Ayofaks:


Divorce is not a death sentence Oga, marriage is not a do or die something. How many years are we spending on this earth that one will spend the little time in sadness and perpetual gloom? God forbid!!!

It's not Disney Land either.

Will God even ask for marriage certificate when we all die? The way some people directly/indirectly encourage women to stay in unhappy marriages is mind boggling.

Who has asked her to stay in an unhappy marriage? You will see what you want to see.

Is her marriage troubled? -- Yes

Is it fixable? -- Yes

Should she try to fix it? -- It's worth giving a shot.

So what is your problem

Anyone who suggests anything other than divorce is wrong. Is that sensible to you?

elektra:


Why are you asking someone else to accept behavior that you are unwilling to accept?

Why are you trying to destroy a failing marriage instead of try to fix it. Is that how throw away every faulty appliance in your house

Is it because she has a vagina that you are asking her to live with the same hurt that you have rejected for yourself?

The day would not be complete if you don't turn it to a gender battle.

If you cannot imagine it for yourself why are you able to imagine it for a woman?

Reality baby. Reality.
Do you know of any couple where the wife cheats brazenly and the man just swallows it? I bet you don't.

If it is a fixable problem why won’t you be fixing your own marriage if the problem is coming from the woman?

Don't know what you are on about.

I really want to know empathy (putting yourself in someone else’s shoes) is not applied if the person hurting in a marriage is a woman.

Oya OP make una divorce. That's empathy right there.

ThothHermes:
Why are you trying to destroy a failing marriage instead of try to fix it. Is that how throw away every faulty appliance in your house
The day would not be complete if you don't turn it to a gender battle.
Reality baby. Reality.
Do you know of any couple where the wife cheats brazenly and the man just swallows it? I bet you don't.
Don't know what you are on about.
Oya OP make una divorce. That's empathy right there.

This is my first time replying to this thread so please show me where I mentioned divorce? I was responding to your post where you said men cannot accept the same behavior you are asking the lady to accept and I am trying to figure out why you have such a thought process. It really was an honest question, I’m not trying to have a gender war.
The bolded, you said the issue is fixable and the woman should fix it. In the same breath you are saying men should not fix their marriage if the issue is from the woman.

LilMissFavvy:
Where do you see married couples who live far apart but are faithful? It is very very impossible. Any married couple that don't meet for at least once in a month will be prone to cheating, I am referring to the men, especially.

Aunty, I know alot of men who live apart from their wives and kids and still don't cheat even when girls throw themselves at them. We still have good men.

elektra:


This is my first time replying to this thread so please show me where I mentioned divorce? I was responding to your post where you said men cannot accept the same behavior you are asking the lady to accept and I am trying to figure out why you have such a thought process.

Simple. I've not seen any man accept it. It does not even happen. At least I've not heard. Women do not have it in them to cheat on a man who is doing right by them.

It really was an honest question, I’m not trying to have a gender war.
The bolded, you said the issue is fixable and the woman should fix it. In the same breath you are saying men should not fix their marriage if the issue is from the woman

I said she should try. Trying and failing is better than not trying no

Once again, issues of wanton infidelity arise from men. Let's not propose a solution to problems that have not arisen.

You may be right.

esof1:


Aunty, I know alot of men who live apart from their wives and kids and still don't cheat even when girls throw themselves at them. We still have good men.

Tnx everyone for your advice,u all have been helpful. Didn't want to go to deep bt here's a little conversation btw us...

Even to start up a healthy conversation with him is soo difficult.All along I just over look it all 4my children's sake.Bt he's now taking me 4a ride.This is a man who does video call with girls n stays up chatting till late at night.I can even be online n he wudnt chat me up,if I don't.

ThothHermes:
I'm sure you are not married

Yes I'm not, so what?

ThothHermes:
By our respective natures, a man would not tolerate a woman that is cheating brazenly if he is faithful and dutiful.

I have tried to imagine it and it's not just possible in my head. It will take the most enraged feminist to dream up something so implausible.

