₦airaland Forum

Tunagee:
Exactly my thoughts!

I was once there?

erifeoluwasimi:
Bro, divorce is not an option i am glad you know that already
You should close her chapter to help you focus. Just pray that God will change her heart.
Thank God you know the effect of a broken home. That experience has been the reason I and my husband don't allow our misunderstanding get out of our home. We don't want such for the kids. I pray God will restore your home.

Thanks for the advice.I appreciate

Chinny024:
Please,keep on praying for open doors,and financial breakthrough....It might seem difficult and hard now,but you shall conquer...
Meanwhile,be sending your child support no matter the little....
Where do you worship?...I recommend OPM...though am not a member of the church but I see such cases being handled on my Cable/ Facebook testimonies...

Congratulations in advance!!!

Thanks dear

Danbull:
Exactly what I am going thru in my own marriage too. Is ur wife from ondo state or ijebu?

Osun

mostyg:
Never marry in the court. It's like knowingly putting yourself in the prison.

When your sweetheart comes with his/ her other side and you have to wait 2 years before you could seek divorce, things become clearer.

Exactly

Sarah20A:
your wife still love u but she's confused.she's was not mentally prepared for marriage.if you've done your best to bring her home and she refused then give her space,take your mind off her and channel your energy on how to get a new job.when she sees that you've ignored her she'll come back.

Sarah20A thank you. I think you are right. Hv ignored her since January 1st,but my mum keeps talking to her against my will, and it's further damaging things

spongeisback:
Majority of nairalanders are pure idiots with low IQ. How can you support a man that is abusive towards his wife? He doesn't provide for his family and he's also abusive. I read one idiot's comment saying he has a right to abuse his wife, like seriously? When did a woman become an inanimate object?

OP you're a wicked man. I've no pity for you because it's obvious you have broken that woman. Both you and your useless pastor that asked you not to visit your family would get what's coming. GTFOH here. Age is just a number and maturity doesn't always come with age as you've displayed.

To all those supporting the OP I hope you can stand someone insulting you and your family, if you can't and you're using your dirty fingers to type shït, then like the OP you're a big hypocrite.

At least I admitted I was abusive. If you confess your sin to God, won't he forgive u? I did not paint myself good either, unlike some posters do; so accord me that respect and advice me, if you have any.thanks

Skepticus:
I like the fact that you admitted your mistakes. A lot of us here, giving advice too, don't probably have perfect relationship and marriages too.

Just pick the vital points from everyone who responded to your post.

I'm not a fan of marriage because of the recent disadvantage it puts against men. Women have never had the sort of liberation and emancipation in history like they have done since the sexual revolution. They have used this freedom to great lengths and abused it massively in the process. The greatest victims are men in the western world and its gradually seeping in here. I have a son though and I have a good relationship with the mother who is married to another man. It's enough for me.

In your next quest with women, avoid women from broken homes or abusive parents. Most (not all) are usually damaged and may be good outside till circumstances bring out the demons in them. Also, make sure you deal with ladies who are actively working or doing business (it doesn't stop you from having casual beddings with younger ladies who are only out for the money. Don't take it further with them).

You probably may not be very comfortable with the advice I gave since I noticed that you are a conscientious Christian. But then, pick your bible and read about the great men and patriarchs in the bible. These men controlled their homes and the "madness" of their women. They were no punk.

Thank for the advise. she is actually from a polygamous home

otherway:
Hehehe

Bro this is the best advise you will ever get here cos I'm advising you from vivid personal experience...

Go to her family"s house and let them.know you love her but you will let her be hoping she comes back to her senses and that if she is truly done then let her file for divorce then let her be and focus on your life and how to get back on your feet.

Is there any child or children between you two? If yes it even makes it more difficult for her and if NO it changes nothing..

When time reach nah she go carry herself come back come meet you.

Good one. Thanks. We have a son. Almost 7 years

otherway:
Sometimes I laugh when I see advise coming from those who have no clue of what the OP is passing through...

