Hey people,
I will cut to the chase.

I stay in a 4 bed room with my wife and two sons (twins). I live a quiet life and like it that way free to preying eyes, but recently my wife asked of her two brothers could come visiting, as they had never been to our place in Lagos.

I didn't like it, because I didnt like the extra mouths to feed, esp. now that things are hard everywhere, but her parents began to put pressure on her, and manipulate her with comments, like "you don't want to see your siblings" and so forth.

I wasn't also comfortable with two boys just sleeping and waking up in my house. But I obliged to teach her a lesson.

When they came, they did nothing but sell, eat and watch movies all through. They didn't greet, and were still in bed with i went to work, and watched big brother when I came back. I thought it was for 2wks, after it is a visitation, right?!

Wrong!!!

2wks soon became 5wks, at which point, food usually planned for a month was gone in weeks, add to the inconvenience.

My wife was happy, so I didn't mind. But something interesting happened, she said they want to stay for 2 more months. Hell no! I asked her to tell them, they had till the weekend, that I was expecting visitors of my own.

By the time, her parents heard, they said why couldn't they stay, even with my visitors.

It, then, dawned on me that, this wasn't a visitation. They wanted to abandon them here with me or something. It was very inconsiderate, to say I should feed myself, my wife, the twins, her brothers and 2 extra guests. Am I dangote?!

Of course, I have sent them away, and it won't happen again. She already knows.

Has anyone experienced this before?! How did you handle it?

If the reverse was the case, your wife wouldn't hesitate to manipulate you into getting those sycophant inlaws out of the house. You did the right thing.

You have done well, next time don't open your door for anyone you aren't ready to welcome.

[quote author=roaringlamb01 post=81863185]

It, then, dawned on me that, this wasn't a visitation. They wanted to abandon them here with me or something. It was very inconsiderate, to say I should feed myself, my wife, the twins, her brothers and 2 extra guests. Am I dangote?!



In the past Nigerians used to be very receptive of in laws, the more the merrier. In return, In laws make themselves useful in the house, becoming part of an extended family. We see the man of the house even bear the responsibility of educating the young ones. How sad how things have changed.

Now, it's war everywhere. US and them. Your people, my people. Witches and wizard. Broke husband, and Lazy wife. Gold diggers and Gigolos. Egos and liabilities. Everybody seems to have ulterior motives these days and the level of wariness and lack of trust wreaks nothing but societal collapse. Mad is the word.

Op, una try sha. E nor easy.

You got them out. Good

You did well.

roaringlamb01:
Hey people,
I will cut to the chase.

I stay in a 4 bed room with my wife and two sons (twins). I live a quiet life and like it that way free to preying eyes, but recently my wife asked of her two brothers could come visiting, as they had never been to our place in Lagos.

I didn't like it, because I didnt like the extra mouths to feed, esp. now that things are hard everywhere, but her parents began to put pressure on her, and manipulate her with comments, like "you don't want to see your siblings" and so forth.

I wasn't also comfortable with two boys just sleeping and waking up in my house. But I obliged to teach her a lesson.

When they came, they did nothing but sell, eat and watch movies all through. They didn't greet, and were still in bed with i went to work, and watched big brother when I came back. I thought it was for 2wks, after it is a visitation, right?!

Wrong!!!

2wks soon became 5wks, at which point, food usually planned for a month was gone in weeks, add to the inconvenience.

My wife was happy, so I didn't mind. But something interesting happened, she said they want to stay for 2 more months. Hell no! I asked her to tell them, they had till the weekend, that I was expecting visitors of my own.

By the time, her parents heard, they said why couldn't they stay, even with my visitors.

It, then, dawned on me that, this wasn't a visitation. They wanted to abandon them here with me or something. It was very inconsiderate, to say I should feed myself, my wife, the twins, her brothers and 2 extra guests. Am I dangote?!

Of course, I have sent them away, and it won't happen again. She already knows.

Has anyone experienced this before?! How did you handle it?

Did you send them away because you really couldn't afford it, or because you just want to be petty and wicked?

You already housed them for 5weeks, 3 extra weeks would have not killed you.

Life is all about giving consessions and making compromises. Sometimes you have to bend to accommodate people, not because you have no choice, but because you want to.

If it were me, I will let them stay the two months before sending them away. And then I will make it clear that they will no longer be allowed.

