colestephan86:

First u need to know that the reason u are in this situation is not cos u don't smoke, drink or so.
U have to stand your ground as the man of the house. U ain't the first to loose your job, and if when u had it, you took good care of her n if now u don't have the job anymore she has to stay n face the storm.
Tell her immediately that u will give her some time to think are decision through n that if she doesn't come back home in the next 2 months u will move on n never have her back. It's simple

Okay. Really appreciate

Tunagee:


Thanks I appreciate, Ionelydora. I hope u are not too lonely?

you never finish with one devil, you wan begin give signal to another devil. Kontinue you hear?

richard870:
Honestly bro, seek spiritual guidance / interventions for things not visible to the ordinary eyes to be revealed to you. Obviously, you love and cherish your wife, but there are forces you would have to deal with in order to have your marriage restored and also to get a job.

The simple truth is that the devil has destroyed so many unions all because people now think of the flesh alone, not minding the spiritual aspect.

Personally, I can help with some bible verses and a few things that would be of help to you

Thanks very much. A pastor even advised me to just keep praying without visiting or calling her.

Ebubenma:


Reasoning of a teenager. By the time you start clocking late thirties or forties, you'll know that family is all you need. Not prostitutes or slay Queens or surrogate mother as ur brain thinks now.

You'll need home where you'll come back and see ur kids and family. Even if it's once in a while. Wouldn't talk much until u grow more.

Hahahahahaha. Na so.

MariaAngeles:
I hope she comes to her senses before her mother finally ruins her .

Her mother is also doing this without apology. The mother told me to go get something doing. Also, to leave her for now cos there is time for everything, time to separate, time to come together, time to reconcile and so on.

Enemyofpeace:
Op seriously speaking you don't need this distraction(Yes that's what she is) now, go out and hustle, get yourself a good job and watch her and her whole family members come crawling to beg you for her return, then it will be your own turn to do whatever you need to do to teach her a very big lesson.

If you ask me, that woman does not truly love you, enough said before enemies of progress will start calling me enemy of peace.

Its true. I think an extreme abusive words to her has affected her state of mind

Tunagee:


Thanks Delishpot

Welcome

She isn't mature

Fountainofyouth:
Honestly this is sad, from all your write up, the problem started when you lost your job, meaning all was fine before then, meaning you enticed her with money when you both started dating, meaning there was never real love in the first place just love for material and financial gain, well,since she is still interested in the marriage, give her more time that she needs, do your part by calling and seeing her not just sending your mum to go there, make steps too towards getting her back cos it's obvious you both still want to be together, all the best.

P.S To all those guys that says "make money first then women will flow your way" this is the end result.

He still need to make money somehow.....its over 10months already

x

Alashoalash10:
With all you have said if it's 100% true, your mother in-law is the problem. Is the father in-law dead ?, he needs to send the lady back to her home. How do you known the mother is not arranging another marriage for her,meet your family to deliberate and take a decision on the next line of action

Yes the mother in law is the problem. However, when my family visited sometime ago, her mother said she is not giving her daughter to two men to marry. That if she decides she wants to go back to her husband, no one, not even her, the mother, can stop her. However, she was asked if she is still interested in her marriage or she was no longer interested, and her answers was that she is still interested. This is where the confusion is.

Tunagee:


A 6 year + boy

I would advice you to marry a little girl again. If she comes, welcome. If you don't love her again that is the end. Please, just look for means to take care of your children. Don't let her give you emotional distress. I'm sure by the time you're able to find a humble lady, you would have forgotten the past. I pray God provide job too

Alashoalash10:
With all you have said if it's 100% true, your mother in-law is the problem. Is the father in-law dead ?, he needs to send the lady back to her home. How do you known the mother is not arranging another marriage for her,meet your family to deliberate and take a decision on the next line of action

Her father is late

Tunagee:


Yes the mother in law is the problem. However, when my family visited sometime ago, her mother said she is not giving her daughter to two men to marry. That if she decides she wants to go back to her husband, no one, not even her, the mother, can stop her. However, she was asked if she is still interested in her marriage or she was no longer interested, and her answers was that she is still interested. This is where the confusion is.

Mr Tunagee, people are wicked they might be deceiving you with this line. Do you think it's easy for a married lady to stay away for so long like Dt? Please, don't fall for their words again

Princedapace:
This is why i always laugh when people scream, money this and that before marriage. Money is extremely important but no one should ever underplay the importance of love and other minor qualities. Bro, ur wife don waka and even if she returns, she may never remain the same. Move on bro. From the look of things, u are really attached to her.

U married a woman who couldnt stay with u during the storm. When people scream, money and size of pocket and over emphasize the importance and down play the importance of true love, i smile. They dont know anything. Person wey get better job today can be sacked tomorrow. Nothing is guaranteed in life. Nothing.

Someone whose business is doing fine may take a downward movement tomorrow. This is why one need to test the ability of a partner to remain with u during dry seasons. My bro, u didnt marry a great woman. Im sorry, move on. she is not coming back. All these she is doing is to see if u can bounce back financially. If u do, she will return, if u dont, bye bye. Well, i would suggest as u hustle, pls find someone else. And this time, calm down marry person wey no go leave u run because of life challenges.