It's not society. It's nature. You want to advice divorce? Go ahead.
Wetin concern me? As if divorce is one El Dorado like that.
This is a fixable problem. If you don't want to try to fix it., wahala tiyin niyen

A man cannot tolerate a cheating wife but the wife should tolerate a cheating, unremorseful husband abi? Tell me how op's situation is fixable when the husband doesn't give a hoot what she thinks and feels.....

wonyi:


I choose my words carefully. I don't speak loosely. We must not think alike. Please stay off my mention.please

And i'm telling you your words are loose and without meaning, and if I do not stay way from your mention what will you do? E-slap me? I will quote you till infinity till you comment with sense.

wonyi:


Please stay off my mention. Please

I won't, come and e-beat me

ThothHermes:
Why are you trying to destroy a failing marriage instead of try to fix it. Is that how throw away every faulty appliance in your house
The day would not be complete if you don't turn it to a gender battle.
Reality baby. Reality.
Do you know of any couple where the wife cheats brazenly and the man just swallows it? I bet you don't.
Don't know what you are on about.
Oya OP make una divorce. That's empathy right there.

You and wonyi I don't know who is more mentally irritating, a woman should fix her home while the husband is destroying it with no care in the world, yeye is you.


Lalasticlala

Redrosely:
Even to start up a healthy conversation with him is soo difficult.All along I just over look it all 4my children's sake.Bt he's now taking me 4a ride.This is a man who does video call with girls n stays up chatting till late at night.I can even be online n he wudnt chat me up,if I don't.

I really want to insult your husband but I won't dear, he really has a nonchalant attitude towards you and your feelings and it irks me, ignore him, grow a thick skin and bullshit his nonsense, see the chat abeg, like your complaints are amusing to him wtf!!! Saying "hmmm, hmmm, Hmmmm everytime, the nerve, the audacity, ignore the fvck out of him like he doesn't exist

Fountainofyouth:



You and wonyi I don't know who is more mentally irritating, a woman should fix her home while the husband is destroying it with no care in the world, yeye is you.


Lalasticlala

See those screenshots. The is still chemistry. Man is just yielding to his primal desires.
I'm now certain that this marriage can and will be fixed.

Divorce advocates make una go jump inside lagoon.

Why the hell are you calling lala

ThothHermes:
See those screenshots. The is still chemistry. Man is just yielding to his primal desires.
I'm now certain that this marriage can and will be fixed.

Divorce advocates make una go jump inside lagoon.

Why the hell are you calling lala

So those screen shots is chemistry to you, the woman is complaning and the man finds it amusing and you're calling it chemistry? Respect yourself, what do you mean by yielding to his primal desires? As in cheating is his primal desire so he is allowed to cheat, is that what you're saying?

Are you married? If you are I'm pretty sure you're cheating on your wife and her reaction to it is by licking the very ground you step on that's why you have the audacity to spill rubbish without sense, stay out of this thread and continue to cheat in peace, leave this woman alone with your stupid advice let her sort herself out,

I'm calling lala so that he can take it to front page for others to see some nonentity we call men and they can grow some sense, nonsense and cheating ingredient

@op I wish you all the best. I won't speak further on this thread.



Peace out

Fountainofyouth:



So those screen shots is chemistry to you, the woman is complaning and the man finds it amusing and you're calling it chemistry? Respect yourself, what do you mean by yielding to his primal desires? As in cheating is his primal desire so he is allowed to cheat, is that what you're saying?

Yes o. Is it mathematics to you
Don't put words into my mouth

Are you married? If you are I'm pretty sure you're cheating on your wife and her reaction to it is by licking the very ground you step on that's why you have the audacity to spill rubbish without sense, stay out of this thread and continue to cheat in peace, leave this woman alone with your stupid advice let her sort herself out,

I'm calling lala so that he can take it to front page for others to see some nonentity we call men and they can grow some sense, nonsense and cheating ingredient

Crying more than the bereaved

Get a grip.

ThothHermes:
Yes o. Is it mathematics to you
Don't put words into my mouth

Crying more than the bereaved

Get a grip.

No you get a grip, cheat

YOU NEED TO BE SRONG, CHEER UP, AND TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND YOUR KIDS. LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF

Can't even sleep, cos I can't seem to find it. Decided to pick his calls today, after much missed calls and pleading. Guess what ... Yes he apologized,n I asked him y he's sorry n he said , he is sorry for nothing. My heart just broke all over again. I'm back to where I started again. Worst is, my salary can't look after my kids n my self, I don't even know how much my husband earns. I have lost every respect I have for him,cos he totally disrespects me. I hate his arrogance, I even regreted picking up his call today. Now look what I've done to myself.I can't sleep n I bet he's snoring over there...
Life can be so unfair.

Advice has been given to you but you choose to go the other way. What do you want posters to do?


You can either act like you don’t have a husband which you don’t or continue to give him power over you. But Nairalanders honestly can’t do anything for you from their own houses.