I would do this not for in-laws, or for my wife (or husband), but for Providence, who has it possible that I will in the position to offer this kind of help to someone else.

The world is very small and tomorrow is not that far away. I wonder how those boys you unceremoniously threw out of your house will feel about you now.

[quote author=PeacenLove2 post=81863520][/quote]

The difference here was that they were not making themselves useful. If they were useful, he won't feel the burden of extra mouths to feed. But if you have to still pay someone to wash your car, run some errands, (assumptions I know) then it will feel like a burden.

UjuJoan2:



You already housed them for 5weeks, 3 extra weeks would have not killed you.

I think they wanted to stay an extra 2 months making it 13 weeks in total. That's a quarter of a year. I guess because he wasn't feeling any positive impact, he asked them to leave.

@op, were they not going to school or something?

As a side note, why can't people be straightforward when it comes to how long they can stay somewhere.

UjuJoan2:


Did you send them away because you really couldn't afford it, or because you just want to be pretty and wicked?

You already housed them for 5weeks, 3 extra weeks would have not killed you.

Life is all about giving consessions and making compromises. Sometimes you have to bend to accommodate people, not because you have no choice, but because you want to.

If it were me, I will let them stay the two months before sending them away. And then I will make it clear that they will no longer be allowed.

I would do this not for in-laws, or for my wife (or husband), but for Providence, who has it possible that I will in the position to offer this kind of help to someone else.

The world is very small and tomorrow is not that far away. I wonder how those boys you unceremoniously threw out of your house will feel about you now.

Talk is very cheap...

I can imagine. You in-laws sef...they had to wait to be sent packing

UjuJoan2:


Did you send them away because you really couldn't afford it, or because you just want to be pretty and wicked?

You already housed them for 5weeks, 3 extra weeks would have not killed you.

Life is all about giving consessions and making compromises. Sometimes you have to bend to accommodate people, not because you have no choice, but because you want to.

If it were me, I will let them stay the two months before sending them away. And then I will make it clear that they will no longer be allowed.

I would do this not for in-laws, or for my wife (or husband), but for Providence, who has it possible that I will in the position to offer this kind of help to someone else.

The world is very small and tomorrow is not that far away. I wonder how those boys you unceremoniously threw out of your house will feel about you now.

Lol... Very easy for you to speak. Did I send them away because I wanted to be "pretty and wicked"? What a way to put it.

Yes, i wanted to be pretty and wicked to a people who are overstaying their welcome, a people who don't even greet me in the morning or evening, or are not useful to me , my wife or my kids. Or who didn't deem it necessary to discuss with me about staying 2 more months (not 3 extra weeks, pls read well ...). It is my house, not their sister's. How can I allow my kids to continue to see such behavior?

Lol. Providence... Continue. Providence is not stupidity.


Lol. Na wa o. Unceremoniously throw out?! They went back to their parent's home, after 5wks of supposed visitation. Talking like i throw out on the street.

blank:


The difference here was that they were not making themselves useful. If they were useful, he won't feel the burden of extra mouths to feed. But if you have to still pay someone to wash your car, run some errands, (assumptions I know) then it will feel like a burden.

Exactly

blank:


I think they wanted to stay an extra 2 months making it 13 weeks in total. That's a quarter of a year. I guess because he wasn't feeling any positive impact, he asked them to leave.

@op, were they not going to school or something?

As a side note, why can't people be straightforward when it comes to how long they can stay somewhere.

One of them wasn't going to school, only lazing around. Plus, even if there was positive impact,, i think a quarter of a year is too much for visitation. It is a young family for God's sake. In this era, where you need to manage every resource you can get. Visit and leave, not transfer responsibility to me na.

roaringlamb01:


One of them wasn't going to school, only lazing around. Plus, even if there was positive impact,, i think a quarter of a year is too much for visitation. It is a young family for God's sake. In this era, where you need to manage every resource you can get. Visit and leave, not transfer responsibility to me na.

How old are they ? What's their age range of you don't know.

priceaction:

How old are they ? What's their age range of you don't know.

I really don't know, but between 18 and 26, for both of them.

I don't know how things work between you and your wife. You should have discussed things with your wife only.

Moreover, why do you have to say "it's my house and not their sister's house"? Whatever issue you have with your inlaws that stopped them from greeting you should have been addressed.

