₦airaland Forum

pansophist:
Like the old saying "no one can make you a slave without your consent", and that rings everly true in the situation at hand. She has left, disrespected the integrity of your shared matrimony, and as far she is concerned, released herself from the obligation to commit to you. She has proven that the marital oath of "for better for worse" is void, a symbolic rehearsal instead of a qualitative virtue. My friend, you've done your best, leave her to her vices and play your cards to exhibit strength.

In every human relationship, the one that needs the other most has all the power. The power dynamic is favouring her, since you're the one begging for her resumption to the union, she has all the cards, hence, you're emasculating yourself by being the party who needs her. She is cashing on your desperation and ignorance of game dynamics.

Hopefully, you should have learnt by now that just as women accuse men of seeing them as sex object, they themselves see men as success object. Your value to her (and women generally) is not intrinsic, but extrinsic, she likes you base on the man you've built yourself to be. Women do not love the male (a biological prerequisite), but the man (self-built). Its sad that you have to loose your financial capability to reach this timeless truism, albeit, it is never too late for you to get a better, younger, more beautiful woman because unlike her, she has already depreciated in sexual market value, while yours is sharply on its peak. Go make money, improve your life and have fun with other ladies. You're under no obligation to be faithful to a union when the other party have broken it. Live a life worth admiring and I guarantee, as I've seen over and over, she will come begging but then remember, a leopard can not change its spots.

Women values relationship more than men, men value short flings more than women. You probably married her young, and she is under the illusion that there will be unlimited amount of men queuing to wife her up if she signify her availability status, well, she will learn a bitter lesson, and when she does, do not be the "captain save a hoe", in life, there are consequences, and she must live it. If there is a perfect time to man up, it is now.

All the best mate.

you have a point

openmine:
I believe you perused his initial post!
Why seek to bring her back when the only 'romantic' language she comprehends is MONEY?

Mr Perusal lol. How much are we talking about here? 80k a month. Lool. He wasnt rich my dear. She left him because she felt she was living with a man with a dead vision and all he did was talk her down. No woman wants that. Please be logical in your thinking and dont just jump to conclusion about anything concerning women. There are bad ones just like we also have bad Men. Peace

Hipsofagoddess:
You're saying "wow... Thank you, " thank God you admitted you use negative words on her when provoked. Do you know what that does to a woman? Especially one of her age? Emotional abuse is the worse kind of abuse anyone can face. The words will keep resounding in your ears even years later. Who knows what you said to her that made her leave.

Let me tell you the truth, nature has made it that for married couples, the man should be the head and sole provider of the family especially if you guys started your marriage that way. And when you lost your job, the reaction was normal of a typical woman. It was your responsibility as a man to assure her that you'll get something better.

You are the man, the leader. A leader is always in the business of reassuring his followers. But what did you do? You turned into a fellow woman and was trading words with her.

If you want her back and you have her phone number, recall every single negative word you said concerning her and send her a text apologizing for each of them. You can also choose to visit her and apologize.

To think she even had to take up a teaching job to help out and you are here painting her black. Men should never go verbal on their wives if they want peace. It's a woman thing. If you do it, your wife will begin to feel she is living with a fellow woman, and you know how women hardly stay together. She will leave (if she is peaceful) or make life unbearable for you in her own little way.

You have been trying to get her back because you know she is a good woman, even though not the best. Why don't you drop your ego, apologize genuinely, and pray continually to God to lift you?

Your words are harsh, but truthful. I really appreciate the hard truth. You are a psychologist, you said it as it is. This is exactly what is going on.

SlimzDboss:
Bros she is yours since you already married her. Money or no money go claim her back and bring her home then talk senses into her.

Thanks

gulfer:
That's why you have no ally in the family, yu should try reaching out to an elder (prefarably male) in the extended family.