You are an adult. Decide what you want

Redrosely:
Can't even sleep, cos I can't seem to find it. Decided to pick his calls today, after much missed calls and pleading. Guess what ... Yes he apologized,n I asked him y he's sorry n he said , he is sorry for nothing. My heart just broke all over again. I'm back to where I started again. Worst is, my salary can't look after my kids n my self, I don't even know how much my husband earns. I have lost every respect I have for him,cos he totally disrespects me. I hate his arrogance, I even regreted picking up his call today. Now look what I've done to myself.I can't sleep n I bet he's snoring over there...
Life can be so unfair.

Redrosely:
Can't even sleep, cos I can't seem to find it. Decided to pick his calls today, after much missed calls and pleading. Guess what ... Yes he apologized,n I asked him y he's sorry n he said , he is sorry for nothing. My heart just broke all over again. I'm back to where I started again. Worst is, my salary can't look after my kids n my self, I don't even know how much my husband earns. I have lost every respect I have for him,cos he totally disrespects me. I hate his arrogance, I even regreted picking up his call today. Now look what I've done to myself.I can't sleep n I bet he's snoring over there...
Life can be so unfair.

Perhaps, it's time to start searching for a better job. Let that pre-occupy your time. Keep in touch with old friends and make new ones, instead of waiting for your husband to meet your emotional needs which he obviously cannot. During the holiday, perhaps your children can spend time with your parents, so you can have more time to intensify your job search.
Life is too short to live it in misery. Do exciting things (nothing expensive), so you can look back and know you've also chopped this life. Remember to live life and not just exist.

Acidosis:

When something is broken, you don't throw it away, you try to fix it.

Both parties have to want the marriage and put in the effort to make it work, not one person doing everything while the other is unserious. Reading through her posts and the Whatsapp texts, attempting to fix this marriage is going to be like attempting to fill a mesh basket with water.

Redrosely:
Can't even sleep, cos I can't seem to find it. Decided to pick his calls today, after much missed calls and pleading. Guess what ... Yes he apologized,n I asked him y he's sorry n he said , he is sorry for nothing. My heart just broke all over again. I'm back to where I started again. Worst is, my salary can't look after my kids n my self, I don't even know how much my husband earns. I have lost every respect I have for him,cos he totally disrespects me. I hate his arrogance, I even regreted picking up his call today. Now look what I've done to myself.I can't sleep n I bet he's snoring over there...
Life can be so unfair.

I'm co-signing w| Cococandy that there is no marriage here. I believe some other people have said something similar. We can't all be saying the same thing and be wrong. It's up to you to heed or one year from now he'll still be making you depressed and miserable. From the texts you posted, he thrives on these, as well as being nonchalant and dismissive towards you and your needs. Your family has told you to come home w| the kids after their exams; go! Then when you're there, plan your way forward. If you want to continue this cycle of foolishness w| him, stay. Your choice.

Tnx everyone,still following n reading comments.Bt it may interest us all to know that I've been a guest here for 4years.I just follow certain threads,like pregnacy thread,literature...read comments n so on. So being able to open an account for this tells alot.
Well my hubby is an active member here n I hope he gets to see this. I wouldn't want to disclose somethings here for some reasons bt here's my number... For a private chat with anyone who's willing to help me get through this,cos I tell you, it's not easy.

[quote author=Acidosis post=79937738]

I understand you perfectly. You've being fixing the situation using the wrong method.[/quote

Hw pls...

If there's one thing I ve learnt z that my respect goes to single parents ... especially women who has seen it all..and taken the bold step of walking outta dia marriages instead of dying in silence.

theButterfly:
Both parties have to want the marriage and put in the effort to make it work, not one party doing everything while the other is unserious. Reading through her posts and the Whatsapp texts, attempting to fix this marriage is going to be like attempting to fill a mesh basket with water.

I'm co-signing w| Cococandy that there is no marriage here. I believe some other people have said something similar. We can't all be saying the same thing and be wrong. It's up to you to heed or one year from now he'll still be making you depressed and miserable. From the texts you posted, he thrives on these, as well as being nonchalant and dismissive towards you and your needs. Your family has told you to come home w| the kids after their exams; go! Then when you're there, plan your way forward. If you want to continue this cycle of foolishness w| him, stay. Your choice.

