₦airaland Forum

nairalandposter:
The op made ONE POST (ONE POST!) and ran away to sit back and watch idiots fall over themselves advising him or her on fake stories and situations they are not experiencing.

This site should be shut down because the kind of people it's breeding, would soon be classified as danger zones.

Possibly the op is even "advising" him or herself under another moniker, so easily manipulated idiots could say somebody told them what to do.

greatme2good:
If you people dated for 4 years, where did this ex spring from? Is it that she was in constant communication with him during those years? Is it that you turned blind eye to all these happening now? Op be a man and be in charge of your home. Run secret check on your wife she might be more than you know. A woman that truly loves you will be contented with whatsoever you give her.
Use your tongue and count your teeth.

Anonymus010:
NB: This is not my real account, I created this account for the purpose of this issue.
Please, I need the advice of married people (especially married men). I will make the story as simple as possible and I promise not to compromise the truth to favour me in this issue.
Brief Introduction: I am a man in my late 20's. Got married last year and currently have a 3month baby.
Brief history of my relationship prior to marriage: I dated my wife for 4years before we finally tied the knot last year. I met her in the university, we were classmate in school. Before I started dating my wife, I was dating a girl in the same class but we both agreed to separate after 1year because we were age mate and she was keen on getting married immediately after graduation which I knew I will not be ready for marriage by then (Note: No sex in the relationship, She was a virgin and because I couldn't assure her of marriage, I didn't sex her). After the break up with my ex, I became close to my wife and we started dating. She was self sufficient as she had a source of income while in school, she supports me, gives me money, cooks and buy me food etc. She was the best woman any man can think of. I fell in love along the line and decided this is the right lady to marry. Note: There were several backlashes from other classmates insinuating she snatched me from my ex but we scaled through all that. We dated for 2more years in school and we graduated. We dated for another 2more years post school till last year.
Brief history immediately before marriage: Everything was fine till my wife's birthday last year. I did tripple shifts at work(48hrs work non-stop) and came back a night before her birthday and slept off. I woke up 2:30am to wish her happy birthday. She got angry and told me I didnt put her in mind and that I was not the first person to wish her happy birthday (She later told me her ex wished her first at exactly 12am). I apologised to her and told her the reason I missed the time. I had just 10k, gave her 5k to do a birthday photoshoot, used about 3k to buy her goodies as salary has not been paid. Fast forward to after 1week of the birthday, she came up with serious issue, saying she wanted a break but not total break-up for some months to put herself together. She lamented she was not getting anything from the relationship, I don't usually take her out, I didnt celebrate her birthday well for her, I didnt buy cake, I didnt buy gift etc. I apologised and pleaded with her to be patient as we had big projects before us (wedding, masters degree and family apartment) which she knew I was saving for. We settled it and had sex. After 7days, I saw a call log on her phone where she had a conversation with her ex for almost an hour between 11pm and 12am. After 1month, she missed her menses and was pregnant. I asked her if she ever saw her ex, she cried and swore that she didn't (Note: I trusted her because she is modest and she is not the sex type). So, I agreed, accepted the preg, quickly arranged an impromptu wedding, I quickly sourced for money, spent over N2million on the wedding......
THE PROBLEM:
2weeks after the weeding, my wife started abusing my family especially my mum, telling me she hated how my family behaved during the wedding. I pleaded with her not to allow this to affect our home. The insults and abuse became perpetual. My wife works from home and will give me several reasons why she cannot cook after giving her money for food stuffs once I collect salary. Its just 2 of us living in a mini flat & I wash my clothes myself, but she will give me thousands of reasons how the non-existent house shores prevent her from cooking. After 9months, she gave birth, I asked her who she wanted to come do omugo with the baby between her mum and my mum. She opted for my mum (claimed her mum will be giving her problem). Not up to 1week that my mum came over, she has started complaining about everything she does. Despite the fact that this woman will wake up 5am, wash everybody's clothes, bath the baby but she doesnt cook. My wife started complaining about her being obligated to cook every morning because of my mum's presence(Note: she doesnt cook in the morning, if I am going to work by 8am, I will either warm a left over previous night's food or source for food outside). When the complain was becoming overwhelming to the point of her almost insulting my mum in my presence, I told her I will tell my mum to go back to her house( my mum lives in a mini flat too with my dad, so they are very comfortable). She said I shouldn't. After 1 month, my mum left. The abuse, insults and complain continued. She will nag about how my mum did when she was with us, abuse and insults my family. I will appeal to her and defend my family. My wife became complete opposite of who she was when we were dating.
The real issue at hand: We would be migrating to the US soon. Lately, I can't control my wife, anytime I don't buy her idea or wish, she will rain insults on me. Just 3days ago, she told me I don't have sense repeatedly just because she said we should go and greet her mum's pastor which I told her not now but we can go later. If I tell her to do something, she will do otherwise and give me thousand of reasons she can't do it. 2months ago, I reported all her attitudes to her mum, her mum talked to her but no change, she is getting worse. Last week, I did 24hours at work, I got home, my wife didn't cook. I got into the kitchen, made custard and placed the soup on the gas cooker. We were both in the living room. She perceived the soup was getting burnt and insulted me, telling me it was because I was not the one that dropped money for the soup, thats why I wanted to burn it (She cooked the soup with her money because my salary was delayed). She insults me at will, gives me no respect and treat me as trash.(Note: I had never cheated on her and she doesn't doubt my fidelity. Likewise, I had never suspected her of such too).
I am currently scared because I know US is women's world because I have included her and the kid as my dependents in my green card petition. I am scared for my life and career because she could go worse in the US and destroy all I have laboured for.
Please kindly advise me on what I can do to change her.
Sorry for the long write up and any grammatical errors.