Thanks bro

themanderon:
The fact you are from a broken home shows you need serious prayers to save your marriage as the demons that attacked your parents marriage are coming for yours.
These things are very much real and if not stopped they will come for your children too when the time comes. Though many will not believe it but I'm saying this from experience.
Also its good before your pick a lady to check out the kind of woman she has as a mother because usually mother's have a very profound influence in a lady's life. Did you not check out her ma and know the kind of woman she was before tying the knot?

Her mum was very pleasant, though a 'no nonsense' person

Lexusgs430:
Ever heard of a word called 'Divorce'?......

i wonder oooo




too many weaklings on this planet its disgraceful

dokiOloye:
The fact that he doesn't have any of d regular guys' vices is why d wife is still staying out cos she feels he's harmless.
If she hear say some other chicos done de sleep over for her matrimonial bed, na speed she go use run come house.

The problem is I find it difficult to indulge in such. Its not part of me. However, if its gonna yield result, its worth trying; am actually the guilty culprit here and don't wanna further complicate issues. Thanks for the advice too

Tunagee:
Bro, I thought of it, but my faith as a christian won't allow me. More so, am from a broken home so I know what separation is, and the effect on the kids. Thirdly, the courts can take some years to divorce couples, especially when they don't see any tangible reason, and in the end, they tell couples to go settle their differences, especially when one spouse still shows interest. Am in my early 40's

all these your talk de really vex me!


woman that is probably svcking someones dick right now.



nonsense

Every man deserves a respect and it is the birthright of every man according to my Bible.
Open your bible from Ephesians
5:22-33 and also 1Peter 3 to 22.

Man is the head of the family that need to be respected weather married or single , wealthy or poor.

quote author=funmisticqueen post=80426992]Not every man deserves respect, respect is not your birthright,you earn it.Stop being ENTITLED[/quote]

Tunagee:
The truth is she has never been intelligent, and does very annoying things, hence my verbal abusive nature towards her. The worst part is that she allows her mother to be dictating terms for her

You knowingly married an unintelligent woman?
What was your attraction?
Her breasts?
Whatever attracted you should be strong enough to keep you.
Let this be a lesson to the young people out there
Choose wisely
I don't even want to comment on your admitted verbal abuse since i see you are already in pain.
Since you admit you have a problem there,tell her the same and stop abusing her verbally.
I would also leave you if I were her

400billionman:
Money stops bullshit.

Secondly, stop giving her attention.

You are fuelling her stupidity...

Husband scarce, your own con dey misbehave.

You are right 400billionman. Its my mum that has been doing the pleading and visiting and av told her to stop, she won't listen. I last communicated and saw her on Jan 1st new year day.

[quote author=blindjustice13 post=80411707][/quote]Thanks so much blindjustice13. Your words are highly appreciated

Tunagee:
Your words are harsh, but truthful. I really appreciate the hard truth. You are a psychologist, you said it as it is. This is exactly what is going on.

I'm sorry for the harsh words, but I must also commend you for your honesty in including your shortcomings. Some other people would have painted themselves as angels.

Tunagee:
You are right 400billionman. Its my mum that has been doing the pleading and visiting and av told her to stop, she won't listen. I last communicated and saw her on Jan 1st new year day.

Make one more attempt
Call her and apologize for being verbally abusive and decide to stop being abusive and then double up efforts to find a job or start something.
If she doesn't come back,you forget her and move on with your life ,you would have tried your best.
It takes 2 to be in a marriage.You can't force her
Her mother is obviously foolish
One of 8 wives,she obviously doesn't know what love or marriage is with her community marriage and is in no place to advise her daughter properly.
Tell your mother to stop going to beg them.They are not your life.
Be a man and determine to forge ahead.
You won't do well in any job interviews going with a defeated attitude.
Time to build up your self esteem,hang out with people that speak positive things into you and those who lift you up. .look up to Christ if you are a Christian.
I wish you the best

Starlight10:
Mr Perusal lol. How much are we talking about here? 80k a month. Lool. He wasnt rich my dear. She left him because she felt she was living with a man with a dead vision and all he did was talk her down. No woman wants that. Please be logical in your thinking and dont just jump to conclusion about anything concerning women. There are bad ones just like we also have bad Men. Peace

unless you don't understand the meaning the word 'peruse'!

