₦airaland Forum

While it’s makes sense and I agree with making him responsible, in reality, he won’t take care of those kids.
Seen it one too many times.He will find aunties or grandparents to go send the kids to (in good cases that is). In other cases, the kids often end up as house helps in some distant relatives house. Sexually and physically abused.

I won’t recommend her putting her life on hold because she had kids. At the same time, she can’t sacrifice them because their father refuses to be responsible.

She can live and also take care of her kids.

However OP you know him better than us. If you feel like he can take care of them including the one you just weaned off the breast, you can try it and see if works out. I definitely don’t recommend it but can’t knock it if you feel like it will work for you guys.

Acidosis:
The parents are not wrong about that. If women begin to face their realities squarely, many men will sit up.

@Redrosely


Go and give him his kids. They won't die. "Dump" those kids with him (not his parents) and his useless side chicks to take care for two weeks, and watch him retrace his steps.

As long as women continue to act like they can't separate from their children, men will take that as power to impregnate carelessly and take off. If he gets you pregnant and he's never available to care for his children, biko go and give him his children to manage. Tell him you need time to cool off and his kids are distractions.

You did not bring them alone to the world. Suffer all you want, those kids will leave you max at 18 years and begin to spend on girlfriends. By the time they're even old enough to care (the so called fruit of labour abi), your system is already failing due to emotional and psychological stress plus old age. At that time, you're really too old to enjoy any vibe. You go see chicken, but no strong teeth and system to eat. You won't even try fried chicken cos of longstanding BP issues.

You may end up as grandma running from one house to the other taking care of grandkids while you never really lived. Is that your purpose on earth?

Think twice please, consider your age, and your purpose here.

Seeing your chat, my interpretation of the whole saga is what Nigerians call See Finish . I'm still recommending the idea of staying unpredictable. "Dumping" those kids with him is one of the steps. Let him see his seed cry for food, love and attention. If that won't retrace his steps, nothing else will as far as that marriage is concerned.

Redrosely:
Hmmmmmm... The matter tire me sef. Called my parents to let them know that I've bought the idea of coming over with the kids during the holidays to ease of, na dia story change oh.
My parents said I can only come over now on d condition that I carry my kids to my in-laws place n come alone. That d cannot feed d kids of a man who disrespected my mum like dat, saying the will only be doing him a favor and he may have more time to flirt more knowing that his children are ok where they are. They insist that,if I suffer for the kids from nw,they will still return to their dad after all my labor,so I shd save myself the stress of giving them away now.
The suggest I walk out of d marriage alone n remarry.
My question now is how will I do such to my kids. I'm yet to wean my little son.
What guarantees d second marriage of being a success? I never wish to even marry again shd I walk away from this.
Note my marriage is an inter tribal marriage which my parents kicked against due to some reasons.

Your parents should be ashamed of themselves. I wonder how they can get away with saying this rubbish to you. No wonder your husband disrespected them. So the best advise they can give you is dump your kids and pretend like you never had them so you can remarry. Smh.

[quote author=2mch post=80058454]Your parents should be ashamed of themselves. I wonder how they can get away with saying this rubbish to you. No wonder your husband disrespected them. So the best advise they can give you is dump your kids and pretend like you never had them so you can remarry. Smh.[/quote
Watch it, no insults ok, everyone is entitled to his own opinion. Don't spill trash here

Acidosis:
The parents are not wrong about that. If women begin to face their realities squarely, many men will sit up.

@Redrosely


Go and give him his kids. They won't die. "Dump" those kids with him (not his parents) and his useless side chicks to take care for two weeks, and watch him retrace his steps.

As long as women continue to act like they can't separate from their children, men will take that as power to impregnate carelessly and take off. If he gets you pregnant and he's never available to care for his children, biko go and give him his children to manage. Tell him you need time to cool off and his kids are distractions.

You did not bring them alone to the world. Suffer all you want, those kids will leave you max at 18 years and begin to spend on girlfriends. By the time they're even old enough to care (the so called fruit of labour abi), your system is already failing due to emotional and psychological stress plus old age. At that time, you're really too old to enjoy any vibe. You go see chicken, but no strong teeth and system to eat. You won't even try fried chicken cos of longstanding BP issues.

