Mizwisdom:
Every body come here to post Cock & Bull story. OK, your in-laws don't greet you, am I to understand that you didn't mention this to your wife but kept it stored in your heart for vengeance? how come?


Then you said it's your house? is your wife also a guest in the house or a tenant? kindly respond


You said one of your in-laws is 26 and he does nothing, did you try to mentor him or help him with connection if you have?



Try as much as possible to accept your in-laws as part of your extended family, don't always seek to drive them away but try to contribute positively to their lives one way
or other

Mizfoolishness,
1. Yes it is HIS HOUSE - as long as he's the one financially responsible for that home (which I'm sure he is).
2. It is not his responsibility to baby a 26 years old grown man. How silly of you to suggest that!

In everything the OP narrated, you've conveniently ignored his ordeal so you can pick out points for the purpose of your silly 'women empowerment' agenda. Nonsense

@ roaringlamb01 I'm sure you've seen by the comments that most women on this forum are very hypocritical, selfish and narrow minded. Next time, invite your own siblings for just 2 months and watch how accommodating your 'lovely' wife really is.

genq:



Mizfoolishness,
1. Yes it is HIS HOUSE - as long as he's the one financially responsible for that home (which I'm sure he is).
2. It is not his responsibility to baby a 26 years old grown man. How silly of you to suggest that!

In everything the OP narrated, you've conveniently ignored his ordeal so you can pick out points for the purpose of your silly 'women empowerment' agenda. Nonsense

@ roaringlamb01 I'm sure you've seen by the comments that most women on this forum are very hypocritical, selfish and narrow minded. Next time, invite your own siblings for just 2 months and watch how accommodating your 'lovely' wife really is.

When i saw her say i should mentor him, I realized their was no point reasoning with her. I have seen how narrowed minded some ladies can be, sidestepping the topic to focus only a phrase out of text. Tis aii though.

UjuJoan2:


Did you send them away because you really couldn't afford it, or because you just want to be pretty and wicked?

You already housed them for 5weeks, 3 extra weeks would have not killed you.

Life is all about giving consessions and making compromises. Sometimes you have to bend to accommodate people, not because you have no choice, but because you want to.

If it were me, I will let them stay the two months before sending them away. And then I will make it clear that they will no longer be allowed.

I would do this not for in-laws, or for my wife (or husband), but for Providence, who has it possible that I will in the position to offer this kind of help to someone else.

The world is very small and tomorrow is not that far away. I wonder how those boys you unceremoniously threw out of your house will feel about you now.

U cant say it better joo, from the inlaw part wat they were trying to do is a stylish abandonment of their responsibility for the mam. But from the man's confession as well, i can see he's self centered a bit, he's not accomodating enof.

blank:


I think they wanted to stay an extra 2 months making it 13 weeks in total. That's a quarter of a year. I guess because he wasn't feeling any positive impact, he asked them to leave.

@op, were they not going to school or something?

As a side note, why can't people be straightforward when it comes to how long they can stay somewhere.

Yea u re right, the in-laws should hav bn straight enof to clear any doubt, but also the man was nt ready to entertain any visitor from the onset.

roaringlamb01:


Lol... Very easy for you to speak. Did I send them away because I wanted to be "pretty and wicked"? What a way to put it.

Yes, i wanted to be pretty and wicked to a people who are overstaying their welcome, a people who don't even greet me in the morning or evening, or are not useful to me , my wife or my kids. Or who didn't deem it necessary to discuss with me about staying 2 more months (not 3 extra weeks, pls read well ...). It is my house, not their sister's. How can I allow my kids to continue to see such behavior?

Lol. Providence... Continue. Providence is not stupidity.


Lol. Na wa o. Unceremoniously throw out?! They went back to their parent's home, after 5wks of supposed visitation. Talking like i throw out on the street.

@bolded, pls if u hav bn using this language before your wife or inlaw stop using it, its nt good and its uncalled for. it sinks home, makes ur wife to b in loggerhead with u material wise, nobody would like to hear dat sir. it belongs to u both.

roaringlamb01:

lol. ok ma!

Continue taking things lightly until your marriage falls apart

Mizwisdom:



Continue taking things lightly until your marriage falls apart

This statement is so unwarranted!

@op what you did really shows you are the man in charge of your home and not a mumu husband.Your wife's siblings have seen your home as relaxation center.I bet your wife will do same cos she won't be comfortable if your siblings overstayed. I am a woman and I know what women can do.

annalong:


This statement is so unwarranted!

Very much so.