Please enlighten me better about women who leave their matrimonial homes when their hubbies lose their jobs....

Was he not providing for the family with that 80k?

Was he not carrying out his responsibilities as a husband and father?

How many men at his age can boast of a house of their own esp in naija?

So the proverbial scales fell down from her eyes the moment her hubby lost his job....she then decided to walk away from her marriage because according to her skewed mentality,he has a 'dead vision' because he lost his job?

Its obvious you didn't peruse his initial post because you would see where she also insulted him too...so we can conclude that the insults were mutual!

Golden41:
better my bro. Just make urself better. And if u discover she's cheating on u. Divorce her. Am a woman too. I hate what I don't like

Thank you Golden41. God bless you real good.

victorazyvictor:
Oga pretend you dont care and focus of looking for another way of earning money to revive your life again. Stop chasing woman and focus your life. MAKE CASH AND SEE HER CROWLING ON HER KNEELS BEGGING U UPANDAN

Thanks

tunjilana:
Oga...This woman never loved U...Stop punishing yourself and wasting ur energy

Firstly go hustle and when your hustle pure never ever think of taking her back...trust me that is what the mother meant by saying "go and find something doing...there is time to reconcile"....

Secondly make your child your priority...find a way to be involved and let it be very clear that she is not your concern but ur child...get a lawyer if possible and document your terms of settlement...i.e. what u will fund and when and how u will access ur son...Dont show any anger, love or emotion what so ever...just come for your son...

Thirdly...start mingling and dating...this time ignore liabilities for anything serious....Any woman u want to considee marrying should have a meaningful means of livelihood...to achieve this u must have a meaningful means of livelihood too....

Let her stop occupying your mind...focus on improving yourself and meeting new women

Thanks for the brilliant contribution

Kiezodumah:
Out of many replies, this one struck me. Upon seeing his post by OP my heart beat increased a bit and my mind quickly raced back to my own relationship. I just had to do a bit of thinking ; how we started,grew,understood each other, loved one another just to mention a fe. I had to think about these all in a flash. I then asked myself" hope is she isn't capable of this kind of story I am reading here?" .. I recalled there was a time I wasn't working for about 4 months. There was this perceived tension in me as man,in the air, in the relationship. I could feel it .Though I had some money but it was budgeted already and she knew about it.. I went for an interview to resume work the next month, she had started to remind me about some monetary duties. I was furious and didnt take it likely with her. We talked about it later and moved on.
This thread most ladies/ women would avoid it cos it just the truth. Why are women like this? Why is that when a man loses his job and perhaps the wife is working ,all hell would be let loosed but the case is not same when it reversed?.....
OP, the only reason you shud listen to those calling for divorce is on the grounds of infidelity ,otherwise nothing more. U think it's easy to dissolve a marriage ? Hope she is not cheating at her mum's place ?. Perhaps u guys u need to see a marriage counselor or therapist. It would do a great good. Women are the same in that aspect of job loss issues o. I tell u my broda.The wife wey still good sef go still support for sometime before u go begin dey see her Oda side .
A wife must be willing to support her husband in all aspects. She should also go and work . You ought to have sorted this out even before marriage. If she says odawise about this ,then na one chance woman u marry o. Just dissolve that marriage cos of ur children's future . For if u build a business fortress for this type, ur offsprings may not get the chance to inherit am. She go lavish the money.
All the best bro.

Tnx for the advise

Mydazz:
Your problem right now is your finances not your wife's distance,...... if the kids are with her and they are being taken good care of then focus on getting back on your game financially. Because at the end of the day it's going to be one of the reasons she'll want to come back.
Use this free time to take bold steps.

