₦airaland Forum

LewsTherin:
I see a lot of overeactions on this thread. And hillariously enough, not from the OP. I also read a lot of sacarsm in the OPs comments.

Op made some points that people are ignoring here.

1. Obviously funds are being stressed just on his family. Adding 2 extra adult mouths was an additional burden he wasn't comfortable with. But his wife wanted her siblings to visit, he let them visit

2. The guys were as useful as a fridge in the arctic and just as burdensome. But his wife was happy. He bore the discomfort.

3. They said they will be visiting for 2 weeks. He was prepared to be uncomfortable for 2 weeks. 5 weeks later they want to tack in another 8 weeks. Common! That is a massive amount of presumption on their part.

4. OP then realises his in-laws seem to want to leave the boys with him. You know, the African way of the elder sibling taking over responsibility of younger siblings. In this case, elder sibling and her husband. Me I call this false advertising!

So why should he not have had them leave?

roaringlamb01:
You are quite dramatic, ain't you? It is fine, I understand. of course, I was threatened, I was scared; for my finances and the future of my small family in this Nigeria. Any other "treat", you may want to explain further.

You are funny, "how am I treating them?"...

UjuJoan2:
Did you send them away because you really couldn't afford it, or because you just want to be pretty and wicked?

You already housed them for 5weeks, 3 extra weeks would have not killed you.

Life is all about giving consessions and making compromises. Sometimes you have to bend to accommodate people, not because you have no choice, but because you want to.

If it were me, I will let them stay the two months before sending them away. And then I will make it clear that they will no longer be allowed.

I would do this not for in-laws, or for my wife (or husband), but for Providence, who has it possible that I will in the position to offer this kind of help to someone else.

The world is very small and tomorrow is not that far away. I wonder how those boys you unceremoniously threw out of your house will feel about you now.

roaringlamb01:
Lol... Very easy for you to speak. Did I send them away because I wanted to be "pretty and wicked"? What a way to put it.

Yes, i wanted to be pretty and wicked to a people who are overstaying their welcome, a people who don't even greet me in the morning or evening, or are not useful to me , my wife or my kids. Or who didn't deem it necessary to discuss with me about staying 2 more months (not 3 extra weeks, pls read well ...). It is my house, not their sister's. How can I allow my kids to continue to see such behavior?

Lol. Providence... Continue. Providence is not stupidity.


Lol. Na wa o. Unceremoniously throw out?! They went back to their parent's home, after 5wks of supposed visitation. Talking like i throw out on the street.

roaringlamb01:
lol. "it's my house and not their sister's house". i.e. imagine if it was her house, then, they might send me packing, since they can't greet the owner of a place.

"Whatever issue you have with your inlaws that stopped them from greeting you should have been addressed..." , great point... but while they were no issues whatsoever, you are in another person's place, respect them.

btw, one has to wonder why, that is the only point you picked, maybe you would do the same thing, i guess.

roaringlamb01:
i would like to add that,
1. the whole discussion was in cooperation with my wife. Who was disappointed at their behavior.
2. Also, that she did speak with them, they didn't change.

3. I also wonder why the focus of most people is on the fact that I asked them to leave, and not the over-staying, which is the topic of this post. were they supposed to stay forever.
4. Has anyone gone thru it? How did they handle it?

LewsTherin:
I see a lot of overeactions on this thread. And hillariously enough, not from the OP. I also read a lot of sacarsm in the OPs comments.

Op made some points that people are ignoring here.

1. Obviously funds are being stressed just on his family. Adding 2 extra adult mouths was an additional burden he wasn't comfortable with. But his wife wanted her siblings to visit, he let them visit

2. The guys were as useful as a fridge in the arctic and just as burdensome. But his wife was happy. He bore the discomfort.

3. They said they will be visiting for 2 weeks. He was prepared to be uncomfortable for 2 weeks. 5 weeks later they want to tack in another 8 weeks. Common! That is a massive amount of presumption on their part.