Mizwisdom:
Their made up stories always follow a similar pattern, they demonize their so called wives. Maybe it's even the same troll posting similar fake stories just to hit front page.
Did you notice that he didn't even mention the type of US visa he got that gave him and his spouse permanent stay? Wonderful!!! I never said I had gotten a US visa. I just filed for my I140 petition for my permanent residency green card. I will not disclose further info. I think its a pay back time for me too cos I also dispute many stories I see online. It's like a movie to me too. Meanwhile, I think I have gotten good advise from real people which I have started implementing..Thanks for your doubt anyway

Resurgent2016:
@ Anonymus010, nothing beats a heart-to-heart talk. Talk maturedly to your wife and let her know in clear terms that you can't continue with a relationship of this nature except there are clear changes.

She may be defensive or also explain your fault in the issue. Try reach a common ground. If she clearly shows no sign of trying to improve the relationship, you know where you stand and are better informed on what to do

greatme2good:
If you people dated for 4 years, where did this ex spring from? Is it that she was in constant communication with him during those years? Is it that you turned blind eye to all these happening now? Op be a man and be in charge of your home. Run secret check on your wife she might be more than you know. A woman that truly loves you will be contented with whatsoever you give her.
Use your tongue and count your teeth.

Zombiekiller010:
You ignored the first 2 red flags : communicating with her ex and putting pressure on you to get her birthday gift, if you've talk to her and she isn't willing to change, leave her in the marriage , the more you give her attention the more she will be taking you for granted, the part where you said you are faithful in the Marriage makes me laugh, shift your attention to a side chick outside. If my girlfriend visit me and meet my dirty clothes or meet me washing clothes, if she can't assist me in doing the laundry,no T-fare for her, if nepa no bring light throughout her visitation ,I won't on gen to make her feel lively, no taking her out. Stop been the nice guy , if not she will continue to frustrate you, op you marriage a feminist, now she as upgraded to be insulting you and your family, if she isn't ready to endure with you while you have challenges with salary ,then she should bow out of the marriage instead of frustrating your life, don't let her makes you feel like she is doing you a favour by marrying you, I wish to read her own story too , you ignored the red flags before the pregnancy makes you rush into marrying her

Virginnn:
YOU ARE THE MAN, SO BE THE MAN.
U have played the role of a weak man for far too long.
Your wife has seen u finished, now no respect 4 u anymore.
Well, first thing first. u must have that heart to ♥ conversation with her. Tell her what u have noticed as her new attitude. tell her how this attitude is affecting the family life. tell her the direction and changes you wish to see henceforth.
Don't just be a talker, be a listener as well. Find out from her why she has changed her attitude, and allow her suggest solutions as well.
U should be willing to control your tempers. if tempers are flaring, discontinue the conversation. walk out, but return to conclude the talk.
Seems u spend too much time at work. Consider ways of spending more time with ur family.
Please don't alter plans of moving with her to the state over the current situation. If she doesn't appreciate it, she has herself to blame.
HEAR FROM HER FIRST please.

sassysure:
I wonder why u said only experienced married men.

