Is it a crime to be nice to ladies?

To always be there for them?

To always treat them with utmost respect?

My answer will be a NO.

But will you believe me if I tell you, that this noble mindset is one of the several reasons why ladies friendzones you?

Friendzone is a place of disappointment, frustration, misery, helplessness and unhappiness.

You love this girl and she can’t just reciprocate, you hope that she will eventually love you, but she made you understand she can never date you, because you are like a brother to her. Am sorry buddy, ladies don’t just know how painful that statement can be.

There is boy friend and there is boyfriend that tiny little space is known as the friend zone. Don’t get it twisted ----Anonymous

We have all being there at one point or the other, but the good thing is understanding why you were friendzoned, correcting it and never getting back there with any other lady you like.

Most often than not, we always think she has fallen for us, due to the way she behaves around us, only to be coldly awaken to the unbearable truth that she can’t date us.

Let me quickly tell you a story.

Some years back I was in your shoes, I fell in love with this hot girl. I was literally blown away, she was out of my league.

I decided to get close to her using the friendship strategy. It worked, we became close friends. I was happy to later know that we have a lot of things in common.

I decided to take it slow so as not to be seen as if I am after the cookie, which I thought will hamper my chances with her (only if I had known better).

As we got closer she at different points reiterated how cool of a guy I was, laugh at my jokes and appreciate my ideas.
At this point I was cock-sure she was into me (or so I thought), so I decided it was time to move the relationship forward.

It was a surprise to me how she reacted; she told me that we should just be friends, that we should not spoil what we have as friends. I couldn’t help but wonder how dating will be a bad thing. I couldn’t believe I was just friend-zoned.

I was so disappointed, dejected, never believed she could have responded in that manner, always thought she was into me. Our relationship became strain from then on. I had to put an end to the relationship eventually.


I later understood what went wrong in the relationship, especially what I did wrong, and have vowed never to repeat it again. No wonder have never been friend-zoned again ever since then.


Are you also experiencing this?

Don’t worry buddy at the end of this discussion, you will be out of the shakles of friendzoning.

I promise you that!!!

Ladies Mindset

I must tell you the truth, you were the reason why she friendzoned you. Your attitude - consciously and unconsciously- towards her informs her behavior towards to you.

When a lady first meets you she is uncertain about you. She tries to observe to understand you, whether you are interesting or not, she wants to know if you are man enough to handle her. She wants to know if you are fun to be with. Are you a man of your word? Are you a man that knows what he want?

People who blame the friendzone are cowards who choose to think the girl never gave them a chance; but in truth, every girl has thoroughly weighed out the pros and cons before rejecting guys-----Daphne Sze

We will quickly be looking at the mistakes you make with ladies that gets you in the friendzone:

1. Being a Coward

You are too afraid to go after what you want. You see a good opening to give her a peck, a kiss but you second guess yourself, saying she might be offended.

Unknown to you that she noticed your reaction and could understand that you are not man enough to take what you want.

You are afraid to hug her when you feel like. You are afraid to hold her hands in public. You are afraid she might say it is too early for that. You are afraid she might reject you.

I can tell you most often than not, she is also expecting it. But expects you to take the initiative, to have the gumption to do what you want.

Your timidity to take your opportunity to express your love to her openly tells her you are afraid of her, and you wouldn’t dear offend her…..too bad. No lady wants to date a timid guy, no wonder she friendzoned you.

What to do:

When you feel like kissing her, kiss her. You feel like holding her, hold her. You feel like pecking her, do so.

Never be afraid that she might reject it. If she objects, let her know that is what you want to do, and if she still rejects your kiss, you still won.

At least she knows you are never afraid to do what you feel like doing. And she will forever respect you for that. And of course you are going to get the kiss next time.



2. Not Prioritizing Your Interests

Here is an illustration:

Zion is a student trying to work on a difficult assignment, but in the middle of it, had a phone call,
“Loveth: Hello Zion, how are you? Can you come to my place now I want to show you something?
Zion: Ok dear, I will be with you in a jiffy."

“Zion is a guy unknowingly on his way to being friend zoned, if he is not already there. He could have made Loveth understood that he will not be able to come due to the assignment he was doing, but due to his dire effort to please her, he decided to abandon everything for her when he was not even the boyfriend.

He could have tried to understand what she was calling her for, weighs if it is more important to what he was doing. But all he was trying to do was to impress the girl.

Only if he knows that all those selfless efforts never impress the girl, if it does anything, it only pushes him deeper in the friendzone.

You should never assume the boyfriend role when you are not yet the boyfriend, it only benefits the lady in the long run.

A fact of life is “ People naturally value what they work and invest in”. They psychologically feel more attracted to people they work to earn their attention. People don’t feel committed to things they don’t invest in.

If she is getting all of your attention whenever she needs it, without her doing anything to get it, you can’t expect her to accept to be your lady when she is already getting all this as a friend. She will want to forever banish you to the friendzone (sorry, buddy).