4. OP then realises his in-laws seem to want to leave the boys with him. You know, the African way of the elder sibling taking over responsibility of younger siblings. In this case, elder sibling and her husband. Me I call this false advertising!

So why should he not have had them leave?

Florblu:
And what part did you think I will do? Be specific.

Moreover, it is your wife's house same way it is yours even if it is built/rented by you. Polish your bogus mentality and learn to manage situations calmly.

roaringlamb01:
Lol... Very easy for you to speak. Did I send them away because I wanted to be "pretty and wicked"? What a way to put it.

Yes, i wanted to be pretty and wicked to a people who are overstaying their welcome, a people who don't even greet me in the morning or evening, or are not useful to me , my wife or my kids. Or who didn't deem it necessary to discuss with me about staying 2 more months (not 3 extra weeks, pls read well ...). It is my house, not their sister's. How can I allow my kids to continue to see such behavior?

Lol. Providence... Continue. Providence is not stupidity.


Lol. Na wa o. Unceremoniously throw out?! They went back to their parent's home, after 5wks of supposed visitation. Talking like i throw out on the street.

LewsTherin:
I think he wanted to say "sleep"

And if anyone watches Big Brother in my house, on my tv, with my subscription, I'll give only one warning before tossing the person out into the streets!�

roaringlamb01:
Hey people,
I will cut to the chase.

I stay in a 4 bed room with my wife and two sons (twins). I live a quiet life and like it that way free to preying eyes, but recently my wife asked of her two brothers could come visiting, as they had never been to our place in Lagos.

I didn't like it, because I didnt like the extra mouths to feed, esp. now that things are hard everywhere, but her parents began to put pressure on her, and manipulate her with comments, like "you don't want to see your siblings" and so forth.

I wasn't also comfortable with two boys just sleeping and waking up in my house. But I obliged to teach her a lesson.

When they came, they did nothing but sell, eat and watch movies all through. They didn't greet, and were still in bed with i went to work, and watched big brother when I came back. I thought it was for 2wks, after it is a visitation, right?!

Wrong!!!

2wks soon became 5wks, at which point, food usually planned for a month was gone in weeks, add to the inconvenience.

My wife was happy, so I didn't mind. But something interesting happened, she said they want to stay for 2 more months. Hell no! I asked her to tell them, they had till the weekend, that I was expecting visitors of my own.

By the time, her parents heard, they said why couldn't they stay, even with my visitors.

It, then, dawned on me that, this wasn't a visitation. They wanted to abandon them here with me or something. It was very inconsiderate, to say I should feed myself, my wife, the twins, her brothers and 2 extra guests. Am I dangote?!

Of course, I have sent them away, and it won't happen again. She already knows.

Has anyone experienced this before?! How did you handle it?

bukatyne:
To think I was thinking of coming to visit next week.

bukatyne:
Reading your story, I think your home has some holes your in-laws exploited.

You don't present a united front so they think pressuring your wife would get them whatever they want.

They also do not respect you & family else they would have told you/your wife the exact duration they wanted the boys to stay.

The boys also are reacting from the way your wife/you are esteemed. There is a way your family would present itself that your younger in-laws would scramble to greet you and make themselves useful to you.

Your wife needs to let them know that you make decisions together and have to both agree on if they come around and how long long they stay.

Neither I nor my husband honestly would not stand an in-law who is practically unuseful and disrespectful.

Goodluck.

bukatyne:
To think I was thinking of coming to visit next week.

roaringlamb01:
Lol... Very easy for you to speak. Did I send them away because I wanted to be "pretty and wicked"? What a way to put it.

Yes, i wanted to be pretty and wicked to a people who are overstaying their welcome, a people who don't even greet me in the morning or evening, or are not useful to me , my wife or my kids. Or who didn't deem it necessary to discuss with me about staying 2 more months (not 3 extra weeks, pls read well ...). It is my house, not their sister's.
How can I allow my kids to continue to see such behavior?

Lol. Providence... Continue. Providence is not stupidity.