Some men are not married yet has more experience in marriage matter than the married ones.
Also why did u exclude women?

Anyway,

I stopped reading at a point.

Ur wife has gotten what she worked for, a ring on her hand.
When I saw, she cook for me, do this and that, I knew she is out to hook up by any means necessary.
She never did hate her ex remember?
Just that the guy don't want to settle down so it's possible She was still attached to him emotionally. Okafor's law may have played out significantly and she got pregnant, pressured u into marriage. Marriage after two yrs of graduation cos she was pregnant and u did wedding of 2 million with borrowed funds.whom were u trying to impress?
What manner of man are u?

Don't u have a voice?
What makes you the man of the house if u can't stamp your authority?
I am not saying beat or abuse her but talk like the head of ur family. Let ur wife stop trampling on your manhood.
Her excuse that her ex called her first is extremely childish.
So u guys still keep in touch with ex's?
There is a reason why they are called ex. Unless you are colleagues, u guys don't have anything in common.
That was where u would have scolded her seriously still keeping in touch with her ex, yet u are apologising.
What are u apologising for. U went to work. Birthdays will continue coming. Is she a kid that put so much meaning into birthday?
Why the fuss?
She has never stopped her relationship with her ex and the guy is ok as long as she dey open her leg.
Now, small soft words from him and she is admitting she never liked ur people.
Pls do give her the needed break.
Don't disturb her during the break and also make sure u provide for the kid, go and see ur child. As her only general things concerning ur kid and go ur way.
If u ignore her( u give her so much attention),she will be confused and start seeking u out.
If she eventually come back for talk, read her the riot act.
The relationship is still early and it's better this early than late.

It's hard but start seeing urself as a single man once again.

If u have the money, do a DNA test to be sure u are not training another man's child.

What a woman!
Her self entitlement is too much and she successfully played u.

U were a fool in love when all the signs are there.
Why will she insult your people? What did they do to her?
Why didn't u call her to order?
Are u even a man?

Some ex will do anything to destabilise ur marriage especially guys if u give them the chance. And they will end up not marrying u.
If ur woman had loved u, she will tell you that her ex is contacting her.
I so much hate pretenders.

I'm a lady but I will say that we naija ladies are mostly pretenders.
The reason why it was said that more than 50% of the first child don't normally belong to the husband. (Na DNA specialist for Lagos talk am o)
Mtcheew

