₦airaland Forum

roaringlamb01:
When I heard her parents' say "so, because my people are coming, their children should leave ...", I was shocked to my pants. I am a person who loves my peace and quiet, 9 people around me all the time will literally make be cranky and eventually kill me.

Unbelievable
That is unacceptable behavior from your wife's people.
I don't even understand why your wife had to use your people coming as the reason for them to leave. I would have asked my brothers to leave after the initial stipulated time and my reason would be that IT IS NOT THEIR GODDAMN HOUSE.

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LewsTherin:
My dear, you have 2 options. Come with your sleeping bag and tent or go to football viewimg center at the busstop and beg them to show you Big Brother!

I will even give you the opportunity to book a 2 week stay and spend 5 weeks (if Bross will gree!)

Hahahaha!

I would not deny that Big Brother has a certain appeal:

Been fed for three months with games and everything to your disposal like an extended holiday.

Unfortunately, my house is not pro-BB

roaringlamb01:
Hi! I am really grateful for your comment and view. I did think along these lines, which i entirely discuss with my lady. Which eventually led to the final decision which we both took.

You see, sometimes, the best way to teach a person is to let them go through the experience. If i had blatantly refused their visit, it could have led to issues with her, because she won't understand my point of view, plus it was supposed to be two weeks.

It seemed fine at the outset.

United front, got it!

Thanks.

You are welcome.

roaringlamb01:
Come o. Just bring rice and dstv sub, let's watch BPL is weekend. Abeg.

See you.

I am talking BB you are talking EPL

sassysure:
My husband grew up in such setting.

When he took me to his house to see his old man, I met battalion.
He said they are few now cos mumsy is late. At a point, they were around 30. Workers and families and friends of the families.

A worker even put another in a family way in their house

He opted to live in one room in the bq even as we came for wedding,No place for us to stay as the bq he was occupying is no longer free. Them no even care to leave a room for us


It affected him so much he is very very anti social. Keep people at arms length. He is fine with communicating from afar. I was blaming him at first for being anti social until I knew the reason behind it.

See all those people that their parents trained, nobody dey remember them again.

Wow

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Breaststroke:
Right now, it's just me, myself and I in a one bedroom apartment. I don't have the same issues you have, OP had or that I had growing up .

However when I have relatives or friends, who want to visit for more than one day, I insist on;

1. Clear and direct communication (e.g when are you coming, how long do you plan to stay) I reciprocate by saying okay it's fine or no, now is not a good time, I can offer you shelter but decent meals may be hard cos I'm broke, if you don't mind a repeat diet of noodles and eggs then you are welcome.

2. I make three of my most important house rules very clear too - I cannot stand a messy environment, so do not mess up my space. Don't make me clean up after you, if you are not as old as my parents. Lastly, when leaving don't take away my personal items without asking me first.

I hate it when folks assume because we are family or friends, it is okay to take a pair of earrings, a piece of clothing or something else they like without asking. No, it is not okay, I may need that item more than you do.

I generally prefer for people to visit at my own convenience, by month's end, when salaries are paid and there's money to re-stock the kitchen, I can treat them to a movie at the cinema or a nice hangout somewhere cool & inexpensive. Then when they are leaving, I am able to gift them some cash for transport or pocket money (this one I mostly do for my nieces)

Nice

She is the second child and only girl.

Mehn, they both did o, wifey was embarrassed . I am just glad she saw it herself, i didn't need to convince her. I told her, "seems your parent's want to leave your siblings here".

Me wey dey find school fees. Lol

Breaststroke:
Jeez, I am appalled @ their words/behaviour. Like WTF, is wrong with these people? Did both parents say this or just one of them? Is your wife the first born child?

I think the expectation is that you will cater for your wife and her younger siblings, now that you've married their daughter. It's a shitty expectation and mentality.

