apotek:
It happened to me too. My wife's sister came to live with us and I banged her like a boss, recorded it and showed the video to my wife. She sent her packing

Ahan... I choose to believe it is lie.

roaringlamb01:


Ahan... I choose to believe it is lie.

I lie on top your wife bah

Exactly his parents should not stay longer than necessary-out of respect for his wife and children. Make sure they leave after their short visit. Nothing like na my pickin house syndrome. There presence might disrupt the peace you want in your home.
Maybe I missed it, you didn't say your parents were coming in the first post.

Breaststroke:


This your matter dey make me laugh walahi.

They are asking if your parents have left so that what will happen?

Who has been asking, her parents or her brothers?

Is there a problem @ the parents house like a case of bed bugs, snakes or leaking roof, that makes it life threatening for them to stay there?

Whatever steps you take regarding your in-laws, from this point forward should be the same ones you apply when it's your own family involved so there's consistency and no bias.

.

.

apotek:
It happened to me too. My wife's sister came to live with us and I banged her like a boss, recorded it and showed the video to my wife. She sent her packing

People that talk like this have never seen vagin.a before in their life

roaringlamb01:


Thanks for explaining, I see your angle better now. But mehn, it is difficult either way, its Nigeria and tradition. It would still come down to me (the man). Inlaws are sensitive but one should be strong from the get go, I think! Funny enough, my wife says they have been asking if my parents have left, they haven't even spent two weeks.

I will soon test them, I want to see if they will ask them to come back.

I get your points, these guys don't want to understand that the economy is hard and they contribute nothing at home

Even to sweep or clean the house, you have to even remind them to wash your car

Seat your wife down and talk to her that the economy is too hard to keep people you have to feed

If she is not cooperating, let her contribute a larger percentage of what it cost to run your home and let's see how far she goes

elektra:


People that talk like this have never seen vagin.a before in their life

If i coza you, I swear no amount of krest will save you.
Nonsense and ingredient

armyofone:
Exactly his parents should not stay longer than necessary-out of respect for his wife and children. Make sure they leave after their short visit. Nothing like na my pickin house syndrome. There presence might disrupt the peace you want in your home.
Maybe I missed it, you didn't say your parents were coming in the first post.

I am not sure that is she meant when she said "Whatever steps you take regarding your in-laws, from this point forward should be the same ones you apply when it's your own family involved so there's consistency and no bias." ... Parents and siblings can't be compared in this regard, from both sides. But even length of visit should be with discretion. I did say they were coming. And they are leaving already, my dad is a guy man o, very understanding.

Breaststroke:


No nah army baby! When it comes to parents I am all for people breaking protocols and going the extra mile for them.

Parents (good ones) took care of us from infancy to adulthood, we ought to do right and do well by them as they age, because unlike our siblings youth & strength are no longer on their side.

I prioritize my parents over my siblings all the time and in this case when I said the same rules should apply to his family for consistency, I was thinking more of his siblings.

Recall that his parents haven't visited since the naming ceremony, but wifey's people (except her dad) have visited several times.

Rules should be broken for good & reasonable parents.

Just saw ur comment, I agree!

frozen70:


I get your points, these guys don't want to understand that the economy is hard and they contribute nothing at home

Even to sweep or clean the house, you have to even remind them to wash your car

Seat your wife down and talk to her that the economy is too hard to keep people you have to feed

If she is not cooperating, let her contribute a larger percentage of what it cost to run your home and let's see how far she goes

Lol. they did nothing through out... Don't see them when I leave for work, and return to see them glued to big brother. super annoying stuff. Ha! She's learnt o, when food started finishing (esp. since we don't eat in the afternoon since we are both at work). Na the maid I pity pass, washing more plates and serving their food.

roaringlamb01:


Thanks for explaining, I see your angle better now. But mehn, it is difficult either way, its Nigeria and tradition. It would still come down to me (the man). Inlaws are sensitive but one should be strong from the get go, I think! Funny enough, my wife says they have been asking if my parents have left, they haven't even spent two weeks.

I will soon test them, I want to see if they will ask them to come back.

Now this doesn't bode well. For her parents to be asking if yiur parents have gone. They want to know if you hold your own family to thensame standards you held them to. That is the problem. Your in laws have a negative mindset towards you. Fortunately, it seems like your wife's got your back.

My advice. Get your wife to gently warn them. "Why are you talking like this? Do you want my brothers to move into my marital home but don't want his parents to stay for long periods? Are you trying to bring issues into my marriage?" You know, that kind of thing. She should stress on how it all affects her marriage. That should cool things down somewhat. No parents not from hell want to strain their only daughter's marriage.