I don't know if this is immaturity, but you didn't handle this well sir

How would u stay in somebody’s house and not greet the person, even if it’s your sister that’s paying the rent? OP, you tried oh. You stay in my house for a week and you don’t greet m, you’re gone. Same applies to whoever is coming from my one family too. You don’t greet my wife oga pack and live. Means they already came with a mindset. What’s essence of staying in somebody’s house and adding no value? Abeg make dem go.

roaringlamb01:


Lol... Very easy for you to speak. Did I send them away because I wanted to be "pretty and wicked"? What a way to put it.

Yes, i wanted to be pretty and wicked to a people who are overstaying their welcome, a people who don't even greet me in the morning or evening, or are not useful to me , my wife or my kids. Or who didn't deem it necessary to discuss with me about staying 2 more months (not 3 extra weeks, pls read well ...). It is my house, not their sister's. How can I allow my kids to continue to see such behavior?

Lol. Providence... Continue. Providence is not stupidity.


Lol. Na wa o. Unceremoniously throw out?! They went back to their parent's home, after 5wks of supposed visitation. Talking like i throw out on the street.

roaringlamb01:


Lol... Very easy for you to speak. Did I send them away because I wanted to be "pretty and wicked"? What a way to put it.

Yes, i wanted to be pretty and wicked to a people who are overstaying their welcome, a people who don't even greet me in the morning or evening, or are not useful to me , my wife or my kids. Or who didn't deem it necessary to discuss with me about staying 2 more months (not 3 extra weeks, pls read well ...). It is my house, not their sister's. How can I allow my kids to continue to see such behavior?

Lol. Providence... Continue. Providence is not stupidity.


Lol. Na wa o. Unceremoniously throw out?! They went back to their parent's home, after 5wks of supposed visitation. Talking like i throw out on the street.

IT IS YOUR HOUSE NOT THEIR SISTERS
You are petty and wicked. So you also see your wife as a tenant.
If this guys were to be your brothers would you have treated or even think of treating them or being petty for something as greetings, licking your asses?
How many of your younger siblings greets you and ass licks everything you do? You are petty Mr Poster.
Did you bother to be friends with this guys and tell them please do this and that, give them advise........In short be their friends.

If this had been a woman, everybody would've been asking for her head.

roaringlamb01:


Lol... Very easy for you to speak. Did I send them away because I wanted to be "pretty and wicked"? What a way to put it.

Yes, i wanted to be pretty and wicked to a people who are overstaying their welcome, a people who don't even greet me in the morning or evening, or are not useful to me , my wife or my kids. Or who didn't deem it necessary to discuss with me about staying 2 more months (not 3 extra weeks, pls read well ...). It is my house, not their sister's. How can I allow my kids to continue to see such behavior?

Lol. Providence... Continue. Providence is not stupidity.


Lol. Na wa o. Unceremoniously throw out?! They went back to their parent's home, after 5wks of supposed visitation. Talking like i throw out on the street.

I see red flags here, this is a very wrong statement






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Florblu:
I don't know how things work between you and your wife. You should have discussed things with your wife only.

Moreover, why do you have to say "it's my house and not their sister's house"? Whatever issue you have with your inlaws that stopped them from greeting you should have been addressed.

I don't know if this is immaturity, but you didn't handle this well sir

lol. "it's my house and not their sister's house". i.e. imagine if it was her house, then, they might send me packing, since they can't greet the owner of a place.

"Whatever issue you have with your inlaws that stopped them from greeting you should have been addressed..." , great point... but while they were no issues whatsoever, you are in another person's place, respect them.

btw, one has to wonder why, that is the only point you picked, maybe you would do the same thing, i guess.

Theyoungmatron:
IT IS YOUR HOUSE NOT THEIR SISTERS
You are petty and wicked. So you also see your wife as a tenant.
If this guys were to be your brothers would you have treated or even think of treating them or being petty for something as greetings, licking your asses?
How many of your younger siblings greets you and ass licks everything you do? You are petty Mr Poster.
Did you bother to be friends with this guys and tell them please do this and that, give them advise........In short be their friends.

If this had been a woman, everybody would've been asking for her head.

lol. lol. "it's my house and not their sister's house". i.e. imagine if it was her house, then, they might send me packing, since they can't greet the owner of a place

I believe this is a woman speaking...

i would like to add that,
1. the whole discussion was in cooperation with my wife. Who was disappointed at their behavior.
2. Also, that she did speak with them, they didn't change.