Lol. Na wa o. Unceremoniously throw out?! They went back to their parent's home, after 5wks of supposed visitation. Talking like i throw out on the street.

ubcandid:
Bro, we all learn lessons in life through different curves and due to the religious effect of unmerited favour in Nnigeria, our thinking has shifted from proactive planning and preparation to luck and "God Dey" factor. When you continue to handle issues with kid gloves while dealing with adults who have a complex mind and thinking faculty, you never can know on whose face the next vomit could be dropped. Of recent my younger brother gave me a shock of my life, I usually love cooking and don't like third party hands involved cos of hygiene.

He is still in school and most times when he comes back he meets food at home which I have cooked already, he would open the pot and dish for himself, one day onward I started noticing that when I am done cooking he doesn't wash the plate and utensils, I ignored this until the last time I said no it must stop coupled with other behaviors, he came back home one weekend hungry and the plates where there, I inquired about it since I left it for the two days he smartly left the house to avoid washing the plates, since he was hungry he went to wash the plate and I cooked beans that Sunday, the young man ate the food two times, on a Sunday and Monday, on Monday evening he dodged eating and washing the plates and utensils, narrow down to Wednesday when he came home I asked him why he left the plates. The young man had the temerity of guts to ask me if it makes sense for me to be leaving plates for him to wash and started dragging that he didnt use the plates left, that the one he used in eating he washed them.

There are some issues you use slap to solve, there are some that would correct your senses and know that the human mind can be wonderful, food I cook with my money without me asking you to pound anything, the stupid boy has been having problems trying to graduate and I was preparing without telling him to shift him to a private uni to do a joined up course for 2-3 years so he can grad. That statement changed me for months now on how I relate with people in general, I have learnt to put my interest first and don't look at what people would say, when he started this attitude at notice from me, I ignored cos if I stopped giving him food and people hear or stop him from the kitchen, the outside world would say he is your blood brother, Na because of ordinary food.

The idea of you don't know tomorrow is messed up from an African view point, people would not want to sacrifice in relationship or treat you with disdain when you are at need first but when they see you at an advantage point they start flocking for help, currently I have a former uni colleague in my house, this is someone who no dey gree make person come I'm house when we were students talk less of bringing babe to his house. We don grad no job, baba dey my house of recent come dey tell me say one girl wan visit make I give am space.

The real me wanted to keep quite but when I remembered what my bro did and the guys action in school then, I told him off, I can't send him out of my house cos I know his situation but I wouldn't give him that comfort , quarter of which he didn't give others when he was just a student in a self con.

This life is yours, nobody would live it for you, most people are parasites that are only after where they can feed without adding anything to you. They look at how they had money in the past, albeit gotten through crude means or an over pampering parents and when they see you with cash they feel you should spend as they did or money comes to you the way it came to them, guys go one book babe for party, dey tell you say make we go flex, a dime dem no get, when them get, dem go change circle dey form for you.....

The OP is a man and knows the challenges before him, people should work to put themselves at prime position because when you are at the mercy of someone, you are a beggar to that person and can't dictate a course, so if saving $1 now for the future against feeding or disposing to relations of whom you are not sure how they would turn out tomorrow........THEY SAY A BIRD IN HAND IS WORTH A THOUSAND IN THE FOREST.

Shallypop:
To the mother of your kids? . May God have mercy on we women. Our reward is in heaven.

roaringlamb01:
The idea of you don't know tomorrow is messed up from an African view point - You are right, bro!

roaringlamb01:
Don't be dramatic

UjuJoan2:
Did you send them away because you really couldn't afford it, or because you just want to be pretty and wicked?

You already housed them for 5weeks, 3 extra weeks would have not killed you.

Life is all about giving consessions and making compromises. Sometimes you have to bend to accommodate people, not because you have no choice, but because you want to.

If it were me, I will let them stay the two months before sending them away. And then I will make it clear that they will no longer be allowed.

I would do this not for in-laws, or for my wife (or husband), but for Providence, who has it possible that I will in the position to offer this kind of help to someone else.