I have lived the experience 200% and I can tell you there was no verbal abuse at all but the OP is so confused at the moment that he is trying to attach a reason to why she left.

She left cos he lost his job and frustrations were setting in for her...

Ladies can play the victim card...

My wife left because I was down and out at a point and she told her family the exact thing the OP narrated...infact s i was reading the story it was as if I was reading my own story...but guess what...the lady walked back to me after 2years then I was the one who finally did the ditching.

Some ladies are impatient and this is why I tell men to make sure their wives have a very good source of income so that they can withstand pressure when the going gets tough for the husband.

I must confess bro, I was totally abusive with my utterances cos I was usually provoked, and allowed my emotions to overwhelm me. A night before she left, I also scolded her angrily using phrases like ''hate you'' ''your mother killed her stepson'' and
that ''you have mouth odour''. I am 100% guilty of abuse cos of my business not doing well, and also cos she was no longer willing to discuss with me whenever I scolded her abusively. She only used the opportunity to leave since things were equally not picking up. My kinda person, I always say things the way they are, I don't paint blue, black. I always admit when am wrong, and very straightforward. The truth is, I did not have the emotional
intelligence to manage my home. Being a woman too, who could not manage or control her man, she left immaturely.

Tunagee:
Good one. Thanks. We have a son. Almost 7 years

Relax bro...she is definitely coming back..mine had no child for me yet she came back.

Forget the fact that you were abusive to her and work back yourself to the top and watch.

I called mine a LovePeddler and a slut....we all are humans...

haweezee:
pray for open doors so that God will bless u, once u start making money your marital problems will be solve.

Thanks. Exactly

adun99:
[Lets roll... Lets be good friends first..guess you are bored



quote author=Tunagee post=80394471]My wife started behaving strangely immediately I lost my job in April 2017. She leaves home to her mum at the slightest disagreement without even communicating or making to express her feelings; and to worsen it, her mum gives her a great welcome with a room and parlour for her to stay, without even calling me to discuss what the problem. Whatever her daughter says is always the final, and she concludes on that.

My wife literarily destroyed my image before my in-laws to such an extent that I can't even visit them again. She tells them i insult her and her parents, and i make negative remarks about them, that i abuse her verbally at the slightest provocation. Several lies against me that I did not allow her travel out, I don't give her money, I told her not to have another kid, that I told her not to work, her mother has decided to keep her with her as I speak without even calling me to discuss, even despite all my appeals. She has been with her mum now for almost ten months(my wife is a fully grown legally married faithful woman of almost 40 years)

All these disrespect, probably cos I lost my job two years ago of which I fulfilled all responsibilities to the home. i don't drink, i don't smoke, don't womanise(even till now) I have never beaten her, I never another child out of my matrimonial home, and never impregnated another woman.

Rather than resolve her marital problem by discussing with her husband, she takes it to her family claiming emotional abuse. Fine, I agree I get provoked cos of her persistent shortcomings, and of course, frustration which leads to unguided vocal utterances towards her, but this could have been resolved easily without having to involve her whole family. Now what she keeps telling my family is that her family said she should still hold on at her mum's place. This is the 10th month since October 2018.

The last time my mum went to her mum's house precisely June last month, she was asked if she was still interested in her marriage, and she said yes, that she does not intend leaving her marriage; but we should give her time. Her mother practically told me to go and do something meaningful, and that there is time to marry, separate, reunite and hustle. Her mum is the one controlling her movements and everything about her for now; not even giving her room to give me audience.

Pls advise on what to do.

We are legally married.

How do u mean?

Bakarejr10:
Some women are for money when you have but run away when you are tested from God, God reveals everything for you sir,, any woman that can stand with her husband that have problems is not a woman but she's a cheater.. I advice continues your hustles and plan to marry another woman that has matured enough and God will control everything.. For your wife she has already break the law, she has show,, she can't stay with problems,, let her stay with her people.. We don't need her more please

Thanks for your advice

specter:
You don't need a wife. Go find your work. Let your work come before your wife. You lost your job not your work.