3. I also wonder why the focus of most people is on the fact that I asked them to leave, and not the over-staying, which is the topic of this post. were they supposed to stay forever.
4. Has anyone gone thru it? How did they handle it?

roaringlamb01:


lol. lol. "it's my house and not their sister's house". i.e. imagine if it was her house, then, they might send me packing, since they can't greet the owner of a place

I believe this is a woman speaking...

Yes i am a woman and your thinking is erroneous.SO IT IS NOT HER HOUSE? You see your wife as a visitor too albeit a permanent one in "your" house, same way you see her brothers.
Let me be clear with you--------- in terms of packing, you are threatened. You are already thinking it cos you are sending her brothers packing for " overstaying". They must have misjudged or miscalculated their moves by thinking that they will feel at home in their in-laws. They erred in that regard by not being specific on the number of days they wish to stay but they do not deserve to be treated with disdain.
If reverse is the case, would you like your wife to treat your siblings the same way you are treating hers? Please tell them you do not want them in YOUR HOUSE.

I see a lot of overeactions on this thread. And hillariously enough, not from the OP. I also read a lot of sacarsm in the OPs comments.

Op made some points that people are ignoring here.

1. Obviously funds are being stressed just on his family. Adding 2 extra adult mouths was an additional burden he wasn't comfortable with. But his wife wanted her siblings to visit, he let them visit

2. The guys were as useful as a fridge in the arctic and just as burdensome. But his wife was happy. He bore the discomfort.

3. They said they will be visiting for 2 weeks. He was prepared to be uncomfortable for 2 weeks. 5 weeks later they want to tack in another 8 weeks. Common! That is a massive amount of presumption on their part.

4. OP then realises his in-laws seem to want to leave the boys with him. You know, the African way of the elder sibling taking over responsibility of younger siblings. In this case, elder sibling and her husband. Me I call this false advertising!

So why should he not have had them leave?

You were right to get them out /send them back to their parents because they didn't respect you and could've easily influenced your two sons negatively.

roaringlamb01:

When they came, they did nothing but sell, eat and watch movies all through. They didn't greet, and were still in bed with i went to work, and watched big brother when I came back. I thought it was for 2wks, after it is a visit, right?

What were they selling?

Truth is I am in a similar situation with a number of major differences.

Before marriage, I made it clear to my then fiance that I would not want extended family staying with us semi-permanently. She was surprised at that. She had grown up being close with her siblings. She knew I grew up in a large family too. In fact at one time, there were 22 of us living in our 5 bedroom duplex! Uncles and aunts, cousins and nephews, house helps and drivers..... I hated it with a passion. Wifey understood and agreed.

Then her younger brother hit a rough patch. No job, no ideas, nothing. Was trying to go abroad to further his education and just spent his days waiting in depression. I gave him the job to run one of my businesses and said he could spend the work week at my place and go back home for the weekend. All temporary and stuff.

He's been with me over a year now. 7 days a week. I am nearing the end of my rope. But in my case, he is useful. At least I hardly need to look in on that business. He runs it well enough. He was supposed to leave for his schooling in September, but that is no longer feasible. My Lady is just as pissed about it as I am and has let her folks know that he's gotta go. But I like to think I am a reasonable person and we are looking for the best solution for him.

All I can say is that it is necessary to thread softly in family issues. Not because of providence or anything, but because you and your wife (only) need to live without grudge with each other. If both parties do not realise this, if one doesn't realise they are hurting the other, both parties will loose a lot more than "providence".

theButterfly:
You were right to get them out because they didn't respect you and could've easily influenced your two sons negatively

What were they selling?

I think he wanted to say "sleep"

And if anyone watches Big Brother in my house, on my tv, with my subscription, I'll give only one warning before tossing the person out into the streets!�

Lol.

Theyoungmatron:
Yes i am a woman and your thinking is erroneous.SO IT IS NOT HER HOUSE? You see your wife as a visitor too albeit a permanent one in "your" house, same way you see her brothers.
Let me be clear with you--------- in terms of packing, you are threatened. You are already thinking it cos you are sending her brothers packing for " overstaying". They must have misjudged or miscalculated their moves by thinking that they will feel at home in their in-laws. They erred in that regard by not being specific on the number of days they wish to stay but they do not deserve to be treated with disdain.
If reverse is the case, would you like your wife to treat your siblings the same way you are treating hers? Please tell them you do not want them in YOUR HOUSE.

