divorce his murdafuccking stupid ass..Dont even think about it..Just go file a divorce..I hope you were joined in court sha...He isnt worth it one bit!

Please, divorce him sharply!
Never ever marry out of pity or Pastor's dictate, beg or manipulation. The truth is, those pastors never married that way. Sis, don't let him kill you (literally or insanely) before you have sense.