Anonymus010:
NB: This is not my real account, I created this account for the purpose of this issue.
Please, I need the advice of married people (especially married men). I will make the story as simple as possible and I promise not to compromise the truth to favour me in this issue.
Brief Introduction: I am a man in my late 20's. Got married last year and currently have a 3month baby.
Brief history of my relationship prior to marriage: I dated my wife for 4years before we finally tied the knot last year. I met her in the university, we were classmate in school. Before I started dating my wife, I was dating a girl in the same class but we both agreed to separate after 1year because we were age mate and she was keen on getting married immediately after graduation which I knew I will not be ready for marriage by then (Note: No sex in the relationship, She was a virgin and because I couldn't assure her of marriage, I didn't sex her). After the break up with my ex, I became close to my wife and we started dating. She was self sufficient as she had a source of income while in school, she supports me, gives me money, cooks and buy me food etc. She was the best woman any man can think of. I fell in love along the line and decided this is the right lady to marry. Note: There were several backlashes from other classmates insinuating she snatched me from my ex but we scaled through all that. We dated for 2more years in school and we graduated. We dated for another 2more years post school till last year.
Brief history immediately before marriage: Everything was fine till my wife's birthday last year. I did tripple shifts at work(48hrs work non-stop) and came back a night before her birthday and slept off. I woke up 2:30am to wish her happy birthday. She got angry and told me I didnt put her in mind and that I was not the first person to wish her happy birthday (She later told me her ex wished her first at exactly 12am). I apologised to her and told her the reason I missed the time. I had just 10k, gave her 5k to do a birthday photoshoot, used about 3k to buy her goodies as salary has not been paid. Fast forward to after 1week of the birthday, she came up with serious issue, saying she wanted a break but not total break-up for some months to put herself together. She lamented she was not getting anything from the relationship, I don't usually take her out, I didnt celebrate her birthday well for her, I didnt buy cake, I didnt buy gift etc. I apologised and pleaded with her to be patient as we had big projects before us (wedding, masters degree and family apartment) which she knew I was saving for. We settled it and had sex. After 7days, I saw a call log on her phone where she had a conversation with her ex for almost an hour between 11pm and 12am. After 1month, she missed her menses and was pregnant. I asked her if she ever saw her ex, she cried and swore that she didn't (Note: I trusted her because she is modest and she is not the sex type). So, I agreed, accepted the preg, quickly arranged an impromptu wedding, I quickly sourced for money, spent over N2million on the wedding......
THE PROBLEM:
2weeks after the weeding, my wife started abusing my family especially my mum, telling me she hated how my family behaved during the wedding. I pleaded with her not to allow this to affect our home. The insults and abuse became perpetual. My wife works from home and will give me several reasons why she cannot cook after giving her money for food stuffs once I collect salary. Its just 2 of us living in a mini flat & I wash my clothes myself, but she will give me thousands of reasons how the non-existent house shores prevent her from cooking. After 9months, she gave birth, I asked her who she wanted to come do omugo with the baby between her mum and my mum. She opted for my mum (claimed her mum will be giving her problem). Not up to 1week that my mum came over, she has started complaining about everything she does. Despite the fact that this woman will wake up 5am, wash everybody's clothes, bath the baby but she doesnt cook. My wife started complaining about her being obligated to cook every morning because of my mum's presence(Note: she doesnt cook in the morning, if I am going to work by 8am, I will either warm a left over previous night's food or source for food outside). When the complain was becoming overwhelming to the point of her almost insulting my mum in my presence, I told her I will tell my mum to go back to her house( my mum lives in a mini flat too with my dad, so they are very comfortable). She said I shouldn't. After 1 month, my mum left. The abuse, insults and complain continued. She will nag about how my mum did when she was with us, abuse and insults my family. I will appeal to her and defend my family. My wife became complete opposite of who she was when we were dating.
The real issue at hand: We would be migrating to the US soon. Lately, I can't control my wife, anytime I don't buy her idea or wish, she will rain insults on me. Just 3days ago, she told me I don't have sense repeatedly just because she said we should go and greet her mum's pastor which I told her not now but we can go later. If I tell her to do something, she will do otherwise and give me thousand of reasons she can't do it. 2months ago, I reported all her attitudes to her mum, her mum talked to her but no change, she is getting worse. Last week, I did 24hours at work, I got home, my wife didn't cook. I got into the kitchen, made custard and placed the soup on the gas cooker. We were both in the living room. She perceived the soup was getting burnt and insulted me, telling me it was because I was not the one that dropped money for the soup, thats why I wanted to burn it (She cooked the soup with her money because my salary was delayed). She insults me at will, gives me no respect and treat me as trash.(Note: I had never cheated on her and she doesn't doubt my fidelity. Likewise, I had never suspected her of such too).
I am currently scared because I know US is women's world because I have included her and the kid as my dependents in my green card petition. I am scared for my life and career because she could go worse in the US and destroy all I have laboured for.
Please kindly advise me on what I can do to change her.
Sorry for the long write up and any grammatical errors.