Shallypop:
Mama the Mama. I didn't reply your mention cos I totally didn't agree with your points. I thought to myself that these moniker looked familiar and I looked up my old posts and realised you have been helpful to me sometimes ago. I was d one complaining about my daughter's reoccurring infection. Your lengthy reply really helped me. I thank and appreciate you once more. God bless your family.

Oh!!!!

Hugs and kisses

I remembered u at a point and wanted to ask how far but then again I don't want to be busy body.
So happy all is well now.
I appreciate darling.
Thank you.


As regards the topic, we can agree to disagree na

.

roaringlamb01:


Lol. they did nothing through out... Don't see them when I leave for work, and return to see them glued to big brother. super annoying stuff. Ha! She's learnt o, when food started finishing (esp. since we don't eat in the afternoon since we are both at work). Na the maid I pity pass, washing more plates and serving their food.

That's why women should be involved in family spending so that they will know how it feels

Oga you did the right thing! Times are hard,when you have two grown up in laws you tend to wonder how everything you bought in the house get to finish ... Some in laws in most cases dont know boundaries ...

@Op I believe your in laws are already missing your comfortable home.They can't wait to come back and continue to watch their bb naija and eat and sleep like they like .That's why they wanna know if your parents are still around...Those guys are just lazy....once they come back,they won't want to leave this time around.To avoid unnecessary quarrel from them because they will confront you this time around if you ask them to leave.It is better you insist that they are not coming back because your wife's parents want them to be living permanently with you guys.Una go box each other if those guys come back...Guys wey go see you and not greet you....Abeg based on logistics guy bone them.

LewsTherin:


Now this doesn't bode well. For her parents to be asking if yiur parents have gone. They want to know if you hold your own family to thensame standards you held them to. That is the problem. Your in laws have a negative mindset towards you. Fortunately, it seems like your wife's got your back.

My advice. Get your wife to gently warn them. "Why are you talking like this? Do you want my brothers to move into my marital home but don't want his parents to stay for long periods? Are you trying to bring issues into my marriage?" You know, that kind of thing. She should stress on how it all affects her marriage. That should cool things down somewhat. No parents not from hell want to strain their only daughter's marriage.

Interestingly, someone mentioned something similar earlier "They want to know if you hold your own family to the same standards you held them to"... I didn't even think about it, I thought that maybe they just wanted the boys back. I doubt they are thinking that way though, I would like to think we have a good relationship.

jenifer007:
@Op I believe your in laws are already missing your comfortable home.They can't wait to come back and continue to watch their bb naija and eat and sleep like they like .That's why they wanna know if your parents are still around...Those guys are just lazy....once they come back,they won't want to leave this time around.To avoid unnecessary quarrel from them because they will confront you this time around if you ask them to leave.It is better you insist that they are not coming back because your wife's parents want them to be living permanently with you guys.Una go box each other if those guys come back...Guys wey go see you and not greet you....Abeg based on logistics guy bone them.

lol... That bb naija ehn, never been a fan, and to have people watching it when I just want to chill with my family at night is just sad!

Breaststroke:


Fathers are often restless and impatient to get back to their lives and territories. I can so relate, my dad is the same way, lol.

You need to give situation report to the other side oo , make chapter 3 of this story unfold abeg.

I am curious to know what happens next, when they receive word that your parents have left.

This matter intrigues me because of my childhood background and experience, with extended family.

I am as curious as you are... I expect they should reason that man go recover first, before even suggesting it.

In fact, for the rest of this year, I don't wanna hear anything. They have, combined, spent close to 3months out of 12 this year na!

roaringlamb01:
i would like to add that,
1. the whole discussion was in cooperation with my wife. Who was disappointed at their behavior.
2. Also, that she did speak with them, they didn't change.

3. I also wonder why the focus of most people is on the fact that I asked them to leave, and not the over-staying, which is the topic of this post. were they supposed to stay forever.
4. Has anyone gone thru it? How did they handle it?

Yes I have. It’s quite stressful and it always ends in a bad note. Suggestions for any breadwinner in such a situation next time is never increase feeding allowance for a time when visitors are around. If it was already a principle, the non bread winner for hear am and do the needful faster!

http://astrongnigerianwoman.com/

UjuJoan2:


Did you send them away because you really couldn't afford it, or because you just want to be petty and wicked?

You already housed them for 5weeks, 3 extra weeks would have not killed you.

Life is all about giving consessions and making compromises. Sometimes you have to bend to accommodate people, not because you have no choice, but because you want to.