I really appreciate your advise. Thanks

babeosisi:


Chao
I feel for you.Ndo.She is very immature.
There was a time my husband had no paying job for about 2 years and worked as a volunteer.I was the only earner. my parents came to stay with us for 4 months and never knew of this.
Your wife is foolish but please be patient with her

The truth is she has never been intelligent, and does very annoying things, hence my verbal abusive nature towards her. The worst part is that she allows her mother to be dictating terms for her

Please, take heart. Pray to God for His guidance. Look for another one. Settle down! Move on

SirVintageCock:
Nairalands whinny boys club!!!!!!!!!!!

The era of guys sobbing about their marriage is just starting.

You got it bro.
Pusssy niggers everywhere.
Opportunity wey you go use de carry 2 baby every night,even as I've never been a womaniser,learn new vices.
Mtchewwww

Tunagee:


wow! thank you

You're saying "wow... Thank you, " thank God you admitted you use negative words on her when provoked. Do you know what that does to a woman? Especially one of her age? Emotional abuse is the worse kind of abuse anyone can face. The words will keep resounding in your ears even years later. Who knows what you said to her that made her leave.

Let me tell you the truth, nature has made it that for married couples, the man should be the head and sole provider of the family especially if you guys started your marriage that way. And when you lost your job, the reaction was normal of a typical woman. It was your responsibility as a man to assure her that you'll get something better.

You are the man, the leader. A leader is always in the business of reassuring his followers. But what did you do? You turned into a fellow woman and was trading words with her.

If you want her back and you have her phone number, recall every single negative word you said concerning her and send her a text apologizing for each of them. You can also choose to visit her and apologize.

To think she even had to take up a teaching job to help out and you are here painting her black. Men should never go verbal on their wives if they want peace. It's a woman thing. If you do it, your wife will begin to feel she is living with a fellow woman, and you know how women hardly stay together. She will leave (if she is peaceful) or make life unbearable for you in her own little way.

You have been trying to get her back because you know she is a good woman, even though not the best. Why don't you drop your ego, apologize genuinely, and pray continually to God to lift you?

Bros she is yours since you already married her. Money or no money go claim her back and bring her home then talk senses into her.

babeosisi:


I feel for you.Ndo.She is very immature.
There was a time my husband had no paying job for about 2 years and worked as a volunteer.I was the only earner. my parents came to stay with us for 4 months and never knew of this.
Your wife is foolish but please be patient with her.I can't imagine how painful this is for you.
How about her dad,what's his opinion or the wife wears the trouser in the house.
I pray you get a job soon.

Her dad is late. Her mum is second wife out of 8 wives in a polygamous set up, but her mum had all her children for same man, and she is still in her husband's house

J111333:
That's my guess too, that mother in law is up to something, I can smell it. This man needs to keep calm and watch their next move before he reacts. If he acts too early, all blames will be heaped on him so let him keep calm, cease all communications to enable them act out their plans before he reacts.

Arranging another marriage would mean she has to divorce first, we are legally married. However, her mother keeps saying she is not ready to give her daughter to two men to marry, and that they don't do such in their family.

Economy1:
wrong foundation

I tell you. I know the beginning was faulty.

[color=#990000][/color][quote Wow �. You just said it as I love to. ���author=Fountainofyouth post=80394802]Honestly this is sad, from all your write up, the problem started when you lost your job, meaning all was fine before then, meaning you enticed her with money when you both started dating, meaning there was never real love in the first place just love for material and financial gain, well,since she is still interested in the marriage, give her more time that she needs, do your part by calling and seeing her not just sending your mum to go there, make steps too towards getting her back cos it's obvious you both still want to be together, all the best.

P.S To all those guys that says "make money first then women will flow your way" this is the end result.[/quote]

Tunagee:


Father is late

That's why you have no ally in the family, yu should try reaching out to an elder (prefarably male) in the extended family.

Tunagee:


Bro, I thought of it, but my faith as a christian won't allow me. More so, am from a broken home so I know what separation is, and the effect on the kids. Thirdly, the courts can take some years to divorce couples, especially when they don't see any tangible reason, and in the end, they tell couples to go settle their differences, especially when one spouse still shows interest. Am in my early 40's

The fact you are from a broken home shows you need serious prayers to save your marriage as the demons that attacked your parents marriage are coming for yours.
These things are very much real and if not stopped they will come for your children too when the time comes. Though many will not believe it but I'm saying this from experience.
Also its good before your pick a lady to check out the kind of woman she has as a mother because usually mother's have a very profound influence in a lady's life. Did you not check out her ma and know the kind of woman she was before tying the knot?

Tunagee:


Thank you skywalker240. I appreciate your encouragement and moral support. God bless you.

God bless you, it is well with you.