Anonymus010:
NB: This is not my real account, I created this account for the purpose of this issue.
Please, I need the advice of married people (especially married men). I will make the story as simple as possible and I promise not to compromise the truth to favour me in this issue.
Brief Introduction: I am a man in my late 20's. Got married last year and currently have a 3month baby.
Brief history of my relationship prior to marriage: I dated my wife for 4years before we finally tied the knot last year. I met her in the university, we were classmate in school. Before I started dating my wife, I was dating a girl in the same class but we both agreed to separate after 1year because we were age mate and she was keen on getting married immediately after graduation which I knew I will not be ready for marriage by then (Note: No sex in the relationship, She was a virgin and because I couldn't assure her of marriage, I didn't sex her). After the break up with my ex, I became close to my wife and we started dating. She was self sufficient as she had a source of income while in school, she supports me, gives me money, cooks and buy me food etc. She was the best woman any man can think of. I fell in love along the line and decided this is the right lady to marry. Note: There were several backlashes from other classmates insinuating she snatched me from my ex but we scaled through all that. We dated for 2more years in school and we graduated. We dated for another 2more years post school till last year.
Brief history immediately before marriage: Everything was fine till my wife's birthday last year. I did tripple shifts at work(48hrs work non-stop) and came back a night before her birthday and slept off. I woke up 2:30am to wish her happy birthday. She got angry and told me I didnt put her in mind and that I was not the first person to wish her happy birthday (She later told me her ex wished her first at exactly 12am). I apologised to her and told her the reason I missed the time. I had just 10k, gave her 5k to do a birthday photoshoot, used about 3k to buy her goodies as salary has not been paid. Fast forward to after 1week of the birthday, she came up with serious issue, saying she wanted a break but not total break-up for some months to put herself together. She lamented she was not getting anything from the relationship, I don't usually take her out, I didnt celebrate her birthday well for her, I didnt buy cake, I didnt buy gift etc. I apologised and pleaded with her to be patient as we had big projects before us (wedding, masters degree and family apartment) which she knew I was saving for. We settled it and had sex. After 7days, I saw a call log on her phone where she had a conversation with her ex for almost an hour between 11pm and 12am. After 1month, she missed her menses and was pregnant. I asked her if she ever saw her ex, she cried and swore that she didn't (Note: I trusted her because she is modest and she is not the sex type). So, I agreed, accepted the preg, quickly arranged an impromptu wedding, I quickly sourced for money, spent over N2million on the wedding......
THE PROBLEM:
2weeks after the weeding, my wife started abusing my family especially my mum, telling me she hated how my family behaved during the wedding. I pleaded with her not to allow this to affect our home. The insults and abuse became perpetual. My wife works from home and will give me several reasons why she cannot cook after giving her money for food stuffs once I collect salary. Its just 2 of us living in a mini flat & I wash my clothes myself, but she will give me thousands of reasons how the non-existent house shores prevent her from cooking. After 9months, she gave birth, I asked her who she wanted to come do omugo with the baby between her mum and my mum. She opted for my mum (claimed her mum will be giving her problem). Not up to 1week that my mum came over, she has started complaining about everything she does. Despite the fact that this woman will wake up 5am, wash everybody's clothes, bath the baby but she doesnt cook. My wife started complaining about her being obligated to cook every morning because of my mum's presence(Note: she doesnt cook in the morning, if I am going to work by 8am, I will either warm a left over previous night's food or source for food outside). When the complain was becoming overwhelming to the point of her almost insulting my mum in my presence, I told her I will tell my mum to go back to her house( my mum lives in a mini flat too with my dad, so they are very comfortable). She said I shouldn't. After 1 month, my mum left. The abuse, insults and complain continued. She will nag about how my mum did when she was with us, abuse and insults my family. I will appeal to her and defend my family. My wife became complete opposite of who she was when we were dating.
The real issue at hand: We would be migrating to the US soon. Lately, I can't control my wife, anytime I don't buy her idea or wish, she will rain insults on me. Just 3days ago, she told me I don't have sense repeatedly just because she said we should go and greet her mum's pastor which I told her not now but we can go later. If I tell her to do something, she will do otherwise and give me thousand of reasons she can't do it. 2months ago, I reported all her attitudes to her mum, her mum talked to her but no change, she is getting worse. Last week, I did 24hours at work, I got home, my wife didn't cook. I got into the kitchen, made custard and placed the soup on the gas cooker. We were both in the living room. She perceived the soup was getting burnt and insulted me, telling me it was because I was not the one that dropped money for the soup, thats why I wanted to burn it (She cooked the soup with her money because my salary was delayed). She insults me at will, gives me no respect and treat me as trash.(Note: I had never cheated on her and she doesn't doubt my fidelity. Likewise, I had never suspected her of such too).
I am currently scared because I know US is women's world because I have included her and the kid as my dependents in my green card petition. I am scared for my life and career because she could go worse in the US and destroy all I have laboured for.
Please kindly advise me on what I can do to change her.
Sorry for the long write up and any grammatical errors.

bukatyne:
People treat you how you want them to treat you.

If they miss road and maltreat you, putting them in their place will caution them further.

First your wife tells you that her ex wished her happy birthday before you and you apologize! Seriously?