What to do:

Always prioritize your interest anytime it clashes with her interest, and if at all you will choose hers let her understand in clear terms that you are just trying to help her, not because you feel obligated to.

She also need to work to gain your full attention. You must be ready to reject her request sometimes not minding whether that will put you lower on her pedestal or not.

And I will tell you if anything, it will differentiate you from other guys that will helplessly do anything to gain her attention.


3. Unclear Intentions

I understand you might be afraid of her rejecting you if you come out forthright about your interest in her. It invariably removes the opportunity of proving yourself completely to her.

But your delay is what gets you in the friendzone. She can never know what you have in mind except spoken out.

When you cowardly refuse to make her feel the sexual vibe from you, she sees you as just a good friend. She can’t just develop those sexual feelings for you especially when you are not the kind of guy she considers hot.

And there is a short time you have to prove yourself before she throws you in the friendzone. By the time you decide to tell her or show her, it might be already late.

Telling her on time saves you a lot of time, money, energy among others. Sometimes ladies might not just like you, no matter how handsome you are (so don’t kid yourself). Letting her know your intention on time, helps you understand your bearing on time.

What to do:

Let her understand your intentions on time, so as for you to understand what you can have with the lady. You can’t just waste your precious time, hard-earned money and your energy.


4. Granting Her Control

Another mistake that is mostly made is allowing the girl dictate whatever you guys need to do; where to go, what to eat, what to watch etc.

You allow her to dictate all this so as to please her, for her to see you as a gentleman.

This is one of the reasons why ‘nice guys always carry last’. When you let her control, the message you are passing across to her is that you are a weak guy that can’t control her.

And also you don’t have the power over her. I will tell you my friend, no hot lady (the kind of girl you want), that wants to date a guy that can’t control her. This is the reason she will never see you as a boyfriend but a friend.


What to do:

Never allow a lady control you. That is your job and your right to do.

Let her understand and accept you as the one leading. This can only make her respect you.

There is nothing nice in you allowing her to always have her way, it is boring. Be the boss, you are meant to be. If she can’t accept that then she is not worthy to be with you.



5. Being Depirate

Never be desperate to always be with a lady. I understand you love her and you always want to be with her, watch her, play with her.

She might enjoy your company, but it will get to a point that she gets tired of you and will just want to be with her female friends. You pestering her makes you unattractive and more importantly annoying.

This shows you are always in need of her, and can never see you as a boyfriend. You are already dying to be with her without her trying to impress you this makes you boring. And nobody wants to have boring guy as a boyfriend.

What to do:

Have other female friends that you play with. It exhibits to her that others ladies wants you and validates you.

This will make her jealous of you and will want to impress you so as to make her yours. This makes her appreciate your time with her. This makes you interesting, and put you in a good position to be her boyfriend.


When you correct these mistakes you are sure to never land in the friendzone ever again buddy!!!

REMEMBER!!!!

1. Never be afraid to show your feelings, you are the man show it.
2. Place your values, interests and standards above hers.
3. Let her understand what you are after.
4. Be in control
5. Have a lot of female friends.
6. Never be afraid to offend her
7. Never be needy
8. Be willing to walk away

You are the boss, take it!!!!!

Yes....... Guys should stop complaining about being friend zoned, when they are the cause of it.

Correct the mistakes and forever be grateful for the exposure.

To start with, your write up is full of stereotype.

The idea you are selling that men are the number one victims of friendzoning brought upon by their cowardly act is wrong. Your personal experience doesn't count.

Encouraging men to kiss, hug or hold her hands when they feel like wouldn't work either. That's because you don't need to take a single action to get friend-zoned.

A woman will discreetly screen you without giving away any hint the very first moment you interact with her. You either pass off as a potential mate, friend or as someone to be avoided. If she doesn't like you romantically, it not about you being a coward for failing to act towards her.

.....just get your balls round enough...

SageMK:
To start with, your write up is full of stereotype.

The idea you are selling that men are the number one victims of friendzoning brought upon by their cowardly act is wrong. Your personal experience doesn't count.

Encouraging men to kiss, hug or hold her hands when they feel like wouldn't work either. That's because you don't need to take a single action to get friend-zoned.

A woman will discreetly screen you without giving away any hint the very first moment you interact with her. You either pass off as a potential mate, friend or as someone to be avoided. If she doesn't like you romantically, it not about you being a coward for failing to act towards her.

Great comment bro,

First off, I will like you to know this write up is not just a result of my experience but a culmination of several studies and different perceptions.

If you will noticed from the title, the write up is targeted at guys specifically. And at no point in the write up did I state that guys are the number one victims of friend zoning.

Is possible that you get friend zoned without any action , this is only in the rare case of the girl not liking your type at all (this I included in the write up, hope you saw it?). But most of the times, I will tell you, it is caused by guy's actions.

I wrote this article to help guys that needs this help, and if anybody uses my advice and it doesn't work, he should let me know.

Thanks.