Discover your work and pursue it day and night. You cant keep a woman without a work. Except she loves you for you and not what you can offer.

That's exactly what her mum is telling you. Your wife is a bank not your saving Sarah or your help-meet. Just listen and you will hear what everyone is saying, even your parents.

Most women are like banks. They offer you help when you are doing well cos they want to reap some of the fruits of your doing well. Same reason banks will only offer the rich and wealthy loans as against the common man having only a great business plan nothing more. No one believes in you until you have something to offer or actually brings something to the table.

Once winter comes, they abandon you till you are able to find your way back to winning ways. No bank lends to a broke man and even refinancing is a death trap. That's the exact way a woman's brain works. Didn't the Bible say that the family of the poor dispises him?

My exact point? Move on and manifest your self by becoming what exactly everyone thinks you can't become.

Channel your energy into winning. Start something for yourself, matter how little. Channel all energies you have hitherto reserved your wife that she is refusing into growing it.

Transform these energy into something productive and watch what becomes of her. Don't waste words on her.

Women easily forget all hurtful things they say to you but hold on to one single word you said back, even twist and misconstrue same just to heap all the blames on you as long as it makes them feel good about themselves and their image. They always want you to confirm to that image they have programmed for you whether you like it or not.

Focus the next five years on your life on growing. You are only growing in age and nothing more. Very soon you will be 50. Just two world cups away. Will you be having this discussion at 50? God forbid!

That's what nature is telling you. Learn. Move on and become productive. Don't reach out but let her hear news.

You are not listening. Listen to your self I beg you.

If the kids are a problem, by that, I mean sapping you emotionally, get a close female friend to help especially with your daughters and hustle.

Go out, see places and breath. All your focus should be on how to get back to winning ways.

Women naturally love comfort.

Don't kill yourself. If you do, she will move on. And you are the ultimate loser.

As a married man like yourself, I would advise you take these emotional games with a pitch of salt, box all the deja-moo ( repeating bull.shit) into a safe box specially created in your heart, lock that box and ghost the key mentally in the interim.

You seem an introvert like myself. Quit been pansy. Go to the beach, see a movie, hang out more but be moderate. Have female friends and keep it non intimae. Reach out to friends and offer value. They don't need your story, we all have our stories. Focus on creating and selling value. We are in the digital age and there more money out there to be made if you take time to develop yourself and become productive.

And the best part, read loads of books and materials on the next project you wanna focus on. Also read loads more on emotional intelligence. You seem to be lacking something vital in that regard. Watch videos on YouTube.

Do this for 90-180 days and don't call her within this period.

If you are the social media type, post pics of you moving on with the family in her absence and watch her come crawling on her knees.

If my wife tries this, she will get the shock of her life which is, plus her, minus her, my life keeps moving cos I keep growing.

Your wife thinks your world revolves around her and you have technically proved this believe to be nothing but the truth.

So read this again and go focus on finding your work instead of a woman you can't afford at this time.

You alone can fix yourself. She can't fix you cos she wants an already made you and you are presently going through the winters of life.

People work during winter any way. So you go find your work. Shalom.

NB: the above is from the experience of someone who has been married for a while, lost his business and source of earning at a time, but has found a way to gradually build himself back.

Thank you very much for this great and profound advise. I'm really lifted spiritually. Great inspiration. I will try this and even save the comment somewhere.

spiritedtete:
Brother to be candid I have been In your shoes before...


2 years into my marriage... my company vessel hit the rock at Lagos deep blue.. and sank. It was like it was over... (it was carrying a diesel which was where my investment was)

For 1 year I had nothing tangible doing... my wife will pay her full salary into my account at the end of every month without removing penny for 1 good year... she will plan with me.. and advice me and all..

Guess what no one knew this.. not even my mother nor her family.. it is very hard to see what is between us.

I didn't give up atall.. to be honest even if she had giving up I would have still been up if there is still God.