Her ex bla bla bla and she did not marry him?

She cannot take care of the home despite working from home. Seriously?

You work long hours and cannot meet warm home cooked food to welcome you back?

You have overindulged your wife that she is fast outliving her usefulness in your life.

First, forget about America or go alone first.

2nd, go for DNA test and confirm that your child is yours.

3rd, have respect for yourself and build your self-esteem. If you have an healthy self-esteem and place good value on yourself, you wouldn't allow ANYONE treat you like trash.

4th, from the place of self-confidence and self-preservation, engage her. You do not like the state of the marriage and want her to air her grievances. Listen objectively and adjust where needed. (nobody is perfect).

5th, give her your feedback and tell her you will not tolerate her bad behavior and comparing you with her ex anymore. She is either married to you or her ex except you are interested in polyandry.

If she wants you, she needs to act like it and require her to contribute to the home like an adult.

You need to be firm and resolute. She is not used to you having value for yourself so these changes will come as strange or fake and she will try to 'burst the bubble.'

If you continually stand your ground, she will get the memo and either shape up or shape out.

Goodluck.

Anonymus010:
NB: This is not my real account, I created this account for the purpose of this issue.
Please, I need the advice of married people (especially married men). I will make the story as simple as possible and I promise not to compromise the truth to favour me in this issue.
Brief Introduction: I am a man in my late 20's. Got married last year and currently have a 3month baby.
Brief history of my relationship prior to marriage: I dated my wife for 4years before we finally tied the knot last year. I met her in the university, we were classmate in school. Before I started dating my wife, I was dating a girl in the same class but we both agreed to separate after 1year because we were age mate and she was keen on getting married immediately after graduation which I knew I will not be ready for marriage by then (Note: No sex in the relationship, She was a virgin and because I couldn't assure her of marriage, I didn't sex her). After the break up with my ex, I became close to my wife and we started dating. She was self sufficient as she had a source of income while in school, she supports me, gives me money, cooks and buy me food etc. She was the best woman any man can think of. I fell in love along the line and decided this is the right lady to marry. Note: There were several backlashes from other classmates insinuating she snatched me from my ex but we scaled through all that. We dated for 2more years in school and we graduated. We dated for another 2more years post school till last year.
Brief history immediately before marriage: Everything was fine till my wife's birthday last year. I did tripple shifts at work(48hrs work non-stop) and came back a night before her birthday and slept off. I woke up 2:30am to wish her happy birthday. She got angry and told me I didnt put her in mind and that I was not the first person to wish her happy birthday (She later told me her ex wished her first at exactly 12am). I apologised to her and told her the reason I missed the time. I had just 10k, gave her 5k to do a birthday photoshoot, used about 3k to buy her goodies as salary has not been paid. Fast forward to after 1week of the birthday, she came up with serious issue, saying she wanted a break but not total break-up for some months to put herself together. She lamented she was not getting anything from the relationship, I don't usually take her out, I didnt celebrate her birthday well for her, I didnt buy cake, I didnt buy gift etc. I apologised and pleaded with her to be patient as we had big projects before us (wedding, masters degree and family apartment) which she knew I was saving for. We settled it and had sex. After 7days, I saw a call log on her phone where she had a conversation with her ex for almost an hour between 11pm and 12am. After 1month, she missed her menses and was pregnant. I asked her if she ever saw her ex, she cried and swore that she didn't (Note: I trusted her because she is modest and she is not the sex type). So, I agreed, accepted the preg, quickly arranged an impromptu wedding, I quickly sourced for money, spent over N2million on the wedding......
THE PROBLEM:
2weeks after the weeding, my wife started abusing my family especially my mum, telling me she hated how my family behaved during the wedding. I pleaded with her not to allow this to affect our home. The insults and abuse became perpetual. My wife works from home and will give me several reasons why she cannot cook after giving her money for food stuffs once I collect salary. Its just 2 of us living in a mini flat & I wash my clothes myself, but she will give me thousands of reasons how the non-existent house shores prevent her from cooking. After 9months, she gave birth, I asked her who she wanted to come do omugo with the baby between her mum and my mum. She opted for my mum (claimed her mum will be giving her problem). Not up to 1week that my mum came over, she has started complaining about everything she does. Despite the fact that this woman will wake up 5am, wash everybody's clothes, bath the baby but she doesnt cook. My wife started complaining about her being obligated to cook every morning because of my mum's presence(Note: she doesnt cook in the morning, if I am going to work by 8am, I will either warm a left over previous night's food or source for food outside). When the complain was becoming overwhelming to the point of her almost insulting my mum in my presence, I told her I will tell my mum to go back to her house( my mum lives in a mini flat too with my dad, so they are very comfortable). She said I shouldn't. After 1 month, my mum left. The abuse, insults and complain continued. She will nag about how my mum did when she was with us, abuse and insults my family. I will appeal to her and defend my family. My wife became complete opposite of who she was when we were dating.
The real issue at hand: We would be migrating to the US soon. Lately, I can't control my wife, anytime I don't buy her idea or wish, she will rain insults on me. Just 3days ago, she told me I don't have sense repeatedly just because she said we should go and greet her mum's pastor which I told her not now but we can go later. If I tell her to do something, she will do otherwise and give me thousand of reasons she can't do it. 2months ago, I reported all her attitudes to her mum, her mum talked to her but no change, she is getting worse. Last week, I did 24hours at work, I got home, my wife didn't cook. I got into the kitchen, made custard and placed the soup on the gas cooker. We were both in the living room. She perceived the soup was getting burnt and insulted me, telling me it was because I was not the one that dropped money for the soup, thats why I wanted to burn it (She cooked the soup with her money because my salary was delayed). She insults me at will, gives me no respect and treat me as trash.(Note: I had never cheated on her and she doesn't doubt my fidelity. Likewise, I had never suspected her of such too).
I am currently scared because I know US is women's world because I have included her and the kid as my dependents in my green card petition. I am scared for my life and career because she could go worse in the US and destroy all I have laboured for.
Please kindly advise me on what I can do to change her.
Sorry for the long write up and any grammatical errors.