You are quite dramatic, ain't you? It is fine, I understand. of course, I was threatened, I was scared; for my finances and the future of my small family in this Nigeria. Any other "treat", you may want to explain further.

You are funny, "how am I treating them?"...

UjuJoan2:


Did you send them away because you really couldn't afford it, or because you just want to be pretty and wicked?

You already housed them for 5weeks, 3 extra weeks would have not killed you.

Life is all about giving consessions and making compromises. Sometimes you have to bend to accommodate people, not because you have no choice, but because you want to.

If it were me, I will let them stay the two months before sending them away. And then I will make it clear that they will no longer be allowed.

I would do this not for in-laws, or for my wife (or husband), but for Providence, who has it possible that I will in the position to offer this kind of help to someone else.

The world is very small and tomorrow is not that far away. I wonder how those boys you unceremoniously threw out of your house will feel about you now.

Bro, we all learn lessons in life through different curves and due to the religious effect of unmerited favour in Nnigeria, our thinking has shifted from proactive planning and preparation to luck and "God Dey" factor. When you continue to handle issues with kid gloves while dealing with adults who have a complex mind and thinking faculty, you never can know on whose face the next vomit could be dropped. Of recent my younger brother gave me a shock of my life, I usually love cooking and don't like third party hands involved cos of hygiene. He is still in school and most times when he comes back he meets food at home which I have cooked already, he would open the pot and dish for himself, one day onward I started noticing that when I am done cooking he doesn't wash the plate and utensils, I ignored this until the last time I said no it must stop coupled with other behaviors, he came back home one weekend hungry and the plates where there, I inquired about it since I left it for the two days he smartly left the house to avoid washing the plates, since he was hungry he went to wash the plate and I cooked beans that Sunday, the young man ate the food two times, on a Sunday and Monday, on Monday evening he dodged eating and washing the plates and utensils, narrow down to Wednesday when he came home I asked him why he left the plates. The young man had the temerity of guts to ask me if it makes sense for me to be leaving plates for him to wash and started dragging that he didnt use the plates left, that the one he used in eating he washed them. There are some issues you use slap to solve, there are some that would correct your senses and know that the human mind can be wonderful, food I cook with my money without me asking you to pound anything, the stupid boy has been having problems trying to graduate and I was preparing without telling him to shift him to a private uni to do a joined up course for 2-3 years so he can grad. That statement changed me for months now on how I relate with people in general, I have learnt to put my interest first and don't look at what people would say, when he started this attitude at notice from me, I ignored cos if I stopped giving him food and people hear or stop him from the kitchen, the outside world would say he is your blood brother, Na because of ordinary food. The idea of you don't know tomorrow is messed up from an African view point, people would not want to sacrifice in relationship or treat you with disdain when you are at need first but when they see you at an advantage point they start flocking for help, currently I have a former uni colleague in my house, this is someone who no dey gree make person come I'm house when we were students talk less of bringing babe to his house. We don grad no job, baba dey my house of recent come dey tell me say one girl wan visit make I give am space. The real me wanted to keep quite but when I remembered what my bro did and the guys action in school then, I told him off, I can't send him out of my house cos I know his situation but I wouldn't give him that comfort , quarter of which he didn't give others when he was just a student in a self con. This life is yours, nobody would live it for you, most people are parasites that are only after where they can feed without adding anything to you. They look at how they had money in the past, albeit gotten through crude means or an over pampering parents and when they see you with cash they feel you should spend as they did or money comes to you the way it came to them, guys go one book babe for party, dey tell you say make we go flex, a dime dem no get, when them get, dem go change circle dey form for you.....The OP is a man and knows the challenges before him, people should work to put themselves at prime position because when you are at the mercy of someone, you are a beggar to that person and can't dictate a course, so if saving $1 now for the future against feeding or disposing to relations of whom you are not sure how they would turn out tomorrow........THEY SAY A BIRD IN HAND IS WORTH A THOUSAND IN THE FOREST.

Florblu:
I don't know how things work between you and your wife. You should have discussed things with your wife only.

Moreover, why do you have to say "it's my house and not their sister's house"? Whatever issue you have with your inlaws that stopped them from greeting you should have been addressed.

I don't know if this is immaturity, but you didn't handle this well sir

What manner of Inlaws would come to someone's house and don't greet. If they feel they can act anyhow, then he too can react anyhow.