The world is very small and tomorrow is not that far away. I wonder how those boys you unceremoniously threw out of your house will feel about you now.

roaringlamb01:
Lol... Very easy for you to speak. Did I send them away because I wanted to be "pretty and wicked"? What a way to put it.

Yes, i wanted to be pretty and wicked to a people who are overstaying their welcome, a people who don't even greet me in the morning or evening, or are not useful to me , my wife or my kids. Or who didn't deem it necessary to discuss with me about staying 2 more months (not 3 extra weeks, pls read well ...). It is my house, not their sister's. How can I allow my kids to continue to see such behavior?

Lol. Providence... Continue. Providence is not stupidity.


Lol. Na wa o. Unceremoniously throw out?! They went back to their parent's home, after 5wks of supposed visitation. Talking like i throw out on the street.

Theyoungmatron:
Yes i am a woman and your thinking is erroneous.SO IT IS NOT HER HOUSE? You see your wife as a visitor too albeit a permanent one in "your" house, same way you see her brothers.
Let me be clear with you--------- in terms of packing, you are threatened. You are already thinking it cos you are sending her brothers packing for " overstaying". They must have misjudged or miscalculated their moves by thinking that they will feel at home in their in-laws. They erred in that regard by not being specific on the number of days they wish to stay but they do not deserve to be treated with disdain.
If reverse is the case, would you like your wife to treat your siblings the same way you are treating hers? Please tell them you do not want them in YOUR HOUSE.

roaringlamb01:
Lol... Very easy for you to speak. Did I send them away because I wanted to be "pretty and wicked"? What a way to put it.

Yes, i wanted to be pretty and wicked to a people who are overstaying their welcome, a people who don't even greet me in the morning or evening, or are not useful to me , my wife or my kids. Or who didn't deem it necessary to discuss with me about staying 2 more months (not 3 extra weeks, pls read well ...). It is my house, not their sister's. How can I allow my kids to continue to see such behavior?

Lol. Providence... Continue. Providence is not stupidity.


Lol. Na wa o. Unceremoniously throw out?! They went back to their parent's home, after 5wks of supposed visitation. Talking like i throw out on the street.

armyofone:
That house is not your house. 'It is our house' not yours!
So that was why you felt cold eh eh ? Smh at all this small and part time "I rich pass you" kinda guys
You did well because they over stayed their welcome but your choice of words showed a different motive! Stop behaving outdated because there is nothing like my house in marriage.
The way you put it sounded the way we thought o.
" it is mine, not their sister's "

armyofone:
Just make sure you stay with this standard for both families. Your family and hers should have a certain period of time to stay. Never longer - 2 weeks max for your family and hers.

ZIMDRILL:
when he said "this is my house," it doesnt mean he was excluding his wife -NO if the conversation was between hubby and wife then Yes it would be wrong to say "this is my house"

but the conversation was between hubby and the brother in laws, he was putting a bold statement to say i am my own men and this is my kingdom therefore i run and make decisions

for real how can someone visit you but doesnt greet you in the morning or evening, its an insult you sleep and eat my hard earned money but you cant show even respect by greeting me in my own house

Mizwisdom:
Every body come here to post Cock & Bull story. OK, your in-laws don't greet you, am I to understand that you didn't mention this to your wife but kept it stored in your heart for vengeance? how come?


Then you said it's your house? is your wife also a guest in the house or a tenant? kindly respond


You said one of your in-laws is 26 and he does nothing, did you try to mentor him or help him with connection if you have?



Try as much as possible to accept your in-laws as part of your extended family, don't always seek to drive them away but try to contribute positively to their lives one way
or other

roaringlamb01:
Ladies on this thread are funny... They only see one thing here; it is my house not their sister's. Which is interesting, really.
First of all, while I don't need to explain, please read it in context, it is my house means : they are under my roof! And will behave as such.

Next, it is my house!. I sha dey pay all the bill inside am.

Don't be dramatic, face the real issues. Thanks.