J111333:
Sorry I had to quote your long epistle but I really need to get you to read what I'm about to say. I currently live in United States and I can tell you that you will make the greatest mistake in the history of mankind if you ever step your foot here with that your wife.
The earlier you start planning for a future without her, the better for you because she doesn't love, regard and respect you, your marriage and your family.
By the way, that kid is likely not yours. Just wait for the DNA test needed at the embassy to confirm.

Anonymus010:
Thank you so much

Jayslicky:
The first thing I would advice you to do is to go and have a DNA test for that child, with what you explained here I don't trust that your wife, she is a big time pretender and pretenders are capacable of commiting dangerous sins.

The love between you two had quenched for a long time but you refused to see it, it all started from that her birthday, she felt you really didn't take her as your most important thing in life, I think that is when she started getting closer to her ex, I suspect that your wife and ex still had a short time relationship before getting married to you, she did that because she realise her ex was not ready for marriage and she was pregnant, so she decided to get married to you.

You can both go to see a counselor and let him know where you guys are lacking in your marriage, maybe you are not doing something right that is infuriating your wife but just hope she still has any iota of love for you, if not the marriage is as good as dead.

Anonymus010:
I Need The Advice Of Experienced Married Men

NB: This is not my real account, I created this account for the purpose of this issue.

Please, I need the advice of married people (especially married men). I will make the story as simple as possible and I promise not to compromise the truth to favour me in this issue.

Brief Introduction: I am a man in my late 20's. Got married last year and currently have a 3month baby.

Brief history of my relationship prior to marriage: I dated my wife for 4years before we finally tied the knot last year. I met her in the university, we were classmate in school.

Before I started dating my wife, I was dating a girl in the same class but we both agreed to separate after 1year because we were age mate and she was keen on getting married immediately after graduation which I knew I will not be ready for marriage by then (Note: No sex in the relationship, She was a virgin and because I couldn't assure her of marriage, I didn't sex her).

After the break up with my ex, I became close to my wife and we started dating. She was self sufficient as she had a source of income while in school, she supports me, gives me money, cooks and buy me food etc. She was the best woman any man can think of. I fell in love along the line and decided this is the right lady to marry.

Note: There were several backlashes from other classmates insinuating she snatched me from my ex but we scaled through all that. We dated for 2more years in school and we graduated. We dated for another 2more years post school till last year.