Thanks

Fountainofyouth:
Honestly this is sad, from all your write up, the problem started when you lost your job, meaning all was fine before then, meaning you enticed her with money when you both started dating, meaning there was never real love in the first place just love for material and financial gain, well,since she is still interested in the marriage, give her more time that she needs, do your part by calling and seeing her not just sending your mum to go there, make steps too towards getting her back cos it's obvious you both still want to be together, all the best.

P.S To all those guys that says "make money first then women will flow your way" this is the end result.

Which kind of love thrives on lack??
You final statement doesn't correlate, what do you mean??

Unrated900:
She asked you to give her time so as

If she will find someone better than you in short time and if she does not she will return

Did you invest while making money

Did you have a house on your own

Sell anything to stand up back to life

And let her go.

She has deny you when you needed her

If truly your stories are true then you will stand upright back in short time.

When God has lifted you back do not accept her anymore.

Thanks for the advise. Privilege to have a home of my own. Currently working as an agency banker in a remote location.

MamaEEE:
It might b a spiritual attack on ur marriage since you are coming from a broken home pray and hear from God... Let the HOLY SPIRIT direct you...
In other news, I know of friend who had this same issue in his marriage, wife left home tru the help of her mother after 2kids and was pregnant with another. Bcs the husband lost his job, this begged for close to 2years or more the wife and mother inlaw refused... The guy had to let go and move on with his life. Traveled on a trip to Abuja , met a girl der whom dey later got married and moved to Germany living happy...
As I speak to you the X wife is out der selling hand made liquid soap, her mum drove her out of the house that she is disturbing her make friends . She tried coming bck but the guy has moved on... She old by force, in her case she was manner less, no send her husband family... When she moved out told the guy she was no longer interested...
So in your case the decision is in your hands , if after praying she still refuse to come u no get chioce ooo, you have to move on, not a most u most re marry, focus on ur self and ur child... But first thing first get a JOB... All the best

Thank you for this comment Mamaeee. I really appreciate

Jabioro:
Leave that bitch good for nothing woman and see your life turned better,if you climbed that hill again you will never get down well.. don't listen to any religious or inspirational or this and that marriage preach.. just closed your heart and move on .You bless or curse me with this token later..

Jabioro! Tnx I appreciate you.

mapet:
1. This is the one of the notion that promote ills in families and society. If the wife claims emotional abuse, I probably will empatize, but to premise her staying in marriage on financial condition of the husband? Such a woman does not deserve to be in marriage.

2. My brother, respect "earned" by money is not respect, in fact it is sycophancy

Thanks. You are appreciated

openmine:
unless you don't understand the meaning the word 'peruse'!

Please enlighten me better about women who leave their matrimonial homes when their hubbies lose their jobs....

Was he not providing for the family with that 80k?

Was he not carrying out his responsibilities as a husband and father?

How many men at his age can boast of a house of their own esp in naija?

So the proverbial scales fell down from her eyes the moment her hubby lost his job....she then decided to walk away from her marriage because according to her skewed mentality,he has a 'dead vision' because he lost his job?

Its obvious you didn't peruse his initial post because you would see where she also insulted him too...so we can conclude that the insults were mutual!

did you read where he said she left when he lost his job? No. She left because of the constant bickering. Not all humans are wired to stand that. If she wasnt a good wife to him trust me he wont be bothering to get her back after such a long time. I dont know the kind of relationships you have been in, trust me not all issues boil down to money or golddigging. So many women have filed for divorce from wealthy men as well. So calm down. I advised him to either seek for divorce or try to woe her back by showing the romantic side of him as it is obvious he still loves her. Peace

VRDroid:
It is commendable that you have the courage to speak out. But have you noticed that you are addicted to the thought of your wife?

To get your wife back, you must first of all, forget about her totally. Both you and your wife are now entangled, totally connected on a quantum level and to break through your addiction to the pain of the love, you must become a new creature, which means the things you do now, you wll no longer do them and the things you do not do, you must begin to do them. So, when your brain wave changes to a different resonance frequency, you will be psychically disconnected from your wife and that is when magic happens.