Assist when you can or if you feel like it, but don't let anyone compel you into taking on, responsibilities that aren't yours in the first place. This is why I asked, what sort of inconsiderate family did you marry into?

Kai!!! As if any of them is helping you pay the bills in your own house.

This should be a lesson to this generation for when you are planning (yes, you should have a plan) to have kids. Do the maths for how much you can afford to spend on your kids so that you are not looking to other people to supplement you. Kids are expensive, raising them is not getting cheaper. Cut your coat according to your cloth to avoid embarrassment!

In this case, the in laws should have rented short term accommodation in this town for the boys to enjoy themselves in peace without being burdens in their sister’s home. The world is changing, financial arithmetics in every sphere of life has become imperative, it’s time my people embraced accountability for their own decisions. A family has at least 3 (wife and the 2 boys) grown kids, maybe more; yet you try to award 2 of them to a man that is still raising his own 2 young kids. Haba!

MMotimo:
This should be a lesson to this generation for when you are planning (yes, you should have a plan) to have kids. Do the maths for how much you can afford to spend on your kids so that you are not looking to other people to supplement you. Kids are expensive, raising them is not getting cheaper. Cut your coat according to your cloth to avoid embarrassment!

In this case, the in laws should have rented short term accommodation in this town for the boys to enjoy themselves in peace without being burdens in their sister’s home. The world is changing, financial arithmetics in every sphere of life has become imperative, it’s time my people embraced accountability for their own decisions. A family has at least 3 (wife and the 2 boys) grown kids, maybe more; yet you try to award 2 of them to a man that is still raising his own 2 young kids. Haba!

True

Mizwisdom:
Every body come here to post Cock & Bull story. OK, your in-laws don't greet you, am I to understand that you didn't mention this to your wife but kept it stored in your heart for vengeance? how come?


Then you said it's your house? is your wife also a guest in the house or a tenant? kindly respond


You said one of your in-laws is 26 and he does nothing, did you try to mentor him or help him with connection if you have?



Try as much as possible to accept your in-laws as part of your extended family, don't always seek to drive them away but try to contribute positively to their lives one way
or other

Kicking out your in-laws because things are hard in Nigeria and they don't greet you.
I thought this shit only happens in Europe!

Mizwisdom:
Continue taking things lightly until your marriage falls apart

Madam, this is so childish of you.

I am sure you are the type that feels entitled to people’s money or materials “oh if you’re coming from London better buy me clothe oh”

Is it the husbands job to care for a 26year old? Or is he under obligation by law or statue to give him any connection he has? ForGod’s sake that 26 year old is a bastard olorun to think his brother in-law owes him anything.

roaringlamb01:
She is the second child and only girl.

Mehn, they both did o, wifey was embraced. I am just glad she saw it herself, i didn't need to convince her. I told her, "seems your parent's want to leave your siblings here".

Me wey dey find school fees. Lol

Abeg you did what is right.

Even me that is single and a lady, before two of my siblings came to my house then in school, they told me a month back they were coming and would stay for 2 weeks. After two weeks, my mum tried to convince me to let them stay. And my reply was...”on whose money ”
Long short, they left the next two days besides , they know better than to sit down in my house without doing something except I no be their blood sister but immediately you are coming, you are washing fresh bitter leaf and I no wan taste that bitter taste.

mysticgal:
Abeg you did what is right.

Even me that is single and a lady, before two of my siblings came to my house then in school, they told me a month back they were coming and would stay for 2 weeks. After two weeks, my mum tried to convince me to let them stay. And my reply was...”on whose money ”
Long short, they left the next two days besides , they know better than to sit down in my house without doing something except I no be their blood sister but immediately you are coming, you are washing fresh bitter leaf and I no wan taste that bitter taste.

This is me! If you're not going to be useful, geddifok! Nigerians are users, that's why they wear their entitlement crown everywhere they go.! Don't be too surprised, just give them their sizes and everyone would be back to default. No time!