After one year with determination with my network and all I bounced back thank God for her support as well.

Presently all my stuffs are in her name.. except the one I had before marriage

This is the reason why I said you are yet to find a wife.. I am sorry. The shoes you walk in is so painful honestly.


Focus on how to bounce back and stop thinking about that woman if you die today.. she wont even feel it.. she will just move like nothing happened...

You owe your life to yourself.. please guard it properly.

Thanks. I appreciate

Xmen149:
there you are

take this shiit away from job loss,..far far away from it

you need to go on a journey of self discovery take control like someone said and drop the harshness bro(she is not leaving).

she is only worried ur joblessness will give you more time which will translate to more hash environment.she is an introvert for Christ sake those kind of people easily get depressed a lot leads to something bad.

allow her,.if she goes,.fine build all over again and take care of ur son,if she dznt welcome her back but cut the abuse shiit.

learnt alot from my married brothers,.an unhappy wife is an unhappy home and in this case you have said countless number of times that she is a really good wife.so put your life together and never fight with your woman,there are countless ways to handle quarels in homes other than harshness (but you must learn ur partner to know which works)

she stayed after you lost your job for a long time and you saying you can still meet up with bills and have ur own home,she left bcs you where toxic and ur situation is gradually messing up ur mind and turning you to a nuclear waste....at this point she is open to all manner of negative influence so expect everything you see and pray to God she dznt loose it

when she gets back get it right (let her know you two are a team too),.if she dzt still get it right b4 jumping to another lady if you have plans on that else the new lady will still leave when its time or get fed up with ur overwhelming negative side.

las las u go dey alright

You are a real psychologist. You painted it, the way it seemed and what she and her family perceived. Job loss is now endemic, and it's still happening. A lady told me that not all ladies are into material things as such,but they just need expression of care and love towards them.
She and her mum are scared that abuse and maltreatment may get worse if I don't have a better job, hence the mum's advise that I should get a job.
Thanks bro

staymore:
Women should be made to understand that marriage is a PARTNERSHIP and they are expected to sustain or assist the family when the man is facing financial challenges.

I really feel your pain cos most of us have experienced this before in our relationships too.

I appreciate. Tnx

pansophist:
Like the old saying "no one can make you a slave without your consent", and that rings ever true in the situation at hand. She has left, disrespected the integrity of your shared matrimony, and as far she is concerned, released herself from the obligation to commit to you. She has proven that the marital oath of "for better for worse" is void, a symbolic rehearsal instead of a qualitative virtue. My friend, you've done your best, leave her to her vices and play your cards to exhibit strength.

In every human relationship, the one that needs the other most has all the power. The power dynamic is favoring her since you're the one begging for her resumption to the union, she has all the cards, hence, you're emasculating yourself by being the party who needs her. She is cashing on your desperation and ignorance of game dynamics.

Hopefully, you should have learned by now that just as women accuse men of seeing them as a sex object, they themselves see men as a success object. Your value to her (and women generally) is not intrinsic, but extrinsic, she likes you based on the man you've built yourself to be. Women do not love the male (a biological prerequisite), but the man (self-built). It's sad that you have to lose your financial capability to reach this timeless truism, albeit, it is never too late for you to get a better, younger, more beautiful woman because unlike her, she has already depreciated in sexual market value, while yours is sharply on its peak. Go make money, improve your life and have fun with other ladies. You're under no obligation to be faithful to a union when the other party has broken it. Live a life worth admiring and I guarantee, as I've seen over and over, she will come begging but then remember, a leopard can not change its spots.

Women values relationship more than men, men value short flings more than women. You probably married her young, and she is under the illusion that there will be unlimited amount of men queuing to wife her up if she signifies her availability status, well, she will learn a bitter lesson, and when she does, do not be the "captain save a hoe", in life, there are consequences, and she must live it. If there is such a thing like to man-up, it is now.

All the best mate.