Mizwisdom:



Continue taking things lightly until your marriage falls apart

Helloooo, because you r not of the same school of thought does does not warrant you to wish someone's marriage crumble. Haba

roaringlamb01:



Very much so.

Op, na man you be jare, dont mind us. I hate it when someone decides to be lazy. Someone even suggests you mentor a 26 year old adult, lol. I cant stop � � � laughing.

Mizwisdom:



Continue taking things lightly until your marriage falls apart

Are u OK? Or u need Lumapil Forte

roaringlamb01:


lol... women!

annalong:


This statement is so unwarranted!

I'm not wishing him bad, I only wanted him to take things seriously, it seems he just dismisses any comment from females and he has a wife who is definitely female so why is he dismissing suggestions from females? honestly the man is some how thank God he's not my husband

.

Op, u did well. U even tolerated dia disrespect too long enough. Buh, why re majority of d ladies here getting all emotional

Shallypop:
To the mother of your kids? . May God have mercy on we women. Our reward is in heaven.

U guys should overlook that. It was an outburst.
Has he not been carrying the wife along all along?
He extended the visit. Accommodated young guys that can't even say hi to him.

U guys are just looking for loopholes.
He did well.


They got the message.
Next time when things are a bit better, extended families will come but this time, their yes will be yes.
That was the message he sent across.

If people from his side visits, the wife will checkmark him.
Women don't play with this kind of thing.

OP did nothing wrong.

EOD

Mizwisdom:



I'm not wishing him bad, I only wanted him to take things seriously, it seems he just dismisses any comment from females and he has a wife who is definitely female so why is he dismissing suggestions from females? honestly the man is some how thank God he's not my husband

Lol. I didn't dismiss every lady here.. I dismissed you. And you proved me right, after your comment concerning my marriage... Besides, you never really addressed the issue.

I am somehow? Lol. You are really funny o. Honestly.

Of course, with your way of thinking, you wouldn't be my wife too.

i dislike when doing good turns bad or when people overstayed at your home. I think it's best to communicate when you are coming and leaving before making that trip.
Something like hey I'm coming to visit....okay when are you coming and when will you be leaving?

sassysure:

U never meet konga heads
A nebor in school that had a case with the landlord and pleaded to stay with me till weekend practically pursued me from my room
I came back one day from school, opened door as usual and ran away
She desecrated my bed.i refused to go back o.
The person I ran to her room and refused to leave went back to pursue her and her visitor. She was like, there is nothing there.
Fear wafi babes

fabulousfortune:
Op, u did well. U even tolerated dia disrespect too long enough. Buh, why re majority of d ladies here getting all emotional

My exact thoughts, overly dramatic. A few honest ones, though.

UjuJoan2:


Did you send them away because you really couldn't afford it, or because you just want to be pretty and wicked?

You already housed them for 5weeks, 3 extra weeks would have not killed you.

Life is all about giving consessions and making compromises. Sometimes you have to bend to accommodate people, not because you have no choice, but because you want to.

If it were me, I will let them stay the two months before sending them away. And then I will make it clear that they will no longer be allowed.

I would do this not for in-laws, or for my wife (or husband), but for Providence, who has it possible that I will in the position to offer this kind of help to someone else.

The world is very small and tomorrow is not that far away. I wonder how those boys you unceremoniously threw out of your house will feel about you now.

They came visiting and said they would spend only 2weeks. Why extend it to 3 months? There's nothing petty and wicked in sending them back to their home. It's a different thing if they were homeless, but they're not.
OP did the right thing for him. The only thing I dont understand is why bring it on NL after you've taken a stand and acted on your decision. Do you need NL members to validate your action or what?
Once you take a decision, own it. No apologies, no looking back, no need for validation from anyone..... Nothing.

yeyeosoronga:


They came visiting and said they would spend only 2weeks. Why extend it to 3 months? There's nothing petty and wicked in sending them back to their home. It's a different thing if they were homeless, but they're not.
OP did the right thing for him. The only thing I dont understand is why bring it on NL after you've taken a stand and acted on your decision. Do you need NL members to validate your action or what?
Once you take a decision, own it. No apologies, no looking back, no need for validation from anyone..... Nothing.

Hey!