If it were me, I will let them stay the two months before sending them away. And then I will make it clear that they will no longer be allowed.

I would do this not for in-laws, or for my wife (or husband), but for Providence, who has it possible that I will in the position to offer this kind of help to someone else.

The world is very small and tomorrow is not that far away. I wonder how those boys you unceremoniously threw out of your house will feel about you now.

This poster does not work. He/She does not know what is cost to feed one extra mouth not to talk of two.

roaringlamb01:
Hey people,
I will cut to the chase.

I stay in a 4 bed room with my wife and two sons (twins). I live a quiet life and like it that way free to preying eyes, but recently my wife asked of her two brothers could come visiting, as they had never been to our place in Lagos.

I didn't like it, because I didnt like the extra mouths to feed, esp. now that things are hard everywhere, but her parents began to put pressure on her, and manipulate her with comments, like "you don't want to see your siblings" and so forth.

I wasn't also comfortable with two boys just sleeping and waking up in my house. But I obliged to teach her a lesson.

When they came, they did nothing but sell, eat and watch movies all through. They didn't greet, and were still in bed with i went to work, and watched big brother when I came back. I thought it was for 2wks, after it is a visitation, right?!

Wrong!!!

2wks soon became 5wks, at which point, food usually planned for a month was gone in weeks, add to the inconvenience.

My wife was happy, so I didn't mind. But something interesting happened, she said they want to stay for 2 more months. Hell no! I asked her to tell them, they had till the weekend, that I was expecting visitors of my own.

By the time, her parents heard, they said why couldn't they stay, even with my visitors.

It, then, dawned on me that, this wasn't a visitation. They wanted to abandon them here with me or something. It was very inconsiderate, to say I should feed myself, my wife, the twins, her brothers and 2 extra guests. Am I dangote?!

Of course, I have sent them away, and it won't happen again. She already knows.

Has anyone experienced this before?! How did you handle it?

It's really not easy feeding extra mouths in times like this.

Just wish I can do this to my in-laws but it's my husband's house not mine. It's been six years now. Wetin woman go do

blank:


I think they wanted to stay an extra 2 months making it 13 weeks in total. That's a quarter of a year. I guess because he wasn't feeling any positive impact, he asked them to leave.

@op, were they not going to school or something?

As a side note, why can't people be straightforward when it comes to how long they can stay somewhere.

They knw u might not allow them 2 cum at all if they tell u d exact period they want 2 use, dat is why they wil cum and be extending it small small

BIXYBABE:
They knw u might not allow them 2 cum at all if they tell u d exact period they want 2 use, dat is why they wil cum and be extending it small small

Lesson learnt

Dont know what's wrong with some of the women on this forum. I have been reading and identifying similar monikers who feel they champion women's right.

The OP has clarified the house been his own. He pays the entire Bill's and so he is not wrong. If any separation occurs, the female partner will leave with her items. However, if the wife contributes her own portion of the financial resources, she also lay claim to the house. Imagine, you no dey pay bills still wan claim house.

OP you acted right. Before you know, the parents may even relocate to your apartment. I wonder why some in-laws are so selfish. Also, ignore these women right fighters. You owe them no explanation. In fact you owe no one any explanation how you run your family. Let them face their own family and focus on their responsibilities.
....

roaringlamb01:


wow! you really caught what set me off. The expected guests were my parents, who hadn't seen my kids since the naming. When they come, I would have 9 people (including our help) under my roof.

When I heard her parents' say "so, because my people are coming, their children should leave ...", I was shocked to my pants. I am a person who loves my peace and quiet, 9 people around me all the time will literally make be cranky and eventually kill me.

See, I love my wife die, and I do anything to make her happy, but this issue was really eye opening for me. When I called her aside and explained everything I had observed to her, she understood completely. Even, hastened their departure. I have also told her, it would be a while before I accept any guests (another brother of her's was also here for a month this same year)... Certainly not 2 people, her parent's didn't call me, I don't know if it is fear or disregard, but like you said "ground rules" will be set from now on, esp after seeing that they wanted to dump them with me.

cheers.

In laws - this is how they create tension in marriages. Oga lay the ground rules immediately and it should apply to everybody.

mysticgal:


Madam, this is so childish of you.

I am sure you are the type that feels entitled to people’s money or materials “oh if you’re coming from London better buy me clothe oh”

Is it the husbands job to care for a 26year old? Or is he under obligation by law or statue to give him any connection he has? ForGod’s sake that 26 year old is a bastard olorun to think his brother in-law owes him anything.

Life hard this one .. gaan