Nigerians don't talk about finances. In family settings or relationships. They hide money talks under frivolous discussions and spice it up with sentiments and morals, some they use religion sef seal am up! But if them know say you get small crase, them go adjust!.

MMotimo:
This should be a lesson to this generation for when you are planning (yes, you should have a plan) to have kids. Do the maths for how much you can afford to spend on your kids so that you are not looking to other people to supplement you. Kids are expensive, raising them is not getting cheaper. Cut your coat according to your cloth to avoid embarrassment!

In this case, the in laws should have rented short term accommodation in this town for the boys to enjoy themselves in peace without being burdens in their sister’s home. The world is changing, financial arithmetics in every sphere of life has become imperative, it’s time my people embraced accountability for their own decisions. A family has at least 3 (wife and the 2 boys) grown kids, maybe more; yet you try to award 2 of them to a man that is still raising his own 2 young kids. Haba!

Lol. E say na award..

You are absolutely right. We don't talk about our finance. Religion and traditions, with fake burdensome respect is killing us.

yettymuse:
This is me! If you're not going to be useful, geddifok! Nigerians are users, that's why they wear their entitlement crown everywhere they go.! Don't be too surprised, just give them their sizes and everyone would be back to default. No time!

Nigerians don't talk about finances. In family settings or relationships. They hide money talks under frivolous discussions and spice it up with sentiments and morals, some they use religion sef seal am up! But if them know say you get small crase, them go adjust!.

Theyoungmatron:
IT IS YOUR HOUSE NOT THEIR SISTERS
You are petty and wicked. So you also see your wife as a tenant.
If this guys were to be your brothers would you have treated or even think of treating them or being petty for something[b] as greetings[/b], licking your asses?
How many of your younger siblings greets you and ass licks everything you do? You are petty Mr Poster.
Did you bother to be friends with this guys and tell them please do this and that, give them advise........In short be their friends.

If this had been a woman, everybody would've been asking for her head.

Why will a wife's younger brothers see their Sister's husband and not greet him, that's a sign of disrespect. Its very bad. Even in his own house o, haba mana, we are africans now. Also, if its you can you tolerate it? We only give favourable judgement to things that have not affected us.

Super story everywhere.

You weren’t wrong but we know that if the situation were to be reversed, your wife would be labeled a witch for not wanting to house your siblings forever.

You people tend to develop common sense and know how things should be done when it affects you.

yettymuse:
This is me! If you're not going to be useful, geddifok! Nigerians are users, that's why they wear their entitlement crown everywhere they go.! Don't be too surprised, just give them their sizes and everyone would be back to default. No time!

Nigerians don't talk about finances. In family settings or relationships. They hide money talks under frivolous discussions and spice it up with sentiments and morals, some they use religion sef seal am up! But if them know say you get small crase, them go adjust!.

I tell you, you need to crase before them understand. Small money that you’d use to invest is what I will give you to eat, haba let them reason it sef.

You are correct my dear

sassysure:
U guys should overlook that. It was an outburst.
Has he not been carrying the wife along all along?
He extended the visit. Accommodated young guys that can't even say hi to him.

U guys are just looking for loopholes.
He did well.


They got the message.
Next time when things are a bit better, extended families will come but this time, their yes will be yes.
That was the message he sent across.

If people from his side visits, the wife will checkmark him.
Women don't play with this kind of thing.

Mama the Mama. I didn't reply your mention cos I totally didn't agree with your points. I thought to myself that these moniker looked familiar and I looked up my old posts and realised you have been helpful to me sometimes ago. I was d one complaining about my daughter's reoccurring infection. Your lengthy reply really helped me. I thank and appreciate you once more. God bless your family.

Right - just imagine! Well. i quite agree with him and that was why i asked him to stay with that standard.

cococandy:
You weren’t wrong but we know that if the situation were to be reversed, your wife would be labeled a witch for not wanting to house your siblings forever.