You may end up as grandma running from one house to the other taking care of grandkids while you never really lived. Is that your purpose on earth?

Think twice please, consider your age, and your purpose here.

Seeing your chat, my interpretation of the whole saga is what Nigerians call See Finish . I'm still recommending the idea of staying unpredictable. "Dumping" those kids with him is one of the steps. Let him see his seed cry for food, love and attention. If that won't retrace his steps, nothing else will as far as that marriage is concerned.

Ur write up is so true.

[quote author=Redrosely post=80059153][/quote]No wonder your husband ran away. Trash

Acidosis:
I understand you perfectly. You've being fixing the situation using the wrong method.

Comman finish this oh... How do u mean.

2mch:
No wonder your husband ran away. Trash

Will u shut that gutter mouth of yours.. Oniranu

cococandy:
While it’s makes sense and I agree with making him responsible, in reality, he won’t take care of those kids.
Seen it one too many times.He will find aunties or grandparents to go send the kids to (in good cases that is). In other cases, the kids often end up as house helps in some distant relatives house. Sexually and physically abused.

I won’t recommend her putting her life on hold because she had kids. At the same time, she can’t sacrifice them because their father refuses to be responsible.

She can live and also take care of her kids.

However OP you know him better than us. If you feel like he can take care of them including the one you just weaned off the breast, you can try it and see if works out. I definitely don’t recommend it but can’t knock it if you feel like it will work for you guys.

You have a point, I think I've also seen that happen before. The idea is to watch his response in anticipation of a change of attitude, not necessarily abandon her kids forever.

Redrosely:
Comman finish this oh... How do u mean.

The wrong method of worrying too much, doing all the lovey dovey alone, initiating chats and calls, begging, forgiving extremely terrible attitudes so quickly, etc.

I know what love is okay and whatever I say about this might sound like hypocrisy on my path because I've been there. We vow never to call someone and few minutes after, we find ourselves talking again, sometimes, begging for attention. We've all been there but the truth of the matter is that it never ends well. You're being taken for granted, only a decisive action would save you.

Redrosely:
Hmmmmmm... The matter tire me sef. Called my parents to let them know that I've bought the idea of coming over with the kids during the holidays to ease of, na dia story change oh.
My parents said I can only come over now on d condition that I carry my kids to my in-laws place n come alone. That d cannot feed d kids of a man who disrespected my mum like dat, saying the will only be doing him a favor and he may have more time to flirt more knowing that his children are ok where they are. They insist that,if I suffer for the kids from nw,they will still return to their dad after all my labor,so I shd save myself the stress of giving them away now.
The suggest I walk out of d marriage alone n remarry.
My question now is how will I do such to my kids. I'm yet to wean my little son.
What guarantees d second marriage of being a success? I never wish to even marry again shd I walk away from this.
Note my marriage is an inter tribal marriage which my parents kicked against due to some reasons.

It seems your parents actually don't care much for your kids b|c they're the product of an inter-tribal marriage. Because I don't understand why they would suggest you dump them w| your in-laws and re-marry just like that! We're talking about little human beings who need parental love and care, not material items you can give away when you no longer want! Their father has already neglected them and chosen to be irresponsible. You won't be any different from him if you abandon them at your in-laws (who might, by the way, mistreat them). You shouldn't even be thinking about re-marrying right now: you need to get yourself together and heal from this marriage before another man comes into the picture, and when that happens your kids should be part of the package!

What tribe are you, Redrosely? What tribe is he?

I stand with cococandy's input.

This is not true. A marriage will be toxic regardless of parents approval or not. I personally know of marriages recommended by both parents collapse, while my cousin's 'forbidden' marriage to his wife is waxing strong. His parents didn't come for the wedding, now they are all chummy with the wife. Her parents did not make her husband act irresponsibly to his wife, that's all on him.

tabithababy:
.