Unfortunately, you will not believe and will not take the following advice, but here lies the solution;

The things you do, that you should not do;
1. Disconnect your mind from the thought of your wife, kill the thoughts once it comes into your head.
2. Delete her number from your phone and any location you can find it. And do not call her even if you have the number in your mind.
3. Do not pick her calls even if she calls, and never pick at all except she returns, which will certainly happen if you follow this advice.
4. Do not talk to any of her relatives and do not answer their calls. And if you eventually do, tell them you are no longer interested in her.
5. Remove all her cloths and accessories from site and store them in boxes so you do not see them.

The things you do not do, which you must do;
1. A little alcoholic red wine, just very little to change your brainwave. Jesus turned water to wine.
2. Get green Cannabis (the one created by God, for healing of nations ) and make tea for yourself with it every morning to deprogram your subconscious mind and nervous system and alter wife's addiction pattern.
3. Get a lady friend, and I mean a great beauty that can actually mentally replace your wife, what you do with her about from loving friendship is up to you, if I was the one, she wll be my companion on bed.


With these strategies, within months your thoughts pattern will change and the addiction to your wife and the thoughts of her will break and connection to her will be deactivated and both of you will no longer be entangled.

Once that happens, your wife will return as a prodigal son, and you will give her condition for forgiveness.

The above is practically the solution, the other alternative is Meditation and I do not mean prayer, I mean meditating till you connect to the Unified field, until your sub-conscious mind resets. And she must also do same, if she does it and you do it, you will see your dreams begin to change and the energy vampire destroying your marriage will not be able to handle the new vibration.

After this you will equally get a job. It is magic. A practical way to get your desires.

Those are the two ways, and I recommend you do both. You are over 40 and have nothing to loose.

GUYYYYY, U BAD!

I WISH I WAS LUCKY ENOUGH TO GET THIS ADVICE WHEN I HAD MY FIRST BREAKUP. IT WAS HELL, NOT USING DRINK OR SMOKE OR ANYTHING BUT MENTALLY BLOCKING IT OFF FOR MONTHS. AND WITHOUT A GIRL TOO AT THE TIME.

I HOPE NEVER TO BREAK UP WITH MY CURRENT GIRL NOW AS SHE ABLY REPLACED THE FORMER AND STOLE MY HEART AGAIN, MUCH TO MY UNBELIEF. BUT THEN I WILL STILL BE SAVING THIS YOUR POST.

Gloriagee:
Why do you badly want a woman with 'persistent shortcomings' to come back to you who doesn't do anything wrong?

Still wondering how she destroyed your image by telling them the truth about your unguided vocal utterances. Wetin person no go hear. That woman is in no rush to return and you know why, ur words have extinguished any feelings she may have had for you.

Work on yourself. You dont have to say anything while you are boiling. Excuse yourself and stew for a bit. Apologize sincerely to your wife for every unguided utterance in the past and promise to turn a new leaf.

People have advised me on not talking much when am angry. Thanks, I admit my mistake

mapet:
I have one simple advise for you. - Maintain your calm. Don't call her again, don't beg her and her mother, just continue hustling to re-position yourself in life. In a year or two, you would have had a lot of deep introspection and re-discovery of yourself. Within this period, you will get answers to your question like;

1. If she will come back, will it be after you have financially recovered? or before? and what does that tell you about how she values you?
2. If she doesn't come back, what does it mean to you, and how will you forge ahead in life

Most importantly, take care of YOU at this stage. Check your vitals regularly. Embark on new personal projects. Don't look at your age, volunteer to be an apprentice in a good business - 3yrs later you should be trading on your own. Even if is a simple business of going to buy agric produce in the north and sell down south. Rebuild yourself.

wow! thanks. You have encouraged a dying soul

do you have a job now? Maybe thats the issue , how can one be at home for 2 years?

Tunagee:
Thanks so much blindjustice13. Your words are highly appreciated

dont mention.