Hmmmmmm... The matter tire me sef. Called my parents to let them know that I've bought the idea of coming over with the kids during the holidays to ease of, na dia story change oh.
My parents said I can only come over now on d condition that I carry my kids to my in-laws place n come alone. That d cannot feed d kids of a man who disrespected my mum like dat, saying the will only be doing him a favor and he may have more time to flirt more knowing that his children are ok where they are. They insist that,if I suffer for the kids from nw,they will still return to their dad after all my labor,so I shd save myself the stress of giving them away now.
The suggest I walk out of d marriage alone n remarry.
My question now is how will I do such to my kids. I'm yet to wean my little son.
What guarantees d second marriage of being a success? I never wish to even marry again shd I walk away from this.
Note my marriage is an inter tribal marriage which my parents kicked against due to some reasons.

Redrosely:
Note my marriage is an inter tribal marriage which my parents kicked against due to some reasons

why do i feel this is also a causative factor in all of these. how i wish these reasons were earlier thrashed before you guys got married & had kids

Don’t abandon your kids for the sake of remarriage.

Your parents are wrong about that.

Redrosely:


Hmmmmmm... The matter tire me sef. Called my parents to let them know that I've bought the idea of coming over with the kids during the holidays to ease of, na dia story change oh.
My parents said I can only come over now on d condition that I carry my kids to my in-laws place n come alone. That d cannot feed d kids of a man who disrespected my mum like dat, saying the will only be doing him a favor and he may have more time to flirt more knowing that his children are ok where they are. They insist that,if I suffer for the kids from nw,they will still return to their dad after all my labor,so I shd save myself the stress of giving them away now.
The suggest I walk out of d marriage alone n remarry.
My question now is how will I do such to my kids. I'm yet to wean my little son.
What guarantees d second marriage of being a success? I never wish to even marry again shd I walk away from this.
Note my marriage is an inter tribal marriage which my parents kicked against due to some reasons.

cococandy:
Don’t abandon your kids for the sake of remarriage.

Your parents are wrong about that.

The parents are not wrong about that. If women begin to face their realities squarely, many men will sit up.

@Redrosely


Go and give him his kids. They won't die. "Dump" those kids with him (not his parents) and his useless side chicks to take care for two weeks, and watch him retrace his steps.

As long as women continue to act like they can't separate from their children, men will take that as power to impregnate carelessly and take off. If he gets you pregnant and he's never available to care for his children, biko go and give him his children to manage. Tell him you need time to cool off and his kids are distractions.

You did not bring them alone to the world. Suffer all you want, those kids will leave you max at 18 years and begin to spend on girlfriends. By the time they're even old enough to care (the so called fruit of labour abi), your system is already failing due to emotional and psychological stress plus old age. At that time, you're really too old to enjoy any vibe. You go see chicken, but no strong teeth and system to eat. You won't even try fried chicken cos of longstanding BP issues.

You may end up as grandma running from one house to the other taking care of grandkids while you never really lived. Is that your purpose on earth?

Think twice please, consider your age, and your purpose here.

Seeing your chat, my interpretation of the whole saga is what Nigerians call See Finish . I'm still recommending the idea of staying unpredictable. "Dumping" those kids with him is one of the steps. Let him see his seed cry for food, love and attention. If that won't retrace his steps, nothing else will as far as that marriage is concerned.

Redrosely:


Hmmmmmm... The matter tire me sef. Called my parents to let them know that I've bought the idea of coming over with the kids during the holidays to ease of, na dia story change oh.
My parents said I can only come over now on d condition that I carry my kids to my in-laws place n come alone. That d cannot feed d kids of a man who disrespected my mum like dat, saying the will only be doing him a favor and he may have more time to flirt more knowing that his children are ok where they are. They insist that,if I suffer for the kids from nw,they will still return to their dad after all my labor,so I shd save myself the stress of giving them away now.
The suggest I walk out of d marriage alone n remarry.
My question now is how will I do such to my kids. I'm yet to wean my little son.
What guarantees d second marriage of being a success? I never wish to even marry again shd I walk away from this.
Note my marriage is an inter tribal marriage which my parents kicked against due to some reasons.

.

Oh this is the genesis of your problem. You didn't listen to them

If you refuse to listen to your parents on any issue especially marital issue, you will regret it till you die. That's the pure truth

You love him more than he loves you. Love is still in your eyes, when it finally clears off, you will run with your two legs touching your back. Do you think if his parents did not agree to the marriage, he will go ahead

My advice. Forget about that marriage. He will marry his side chick very soon