Oh this is the genesis of your problem. You didn't listen to them

If you refuse to listen to your parents on any issue especially marital issue, you will regret it till you die. That's the pure truth

You love him more than he loves you. Love is still in your eyes, when it finally clears off, you will run with your two legs touching your back. Do you think if his parents did not agree to the marriage, he will go ahead

My advice. Forget about that marriage. He will marry his side chick very soon

Unfortunately it's not only her parents that think like that most Nigerians do. Most men will say they can't raise another man's child. I see some women dump their children with family members or even village sef as if they don't exist and move on with their new life.

theButterfly:
It seems your parents actually don't care much for your kids b|c they're the product of an inter-tribal marriage. Because I don't understand why they would suggest you dump them w| your in-laws and re-marry just like that! We're talking about little human beings who need parental love and care, not material items you can give away when you no longer want! Their father has already neglected them and chosen to be irresponsible. You won't be any different from him if you abandon them at your in-laws (who might, by the way, mistreat them). You shouldn't even be thinking about re-marrying right now: you need to get yourself together and heal from this marriage before another man comes into the picture, and when that happens your kids should be part of the package!

Op, how did you meet your husband sef? Redrosely

theButterfly:
What tribe are you, Redrosely? What tribe is he?

Me igbo, hubby from North

MrPresident1:
Op, how did you meet your husband sef? Redrosely

At University.Came to write post ume in his department then. Bt start Ed dating him after 2years of meeting

Redrosely:
At University.Came to write post ume in his department then. Bt start Ed dating him after 2years of meeting

Hmmmm, so you were friends before you started courting, I mean those two years, where you friends then, like close friends?

doitforyou:
Unfortunately it's not only her parents that think like that most Nigerians do. Most men will say they can't raise another man's child. I see some women dump their children with family members or even village sef as if they don't exist and move on with their new life.

Most single people (men and women) aren't keen on marrying a divorcee with kids. I know I probably wouldn't either, tbh. What she would have to do is find a responsible single father/divorcee who's also looking for companionship or re-marrying like her. It's unfortunate that women are dumping their kids, tho. I feel bad for kids who are being abandoned by both parents like that.

MrPresident1:
Hmmmm, so you were friends before you started courting, I mean those two years, where you friends then, like close friends?

Are these ?s necessary like seriously ?please stop probing and profer solutions.

For the record, never accepted to abandon my kids for any reason. My folks gave that condition yes,bt I never accepted to it.
Re marrying is not even an option,cos theirs no guarantee that it will be all Rosy.
Think I will just stay at home at my base and watch how things unfold during the holidays. As for hubby,no form of communication btw us again until I can sort myself out.Tnx y'all

Redrosely:
For the record, never accepted to abandon my kids for any reason. My folks gave that condition yes,bt I never accepted to it.
Re marrying is not even an option,cos theirs no guarantee that it will be all Rosy.
Think I will just stay at home at my base and watch how things unfold during the holidays. As for hubby,no form of communication btw us again until I can sort myself out.Tnx y'all

May God give you the wisdom to handle the cee2ation wisely.

Kendumazy:
It's been long you have been a single mother but you were only in denial within yourself. What kind of job will make a man see his family only once in 4 to 6 months? The only job i know that could warrant that is military work and being a seaman. Other works, a man can always maneuver his ways to see his family more than once in such durations. Even when he comes home, he doesn't like seeing his children playing, shouting or coming around him. Mheeen! I really feel for you! That means, the little times he spent at home, he does not treat you right sef if he could be doing that to his children. I will be frank with you, your man has opted out of the marriage since a long time. My advice for you is to be strong. Look for a guy you think he is reasonable and share your feelings with. Consider yourself a single mother now and watch out for husband actions or plans. If he is willing to change or remorseful or seeking for forgiveness. Watch out for that and see if the marriage is still worth keeping. In the meantime, get a reasonable guy like i said and share your feelings with. Speaking to someone verbally heals depression. If possible, talk to the guy into giving you a very nice massage and probably use female manipulation or female power to have sex with him cos you are sex starved already. Talking to somebody, getting a massage, having intimate fun and other necessary funs helps in dealing with depression. Consider yourself a single mother and have fun till you know the next plan for your marriage. All the very best.

advicing her to commit adultery is not the ultimate solution here.