Thanks. I really cherish your advise. You must be a psychologist. Tnx sir

KingMicky3286:
Every man deserves a respect and it is the birthright of every man according to my Bible.
Open your bible from Ephesians
5:22-33 and also 1Peter 3 to 22.

Man is the head of the family that need to be respected weather married or single , wealthy or poor.

quote author=funmisticqueen post=80426992]Not every man deserves respect, respect is not your birthright,you earn it.Stop being ENTITLED

Your bible that was written by you. 1 peter 3;22 is not related to this topic and Ephesians 5:22-23 talks about ONLY married men. single men are not entitled to such privileges until you get a wife. Yoruba demons and playas are not eligible,deposit and go men are not eligible. Yes we should treat each other with respect, but you won't get any special treatment because of your XY chromosome. Do you even respect women?
the next verse even mandates men to love their wives the way Christ loves the church.None of you remember that when you play your silly games.

As for bossjakande, if a man as the head of his family isn't proactive to FIRST OF ALL love his wife like in ephesians 5:23, He is going to grow old waiting for that respect and submission. Women yield and submit naturally to a real man, a leader, a true head of the family without question.

'If you have cause to start writing threads like this morning and night,start demanding the respect that you are yet to prove you deserve, need to remind her that you wear the pants in the house, are a wife beater or a cheat, or cannot provide for your family, then bossjakande, you will never get submission from a woman. This is why i keep laughing at your posts.

so KingMicky, let me give you some verses from the bible everyone else is reading. 1 peter 3:7,1 Corinthians 7:1-5

Tunagee:
I must confess bro, I was totally abusive with my utterances cos I was usually provoked, and allowed my emotions to overwhelm me. A night before she left, I also scolded her angrily using phrases like ''hate you'' ''your mother killed her stepson'' and
that ''you have mouth odour''. I am 100% guilty of abuse cos of my business not doing well, and also cos she was no longer willing to discuss with me whenever I scolded her abusively. She only used the opportunity to leave since things were equally not picking up. My kinda person, I always say things the way they are, I don't paint blue, black. I always admit when am wrong, and very straightforward. The truth is, I did not have the emotional
intelligence to manage my home. Being a woman too, who could not manage or control her man, she left immaturely.

You painted her the way you presumed she is and she took it up a step further by painting you the way you are. In all this painting competitions, you are the one still crying all over town because you knew you fvcked up. Hahahahaha.

If she is that bad and immature as you opined, your mum wouldn't be begging for her to come back. No African mother in law would stoop so low.

Have you ever admitted to her that you are abusive and ask for forgiveness. Telling strangers doesn't cut it. Talk to your wife and spar us this crap.

You took out your joblessness, leech flavoured tongue and frustrated fvcked up life on your wife and expected her to remain. You must be joking.

With the thank you notes I am seeing here, you are still as confused and messed up as when you started this thread They have painted her as black as soot but you are still not satisfied because you are as guilty as sin and needs remediation. You are still goddamn immature, abusive and still jobless.


Open a new thread and ask all this goons to give you a job so that you can get back your wife if you still want her. That's a start not revelling on the archaic comments of peeps that are as frustrated as you are.

Tunagee:
My wife started behaving strangely immediately I lost my job in April 2017. She leaves home to her mum at the slightest disagreement without even communicating or making to express her feelings; and to worsen it, her mum gives her a great welcome with a room and parlour for her to stay, without even calling me to discuss what the problem. Whatever her daughter says is always the final, and she concludes on that.

My wife literarily destroyed my image before my in-laws to such an extent that I can't even visit them again. She tells them i insult her and her parents, and i make negative remarks about them, that i abuse her verbally at the slightest provocation. Several lies against me that I did not allow her travel out, I don't give her money, I told her not to have another kid, that I told her not to work, her mother has decided to keep her with her as I speak without even calling me to discuss, even despite all my appeals. She has been with her mum now for almost ten months(my wife is a fully grown legally married faithful woman of almost 40 years)

All these disrespect, probably cos I lost my job two years ago of which I fulfilled all responsibilities to the home. i don't drink, i don't smoke, don't womanise(even till now) I have never beaten her, I never another child out of my matrimonial home, and never impregnated another woman.