You people tend to develop common sense and know how things should be done when it affects you.

roaringlamb01:
Hey people,
I will cut to the chase.

I stay in a 4 bed room with my wife and two sons (twins). I live a quiet life and like it that way free to preying eyes, but recently my wife asked of her two brothers could come visiting, as they had never been to our place in Lagos.

I didn't like it, because I didnt like the extra mouths to feed, esp. now that things are hard everywhere, but her parents began to put pressure on her, and manipulate her with comments, like "you don't want to see your siblings" and so forth.

I wasn't also comfortable with two boys just sleeping and waking up in my house. But I obliged to teach her a lesson.

When they came, they did nothing but sell, eat and watch movies all through. They didn't greet, and were still in bed with i went to work, and watched big brother when I came back. I thought it was for 2wks, after it is a visitation, right?!

Wrong!!!

2wks soon became 5wks, at which point, food usually planned for a month was gone in weeks, add to the inconvenience.

My wife was happy, so I didn't mind. But something interesting happened, she said they want to stay for 2 more months. Hell no! I asked her to tell them, they had till the weekend, that I was expecting visitors of my own.

By the time, her parents heard, they said why couldn't they stay, even with my visitors.

It, then, dawned on me that, this wasn't a visitation. They wanted to abandon them here with me or something. It was very inconsiderate, to say I should feed myself, my wife, the twins, her brothers and 2 extra guests. Am I dangote?!

Of course, I have sent them away, and it won't happen again. She already knows.

Has anyone experienced this before?! How did you handle it?

Next time don't send them away like that, talk to your wife to find a way and do that herself

I'm as much as the economy is hard, feeding people who are idle is like creating more problems for them

frozen70:
Next time don't send them away like that, talk to your wife to find a way and do that herself

I'm as much as the economy is hard, feeding people who are idle is like creating more problems for them

Sent them away like how exactly? They went back to their home, they have a home, yh? I couldn't leave that responsibility to her.

roaringlamb01:
Sent them away like how exactly? They went back to their home, they have a home, yh? I couldn't leave that responsibility to her.

You may not understand what I mean by the bolded, but I will explain

You see inlaws are one of the most sensitive family to deal with, they would say you personally chase them out of your house and on the long run, it might affect the relationship with both families, remember you have kids and they have to relate with them.

But assuming you asked your wife to do that herself, they will assume that she doesn't want them in her house and for me it's OK that way

frozen70:
You may not understand what I mean by the bolded, but I will explain

You see inlaws are one of the most sensitive family to deal with, they would say you personally chase them out of your house and on the long run, it might affect the relationship with both families, remember you have kids and they have to relate with them.

But assuming you asked your wife to do that herself, they will assume that she doesn't want them in her house and for me it's OK that way

Thanks for explaining, I see your angle better now. But mehn, it is difficult either way, its Nigeria and tradition. It would still come down to me (the man). Inlaws are sensitive but one should be strong from the get go, I think! Funny enough, my wife says they have been asking if my parents have left, they haven't even spent two weeks.

I will soon test them, I want to see if they will ask them to come back.

.

It happened to me too. My wife's sister came to live with us and I banged her like a boss, recorded it and showed the video to my wife. She sent her packing

Breaststroke:
This your matter dey make me laugh walahi.

They are asking if your parents have left so that what will happen?

Who has been asking, her parents or her brothers?

Is there a problem @ the parents house like a case of bed bugs, snakes or leaking roof, that makes it life threatening for them to stay there?

Whatever steps you take regarding your in-laws, from this point forward should be the same ones you apply when it's your own family involved so there's consistency and no bias.

it is funny o. Her pips are asking her. I wonder why. I pretended like I didn't hear, though.

My siblings are really not around, they don't even have my time.

Is there a problem @ the parents house like a case of bed bugs, snakes or leaking roof, that makes it life threatening for them to stay there? lol. It is a long story.