Nothing really! Just to share, know if people experience it, know how they handled it. No one's an island. I didn't mention names, just to educate myself some more ni. Dasall

Mizwisdom:



I'm not wishing him bad, I only wanted him to take things seriously, it seems he just dismisses any comment from females and he has a wife who is definitely female so why is he dismissing suggestions from females? honestly the man is some how thank God he's not my husband

Yeah....face ur husband and stop disturbing his life. Must he conform to ur belief? Jeez

yeyeosoronga:


They came visiting and said they would spend only 2weeks. Why extend it to 3 months? There's nothing petty and wicked in sending them back to their home. It's a different thing if they were homeless, but they're not.
OP did the right thing for him. The only thing I dont understand is why bring it on NL after you've taken a stand and acted on your decision. Do you need NL members to validate your action or what?
Once you take a decision, own it. No apologies, no looking back, no need for validation from anyone..... Nothing.

He did well bringing it to NL, that's what forums are for. At least some people will learn a thing or two from his post, and also learn from people's comments.

.

.

Breaststroke:


I can relate to this, I grew up in a somewhat similar environment. The only difference is, we never had that number of people living together at once, but our house was like an open house that catered to the needs of every Tom, Dick and Harry.
.......

Damn. That's messed up.

So how do you run your home now?

Mizwisdom:



Continue taking things lightly until your marriage falls apart

Jeez, no correlation, very unnecessary.

Op you did well, as far as your wife is in support of your decision, it's all good.

Breaststroke:
@ OP, you were more tolerant than I would have been.

I was seriously put off by the brothers' laziness and your wife's parents, for asking why the brothers can't continue to stay even with expected guests.

No offence meant but what sort of inconsiderate family did you marry into? They would have left my house sooner rather than later, I have low to zero tolerance for bullshit.

Please lay down ground rules for guests in your home, whether they are relatives or not. When I am a guest in someone's home I make myself useful in cash or kind.

In cash, I either buy fuel for the gen, bread, tea items or whatever I perceive is needed, even without being asked. In kind, I help with chores around the house.

These are common sense ways to make yourself endearing as a guest in people's homes. It amazes me how many adults don't know this, being 24 or 26 is not an excuse. Then again male children are often trained differently from female ones, so it explains the brothers' poor attitude.

wow! you really caught what set me off. The expected guests were my parents, who hadn't seen my kids since the naming. When they come, I would have 9 people (including our help) under my roof.

When I heard her parents' say "so, because my people are coming, their children should leave ...", I was shocked to my pants. I am a person who loves my peace and quiet, 9 people around me all the time will literally make be cranky and eventually kill me.

See, I love my wife die, and I do anything to make her happy, but this issue was really eye opening for me. When I called her aside and explained everything I had observed to her, she understood completely. Even, hastened their departure. I have also told her, it would be a while before I accept any guests (another brother of her's was also here for a month this same year)... Certainly not 2 people, her parent's didn't call me, I don't know if it is fear or disregard, but like you said "ground rules" will be set from now on, esp after seeing that they wanted to dump them with me.

cheers.

wow! That is really something, I can't even begin to imagine. How did your mum feel about it?

Breaststroke:


I can relate to this, I grew up in a somewhat similar environment. The only difference is, we never had that number of people living together at once, but our house was like an open house that catered to the needs of every Tom, Dick and Harry.

1. It was like the viewing center people came to, when they wanted to watch a major football match because they knew a gen was available if NEPA failed.

2. It also served as a restaurant that fed people who were hungry. People intentionally visited for the free food or drink they would get.

3. It was also a sick bay where my dad's relatives would bring any ailing family member and dump for him to take care of, without prior notice or his permission to do so.................I can go on but I'll make it a short list.

There were always people flocking in and out of our home, I hated it. There were short term & long term guests, daily guests who visited for long hours of the day etc. Siesta was impossible, the moment you lay down to rest a bit you are being called, to come and serve food or prepare a fresh meal for a new visitor. We couldn't even watch TV freely, without being asked to switch channels to one a visitor preferred.

Morning devotions were also impossible to conduct without interruption. As early as 7am, they would be visitors knocking loudly at the gate (This is not an exaggeration). I was always eager for school (Uni) to re-open so I could return to the hostel and have some semblance of sanity.

If school reopens today, by tomorrow I'll pack my things and go. My course mate Sylvia once asked me why I resume school so early, I told her I didn't like it at home.

Home felt like a problematic house, accommodating too many people who made no positive impact to that house. A home is meant to be like a sweet & safe haven you can retreat to, for sanity, love, peace & quiet, not chaos or drama.

When people say there's no place like home, I am first amused then mildly irritated at their naivety. Home is where the heart is, that place where you mostly enjoy, you are glad and at peace. Heaven knows my heart was never in my parents home where I grew up.