Rather than resolve her marital problem by discussing with her husband, she takes it to her family claiming emotional abuse. Fine, I agree I get provoked cos of her persistent shortcomings, and of course, frustration which leads to unguided vocal utterances towards her, but this could have been resolved easily without having to involve her whole family. Now what she keeps telling my family is that her family said she should still hold on at her mum's place. This is the 10th month since October 2018.

The last time my mum went to her mum's house precisely June last month, she was asked if she was still interested in her marriage, and she said yes, that she does not intend leaving her marriage; but we should give her time. Her mother practically told me to go and do something meaningful, and that there is time to marry, separate, reunite and hustle. Her mum is the one controlling her movements and everything about her for now; not even giving her room to give me audience.

Pls advise on what to do.

We are legally married.

Please don't listen to the ill advises u get here. What i will tell you to do is this, find a business you have passion for and seek for assistance to start doing something for yourself and the sake of your kids. The truth is that the woman you married never loved you genuinely she only cares about you being able to cater for her needs. You owe it to yourself and God to be a success and also your children who are looking up to you and as your wife don't plead with her again cos you have tried, face how to get on your feet and become something good, believe me she will come around herself and do the pleading and in that time let her and her mother know how wicked and inconsiderate they are to you and your children as per the decision they took and the damage it did to you and your kids. Then take your time to fast and pray before now take her back. But first let her learn her lesson.

Tunagee:
wow! thanks. You have encouraged a dying soul

My pleasure. Stay sharp & God bless you & keep you......

Tunagee:
You are a real psychologist. You painted it, the way it seemed and what she and her family perceived. Job loss is now endemic, and it's still happening. A lady told me that not all ladies are into material things as such,but they just need expression of care and love towards them.
She and her mum are scared that abuse and maltreatment may get worse if I don't have a better job, hence the mum's advise that I should get a job.
Thanks bro

I love ur sincerity and ability to withstand the insult passed on by many singles and undiscerning minds.
Continuously following this thread will exhust u of useful time. Kindlygetcto work with the many advices u have been given.

Tunagee:
I must confess bro, I was totally abusive with my utterances cos I was usually provoked, and allowed my emotions to overwhelm me. A night before she left, I also scolded her angrily using phrases like ''hate you'' ''your mother killed her stepson'' and
that ''you have mouth odour''. I am 100% guilty of abuse cos of my business not doing well, and also cos she was no longer willing to discuss with me whenever I scolded her abusively. She only used the opportunity to leave since things were equally not picking up. My kinda person, I always say things the way they are, I don't paint blue, black. I always admit when am wrong, and very straightforward. The truth is, I did not have the emotional
intelligence to manage my home. Being a woman too, who could not manage or control her man, she left immaturely.

What women don't understand is that when things aren't going well for a man it gets to him and you start to throw tantrums but a good wife will call her husband to order and calm, pet and tell him all will be well but most women aren't matured enough for a relationship to work. That's why I can't marry because I can't cope with all these pressure and even if am to marry I will not try court marriage at all. It will be easier for me to move without spending money for divorce

Xmen149:
introverts loves like tomorrow never comes,.they are sponge to negativity and can go on a very long time but speaks less of their whole beign hoping you will figure it out...but when they reach snap point my guy its going to take somthing madly strong to get them back on the lane you had them b4....

You are right.