Mummymahdi:



No its not all women sir, i am married for 16yrs now, from d beginning my husband do reports me few times but i desist that a lot with time he understood
We can settle our differences on our own thats d foundation i laid and till today i have never ever him to my parent ever, i once reported him to his superior at work cos he is like a father to him but never to his own parents or mine, nothing kills marriage like exposing d weaknesses of ur spouse to ur own family. U didnt train ur wife not to include third party in running ur home. One thing i know for sure she still loves u, she hates whats she is doing when she is alone. She isnt responsible enough only u can correct her, go tru her real friend or keep meeting her, she needs direction and both of u will b ok

I think, to a large extent, I did not manage my home well; always intolerant, and angry at her slightest provocation. She originally did not use to take issues o her family, buy I think the issue started to get out of hand cos of my excesses.

Hedonini:
This kind of thing keeps happening to 'good' guys who don't drink and womanise. It's not a coincidence. There is a sociological explanation for this. There is a pattern to it, and the facts speak for themselves.

The fact that he doesn't have any of d regular guys' vices is why d wife is still staying out cos she feels he's harmless.
If she hear say some other chicos done de sleep over for her matrimonial bed, na speed she go use run come house.

Mstick:
I GUESS I AM THE ONLY ONE THAT READ WHERE THR OP ADMITTED TO BE VERBALLY ABUSIVE. HEY! THIS DUDE INSULTS HIS WIFE AND SHE'S EXPECTED TO BEAR IT BECAUSE HE "MARRIED HER"?

AN ALMOST 40 YEAR OLD WOMAN BEING TONGUE LASHED BY HER HUSBAND ISN'T WRONG IN Y'ALL EYES? HOW CAN YOU BE JOBLESS AND ABUSIVE AT THE SAME TIME?

THE FOOLS ASKING HIM TO GET A GIRLFRIEND OR DIVORCE, I HOPE YOU IDIOTS WILL BE WILLING TO FINANCE IT. A 44 YEAR OLD MAN HASN'T SEEN HIS SON SINCE JANUARY AND EVERYBODY IS OK WITH THAT.

The truth about me is that I don't paint blue, black. O always say things the way they are,hence my admittance of being vocally abusive to my wife. I appreciate your comment, and I know I did not manage my emotions well, especially towards my wife.

Tunagee:
My wife started behaving strangely immediately I lost my job in April 2017. She leaves home to her mum at the slightest disagreement without even communicating or making to express her feelings; and to worsen it, her mum gives her a great welcome with a room and parlour for her to stay, without even calling me to discuss what the problem. Whatever her daughter says is always the final, and she concludes on that.

My wife literarily destroyed my image before my in-laws to such an extent that I can't even visit them again. She tells them i insult her and her parents, and i make negative remarks about them, that i abuse her verbally at the slightest provocation. Several lies against me that I did not allow her travel out, I don't give her money, I told her not to have another kid, that I told her not to work, her mother has decided to keep her with her as I speak without even calling me to discuss, even despite all my appeals. She has been with her mum now for almost ten months(my wife is a fully grown legally married faithful woman of almost 40 years)

All these disrespect, probably cos I lost my job two years ago of which I fulfilled all responsibilities to the home. i don't drink, i don't smoke, don't womanise(even till now) I have never beaten her, I never another child out of my matrimonial home, and never impregnated another woman.

Rather than resolve her marital problem by discussing with her husband, she takes it to her family claiming emotional abuse. Fine, I agree I get provoked cos of her persistent shortcomings, and of course, frustration which leads to unguided vocal utterances towards her, but this could have been resolved easily without having to involve her whole family. Now what she keeps telling my family is that her family said she should still hold on at her mum's place. This is the 10th month since October 2018.

The last time my mum went to her mum's house precisely June last month, she was asked if she was still interested in her marriage, and she said yes, that she does not intend leaving her marriage; but we should give her time. Her mother practically told me to go and do something meaningful, and that there is time to marry, separate, reunite and hustle. Her mum is the one controlling her movements and everything about her for now; not even giving her room to give me audience.

Pls advise on what to do.

We are legally married.

Money stops bullshit.

Secondly, stop giving her attention.

You are fuelling her stupidity...

Husband scarce, your own con dey misbehave.

[quote author=Tunagee post=80394471] There is a common thing about humans, when you appear to be needy they become moee difficult to get through to. Stop begging, you have done enough.

Your mother inlaw left you a subtle solution, get something doing, go and look for work,have a source of income .

Secondly she said you should give her time, them give her time,there are some things you just cant fight, right now you are the common equation between her and her mother, remove yourself from the emotion and see how long before friction sets in between them.

If you have kids, call her and tell her you want to speak with the kids, speak with them and tell them to greet mummy and end your call,you only want to hear from the kids not her.
She needs to see those who truly want her progress and those who don't. And for now you trying to convince her that her mom doesn't want her good will meet stiff resistance.Take care of your kids by proxy and leave her alone, letting your kids know you still care should be your main goal.

And lastly work on your mouth, there are more civilized ways to pass a message across without being abusive. Oga forget say we dey curse ourselves for nairaland, don't take that attitude to your significant other o.