Brief history immediately before marriage: Everything was fine till my wife's birthday last year. I did tripple shifts at work(48hrs work non-stop) and came back a night before her birthday and slept off. I woke up 2:30am to wish her happy birthday. She got angry and told me I didnt put her in mind and that I was not the first person to wish her happy birthday (She later told me her ex wished her first at exactly 12am). I apologised to her and told her the reason I missed the time. I had just 10k, gave her 5k to do a birthday photoshoot, used about 3k to buy her goodies as salary has not been paid.

Fast forward to after 1week of the birthday, she came up with serious issue, saying she wanted a break but not total break-up for some months to put herself together. She lamented she was not getting anything from the relationship, I don't usually take her out, I didnt celebrate her birthday well for her, I didnt buy cake, I didnt buy gift etc. I apologised and pleaded with her to be patient as we had big projects before us (wedding, masters degree and family apartment) which she knew I was saving for. We settled it and had sex. After 7days, I saw a call log on her phone where she had a conversation with her ex for almost an hour between 11pm and 12am. After 1month, she missed her menses and was pregnant. I asked her if she ever saw her ex, she cried and swore that she didn't (Note: I trusted her because she is modest and she is not the sex type). So, I agreed, accepted the preg, quickly arranged an impromptu wedding, I quickly sourced for money, spent over N2million on the wedding......

THE PROBLEM:

2weeks after the weeding, my wife started abusing my family especially my mum, telling me she hated how my family behaved during the wedding. I pleaded with her not to allow this to affect our home. The insults and abuse became perpetual. My wife works from home and will give me several reasons why she cannot cook after giving her money for food stuffs once I collect salary. Its just 2 of us living in a mini flat & I wash my clothes myself, but she will give me thousands of reasons how the non-existent house shores prevent her from cooking.

After 9months, she gave birth, I asked her who she wanted to come do omugo with the baby between her mum and my mum. She opted for my mum (claimed her mum will be giving her problem). Not up to 1week that my mum came over, she has started complaining about everything she does. Despite the fact that this woman will wake up 5am, wash everybody's clothes, bath the baby but she doesnt cook. My wife started complaining about her being obligated to cook every morning because of my mum's presence(Note: she doesnt cook in the morning, if I am going to work by 8am, I will either warm a left over previous night's food or source for food outside). When the complain was becoming overwhelming to the point of her almost insulting my mum in my presence, I told her I will tell my mum to go back to her house( my mum lives in a mini flat too with my dad, so they are very comfortable). She said I shouldn't. After 1 month, my mum left. The abuse, insults and complain continued. She will nag about how my mum did when she was with us, abuse and insults my family. I will appeal to her and defend my family. My wife became complete opposite of who she was when we were dating.

The real issue at hand: We would be migrating to the US soon. Lately, I can't control my wife, anytime I don't buy her idea or wish, she will rain insults on me. Just 3days ago, she told me I don't have sense repeatedly just because she said we should go and greet her mum's pastor which I told her not now but we can go later. If I tell her to do something, she will do otherwise and give me thousand of reasons she can't do it. 2months ago, I reported all her attitudes to her mum, her mum talked to her but no change, she is getting worse. Last week, I did 24hours at work, I got home, my wife didn't cook. I got into the kitchen, made custard and placed the soup on the gas cooker. We were both in the living room. She perceived the soup was getting burnt and insulted me, telling me it was because I was not the one that dropped money for the soup, thats why I wanted to burn it (She cooked the soup with her money because my salary was delayed). She insults me at will, gives me no respect and treat me as trash.(Note: I had never cheated on her and she doesn't doubt my fidelity. Likewise, I had never suspected her of such too).

I am currently scared because I know US is women's world because I have included her and the kid as my dependents in my green card petition. I am scared for my life and career because she could go worse in the US and destroy all I have laboured for.

Please kindly advise me on what I can do to change her.

Sorry for the long write up and any grammatical errors.

gaby:
While you were busy running a marathon shifts at work, your wife had been busy with her ex, and this is where the "see finish" started from.

In your best interest, you had better jettisoned the US idea with her if not, na OYO be your name.

DNA, please

Some guys still don't understand that most women detest softie men to no end.

Toughen up some bro, that woman has tried and seen to what extent she can trample on you without any repercussions.

Be strong mate

Mizwisdom:
No perfect marriage, you've known your wife before now, learn to deal with your differences and keep your lives off social media