OKOATA:
What women don't understand is that when things aren't going well for a man it gets to him and you start to throw tantrums but a good wife will call her husband to order and calm, pet and tell him all will be well but most women aren't matured enough for a relationship to work. That's why I can't marry because I can't cope with all these pressure and even if am to marry I will not try court marriage at all. It will be easier for me to move without spending money for divorce

Lol,its not a woman thing,.they are human same as us with differe trait ,same way a spoiled girl will behave is same a spoiled guy will,...men a women should study their self and know if they are compatible in every single way,differnt people react differently to same situation

If she works for you fine ,if she dznt believe you me there is someone out there that will go to any extent to have her

Imagine someone told me she likes it when her woman nags when there is no money,it lifts his spirit to go out and push to get it

Different ha

Tunagee:
I must confess bro, I was totally abusive with my utterances cos I was usually provoked, and allowed my emotions to overwhelm me. A night before she left, I also scolded her angrily using phrases like ''hate you'' ''your mother killed her stepson'' and
that ''you have mouth odour''. I am 100% guilty of abuse cos of my business not doing well, and also cos she was no longer willing to discuss with me whenever I scolded her abusively. She only used the opportunity to leave since things were equally not picking up. My kinda person, I always say things the way they are, I don't paint blue, black. I always admit when am wrong, and very straightforward. The truth is, I did not have the emotional
intelligence to manage my home. Being a woman too, who could not manage or control her man, she left immaturely.

She is the weaker sex,she ran for her life to avoid things escalating

But guy,90 percent of your problems is not job loss oh u fit beat woman even if money dey oh

If you want her back stop sending people there,if she still picks your call that's all you need,fix your self,call her anytime you can and pull normal discussions with her(don't makr complains on the phone oh,be giving this impression that your life i getting repaired )

Over time see if you can draw her out to dates,events compliment her when she does come out u know better.

Let her begin to feel you again then proceed to asking her opinion b4 u take some decisions(personal or in house)but make the final decisions

She still loves you,tge good memories are still in her head but that fear won't let her,its the fear u should wipe out make sure it remains wiped on ur own end too b4 she go show.. believe you me,if she makes up her mind she is leaving the mum can't hold her ever

And please bro,. straight forward has never worked in any relationship..if she has body odour make it a point to be buying spray perfume etc Everytime/mouth odour? Simple buy mouth wash and use it along with her.(she z ur team mate)

Like I said u go dey ok...she will come back but fix ur self please

Omotayor123:
Good, divorce should always be the last option, u av handled the matter well and I salute ur courage of not running to another woman in times like this. ( most men would av start misbehaving thereby causing more havoc)

This is it, Call her & av a one on one discussion, let her know u are ready to change/adjust in areas where u are lacking. ( No more Verbal or physical abuse) for some of us, verbal abuse hurt more.
Make sure u mean it when u are telling her (with all sincerity).
Ask her if she's willing and ready to fight for ur home with you (build something great back up from the ashes)

When misunderstanding occurs you tell and correct her with love, if she loves you she will also take correction.

If she's ready to come back home & correct all of the wrongs u both made with you, then u guys are good to go. Forget the bad vibes and start afresh.

10 months is long overdue to think things over, give it one more shot by trying the heart to heart discussion (alone) I'm sure u guys will reach a concession if both still av the will to continue.

God help you.

I will do just that, Omotayor123. I appreciate greatly, your feedback

Lexusgs430:
Why do Nigerian's classify divorce, a taboo...... She clearly is not willing to have an unemployed husband, her mother is not helping matters etc etc etc

What happened to this wife going to get a job, and providing for her family, rather than walk - out.......

If husband not currently employed, made her walk - out, assume the husband had a serious health/medical challenge, what would she do?......

Thanks. I agree totally that I did not manage my home well. She got fed up with my constant insultive remarks

solite3:
Your wife moved because of your abusive nature not neccesarily because you lost your job.
What do you expect when you were sowing abuse instead of love and encouragement?
Humble yourself go and apologise for all your wrongs, then get a job.
Dont take the advice of those telling you to take another woman, if you are a christian you should know it is against your faith.
You are a the man of your house, fix this.

Thanks for your encouragement sir!

jannylove:
Try to get yourself a job, start another relationship with another woman with a sense of maturity and start a new life.....don't allow sad people surround your life, you have enough stress already.

Thanks