Redrosely:
For the record, never accepted to abandon my kids for any reason. My folks gave that condition yes,bt I never accepted to it.
Re marrying is not even an option,cos theirs no guarantee that it will be all Rosy.
Think I will just stay at home at my base and watch how things unfold during the holidays. As for hubby,no form of communication btw us again until I can sort myself out.Tnx y'all

Whew! I feel you darling, I feel you. The guy has finally backed you into a corner, the lot of women without financial substance. Something have to give o...something must give! Pele.

Don't rule out remarrying, you could be lucky in future to meet your dream man. In my comment earlier i was hopeful that your hubby will come back to his senses. But if for any reason you quit the marriage, keep your heart opened for a loving man, some divorced women still found love, so no need to lock up. The focus of remarrying would be for companionship, not necessarily for bearing kids, and you may find someone who is looking for just that.

Redrosely:
For the record, never accepted to abandon my kids for any reason. My folks gave that condition yes,bt I never accepted to it.
Re marrying is not even an option,cos theirs no guarantee that it will be all Rosy.
Think I will just stay at home at my base and watch how things unfold during the holidays. As for hubby,no form of communication btw us again until I can sort myself out.Tnx y'all

ahnie:
Are these ?s necessary like seriously ?please stop probing and profer solutions.

Proffer solutions on issues we know next to nothing about? We also need her husband to come and tell us his own side of the story.

If they were friends before courting, she may have seen some red flags but people do change so this does not matter

What GOD has joined together, let no man put asunder

mysticwarrior:
advicing her to commit adultery is not the ultimate solution here.

I Just tried to tell her the truth cos she needs someone close to her, to talk to her so as to lessen the depression hence when someone like a guy gets closer to her as she needs a shoulder to lean on this her trying period and its get much more closer and it results to intimacy between them as things often happens, when this happens, so as for the not to start feeling bad again hence writing it to get her aware beforehand. I pray the husband see this thread as she said he is also a nairalander so as for him to see what he made her passed through. Wish them all the very best.

You guys are still wasting time advising the OP? She’ll soon grow grey hairs from over thinking.

Like your parents suggested, go drop those kids at your in-laws house and watch how he crawls back to you. Seems you won’t learn until he brings in a lady as a second wife. It’s very evident.

Dropping your kids with your in-laws doesn’t mean you have abandoned them. This act will make you know what his real intentions are. If he doesn’t come for you to resolve issues, just know the marriage is done for and you only helped him finalized his plans.


Life is too short to allow a partner make it hell for you. I wish I know you personally, I for collect that phone your using to chat him and smash it. If he wants to talk to you, he’ll come around.


Better enjoy life before you grow old from trying to make a grown asx man take up his responsibilities.

wonyi:
@ watch this movies war room and why did I get married. You need to be strong to work things out. It's a woman that builds a home. You need to put your home in order.

Look for someone your husband respect like pastor or an elderly uncle or friend. Explain things to them. Remember to remain calm.

Ask yourself, are you tired of the marriage?(I supposed the answer is no)
Do u want your marriage back?(yes)

If the answer is yes, then it's time to work things out. take charge. I believe the exam period is on, after the exam please Strategies.

Try and be focused now. Do things that make u happy. You have sacrificed to build your marriage, and no one can tear your family apart. Pick points from those movies.

Everyone is trying to make their marriage work. It's not easy anywhere. Don't be DECEIVED. Some of us , have gone through worse.look for that inner strength, you are strong and brave. Build courage up.

Keep your job. When responding to your hubby be calm and don't respond harshly. Maybe being mute may help or silent treatment for now. He will get scared because he doesn't know what you are up to.

Remember to dialogue when the atmosphere is calm.communicate and know the reason for his actions. Please and please DONT BEG. you didn't do anything wrong. Once you start begging, you will keep begging. Search yourself, you know yourself. Whatever you are not doing right be get it right.

[b][/b] it's not late yet. Good luck

One of the most disgusting advice

kaziblake:
One of the most disgusting advice

Make your points without insults. Gracious God, what is wrong with this generation.

Please if u can't communicate PROPERLY, don't ever mention me!

wonyi:
Make your points without insults. Gracious God, what is wrong with this generation.

Please if u can't communicate PROPERLY, don't ever mention me!

If you don't want such comment don't always tell only the woman to work on a nonchalant man..
Sorry